Oh, Jacob...why? Why, why, why? For a change it's not him asking that question...it's me. Specifically, why does he make it his mission to make things so stinkin' hard? I know that five year olds have their moments...in particular because all of the t-ball moms were commiserating the other night. But I'm pretty solidly convinced now that Jacob's issues go far beyond the norm. I'm not entirely sure what to do about it, but one step may be to get him evaluated by the school district, and the other may be to find a good family therapist. I know that sounds drastic, but we're getting desperate. He defies us with everything--getting dressed, leaving the house, eating dinner, cleaning up, getting ready for bed, staying in bed, you name it. We've tried stern voices, we've tried staying calm, we've tried yelling, forcing, spanking, whatever. We've taken away everything. Nothing helps. We need someone neutral but in authority to remind him that he needs to listen to his parents, and also give us some tips to deal with his defiance. I just can't even begin to explain how frustrating it is to have the same argument for 20 minutes every morning about clothes, particularly when he insists that he doesn't like clothes that he wore a week ago...and is slowly but surely eliminating his entire wardrobe from consideration. To have to battle over everything is so hard. It takes forever, it raises my blood pressure, and it makes eveything so much harder than it has to be. And the saddest part (per the title of this post)? We're all missing out on so much.
Jacob's behavior has gotten to the point where it's directly impacting the activities we choose to do. Whether it's simply that we take away a fun activity as a punishment, or choose not to do something for fear of the repercussions, we've definitely begun to pick and choose a bit more. Just this past weekend we had considered going to the drive-in. Craig and I used to go once or twice a summer, even when Jacob was little, but the late nights are tough on all of us, and we've stayed away the last couple years. But we were tempted to try again this summer, and this weekend in particular when Craig was home, but in the end we didn't because we just didn't want to deal with whatever ridiculousness Jacob would inevitably throw at us. Whether it would be from sleep deprivation from a late night, or not wanting to stay in his seat, or waking up Carter...we just couldn't go there. We've definitely skipped activities like going out for ice cream as a result of his behavior. I was *thisclose* to telling Lori to forget it when we scheduled a shopping trip for Jacob to spend the birthday money she gave him because he'd been so bad that he didn't deserve new toys. I relented only because I wanted to get it over with before it got lost in the shuffle and because it gave us a couple other things to take away if he misbehaved. But there are so many things--possible roadtrips with Craig, in particular--that he's missing out on because he is simply unable to behave or follow directions at the most inopportune times.
I marvel every day at how he doesn't make the connection that his defiance costs him valuable playtime. He complains a lot that he doesn't have a lot of time to play. And he's right. Between getting out of the house in the morning, spending the day at day care, coming home, eating dinner, and going to bed, there's not a lot of time. He usually has some time in the evenings, but we've had baseball two nights per week for the last six weeks or so, and between wanting to practice baseball and play inside with his toys, it's a tough balance. But he'd have so much more time to play if he didn't battle us on everything. He'd probably pick up a good 20 minutes in the morning, a good 10 minutes at dinner time, 15 minutes at playtime (usually because he's obsessing over what he's going to wear outside), and possibly as much as a half hour at bedtime, since we probably wouldn't have to send him to bed as early if he just went to sleep at bedtime instead of coming out half a dozen times about ridiculous little issues. Bedtime has been a little better since we got rid of the nap, but he has a hard time staying awake around dinner time these days, which presents problems of its own. But if he'd just stop battling us and do what we say when we say, I bet he'd pick up at least an hour of playtime each day.
I feel a little bad for Carter right now, as he's sort of getting gypped on having a good big brother. Jacob still mostly ignores him, at least when we're at home. I'm sure there's some jealousy there, but at least he takes it out on us and not his little brother. But where most people have adorable pictures of the older siblings holding and feeding the baby, we have only a couple awkward shots of them in the same picture. Even though Carter smiles and laughs now (and stares intently at his big brother whenever they're in a room together--and he was seriously laughing just at the sight of Jacob the other day), Jacob hasn't gotten into attempting to entertain him. I still maintain that he'll get into it eventually, particularly when Carter can learn how to play sports, but I sort of thought it would be better already, so I'm starting to get nervous. Interestingly, Jacob does go visit Carter's room at day care, and lately he's been venturing down there when I drop Carter off. He's also begun answering "no" (instead of the "yes" he gave for months) when people ask him if they can take his brother home with them, so there's at least something there. I'm just not sure what it is--whether he really doesn't care or he's just playing it cool. But in the meantime, we're all missing out on some great sibling interaction. And on top of it, I am petrified that Carter will start picking up the bad stuff when he watches Jacob's antics, and I can't bear the thought of my sweet, easy-going, angel baby going down this same road. One is enough.
Dealing with this stuff has made even the practical side of being a parent (let alone the emotional side) extremely difficult. I'm hesitant to push him to try on his new school clothes, to learn how to spell his last name, to learn to tie his shoes, or to make sure his "J" is hooking the right way. I know those things are important, yet no matter how normally and civilly those types of activities start, somehow I will get anger, resistance, or an argument. I don't want him to rebel further, but I also want to actively help him learn, particularly as we head toward Kindergarten.
I see people post pictures online of the cool things they get to do with their kids. Their kids are smiling, no less, and they usually include some sort of status about how awesome it was to do that with their kid. Jacob doesn't smile for pictures very much anymore, let alone stand still and pose for them. Once in a while if it has to do with something he's totally into (like baseball, for example), I might have a shot. But it's rare. And most of the time anything we do is not going to leave us with a warm-fuzzy, happy-to-be-his-parent sort of feeling. And it makes me sad because I feel like we're missing out on actually enjoying parenthood. I'll be honest--having Carter has sort of "saved" parenthood for me at the moment because I know how it feels to enjoy it again and feel like it's worth the time and effort. Most of the time with Jacob it's just drudgery. I hate to say that, but when you're arguing about every little thing, something as simple as putting your kid to bed can be exhausting. But Carter has reminded me of the good side, and I'm trying to take the spark from that and use it to deal a little more patiently with Jacob. But eventually it wears thin.
I'm just sad that Jacob's defiance has caused so many issues. I know parenthood isn't supposed to be easy, but we've definitely had our fair share of difficulties. I just want to be able to enjoy this phase, which is supposed to be a fun one--after the needy phase but before the big-kid problems really get going. We're supposed to treat our big boy like the big boy he can be, but for now we're lucky if we can get through without an argument. And it's making our time with Jacob so much less than it should be.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Solid Food!
Now that Carter is six months, it's time to move along to the next big thing--solid foods! I've been wondering if he wasn't ready for a while now, since he didn't want to drink as much milk in the mornings and he'd been eyeing up our food more recently. We've had him sitting in a high chair with us at dinner for a while now since he didn't like being left alone while we ate. I've been giving him a spoon, sippy cup, or pacifier to chew on while we sat there, and for the most part he's enjoyed it.
Yesterday I put him in the chair, put up the tray, got out one of the washable bibs (those will be a godsend for the early feeding days this time around), and mixed up some whole grain brown rice cereal with some formula. This was the result...
He was a little sleepy at the time, I think, so he didn't last too long, but he seemed to like it for a while despite his faces. Here he is at the end with a couple classic looks. He was making noise while he made these faces, which is probably why they look so funny...
Yesterday I put him in the chair, put up the tray, got out one of the washable bibs (those will be a godsend for the early feeding days this time around), and mixed up some whole grain brown rice cereal with some formula. This was the result...
He was a little sleepy at the time, I think, so he didn't last too long, but he seemed to like it for a while despite his faces. Here he is at the end with a couple classic looks. He was making noise while he made these faces, which is probably why they look so funny...
I gave him another round of it, a little thicker, when we ate dinner out, and he finished all of that up! So, all things considered it was a good start. Today he seemed a little less eager to open his mouth, but he still ate everything. I'll give it a few days, I guess, then start some veggies. We'll see how he does. Maybe we'll finally have one good eater around here!
Interestingly, I have absolutely no recollection of how we did much of anything last time around. I remember bits and pieces, but I don't know when or how I introduced things. I'll have to look back in the blog and just take things one food at a time. Jacob didn't like solids for a long time--which could have had something to do with him being sick right around that time and maybe early teething--but maybe Carter will be different. He's still such an insanely happy baby, though I'm pretty sure my experiment involving sensitive formula (instead of what he uses now) failed miserably and was what caused him to be extra cranky for a couple days. Bummer. This better go away before it's time for regular milk!
But for now we've had a good start. We also have a new high chair to test out. Our kitchen here is a little smaller than our eating area at our old house, and our old high chair is a little too big for the area. I used a couple discounts to buy a space-saver high chair that just straps to our regular chairs. I should be able to position him better and not make us feel so crunched in the corner. Seems crazy, but I think it will be worth it. More updates to come!
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Week in Review...in Photos
Sorry my posts have been limited lately. I've been trying to get things done in the evenings, and half the time I've been falling asleep anyway. Life is just exhausting right now, I guess. We've had a busy week in general. Evenings were crazy all week long.
Speaking of tired...check out these pictures of my sleepy boys...
Now for a few other pics from the week...
We only have one game left, plus his picnic next weekend. It's been fun, but I will gladly take two weeknights back, even if it means I actually have to cook.
On Wednesday my office did our annual summer outing. It was fun to be out for the day. We went to lunch along the river downtown, then took a boat ride up the Genesee River to the Erie Canal. It was a cool ride and it was fun to see things from that angle. I've driven by so many places along the route before, but never seen it all from that vantage point. The pictures I took of the city were all postcard-worthy. It was a cool, breezy day, but once the sun came out it was perfect.
After I got home, we all took off for Batavia to see a Muckdogs game on mascot night. The Knighthawks mascot, R. Thunder, was there. We met up with Craig's brother's family, and the kids had a blast with the mascots...
It was a busy week, with more busyness today. I'll have an update on that soon, hopefully tomorrow. One big milestone to report, if nothing else!
Speaking of tired...check out these pictures of my sleepy boys...
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| Carter actually fell asleep with the rattle like that. |
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| The boys fell asleep like this last weekend. Jacob jumped up on the couch and sat there, and shortly thereafter he was asleep. I don't know how either of them were comfortable enough to sleep, but they did. |
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| This one is of Carter at Jacob's baseball game. Note that his fingers are intertwined with the rattle again. Silly kid. |
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| Jacob on the bench waiting for his turn to hit. |
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| Playing out in the field with Daddy coaching nearby... |
On Wednesday my office did our annual summer outing. It was fun to be out for the day. We went to lunch along the river downtown, then took a boat ride up the Genesee River to the Erie Canal. It was a cool ride and it was fun to see things from that angle. I've driven by so many places along the route before, but never seen it all from that vantage point. The pictures I took of the city were all postcard-worthy. It was a cool, breezy day, but once the sun came out it was perfect.
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| The city in all its glory... |
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| Jacob, Luke and Grant with Spikes, R. Thunder, and Finnley |
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| The three boys sticking their heads in the shark's mouth |
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| The game at dusk...I just liked how this one turned out. |
On Friday my boss kidnapped our group and took us to lunch in Geneva, which is right on Seneca Lake (one of the Finger Lakes). The town was so cute, and with a little more time I'd probably have snapped a ton of pictures. However, I only managed to grab this shot, which I love. We ate at a little café that's British-themed. Their specialty is tea, but their food was fantastic. I had two mini quiches and three fantastic little pastries. But I loved the funky flowers on the tables, and I captured this one perfectly...
It was a busy week, with more busyness today. I'll have an update on that soon, hopefully tomorrow. One big milestone to report, if nothing else!
Friday, August 16, 2013
Six Months!
Six months brings solid foods, sunscreen, and stroller walks with the big kids at daycare. Crawling and teeth are right around the corner, and maybe even a word or two. Everybody loves his smiles and marvels at how happy he is. He seems to be getting a little fussier and a little squirmier at times, so I can tell he's getting older and more aware of his surroundings, but I am soaking up every minute of this phase. I love having a baby that's so happy to see me, who doesn't move much or talk back, and who can still be a sweet, cuddly kid. Seeing Jacob as a very difficult big boy has made me so appreciative of this phase, even though I'd love to get real hugs, hear real words, and see him learn and experience a million new things. I will gladly wait a bit if it means enjoying this sweet baby boy minus the normal pitfalls of parenthood.
He loves his toes, chews everything, and likes to sleep on his side. He can roll to his belly and lift his head, but while he has rolled back before, it is still a challenge and he can get cranky and stuck...unlike his big brother who loved to sleep on his belly at this age. He's working hard on sitting up and can lean on a toy for a bit before toppling over. The jumperoo is his favorite, and he bounces like a mad man.
Seeing his smile every morning is the highlight of my day. His giggle is infectious. His chubby thighs and cheeks are amazing, and his darker features still boggle my mind every day. He is so happy, so handsome, and the best sleeper I could ask for. He loves to be lifted high over my head and loves to be standing.
I know that harder times will come, but for now I feel so blessed to be his mommy. These first six months have been amazing, and I can only pray that the next six months and beyond are equally awesome.
Monday, August 12, 2013
How Time Flies...
I can hardly believe that in just a few days, Carter will be six months old. Halfway to a year. How has half a year passed by since he surprised us three weeks early? How have we had parts of three different seasons since his arrival? How has he already outgrown two full sizes of clothes, and most of a third? How is my tiny, scrawny little boy now a little chunk (in his legs and face, anyway) who's learning how to sit up on his own? And how on earth are we starting solid foods in just a few days?
I've spent most of the last five years looking at pictures of Jacob and marveling at how he's grown and changed. Even though the changes have been very subtle as they've happened, the end result is not. It is quite clear how fast he's growing and how much he's changed. The fact that we have this full-blown little boy who's starting Kindergarten in less than a month is nothing short of mind-blowing. And having gone through this experience with one kid, I think it has taught me to be extra aware of it this time around. So while I may have realized how fast Jacob was growing, I don't think I truly understood how crazy the changes become the older they get.
The changes from year to year can be subtle. The first year of a baby's life might be the exception to that, since the changes are quite obvious, but beyond that it's sometimes hard to tell when and how things changed. You can tell something is different, but as you look through a year's worth of photos, you can't tell when, exactly, the changes happened. Even in Carter's monthly shots, I can tell there are differences, but it's hard to pinpoint what they actually are. Is his face fuller? Does he have more hair? Is he just bigger? More aware? More smiley? So even though you know they're changing every day, it's impossible to see it until you look back at old pictures and realize how far things have come...even if you can't quite tell what those "things" actually are.
There are moments where there is a major disconnect between the kid in the tiny baby picture and the kid sitting in front of me. I know it's the same kid, but it's so hard to believe. It doesn't matter if it's Jacob or Carter...I am equally befuddled with each. Even Carter's looks have already changed so much, and each new bit of personality makes those early days nothing but a hazy memory. I almost can't remember him before that smile became our norm and all of his body hair finally disappeared. I mean, I do, but it's so hard to picture how tiny he really was when he's such a big boy now. And yet, he's so tiny compared to the real big boy in the next room, so it's a vivid reminder that this is just the beginning!
I've decided there's a definite disconnect between newborn-hood and where we are now in the sweet spot (happy but immobile, not yet into the tough stuff like solid food or discipline). There is a haze that descends over you when you have a baby, and it only lifts months down the road. Perhaps it's sleep deprivation, and I think that's part of it, but I also think that throwing all of your energy into the care of a baby gives you some sort of tunnel vision where you can only focus on what's immediately in front of you. So much of the context fades away and the details become fuzzy because you have to focus so much on what needs to happen right now. The past, which was already so limited from this "tunnel vision", becomes even foggier as you focus on each new present. I felt like I was fighting the haze pretty good this time, but no...that newborn phase seems so far away now and I can barely process how far we've come.
A week or so ago I looked at his newborn clothes. They're so tiny! He's rapidly approaching three times the weight he was when we brought him home (still a little bit to go, but we're far past double his birth weight!). He's mostly out of 3-6 month clothes now, although his waist is so tiny that most pants still fit him in the waist. His chicken legs have been replaced by strong, meaty thighs, and the non-existent, skin-on-bone butt that I literally laughed out loud at during his first diaper change is now the cutest little squishy tushy. His face is full and everyone says how chubby he is...but in reality, it's just his face and the rest of him is very long and skinny. Long story short, I know how much bigger he is...it's obvious. But when I look back at tiny baby pictures, I can barely wrap my head around how tiny he was and how much he's changed in these almost six months.
Jacob is a whole other story, obviously. His baby pictures barely seem possible. I can hardly believe that baby and the little boy we know, love, and scream at now is the same human being. His behavior is disappointing, obviously, and knowing that I may someday face the same issue with the sweet, happy baby I cuddle these days just breaks my heart. As it would have broken my heart to know that future five years ago. All through the years, though, I see so many sweet faces. And I know that we had plenty of non-sweet faced moments at the time those shots were taken, so it's not like it was some magical, utopian time, but sometimes it's nice to pretend it was. At least I could get pictures of him smiling and being sweet. Nowadays that's a serious challenge. And here I thought it would get easier to do as he got older. I may be able to get a smile for a posed picture, but more likely I'll get a grumpy face, especially if he knows I'm floating around with the camera waiting for a good candid shot.
I don't know if I've really communicated effectively what my brain marvels at every day, but for some visual support, check out these pictures...
I've spent most of the last five years looking at pictures of Jacob and marveling at how he's grown and changed. Even though the changes have been very subtle as they've happened, the end result is not. It is quite clear how fast he's growing and how much he's changed. The fact that we have this full-blown little boy who's starting Kindergarten in less than a month is nothing short of mind-blowing. And having gone through this experience with one kid, I think it has taught me to be extra aware of it this time around. So while I may have realized how fast Jacob was growing, I don't think I truly understood how crazy the changes become the older they get.
The changes from year to year can be subtle. The first year of a baby's life might be the exception to that, since the changes are quite obvious, but beyond that it's sometimes hard to tell when and how things changed. You can tell something is different, but as you look through a year's worth of photos, you can't tell when, exactly, the changes happened. Even in Carter's monthly shots, I can tell there are differences, but it's hard to pinpoint what they actually are. Is his face fuller? Does he have more hair? Is he just bigger? More aware? More smiley? So even though you know they're changing every day, it's impossible to see it until you look back at old pictures and realize how far things have come...even if you can't quite tell what those "things" actually are.
There are moments where there is a major disconnect between the kid in the tiny baby picture and the kid sitting in front of me. I know it's the same kid, but it's so hard to believe. It doesn't matter if it's Jacob or Carter...I am equally befuddled with each. Even Carter's looks have already changed so much, and each new bit of personality makes those early days nothing but a hazy memory. I almost can't remember him before that smile became our norm and all of his body hair finally disappeared. I mean, I do, but it's so hard to picture how tiny he really was when he's such a big boy now. And yet, he's so tiny compared to the real big boy in the next room, so it's a vivid reminder that this is just the beginning!
I've decided there's a definite disconnect between newborn-hood and where we are now in the sweet spot (happy but immobile, not yet into the tough stuff like solid food or discipline). There is a haze that descends over you when you have a baby, and it only lifts months down the road. Perhaps it's sleep deprivation, and I think that's part of it, but I also think that throwing all of your energy into the care of a baby gives you some sort of tunnel vision where you can only focus on what's immediately in front of you. So much of the context fades away and the details become fuzzy because you have to focus so much on what needs to happen right now. The past, which was already so limited from this "tunnel vision", becomes even foggier as you focus on each new present. I felt like I was fighting the haze pretty good this time, but no...that newborn phase seems so far away now and I can barely process how far we've come.
A week or so ago I looked at his newborn clothes. They're so tiny! He's rapidly approaching three times the weight he was when we brought him home (still a little bit to go, but we're far past double his birth weight!). He's mostly out of 3-6 month clothes now, although his waist is so tiny that most pants still fit him in the waist. His chicken legs have been replaced by strong, meaty thighs, and the non-existent, skin-on-bone butt that I literally laughed out loud at during his first diaper change is now the cutest little squishy tushy. His face is full and everyone says how chubby he is...but in reality, it's just his face and the rest of him is very long and skinny. Long story short, I know how much bigger he is...it's obvious. But when I look back at tiny baby pictures, I can barely wrap my head around how tiny he was and how much he's changed in these almost six months.
Jacob is a whole other story, obviously. His baby pictures barely seem possible. I can hardly believe that baby and the little boy we know, love, and scream at now is the same human being. His behavior is disappointing, obviously, and knowing that I may someday face the same issue with the sweet, happy baby I cuddle these days just breaks my heart. As it would have broken my heart to know that future five years ago. All through the years, though, I see so many sweet faces. And I know that we had plenty of non-sweet faced moments at the time those shots were taken, so it's not like it was some magical, utopian time, but sometimes it's nice to pretend it was. At least I could get pictures of him smiling and being sweet. Nowadays that's a serious challenge. And here I thought it would get easier to do as he got older. I may be able to get a smile for a posed picture, but more likely I'll get a grumpy face, especially if he knows I'm floating around with the camera waiting for a good candid shot.
I don't know if I've really communicated effectively what my brain marvels at every day, but for some visual support, check out these pictures...
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| Carter wasn't even 18 hours old here. Even here I can barely picture how impossibly tiny he was. But oh, those long fingers and funny frog legs! |
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| He was six days old here, in my feeble attempt to do something resembling the cool professional shots I couldn't stomach paying for. Look at those giant feet, the chicken legs, and the extra skin wrinkled up on his arm! That onesie was a 0-3 month size and it was huge. He outgrew it rather quickly, though, considering how big it was here! I'll laugh someday when I pull out that basket for something else! |
And now fast-forward almost six months...
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| This happy kid LOVES to jump and can't help but smile when he's the center of attention. He simply radiates joy when there's a smile on his face, which is quite often if someone is paying attention to him. I laugh because eventually he'll stop jumping in the Jumperoo, but the second you look at him, he smiles and starts happily jumping away. I secretly fear he won't be a good independent player like Jacob can be, but for now I'll just take it as a compliment that he enjoys my presence that much. |
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| I took this picture over the weekend at my family reunion. Jacob and I had a lot of fun playing badminton, of all things, but two pictures like this one were the only shots I took all day. Carter just looked so cute and grown up in this chair, in his cute plaid shorts and his tiny little sneakers. It was his first day in shoes :) Such a big boy! |
I just can't get over the changes in six months, and can't believe in six more months I'll have another birthday cake to stress over! ;-) But I love this phase right now so I'm pretty content to just sort of hang out here for a while!
Monday, August 5, 2013
Weekend Update
Craig was home this weekend, and we had nowhere to go. I can't even tell you how rare that is, and as normal as it feels to have a weekend like that, it feels so strange when it actually happens. Once we get past the next few weeks, we'll have a lot more of those until November or so, but then it's back to the solo parenting weekends. I don't mind them, but there's a lot we don't get to do as a family without that free time, and a lot I don't get to tackle when I'm home alone. And because those weekends are so rare, when we do finally have them, inevitably we do a lot of resting up. We did have activities planned, but there was plenty of downtime, which was much needed.
We all slept in a bit on Saturday, and I got up with Carter around 8, I think. After we all ate some breakfast, I popped him in the swing, site of many of his marathon naps, so I could shower and go out to do some yard work. Without Jacob's afternoon naps and with a baby to take care of, our yard has definitely taken a bit of a beating. Craig has done his best to keep up with mowing and trimming this summer, which has been great (after all, the boys use the yard a lot for baseball now), but the flower beds and bushes have definitely gotten overgrown. I spent a good two hours out in the beautiful weather doing a little of everything--ripping out giant weeds, pulling smaller weeds, hacking away at some bushes, cutting down little baby trees, etc. It was exhausting work, but I made a good dent. I could use a couple more hours to do some weed killing and thin out some of the greenery in the way back of our yard, but it was a good start, at least. I filled a couple large bags with stuff, and things look a lot better.
While I was out there, I found out that our elderly neighbor had passed away. He was about 90, and up until pancreatic cancer took him down he had been quite lively and active around his yard. He was always very sweet to Jacob (though he called him David and I didn't have the heart to correct him). He has a large garden and it was always fun to see him tooling around the neighborhood in his golf cart. His wife has been in a nursing home for nearly two years with Alzheimer's. I will be sad to see the house get sold to someone else, but as Jacob said, "Maybe they will have kids!" I did check out his garden while I was out in the yard and picked a number of overgrown cucumbers. There were also a couple dozen butternut squashes ripe for the picking, but I left them alone since I'm not entirely sure what the ideal size is for those. I left what I picked on his patio table and hoped his family would find some use for them. He actually gave us a couple of them probably a day or two before he died. They were also overgrown, and we have some perfect ones from friends that I still need to use, but I can't bring myself to toss them now.
Jacob and I went in the pool for a bit in the afternoon, but it was awfully chilly. It felt good after being so sweaty from the yard work, but I couldn't get over how cool it was despite it being August and us having left the pool cover on all this time. The refreshment only lasted a little while before I got cold, so we headed back into the house to get ready for that night's Red Wings game. It was Greece Little League night, which meant that Jacob got to go on the field before the game! The showing was pretty poor, though, as there was maybe only a dozen kids or so. Jacob was the only kid from his team there. Still, it was fun to go out there.
We had a fun night overall. The weather was nice, Carter was cooperative, and we headed out in the 8th inning before the kids got too cranky. Of course, we missed a major comeback in the 10th inning and a big win in the 12th, but I would have been cursing the extra innings had we attempted to stick around for the postgame fireworks!
We got up for church the next morning, and then Craig and Jacob shuffled off to a birthday party for one of Jacob's friends. It was at the same place where Jacob's soccer thing had been (remember, the one that ended on Valentine's Day, the night before Carter was born?), and he went prepared for anything--with his soccer stuff and his baseball stuff. Only Jacob. I don't have any pictures, though, because I stayed home with Carter.
Carter and I ended up going out shopping to Kohl's for a few things. I wanted to check on a couple things in general, and I really wanted to go look for some Spanx-type stuff to smooth me out for the dress I bought for my cousin's wedding (among other things). It's official--I just don't get those things. No matter what size I put on, they squeeze me way too much and I end up with bulges in the weirdest spots. I've tried on a few here and there but I'm just not finding what I want. I did find one pair that were a little less constricting, so there weren't any bulges, but I'm also not sure it makes the dress look any better so I'm not convinced I'm keeping it. After feeding Carter and escaping the Intimates section, I ventured over to the kids' clothes. I browsed for Carter, but he's now well stocked for the summer (thanks to some awesome online shopping from Kohl's and The Children's Place) after outgrowing nearly all of Jacob's hand-me-downs (since Jacob was only about three months old when summer ended). I'm also not sure what to buy him for next year since I have all of those hand-me-downs waiting, but I can't remember how much I had for 12 months vs. 18 months. It was way more fun when I knew I needed everything!
Of course, I still need everything for Jacob, so when I wandered across the aisle to the boys section, I hit the jackpot. I got him an orange Nike shirt (might be Dri-Fit...feels like it, anyway), two superhero t-shirts, a pair of reversible Nike sports shorts, a pair of pajama pants with MLB logos, and two double sets of pajamas, one in each of two different sizes, both with long pants and short sleeves. One set is superheroes, and those will fit him for the fall. The other set is Lego Star Wars, and those should fit him either next spring or the following fall. Each double set was less than $12, making them less than $6 per set! The rest of the stuff was cheap as well, though I haven't decided what is going to be a Christmas gift vs. regular clothes. My policy on that, by the way, is that if it's something he needs, like PJs, I just give it to him, but if it's something extra cool (like the pajama pants), then it can be a gift. Oh, and I also got him two of the $5 Curious George books they have right now--one for a Christmas gift, and one as a first day of school gift (because, of course, it's George's first day of school, too).
After all of that, I wandered over to my section to see if I could fill in any holes in my post-pregnancy wardrobe (i.e., something that doesn't cling to my belly). There were racks upon racks of clearance clothes, and among them I managed to find four things--a dress, a 3/4 sleeve navy blue cardigan that will be good for spring/fall layering, a plain fuchsia modal long-sleeved t-shirt ($4), and a cute (and very different for me) orange shirt with a bit of a bohemian vibe. The dress was the big splurge among them at just over $20 (down from $96), but it's super cute in a very flattering style and should translate to winter just fine. All told, I spent $126 (and it might be down to just over $100 if I take back the shaper thing), but it was a total savings of over $300! I know that's super-inflated because nothing ever sells there full price, but that was pretty darn impressive nonetheless, and everything will get solid use. I'm still giddy about the PJs because I cringe every time I see a $15 pair of pajamas in the store.
We grilled up some chicken for dinner and did our best to get the kids in bed early. Jacob had baseball tonight, and I'm currently freaking out about some blisters I ended up with on my hands and feet after my yard work on Saturday. At first I thought they were just from weed pulling, and then I thought maybe some plant did it, even though those parts were covered, but now I'm worried that it might be related to an outbreak of hand foot and mouth disease at daycare. I don't know if I had it as a kid, but even if I did I wonder if it's like chicken pox where you can get it again if it was a light case. The tiny blisters on my hands and feet (about a dozen in all) hurt and definitely look a little like hand food and mouth, but it's hard to tell. I'm worried about passing it along to Carter (even if he'll probably get it eventually anyway--Jacob had it around 18 months), because even though complications are rare, I can't imagine it's good for a 5-1/2 month old to get it. But it may be too late. Carter has been a little cranky and needy the last couple days, but it's hard to tell if he's teething, or if something else is bothering him. We'll know in the next few days, I guess.
Just a couple more things to reward you for getting through this post...
We all slept in a bit on Saturday, and I got up with Carter around 8, I think. After we all ate some breakfast, I popped him in the swing, site of many of his marathon naps, so I could shower and go out to do some yard work. Without Jacob's afternoon naps and with a baby to take care of, our yard has definitely taken a bit of a beating. Craig has done his best to keep up with mowing and trimming this summer, which has been great (after all, the boys use the yard a lot for baseball now), but the flower beds and bushes have definitely gotten overgrown. I spent a good two hours out in the beautiful weather doing a little of everything--ripping out giant weeds, pulling smaller weeds, hacking away at some bushes, cutting down little baby trees, etc. It was exhausting work, but I made a good dent. I could use a couple more hours to do some weed killing and thin out some of the greenery in the way back of our yard, but it was a good start, at least. I filled a couple large bags with stuff, and things look a lot better.
While I was out there, I found out that our elderly neighbor had passed away. He was about 90, and up until pancreatic cancer took him down he had been quite lively and active around his yard. He was always very sweet to Jacob (though he called him David and I didn't have the heart to correct him). He has a large garden and it was always fun to see him tooling around the neighborhood in his golf cart. His wife has been in a nursing home for nearly two years with Alzheimer's. I will be sad to see the house get sold to someone else, but as Jacob said, "Maybe they will have kids!" I did check out his garden while I was out in the yard and picked a number of overgrown cucumbers. There were also a couple dozen butternut squashes ripe for the picking, but I left them alone since I'm not entirely sure what the ideal size is for those. I left what I picked on his patio table and hoped his family would find some use for them. He actually gave us a couple of them probably a day or two before he died. They were also overgrown, and we have some perfect ones from friends that I still need to use, but I can't bring myself to toss them now.
Jacob and I went in the pool for a bit in the afternoon, but it was awfully chilly. It felt good after being so sweaty from the yard work, but I couldn't get over how cool it was despite it being August and us having left the pool cover on all this time. The refreshment only lasted a little while before I got cold, so we headed back into the house to get ready for that night's Red Wings game. It was Greece Little League night, which meant that Jacob got to go on the field before the game! The showing was pretty poor, though, as there was maybe only a dozen kids or so. Jacob was the only kid from his team there. Still, it was fun to go out there.
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| Walking out! |
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| Random pic I secretly took! |
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| Testing his speed...one said 40, but we're pretty sure it was an error. Mid-20s are more his speed! |
We had a fun night overall. The weather was nice, Carter was cooperative, and we headed out in the 8th inning before the kids got too cranky. Of course, we missed a major comeback in the 10th inning and a big win in the 12th, but I would have been cursing the extra innings had we attempted to stick around for the postgame fireworks!
We got up for church the next morning, and then Craig and Jacob shuffled off to a birthday party for one of Jacob's friends. It was at the same place where Jacob's soccer thing had been (remember, the one that ended on Valentine's Day, the night before Carter was born?), and he went prepared for anything--with his soccer stuff and his baseball stuff. Only Jacob. I don't have any pictures, though, because I stayed home with Carter.
Carter and I ended up going out shopping to Kohl's for a few things. I wanted to check on a couple things in general, and I really wanted to go look for some Spanx-type stuff to smooth me out for the dress I bought for my cousin's wedding (among other things). It's official--I just don't get those things. No matter what size I put on, they squeeze me way too much and I end up with bulges in the weirdest spots. I've tried on a few here and there but I'm just not finding what I want. I did find one pair that were a little less constricting, so there weren't any bulges, but I'm also not sure it makes the dress look any better so I'm not convinced I'm keeping it. After feeding Carter and escaping the Intimates section, I ventured over to the kids' clothes. I browsed for Carter, but he's now well stocked for the summer (thanks to some awesome online shopping from Kohl's and The Children's Place) after outgrowing nearly all of Jacob's hand-me-downs (since Jacob was only about three months old when summer ended). I'm also not sure what to buy him for next year since I have all of those hand-me-downs waiting, but I can't remember how much I had for 12 months vs. 18 months. It was way more fun when I knew I needed everything!
Of course, I still need everything for Jacob, so when I wandered across the aisle to the boys section, I hit the jackpot. I got him an orange Nike shirt (might be Dri-Fit...feels like it, anyway), two superhero t-shirts, a pair of reversible Nike sports shorts, a pair of pajama pants with MLB logos, and two double sets of pajamas, one in each of two different sizes, both with long pants and short sleeves. One set is superheroes, and those will fit him for the fall. The other set is Lego Star Wars, and those should fit him either next spring or the following fall. Each double set was less than $12, making them less than $6 per set! The rest of the stuff was cheap as well, though I haven't decided what is going to be a Christmas gift vs. regular clothes. My policy on that, by the way, is that if it's something he needs, like PJs, I just give it to him, but if it's something extra cool (like the pajama pants), then it can be a gift. Oh, and I also got him two of the $5 Curious George books they have right now--one for a Christmas gift, and one as a first day of school gift (because, of course, it's George's first day of school, too).
After all of that, I wandered over to my section to see if I could fill in any holes in my post-pregnancy wardrobe (i.e., something that doesn't cling to my belly). There were racks upon racks of clearance clothes, and among them I managed to find four things--a dress, a 3/4 sleeve navy blue cardigan that will be good for spring/fall layering, a plain fuchsia modal long-sleeved t-shirt ($4), and a cute (and very different for me) orange shirt with a bit of a bohemian vibe. The dress was the big splurge among them at just over $20 (down from $96), but it's super cute in a very flattering style and should translate to winter just fine. All told, I spent $126 (and it might be down to just over $100 if I take back the shaper thing), but it was a total savings of over $300! I know that's super-inflated because nothing ever sells there full price, but that was pretty darn impressive nonetheless, and everything will get solid use. I'm still giddy about the PJs because I cringe every time I see a $15 pair of pajamas in the store.
We grilled up some chicken for dinner and did our best to get the kids in bed early. Jacob had baseball tonight, and I'm currently freaking out about some blisters I ended up with on my hands and feet after my yard work on Saturday. At first I thought they were just from weed pulling, and then I thought maybe some plant did it, even though those parts were covered, but now I'm worried that it might be related to an outbreak of hand foot and mouth disease at daycare. I don't know if I had it as a kid, but even if I did I wonder if it's like chicken pox where you can get it again if it was a light case. The tiny blisters on my hands and feet (about a dozen in all) hurt and definitely look a little like hand food and mouth, but it's hard to tell. I'm worried about passing it along to Carter (even if he'll probably get it eventually anyway--Jacob had it around 18 months), because even though complications are rare, I can't imagine it's good for a 5-1/2 month old to get it. But it may be too late. Carter has been a little cranky and needy the last couple days, but it's hard to tell if he's teething, or if something else is bothering him. We'll know in the next few days, I guess.
Just a couple more things to reward you for getting through this post...
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| Grandma and Grandpa came to see Jacob play last Thursday. He had a good game as usual and earned a game ball! |
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| Look at that sweet face! |
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| Such a smiley boy! |
Friday, August 2, 2013
Jacob-Proof: Parenting Advice that Failed
As a parent, particularly a parent that reads parenting things on the internet, you get a ton of advice and suggestions on how to manage your kids. Every parenting site or blog eventually posts some sort of list of suggestions for dealing with your unruly, difficult child when dealing with fill-in-the-blank parenting challenge. I know that the advice is all supposed to be helpful and much of it is time-tested, but every child is different so there is never a one-size-fits-all solution for every problem. Jacob is a prime example of that. Here are just a few of the suggestions that Jacob has beaten into submission:
1) Give your kid two choices - The advice says that you need to give your kid choices so they feel a sense of control and contribution within a limited framework. If you leave things open-ended, they might be overwhelmed, and if you demand a single option they will want to defy you. So give them two choices and let them pick one. Yeah, Jacob is inevitably unhappy with both choices, asks for another, or tries to create his own. I read somewhere that the constant stream of choices is creating a generation of kids that don't know what it's like to not get your way. At least Jacob might avoid that pitfall!
2) Keep offering foods - They say to keep offering foods as it can take a dozen times trying something to decide you like it. Well...I have served many a dinner countless times, and still end up with a battle each time. And trust me, this isn't about fancy foods that there's a chance he wouldn't like. It's over pretty standard fare that he's eaten before or incorporates elements we know he likes.
3) Give warnings prior to changing activities - They always say that transitions are hard for kids, so give them a warning a couple minutes before changing an activity (i.e., getting ready for bed, having dinner, etc.). I could give Jacob any number of warnings, any number of minutes ahead of time, and he still gets angry when he's involved in a project and it's time to change. This makes bedtime particularly hard.
4) Sleep when the baby sleeps - This is a bit of a throwback, but with Jacob in particular, no matter how hard I tried to sleep when he did, inevitably I'd try napping during his nap that would last about 20 minutes. Only when I decided to spend a nap getting things done around the house did he have a marathon nap. Handy, yes...but sleep was probably far more important at that point!
5) Make a routine - They always say how helpful routines are for kids because it makes them feel secure when they know what's coming. It helps with bedtime, morning, school, etc. Well...let's just say we've done the same routines for YEARS, and yet every morning is met with resistance, every bedtime is absolute drudgery. He may know what's coming, but that doesn't stop him from complaining about it and delaying it every step of the way.
6) Anything potty training related, including "Make sure they feel wetness" - Potty training has been a struggle for us for far too long. As I've mentioned, Jacob is still not night trained, but at this point the doctor is convinced that it's simply a matter of his brain and his bladder catching up to each other. I've mostly made peace with that, though there are times I swear it's out of pure laziness...but I can't prove it so there's no need to belabor it at this point. Regardless...we bought our first potty when he was about 18 months old, just in case. We had sporadic success starting when he was about two, but I don't think I'd consider him fully trained until he was close to 3-1/2. Part of that might not have been within his control, but I know there were many times he just couldn't be bothered to go. Heck, we still have close calls! But we tried a little of everything--rewards, potty charts, wearing undies under plastic pants to make him feel wet--and yet it still took forever to get it all together.
7) Whisper to get their attention - They say that when all of the yelling becomes too much, whisper and it will make your child pay attention. Ha. He'll just continue yelling right over me.
8) Lay out clothes the night before - Per #1 above, choices do not work for this child. Picking out clothes every day is a chore. Some people would say that we should pick out clothes the night before so we can avoid issues in the morning. Well, sure...I guess it doesn't matter when we argue (which we will), but the bigger problem with doing it at night is that we could come to a decision the night before, only to have him wig out the next morning because he changed his mind. No thanks. This happens enough when we travel for a weekend and he decides that what we packed isn't good enough, so I don't need it during the week as well.
9) Involve the big sibling in caring for the baby - Jacob had one brief moment where he seemed interested in Carter...the moment he walked into the hospital room and saw me holding him. And then reality set in and he has kept his distance ever since. He has been getting better, as we at least have moments now where he acknowledges his brother's existence, but for the most part he still keeps his distance. But no matter how much I've tried to get him to grab a diaper or come say hi, he still hasn't gained any interest in anything having to do with Carter. He has mentioned couple times that he wants to help feed him, so we really do need to capitalize on that one of these days when the stars align and the timing works out, but no matter what we've tried so far, nothing has had a lasting impression.
10) Use a stern voice instead of yelling - A couple years ago when Jacob was in the throes of the terrible threes, I had asked the doctor about the possibility that some sort of food or drink (specifically cow's milk, but possibly food dyes or something else) might be contributing to his behavior issues. The doctor, who was extra old-school, poo-pooed the idea completely and basically said all Jacob needed was some good, old-fashioned discipline. "Use a firm voice," he said. Ha. We've used every manner of firm voice, but that doesn't work. Neither does yelling, whispering (see above), spanking, taking away privileges, timeouts, reverse psychology, logic, positive reinforcement, or anything else we've tried. At this point I'm hoping aging will do the trick.
So, yeah, we haven't exactly been able to parent Jacob by the book, but there have been other things that have worked like a charm. Maybe I'll post about those one of these days. If I can think of enough for a reasonable post. The successes tend to be a little harder to recall. But Jacob definitely keeps us on our toes. Carter is, so far, the perfect baby, and I'm sad to think that someday we may have these issues with him as well. He's got a front-row seat for his brother's antics, but I'm hoping he learns that he'd rather not be yelled it, rather than simply deciding that he must follow in his brother's footsteps, despite the consequences. Just don't watch too closely, Carter! As I told Jacob last week, use your powers for good!
1) Give your kid two choices - The advice says that you need to give your kid choices so they feel a sense of control and contribution within a limited framework. If you leave things open-ended, they might be overwhelmed, and if you demand a single option they will want to defy you. So give them two choices and let them pick one. Yeah, Jacob is inevitably unhappy with both choices, asks for another, or tries to create his own. I read somewhere that the constant stream of choices is creating a generation of kids that don't know what it's like to not get your way. At least Jacob might avoid that pitfall!
2) Keep offering foods - They say to keep offering foods as it can take a dozen times trying something to decide you like it. Well...I have served many a dinner countless times, and still end up with a battle each time. And trust me, this isn't about fancy foods that there's a chance he wouldn't like. It's over pretty standard fare that he's eaten before or incorporates elements we know he likes.
3) Give warnings prior to changing activities - They always say that transitions are hard for kids, so give them a warning a couple minutes before changing an activity (i.e., getting ready for bed, having dinner, etc.). I could give Jacob any number of warnings, any number of minutes ahead of time, and he still gets angry when he's involved in a project and it's time to change. This makes bedtime particularly hard.
4) Sleep when the baby sleeps - This is a bit of a throwback, but with Jacob in particular, no matter how hard I tried to sleep when he did, inevitably I'd try napping during his nap that would last about 20 minutes. Only when I decided to spend a nap getting things done around the house did he have a marathon nap. Handy, yes...but sleep was probably far more important at that point!
5) Make a routine - They always say how helpful routines are for kids because it makes them feel secure when they know what's coming. It helps with bedtime, morning, school, etc. Well...let's just say we've done the same routines for YEARS, and yet every morning is met with resistance, every bedtime is absolute drudgery. He may know what's coming, but that doesn't stop him from complaining about it and delaying it every step of the way.
6) Anything potty training related, including "Make sure they feel wetness" - Potty training has been a struggle for us for far too long. As I've mentioned, Jacob is still not night trained, but at this point the doctor is convinced that it's simply a matter of his brain and his bladder catching up to each other. I've mostly made peace with that, though there are times I swear it's out of pure laziness...but I can't prove it so there's no need to belabor it at this point. Regardless...we bought our first potty when he was about 18 months old, just in case. We had sporadic success starting when he was about two, but I don't think I'd consider him fully trained until he was close to 3-1/2. Part of that might not have been within his control, but I know there were many times he just couldn't be bothered to go. Heck, we still have close calls! But we tried a little of everything--rewards, potty charts, wearing undies under plastic pants to make him feel wet--and yet it still took forever to get it all together.
7) Whisper to get their attention - They say that when all of the yelling becomes too much, whisper and it will make your child pay attention. Ha. He'll just continue yelling right over me.
8) Lay out clothes the night before - Per #1 above, choices do not work for this child. Picking out clothes every day is a chore. Some people would say that we should pick out clothes the night before so we can avoid issues in the morning. Well, sure...I guess it doesn't matter when we argue (which we will), but the bigger problem with doing it at night is that we could come to a decision the night before, only to have him wig out the next morning because he changed his mind. No thanks. This happens enough when we travel for a weekend and he decides that what we packed isn't good enough, so I don't need it during the week as well.
9) Involve the big sibling in caring for the baby - Jacob had one brief moment where he seemed interested in Carter...the moment he walked into the hospital room and saw me holding him. And then reality set in and he has kept his distance ever since. He has been getting better, as we at least have moments now where he acknowledges his brother's existence, but for the most part he still keeps his distance. But no matter how much I've tried to get him to grab a diaper or come say hi, he still hasn't gained any interest in anything having to do with Carter. He has mentioned couple times that he wants to help feed him, so we really do need to capitalize on that one of these days when the stars align and the timing works out, but no matter what we've tried so far, nothing has had a lasting impression.
10) Use a stern voice instead of yelling - A couple years ago when Jacob was in the throes of the terrible threes, I had asked the doctor about the possibility that some sort of food or drink (specifically cow's milk, but possibly food dyes or something else) might be contributing to his behavior issues. The doctor, who was extra old-school, poo-pooed the idea completely and basically said all Jacob needed was some good, old-fashioned discipline. "Use a firm voice," he said. Ha. We've used every manner of firm voice, but that doesn't work. Neither does yelling, whispering (see above), spanking, taking away privileges, timeouts, reverse psychology, logic, positive reinforcement, or anything else we've tried. At this point I'm hoping aging will do the trick.
So, yeah, we haven't exactly been able to parent Jacob by the book, but there have been other things that have worked like a charm. Maybe I'll post about those one of these days. If I can think of enough for a reasonable post. The successes tend to be a little harder to recall. But Jacob definitely keeps us on our toes. Carter is, so far, the perfect baby, and I'm sad to think that someday we may have these issues with him as well. He's got a front-row seat for his brother's antics, but I'm hoping he learns that he'd rather not be yelled it, rather than simply deciding that he must follow in his brother's footsteps, despite the consequences. Just don't watch too closely, Carter! As I told Jacob last week, use your powers for good!
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