Three of the four of us are sick. Both kids woke up Friday with sneezing, coughing and congestion, and by Sunday I wasn't much better. Luckily I haven't been too bad, but I have some sinus pressure, congestion, a runny nose, a scratchy throat, and just a nagging blah feeling. My energy level is fine (or as fine as it can be considering how tired I am most of the time), but it's not ideal when you're managing two kids, a job, and a birthday, among other things. Yes, Jacob turns five on Thursday and I pretty much haven't done anything for it. I just sent out the invites for his party tonight, though in my defense the party is still more than two weeks away. Jacob has changed his cake request about 10 times, so we'll need every minute of those two weeks!
I took Jacob in to the doctor for his well visit yesterday. Cold aside, the doctor was happy with what she saw. Even though he put on quite the show for her while we were chatting, she didn't seem too concerned about his behavior. She pretty much just recommended a new technique for managing it, and that was it. Jacob is still not even close to night trained, which is the downside of having a really great, deep sleeper. She said it's normal until they're six, and until then there isn't much we can do except wait for his brain to figure out that it needs to wake him up when he has to pee. Getting him up when we go to bed won't work at this stage, so I guess we just have to keep doing what we've been doing, which is nothing. I also asked about the fact that his poops are huge...like he plugs the toilet about half the time. While they don't seem to hurt him that bad coming out, afterward he always complains that it hurts and feels like he's still got poop in his butt. I thought that might indicate a hemorrhoid, but it may just be all the stretching that's going on in his intestines. Yikes! So, first we try juice, and then we try Miralax. Fun. We finished off the visit with FOUR shots. Ugh. I know how important vaccines are, but four seems excessive. He was so miserable when it happened, and it killed me to have to hold his arms while they did it. He blamed me (as usual) for it and complained about his sore arms. Surprisingly, his tetanus shot didn't bother him at all today, and I know that one drove me nuts when I was pregnant! But overall he's fine. He's right around the 50th percentile across the board, and he's over 43 inches tall and a little over 40 lbs. A growing boy as usual!
As for Carter, he still had a nasty cough even before this latest cold started. It's like a bad deja vu experience because it reminds me of Jacob when he was a newborn and coughed for nine months straight after getting bronchiolitis. In the end they figured out that his reflux was causing his throat to get inflamed, and that's what's being diagnosed this time. So, Carter is now on the same medicine that Jacob was (Reglan), which helped with slow stomach emptying. So hopefully his cough will go away and he'll spit up less. I'm sad that he's on these medications (still on regular reflux meds, too), but hopefully since he's starting them earlier than Jacob, he'll also get better sooner. Poor kid. The coughing pretty much made him throw up twice this past weekend, and that was the last straw . He's still such a happy kid, but the cold and the cough have been so sad to watch.
Hopefully summer will stick around for a while and we'll all be healthy soon. We have too much to do and there is much fun to be had this summer...and no time for sickness! Let's hope this works!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
For My Father...
I know that on Father's Day on my blog about my parenting experiences I should be honoring the guy who made me a mother. And indeed, Craig is a great father. Despite all he does for work--all the hours, all the travel--he still manages to find enough energy to attempt to satisfy Jacob's never-ending desire to play...whether it's heading outside for more baseball, lacrosse, soccer, or basketball, or staying inside and building Legos for hours. He wants nothing more than for his kids to be as happy as possible, and will do whatever he can to make that a reality. He tries so hard to make a good life for all of us, and I truly appreciate all he does.
But this time around I am going to celebrate my own dad. After all, up until Jacob was born he was THE father-figure in my life, for all of my first 30 years. While I'm sure I had my share of "daddy's girl" moments when I was little, I'll be the first to admit we didn't get along particularly well for quite a few years in the middle. Perhaps it was because we're too much alike. While I may not have been a "daddy's girl", I was definitely my father's daughter. We were both hard-headed in our stance on a subject, and neither of us was willing to budge. He was definitely a disciplinarian, and I probably stayed out of trouble much of the time out of fear of his punishment. Perhaps there may have been a better way to handle a kid like me--after all, I was a pretty good kid in general--but I know (now more than ever, with my own stubborn child) he was parenting me the only way he knew how. I remember feeling extra frustrated as a teenager, because when I screwed up I always beat myself up enough and didn't need any further guilt trips. In addition, I always felt that my parents shouldn't complain, because for all the angst I may have caused them, they still probably got off pretty easy. I got good grades, didn't go out very much, and generally stayed out of trouble. Even still, we butted heads all the time during my teenage years. I'm not sure we had much to chat about civilly during that time, though we could manage to bond over a Sabres game here and there. But for the most part, most of my memories of us during that time probably involve some sort of argument. I have no idea what we argued about, aside from clear memories of disagreements over my future career path, but it could have been almost anything.
Years later, I'm sure that so much of that had to do with his concern over my life's direction--he wanted me to be successful and felt (much like his father before him) that discipline was the best way to keep me on the right track. And if he was anything like I am now, I know much of my frustration with Jacob comes out of a place of guilt and concern that I'm somehow to blame for his difficult traits. On top of that, I probably overcompensate with more discipline just to try to fix whatever mess I may have already created. Maybe I'm off-base, but knowing that I'm my father's daughter, I wouldn't be surprised if there was some of that going on.
I don't know when things began to change, but I suppose there were a few things that helped. First, I graduated from college and got a job. It was one less thing for him to worry about when I moved out and could generally support myself. Then I got married, and I suppose I was no longer entirely his responsibility. I had another guy who could make sure I was well cared for.
And then he retired. I know that his job was terribly stressful, and certainly not as financially rewarding as he would have liked. But when he retired, that stress lifted off his shoulders and I swear he became a different person. Suddenly there was a relaxed, jovial side that I'm not sure I had ever seen before.
When we bought a house, an iffy one at that, I'm sure his stress level rose a bit...but he helped us out where he could and it gave us something else to chat about. I don't want to say we were more like equals (can you ever truly say that about your parents?), but perhaps instead of feeling like he had to parent me all the time, we could bond over the shared trials of homeownership instead.
But my true appreciation of my dad came when Jacob was born. Suddenly he turned into a big softie, and a truly fantastic grandpa. He derives so much joy from his grandkids (all four of them now, five years later), and doesn't hesitate to just grab them and play. He's taught Jacob everything he knows about golf, and loves to make Carter laugh. He tried tirelessly to get a hesitant Kate to warm up to him when she was little, and he took great pride in how one-year-old Max absolutely adored him the last time they visited Portland. For all the ways that my dad is very much like his father, my dad has one characteristic I never really saw in my grandpa. While he holds a very special spot in the hearts of all of his grandchildren, my grandfather was never a "get down on the floor and roll around" kind of grandpa. He was always up for good conversation or a bridge game, and you could always see the pride on his face when he watched the younger kids, but by the time he was in his 60s and life (and emphysema) had taken its toll, getting down on the floor to play wasn't really his thing. But my dad is right down there so much of the time, and it's a joy to watch.
Retirement is blissful, the stock market is strong, and grandkids are more a source of joy than stress...so life is good. So good, in fact, that a couple months ago, he came home with this:
He's talked about it for years, but after a lifetime of frugality, he's finally able to enjoy the fruits of his labor, at least partially in the form of a little red convertible. While I still tend to laugh and roll my eyes when I see it, I'm happy it makes him so happy. He deserves it.
Parenthood has obviously given me a lot of insight into the issues we had a couple decades ago, although my truly rough years haven't even begun yet so I can only imagine what other revelations I will have in the next 10-15 years. They say that girls marry a guy like their father. I never in a million years would have thought that I'd fall into that category, and in many ways Craig and my dad couldn't be more different. But one thing they do share--the most important thing--is a sincere desire to do the best they can for their kids. While I may not have understood my dad's efforts in that arena when I was a kid, I certainly can appreciate them now. While I sometimes wish he would have gone about things a little differently, I understand now that he was doing his best and only had my best interests at heart. And now all these years later I have the benefit of seeing his best side come out in grandparenthood. I'm so grateful for my kids' sake, and pray that they will have at least as many years with their grandfather as I had with mine. It'll never be enough, of course, but I hope it's at least long enough for them to know how blessed they are to have him. God knows it took me long enough to fully appreciate that fact myself, but I'm so thankful that I do.
Thanks, Dad (and Grandpa), for all you've done and all you do. We love you! Happy Father's Day!
But this time around I am going to celebrate my own dad. After all, up until Jacob was born he was THE father-figure in my life, for all of my first 30 years. While I'm sure I had my share of "daddy's girl" moments when I was little, I'll be the first to admit we didn't get along particularly well for quite a few years in the middle. Perhaps it was because we're too much alike. While I may not have been a "daddy's girl", I was definitely my father's daughter. We were both hard-headed in our stance on a subject, and neither of us was willing to budge. He was definitely a disciplinarian, and I probably stayed out of trouble much of the time out of fear of his punishment. Perhaps there may have been a better way to handle a kid like me--after all, I was a pretty good kid in general--but I know (now more than ever, with my own stubborn child) he was parenting me the only way he knew how. I remember feeling extra frustrated as a teenager, because when I screwed up I always beat myself up enough and didn't need any further guilt trips. In addition, I always felt that my parents shouldn't complain, because for all the angst I may have caused them, they still probably got off pretty easy. I got good grades, didn't go out very much, and generally stayed out of trouble. Even still, we butted heads all the time during my teenage years. I'm not sure we had much to chat about civilly during that time, though we could manage to bond over a Sabres game here and there. But for the most part, most of my memories of us during that time probably involve some sort of argument. I have no idea what we argued about, aside from clear memories of disagreements over my future career path, but it could have been almost anything.
Years later, I'm sure that so much of that had to do with his concern over my life's direction--he wanted me to be successful and felt (much like his father before him) that discipline was the best way to keep me on the right track. And if he was anything like I am now, I know much of my frustration with Jacob comes out of a place of guilt and concern that I'm somehow to blame for his difficult traits. On top of that, I probably overcompensate with more discipline just to try to fix whatever mess I may have already created. Maybe I'm off-base, but knowing that I'm my father's daughter, I wouldn't be surprised if there was some of that going on.
I don't know when things began to change, but I suppose there were a few things that helped. First, I graduated from college and got a job. It was one less thing for him to worry about when I moved out and could generally support myself. Then I got married, and I suppose I was no longer entirely his responsibility. I had another guy who could make sure I was well cared for.
 |
| About to give me away, literally and figuratively :) |
And then he retired. I know that his job was terribly stressful, and certainly not as financially rewarding as he would have liked. But when he retired, that stress lifted off his shoulders and I swear he became a different person. Suddenly there was a relaxed, jovial side that I'm not sure I had ever seen before.
When we bought a house, an iffy one at that, I'm sure his stress level rose a bit...but he helped us out where he could and it gave us something else to chat about. I don't want to say we were more like equals (can you ever truly say that about your parents?), but perhaps instead of feeling like he had to parent me all the time, we could bond over the shared trials of homeownership instead.
But my true appreciation of my dad came when Jacob was born. Suddenly he turned into a big softie, and a truly fantastic grandpa. He derives so much joy from his grandkids (all four of them now, five years later), and doesn't hesitate to just grab them and play. He's taught Jacob everything he knows about golf, and loves to make Carter laugh. He tried tirelessly to get a hesitant Kate to warm up to him when she was little, and he took great pride in how one-year-old Max absolutely adored him the last time they visited Portland. For all the ways that my dad is very much like his father, my dad has one characteristic I never really saw in my grandpa. While he holds a very special spot in the hearts of all of his grandchildren, my grandfather was never a "get down on the floor and roll around" kind of grandpa. He was always up for good conversation or a bridge game, and you could always see the pride on his face when he watched the younger kids, but by the time he was in his 60s and life (and emphysema) had taken its toll, getting down on the floor to play wasn't really his thing. But my dad is right down there so much of the time, and it's a joy to watch.
Retirement is blissful, the stock market is strong, and grandkids are more a source of joy than stress...so life is good. So good, in fact, that a couple months ago, he came home with this:
He's talked about it for years, but after a lifetime of frugality, he's finally able to enjoy the fruits of his labor, at least partially in the form of a little red convertible. While I still tend to laugh and roll my eyes when I see it, I'm happy it makes him so happy. He deserves it.
Parenthood has obviously given me a lot of insight into the issues we had a couple decades ago, although my truly rough years haven't even begun yet so I can only imagine what other revelations I will have in the next 10-15 years. They say that girls marry a guy like their father. I never in a million years would have thought that I'd fall into that category, and in many ways Craig and my dad couldn't be more different. But one thing they do share--the most important thing--is a sincere desire to do the best they can for their kids. While I may not have understood my dad's efforts in that arena when I was a kid, I certainly can appreciate them now. While I sometimes wish he would have gone about things a little differently, I understand now that he was doing his best and only had my best interests at heart. And now all these years later I have the benefit of seeing his best side come out in grandparenthood. I'm so grateful for my kids' sake, and pray that they will have at least as many years with their grandfather as I had with mine. It'll never be enough, of course, but I hope it's at least long enough for them to know how blessed they are to have him. God knows it took me long enough to fully appreciate that fact myself, but I'm so thankful that I do.
Thanks, Dad (and Grandpa), for all you've done and all you do. We love you! Happy Father's Day!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Four Months!
Hard to believe, but Carter turns four months today! We're a third of the way through his first year, which is crazy to think about! I talked about him in-depth the other day, so I'll keep this short and sweet and get right to the picture...
It actually looks quite similar to last month, though he does look bigger. I just can't tell if it's the angle or that he's just bigger!
Coincidentally, as of today, Carter has actually been in existence for a whole year! We're pretty sure he was conceived on the 15th last year. I went to the fertility doctor on the 14th to make sure there was only one egg hanging out there, got my shot of hormones, and went home with the instructions to do what we needed to do a couple days later. Unfortunately, Craig was leaving the next morning for a roadtrip, so we had to give it a shot ahead of time. Luckily it worked, and voila...baby! Little did we know that exactly one year later we'd be enjoying our four-month-old!
We celebrated today by splitting up, two and two, for the weekend. Craig and Jacob are off to Hamburg, and Carter and I headed to N.T. Today was our niece and nephew's birthday party, and tomorrow is my cousin's bridal shower. With the party today, and since I'll be busy tomorrow, it made sense for Craig to spend the whole weekend with his family. Driving all the way to the party and back (or trying to only do it all with one car) just seemed like a lot for one day, so Carter and I opted to skip the party and just head here. On the way we stopped in Niagara Falls to turn in our Groupon for our membership to the aquarium (which gives us admission to the zoo in Rochester as well--score!), and we stopped there for a bottle...with a pretty nice view!
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| Sea lions! |
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| This one walked right up to where we were standing. I don't know if Carter looked yummy or what! |
Thursday, June 13, 2013
My Cutie Carter
Carter is SUCH a cute kid. He's a different cute than Jacob, I think, but man, he is adorable. And everyone remarks about it. I know you're always supposed to, but people (particularly strangers) can choose to say nothing...yet we get comments everywhere we go.
I'd say that Jacob probably had it easy when he was a baby, simply because of his dimple. The dimple came out with even the slightest smile, and everyone thought it was the cutest thing. I'm sure in many cases they still do, though I wish so many of his smiles weren't of the "I'm doing something I'm not supposed to do" variety. Unfortunately for him, he's lost all trace of his baby looks...he's a bonafide big boy now, and big boys may be handsome, but they tend to resemble ragamuffins most of the time so the cuteness they once had is slightly disguised. Of course, I still think he's wonderfully handsome, but I'm looking at him through always-my-baby goggles, so perhaps I'm biased.
Anyway, now that Carter is smiling so much, you just can't hide the cuteness. I took these pictures a couple weeks ago, and I absolutely love them. They just capture his different looks so well...
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| I just love his face here...the perfect mix of sweet and happy! |
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| There are a few notable things about this picture. First, though the angle may be weird, it does give you an idea of how big his head is compared to the rest of his skinny little body. Jacob always had a relatively small head, so this is a switch. Second, you can really see the roundness in his cheeks that I tried to describe a while back as his distinguishing characteristic, comparable to Jacob's dimple. His cheeks just "pop"! |
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| No smile here, but this picture is just pure sweetness. |
In addition to being cute-looking, he's making cute noises, too! Besides his giggles, sometimes it seems like he's trying to have a full conversation, or at least tell us something. He'll babble on for a while now. His sighs are even cute.
Physically he's making major strides, too. He can hold toys now, though he's still figuring out the cause and effect of being able to shake them and make noise. We've been working a lot on tummy time in the last week or so, and suddenly he's starting to hold his head up much better. He hasn't rolled over yet, but he can roll on his side from his back and looks like he's so close to flipping. Because of that, I'm hesitant to keep swaddling him at night. He's outgrown his swaddle anyway, and I think his recent wakeups in the middle of the night have been because he wrestles himself out of his swaddle and gets cold. So, last night I put him in just a sleeper to make sure he was warm enough. He slept fine, though I swear he startles himself awake a lot more that way--but luckily, if he does, he keeps quiet when he does it.
He's just got these big bright eyes and the cutest expressions. I love his soft hair (which is still pretty thick and dark in the back, but seems to have lightened up a bit on top), though he seems to have finally lost most of the plentiful body hair he was born with. I have no idea where it all went because I only rarely noticed small pieces of stray hair here and there, and there was a lot to lose! It cracks me up to look at early pictures and see so much hair all over this tiny baby! His features are still generally darker than Jacob's, though, and his eyes are changing now but we still can't tell what direction they're going--Craig's green or my dark brown. He's still pretty skinny but his face and thighs are the main source of his chub. Lately my favorite body parts of his are his adorable little feet. They totally crack me up. I have to take a picture one of these days of how he has them sometimes when he's eating.
I know it's probably their job to do this, but the people at daycare just gush over him. They remark almost every day how sweet and cute he is. He is the littlest baby there right now, so I'm sure that helps, but he's already so much bigger than he was when he started there! I can barely believe he's nearly four months old and a third of the way to a year! We have so much crazy stuff coming up, too...solid foods, crawling, teething, talking, walking...wow. I think back to where we were with Jacob at this point, and it boggles my mind a bit that it was already fall and nearly Halloween! For some reason it seems like it was such a long time to get to that point, but this time these four months have absolutely flown. It just gets me excited when I see old pictures of Jacob and think about how he's grown and changed, and I realize we get to do it all over again with Carter. It's amazing.
Anyway, he's such a sweet, adorable baby, and he brings us such joy. I know this time is limited, where he doesn't know how to disobey or manipulate or, well...move, so I'm trying to soak up every moment. I just wish there were more of them!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Kindergarten Orientation
Fresh off graduation last Friday, today Jacob took his first official steps toward Kindergarten. This morning was orientation.
For a while we were considering sending Jacob to the nearby Christian school. I have friends from college who send their kids there (and the husband teaches there), and everything I've seen them post about the school looked great. Tuition was reasonable, though when I did the math to figure out how much we'd be spending for school and afterschool care (along with summer care), I was shocked to realize that we'd hardly be saving any money compared to what we're spending on his daycare now. That was a little surprising and a tough pill to swallow. Still, we were strongly considering it because we've both had experiences in public and private schools, and there is definitely a difference.
Unfortunately, the timing of getting Jacob registered for school sort of fell in the middle of the worst part of my pregnancy, so I wasn't quite as proactive about everything as I probably should have been. Our district stinks, apparently, because they don't do an audit of students to know where potential kindergarten students might reside, so we hadn't even gotten a registration packet by the time they were doing advance registration. As I said, I was in the middle of pregnancy and I was honestly sort of waiting around for some direction--advice from daycare, something in the mail, or a notice in the local paper of an open house at the Christian school, which happened around March last year. None of that happened, and suddenly I was like, "Crap, did I miss something?" I called the Christian school, only to find out that Kindergarten was totally booked for next year. Yay for the Christians, but geez...I never expected that. So, I took that as my sign that public school was the way to go.
I called the district to ask about the missing paperwork, and was basically told that they simply hope people see things in the paper or hear via word-of-mouth that they should be getting in touch with the district. Carter, by the way, is covered now, because Jacob's paperwork included a spot for siblings and they will use that to find him when the time comes. But still...ugh. Anyway, I got him registered a few weeks later, and we got a call last week that orientation was today. Lovely.
I was hopeful we'd see the one little girl who we knew would be going to that school, Jacob's old friend Angelica from our old daycare. Sure enough, they were right in the first row when we got there. Nice to see a familiar face, at least. The principal and assistant principal spoke, and the three teachers all shared some nuggets of information, as well. We went over some of the basics--the timing of the school day, how drop-off should go, a preview of school supplies, a schedule of the school day, how lunches work, etc. At one point the kids were herded off in color-coded groups to do some activities and take a ride on a school bus, and the parents sat through more information about transportation, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and a series of items from the school nurse.
I don't think any of the information was particularly crazy or earth-shattering, but it was a lot to take in and it's still hard to fathom how mature my baby is going to become in the next year. Heck, they even tell you to drop off your kid in the foyer (even during the first few days) and they'll learn to get to their classroom on their own. Doing that minimizes the number of adults wandering around the school and also starts the independence process sooner. We still have some decisions to make, such as when we're going to utilize the bus and where Jacob is going to go after school. There's an afterschool program in the building, or he could bus down the street to daycare. The downside of daycare is that it's more expensive, but he's obviously used to it there and it's only one place to go to pick up both kids. I don't know how I feel about the bus in general, though I know I'm not particularly eager to stand at a bus stop in the rain or the middle of winter. Most likely we'll be able to swing drop-off, but the option is still there if we need it, because the woman who spoke today said not to cancel service, even if you're not going to use it often.
We didn't get our supply list yet, but I know that's going to be a lengthy, expensive prospect. We won't find out his teacher until August. There will be a day in September to go meet the teacher and check out his classroom, which is when this is all going to feel extra real. Before then we have some skills to work on to make sure he's ready to take care of himself.
I'm not sure how he's going to do with Kindergarten. Listening is definitely a concern. I know he's smart enough, but I question whether or not he'll rebel against authority or lose interest in the midst of a long day of learning. His Kindergarten experience will be a far cry from mine. Mine was a half day, lots of playing, and a short rest period. On the schedule we saw today, there was no rest period, and subject after subject. I'm sure it will be fine, but it will be a switch. I can't help but wonder how he'll do with that much sustained learning, and how he'll be feeling by the time he makes it to whatever afterschool program we settle on. I worry about his responsibility with homework, packing his backpack, and managing his lunch.
I won't lie, as I was sitting there listening, I looked around at the other parents and wondered if I really want my kid to be friends with their kid. There weren't a lot of people that looked like us--meaning, about our age, decently dressed, no extreme looks--so it's hard to say what the odds are that some great friendship will spawn from this. I couldn't help but wonder how I'd feel about the Christian school. Would I be more comfortable with everything? Would it be a warmer feel? Would I trust the parents more because they took that extra step to send their child somewhere special? Would I feel better about the school because I knew one of the teachers? It's hard to say, but I just have to trust that this is the right thing. I have to pray that Jacob steers clear of the problem kids and manages to be a good learner in that environment. And, if all else fails, perhaps we could move him to the other school for first grade. God forbid things ever get that bad, though.
Anyway, I couldn't really get much out of Jacob about his time without me, but he did do some coloring, supposedly cut out a fish, and took a bus ride. He seemed to like it and thought everything seemed pretty cool, so that's promising. However, once we got to daycare, the assistant directory remarked that he looked a little tired, and she was right--he did. I ended up a little tired myself, so perhaps we were both just a little overwhelmed by everything. Not that it was bad, but it's just a lot to process because it's going to be a major life change. We've got a few months to settle into this, though, so I'm sure that we'll be fine. Just don't mind me if I take a few deep breaths in the meantime...
For a while we were considering sending Jacob to the nearby Christian school. I have friends from college who send their kids there (and the husband teaches there), and everything I've seen them post about the school looked great. Tuition was reasonable, though when I did the math to figure out how much we'd be spending for school and afterschool care (along with summer care), I was shocked to realize that we'd hardly be saving any money compared to what we're spending on his daycare now. That was a little surprising and a tough pill to swallow. Still, we were strongly considering it because we've both had experiences in public and private schools, and there is definitely a difference.
Unfortunately, the timing of getting Jacob registered for school sort of fell in the middle of the worst part of my pregnancy, so I wasn't quite as proactive about everything as I probably should have been. Our district stinks, apparently, because they don't do an audit of students to know where potential kindergarten students might reside, so we hadn't even gotten a registration packet by the time they were doing advance registration. As I said, I was in the middle of pregnancy and I was honestly sort of waiting around for some direction--advice from daycare, something in the mail, or a notice in the local paper of an open house at the Christian school, which happened around March last year. None of that happened, and suddenly I was like, "Crap, did I miss something?" I called the Christian school, only to find out that Kindergarten was totally booked for next year. Yay for the Christians, but geez...I never expected that. So, I took that as my sign that public school was the way to go.
I called the district to ask about the missing paperwork, and was basically told that they simply hope people see things in the paper or hear via word-of-mouth that they should be getting in touch with the district. Carter, by the way, is covered now, because Jacob's paperwork included a spot for siblings and they will use that to find him when the time comes. But still...ugh. Anyway, I got him registered a few weeks later, and we got a call last week that orientation was today. Lovely.
I was hopeful we'd see the one little girl who we knew would be going to that school, Jacob's old friend Angelica from our old daycare. Sure enough, they were right in the first row when we got there. Nice to see a familiar face, at least. The principal and assistant principal spoke, and the three teachers all shared some nuggets of information, as well. We went over some of the basics--the timing of the school day, how drop-off should go, a preview of school supplies, a schedule of the school day, how lunches work, etc. At one point the kids were herded off in color-coded groups to do some activities and take a ride on a school bus, and the parents sat through more information about transportation, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and a series of items from the school nurse.
I don't think any of the information was particularly crazy or earth-shattering, but it was a lot to take in and it's still hard to fathom how mature my baby is going to become in the next year. Heck, they even tell you to drop off your kid in the foyer (even during the first few days) and they'll learn to get to their classroom on their own. Doing that minimizes the number of adults wandering around the school and also starts the independence process sooner. We still have some decisions to make, such as when we're going to utilize the bus and where Jacob is going to go after school. There's an afterschool program in the building, or he could bus down the street to daycare. The downside of daycare is that it's more expensive, but he's obviously used to it there and it's only one place to go to pick up both kids. I don't know how I feel about the bus in general, though I know I'm not particularly eager to stand at a bus stop in the rain or the middle of winter. Most likely we'll be able to swing drop-off, but the option is still there if we need it, because the woman who spoke today said not to cancel service, even if you're not going to use it often.
We didn't get our supply list yet, but I know that's going to be a lengthy, expensive prospect. We won't find out his teacher until August. There will be a day in September to go meet the teacher and check out his classroom, which is when this is all going to feel extra real. Before then we have some skills to work on to make sure he's ready to take care of himself.
I'm not sure how he's going to do with Kindergarten. Listening is definitely a concern. I know he's smart enough, but I question whether or not he'll rebel against authority or lose interest in the midst of a long day of learning. His Kindergarten experience will be a far cry from mine. Mine was a half day, lots of playing, and a short rest period. On the schedule we saw today, there was no rest period, and subject after subject. I'm sure it will be fine, but it will be a switch. I can't help but wonder how he'll do with that much sustained learning, and how he'll be feeling by the time he makes it to whatever afterschool program we settle on. I worry about his responsibility with homework, packing his backpack, and managing his lunch.
I won't lie, as I was sitting there listening, I looked around at the other parents and wondered if I really want my kid to be friends with their kid. There weren't a lot of people that looked like us--meaning, about our age, decently dressed, no extreme looks--so it's hard to say what the odds are that some great friendship will spawn from this. I couldn't help but wonder how I'd feel about the Christian school. Would I be more comfortable with everything? Would it be a warmer feel? Would I trust the parents more because they took that extra step to send their child somewhere special? Would I feel better about the school because I knew one of the teachers? It's hard to say, but I just have to trust that this is the right thing. I have to pray that Jacob steers clear of the problem kids and manages to be a good learner in that environment. And, if all else fails, perhaps we could move him to the other school for first grade. God forbid things ever get that bad, though.
Anyway, I couldn't really get much out of Jacob about his time without me, but he did do some coloring, supposedly cut out a fish, and took a bus ride. He seemed to like it and thought everything seemed pretty cool, so that's promising. However, once we got to daycare, the assistant directory remarked that he looked a little tired, and she was right--he did. I ended up a little tired myself, so perhaps we were both just a little overwhelmed by everything. Not that it was bad, but it's just a lot to process because it's going to be a major life change. We've got a few months to settle into this, though, so I'm sure that we'll be fine. Just don't mind me if I take a few deep breaths in the meantime...
Monday, June 10, 2013
Never Enough
I felt like I managed having a newborn so much better than last time around. And I think I did, but I suppose that led me to overestimate how the transition back to work would be. I've been back to work now for nearly two months, and quite frankly, it stinks.
There are bright sides. I love picking the boys up most days, especially now that I get a real smile from Carter when he sees me. The condensed time with them means that I appreciate the evenings and weekends so much more than I probably would otherwise, and I'm fresher on the mom front (despite a long day of work) than I would be if I were home with them all day. Obviously the income is important, my brain gets a nice workout, and I get adult interaction. But that's about where it ends.
I am exhausted. Every. Single. Day. I'm not sure there's been a day since I've been back to work that I haven't been nearly nodding off at my desk at one point or another during the day. I suppose I can't use Carter as an excuse since he's an amazing sleeper who almost never wakes up in the middle of the night (well, at least until the past week). But I still can't get enough sleep. Sometimes it's Jacob waking up in the middle of the night with bad dreams or a wet bed. Sometimes it's shallow sleep because I'm always listening for noises over the monitors. But most of the time it's just that my bedtime is too late and my alarm clock is too early. Carter wakes up somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30 to eat. If he's at the early end of that range, the good news is that I get to sneak a few more minutes in bed after I put him back down, but the bad news is that I am basically up for the day at 5:30 because I don't really get any more quality sleep after that. If it's at the later end of that range, I need to be up before then in order to ensure that we're all ready to leave the house on time. I used to be able to snooze until at least 7am before Carter was born, so the early wake-up is a little painful. Easier than expected most of the time, I suppose, but it comes back to bite me later in the day.
So after a full day of work where I can hardly keep my eyes open or focus like I should, I head home. Pickup, dinner, a little playtime, and then bedtime. Jacob usually goes down first, sometime between 8:30 and 9pm. Carter usually takes his last bottle around that same time, and he's in bed between 9-10pm, depending on how smoothly the feeding and last diaper change go. My target bedtime is 11pm, but it's rare that I make it when I only have an hour or so after Carter is asleep. I have bottles to wash, dishes to do, laundry to fold, and endless spots in the house that need cleaning up. I have to pay bills, sort mail, clip coupons, read papers, or reply to emails. Usually we try to fit in a TV show clogging up our DVR, or I'm trying to write a blog post (it's therapy, people...very important to my mental health) or do some online window shopping or Pinterest browsing for one thing or another. Suddenly it's after 11pm and I'm behind the 8-ball again. I always try to fit in "just one more thing" and inevitably it leads to something else. I search for one more thing online and then remember something else. I clean up the pile of mail only to find something I need to take care of. I go into the kitchen to dump off snack dishes and realize I forgot to get Carter's morning bottle ready to go. It's a never-ending cycle.
All of this doesn't even take into consideration all of the other things that I'd like to be doing. I'm lucky if I can get my once-a-week workout in, and at the same time I'm trying to make sure Craig has opportunities to fit in his workouts. I'd love to go shopping to fill in a few of the holes in my wardrobe right now, but finding the time and patience is hard. I really need to do Christening thank you notes, doing some filing, and start planning Jacob's birthday party (or parties, if we end up allowing him to have a friend one). I feel bad because I've been putting off scheduling play dates for Jacob because weekends are already so jammed that I can't quite fathom fitting in that, too. And the worst part is that because I know I'm going to be tired by the time the kids go to bed, I sacrifice time with them so I can try to get a few things done earlier. I have so little time with them in the first place that it kills me to do that, but sometimes I have to. I'm so overwhelmed by everything that I can't seem to focus on anything. I forget things, or walk by the same pile of stuff for days (weeks!?) before I ever get around to doing something with it. Time flies like crazy.
Work is definitely a challenge, and over the past week I seem to be going through the same funk that I go through once every few months. Usually it's triggered by a bad day at work, or a day where I just feel like what I do is not worth being away from my kids. Something has to suffer, and I don't want it to be my family, but that's often how it ends up. And quite frankly, some people might argue that work suffers too, since I'm always running out the door at 5:15 to get to daycare on time. It's not fair to anyone, and it's hard to go through every day knowing that your priorities have to be backward. At the same time, I know I'm not cut out to be home 24/7, but every time I get into one of these funks, I go over a dozen scenarios in my head about how I could work part time. But none of them ever work, mostly because there's just no way to recoup the lost income, make daycare cheap enough, or cut enough corners on our household budget to make it doable. It's so disheartening every time I come to that conclusion, but never more so than right now when I'm just craving time with Carter, my little smile machine. I like my job, but more and more I feel like the job is changing and I'm not suited to changing with it. I feel like my brain is not wired to do the things they want me to do, and it's hard to want to bother with learning new things or taking on new responsibilities because I know I can't dedicate any more to this job than I already do. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of doing anything more because I can barely handle what I do now. Then I feel like a bad employee, but the thought of rectifying that generally makes me fear becoming a worse mom, and so on and so forth.
Long story short, there just aren't enough hours in the day. There isn't enough time to work, spend time with the kids, spend time with Craig, do what I need to around the house, and get a little me-time in so I'm a happier person doing all those other things. And there isn't enough time for sleep, which makes all of those things that much harder. There are so many things about my current schedule that I'd love to change, but I'm not a morning person either so that's not happening. I feel like I'm missing out on Carter's babyhood, just like I did on Jacob's, and I know now more than ever how quickly this time passes...and since we won't be doing it again, it's that much harder. I just feel like I'm treading water, at best, and never really doing anything well. I spend my rides to work dreaming about what it would be like to be able to be well-rested; to spend time with other moms; to do activities with my kids without feeling like I'm shirking other responsibilities or rushing them along so I can get back to something else; to have the time to think through organizing my house better; to keep my house clean; to plan dinners in advance and make better stuff; to have the ability to think clearly about planning parties or trips; to not have crazy daycare bills or worry about what my kids will do after school or during summers; to at least be the kind of mom my mom was for me. Heck, I think my mom is the reason why I'd love to work part time. She did it starting around the time I turned eight, and it brought a nice balance of independence (which I didn't abuse, unless plentiful after-school TV counts) and care. She was always available for school things or doctor's appointments, and I worry about things like that with my own kids because I only have so much vacation to go around. It's a different era, now, though. We have to pay for things like cell phones, internet access, and $4 per gallon gas. College (even state schools) costs thousands more than it used to, and I'd feel bad not giving my kids the same sort of help my parents gave me (or at least attempting to). As I've said, despite the cost of daycare, there is no combination of cuts that we could make to our expenditures that would make it possible for only one of us to work, even part time. At least not if we want a comfortable savings account or any amount of entertainment in our lives.
Eventually I will come out of this funk and settle back into acceptance of this less-than-ideal way of life. It's not that bad, after all, and we're beyond blessed in so many ways. It's just frustrating to see a different way of life that seems so much more natural and fulfilling just beyond your grasp. I'm sure there's some degree of "the grass is always greener" here, too, and I've have some issues to contend with even if I got my wish. But man, it would sure be fun to try...
There are bright sides. I love picking the boys up most days, especially now that I get a real smile from Carter when he sees me. The condensed time with them means that I appreciate the evenings and weekends so much more than I probably would otherwise, and I'm fresher on the mom front (despite a long day of work) than I would be if I were home with them all day. Obviously the income is important, my brain gets a nice workout, and I get adult interaction. But that's about where it ends.
I am exhausted. Every. Single. Day. I'm not sure there's been a day since I've been back to work that I haven't been nearly nodding off at my desk at one point or another during the day. I suppose I can't use Carter as an excuse since he's an amazing sleeper who almost never wakes up in the middle of the night (well, at least until the past week). But I still can't get enough sleep. Sometimes it's Jacob waking up in the middle of the night with bad dreams or a wet bed. Sometimes it's shallow sleep because I'm always listening for noises over the monitors. But most of the time it's just that my bedtime is too late and my alarm clock is too early. Carter wakes up somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30 to eat. If he's at the early end of that range, the good news is that I get to sneak a few more minutes in bed after I put him back down, but the bad news is that I am basically up for the day at 5:30 because I don't really get any more quality sleep after that. If it's at the later end of that range, I need to be up before then in order to ensure that we're all ready to leave the house on time. I used to be able to snooze until at least 7am before Carter was born, so the early wake-up is a little painful. Easier than expected most of the time, I suppose, but it comes back to bite me later in the day.
So after a full day of work where I can hardly keep my eyes open or focus like I should, I head home. Pickup, dinner, a little playtime, and then bedtime. Jacob usually goes down first, sometime between 8:30 and 9pm. Carter usually takes his last bottle around that same time, and he's in bed between 9-10pm, depending on how smoothly the feeding and last diaper change go. My target bedtime is 11pm, but it's rare that I make it when I only have an hour or so after Carter is asleep. I have bottles to wash, dishes to do, laundry to fold, and endless spots in the house that need cleaning up. I have to pay bills, sort mail, clip coupons, read papers, or reply to emails. Usually we try to fit in a TV show clogging up our DVR, or I'm trying to write a blog post (it's therapy, people...very important to my mental health) or do some online window shopping or Pinterest browsing for one thing or another. Suddenly it's after 11pm and I'm behind the 8-ball again. I always try to fit in "just one more thing" and inevitably it leads to something else. I search for one more thing online and then remember something else. I clean up the pile of mail only to find something I need to take care of. I go into the kitchen to dump off snack dishes and realize I forgot to get Carter's morning bottle ready to go. It's a never-ending cycle.
All of this doesn't even take into consideration all of the other things that I'd like to be doing. I'm lucky if I can get my once-a-week workout in, and at the same time I'm trying to make sure Craig has opportunities to fit in his workouts. I'd love to go shopping to fill in a few of the holes in my wardrobe right now, but finding the time and patience is hard. I really need to do Christening thank you notes, doing some filing, and start planning Jacob's birthday party (or parties, if we end up allowing him to have a friend one). I feel bad because I've been putting off scheduling play dates for Jacob because weekends are already so jammed that I can't quite fathom fitting in that, too. And the worst part is that because I know I'm going to be tired by the time the kids go to bed, I sacrifice time with them so I can try to get a few things done earlier. I have so little time with them in the first place that it kills me to do that, but sometimes I have to. I'm so overwhelmed by everything that I can't seem to focus on anything. I forget things, or walk by the same pile of stuff for days (weeks!?) before I ever get around to doing something with it. Time flies like crazy.
Work is definitely a challenge, and over the past week I seem to be going through the same funk that I go through once every few months. Usually it's triggered by a bad day at work, or a day where I just feel like what I do is not worth being away from my kids. Something has to suffer, and I don't want it to be my family, but that's often how it ends up. And quite frankly, some people might argue that work suffers too, since I'm always running out the door at 5:15 to get to daycare on time. It's not fair to anyone, and it's hard to go through every day knowing that your priorities have to be backward. At the same time, I know I'm not cut out to be home 24/7, but every time I get into one of these funks, I go over a dozen scenarios in my head about how I could work part time. But none of them ever work, mostly because there's just no way to recoup the lost income, make daycare cheap enough, or cut enough corners on our household budget to make it doable. It's so disheartening every time I come to that conclusion, but never more so than right now when I'm just craving time with Carter, my little smile machine. I like my job, but more and more I feel like the job is changing and I'm not suited to changing with it. I feel like my brain is not wired to do the things they want me to do, and it's hard to want to bother with learning new things or taking on new responsibilities because I know I can't dedicate any more to this job than I already do. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of doing anything more because I can barely handle what I do now. Then I feel like a bad employee, but the thought of rectifying that generally makes me fear becoming a worse mom, and so on and so forth.
Long story short, there just aren't enough hours in the day. There isn't enough time to work, spend time with the kids, spend time with Craig, do what I need to around the house, and get a little me-time in so I'm a happier person doing all those other things. And there isn't enough time for sleep, which makes all of those things that much harder. There are so many things about my current schedule that I'd love to change, but I'm not a morning person either so that's not happening. I feel like I'm missing out on Carter's babyhood, just like I did on Jacob's, and I know now more than ever how quickly this time passes...and since we won't be doing it again, it's that much harder. I just feel like I'm treading water, at best, and never really doing anything well. I spend my rides to work dreaming about what it would be like to be able to be well-rested; to spend time with other moms; to do activities with my kids without feeling like I'm shirking other responsibilities or rushing them along so I can get back to something else; to have the time to think through organizing my house better; to keep my house clean; to plan dinners in advance and make better stuff; to have the ability to think clearly about planning parties or trips; to not have crazy daycare bills or worry about what my kids will do after school or during summers; to at least be the kind of mom my mom was for me. Heck, I think my mom is the reason why I'd love to work part time. She did it starting around the time I turned eight, and it brought a nice balance of independence (which I didn't abuse, unless plentiful after-school TV counts) and care. She was always available for school things or doctor's appointments, and I worry about things like that with my own kids because I only have so much vacation to go around. It's a different era, now, though. We have to pay for things like cell phones, internet access, and $4 per gallon gas. College (even state schools) costs thousands more than it used to, and I'd feel bad not giving my kids the same sort of help my parents gave me (or at least attempting to). As I've said, despite the cost of daycare, there is no combination of cuts that we could make to our expenditures that would make it possible for only one of us to work, even part time. At least not if we want a comfortable savings account or any amount of entertainment in our lives.
Eventually I will come out of this funk and settle back into acceptance of this less-than-ideal way of life. It's not that bad, after all, and we're beyond blessed in so many ways. It's just frustrating to see a different way of life that seems so much more natural and fulfilling just beyond your grasp. I'm sure there's some degree of "the grass is always greener" here, too, and I've have some issues to contend with even if I got my wish. But man, it would sure be fun to try...
Saturday, June 8, 2013
The Graduate
Last night Jacob graduated from preschool. It doesn't really change anything in the short term, since he'll still be going to the same place every day until September, but technically, he has finished preschool and is headed toward Kindergarten. Coincidentally, his Kindergarten orientation is Tuesday morning. That is going to be quite the experience--our first time at his school, meeting new people, going on a real bus ride. I laughed last night as I realized that the same thing happened to me--I graduated high school, and a few days later I was off to my college orientation. That experience wasn't so great--more disorienting than anything (haha)--but I'm hoping Jacob's gets him really excited for school.
Anyway, the graduation was held in the church that the daycare is adjacent to. Jacob had said a few weeks ago that he wanted to wear a shirt and tie for graduation, and I assumed he'd change his mind (or more likely, decide after we bought it that he didn't want to after all), but on Thursday he insisted he still did and we went out to find him a shirt and tie. He looked so handsome! Craig got to daycare a little early to get him changed, and by the time I arrived a little after 6pm, I was informed that I had just missed a major meltdown about his shoes--apparently he didn't want to scuff them up, but I have no idea where he thought he would do that. Fortunately a couple things calmed the tantrum, and they were back in business.
When they all processed in, Jacob looked so fancy in his shirt, tie, gown, and cap! He was a little fixated on his tassel...
The director and teachers did speeches, and the kids sang some cute songs about going to Kindergarten. The one teacher mentioned that she'd never been shown up by a kid when talking about sports as much as she had this year, and I know she was talking about Jacob! Later on they did awards for each kid, basically a guess on what their future occupation would be based on their in-classroom skills and personality. The rule-follower would be a policeman, Jacob's buddy Mason a soccer player like his dad, the girl who loves their beauty shop center a hairstylist, etc. And, not surprisingly, Jacob was deemed a "sports announcer" since he will talk about sports all the time, to anyone who will listen.
At one point I caught this picture of him...
...And after they got their diplomas, each kid had to walk up to the microphone and say why they wanted to go to Kindergarten. My guess was that he'd say he wants to go so he can play baseball. But he walked right up to the microphone and confidently stated, "I want to go to Kindergarten so I can play basketball!" Craig figured that Jacob equated Kindergarten with a school with a gym, and gyms have basketball hoops.
At the end of the ceremony, the recessional was done to "It's Raining Men" because the the big joke of the night is that the class had all these boys and only two girls! The teachers have definitely been troopers, because life with all these boys is definitely interesting. So, right at the end, they pulled out some umbrellas and sang along to the song. Very creative!
Afterward there was a reception in the church basement. There was pizza, salads (that we all made), fruit, and cake. Each kid got a water bottle full of candy and a balloon...
Jacob was a little crazy after it was all over, and the kids were all running around and bopping each other with balloons, but I did manage to capture this shot...because who knows when he'll be willing to wear a shirt and tie again!
Once we were home, Jacob ended up changing into shorts and flip flops and came out of his room dancing. What a goof ball!
He says he wants to graduate again, but the good news for him is that he'll get to do it all over again next year when he finishes Kindergarten. How is my baby going to Kindergarten? We go to orientation on Tuesday, so that will be interesting.
As far as graduation, though, I ended up not being as emotional as I expected. I got a little misty on the way there thinking about how five years ago I was pregnant and couldn't even fathom what it would be like to have a kindergartner, and now here we are. It's been one heck of a ride, and it's still just beginning. I know that before I know it he's going to be graduating high school! I suppose it helps now that we have Carter and know that we have one more baby to experience all of these milestones with. But let me tell you, putting away the outgrown clothes is already striking me as a bit harder this time around! But it is amazing to think of how far we've come.
I'm very proud of Jacob and excited for his next chapter. I know he's smart enough to do fantastically in Kindergarten, but I just hope that between his teachers and us we can find a way to channel his energy and help him listen and learn without making any of us (least of all him) crazy. It all begins Tuesday...
Anyway, the graduation was held in the church that the daycare is adjacent to. Jacob had said a few weeks ago that he wanted to wear a shirt and tie for graduation, and I assumed he'd change his mind (or more likely, decide after we bought it that he didn't want to after all), but on Thursday he insisted he still did and we went out to find him a shirt and tie. He looked so handsome! Craig got to daycare a little early to get him changed, and by the time I arrived a little after 6pm, I was informed that I had just missed a major meltdown about his shoes--apparently he didn't want to scuff them up, but I have no idea where he thought he would do that. Fortunately a couple things calmed the tantrum, and they were back in business.
When they all processed in, Jacob looked so fancy in his shirt, tie, gown, and cap! He was a little fixated on his tassel...
The director and teachers did speeches, and the kids sang some cute songs about going to Kindergarten. The one teacher mentioned that she'd never been shown up by a kid when talking about sports as much as she had this year, and I know she was talking about Jacob! Later on they did awards for each kid, basically a guess on what their future occupation would be based on their in-classroom skills and personality. The rule-follower would be a policeman, Jacob's buddy Mason a soccer player like his dad, the girl who loves their beauty shop center a hairstylist, etc. And, not surprisingly, Jacob was deemed a "sports announcer" since he will talk about sports all the time, to anyone who will listen.
At one point I caught this picture of him...
At the end of the ceremony, the recessional was done to "It's Raining Men" because the the big joke of the night is that the class had all these boys and only two girls! The teachers have definitely been troopers, because life with all these boys is definitely interesting. So, right at the end, they pulled out some umbrellas and sang along to the song. Very creative!
Afterward there was a reception in the church basement. There was pizza, salads (that we all made), fruit, and cake. Each kid got a water bottle full of candy and a balloon...
Jacob was a little crazy after it was all over, and the kids were all running around and bopping each other with balloons, but I did manage to capture this shot...because who knows when he'll be willing to wear a shirt and tie again!
Once we were home, Jacob ended up changing into shorts and flip flops and came out of his room dancing. What a goof ball!
He says he wants to graduate again, but the good news for him is that he'll get to do it all over again next year when he finishes Kindergarten. How is my baby going to Kindergarten? We go to orientation on Tuesday, so that will be interesting.
As far as graduation, though, I ended up not being as emotional as I expected. I got a little misty on the way there thinking about how five years ago I was pregnant and couldn't even fathom what it would be like to have a kindergartner, and now here we are. It's been one heck of a ride, and it's still just beginning. I know that before I know it he's going to be graduating high school! I suppose it helps now that we have Carter and know that we have one more baby to experience all of these milestones with. But let me tell you, putting away the outgrown clothes is already striking me as a bit harder this time around! But it is amazing to think of how far we've come.
I'm very proud of Jacob and excited for his next chapter. I know he's smart enough to do fantastically in Kindergarten, but I just hope that between his teachers and us we can find a way to channel his energy and help him listen and learn without making any of us (least of all him) crazy. It all begins Tuesday...
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