News and Notes, Eternal Winter Edition

No, we haven't seen Elsa, but it does seem like we're trapped in an eternal winter.  It's mid-April and we've barely seen 50 degrees, let alone significant time in the 40s.  It's been rough.  We had one day in the 50s on Thursday and it even stopped raining for a little while, but otherwise, it's been cold, drizzly/snowy, and just generally miserable.  I'm shocked that any bulbs are even coming up because it hasn't been warm at all...but apparently spring has been waiting long enough and the flowers can't be held back much longer.  The worst part is that the extended forecast isn't really much better, which takes us almost to the end of the month with little improvement.  It's getting frustrating, not just because everyone is starved for warmth and sunlight, but because the kids are practically climbing the walls to go outside.  Jacob would probably go out all the time, but he doesn't want to go out alone.  Carter doesn't like the cold and neither Craig nor I really feel like hanging out outside when it's like this.  So my living room has looked like a ridiculous battlefield full of every toy imaginable for weeks, and we're just waiting for the day where a post-dinner walk or bike ride is in the cards.  But first, we have to get through an ice storm this weekend.  Yay.

I don't think I ever got back to Carter's blood work results.  As you'll recall, he had his blood work done before Easter, and he freaked out yet again.  They had to bring in someone to hold his arm because he kept slipping out of my grip, and it was just generally horrible.  We'd talked about it at length, had a prize in place, and there was even a little girl who came in right after us and I tried to remind Carter that if he yelled he'd scare her.  But oh, did he ever yell.  Probably 10 more people came in immediately after the little girl, which meant we had a huge audience to pass by on our walk of shame on the way out.  His prize (which he actually said beforehand he didn't want to be his prize because he wanted to earn it another way--I think he knew it was going to be ugly) is still sitting in my room waiting to be earned.  Anyway, the results trickled in over the next few days.  Thank goodness, everything was fine.  Even the ferritin was where they wanted it.  His Celiac test was very definitively negative, which was a huge relief.  There was one slightly odd result, for his thyroid stimulating hormone.  It was a little above normal, which could indicate hypothyroidism.  However, I find that odd since he can barely keep weight on and has a ton of energy.  The doctor wasn't particularly concerned, but I assume it will need to be redone in three months when we're supposed to get the ferritin redone (nooooo) because they knocked him down to a kids' multivitamin with iron instead of the adult dose.  We'll see how that goes.  But still, it was a relief that there was nothing of concern.

This week involved a couple answers to prayer on the medical front as well.  My dad had been having issues that he figured had to do with a kidney stone, but no stone had appeared yet and his doctor decided to do a procedure to check things out.  It was a little stressful as time went on, but luckily a couple days before he finally passed a stone, which was a huge relief.  Even better, the results of his procedure were good as well.  On a smaller scale, I started to come down with a cold on Saturday night, completely out of the blue, and started taking zinc right away.  Sunday was a little rough and Monday wasn't ideal, but Dayquil and Nyquil saved the day and night, and by Tuesday I was pretty much normal.  I know it seems like a little thing since it's just a cold, but when you're a working mom, a cold is pretty miserable--maybe even more so when you're not quite sick enough to stay home from work!  I still have a little lingering congestion here and there, but my allergies can do that on their own, too, so who knows?  But getting well quickly was a huge relief.

Thursday was a big day for us as our local Chick-fil-A, the first in our area, opened up five minutes from us.  If you recall from our Maryland trip in November, Chick-fil-A became our BFF, so getting one here is exciting.  It's nice having a new quick option for Jacob, since one of our best ones--Mighty Taco--closed their Greece location last year.  Craig managed to sneak there for lunch yesterday, and then--perhaps just to get out of the house before the ice storm--went for lunch.  We had to park across the street at the mall, walk over (past the drive-thru lineup about 20 cars deep into the adjacent neighborhood) and spend about three minutes in the bitter cold since the line had snaked outside.  It went through the entire length of the restaurant, but it probably only took about 15-20 minutes to get through.  Craig took Carter into the play area for a few minutes while we waited...

We were lucky to snag a table, and our food was delicious as always.

We had to stop at Wegmans on the way home (you know, bread and milk prior to the storm), and Carter was sad that the free cookie bin was empty.  However, it got filled before we left, and he was victorious with a giant frosted cookie!

What else is new?  We upped Jacob's evening Ritalin dose, mostly because sometimes it seemed the original dose did nothing, but also because he grew an inch and gained four pounds (up to 70!) since January and the old dose may not have been enough anyway.  He's had more of a temper lately, which I worry is a side effect of the early stages of puberty (kill me now).  He just seems to fly off the handle for little stuff more than he used to.  He does try to play with Carter, and once in a while it works for a little bit, but they can't seem to leave each other alone so it still doesn't last long or end well.  We're tired and over-reliant on electronics, but you do what you can.  I'm personally making efforts--when his behavior allows--to be affectionate with Jacob and spend time with him.  It's not always easy because he will often say or do things that sort of make you want to slug him, but when I can, I try to build whatever trust and love that I can.  I know he appreciates it--craves it, even--though he can't seem to connect to that later when things go back downhill.

I have completely finished up my scanning project.  My parents' albums are done and I even scanned the photo books my mom made for me with school pictures and assorted doubles from those time periods.  The only other thing I might do is scan Jacob's and Carter's baby books (although Carter's is still a few pages short of being done--still have to finish his 5th birthday and wait for the first day of school), but otherwise, I'm all scanned out for now.  It's been quite a project and I'm so relieved to have them scanned and safely uploaded to the internet.  It was definitely a journey down memory lane and often broke my heart to see those that have passed, but I'm obviously thankful to have those memories.  We just passed the two year anniversary of my cousin Kristi's passing, and it was nice to have an assortment of pictures scanned to share with her family on that day.  My parents' albums were over 5,700 pictures, and while that sounds crazy, it really wasn't that bad.  It was a lot of evenings of scanning as I watched TV, usually 75-200 at a time, depending on how quickly the kids went to bed.  Done a little at a time, it was really manageable.  But I'm a little relieved it's done!

Well, off to bed.  Hoping we still have power in the morning...the glazing of ice outside has begun!

My Irrational Reality TV Problem

Sooo...lately I seem to be having a problem with select reality TV shows.  Specifically, I'm having a jealousy issue.  It's completely ridiculous, irrational, and short-sighted.  It's the epitome of "the grass is always greener."  But darn it, it's bugging me, and this week it's been worse.  I'm jealous of the giant families on reality TV, namely the Duggars and Bates.  And yes, I know this is nuts, but hear me out.  I have legitimate reasons.  And while I know there are many real-life reasons to counteract the ones I see on my side of the screen, just indulge me for a couple minutes, OK?  Here are the reasons I'm jealous of these two mega-families:

1) They are close in age and have things in common - My brother and I are four years apart.  It's not a lot, but I think it's sort of a pivotal span for a couple reasons.  First, we were never in high school or college at the same time.  He was leaving, and I was coming in.  Even when we were in the same school from K-8, usually K-4 did their thing and 5-8 did theirs.  It was rare that we had major shared experiences outside of life at home.  Also, I feel like four years is enough to have significantly different lives, but not enough of a span to have a mentor-type relationship.  You know, you hear about the families with a 10-year-old whose best little buddy is their baby sibling because they can teach them everything.  I think particularly because we're different genders and our gap was smaller, it just didn't work out that way.  To this day we're not close.  We don't have any specific issues, but we just live very different lives aside from both having kids that are similar ages.  Geography, interests, general way of life...all just different.  It is what it is.  We should do better, and maybe someday we will.  But for now I'll just be jealous of these families with lots of kids close in age, all living a very specific kind of life and having to band together for support in a society that's decidedly different from them.  They need that moral support, and luckily they have an army of siblings (and friends--including the other family) to do that.  They have such a unique shared life experience, and that alone has to bond them more than a typical set of siblings.

2) They're all getting married and having babies together - I know there was one who started earlier, but they're still having babies, too.  There will be many more down the line, too, but with groups this large, there's bound to be overlap for pretty much everyone.  And that's pretty awesome.  I grew up with a bunch of cousins within a few years of me on one side of the family, and that was the best!  Alas, of all of my cousins within that span, I'm the only one with kids.  Of the ones outside that realm, the kids are either out of town or older.  My eight-years-younger cousin is due in a month, but now Carter is already five years older than that baby.  Long story short, my kids don't have a lot of cousins on my side to grow up with, and Carter's sort of out of luck on the other side, too.  But within the Duggars and Bates, they have more cousins than they know what to do with.  Most of them will always have someone close in age, and that's really cool.  And it's awesome for them as parents, too, since they have people to commiserate with,  pass their kids off to for a playdate while they have date night, or to double date with.  It would just be nice to know you have multiple options for all of it, and your kids will always have built-in buddies.

3) They're young and innocent - Last week was the Joseph and Kendra Duggar wedding episode.  It was actually a little weird watching it and knowing they're now halfway through their first pregnancy, but it was clear how young and excited they were then.  To be in your late teens and early 20s with your whole life ahead of you...it's such a special time.  But to be madly in love and getting married?  Forget about it.  Best thing ever.  I feel like they're also in a unique position because they seem to be comfortable financially, which isn't usually the case at that age.  I assume it's because of the shows and that many of the boys work with their dads, but since there's no expectation for the women to work, there's no doubt they're cool.  Add in that they seem willing to have kids right away and they're clearly more advanced than most people their age.  But they're still so wide-eyed and excited at the same time, and it's sweet.  And from my perspective, so many years removed from that stage, that sounds so nice.  Also, knowing how hard I tried to be good back when I was in college in particular, I can relate to their "no kissing before marriage" thing and how hard it is.  I can't imagine what it's like to not kiss your spouse until you're married to them, nor can I imagine what happens when it's time to move right on to sex immediately!  But it's cute to see them be all nervous about it, and that whole first kiss feeling was pretty great, so good for them!  I guess when you feel like you're stuck in a challenging rut, it's nice to live vicariously.

4) Their faith is central to their lives - I'll admit I'm jealous of how dedicated they are to their faith.  It's at the core of everything they do, and it's clear how fulfilling it is for them.  I wish that I could be like that.  I have a hard time finding the time to do a daily devotional, and it's not always easy to bring my faith into my daily life--at least, not when I spend most of the day focused on work and the rest frustrated by my kids.  I should do better.  We do pray at meals and bedtime, and go to church and Sunday School, but clearly that's not enough.  Our first instinct should always be faith and prayer, and that's simply not always the case.  But with these families, there is no question.  It is the focus of their lives from birth.  Of course, based on Josh Duggar, it's not perfect--there are some issues that need attending to--but I admire people that have such a strong faith that will carry them through whatever life brings.

5) They seem very content - For all these reasons above, it just seems like they're all in this peaceful, content stage of life.  They're excited about marriage, excited about kids, and just cool with life in general, whatever it may bring.  Like I said, I feel like I'm in a bit of a frustrating rut--challenging kids, hardly any adventure, lots of obligations--so seeing people who seem genuinely joyful about daily life is inspiring.

Look, I know that behind every one of these stories is a shaken faith, bratty child, sleepless night, sick kid, or (at least in one case) an unfaithful spouse.  And their lives are clearly much different than mine even on the best day, and who knows what that's really like.  But apparently there's nothing like unbridled excitement and optimism, and when it's so blatantly obvious in watching someone, it's hard for that to not make you long to have the same thing.  Particularly when your day-to-day life is, shall we say, not so optimistic.  Maybe it's escapism, but for now it seems harmless.  I'm happy for all of them and I wish them nothing but continued joy.  Hopefully watching them will bring back memories of when we were in those stages and it'll give me a new appreciation for how far we've come.  I'll take what I can get.

Blast from the Past

So remember last week or so when I was talking about our old house?  Well, yesterday I drove by it on my way to daycare to see how the big tree in the yard fared after the 70+ mile per hour winds we had the other day, and much to my surprise, there was a "For Sale" sign out front!  I've actually been waiting for that to happen, to some degree, since I saw three kids in the yard a couple times.  How they fit that many kids in the house sort of boggled my mind since the living room and storage were full enough with one!  Of course, I was eager to get home and check out the listing, but I was pretty surprised by what I saw.

As I mentioned in my other post, I saw the old countertop outside the house recently, so I knew they had replaced that.  It appears it is granite.  They took out the ugly brown sink and put in stainless steel, and they did a nice glass tile backsplash.  The problem is that the cabinets were still the same ugly awfulness, so those three touches still didn't do much for the house.  I suppose someone could come in and realize all they have to do is paint the cabinets to have a nice kitchen, but still, it's odd.  The living room looks the same--still the red accent wall and goldenrod walls.  They had a ton less furniture in there, though--just a couch, chair, coffee table, and small TV stand for a good-sized TV.  I was happy to see that my beloved shelves were still there, though they were bare--which after looking through the photos a bunch of times, I decided must be because they're already in the process of packing.  There's still full furniture--though sparse--but there are only a few things anywhere on the walls or in the way of knickknacks.  Maybe that's how they roll, or maybe that's what their realtor recommended, but it barely looks lived in.

They replaced the teal green carpeting in the dining room with gray and added a small flat screen in there.  The bedrooms look the same, too, aside from a strip of border and some wall decals.  The bathroom is the same, too, with the light fixture we installed and the border I replaced.  Still very purple.

The basement appears to be where the kids' stuff got relegated, as it all lines a couple walls.  The plush carpeting is still there, and the bar looks good--and very full of liquor!  Oddly, they put a hole in the drop ceiling to hang some sort of suspended seat.  The basement bathroom looks pretty much the same, although I do think they replaced the icky shag carpeting in there with some tile.

The yard has a pop-up pool in it, and the shed is gone...though the door is still leaning up against the fence.  The patio looks like it's been taken over by something covered in mesh.  Maybe growing raspberries or something on trellises?  They seem to have added a few small trees closer to the house, but for the most part it's still the same blah yard.

I guess I was just surprised by how little they've done in eight years.  The old owners of our house would probably say the same thing about us, although coming in, this house probably had far less that imminently needed to be done.  I figured anyone who would buy that house would probably come in ready to spruce things up.  I was surprised they didn't paint the cabinets or any of the walls, add a dishwasher, do the roof, or really modernize much of anything aside from parts of the kitchen.  The things they did seem relatively minor, at least compared to the windows, garage and front doors, and central air that we did.  I am guessing the next person that comes in there may be the type that wants to really make it their own, and in many ways, I hope they do.  It could use it!

It was weird seeing other people's stuff in the space we lived in for almost five years, particularly since so much of it looked the same.  Some of the original curtains that we left behind are still in use, in fact!  With the shell almost identical, just seeing different furniture was odd.  It was almost like being inside the house again for the first time in eight years.  Much like when we left, I flashed back to moments there--middle-of-the-night baby moments with Jacob, the pregnancy test in the bathroom, hours spent cooking dinner in the kitchen, quiet weekends home alone, the little projects we were proud of.  It brought a lot of memories back to see it again as things come full circle eight years later.

Last night as I was puttering around the house, I had a couple moments remembering how excited we were to move in here, what a relief it was to move into a bigger, brighter house; to be away from the many projects we wanted to do; to have a dishwasher and pretty cabinets and a gorgeous, huge living room.  Even the office, which we barely use now, was a symbol of why this house meant so much to us.

The bad news is that once it sells, I probably won't see it again for years to come, and by then, who knows what it will look like!  We'll be that much farther removed from our time there, but we'll always have the memories.

All-Over Easter Weekend

Well, it was quite an Easter weekend around here.  It was a lot busier than expected, and actually some of it was not quite expected at all!  We started out on Thursday night with a Jacob-Mommy Date Night (and conversely, a Carter-Daddy night).  Jacob and I went to dinner at Chipotle, and then off to the Harlem Wizards game at one of the high schools in town.  The Harlem Wizards are a traveling basketball team in the same vein as the Globetrotters, but they are on a much smaller scale and do fundraising games.  This one was against a team of district teachers and a couple community members to raise money for all of the Greece PTAs.  We were going to go as a family, but then I caught a drift from Jacob that he'd be cool going with just me.  So I jumped all over that because we need more time with just the two of us.

The game was...interesting.  Definitely not the level of the Globetrotters, and perhaps a little too much focus on merchandise, but mildly entertaining.  The basketball looked promising, but they really didn't play a ton of it.  The teacher team did pretty well, all things considered, but every couple minutes the game got interrupted for a skit.  Some were funny, some were a little too drawn out.

The dunking contest was fun...

...but the conga line may have been a bit much.

In the end Jacob wasn't particularly impressed, but it was still a pleasant night out with him.

Unfortunately, at the end of the night he mentioned a sore throat, and because he's had strep going through his classroom for a week or two, we were concerned.  Carter and I were supposed to leave Friday morning for Buffalo, while Jacob stayed behind with Craig for the Knighthawks game.  Then Jacob decided he'd rather stay with us, but I wasn't a fan of that idea, either, since we had a busy day planned on Friday and he'd be exposing everyone to his germs in the process.  And, if he came with us, we wouldn't get him into the doctor until at least Saturday, if not Monday.

So, Friday morning we managed to sneak him into the doctor first thing.  He ended up not having strep, just a cold, but the plan was for him to hang out with Craig at the office on Friday.  That way, Carter and I could do our planned stuff in Buffalo, then come home Saturday morning to stay with Jacob all day while Craig was working.  Not exactly the peaceful, relaxing weekend we expected, but you do what you have to do.  Friday was the most important part, anyway, and we'd all get to go to Buffalo in one vehicle on Sunday, which was better anyway.

Friday was fun.  We went to my parents' church for their really nice Good Friday service, and Carter did well.  After that we went to Moe's for lunch with my parents, ran an errand, and went back to church to do their Journey Through Good Friday.  It's a walk-through Good Friday experience, starting with the Last Supper and going through to the tomb.  It wound through most of the building with scenes to reflect on and little symbolic activities to do.  We nailed sins to a cross, wrote the name of someone we need to forgive on a wall, touched a whip and nails like they used on Jesus, and placed a rock by a tomb.  They had a kid-friendly set of readings to go along with the adult ones, and Carter even got a little stuffed lamb to bring home.  It was really nice.  After that we went to my Uncle Jeff's house for our annual prunes and noodles dinner, which was fun (and tasty) as always.  Carter kept everyone busy by playing hide-and-seek (he is the worst player ever, but it's funny), and when we got back to my parents' house, he had a little time to sit with Grandpa and play on his iPad.

Saturday morning we left pretty early and got home by 9:45 to hang out with Jacob.  The boys had their moments as usual, but I guess all things considered it wasn't an awful day.  We did survive a three-stop outing without killing each other, so I guess that was good.  Dinner was sort of fun, because we got to use some of the eggs we colored earlier in the week:

Carter discovered he likes egg salad thanks to daycare, so I made him egg salad, and I made a family favorite, creamed eggs and asparagus, for me.  It just tastes like my childhood in spring!  We wrapped up the night with a Knighthawks win (that we followed from home) and a harrowing visit for the Easter bunny--Carter sleepwalked and had to pee (it's been a thing lately), and nearly caught the bunny in the act!  Good thing he was too out of it to know better!  It ended up being a late night because I forgot until the last minute that I promised I'd make cinnamon rolls for breakfast!

In the morning the boys were eager to find their eggs and baskets.  They were finding a lot of their eggs, but had a tough time finding their baskets!  Jacob's was particularly tough, and he was thrilled when he finally found it buried behind his lacrosse sticks!

Still looking for his basket, but excited about his eggs!

Action shot of the basket finding!

Carter got a chocolate bunny, some Cadbury mini eggs, a Kinder Egg, a chocolate soccer ball from Platters, a Hot Wheels stunt thing that looks like an aquarium, and a little hot dog vendor Lego set, which goes well with a bunch of other food vendors we have!  Jacob got a box of Platters chocolate, a bunny, Cadbury mini eggs, Warheads jelly beans, and a note from the bunny saying that he knows Jacob is a little particular about his stuff, so he left a little something for Mom and Dad to let Jacob pick out something.  Long story how that came to be, but we'll figure it out.

Right before we went to church, the boys wanted to open a wrapped gift Jacob found while hunting.  Inside was a box of magnetic tiles!

After the success of Carter's birthday tiles, I decided I wanted to get more (which I did with less guilt thanks to my Discover Cashback Bonus) because I wanted there to be enough for both kids to build epic towers without running out of pieces or arguing.  If I could encourage that with a few more tiles, it seemed like a good plan.  Neither kid was super pumped at that point, but stay tuned...

We headed to church, which was really nice, and then rushed home to change and get on the road to Craig's family.  I couldn't help but try to take pictures of my handsome boys, though.  "Try" being the operative word...

Not quite...

Better...sort of.  I guess this is Jacob's cool-guy, relaxed, model try-out look?

We hung out with family, ate our fill of yummy food, and relaxed.  Even though it was in the 30s outside, the kids still did the traditional Easter egg hunt.  The sun barely took the edge off of the cold, but the kids had a blast anyway!  Sadly this will be the last one at this house since Craig's brother's family will be moving soon, but it was a nice final hurrah!

Jacob and Carter were joined by two cousins, Craig's cousin's daughters, and the daughter of a family friend

We had a really nice day that stretched into the evening, and in the end we didn't get home until after 10!  Luckily Carter fell asleep in the car, so that wasn't too bad.  Of course, it apparently turned out to be too much for Jacob because he gave us a heck of a time on Monday morning when it was time to go to lacrosse camp.  The good news for him is that I was planning on working from home that afternoon so he could be there instead of Craig's office.  After our debacle over February break, we were extra careful to build in some extra time at home this break.  I'll be off with him on Thursday, too.  The challenge on Monday, however, was that I had to work all afternoon, leaving Jacob to keep himself occupied.  

After lunch he almost immediately dove into the new magnetic tiles.  The sets Carter got for his birthday gave us a wide variety of pieces, like arches, windows and doors, domes, and pieces that look like the top of a castle wall.  I picked out the new set specifically because it is all basic building pieces--large and small squares, and three types of triangles.  I felt like we needed more of those to build bigger stuff, or more structures at the same time.  I debated between a 60 piece set and a 100 piece set, but decided I'd just get the big set so I knew we'd have enough once and for all.  I figured I'd use some Cashback Bonus to knock down the out of pocket cost and ease my guilt in case they didn't go over well.  As I mentioned, initially neither boy seemed particularly excited (I think they were hoping for Legos--fortunately Uncle Brad's family hooked them each up with some of those!), but I figured that by the time they actually sat down to play with them, they'd realize how much more they had to work with and be excited...and sure enough, Jacob started it off with a bang!

He built an arena around his MegaBloks basketball court.  It included suites, a press box, a stage area, a loading dock, locker rooms, an eating area, and a practice court (made from Legos).

The stage area is behind the hoop

That open area is a locker room.  There's another on the other side.  Note the loading dock on the right between the locker rooms.

Top view - you can see the practice court in the upper left, and the loading dock in the upper right

Press box is on the right, on the middle level.  Shaggy and Scooby are broadcasting.  The top level has a camera man.

So, yeah, it was pretty epic.  Later in the evening he knocked this one down and started another one, and he stayed up way too late trying to perfect it.  It's not quite as epic as this one, but impressive nonetheless.  I like that he's using his creativity and that the tiles seem to be a hit.  If I can get them both to play together at some point, that will be even better.

So, all in all it was a good weekend and a decent start to the week.  The lack of spring is starting to get to all of us a bit, but we're looking forward to a weekend with Craig home.  Just a few more weeks of the season, then maybe playoffs...but by then maybe spring will actually show up!

This Gun Stuff

Ok, as I've said over and over here, sometimes I just write here so I can process things and get them out of my system.  Often there's something that I'd instinctively want to post on Facebook, but it would either be oversharing or the start of a firestorm if I did, so it just digs away at me until I have the proper outlet.  Right now, it's all of the gun stuff in the news.  I will reiterate--I'm not posting this here to get in an argument or have someone tell me I'm wrong--I'm just sharing my thoughts on it because it's frustrating to me and I want to get all my thoughts in one place--and hopefully out of my head a bit more.  My own dad will disagree with most of what I write here, but again--it's eating away at me and rather than let out my rage on my handful of Facebook friends who have been non-stop posting stuff about this lately, it's going here.

A little over a month ago 17 teenagers died from gun violence at a high school in Florida.  A few weeks after that another shooting happened in Maryland, where two kids were injured, but one of them eventually passed away.  The stories just keep adding up, and 19 years after the first big newsworthy school shooting at Columbine High School, things have only gotten worse.  Elementary school kids, college students, school and corporate employees have all been added to the victim lists.  It's terrible and tragic.  And yes, gun violence in our cities, teenage suicides, and texting while driving are all also very deadly to many of these same populations and should ALSO be receiving a lot of attention.  Absolutely.  And has this become a giant political issue, to a fault?  Absolutely.  But I don't think that makes it any less important to tackle this problem, along with all the others.

I think what makes this issue so important right now is that we're all realizing that it CAN happen to any of us.  Where it once seemed like, "That could never happen here," we hear all of the survivors say that they thought the same thing.  So clearly it CAN happen here.  It just takes one lunatic, no matter how small the town or how many drills the school runs.  We force our kids to go to school because that's what's best for them, but all too many times it has turned out to be a death sentence.  That shouldn't be the case.  I mean, shootings of the innocent are tragic no matter where they happen, but when we're telling kids that school is the best place for them, that it's safe and important for them to be there, and then they get shot, that just seems wrong.  So of course we want to do something about it.

In regard to the marchers this past weekend, I do admire them.  I don't know if it will really go anywhere, but it's worth a shot at this point.  This isn't about snowflakes or idiots who eat Tide Pods now wanting to change the Constitution.  They're just kids who don't want to fear for their lives at school.  Are there bandwagon jumpers?  Sure.  Do I think half the kids at school walk-outs were just in it for the time out of class?  You bet.  But there is a genuine fear in this country and I can't imagine what that's like for those kids.  So I'm not judging those who are legitimately up for a fight.  Just because kids can make really stupid decisions, it doesn't mean that they are incapable of having valid feelings or ideas.  Some people think it's wrong to question the second amendment, but they're trying to strip these kids of their first amendment right to free speech, so that's not right either.  People I really respect are posting some really stupid, offensive, bullying stuff on Facebook right now about the protestors, and it really bugs me.  They're kids, first of all.  Second, your argument sounds ridiculous when you name-call and belittle their argument on really petty points.  I'm not saying the other side hasn't had some missteps of their own, but why rag on kids that are trying to make some positive change?

Oh, wait, it's because your guns are more important than them.  Look, I get it.  The second amendment has been in place forever and we need to be armed so the government doesn't overthrow us.  Because that's really likely.  Sure.  At what point in modern history have we ever needed a well-regulated militia?  And when did anyone say we want all guns?  In most cases people are not looking to take all guns.  They want to remove the high capacity ones that can kill a lot of people in a few minutes.  There is no need for a military-style weapon to be in the hands of civilians.  By all means, let's keep them in the hands of our military and law enforcement, but normal people do not need to buy these.  You're not going to carry them around in public in the event you run into a mass shooting, nor do you need that much firepower to defend your home.  If we need to keep them available, let's keep them secure at gun ranges so they can still get their sport shooting in, but seriously...why does your desire to have those sorts of guns available outweigh my innocent kid's right to feel safe at school?  There's nothing wrong with changing laws to make getting these weapons much, much harder, at the very least.

But then only the bad guys will have the guns.  Yes, I know.  But again, no one is carrying theirs around with them on a daily basis to ward off mass shootings, and it would seem criminals aren't taking them to home invasions because they like to travel light.  So there are two scenarios happening here. 1) These guns are all over the inner city--or so it would seem.  The anti-gun control folks are right--criminals do not follow the laws.  Those guns will be there pretty much no matter what we do.  It's sad that innocent people die because of them, but so many of the deaths are people that are actively involved in gang violence killing each other.  If they won't listen to reason or laws, we almost have to let them figure it out for themselves--which may mean that they will eventually, in essence, make themselves extinct.  I'm not sure what other options we have.  But those guns don't seem to be the ones making it to the school shootings in the suburbs, which brings me to scenario #2) Most of these school shooters bought their weapons legally, or stole them from someone who obtained them legally.  And if laws were changed, those guns wouldn't be available to them.  Maybe then the awkward white kid would go into the inner city to find the gang member and buy one from him, but I haven't seen that happen yet, so I don't know.  I read an interesting point the other day, that if these guns were made illegal, their price on the black market would skyrocket and possibly make them too expensive for these kids.  Not a bad thought.  And in the absence of those guns, they'd probably use one with less capacity.  It could still kill, but the toll would be smaller.  Baby steps, I guess.

Oh, and to another point--if there are no guns people will use bombs or trucks or whatever.  Yes, that's true, but that doesn't mean we give up trying to get rid of one option at a time.  The thing is, trucks, knives, crow bars, and everything that makes a bomb have other more prominent uses.  Guns, on the other hand, kill.  They can hunt, yes, and they can be fun to shoot, but again, neither of those things should override human safety.  High capacity weapons aren't necessary for either of those things.  Banning certain guns only impacts shooting, whereas trying to ban those other things isn't really logical.  But, in case people have forgotten, regulations were put into place for purchasing large amounts of fertilizer after Oklahoma City and we haven't seen anything like that since.  Since we can't ban all guns, let's just try to lessen the impact as much as we can for now.

Opponents also think that we need to blame the person, not the gun.  The gun enables that person to do what they want to do, at a higher volume than they would be able to do it otherwise--at least 95% of the time.  In a perfect world we'd want to fix the problems that make that person want to shoot the gun, but here's the thing: fixing a lifetime of mental issues isn't instantaneous.  It takes years to do that.  So how do we impact things now?  We make their easy weapon of choice harder to get.  While we give them mental health treatment.  But the other problem with this is that the conservatives keep trying to take away opportunities for health coverage that can help mental health.  We need kids to stop bullying, we need people to treat others with respect, we need to lessen the desensitization that comes from violent imagery (and for the record, I don't think that's the problem for everyone, but I do think certain people are more highly impacted by it).  But in the short term, we need less access to dangerous weapons.

I think what frustrates me most about the anti-gun control folks is the constant use of logical fallacies.  In my freshman year of college, I took a philosophy class called Critical Thinking.  I suppose I never knew how much impact that class had on me until now.  All that keeps popping into my head every time I hear these arguments are the fallacies I learned about back then.  There's the slippery slope, where taking away certain guns will lead to all guns being taken away.  The appeal to tradition would infer that just because the second amendment had a purpose then, that it's still completely relevant today.  I don't even want to dig into the rest, but there are so many instances: Trying to point out the irony of the left's support of abortion that kills thousands, or bringing up the Tide Pods, or any other invalid, illogical argument that they constantly use to distract from the fact that guns are killing people in unlikely places.  We don't need that level of weapon and common sense legislation wouldn't infringe on their rights...but since the left is pushing it, God forbid they give an inch.

At a family gathering this weekend I got into a bit of a discussion with family that leans farther right, and they compared it to cars that go 200 mph.  If used to their full potential they will have a high likelihood of killing someone.  Do people have the right to own one?  Should they exist at all?  I honestly feel like there's no need for a car to go that fast.  As far as the right to own one?  I guess I don't know because (again) I don't feel like it's necessary for them to even have that capacity.  If someone is going to be responsible and only use it in a safe environment, I guess I don't care.  But the fact of the matter is that there are very few safe places for that to happen, so why bother having one?  If someone is going to be irresponsible, then no, I don't think their right to own one should overshadow my right to safety in my own neighborhood.  So, needless to say, their argument didn't really sway me.  In addition, I later realized (of course) that even among "bad" owners, car owners generally wouldn't want to kill someone with their car, but "bad" gun owners do.  So even then it's not a logical comparison.  The point is trying to keep a dangerous weapon out of the hands of someone looking to hurt others, and I'd feel that way whether it was a car or a gun.

The biggest problem in all of this is that everyone is seeing the extremes and immediately assuming that everyone on the other side is that extreme.  The left thinks everyone on the right is a Trump-loving, gun-toting Neo-Nazi.  Everyone on the right thinks the left wants to strip away ALL of their guns, rewrite the entire Constitution, and let the government overtake their unarmed constituents.  No one wants to take the time to realize that a lot of us closer to the middle just want to either seriously limit access to guns (like, lots of training, lead time, and mental health checks), or if we're going to eliminate anything, we'd be fine with just the high capacity stuff that no citizen needs for reasonable self-defense or hunting.  I'm cool working on mental health and better parenting and less bullying in the meantime, but in the short term until that stuff has time to take hold, we need to do what we can to find common ground to limit access.  And if you're a reasonable, safe, mentally sound, responsible gun owner, you should have no reason to be concerned.

Oh, and one last note.  I'm actually sort of disappointed in how things have played out with the Parkland kids.  On one hand, I'm seriously against all of the bullying that the right has thrown at them.  Name calling, spreading lies, and creating fake news and deceptive memes is all completely uncalled for.  Adults should not be doing that stuff to kids.  But on the other hand, I'm also a bit disappointed in some of the kids and concerned for their futures.  First, it's a bit contradictory, or at the very least short-sighted, to be rallying against guns when you were among the people who bullied the kid enough to drive him (at least in part) to turn to gun violence to get his revenge.  At the very least have some remorse and use the platform to rally kids to stop bullying, too.  Second, I also think it's a little dangerous to look to teenagers as a guiding voice in a huge issue like this.  I do think their story needs to be heard, but these are kids (you know, the ones whose brains aren't fully developed yet) and I see a few concerns:

1) Getting involved in adult affairs without really understanding the depth of the issues or some of the implications can really complicate things beyond what teenagers can comprehend.  I guess it's stuff like advertising boycotts and digging into legislation, much of it on the basis of emotion.  We're dealing with grown-up stuff with grown-up implications that are far beyond what they're used to as they walk through high school halls.  I think they have an important voice, but there's something to be said for life experience and maturity in framing arguments and understanding consequences.

2) Teenage impulsivity could lead to them saying or doing something really stupid that will either undermine their credibility (giving the other side more ammunition) or deal a blow to the entire campaign.  Don't give the other side talking points by impulsively shooting off your mouth in the heat of the moment, or getting caught doing something contradictory. 

3) Someone like David Hogg is really putting himself in the crosshairs--quite literally considering his opponents--and could be putting himself in danger.  Some of these kids also don't understand the impact this stuff could have on their futures.  Some people will consider them heroes, but others will stonewall them hardcore, and I think it's hard to understand the implications of this stuff now.  I can also see some of this stuff going to their head, and this would be quite the head trip for a teenager to deal with.  They better get some good therapy throughout this ordeal, because I can see the letdown afterward being rough, or the self-importance messing with them down the road. 

This sort of stuff really appropriate for kids to have to be dealing with.  It would be a lot for a well-grounded adult, let alone a kid that's just been through a traumatic event.  I give them credit for putting themselves out there, but maybe the adults around them should be guiding and protecting them a bit more.  They shouldn't be used as a tool for your agenda--for either side.

This argument has so many angles and I know I haven't covered them all, which is why I'm asking for no arguments to come from this.  I'm sick of everyone finding the one tiny loophole in everyone else's argument and jumping all over it.  I just did this to get it all out of my system.  There are valid points on each side but we need to find common ground to prevent this stuff from continuing to happen.  I think each side has to give a little for the greater good of society.  Holding extreme positions will get us nowhere.  We'll only start to agree when the point of view is just close enough to our own that we can start to see the ounce of good in it and build from there.  I don't know how to fix this, but for my kids' sake, I hope we can get somewhere.  I think this is good momentum, and if people would only get their heads screwed on straight, we can make our country a safer place for everyone.

Woof.

Last night Jacob had a bit of a meltdown.  I guess that's what I'd call it.  I mean, it wasn't the typical yelling, crying, flailing meltdown you'd imagine, but more of one where he was figuratively sort of melty--like deflated.  Why?  He was asking for a dog.

He's wanted a dog for a while, preferably a husky or a German shepherd, but I think it probably intensified this week because a friend of his just got a husky puppy.  Now it seems he has determined that a dog will solve all of his problems.  He's admittedly lonely, and I don't disagree that a dog might be good for him.  A dog would probably give him the companionship he doesn't get from his brother, who would prefer to do less active things during his free time; or from our neighborhood, which is devoid of kids his age.  A dog would probably match his energy, love to be outside with him no matter the weather, and probably have the magic touch to calm him down when he's having a moment.  I wouldn't doubt he'd be a great candidate for an emotional support animal, which is sort of a step down from a service dog.  As much as I have never considered a dog, watching him last night as he wallowed in sadness over this struck me as much different than most of his "I wants", and I honestly wish like crazy that we could make it work.  But we can't.

Dogs are so much work.  With parents that work full time (and beyond), and kids in school all day, that dog would be miserable.  Add in weekends where we travel, either to Buffalo to be with family or on Jacob's many lacrosse trips, and it's clear we just don't have the best lifestyle for a dog.  Jacob insists (like every other kid ever) that he would take care of it.  He'd walk it and take it out (although he hesitated a bit as we talked about actually picking up the poop--we'd have to work through that), and even though he can't remember to take his own medicine or brush his teeth or take a shower, apparently he'd remember to feed the dog and everything else.  Now, of all of the possible household tasks that we could possibly assign to him, I almost think this might be something he'd actually do.  At least in the beginning.  Which of course, is where that other problem comes in.  I do not want to be the one responsible for the dog.  I have two kids and a husband that I can barely keep in line when it comes to keeping the house decent and keeping everyone fed and functional.  The last thing we need is a dog added to the mix.  Our house is chaotic enough.  I don't want to have to add  "take the dog out" to my to-do list, whether it's first thing in the morning, at bedtime, or when I'm out all day running errands.

Not to mention that we have a house full of off-white carpeting, and I hate the vacuum enough that I can't imagine having to do it more than I do to pick up dog hair.  I know there are varieties that don't shed, but I feel like we have so many other qualities we'd be looking for in a dog that works for us, that somehow that trait might fall down the list if we all spontaneously fell in love with one.  I don't like cleaning up after the bodily fluids of my own kids, let alone a dog, and I don't want to spend a ton of money on carpet cleaning each year....or, worse, redo the house in something easier to clean.  Keep in mind that I also can't smell, so deciphering when the dog had an accident or needs a bath or is otherwise making a stink, will be impossible for me.  That is somewhat scary to me, too.

Speaking of expenses, there's the upfront cost of the dog (cheaper with a rescue, but still), the food, the supplies, the vet bills, and inevitably some sort of kennel stay when we go on vacation.  We don't have backup family around to care for a dog, so we'd be stuck.  We're fine financially--I mean, we're nowhere near the brink of financial collapse, but we still have to be careful with our money.  With Jacob desperate to go to private school starting in two years, we'd have one year of relief next year before the money we'll soon save on daycare would shift to that--and five years down the road we'd be looking at doubling that for a couple years.  So, needless to say, we have to plan ahead a bit, and the unknowns of a dog are a little intimidating.

Making the vet bills more likely is that we have a house FULL of little toys everywhere.  Legos, Playmobil, Imaginext, army guys, superheroes...in two bedrooms, the living room, and the basement.  There's too many to condense in one spot, and I honestly don't want my kids' creativity stifled by having to clean up every night, or by their fear of destruction preventing them from playing at all.  As we've seen at my in-laws, little toys are a magnet for doggy teeth, and I know my kids would freak out (and it would annoy me, too) if their stuff was routinely getting destroyed--and worse, if it's making the dog sick in the process.  Logistically, it's just a mess.

The hard part is that there's really no "tryout".  With most things, you give it a shot and if it doesn't work out, you stop.  But with a dog there's a lot of heartbreak involved--for us and the dog.  I've seen enough pictures of sad, abandoned dogs in shelters floating around Facebook to know how awful it would be if it didn't work out.  I can absolutely see us giving it a shot, and Jacob not being as diligent as he insists he'd be, and then denying the fact it's not working for us.  He'd hate us even more if we had to take the dog back, even if it was clearly disrupting our already disrupted house.  He wouldn't be able to see it, just like he can't see his impact on our day-to-day life now.  I wish you could rent a dog, or there were therapy dogs to visit, or something where he could volunteer his time.  I mean, sure, we might be able to do something at a shelter, but I don't know if they accept kids his age.  And if we did that, I'm sure the begging could get worse if he found one he liked.  There's also the danger thing--that some rescues have gone through hell and can lash out, and I'm just not prepared to deal with stuff like that.

This all is vaguely reminiscent of how I have long felt about a third kid--my heart thinks it would be awesome, but my brain knows it can't happen.  If circumstances were different, it would absolutely be something to consider.  But in both cases, there are so many real, unavoidable issues that we simply can't work around.  The idea that a dog could calm Jacob down and positively impact his behavior makes it so tempting, because at this point we'd probably try almost anything, but the other impacts would be significant and I'm not convinced we'd end up any further ahead overall as a family.  The whole thing breaks my heart.  When he said out loud that he's lonely, or said that he's never going to be happy in our house, those things gut you as a parent.  Clearly there are a few levels of unhappiness going on here and a dog probably isn't the ultimate solution, but that little sliver of hope that it could help is tantalizing.  Maybe someday I'll be brave, but that time just isn't now.

Eight Years

Eight years ago today, we closed on our house.  And eight years tomorrow we moved.

Our awesome old neighbor captured the moment...oh, and that evergreen on the far left is now above the gutter!

That's starting to seem like a really long time, although I know it's really not.  But when you've lived in apartments for one, two, and two years, then a house for about four and a half, eight seems pretty legit.  My parents, on the other hand, have been in theirs for 33 this spring, so there's that.  Even their first one saw a good ten years.

Looking back, I'm glad we ended up where we did.  I mean, there are still times that I wish we would have stuck with our somewhat-sketchy apartment for one more year, because within that year I changed jobs (and salaries) and we probably could have bought a slightly better house that would have lasted a bit longer if we knew our budget would change so quickly.  It probably wouldn't be as nice as the one we have now, but maybe it wouldn't have needed thousands of dollars in new windows and doors like the one we bought did--and of course we got none of that back when we sold it.  It wasn't a bad house.  It was a decent setup, with a good sized kitchen and a big finished basement with the coolest bar ever. 

It may not look like much, but it was a wet bar, with a mirror flanked by shelves and colored uplighting.  There was even a tiny shelf below the mirror that we lined with pucks all the way across.

The rooms were small and the main bathroom was purple, but it had some cool quirks (my favorite retro shelves and cool designs in the ceiling plaster). 

It was such a perfect home for my blue glass collection.  I miss that space.

This was around the dining room light

Living room ceiling

But we were outgrowing it in a lot of ways and it needed work.  The kitchen was so ugly and the attic needed new insulation.  We thought the roof would go soon, too.  Ultimately I didn't really want to have two kids in that house, and when we got to the point where we needed to start planning for kid #2, we decided it was better to spend a little more on a mortgage for an updated house than spend thousands more dollars on renovations for a house that was still too small and probably wouldn't sell for much above what we paid for it anyway, based on the rest of the neighborhood.  And after a frustrating search, we finally found ours.  It was almost a fluke, where the listing showed an outside picture of the house and not much more.  I emailed the listing agent to see if there were more, and through a fuzzy scan of a couple pages of little photos I saw a house that looked promising.  The moment we walked in the front door, I was sold.  And after a scary month with a contingency offer in place and one lost buyer, we finally found one that stuck.  We made absolutely nothing on the deal--and lost when you consider what we put into it--but we were thankful to be able to move on to greener pastures.

I drive by that house periodically--in fact, I did it today on the way to daycare from Carter's blood work (oh dear--more later) because the back roads were quicker.  Not much has changed outside, though they did add a pool and make use of the flower boxes.  They also decorate for Christmas, so that's nice.  I am seriously curious about what they've done inside, but all I know is that there's currently a piece of the old kitchen countertop (which needed replacing when we were there!) sitting out on the side of the house.  I can tell what it was because of the sink cutout and the angle for how it fit into the corner.  So at least that's been done.  Hopefully they've painted the cabinets and put in a dishwasher, too, for their own sanity.  Oh, and did I mention they appear to have THREE kids in that house?  A couple times I've driven by they've all been outside playing.  One was around Jacob's age when they moved in, but now there are two more, with the youngest probably around two.  How they all cram in there is beyond me!  Maybe someday they'll officially outgrow it and then I'll be able to see the updates in the real estate listing!  But I guess it's good for them that they found a home that has worked this long for them, too.

It was bittersweet eight years ago tonight as we did the almost-last round of packing and systematically took apart the home we'd built for more than four years.  It was the first place we could really make our own and was more than just cobbled together.  We were proud of the projects we did there, and it was the first house we brought our baby home to.  It was hard to leave behind those memories.  Until, that is, we remembered where we were going.  I literally felt like I needed to pinch myself every time I realized this house was ours.  Everything was prettier and newer and more spacious.  It was the unique floorplan I wanted, and it checked off so many boxes I only dreamed of at the old house.  It felt perfect...and many days it still does.

But not all days.  Some days it feels too small or too old, at least in spots.  Carter's room, the upstairs bathroom, and the kitchen all feel a little tight.  The office isn't getting used the way we thought, though I appreciate the extra space.  The yard is overwhelming most of the time, the kitchen and bathroom could use some sprucing up, and two young boys have left their share of nicks and scrapes around the house.  We really just need a hardcore handyman to come in here and fix up a little of everything.  Oh, and we could also stand to get rid of a lot of stuff!  Despite all that, I still feel like if we could build our own house somewhere else, I'd like to take about 80% of this house and just change up the floor plan a bit to expand a few rooms.  I like how most of it functions for us, and for now the downsides still aren't enough to make me want to do the moving process again!

Eight years.  It's definitely our home and will always hold a special place in our heart whenever we do choose to move along.  But for now we'll just focus on making memories here and try to remember how amazing it felt the day we moved in.