Monday was Jacob's tryout for his FCA travel team. We were a bit nervous given how the season went, but he finished pretty well, all things considered, and he was eager to show his best during the tryout. Craig watched, and apparently he did well. He did end up paired at one point with a kid who apparently couldn't pass, meaning Jacob had a hard time catching, but other than one or two little things (and everyone has those moments), all seemed to go well. They were told they would be notified within 24 hours.
Well, 24 hours came and went. Right around that time I got a Facebook message from one of the other moms. She asked if we had heard anything, and I was sort of hoping that they hadn't heard anything either and we were all in the same boat. Alas, no...they had heard and were on the Navy team, which is the one Jacob has been on for two years. As was another teammate that came up in conversation, one that we thought might be on the bubble. Suddenly the creeping dread came on and we realized that things may not have gone as well as we'd hoped. We knew that the acceptance deadline for this first group was 24 hours after notification, which would be at 12:30 am on Wednesday morning. At that point, we figured, spots might open up from those who turned down the invitation (not likely but possible for players who may have tried out for multiple organizations), at which point they could fill additional spots. We also knew that there was going to be a secondary team--one with players from Jacob's year and one year older--and we figured they'd probably start filling that team now that things were a bit clearer.
But by mid-morning on Wednesday, we still hadn't heard anything. Craig even emailed to check in, and still nothing. At that point we were getting extra nervous. Would he make any team at this point? We were running through scenario after scenario trying to figure out what to do. Craig checked in with someone from another organization to see if we could somehow get him a look there. We considered box lacrosse later in the year. We were grasping at straws trying to figure out what was going on. Ironically, our friends' son was in the same boat with the team that he played on with another organization, so at least we felt like we weren't the only ones dealing with this, but it's really not fair to anyone when you're a returning player. With the majority of tryouts this week and a short timetable for acceptance, it makes it really hard to try out for another organization. We found ourselves wishing we had strategized better just in case. But despite how the season went, we felt like we really shouldn't have had to. No one from last year's team got cut this year, and they'd want to try to keep the kids together, right? But still, we worried. Jacob was not handling it particularly well either. He spent most of the two days in complete denial, sure that he was going to make his team no matter what. Even when the timing made it especially dubious, he still held strong. And any time we brought up the possibility that it might not happen, he definitely showed us his displeasure with that concept. Suffice it to say that it was a rough couple days around our house.
Wednesday night as we had settled into bed and had practically given up on seeing anything, Craig was on his phone, rolled over and said, "He got an offer." Unfortunately, it wasn't the one we were hoping for. It was for the lower team, a.k.a., the Orange team. Jacob had insisted he wouldn't play for that team, so we knew we'd have a lot of convincing to do in the morning. And we did. We ended the conversation at home relatively calmly, but in the car on the way to camp Jacob reiterated that he didn't want to play for the team and would rather go somewhere else. I reminded him of all the reasons this was still the best option (more on that in a minute) but when I called Craig after I dropped him off, he had already put down the deposit. So, I guess this is it.
There have been so many things swirling around in my mind and I can tell that the last few days have taken a toll. So much so that a message from that same mom Thursday morning brought me to tears at my desk. After being supportive through the whole process, she was urging us--from a board member's perspective--to let the head guy know that the timeline of this process wasn't handled well. For whatever reason, it made so many emotions bubble up in that moment and I lost it for a couple minutes. After all, losing the friends and families is the main reason this is so hard. We're just sad about losing the relationships with friends and teammates that we cultivated these last two summers. We really started to gravitate toward a handful of families near the end of this year, and now we won't be with them next year. Not that those relationships can't continue (yay Facebook) but it's hard when everyone's busy and it's different when you're not spending most of your weekends for a full month with the same group. Jacob had really begun to settle in with most of the kids, too. It's really heartbreaking for all of us. Two of the moms that I'm friends with on Facebook were so supportive through the whole thing. In fact, when we were figuring out that we probably weren't on the top tier, the one was telling me how much her son likes Jacob, and then told me that he just prayed for Jacob (sob!). It's going to be hard to lose that village, you know? At this point we also suspect we're the only ones, so it's even more isolating knowing that everyone else will continue on and we're not part of it anymore. Even though we have some reasons for why this may turn out well, it's hard to help your kid through a tough life lesson when you're having a rough time yourself.
Even though we have made our decision, we're still sort of thinking through everything and wondering where things might go next year. There are pros and cons to every option, and we'll probably always wonder if we made the right decision to stay. The problem, though, is that based on how things shook out, if he didn't take this offer he might have ended up with nothing. He'd have a really hard time ever having a shot at Navy again if he's not playing at some higher level this year, so we're sort of stuck.
But will being in the same organization cause problems? Will it be uncomfortable for Jacob to be around his old teammates? He still insists they are his teammates (current tense), but once everyone's practicing next to each other in the fall, will it get weird? Would it just be better for him to get a fresh start somewhere else? After all, he said he didn't want to play for this team, so will he be incapable of putting in the right degree of effort because he's still bitter? He was very unmotivated in the spring after his house team split, and it showed. Honestly, that split is still causing him trouble. I think he has a touch of PTSD from it, because he is insisting this team is going to be terrible and his teammates will be incapable of catching a pass (based on what he says he saw at tryouts). He has it in his head that this is going to be the same thing he went through in the spring, and while this team may not be nearly as good as the one he was on, it should be competent. After all, the kids will be older, not younger, and they're still making a good travel program. But he's convinced they're going to be terrible, and he's going to get injured playing against older kids. Sigh. So now we're going to pay all this money and risk him being a headcase all year.
One of the reasons we really didn't want to leave the organization is because of the focus on faith. We actually felt like our coach skimped on it a little this year (maybe because of the heat and the focus on getting the kids cooled down between games?), but this is really the first thing that seemed to make Christianity resonate with Jacob. Since sports is everything to him, it's nice to have something that naturally brings faith into that for him. We're hoping for the same from the basketball league he wants to join this winter, too. It's also nice to be with like-minded families (see the prayer thing above), and to be able to speak openly about faith matters and not be looked at weird. And even though we're not thrilled with how things went down this time around, we know all organizations have their issues and we'd rather be with one that has some sort of moral obligation to handle it if something seems contrary to their mission.
The thing is, this could be a good thing in the long run. After a season where Jacob didn't play a lot, perhaps a fresh start is just what the doctor ordered. It's clear (particularly now) that the coach didn't value Jacob's presence on the team. Last year things seemed okay, but this year he either didn't trust him or couldn't figure out the best way to use him. We're still not clear on why. Maybe it was because his son played the same position. Maybe he just saw something he didn't like and never got over it. Or maybe Jacob's complete lack of regular playing time just didn't leave enough opportunity for him to be memorable and leave a good lasting impression. Regardless, we've heard good things about his new coach, so we're hopeful he'll give him a fair shot. If he's playing more, that can only help his game, get his rhythm back, and help him regain his confidence. If he can do a really good job, maybe they'll have to look at him again next year. We worry his old coach will never give him a fair shot, but let's hope he grows like crazy (in more ways than one) this year.
We'll probably do less traveling for this team, which probably isn't a bad thing either. Sure, it doesn't lend itself to great adventures, but maybe that will let us choose other adventures we really want to do instead. We're due for a really good vacation, so maybe this will make that a little more possible. And while we'll really miss the families we're leaving behind, maybe we'll meet more great ones with this team and just expand our circle. I hope Jacob can make some new friends, too. Who knows when we'll run into friends that any one of us could have forever?
I think we're all still working through various stages of grief with this. It's been a part of us for two years now, and while we're still part of the same organization, not being on the top tier team makes things a little different. Once in a while something new pops into my head that I hadn't thought about the downside of yet, and the sadness resurfaces a bit. There's a sense of belonging that has been stripped away, and we probably won't find a new normal at least until our first tournament in the fall, when we see who we're with and how the team performs. We prayed through all of this that we'd end up where God wanted us, that there would be a purpose to it if we didn't end up where we wanted to. Well, here we are, and hopefully that purpose becomes apparent sooner rather than later so we can all regain a little sanity. There's a lot of unsettledness right now, and I think that may be the hardest part for the foreseeable future. We know it could be worse (our friends' son didn't make his team at all 😦) and life lessons often turn into good things down the road. We'll miss this phase of our life, but we're hopeful that this will turn into something good soon.
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