Florida - Day 3 - Not Enough Magic in this Kingdom

I know, I know...that's a pretty bummer-ish post title considering we're in the happiest place on earth, but I won't lie--Jacob's behavior has been brutal and it's making it harder and harder to enjoy this trip.  I'm also dreading going home and facing the reality of the Celiac diagnosis, which is making things even harder.  It's just sad that we have this amazing trip, and Jacob is in such a haze of behavior problems that it's hard for anyone to enjoy it.  He's just hitting and kicking a lot, and generally trying to be annoying (no, really, that's his goal).  We were instructed not to change his diet yet, at least not until we talk to the GI specialist, so there's really no end in sight right now.  It's exhausting and it makes me question my ability to be a good parent to a child I can no longer connect with.  Sounds awful, doesn't it?  Imagine living it.  I'll try to focus on the good, though...

Thursday was Magic Kingdom day.  It was apparent upon arrival that the park was going to be very fall-themed, particularly because Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party is already going on.  I loved the Christmas décor last time, but the fall stuff has a charm all its own.  

Jacob was really excited to meet Mickey Mouse, so that was our main priority.  Luckily I did my research ahead of time and figured out where he was, and we immediately got a Fast Pass to come back a little while later and meet him.  We wandered around Main Street for a bit...

Baseball guy!

Castle in the distance...

...then ate some lunch at a baseball-themed restaurant where Craig and I ate last time we were here.

After lunch we headed back to meet Mickey!  The picture turned out a little funny because I made a bit of a face when the woman was having issues with the camera.  Jacob's also looking elsewhere.  Hoping their picture came out better, but haven't taken the time to look.

We worked our way back out into the park.  The castle had an extra appendage, as I think they're hanging the Christmas lights already!

The boys went on a Toy Story shooting ride (yes, another one) in Tomorrowland, and then we headed over to Space Mountain so I could finally ride it after all these years.  My first ever coaster was Big Thunder Mountain when I was here when I was nine, and I was obviously not ready for Space Mountain on that trip.  So I didn't ride it then, and I was pregnant last time so I skipped it.  My time finally came!  It was a lot of fun and I'm so glad I got to do it, in all of its 70s space kitsch glory!

We wandered into Fantasyland, and I knew I'd have no takers for the teacups...but I was hopeful for Dumbo.  Craig is not a ride person at all, but Jacob will do select ones.  I figured Dumbo had a shot, and sure enough, he was willing!  The ride has been doubled and totally re-themed in the past few years.  It is a cool circus theme and even the line has an awesome play area to stop off at.  Since Daddy and Carter were waiting for us, we had to skip it, but the ride ended up being a hit!

The rest of the redone Fantasyland was beautiful, and the Seven Dwarves-themed mine ride under construction looks awesome.  Unfortunately, the Little Mermaid ride had a long wait and the heat of the day was getting to us.  Craig wanted to make sure we got to Pirates of the Caribbean, and Jacob's behavior was getting brutal, so we opted for some unconventional parenting scare tactics--by taking him to the Haunted Mansion and trying to scare him straight!  He seemed a little scared when we were there, but in the end he said he liked it.  Oh, well.

After that we went to Pirates of the Caribbean.  The big drop in the dark scared him a bit, but otherwise he seemed to like it.  He also got his first big souvenir, a pirate chest with a hook (against our better judgment), 12 pieces of gold with a pouch, a pirate hat, and a treasure map. 

After dinner, I  used my Big Thunder Mountain Fast Pass to my advantage.  I was very excited to ride it because it was the first coaster I ever rode and it felt great to come full circle!  And you know, I loved it just as much 26 years later!  It's a fun ride and the theming is great. 

It was getting late and Carter had to eat, so we took a break and caught the Main Street Electrical Parade in passing.  Then we headed toward the front of the park for the nightly show.  They project images on the castle, play music, and top it all of with fireworks.  It was lovely, though staying for  it means battling our way out of the park with everyone else.   

On the way out I snapped a couple pictures of the Halloween décor...

...and we headed off to catch the bus back to our resort.  The busing has been fine for the most part, but it can be a bit of a process and a little cramped when coming back at park closing times.  We've made it work, though!  It was definitely a long day, particularly with Jacob's many moments, but we had a lot of fun!

Florida - Day 2 - The Day Everything Changed

A few weeks ago, Jacob earned the right to watch Space Jam, the old movie from the 90s starring Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes characters.  Not surprisingly, ever since he's been pretty much obsessed with basketball.  He's got certain basketball clothes, and right before our trip I scored him a pair of clearance high tops at Walmart in red, white and black.  He needed an extra pair of sneaks anyway, so why not?  Well, before we left he was sort of freaking out about wanting to play basketball here.  He wanted to bring a hoop and a real ball.  We compromised and brought a foldable mini hoop and tiny ball.  We also discovered that our resort has a court and basketballs to rent.  From the moment we got here he was asking to go play, and Wednesday morning was as long as we could hold him off.  We decided to take it easy in the morning, get ready, and walk over to the hospitality house to check it out.  We'd play for a bit then head over to Hollywood Studios, which we figured was a good first stop since there wasn't a ton we needed to do there.

So, we headed over and rented a basketball (for free) and went to the court.  The hoop was pretty high, and the basketball, even a smaller one, was tough for Jacob to get that high. 

Basketball quickly lost its luster, and next it was on to volleyball... 

When that got old, he wanted to try tennis...

He liked tennis enough that he wanted to play it again the next day, so I guess that may be his new thing.  We'll see.  It's been brutally hot and humid here, so all of these sports have left the boys pretty gross and sweaty afterward.  We stopped back at our villa so they could clean up.  Jacob also has a lot of homework to do during this trip, so we worked on some of that, as well.  Carter was just being cute in the meantime...of course!

Eventually we were ready to go.  Here's the view from our bus stop...

Not too bad, eh?

We got to Hollywood Studios around lunch time, but our quest to find a restaurant was thwarted by a sudden downpour that lasted a good half hour.  We took shelter under Mickey's sorcerer hat (see the picture below), and tried to plan things out a bit.  By the way, I love the look of the entrance to Hollywood Studios.  It's probably only my third favorite park, but the art deco old Hollywood look is among my favorite scenes anywhere on the property...

After a hectic but tasty lunch, once the rain had tapered to a drizzle, we headed to Star Tours, the Star Wars ride.  I didn't get to ride it when I was pregnant last time we were here (that's going to be a recurring theme in these posts, by the way), so I was eager to do it.  Jacob was excited too.  Craig stayed with Carter and Jacob and I went in.  Walking through the queue he got excited, but it occurred to me that we're not sure how Jacob does with motion sickness, and we had just eaten.  Hmmm.  The ride is basically a 3-D motion simulator.  Here is Jacob in his glasses...

Well, suffice it to say Jacob was not a fan.  About halfway through the motion was getting to him and he ended up pretty miserable.  Boo.  Guess I don't have a ride partner yet...c'mon Carter!  He recovered quickly enough, and off we went to the Muppets 3-D show.  That went over much better.

The boys in front of the Muppet fountain

At one point we headed down into a section that's meant to resemble a Hollywood street scene set, and we stumbled upon a bunch of characters!  Jacob got his picture taken with Chip, Dale, and Jessie from Toy Story.  He and Craig also posed with a Toy Story toy soldier...

And Jacob was excited to pose with Pocahontas...

And even I got into the action with Minnie Mouse!

We wandered back toward the front of the park so I could ride two more rides I missed out on during pregnancy--Tower of Terror and the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster.  The skies were threatening again, and I snapped this cool shot looking toward the entrance...

Both of the rides were great.  It felt so good to be back on a roller coaster for the first time in years!  And for those who know what a roller coaster freak I used to be, I'm almost ashamed that it's been so many years since I've ridden one.  I think I've lost count.  Tower of Terror is a drop tower ride, and it's pretty sadistic, but lots of fun!  While I was riding, the boys noticed a ton of these lizards all over the flower beds...

Ewwwww.

We went back across the park again to the Indiana Jones stunt show, which was cut short because of the weather.  Then we headed back to the Toy Story Mania ride, which was under construction last time we were here.   Here's a better view of Mickey's hat from that walk...

The wait was long and there was no Fast Pass, so we just had to wait the hour. It was tough, no doubt.  Luckily the queue was full of giant toys to look at and even had an interactive Mr. Potato Head...

The ride was great!  You sat in moving cars and were ushered to numerous screens where you shot at targets.  It was sort of carnival themed (ring toss, pop up targets, etc.), and was a ton of fun!  Hard to say that a long wait with two kids is worth it, but we did have a lot of fun.  Of course, by the time we were done it was dinner time...but it was also park closing time, as that park closed earlier than most.  That was a bit of a bummer, but we made do with snacks...a Mickey cookie for Jacob (holy black dye, Batman) and a chocolate and Reese's Pieces dipped Mickey-shaped rice krispie treat for us.  We had dinner back at the resort while everyone got ready for bed...fortunately a lot earlier than the night before.   

So...I'm sure you're wondering what the title of this post is about.  Well...when we were getting ready to head back to Toy Story Mania, Craig decided to call Jacob's doctor to see if the results were in from last weekend's blood work.  He talked to the doctor for a while, and was giving me a lot of looks in the process.  So...based on what they're seeing, all evidence points to Celiac Disease.  Whouda thunk it?  But...perhaps it all makes sense.  While most people think gluten causes diarrhea and other things like that, it can also cause constipation, which Jacob has been dealing with for a while now.  He's also been complaining of belly aches when he eats.  It can also cause malabsorption of nutrients, which would probably explain why he hasn't been gaining much weight in the last year.  And, most importantly, it can cause ADHD-like symptoms, or even other behavioral problems.  Interestingly, Craig's brother just found out he's got a gluten sensitivity, and now that we think of it, we think Craig might have it, too.  He has a lot of digestive issues, as well as some itchiness, which can also be a side effect. 

So...while that's all obviously tough news and a very daunting challenge for me, the cook, I'm not freaking out about it yet because I'm so hopeful that this will help Jacob's behavior, which is a whole other sort of hard thing to deal with.  If it can fix that, it should all be worth it.  But yes, considering he mostly subsists on bread and pasta, this is a definite bummer.  He and Craig don't eat many veggies, so finding food for them is going to be very hard.  Wegmans has a great gluten-free section, though, and we have a lot of resources for tips and tricks, so hopefully this will be manageable.  I'm nervous, but we'll figure it out.  We might go a bit broke in the process, and I might lose my mind trying to make dinner, but we'll do what we can.  But boy is my menu going to have to change.  The other good news is that if Carter's sensitivities include gluten down the road, we'll already be ingrained in it and it won't be a big deal to add another to the mix.  Still, it's a bummer for a lot of reasons and will make eating out very tough, but again, if it fixes Jacob's issues (and Craig's, for that matter), it'll be amazing.  Of course, the doctor said not to do anything yet until we talk to the GI specialist, so we just have to manage Jacob's brutal behavior while we're here and confirm the results when we get home. 

So...yeah, the day definitely turned out to be significant for reasons we never expected.  It's a lot to deal with, but perhaps it helps to hear it here and we'll be ready to face it head-on when we get home.  Maybe. 

Anyway...still a vacation to be had, and next up...Magic Kingdom!

Florida - Day 1 - And So It Begins

So....Florida.  This trip has had more twists and turns than you would ever believe.  Scheduled for last November, postponed by emergency surgery for Craig's mom, unable to reschedule due to Christmas, Craig's schedule, my pregnancy, and Carter's arrival and infanthood.   We finally scheduled it for this week, even though it meant Jacob would have to miss school.  Not ideal, particularly given all we've been dealing with lately, but we had to do it sometime and this was what worked for Craig's parents.  Well, then Craig's dad had chest pains in Pittsburgh, which led to a triple bypass last week.  So, now it's just us.  I feel bad that it seems like we're not going to get their money's worth since Jacob is so difficult and Carter is too young, but we'll certainly try to make the best of it.  We're grateful for the chance to try, anyway.  Like I've been saying for the past week...if we're going to be struggling and miserable dealing with Jacob's issues, we might as well do it in the happiest place on earth.

The good news about the trip here is that we were able to schedule a non-stop flight in the afternoon.  As much as it's nice to leave early and get a whole day at your destination, with two little kids and a lot of packing to do, as well as eight days here, I was fine with losing part of a day if it meant having all of us well-rested and de-stressed.  The packing was slow but pretty decently organized.  I packed both kids in one giant suitcase, me in another medium-sized one, and Craig packed his own large duffel bag.  I spent the last couple days before we left dumping random stuff into a couple bags at the landing at the top of the stairs, knowing that it needed some major organizing to strategically sort out our carry-ons and other miscellaneous items. 

I managed to get done right around when I wanted to, but we still had a trip to Wegmans to pick up a last minute prescription and a glue stick so we could do some of Jacob's homework on the road.  We made it to the airport and through security pretty easily, but seriously...I don't know how moms who travel with more than one kid travel solo with their kids.  It's crazy. 

The flight was iffy.  It started out okay.  Jacob was good, Carter was sleeping, and we got good seats.  We did some of Jacob's homework, had some snacks, and Jacob settled in with a movie on my laptop.  And then it started to fall apart a bit.  Carter woke up and could only be distracted so long.  He cried for the entire descent, and Jacob fell asleep, making him a bear to wake up.  Still, we survived and Carter was making friends all over the place with his big smiles, so apparently no harm done.  We did catch this photo op while walking through the airport, though not without a lot of effort!

The Magical Express to Disney was pretty good but still a process.  They got our bags separately and we just hopped on a bus to the resort, Old Key West.  By the time we got here and got settled it was dinnertime.  We explored our villa a bit--very nice with a kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub, laundry room, and outdoor patio.  While exploring the patio, Jacob and Craig were almost "attacked" by this guy...

HUGE!

It was around that time that I figured out that I was catching the cold Carter had been dealing with, and I knew I was in for a rough week.  We decided to head to Downtown Disney for dinner.  It was already late and we didn't really know how long it would take to get there.  Once we were there it took a while to find somewhere to eat.  We ended up at Wolfgang Puck's for some pizza and salad, enjoying the pleasant night outside.

Hot air balloon observation ride

On our way back to the bus, we stopped at the Lego Store.  We have to go back so can get pics of the outside creations in daylight, but I did get this one of the giant Hulk!

We also saw the Rainforest Café volcano erupt!

Our last stop was at a sports themed store.  Here are the big boys with a giant bat!

We didn't get back to our villa until way too late--though thankfully our luggage was waiting for us.  It still took way too long to get both boys down for the night, and by the time they finally did, it was nearly 1am.  Carter had slept the entire time we were at Downtown Disney so I was less worried about him, but while I expected that Jacob's nap on the plane would keep him up, I never expected he'd be wired until 1am!  Ugh.  I had a terrible night's sleep because of my cold--not being able to breathe is awful--but vacation awaited so there was no rest for the weary.

I  guess the day went as well as could be expected.  The trip wasn't a total disaster, and Jacob was at least manageable.  Carter had his moments, but it could have been worse.  Day Two turned out to be quite significant for a reason we didn't expect, but more on that soon...

News & Notes: The I Should Be Packing Edition

We leave for Florida tomorrow afternoon.  I am only partly packed.  Most of the clothes are done, but all of the squirrely little stuff is driving me nuts.  I need to go to bed at a decent time, mostly because both Carter and Jacob have been waking up at ridiculously awful times the past few nights.  Carter has been screaming bloody murder for an hour or so at a time, but I don't know if he's having teething issues, gas, constipation (he hasn't had a good poop in a couple days--wondering if it's the chicken), or that he's just plain cold.  The house has gotten chilly and I only turned on the heat tonight because it's going to be extra cold outside and the house felt too cold for comfort.  Anyway, it's been tough and I'm hoping this phase passes as we arrive in Florida since sleep is probably going to be hard enough to come by.  I am very nervous about this trip, for so many reasons.  But I'm hoping we can enjoy the experience despite the challenges.  It's such a great opportunity and I'm grateful to my in-laws for this...and sad that they can't be there to enjoy it.  Hopefully we can make the most of it!

Despite his recent crankiness, Carter has still been smiley.  I felt like it had been a while since I had taken his picture, so I snapped a few the other night.  Happily, Carter now loves the camera and smiles when he sees it!

Oh, and did I mention that he turned seven months yesterday?!  How is that even possible?

Once he was done with his formal picture (that I barely snapped before he wanted to attack the sign), he folded himself in half and tried to get me...

And I could this cute shot when Daddy walked in the door...

And the aftermath...caught in the act!

Outside, Jacob was practicing his current passion--basketball.  He's actually gotten pretty good, and he was stylin' in the new sneaks Mommy got him on clearance.  I figured he's allowed to have a couple pairs since I didn't spend as much on his school pair as I expected.  He loves them!

In other news...Carter has to start on an inhaler now, much like Jacob had.  It's just to manage his reflux a little better, get rid of the morning cough he has, and maintain his health and comfort through the cold season.  He smiled through the treatment this morning, so hopefully he's OK with it.

While we were at the hospital for Carter's appointment, we stopped upstairs to visit my friend whose two-year-old son was diagnosed with leukemia.  They've been living at the hospital for over a month now.  They just found out baby #2 is another boy, and so far the big boy's treatments are going well.  It's a rare form, but they're hitting it head-on and hoping for a good bone marrow biopsy next week.  It was half heartbreaking and half inspiring to see the family.  He's doing well, though, so they're in good spirits despite the tough road they're on.  Definitely makes our challenges seem manageable. 

Jacob is doing OK at school.  His teacher knows to contact me with any concerns, and so far he's been fine.  Evenings are a little tough because it's been a long day, but he's hanging in there.  We're definitely still very frustrated with his home behavior, but I think we're definitely seeing certain patterns, even if there's still no way to manage them.  We had a good night tonight, thank goodness, since Craig is on the road for work.  We have a boatload of homework to bring with us on vacation, though!

I guess that's enough for now.  I have some packing to do before I head to bed.  Lots of stuff to gather, and I'll organize it and pack the last minute stuff in the morning.  So much to think about!  Wish us luck :)

Weighed Down

Every day this journey with Jacob seems to get harder and more complex.  We had such a great night the other night, where things that would have normally triggered Jacob's tantrums just...didn't.  He went with the flow and it was amazing.  It was exactly what life should be like.  But since then it's been a constant stream of defiance, ignoring, and flailing limbs.  I got my first glimpse into how hard homework is going to be when we did a very simple assignment the other night.  We only had to write down why Jacob has the name he has and discuss it.  Well, first I let him write his name on the paper and he was all over the place with it, wanting to make the cent sign (I think they did money at school last week) instead of letters.  Then, when we tried to talk about what I had written, he wouldn't sit, he was giving me an all-around hard time, and it just stunk.  He doesn't want to do homework, and I can't really bear to tell him it's only going to get harder from here. 

I guess you could say that the reality of his future with whatever is torturing him is looking really grim right now.  I think we've pretty much made up our minds that he's got ADHD with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), and I haven't ruled out that he may have a touch of bipolar going on, based on how some of his tantrums have gone.  I know that sounds completely insane and like I'm a parent who has been spending too much time on the internet, but I just can't emphasize enough how different this all is from the kid we had just a few months ago.  A lot of people want to blame it on Carter's arrival, but the worst of it only started a month or so ago.  Yes, there was defiance prior to that.  He's always been a bit difficult, but that was easy enough to chalk up to him being a boy of a certain age.  After all, a lot of it was just being active, even at times he shouldn't be.  He was definitely a stubborn kid, maybe more than most.  And I would definitely say that the defiance ramped up a bit near the end of my pregnancy.  But what we're dealing with now just seems light years away from that.  This is serious stuff.  I can just see that there's something there he can't control.  It's hard to remember that in the moment, but his absolute disregard for anything--punishments, our feelings, logic--just tells me that something is up. 

In less than four days we hop on a plane to Florida.  It's a direct flight, about 2-1/2 hours, I think.  I am terrified.  What if he has an episode on the plane?  Less than a year ago, in late September, we went to Atlanta.  It was Jacob's first plane ride, and I was nervous, but I know I didn't have the trepidation I have right now.  He did great that time, but his behavior is so much worse now.  In addition, he'll be in close proximity to Carter for that whole time, which could create issues of its own.  Plus, we'll be on vacation for a week, which means a week of weird schedules, odd sleeping arrangements, and lots of togetherness, which has not been our strong suit lately.  I'm naively hoping that he'll be having so much fun that he won't need to be difficult, but a) I know how vacations usually go with him; b) if we're right and he can't help himself, it won't matter where he is; and c) we're all going to come back extra exhausted no matter what and be facing a readjustment to school.  I can also naively hope that the time away will give him some perspective and he'll realize it's not so bad, but getting out of the groove is going to be weird for him, I have no doubt.  I'm hoping we can do something fun when he gets back where he can tell his classmates about the trip and they'll think he's super cool, but I'm not sure how that might happen.  Right now I'm simply hoping he lets himself have fun, because right now he's not even really excited to go...or at least he's not letting us know he is. 

I did some research yesterday on ADHD meds, and it was a little scary.  Sure, there are the people that find one that works for them, but most of the stuff I read was people talking about their kids being zombies, or not wanting to eat, or not sleeping.  Some find a good drug but it wears off by the end of the school day, and others can't get their drug of choice covered by insurance.  Some drugs make symptoms worse, particularly when they wear off.  While it's possible that medication could be a huge help, it's a scary road to go down.  It's hard enough dealing with a kid who is so different than the kid we thought we were raising, but it's even worse dealing with a kid who's two times removed from that. 

This whole thing is just weighing me down.  I feel like the extra spring in my step is gone.  My focus is lacking and my eager anticipation of the future has turned to worry.  Not just for Jacob, but for Carter's issues as well.  We're doing good on day three of chicken, which makes me hopeful.  We got the go ahead to call an allergist, so that's on my list.  It would be nice to get an idea of what we should avoid, at least, but I'm not sure if that's going to be possible.  Still, avoiding rice products alone is going to be a challenge, but hopefully we'll be one of the lucky ones and his intolerance will wear off sooner.  But knowing it might be a challenge for him to eat his first birthday cake or enjoy a highchair tray-full of Cheerios is a bit of a bummer. 

My mood is slightly brighter today, since Craig took Jacob to Buffalo overnight and I was able to relax and get a few things done around the house.  He got some blood work done this morning to check on a few things that might have caused his personality to shift so suddenly, and while he hasn't been perfect today, he's been tolerable.  We're taking him out tonight while Lori watches Carter, so hopefully he'll get the time he needs.  Incidentally, among all of this I'm definitely thanking my lucky stars that Carter is as good of a baby as he is.  God forbid he would have been colicky or something, because Jacob might have lost his mind completely if we had a higher maintenance baby than we have. 

The trip to Florida definitely looms large and I have a lot of work to do in the next couple days.  Hopefully I'll be able to get in another post prior to the trip and post a couple times during, but I have a feeling we'll have a lot of straight-to-bed nights while we're there!  I'm already praying the trip goes OK...

Emotion Overload

I don't think I can adequately convey how difficult these last few weeks have been for us.  Me, in particular.  I mean, Craig may be having a hard time dealing, but if he is, it isn't showing nearly as clearly as it is for me.  I have been a walking raw nerve for at least the past couple weeks, tearing up out of nowhere whenever I think or talk about all of the issues we're facing.  It's made it incredibly hard to function.  I proclaimed on Facebook last week that I either needed to stop listening to K-Love (Christian station) on my way into work, or I needed to start bringing makeup with me to work.  At least twice last week songs came on the radio on my way into work, and the words related to all that we're dealing with right now.  Before I knew it, tears were streaming.  Then, of course, reality set in and I was scrambling to try to make myself not look all puffy-eyed and red-nosed by the time I had to get out of the car. 

My focus on everything--work, home, whatever--has been crap.  If I'm not thinking of another thing to Google, I'm just generally preoccupied enough that it makes it hard to remember details and to do lists.  The start of Kindergarten hasn't helped, since I have a whole new to do list each morning and night now, from looking through his take home folder and dealing with those papers, to packing his lunch.  He got his first fundraiser stuff the other day and I can't even wrap my brain around doing anything with it.  I just feel overwhelmed by the simplest things, and it's driving me nuts.  Laundry sits unfolded for days.  Dishes lay unwashed.  Baths get pushed off one more night.  Grocery shopping with both kids in tow scares me to death. 

Part of the problem is that everything with Jacob takes twice as much time and energy as it used to.  You pretty much have to build in time for his constant nos, endless distractions, and having the patience to outlast it all without losing your temper.  Something as simple as bedtime is exhausting, particularly when you add Carter into the mix.  He's a very good baby, but I'd definitely say his patience is waning a bit these days.  So dealing with Jacob's defiance, while trying to manage Carter, and keeping in mind that Carter's mere presence is often an issue for Jacob, is nearly impossible. 

We went to Jacob's therapist again this week, this time with just Craig and me, to discuss our side of things.  I'm getting a little frustrated because, while I know she can't make any sweeping declarations yet, I don't feel like she's understanding the severity of the problem.  When she sees him, he's normal with perhaps a couple of issues.  When he's alone with us, he's a different kid who loses his temper on a dime and comes up swinging.  I swear the only way she'll get what's going on is to watch natural interactions with us (without him knowing she's watching).  Heck, the other day he had such a meltdown at the grocery store that I was actually afraid he was delusional or something.  I knew that going shopping after an already long day for him might be a challenge, but I found out later he barely ate his lunch so I have a feeling low blood sugar played into it.  But he had absolutely lost his mind over the tiniest thing, and we had to leave the store without even going in because he wouldn't calm down.  It was embarrassing and scary.  After the fact I wished that I could have taped it (but boy, wouldn't I have looked like a bad mom!) because it was such a bizarre happening that I'd love to get an expert opinion. 

Carter, by the way, is doing okay so far, knock on wood.  We tried sweet potatoes this week and after three helpings, no FPIES episodes yet.  I guess we'll probably get one more food in before we leave for Florida (angsty post on that to come, I suppose), but I may just take a couple things down with us for solids because he's still not loving them.  But he likes sweet potatoes best so far.  Maybe meat tomorrow?  I'm encouraged, but still very nervous.

Anyway, getting back to the point of this post...Dealing with the emotions associated with all of this has been exhausting.  Sometimes it's all I can think about, and it just tires me out.  I worry so much about Jacob and his future, particularly if he's truly got something wrong with him.  I'm intimidated by the challenges of each day.  I'm overtired...and often just plaid sad. 

Over the weekend my cousin got married.  Craig and I had a much needed day to ourselves, starting around 1pm when we dropped off the boys at Craig's brother's house.  We got to enjoy the ceremony and reception without the kids, and it was a nice break.  We visited Craig's dad at the hospital (his triple bypass surgery yesterday went fine) in between, and were able to enjoy lots of food and some beverages.  We danced, hung out with my family, and generally had a nice time.  It felt good to have a few carefree hours.  But more than that, her wedding brought up some interesting emotions I didn't expect.  Ten years after my own, I guess I look at weddings a little differently than I used to.  First, as much as I know that the most significant part of the day is that a marriage is formed, I sort of see the day for what it is--a big party where the couple can have one of the best days of their life.  It's definitely the beginning of something, and it's full of so much hope and joy.  It's one day to live a fantasy.  And for that reason alone, I'm so happy for the couple when I go to a wedding.  It's such an amazing experience, and I remember that vividly from my own experience. 

But what really struck me this time around was the vows.  When you get married and you say your vows, you never really think about the "for better or for worse" part of them too deeply.  But here we are in the "for worse" part.  It's such a contrast to that happy wedding day full of hope, and it's hard.  This experience is definitely trying, but with the exception of a few moments here and there, I think we're doing what we can to make sure that this marriage stays strong amidst the frustrations.  It's especially hard when our opinions on how to manage Jacob differ, or when it feels like our responsibilities aren't shared enough, or whatever.  The exhaustion can wear on you, for sure, and makes everything harder.  But seeing the newlyweds' joy reminded me how much I want to recapture that feeling, and was a good reminder that marriage and happiness are always things to fight for.  It all definitely makes me appreciate our journey that much more.

I know this is sort of a random, rambling post, but I guess that's just more insight into the current state of my brain.  From sadness and frustration to joy and nostalgia, it's been such a crazy couple weeks.  I'm hoping things chill out a bit soon, though the stress of packing for Florida this weekend may put me over the edge temporarily.  But hopefully a week in Florida will be a nice change of scenery for all of us.  Maybe Jacob will remember how much we love him and decide to work harder on listening.  Now if only I didn't suspect so much of it was out of his control, I'd be even more hopeful.  But I can dream.  And isn't that what Disney's all about?  Let's hope the happiest place on earth brings out more of that one emotion.  We could use some happy around here.

The West Coast Crew

Last Saturday, while we were in Pittsburgh, my brother's family came in from Portland for a week.  They came in primarily for my cousin's wedding, which took place yesterday, and left this morning.  In between John, Kristin, Kate, and Max had some quality time with the family.  In addition to time with their grandparents, Kate and Max got to spend time with their second cousins (I think--our cousin's kids, whatever that is).  They had a lot of fun--playing on playgrounds, checking out the carousel museum, and even riding the infamous Ollie.  Ollie was John's when he was little.  It looks a little like a yellow banana with a face, on wheels.  Most kids did face plants when they tried to ride him, but John was the master.  Turns out the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as Max did amazingly well, too. 

Because of the way the Pittsburgh trip got scheduled (which wasn't really within our control), we missed out on hanging out with them last weekend.  We got to spend Monday with them as my parents had a picnic for the whole family, and then on Tuesday they came to Rochester to spend time with us after Jacob met his teacher.  Monday's picnic started a little rocky, since Jacob decided to pull his usual stubbornness.  It took a while to get him to be cooperative, but once he did, he had a great time playing outside with everyone.  I enjoyed seeing Kate and max for the first time since last summer.  Max still isn't talking a lot, but it is adorable to watch him communicate with signs and adorable faces. 

Kate is beautiful and perfectly girly--sweet, but with a little spunk!

Near the end of the picnic, Jacob had a blast playing with our cousin's kids, as well.  Here he is getting pitched to by our cousin's wife...

Yes, he was bunting...

Everyone got a chance to share Jacob's souvenir from Pittsburgh, a batting helmet...

And I was just enjoying watching them :)  I really liked seeing Max, too, as a preview of Carter in the next year or so, wandering around and exploring his independence...

And we got a family picture, which has been a challenge in the times we've all been together...

Before we headed back home, I had to get out Jacob's homework for school.  He had to color a caterpillar that we'd tape his face to, and it had been hard to get him to sit down and do it all week after all that we'd been dealing with.  We had to take it with us the next morning, so we had to get it done.  He did a nice job on it, and everyone else got in on the action...

After such a long, busy weekend, it was a relief to get home that night.  But there was no rest for the weary, as we had to get up the next morning to get to the school by around 9am.  As I mentioned, his visit went pretty well.  We had a couple off moments, but for the most part he was manageable and it was good to get an idea of where he'll be spending his days. 

After that, we went home and made it there at the exact same time as the minivan with John's family and my parents.  We hung out for a while at the house, once again dealing with a random Jacob tantrum, but eventually made it out the door to grab some lunch at McDonald's.  Jacob refused to eat when we first got there, but then decided that he wanted to try my cheeseburger.  He liked it!  He loved hamburgers at McDonald's when he was little, but got out of the habit and stuck with nuggets for the last few years.  Now he appears to be back on the burger bandwagon.  Because the kids ate their burgers, they got to enjoy some ice cream, and then we headed out to the playground. 

We went to one at our local spray park (which shut down for the season the previous day), just because I knew it was a good one for all ages of kids.  Jacob had another tantrum on the way there because he wanted to have certain clothes for the various sports fields he knew were at the park.  It took a while to get him to chill out, and once he did (again) he had fun.  As did everyone else!

The kids loved the modern version of the tin can phone, where they could talk into one thing, and the sound would travel underground to another one on the other side of the playground!

Max did great!  He loved climbing this part!

Jacob's usual face these days!

Playing on the concrete animals in the spray park section.  The kids loved climbing up to the whale's blowhole!

After plenty of time on the playground (and some playing around for even us adults), we headed across the park's access road to the football field.  I had told Jacob that if he played nicely we could go over and play a bit.  We went over and did a race, and after Jacob ran the length of the field twice, he started playing around in the soccer net that was built into the base of the goal posts. 

After the time at the park we had to go to Jacob's therapist appointment, so the whole crew headed back to N.T.  It was so great hanging out with them for a couple days.  We got to see the kids again briefly at my cousin's wedding yesterday, and spend the evening at the wedding with John and Kristin, as well.  I wish we would have had more time, but I'm thrilled for them to get so much time with my parents without having my kids, who see their grandparents all the time, sharing the spotlight.  But it was great to see them and I hope to someday get up the guts (and money!) to fly ourselves across the country with both kids.  I'd love to take them out there, but it's definitely a daunting trip.  I give them mad props for having done it a couple times already.  We'll get there!

Another busy week awaits...