The first event was a memorial service at my aunt and uncle's church here in Rochester on Thursday morning. That morning ended up being hectic--Craig and I both accidentally slept in a little too long. He actually had somewhere to be yet kept snoozing his alarm, and I kept dozing and just sort of forgot that I needed to be up by 8:15 or so to pack Jacob's lunch. And, of course, it turned out that since Craig was running late I also had to take Jacob to school. But once everything had sort of settled down, I had just enough time to check my work email and get ready for the memorial service. It was absolutely wonderful, if you can say that about anything related to the death of a loved one. They sang one of our family's favorite songs, "Here I Am, Lord", without knowing it would have been the family's first choice. It fits my uncle's lifelong dedication to Christian education so perfectly, and was always a classic of the Male Chorus most of the men in the family used to sing with. Then there were three wonderful speakers who all told funny and sweet stories about my uncle and his time as principal of their school and president of the congregation. All of it reminded me even more vividly of my memories of him as my principal, and there were many smiles and tears all around. Then they brought in the entire school (maybe 75 kids?) to sing "Jesus, Name Above All Names", which is another classic from my grade school years and a particular favorite of my aunt who was the music teacher and choir director (though not the one married to my uncle--her sister). That made it all even more meaningful. It just made your heart happy in the midst of the sadness, as much as anything could.
After that, I ran to Wegmans to pick up the Lysol, some grape juice (no idea if it really works to ward off the stomach bug, but it hasn't failed me yet), and a couple other things that came up since my trip to Wegmans the previous evening (ugh). I had some lunch, did about 45 minutes of work, and then finished packing so I could get on the road. My dad was feeling better and starting to eat by the time I arrived, but he opted to skip both days of visitation to ensure he didn't pass it along. The first night at the funeral home was three hours, and I passed most of it by talking to an old friend of mine. Her parents came in, and I spoke to them for a while, then she came and stayed until nearly the end, so I was talking to her for a good chunk of that. Another friend of mine came, too. She was another Lutheran school alum, and her dad was also a principal at another school. We knew each other more in high school, though, and reconnected a bit at our 20th reunion. She also now works with my cousin, which is cool. I chatted with her for a while and both friends and I compared notes on our school days. More old friends and familiar church faces that I haven't seen in person in years kept coming in, and while it made for a tiring evening, it was great to see people. I also had my fair share of family/cousin time, too. All along, though, I kept looking at my uncle in the casket and remained in utter disbelief that he's gone. He was so lively just a few weeks ago, and has been such a constant in our family that I can't quite wrap my brain around a new era without him.
One of the cute parts of the funeral proceedings involved my uncle's tie collection. He had a ton, and a lot of silly ones. They put out the collection at the funeral home and encouraged people to take them and wear them to the funeral. It was amazing to see them all, both on display and throughout the day Saturday. The pastor's happy face "Jesus Loves You" tie under his gown was pretty priceless!
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| There was an entire bag full left on the chair behind this ladder, and eventually all but a handful were gone! |
The early part of Friday was pretty quiet, just a lot of lounging around before we had to head over to the funeral home at 3pm for a five-hour stint. This session featured a bit more family arriving in town, visits by four old teachers plus one I knew but never had, and more familiar church faces that I haven't seen in years. The old teachers were interesting. Two were among my lesser favorites, but seeing my Kindergarten and First Grade teachers was great. I haven't seen them since I did my janitor stint at the school about 19 years ago. I had a great talk with the first grade teacher in particular, discussing how things have changed in learning between my time in first grade and Jacob's, and telling her I still have the tissue paper Christmas wreath I made in her class! Honestly, standing before the two people who taught you the basic foundation of your entire education more than 30 years after the fact is pretty weird, but cool. I also got to see a woman (also a family friend who I have seen here and there over the years) who was my long-term substitute when my third grade teacher had tuberculosis for part of the year. When she mentioned how my uncle led her to that position, I gave her a thrill when I told her how I still remembered the crazy papier-mâché/tennis ball/ping pong ball planets we did with her. It sounded like having her own class (she was usually a Pre-K aide) was a lot of work, and the long-standing impact seemed to validate that it was worth it, which was nice. Near the end of the evening, Craig and the kids arrived. Electronics (and my cousin Brian's girlfriend, who Carter is obsessed with) saved the day, and after a quick bite to eat, we all called it a night not long after getting back to my parents. The last open-casket goodbye at the funeral home was tough.
The funeral was super sad but lovely, as like all other parts of this process, it was full of sweet stories, humorous recollections, and a validation of his dedication. There were lots of tears, but smiles, too. After the service, Craig had to leave for the airport for a road trip. Thank goodness for a rare Sunday game, as at least he could be around for part of this. We headed to the cemetery after that, and thankfully the weather had broken a bit and it was in the 40s. The wind wasn't pleasant and there was still snow to step through, but it wasn't bad at all compared to what it could have been. It was odd standing between the headstones of my grandparents and aunt and uncle, but I guess it felt right to share that moment with them, too. After that was the luncheon, at which point my brother had to leave (he's driven up that morning from their ski trip in Massachusetts), but before he left, we got a picture of all 13 grandkids, for the first time since my grandma's funeral 12 years ago.
I was originally planning on going home after that, but then they planned a cousin get-together nearby at 6pm, so we stuck around and I ended up hanging out with my cousins until 11pm! I never expected to stay that long, but many great conversations were had! Obviously the kids and I slept over and we came home right after church on Sunday, so we had a little time before Jacob's lacrosse practice. Craig didn't make it home until this morning.
Last night I started my next big project, another round of photo scanning, but this time with my parents' albums. I brought home their first eight albums, which should keep me busy for a long time! It's already been fun but bittersweet, mostly because there are now so many people in those albums who have passed. Seeing my Uncle Bruce, Uncle Cliff, Uncle Bink and Aunt Karen, all as young parents, made me smile. In the next moment it breaks my heart knowing they're all gone now. But I enjoy seeing my parents as a very young married couple, so it will be fun to go through the albums again and hopefully ensure they're kept forever.
It's back to reality now--busy days at work and everyone at home sort of on the verge of sickness--tired, iffy stomachs, sniffles--which only plays into my panic about this year's extra intense flu. I know I have it easy, though, as my thoughts and prayers are now with my aunt and cousins who have the daunting task of finding their new normal. We all miss him already.
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