Dazed and Confused

I'm really on the struggle bus these days.  COVID feels like it's closing in again, threatening whatever might be left of our summer and having the potential to derail the "normal" fall we thought we'd have.  We all thought it would be a normal school year, but now it looks like masks will be a sure thing (which is actually the better of the scenarios), but with the way the delta variant is spreading, I don't think the in-school spread is going to be as minimal this time.  I thought I'd be back to work, but as I mentioned last post, that has been delayed until at least the end of September.  We're hoping to get Jacob vaccinated this week, although his basketball training schedule makes a sore arm less than ideal.  Fortunately, the spread still isn't terrible here.  We're seeing between 60-100 cases per day in the county, which is actually somewhere around what we had in late spring.  The problem is that the new variant is so much more contagious that they say instead of each person passing it to two people like in the past, now they'll pass it to five, so I have a feeling those numbers are going to go up pretty quickly from here.  

I'll be honest--I'm really starting to lose my patience with people.  As I've mentioned before, we're one of the few mask-wearing families I see right now.  Wegmans probably has the most masks, and even there it's probably a third of all people.  I did feel like I saw more today than previously, so maybe that's a good sign.  Previously I understood most of the "why" - vaccinated people were told they were safe without them and unvaccinated people should be wearing them but mask mandates ended so they took advantage.  The one group I never understood was families like ours who have unvaccinated kids.  We've known all along that vaccinated folks can still get it and pass it, but I guess they figure the kids wouldn't get it bad regardless?  I just read an article about 10-20% of kids getting some form of long COVID, so maybe they should read that and reconsider.  But now that it's becoming abundantly clear that vaccinated people are getting infected more than previously thought, I'm perplexed.  Like, I understand there are few hospitalizations and almost no deaths among the vaccinated, but you can still spread it, you can still feel pretty horrible for a couple weeks, and you risk long-term symptoms.  So why wouldn't you want to mask up and avoid that?

I'm eternally frustrated by the folks who claim the trifecta of resistance--refuse the vaccine, refuse to mask, and still insist everything should be open.  When there's active spread in a community, you basically can't have them all without tremendous risk.  Here's the thing--when it comes to schools in particular, there will be infections.  Delta's just too strong and there won't be the ability to distance like we had during hybrid school last year.  If, God forbid, you removed the only possible barrier to that by unmasking, there is going to be rampant spread.  Masks aren't perfect, but they do block something more than an open mouth and nose, so it's all these unvaccinated little kids have.  I know it's not awesome to spend the day in masks, but it's literally their only protection.  And the thing is, even if their infections won't be bad, they'll risk passing it to at-risk adults (especially in an unvaccinated household) and it will necessitate quarantines and possibly school closures.  When the state announced there would not be any official guidance coming out for school reopening, all these people were online proclaiming "Time for no masks at school!"  Those are also the same people insisting on full in-person school (I mean, we all want that but some of us realize there will be risks that could change that), so they will be the first people complaining when schools close due to infections.  So you can have one or the other: no masks and frequent remote learning, or masks and fewer school closures--pick one.  No masks and minimal closures will not co-exist with delta, I am sure of it.  The south is already seeing the effects of that a couple weeks into the school year.

I am so sick of people who still insist that masks are unhealthy and don't work at all.  First of all, doctors and nurses have been using them for decades, so clearly they perform a function.  Additionally, it wouldn't appear oxygenation is a problem since you don't hear much about doctors passing out in the middle of a six-hour surgery.  Next, I understand cloth masks are not ideal.  It would be better if people paid attention to fit, and if we really need N95s, it would be nice to hear that officially and have some way to ensure we can all get them without hoarding and shortages.  But lacking that, most of us have surgical or cloth masks.  As I said above, logically it just seems better to me to have something in front of the main germ entrances on your face.  Any obstacle is better than none.  I read an article that said that even though the virus is smaller than the holes in masks, the virus needs to hitch a ride on some sort of particle, which is usually a bit bigger, which means it won't fit through those holes as readily.  The article also explained that those holes aren't just a straight-up swiss cheese hole--they are essentially tunnels, so not only does the droplet need to fit into the hole, but the length of the tunnel is even more surface area for it to get caught on.  And for those that don't believe they make a difference, I challenge any of them to sneeze into their mask and again into their hand and tell me how much wetter their hand got without the mask.  Anything that's on that wet mask got caught and is not floating in the air for someone else to inhale.  Does some sneak out?  Of course, but it's far less.  And in a situation where viral load matters, every bit less helps--whether you're the one sneezing or the one nearby breathing it in.  You may still get sick, but if your viral load is lower, you won't be as sick.  I'm still convinced that's why Jacob hardly had any symptoms and didn't pass it to us.  He was masked at all times out of the house, and I believe he got it from basketball where heavy breathing and "relaxed masking" (under the nose, maybe worse; and masks off while hydrating) are the norm.  But if he was partially or entirely masked, it's possible he just had a super low viral load and would have been considerably sicker without masking.  And other than COVID, Jacob only had one minor cold last year.  Carter had a cold in the fall and another in the spring once distancing in schools was less, but that was it.  No strep, no stomach bugs, nothing more than sniffles and sneezes--and certainly no mystery illness caused by breathing in the "moisture and bacteria" on the masks that some Facebook poster suggested was harmful to kids.

People are just so darn threatened by masks.  No one enjoys wearing them, but geez, it's a piece of freaking cloth and it takes two seconds to put it on.  Is it really so bad if it's the one thing that's allowing us to keep schools and businesses open?  It's not a threat to your freedom, people.  It's the one thing that can keep your freedom once this thing gets bad again.  But people have so thoroughly convinced themselves that masks don't work, oppress their freedoms, and are only for sheep that they can't bear to wear them and anyone that does is stupid.  And for all the people that insist their kids can't or shouldn't wear them, kids are resilient and they respond well to positive peer pressure.  So if every kid is wearing them, their use is encouraged, and they're reminded that they're helping others and possibly themselves by wearing them, they'll generally be pretty accommodating.  But if they're hearing trash talk at home and being told they're too good or too special to wear one, or not being properly trained to use one, of course they'll have trouble with it.  I know special needs kids can be different, but the vast majority of kids can handle it just fine.  I had people on Facebook telling me that I live in fear because I wear one, but you know what, I'm just practical.  I don't feel like being sick, having my kids be sick, having to do remote school, or being stuck in my house.  That all seems like a much bigger burden to me than putting on a mask, no?

And then there's the vaccine.  Here's the thing--I get the hesitancy.  Heck, Jacob has been eligible for months now and we're just getting around to it.  His past infection was part of the reason--why risk complications if his antibodies could already protect him?  It's a new vaccine and doesn't have years of data to look back on like so many childhood vaccines do.  Mind you, millions have been vaccinated in a short period of time so there actually is a lot of data--just not the long-term kind that can shut down the conspiracy theorists who insist in two years we're all going to be dead or suffering from severe heart issues or something like that.  But there are SO many medical professionals and researchers who have studied this--both coronaviruses and the vaccine technology--and so many have come to the same conclusions.  Yes, there are outliers, but they are far outnumbered.  And the vast majority of those professionals are not part of some big worldwide scheme.  Most of them are John Doe doctors who took an oath to protect their patients, or Jane Doe researchers whose life goal is to help people through their work.  They're not being paid off or connected to some master plan to destroy humanity.  They genuinely want to do the right thing and believe this vaccine is it.  I saw someone say something to the effect of, "If you see 10 doctors for your cancer and nine tell you to get chemo, are you really going to listen to that one rogue one, or might you actually come to the conclusion that the nine know what they're talking about?"  You might consider it if it seems like a more comfortable, plausible route, but when your life is on the line, most would go with the clear expertise.  And honestly, in this case, if all the doctors are wrong and those outliers were right, well...humanity is screwed and it's a pretty hollow victory for all the conspiracy theorists who will lose many friends and family members along the way.   

I'll admit the cases of myocarditis among teenage boys who received the vaccine are definitely concerning, especially with an active athlete.  But with how badly COVID spreads right now, the fact of the matter is that myocarditis is a major, common complication of COVID itself (as it is with the flu as well), and the likelihood of him getting COVID is higher, and the likelihood of getting myocarditis from COVID is considerably higher than it is from the vaccine.  When I said that in response to a family friend's post about a teenage girl who had complications from the vaccine, I reminded her that myocarditis was found in as many as 60% of COVID cases vs. a very small percentage of vaccine recipients.  But of course she couldn't address that and spouted off a bunch of random crap from fringe studies that likely aren't capturing the full context of things.  Then she mentioned all the deaths in the VAERS database, but I reminded her that the database is not regulated and people can submit whatever they want without any formal, confirmed connection to the vaccine.  Again, she avoided that and spewed something else.  The fact of the matter is that no vaccine is perfect and every one we currently rely on has had people who reacted negatively.  And if that happens to you or your family, it's certainly tragic.  But those same vaccines have saved millions of lives worldwide, so would the world really be a better place if millions had died from polio or measles or whooping cough just to spare the tiny percentage that had an allergic reaction to the vaccine?  Maybe if it was your child, sure, but in the grand scheme of things, the world needs this stuff to prevent greater death.  And if you don't believe it, consider that death rates are down considerably and the vast majority of deaths and hospitalizations are coming from the unvaccinated.

Ironically, church has been a sore spot for me.  They did so well with caution for so long, closing twice and opening up carefully each time, but recently the masked/distanced gym-turned-worship center has been pretty empty, and the vast majority of the kids in Sunday School aren't masked.  It's literally scary to me to see a full church shoulder-to-shoulder unmasked, because all it takes is one infection and the church could have serious problems on its hands.  A church in Florida just lost six members in 10 days with considerably more hospitalized or sick at home.  And that church apparently had a vaccine push prior and encouraged masking (though no idea if people did or not--in Florida I'd think likely not).  I was hoping that with the CDC guidelines changing that our church would make some changes, but none yet.  I know they're worried about attendance--it's definitely still down--but it's hard to tell if people got out of the habit, find it easier to do remote, are steering clear until it's both free of regulations AND completely safe, or what.  But it's disheartening that a bunch of Christians are more interested in comfort and than masking up for an hour to possibly protect others, and that so many are also choosing to leave their kids entirely unprotected.  It's literally perplexing to me.  Yes, we can have faith, but God also gave us doctors and medicines and science to make informed decisions.

The shocking amount of incorrect information and conspiracy theories that people are holding on to are nuts.  In one post on a news site that I just HAD to respond to, people claimed masks don't work at all, that kids aren't carriers, that it's illegal immigrants' fault (I guess Missouri is such a border crossing hotspot that it spiked first?  OK.), that it's a political propaganda tool (yes, the world is suffering because our politicians wanted to play games...again, OK.), and that actual cases are only 6% of what's reported (I can't even.).  I can't tell if these people just watch too much Fox News, or if they stopped reading articles and studies 14 months ago, or think they've just been granted special immunity...??  I'm so confused how people don't hear enough stories and realize this is real, it's happening again, and the worst case scenario could come to you.  I'm still confused how it went from, "Trump is amazing--he got the vaccine done in record time!" to "I'm not touching that poison from the left."  I'm fascinated that Canada doesn't have this same kind of divide because the messaging from both leadership and the media has been consistent, and the media is still considered impartial (no Fox News, for starters), so it emphasizes the point that something went terribly wrong here.  It just angers me that this became such a political issue when in truth it's not.  Trump made downplaying it part of the party line, and anyone who didn't became the enemy.  Science changes, folks.  The story changes because the studies show us new things.  I do think there's a fine line between telling the full truth and needing to exercise caution so certain groups don't go off the rails--like when masks were originally downplayed so people didn't hoard them away from medical use, or how breakthrough infections have been a bit downplayed so people don't write off the vaccine as useless before they understand the importance of the low hospitalization rate.  So many people insist the government should butt out, but I've seen time and time again that a majority of people subconsciously take their lead from what the government is saying (at least when it's coming from their own side).

Like I said, for me this isn't about living in fear (although a healthy amount of fear is sometimes what keeps us out of danger), but rather just being proactive and managing very real risks.  And even if those risks aren't high currently, it only takes one chance encounter to become a statistic and I'd rather stay in the habit anyway since we know it's coming back.  I want to find real solutions to maintain as much of a normal life as possible, while being mindful of the risks.  For us that means go out and do things, but wear a mask inside, try to stay outdoors if possible, and consider the risks of a crowded place, whether indoors or out.  Where those judgments land for different people is going to vary wildly, but ignoring that this is happening (again) doesn't really seem like a solution to me, especially when one person's inaction can start a chain reaction that impacts so many others.  You'd think we as a country would have learned a lesson when it got downplayed a year ago, and then it was too late to stop the speeding train.  I don't want to miss Christmas again, or worry about whether Halloween or Thanksgiving will be safe, nor do I want my kids learning from home.  So if there are things we can do now to prevent that, why does it have to be so hard?  Why can't COVID be the common enemy rather than each other?

As a side note to all of this, I can definitely tell all of this is starting to wear on me in a different way than it did for the first year or so.  My focus feels worse.  Certain tasks just feel insurmountable on certain days, from cleaning to working out.  I wake up tired every day, no matter how much sleep I get--though falling asleep on time has been an issue, too, both due to a busy brain and wanting to stretch evening "me time" as long as possible.  I long to do more out in the world, but when the time comes, sometimes doing it feels exhausting.  Things that I normally like doing--like bike riding, going in the pool, baking, or even this blog some days--just feel like too much work.  Zoning out on my phone is easier, but then I get down on myself for being unproductive and it starts a vicious cycle.  Things that I was so gung-ho to do six months ago, like redo my kitchen or upgrade my landscaping, just feel impossible to wrap my brain around.  Even planning our vacation is a sore spot--can I manage packing and long distance travel?  Will we be safe, or will it not even be possible in a few weeks because things will have escalated?  How do we work around weather?  I wanted to fit in a day in New York City while we're that close, but mentally, it's so much to think through.  Even the thought of going back to work felt a little overwhelming, but now I have another month-plus to work through that.  I still need to get the boys' school stuff ready, from supplies to Jacob's uniforms, and the uniforms in particular just feel like too much to coordinate since shirts need to be special ordered and pants are always a tricky fit.  It's hard to understand why this is such an issue now all of a sudden, but I'm just trying to manage one task at a time, psyching myself up to tackle it, just hoping I don't run out of time before I get to that point.  It still feels more functional than functional depression or anything like that, but it's definitely not how I want to be getting through my days.  Maybe it's stress, maybe it's disappointment, maybe it's the lack of changes of scenery, maybe I just really need a vacation.  And with every jump in cases, with every delayed return to work, the question marks just get bigger.  My hope dies another little death every time I see people resisting actions that could help reduce the spread.  I'm just...sad.  Sad for my kids, sad for us, sad for the second half of the year we thought we'd have.  I'm sad for teachers that need to choose between another year of masked faces and risking their life (or their students').  I'm sad for all the people who have lost loved ones or are battling long COVID, particularly those who took precautions but were failed by others.  There's really no end in sight again, and it's hard to take when there was once so much hope.  You'd think we could all work together against this common, clear enemy, but who knew masks and vaccines were deal breakers?  Stay safe, folks.  It's a long road ahead.  

A Long Way to Go for Lunch

Apparently we created a bit of a monster when we discovered FLX Fry Bird back in April when we were looking for gluten-free food after one of Jacob's basketball tournaments.  Jacob just loved his chicken and waffles (and the rest of us enjoyed our food, too), so we went back again in late May after another tournament, but under less-awesome circumstances since Jacob had just injured his foot.  He'd been begging recently to go back, and we finally had a weekend without plans so it was a distinct possibility.  We've been on the go quite a few weekends, all of July, in fact--4th of July, a baby shower, basketball/soccer, and finally a wedding/family reunion.  We hadn't been to our own church in a full month, and I felt like everything inside and outside the house was a bit of a mess because I hadn't had extended non-work time at home since early in the month when I took some vacation time.  And as I recall that vacation time had hot weather so it was hard to do things outside like hedge trimming, which is exhausting to near-impossible in heat.  One of my challenges lately is it's hard to get things done in the evenings--I'm just so tired by the time I'm done with work and dinner that if I don't have an errand to run, my brain goes directly to relaxing.  That means working out, outside yard work, and inside cleaning have taken a backseat to rest.  Lots of tasks were overdue as a result, and while I was hoping to get a lot done with this first unscheduled weekend in ages, Jacob's request wasn't unreasonable and it felt worth doing.  However, if we were going to drive an hour to grab a meal, I wanted to make it worth our while.  

I started looking into different options in and around that area, but most of the good ones were a solid 45-60 minutes further than Geneva.  We'd already done Watkins Glen (I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but the kids not so much), and Seneca Lake didn't seem to have a lot of activities outside of the state park that surrounds it.  We could go back to Ithaca if we drove an hour southeast.  We could go to Chimney Bluffs if we drove 45 minutes north.  Auburn and Skaneateles were about an hour past, as well.  I had a friend suggest one hiking area along the way, but Jacob in particular dislikes hiking and I figured I'd give him a break this time if I could.  But nothing else was jumping out.  On the bright side, it was a lovely day--sunny and low 70s--so whatever we did wouldn't have to worry about weather.  We got a little later start than expected because I desperately wanted to get in a run and everyone slept in a bit, but we figured after a late breakfast we could stand a later lunch.  So we got on the road to start the hour drive a little after our actual lunch would have been.  Oh, and in the midst of figuring all of this out, Carter announced that he didn't actually like chicken and waffles despite eating his entire meal both previous times.  After some conversation it's possible he just didn't like leftovers he had at home, but we opted to get him mac and cheese and french fries instead.  I swear his tastebuds change weekly.  Regardless, lunch was nice and delicious as always.

Cheers!

After lunch the plan was to check out a series of four playgrounds around the lake and see if any were worth playing on.  There was one we had seen from the road a couple times that looked cool, and so we stopped there first.  It was a really neat one, with lots of different climbing stuff.  

They also had one of these crazy roller slides, which we haven't encountered much, so it was new to Carter.  He always wants to climb every single slide, and this one posed a challenge!  He did it, though!

Nothing like a playground with a view!

From the top of the slide

There was also this spinning thing, in which the boys thought was funny to spin me like crazy when I hopped in to try it out.  Ugh, my brain does not appreciate that these days, especially after a big lunch.  But the boys had fun spinning in it, even if it did slow down really quickly.

They couldn't really figure out how to climb this thing that seemed to defy gravity, but they each tried in their own ways!

And of course, Jacob just HAD to push Carter like crazy on an already-unbalanced tire swing!

Their version of brotherly love?

It turned out that the other three playgrounds were all within Seneca Lake State Park, which would have necessitated a $7 entry fee.  Since we weren't planning on staying long--maybe even just doing a drive-by--we deemed it not worthwhile (this time, anyway), and started making our way north to our destination of choice, Chimney Bluffs!  The only thing convenient about Chimney Bluffs from where we were was that it was almost directly north (and therefore no farther from home than we already were).  It was a 45 minute drive on country roads, but they were relatively interesting, at least--passing through a historical town (Waterloo), quaint canal town (Clyde), school districts we've only heard of, and apple orchards (how did I not know those trees were so short and looked vaguely like a grapevine setup?).  The good news is it would leave us not far from Route 104 which we could take directly back home in about an hour or less.

There were two parking lots for Chimney Bluffs State Park.  Oddly, the main lot was a long trail away from where we wanted to be, which I think is because the shorter trail we actually ended up at is newer.  Knowing I was dealing with limited patience and attention spans, we opted to go to the smaller satellite lot that was closest to the thing everyone comes to see: the bluffs.  They are natural structures that were formed by glaciers and erosion.  They look unlike anything else around here, and in fact felt otherworldly, or at the very least like something out west.

Jacob was giving us all sorts of grief about not wanting to hike in woods, and "what about ticks?!", so when the initial hike up was through woods (but on stairs and a reasonable cleared path), he was not thrilled.  Most of it looked something like this.  You'd walk through a wooded trail, come to an opening with a view, then walk through more of this.  It was quite peaceful aside from the sounds of the lake and the speedboats.

When we arrived at the openings that overlooked the bluffs, the views were pretty surreal, but very scenic.

Like I said, a bit otherworldly and so different from other areas along Lake Ontario.  They reminded me a bit of ruined sandcastles.

Close up view with a bonus boat in the background

Despite it being a beautiful day where we were, there was a bit of a storm brewing on the other side of the lake into Canada, which made for some dramatic, contrasting skies and lighting.

Along the path there wasn't a lot to see besides a lot of downed trees and ground cover, but I did spot this very interesting plant that I thought was a fungus but is actually a perennial plant related to the blueberry family.  It has no chlorophyll so it can grow in heavily shaded areas, and it is parasitic, meaning it takes its nutrition from the plants around it.  Fascinating!

Using my iPhone camera the majority of the time, it's hard to do good macro photography.  I can't get nearly as close to plants with my phone as I can with my camera.  But I did pull out my camera both to zoom in on the bluffs and to get shots like these of the few pops of color along the path.

Each view was so interesting and lovely in its own way.  We got to see each view twice because the trail was an out-and-back.

I should have taken a pic of the boys facing at the spot above, because this one below got shadowy, but you take what you can get when you forget until nearly the end of the trail.

This is a view of the steps you had to walk up to access the trail, and back down to the parking lot.  There were a LOT!  It twisted one more time out of view.

When we got back to the parking lot, we noticed people walking down toward the shoreline where there was a short, rocky beach.  There wasn't a good spot to go down, but I watched as people used an area where the blacktop had washed out (possibly when lake levels were higher or a storm rolled through) a bit like stairs.  I asked if I could have just five minutes or so to walk around the bend on the beach and see the bluffs from below.  As I got around to that spot, I see Carter running up alone behind me!  I guess he wanted to come too, and he chased me down.    The view from down below was cool in its own right.  You can see how tall they are.  

The rocks were sort of interesting to me.  They seemed different than what I'm used to at my preferred rocky beach (haha) at Camp Pioneer.  These all seemed to be pinkish, blue-gray, and white.
 

It wasn't the most welcoming beach--definitely better for a walk than sunbathing--but it was quite a different type of scenic landscape than we're used to along the lakes.

We headed back to the van and started our trek toward home.  Our first stop was Sodus.  There's a bay that dips down by the town and it looked like a small cottage town where people spend their summers.  We were hoping for a little more life somewhere, but all we really got to see was a historical lighthouse.  

Not much else of note, so we went back toward Route 104, stopped for 89 cent Freezes and snacks at the Speedway along the way, and took that one road pretty much the entire rest of the way home!  Always interesting to see what's on the other end of the Rochester section of 104!

I finished off the day by doing a major hedge trimming job.  Despite being tired, it was worth it to get it done when the weather was cool because that job is hard!  Between my run and the hedges, I was quite sore on Sunday!  

It was actually a pretty quick but busy week this week (hence why this is just getting published a week later).  Jacob was at UR basketball camp all week, which was nice because we didn't have to spend our days refereeing the kids.  He got a great evaluation and seemed to enjoy his week, but I think he's ready for a rest.  Carter did a great job on his school work this week, finishing three reading lessons, four math lessons, doing two pages of handwriting, and reading me a book.  As a result, he earned a Taco Bell lunch on Friday!  My work has been chugging along, but the big news of the week is that our return to the office was pushed back again, this time to late September.  It was disappointing, of course, but I guess it's less frustrating once the kids are back in school.  It does create a bit of a challenge for me since I'm inheriting a family heirloom desk that will be less conducive to my work-from-home setup (but better for everything else in the long run), but I have a couple options in mind--either taking over Carter's computer desk on the other side of the room, or moving my current desk to a spot in our basement office.  Hopefully it won't be a longer delay, but I'm losing hope based on how the COVID stats are going.  

The big thing of the week was that Craig hopped a plane for the Bay Area on Thursday for the US Box Lacrosse Championships.  The college league he helped start this summer sent one of the Rochester teams to the championship, so he had to go out with them.  It's the first time he's traveled in ages, for about twice as long as most of his roadtrips (4-1/2 days!), and of course it comes when COVID is spiking again and hitting vaccinated people on top of it.  I'm not thrilled about that, but he's getting a lot of mask time so hopefully he'll be okay.  We have a lot coming up in the next week and a half, so I'm hoping he stays healthy.  We miss him a lot and it's been an adjustment, but we're managing.

Anyway, I'm glad we were able to get in a little adventure with some much needed scenic views.  It definitely restored my soul a bit.  I'm still trying to work through a vacation in a couple weeks to further redeem this summer, but we (hopefully) have some good extended family time coming up first!

The State of the Union - A Civil War Update

I figured it's been a while since I gave a solid update on the boys--the good and the challenging individually, and what happens when they're together.  I feel like things have evolved a bit (note I didn't say improved), so if nothing else maybe it's a good opportunity for me to talk myself through things and see if I have any a-ha moments!

Jacob

Jacob is definitely becoming a full-fledged teenager.  He has a deeper voice, and I can tell his legs are getting more hairy.  Fortunately, while the hair on his head is definitely getting darker (more of a dirty blond than it used to be), his other hair seems to be blond, which should make the awkward early mustache phase a bit easier to manage.  He's all good with shaving it immediately anyway, or so he says at this point, but suffice it to say, we are well on our way.  He is somewhere north of 5'5", from what we can tell, and rapidly getting more muscular.  He's even using protein powder now to try to bulk up a bit and become more of a force on the basketball court since he'll likely be playing with some older kids this year.  Sometimes I marvel at how his calves have filled out, because they were once so skinny (especially right after his bone cyst surgery), and now they're middle-of-the-road on the bench--not the biggest, but definitely not the skinniest.  He also is coming into his teenage appetite, which is not cheap when he's gluten-free!

The attitude is clearly hitting the teenage years as well.  He's moody and can get overly angry about dumb stuff.  I think it could definitely be worse, but he's decidedly unimpressed by most things.  I'm struggling to plan a vacation this year because he's officially at the stage where everything will be considered boring and he'll only be asking to find a basketball court en route so he can practice.  When we talk about Disney, he talks more about us needing to be at a resort with a court than about any attractions he'd like to see.  He's very singularly focused, obviously, which isn't terrible but does make others' interests a little harder to move up the priority list.  He's also a bit inflexible at times, which means any plans or changes in plans are interrupting whatever vision he had in his head of that period of time.  He'd much rather stay home or only leave to play basketball if at all possible.

He has far more confidence than I ever did at that age, which is a blessing and a curse.  He seems unaffected by new schools or new teams or anything like that.  He's confident in his basketball skills, and they are pretty solid, but like in regular life, I think he has a much easier time seeing others' flaws than his own.  That means we have to be on him for maintaining a work ethic and focusing on his own skills more than worrying about others--he's good but can always be better.  

Keeping him occupied this summer has been harder since we're both busier with work on a regular basis.  He prefers to do basketball with someone (and has periodically blamed the imperfections in our hoop for ruining his shot anyway), and can't go in the pool alone--not that it's been great pool weather anyway.  That means he's on Xbox quite a bit, watches The Simpsons, or maybe eventually retreats to his room to listen to music and mess around on his phone.  And when all of that fails, he bugs his brother, but I'll get into that in a bit.

I will say that he seems to have a decent head on his shoulders about certain things.  When you talk to him about certain teen pitfalls, he seems to answer correctly so far (like, why would I ever do that?!), and sometimes he can be mature about things.  I know sometimes when he sees I'm frustrated he will go the extra mile to take care of something so I'm less frustrated, so I appreciate that.  But like most teenagers he has a lot of good intentions that don't always pan out when it's time to do what's needed.  Like, he wants to work harder in school and get good grades so he can go to Harvard (!), but we'll see what happens in the fall when he has a new teacher that annoys him or he just doesn't feel like it.  Sometimes he seems to want to take care of his own stuff and says we should give him chores (and pay him), but every time I ask him to do something just to contribute to the household chaos reduction, I get brushed off--whether it's putting away his own cereal box or recycling the empty one, or putting away the school backpack that's still sitting where it was on June 4 when he finished school.  I know most of the time he's not trying to be a jerk, but likely his ADHD allows him to not see the empty boxes, couch full of crumbs, or the multiple cups around his spot.  I feel like one of my biggest challenges is teaching him to be on the lookout for that stuff without nagging him.  Otherwise he's going to be living in squalor when he gets older, so we need to start pushing it more now.

Overall, I know things could be worse and the next few years are definitely going to be a roller coaster ride, but we're hanging in there so far.

Carter

Carter is such a wild card.  Where Jacob has always been focused on very specific goals and activities, Carter just sort of floats through life taking it all in.  That's not to say he readily accepts all that he encounters.  His one-time chill flexibility has been replaced with pretty specific opinions on almost everything, but he's much less proactive than Jacob about where he's going and what he's doing--unless it has to do with an electronic device, mind you.  Then he has very clear ideas about what he wants to do, how he's going to do it, and every possible scenario he may encounter.  For a kid that can't remember what I said to him five minutes ago, he speaks with incredible detail about intricate things in games and videos, from weapons to creatures to strategies.  It's hard to follow even when you're paying full attention, let alone when you're slightly preoccupied like I am during a typical workday at home.

I'm glad he's finally passionate about something, as his interests have stayed rather uninvolved for most of his life.  He likes different things, but it's been rare for any one thing to stand out for a significant period of time.  Paw Patrol lasted a couple years, maybe.  He had a couple sports stints.  He liked cars and other vehicles for a while, too, and sometimes goes through certain animal phases.  But none of those things really seemed to stick the way sports has for Jacob since he was just starting to walk.  I know Jacob's an odd case and most kids bounce around a bunch, but I feel like by this age there's usually been a few more really clear things that a kid has latched on to, and that hasn't really been the case for Carter.  

I felt a little bad as we talked to his therapist initially, because when he asked about Carter's strengths I had a hard time coming up with more than a couple given his stubborn, challenging behavior in the last couple years.  My once super-sweet kid now tends to be a little grumpy and particular and oblivious to others.  He likes to run, and he's definitely got a creative mind, but getting him to put those things on display takes effort.  He'd rather be on a device, soaking in information and maybe even putting it to use.  Where Jacob is really good with building anything from Minecraft to Legos, Carter ends up with a lot of concepts that seem interesting but often don't pan out.  His toy constructions are a little odd and rickety, and often take some extra imagination to see what he sees.  His electronic creations are interesting, but often he puts more effort into just getting something functional and as a result the visual elements are lacking a bit.  He's just not a big detail kid currently, aside from the realm of random facts.  He feels a little like that old commercial that talks about "search engine overload" where one person says something, and the person they're talking to starts rattling off irrelevant but similar-sounding things like search engine results usually do.  He will just rattle off this stream of consciousness about any random thing that's minimally related to the thing you just talked to him about.

With all his creativity and random facts, he seems like he should have a lot to write about or draw, or that he would love reading to gain new knowledge on his favorite subjects, but it's a struggle to get him to do any of those things.  We're definitely hoping ADHD medication can help with some of these things, and it already seems to be a bit of a help with summer school assignments, which he's doing mostly without complaint.  But it remains to be seen if we can slow his busy brain down enough to make lower-key activities more enjoyable for him.  He's a bit forgetful and a little clumsy, so school and sports can both be challenges.  So, he immerses himself in YouTube videos and game details instead.  

Even still, he's been a bit better this summer about taking breaks and playing with actual toys.  The Tinkertoys, magnetic tiles, and his action figures have gotten a bit more attention, which has been nice.  I think for the most part he'll start something with a plan, but gets bored or realizes his idea is too complex, and never really gets around to finishing it (or cleaning up).  I've said for a long time that if electronics are an option, he will always pick that option.  It's usually only when they're not (tablet's dead or we have banned him) that he allows himself to get into something else.  It's been better than last summer, but still a challenge.  His hesitance also applies to our little outings.  He's never really thrilled to go on them (unless a playground is involved), but he always ends up having some fun, even if he won't let on how much fun he had.  He still does his fair share of complaining, especially about shopping or anything that's too boring or takes too long, but I guess we're trying to push his limits a bit where we can.

I know he's a good kid, but I feel like he's still a bit of a puzzle.  A few different factors seemed to lead to him getting all twisted up, and I feel like we just need to figure out how to get things untwisted to allow the sweet, easy-going kid to re-emerge.  His brother, school, electronics, and his ADHD have all played a role, so if we can manage those things, I think we'll be on our way. 

Jacob + Carter

Even though the boys can be pretty decent kids separately, when they get together, things usually end up messy.  I've decided that they are, at their core, incompatible.  They are just completely different human beings.  They are both definitively ours, but it's like Jacob got one set of DNA and Carter got the other, and there's no overlap between the two.  Well, I take that back--they both got my dark brown eyes and they both got some crap combo that gave them ADHD.  But for the most part they each got completely different pieces from each of us.   

Here is the classic scenario we've been dealing with for the last two summers (and a lot of other times over the last year and a half):

• Jacob doesn't want to take his medicine first thing in the morning (which is annoying because he has two medicines for the exact purpose of getting him through a full day).  His ADHD craves stimulation, and he gets it primarily by annoying his brother and being difficult with us.  That is how he stimulates his brain--stirring things up.  We yell at him to take his medicine.
• So when he is bugging Carter, Carter tries to tell him to leave him alone.  Jacob doesn't listen and usually one of two things will happen - either they start physically fighting (sometimes under the guise of "playing a game") or Carter gets ticked and kicks, hits, or throws something at Jacob.  If the former happens, it always goes bad, we end up screaming, and have to separate them physically.  If Carter gets the first shot, Jacob acts like he's been shot, plays dead, and claims he did nothing and Carter attacked him anyway.  Even though we all know he was in there uninvited.  
• Carter has a bad habit of getting that first shot in even though these days Jacob's entrance isn't always going to lead to a fight.  Sometimes he's legitimately trying to be nice or ask a question.  But for the past many years, Carter got in a habit of proactively defending himself, and now he's doing it when he doesn't need to, which only leads to more bad blood.
• After physically trying to keep them separated, eventually Jacob is annoyed because Carter is spending too much time in his room.  Jacob is genuinely worried Carter is going to turn into a couch potato loser and wants to get him outside doing sports.  He makes an ill-advised attempt at getting him outside, which rarely goes well.  If Carter does go out, inevitably he comes back in a few minutes later because of some sort of injustice or frustration.
• When they play together, Jacob has a tendency to dominate the situation.  He either plays too hard and Carter gets hurt, or his critiques of Carter's basketball skills hurt his feelings, or Carter's just tired of feeling inferior.  Jacob rarely wants to play another sport, but can sometimes be convinced if Craig or the neighbor wants to play, too.  Carter insists he hates basketball, so it's hard to find a happy medium.  Jacob gets extra mad when he plays what Carter wants to, with the deal they'll do both sports, and then Carter bails before they get to basketball. 
• Back inside, the boys try to play nicely together on Minecraft.  Jacob insists he's trying to let Carter play, but inevitably either he bosses him around or forces Carter to play his way, on building projects he has created, which of course Carter has less allegiance to.  Jacob can't quite understand why Carter might not have fun building sports stadiums, even though sports is clearly not Carter's favorite thing.  Carter likes to play Survival (where they have to fight people off), but Jacob prefers building in Creative.  Usually Carter gets bored or annoyed they can't do more of what he likes, so he leaves.
• More fighting ensues, and every time you try to get to the bottom of it, each kid will one-up the other explaining what was done to them that caused them to lash out.  So Carter hit Jacob but only because Jacob came into his room, but Jacob only did that because he had a question for Carter, but then Jacob annoyed him and wouldn't listen when asked to leave, so Carter lashed out.  But Carter then insists that he only did that because Jacob took his stuffed animal (or his sock--always one sock) and wouldn't give it back, but Jacob says he took the sock because Carter wouldn't answer a simple question.  It just keeps going with no clear starting point other than (usually) Jacob going into Carter's space uninvited because he wants Carter to get off the screens and become a more social person.  But because Jacob was trying to make an honest effort, it frustrates him when he gets in trouble for going in there and disturbing the peace.
• Jacob also needs to work on simply being nice.  He tends to find everything he can to make fun of Carter, downplay his interests, intimidate him, or otherwise just make him feel small and insignificant or dumb.  He does this thing (Google "I like ya cut, G"--easier to do that than explain it) and it makes me CRAZY.  It is so demeaning.  He just can't seem to let any opportunity slide, and as a result Carter can be self-conscious and have very hurt feelings.  Often he feels that he's just joking, but it all just comes across as yet another dig.  It does nothing to build the goodwill and trust they so desperately need.

As I said earlier, they're just incompatible.  They come together and chaos ensues because they're on totally different wavelengths.  Neither is entirely wrong, but they're not entirely right either.  They each have legitimate beefs with the other.  Jacob isn't very nice or accommodating, but he's also right that Carter should take more screen breaks and try to vary his interests a little bit so he can talk to people about something else besides Minecraft or YouTubers.  I appreciate that he's taking some interest in assisting him with that, but with the lack of trust between them, it just doesn't come across properly.  Carter has been bullied nearly constantly for years, so it's not surprising he has some challenges to work through.  We're working on them and it takes time, but he really does need to stop lashing out at Jacob unnecessarily in the meantime, because that just enrages Jacob even more and starts the cycle all over again.  

Despite all this, I feel like they're trying harder to make it work than they ever have.  When they do work together on Minecraft or play Wii games together, they can go a solid hour without fighting.  Eventually something goes wrong, it seems, but those little moments are good.  Just today they worked together on a Minecraft baseball/football stadium and built a giant beer bottle in the outfield that shoots out fireworks.  They were both so proud of it.  We never used to have those moments so I'm thankful when they happen, but we still have a long way to go.  Every time they complain about family therapy we remind them that if they could just figure out how to get along and stop needing revenge over every little thing, we could save a lot of money that we could use on a cool vacation.  But until that happens with greater regularity, back we go every two weeks to talk it through for an hour.  I will say we're not perfect parents either, so we're not guiltless and probably need that time a bit ourselves, but easier kids mean easier parenting--and hopefully no more therapy!  So, long story short, we're probably better off than we were a year ago, but things still need to get better.  A little more self-awareness and effort, and maybe we'll hit "tolerable" one of these days!  But I guess it's progress nonetheless...so I'll take it for now.

A Day to be "Us"

It was a weird week.  On one hand, I was so looking forward to our weekend because we had a much-anticipated family wedding on Craig's side and a family reunion on my side.  On the other hand, the reunion wasn't going to be at the beach (the camp is in the middle of a sale), and all sorts of stuff was driving my anxiety up--my mom's sister's husband got a terrible diagnosis, our friend ended up in the hospital for an allergic reaction to her MS infusion, and COVID cases are rising everywhere, to the point my NYC friend's office shut down because half his team has contracted COVID despite being vaccinated.  That made me infinitely more nervous for what we had hoped might be a "normal" wedding--particularly as we looked ahead to July when we were at the crazy, COVID-edited last family wedding in November.  It made it hard to consistently plan for the weekend--sometimes I was excited, sometimes I was nervous--and as a result, packing and prep were a little disjointed (and it showed because we forgot so many random things this weekend--nothing crazy, but still, it was unlike us).

I'm still trying to take comfort in my flowers and gardens, even if they're still making me crazy with all the rain and just finding a balance to keep things watered and happy.  This random capture on Wednesday when we got back from a rough night of basketball made me happy.

Also, my last different flower from my variety of seed packets finally bloomed.  I had been waiting for these cosmos to bloom, and they're really cute--yellow-orange and yellow so far.

We tried to pack as much as possible before the weekend, but of course we got tripped up by a handful of the usual suspects at the last minute.  Packing up food, using and packing morning toiletries, the lack of a set departure time, wardrobe issues, and Jacob's complete inability to leave his brother alone and get in the shower at a reasonable time (also a perpetual issue on church Sundays) all set us back, and before we knew it, getting to the wedding on time was going to be a challenge.  I was hoping to get dressed and do my hair at my parents' after getting lunch on the way, but then my dress took forever to iron and Jacob took so long getting ready that I had to curl my hair at home and we had to pre-order our Firehouse Subs for pickup along the way and take them to my parents'.  Thank goodness I ate as we drove because I needed every second to get ready, and still managed to forget to change my jewelry.  Craig forgot to pack a tie, so we were both a bit of a mess.  We ran out the door quite late and the GPS had us getting there about five minutes after the ceremony was supposed to start.  And of course it was in the city and parking was a pain, but thankfully there was a side door and a lot of bridesmaids, so we got there as the bridesmaids were coming in and had almost all 10 of their long aisle walks to settle in.  It was the same beautiful church where Craig's other cousin, our former flower girl, got married two years ago.

The ceremony was lovely as always--and maybe even meant more this time around.  For one, Craig's cousin Julie is the only daughter in a family of five kids, so seeing her dad get to walk her down the aisle was meaningful.  Also, this had been a long time coming in more ways than one (the groom is only a year younger than me), and maybe seeing more mature adults committing in that way hit different than it does with wider-eyed younger folks whose path to the altar felt more...inevitable, perhaps?  Anyway, it was great.

Two of the biggest challenges of COVID for me have been the lack of couple time and the lack of making an effort to feel pretty.  We've spent the majority of the last 17 months with the kids.  Yes, there were days when we were home alone when they were at school, but we were rather focused on work for most of that and it wasn't like we could have long, in-depth, kid-free chats at our leisure.  Not to mention that Jacob stays up late all the time, so any late night adult time we used to have has been extra hard to come by.  There have been very few date nights--two dinners and now two weddings, and that's about it.  So you can imagine my excitement to have a half day where we dropped the kids off and had time together.  I was also extra excited to get all dressed up.  Not getting dressed up for work every day has been a blessing and a curse.  Of course it's easier to throw on shorts (or jeans all winter) and a t-shirt, and just doing the bare minimum of hair and makeup, but there's something to be said for making an effort and being rewarded with that feeling of satisfaction from adulting extra well.  I like feeling pretty and it's been a bit hard to come by since all of this started.  

Originally I had a plan to wear a dress I bought a couple years ago super cheap at Kohl's that I hadn't had anywhere to wear it since.  It's a black flowered dress with a slightly fuller skirt and a different hemline (longer in the back), and it felt perfect for a summer wedding.  Well, a few weeks ago I ordered a bathing suit top online at JCPenney for in-store pickup (it was a similar style to a top I have and love, and I got it so cheap), and figured I'd browse the clearance racks while I was there.  I tried on a handful of dresses, mostly just for kicks.  One of them ended up looking way better on me than I expected.  It was a maxi dress with a black halter top and flowy striped skirt (organza-type overlay over a calf-length underskirt).  It fit well and looked elegant but was still comfortable and summery.  But it was $27, which is a lot more than I usually pay for my clearance dresses at Kohl's.  So I put it back on the rack and left.  I was stopping at Kohl's after that to use some Kohl's cash, and the whole way there I was thinking about that dress. When I arrived at Kohl's, I figured out I somehow dropped one of my better masks in the JCPenney parking lot.  Then I didn't find anything of note at Kohl's, which made me think about about that dress even more.  So at the end of the Kohl's trip, I decided the lost mask was a divine sign to go back to JCPenney and grab it (who's going to pick up a mask, after all?  It had to still be there!), then go in and buy the dress.  $27 was still way cheaper than most dresses, and I figured it would also be a good option for my cousin's wedding next May.  So I did just that, and I decided I wanted to wear the new dress to this wedding--but don't worry, the other one got moved to the wedding we're going to in three weeks!

I had Craig take a picture of me in the dress because a Facebook friend wanted to see pictures after I posted the mask story, so I figured this would work.  Bonus points for it being in front of the school Craig attended for one year.

Our plan for the three hours between the reception and ceremony was mostly to go to the new-ish Hofbrauhaus in Buffalo.  As you may know, I am slightly obsessed with Oktoberfest, and ever since the Hofbrauhaus was announced in 2017, I have been waiting to go.  It took extra long for construction, then longer with COVID, but it finally opened a while back, so we wanted to stop in.  But we ended up making one detour to the mall first, so we could look for a tie for Craig.  I also used it as an excuse to upgrade my earrings (after forgetting to change at the house).  We were shockingly successful there (got what we needed cheap), then headed back to the city.

It felt pretty cool to pull up and see this sign!  Always neat when Buffalo gets something special like this!

They did an amazing job converting an old industrial type building to something that looked a bit like a German brewhouse.  

There's some nice outdoor seating and a bar, but it was pretty humid and a little drizzly so we ended up inside at the bar.  Seeing the official mugs and logo was pretty darn cool.  I watched audio and video webcams of the Hofbrau tent at Oktoberfest for years, so to be sitting in something similar was neat.  No live music at the time, unfortunately, but the background music was festive and it was nice to just relax and watch random Olympic events on TV.

And of course, most of all, it was nice to just be out with Craig and be able to have normal conversations that weren't interrupted every five seconds.

We clean up pretty nice!

Craig misunderstood the beer sizes a bit and ended up with the full litre of beer, which was bigger than his head.  After feeling the weight, I have no idea how those Oktoberfest waitresses carry so many of them in one hand!

Mine was a bit smaller!

And, of course, we HAD to have a pretzel!

It all felt a little surreal to be out, looking nice, enjoying a beer and snack, and relaxing with Craig without the kids fighting or complaining they're bored.  Not to mention it was at a place I've been waiting to go to for years, and was the "lite" version of an experience I've wanted to have for much longer.  Fingers crossed that at some point COVID lets up and we figure out how to take a trip to Poland (for Craig) and Germany (for me) and finally get me to Oktoberfest to enjoy more than just the webcams!

That round decoration looked like a keg front.

They had a whole wall of mugs locked up for regulars who have bought one to use each time they're there.  It's apparently a Hofbrau tradition, and it's pretty cool.

After thoroughly enjoying our beer and pretzel and checking the place out a bit, it was time for the reception.  The weather was iffy, but in the end it was a lovely evening with just a few raindrops (literally, just raindrops) here and there.  The venue was along the Niagara River near downtown Buffalo, a place I've passed by hundreds of times but never gone to.  Always nice to be by the water.

Dinner was great and we very much enjoyed seeing family and socializing with all the cousins, aunts, and uncles who we see less often (although I've definitely seen the female relatives quite a bit with all the showers!).  We took advantage of the pretty sunset for a selfie, and spent most of the rest of the night chatting on the deck with various sets of relatives.  We barely even got to dance because so many people were outside enjoying the evening and we just kept talking!

We went back to my parents' house full and tired.  I had a rough night of sleep thanks to a leaky inflatable mattress, but at least the report on the kids' night was good!  They had dinner, went to see a nearby traveling replica of the Vietnam Memorial Wall, and apparently didn't drive my parents nuts.  I'll call it a win.  On Sunday we had a family reunion--the one that's usually at the beach--but as I mentioned, the camp is currently going through a sale and something was preventing them from hosting anything right now.  It ended up at the outdoor pavilion at our old church, which was only five minutes from my parents' house and had a basketball net and playground.  The handful of kids there (including Carter) had a lot of fun with water balloons, and it was nice seeing some relatives on my side.  I'll look forward to the return to the beach next year, but the simplified version this year was appreciated.  We had a little issue at the end when Carter dropped a water balloon too close to Jacob, and Jacob insisted it ruined his shoes (the orange pair he got for his birthday), but they weren't really that wet and I think he was being a bit overdramatic.  It's always something with them.  

Which brings me to my next post...an update on the state of affairs in our house. Stay tuned...

News & Notes, Truly Random Edition, The Sequel

More randomness this week...

• My plants have taken a beating lately, but there are some survivors.  The immense amount of rain these last couple weeks has been one problem.  I think it was the cause of a bunch of brown spots on most of my zinnias, both leaves and blooms.  It was only the ones in the backyard, and since the protected front porch ones are fine, my guess is the constant onslaught of rain.  They're still blooming, but they've taken a beating.  I think some of them might have been snacked on by the deer, or maybe just the hard rain knocked petals off?  I think the deer also snacked on my coral bell and hosta flowers, too.  The Japanese beetles have been relentless as well, stripping some zinnia leaves and really doing a job on my string bean leaves.  Fortunately the beans are intact, and I've harvested a ton this week.  My snap peas seem mostly done but they've been fun.  My zucchini plants are struggling with a fungus but I'm hoping they'll be strong enough to kick out a few more.  At least my cukes are really getting going, even though my mom and I determined the store mislabeled the type--these look more like pickle ones, but they still work!  The hydrangeas are still amazing, although officially weighed down after days of being wet.
  
  

  

  Blue!

  
  
  

  Also, I'm not a huge fan of daylillies (they just look disheveled to me--I like symmetry a bit too much, I think), but this one was quite pretty.

  
  
  
  And last but not least, the pumpkin patch is coming back to life!  Three plants survived the deer and have new growth, and the six extras I planted in my post-deer sadness are growing!  They even seem to have survived being completely flooded out over the weekend.   

A few of them already have additional leaves since I took this picture!

• Speaking of rain, it poured for a lot of the weekend, which wreaked all sorts of havoc throughout Western New York.  Carter's last weekend of soccer was over the week weekend, and despite my hope that they'd cancel on Saturday when it was supposed to pour all day, I guess soccer isn't like that!  While Craig and Jacob were at a basketball tournament in Buffalo, Carter and I headed off to the fields in pouring rain after a full night of pouring rain.  The fields were shockingly decent, but it was wet!  By about five minutes in, I think the kids would have been just as well off jumping in a pool and hopping back out to play soccer.  On the sidelines, parents were employing every possible way of staying dry.  Admittedly, it wasn't working too well.  I had a poncho, canopy chair, and umbrella and still ended up with a giant wet spot on the back of one leg, along with a wet sleeve.

After we went home and cleaned up, we went out to a special lunch.  One of our longtime favorites, Carmine's is apparently closing this week.  It's not confirmed anywhere except certain people on social media who claim to be in the know (likely friends and family of employees), but the owner passed away and his wife can't handle the restaurant, and a buyer hasn't been found yet.  I figured we should go there and get a chance to say goodbye while we didn't have to worry about Jacob.  We had a lovely lunch--Carter had a hot dog and fries, I got a chicken finger sub, and we took home a pizza to go.  We will really miss it there, and it makes me sad Jacob's Celiac has prevented us from eating there more often these last eight years.

Fortunately, the sun came back out Sunday morning, and it actually got downright hot by late morning when Carter started soccer again.  My parents were able to come in for his last two games of the season, which was nice since Craig and Jacob were back in Buffalo again.  Jacob did get 11 points in his last basketball game of the season!  Carter's team unfortunately suffered their only loss of the season against the only team that was competitive with them, which was a bit of a bummer.  One bad quarter was all it took, and it didn't help that a couple good players were absent, which hurt comeback chances.  But they've beaten that team previously, so if anything they ended up even with them on the season.  We killed time between the games by grabbing a snack at the concession stand, talking to his best buddy/teammate, and checking out the rather damp playground at the fields.  Turns out that his buddy's mom and I each put down the other's kid on our own kid's school info sheet where you could request classmates.  They may get into trouble together, but I think just having that good friend in a new school could be a huge help.  They won their last game handily, and while Carter didn't have any goals, it was fun to watch one more good game.  Afterward, he got his medal for completing the season, which he was excited to hang on his wall with the one he got two years ago.  I look at it less as a participation trophy and more like a keepsake from a season well-played.  Both of his soccer teams were good, though, so they both felt well-earned regardless.  

• I am getting REALLY nervous about COVID now, particularly with a wedding to attend this weekend.  Cases are going up, even among the vaccinated.  My college friend who works in New York City had his office shut down this week.  Almost half of his vaccinated team has tested positive, and a lot have pretty serious symptoms.  It's really concerning.  And yet, everywhere we go, people are still unmasked.  It'd be one thing if kids were safe, but they're not.  I feel like I'm being gaslighted or something--like I know that the virus is out there, I know everyone is at risk despite vaccination status, and yet the rest of the world is acting like nothing is happening.  I've commented on a couple social media posts that I'm not so much upset with the people that don't want the vaccine--I mean, here we are still hesitating getting Jacob vaccinated, so clearly we understand that it's a new vaccine and brings up questions--but I do have a problem with the people who refuse to get it AND refuse to take other steps for protection, like masking, social distancing, or even any sort of acknowledgement that this is an issue.  Am I worried about death?  Not really, but I am concerned about being sick for weeks, being quarantined in the middle of summer, and facing down long-hauler symptoms.  A healthy college friend of mine dealt with them for months, and my high school friend has weird ones like perpetually pink cheeks and vision changes.  I'd like to avoid that, thanks.  But I know when we walk into that wedding we would stick out like sore thumbs if we choose to mask.  It's so annoying to feel that way when we know that what we're doing is the wiser choice, and I'm just at a loss that everyone seems to think this is done.  Maybe not everyone has a friend like mine with a very real, very concerning story, but you can bet I'm going to plant that seed with people where I can to try to get some support.  All of this has made me question whether our return to work can even happen in the coming weeks.  In two weeks we have to do one day per week at the office, which is probably doable since we won't all be there at once, but if cases continue to rise and it becomes clearer to the powers that be that being vaccinated doesn't mean you're safe, I am curious whether the hospital will start pushing more conservative setups for non-essential office workers again.

Well, I think that's the big stuff.  I just didn't want to let it all slide for another week.  I really hope we'll get into some real fun soon.  Sorry it's a bit boring around here...two summers in a row.