Medical Mystery

I guess I proved my own point about that last post, because I probably needed that little moment of refreshment at the Tulip Garden to help me get through a couple unexpectedly very stressful days!  When I got home that night--not only from the park but from a quick grocery stop--I noticed that my inner thighs were itchy.  When I looked at them, they were very pink and quite warm to the touch.  There were a couple spots that almost looked like bug bites, but not quite, but the itchy area was considerably larger.  At that point I assumed I was just experiencing some chafing, since I was wearing a skirt without pantyhose for the first time in months.  Or maybe it did have to do with a bug bite since I had been outside, but it seemed extreme for that.  I put on some aloe and some workout capris since Jacob was talking up a family basketball game, and aside from how hot and itchy they were and trying to plan a purchase of something to prevent that in the future, I didn't think much of it.  But by bedtime, I noticed that both thighs were really red.  I put on more aloe and continued to be confused about why I would have chafed so badly without feeling it, particularly since it wasn't that hot out.

By the next morning, my legs looked even worse, and by my first bathroom break at work, it was very apparent to me that this wasn't just a rash--it looked more like bruising.  It was definitely under the skin, deep red to almost purple.  On one side the worst patch was maybe only a couple inches long by a half inch wide.  But the other side was a solid four inch long by two inch wide hardcore bruise.  Oddly, it didn't hurt at all.  At that point I got a bit concerned that maybe I had some sort of skin infection (hearing way to much about strep and staph these days), but given the lack of pain, I dismissed that.  But that night, the more I Googled, the more concerned I became.  I found pictures of something called purpura that looked very much like what I had, and pretty much nothing that leads to purpura is a good thing.  The worst scenario was leukemia, the best was a clotting disorder.  Great.

So I called my doctor in the morning and got in around lunchtime.  Suffice it to say that the doctor was completely stumped.  She asked me dozens of questions about things I might have done--everything from biking or horseback riding to "crazy stuff" with my husband.  She asked if I had itched really hard, and I didn't think I did--and I realized after the fact that I couldn't have because it was already rather tender and rough itching would have made it worse.  She even asked if I had possibly drank and blacked out, which was a definite no...but I admitted that given the location of the bruising, I took a second to consider if there would have been any opportunity to have been roofied!  It just didn't make sense, so nothing was too crazy to consider at that point.  She wasn't worried (though I suspect she still thought I was forgetting something), but she sent me off with a bunch of blood work anyway--and thank goodness, as I don't think I could have had peace of mind without it.

I'll also admit that I'm grateful that our health system processes that stuff fast, because the wait for the results could have been really awful.  But I had results by the time I sat down at my desk yesterday morning, and thank goodness, they looked fine!  Well, mostly fine.  All the important stuff was within range.  My white blood cell count was slightly higher than previous tests (except for one reading, which took me a second to realize was the day Carter was born--ha!), but still within range.  But the one area where I'm clearly borderline is my iron.  My red cell count was in range, but on the low side, as were my hemoglobin, iron, ferritin, and pretty much anything else that had to do with those readings.  I've known for a while I was on the low side, hence why I started supplementing around blood donations after I almost got denied once.  Lately I've been doing one pill every other day since we had Carter's stash left, but apparently that's not really sufficient either.  Interestingly, seeing my borderline low ferritin was a bit comforting since that's been Carter's oddball medical issue, dating back to his sleep study, so it makes me think that it's just a weird genetic thing for both of us, as the odds of that seem greater than undiscovered internal bleeding times two.  It's still a little weird and totally doesn't explain the bruising, so I guess both of those will end up in the medical mystery bin.  My doctor was fine with everything she saw but suggested supplementing or "eating some spinach."

Admittedly, I had myself sufficiently freaked out on Tuesday night.  When every sort of Google search sort of leads back to the same spot, and that spot isn't particularly encouraging, you start to wonder if your number is up.  I mean, it's easy to think that you'll be fine and like most other medical things we overthink, it'll be nothing.  But sometimes that's just not the case, and who's to say it couldn't be me getting an all-too-young cancer diagnosis?  Some people don't have other symptoms before they get some sort of tragic diagnosis, and I could absolutely have been one of them.  There's no magic spell to guarantee it wouldn't be me, at least.  It's scary.  As a parent I think you think about that stuff even more, because when you can barely keep it together with two healthy parents, what happens when one goes down?  Craig can barely cook, and our eating out options are very limited, so what would we do if I couldn't cook?  How would he survive if all of the parental responsibilities were on him?  How would we pay for private school next year if all available money ended up with medical bills?  Would I feel stupid for the (very cheap) things I picked up on clearance at Kohl's (or the many shoes I stashed away from the Payless liquidation) when I'm suddenly ill and wearing nothing but a hospital gown or pajamas?  I had all sorts of very real scenarios pop into my head that night, probably more clearly than they ever have.  It was sobering.  And I honestly don't think it was unreasonable to have those thoughts when I had completely unexplained, major bruising without a clear cause.  Something happened, and nothing else was explaining it, so the "crazy" stuff didn't really seem too crazy at that point.  No crazier than anything else, anyway.  It definitely makes you examine your mortality and consider what the world might look like without you growing old in it.  I know that's probably a little crazy-ish and morbid, but this was a very real scare for me.

But, the good news is that everything seems fine.  The bruises are fading pretty rapidly, so at least I'm not totally disgusted every time I visit the restroom now.  It's definitely a weight off my shoulders, though without a real explanation it's still nagging a bit.  I feel like I have to regain trust in my own body.  You think you know it, and then it goes and does something weird.  Particularly when there's no reason for it, you find yourself a bit skeptical about doing anything for fear it will trigger it again.  Could my hard run on Sunday have somehow done this?  Will another hard run do it again?  Am I allergic to something or was it some sort of odd, vicious bug?  If I go outside will it happen again?  Until you essentially work through all of those scenarios, you're always going to wonder a bit.  And that's where I am now.  Will the "near-death" mindset give me life-changing new perspective?  I don't know--maybe for fleeting moments until the usual "hard" stuff kicks in again.  It's hard to let your brain stay in that space without hardcore anxiety kicking in, so it's best to let it go when you can.  I'm grateful that my life didn't change in one weird 48-hour period, but pardon me for still being nervous.  So, on we go.  I'm enjoying a day off today (to make up for my 15-hour day last week), and while I probably won't get much physical rest, I'll take the mental break!  Happy Early Mother's Day to me!