I wrote the following post last night:
There's nothing quite as scary as knowing something is wrong with your child, but not knowing what it is. As I've mentioned, Jacob seemed to have a stomach bug Monday morning, and has been fighting a fever since Sunday. Fevers seem to go hand-in-hand with viruses that cause stomach bugs, so I can't say I was surprised that the fever was sticking around. Often I hear about people who talk about their kids being out of commission for a week, and I think, "Man, how do you get through a week with a sick kid and two working parents?" Well, we're inching ever closer to that week mark, and per yesterday's post, it's been tough. I worked all day today while Craig stayed home, and I managed to get some good work done. However, tomorrow could be another tough day. I'm hoping for half days for both of us at worst, but I know Craig is really feeling the pinch with the Knighthawks' first game coming up on Saturday.
Anyway, when I called daycare today the director told me that one of the kids in Jacob's class hadn't been in all week, and his turned out to be a surprise case of strep. If there's one thing I've learned from life at daycare, it's that strep comes in many forms. In adults it's a sore throat, but in kids, you'd often never know they have it. Last year Jacob's only symptom was a rash around his mouth. Another kid at daycare recently had pinkeye, but their strep test came back positive. Rarely do they complain about sore throats. Apparently a stomachache is a symptom, which a co-worker of mine validated. Jacob's been complaining randomly of stomach pains all week, and while part of us thought it might be an escape route, it did seem a little oddly timed sometimes to be faked. Yet it came and went so quickly that we just couldn't be sure.
I had already planned on calling the doctor today, but my chat with the director solidified it. Not to mention that Jacob's nose seemed to be running worse than usual and his cough had picked up. While I know he's been vaccinated and the odds of this are slim, I thought his cough sounded strangely similar to this commercial about whooping cough I heard the other day. I don't really think he has whooping cough but as I type this I'm a bundle of nerves because something IS wrong with my baby and I don't know what.
Craig took him to his appointment two hours ago and they're still not home. In fact, the doctor's office is closing right now and yet I haven't heard anything solid. Craig has snuck on Facebook a couple of times, but all I know is that his breathing was too low and they were trying to get it up. I sent him a message (that I'm not sure he's gotten yet) reminding him that we have a nebulizer at home in case we need it. But even still...not knowing what is wrong with my little boy is making me a little crazy. And sad. And guilty for not getting him in there sooner.
I don't think I've been this freaked out about Jacob's health in at least three years. Three years ago we were going through the many tests to find out why Jacob was still coughing months after an initial bout with RSV. We did breathing treatments, horrible tests in the hospital, and in the end it was determined to be caused by reflux, which he's still on medicine for today. We got the ok to take him off of it, but he has been just sick enough to keep him on it.
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And that's where I cut off. I'm sure I had more to say, but by that point I was starting to lose my mind with worry. I did find a text message from Craig from earlier, but all it really told me was that he had strep and he was having breathing problems. They couldn't get his oxygen level up to the target 95%, and we were thisclose to having to go to the emergency room. In the end we filled three prescriptions: amoxicillin for the strep, prednisone (a steroid), and albuterol, to use in our nebulizer. We've giving him treatments every four hours, around the clock, for two days. Then it's four times a day for two days and three times a day for five days. Hopefully by then he'll be back to normal. He seemed considerably better today with just the first few doses of everything under his belt.
roadtrip and wouldn't answer his phone. It was literally painful and beyond agonizing.
Eventually I couldn't just sit around, so I headed out to see if they were still at the doctor's office. They weren't when I got there, but I didn't miss them by much. At that point Craig finally called and they were on their way to Wegmans to fill the prescriptions. I met up with them there, we waited until the pharmacy closed, then came home to finally eat some dinner (around 11pm!), do another breathing treatment, and get Jacob in bed. It was a late night, with a 3am wakeup for another treatment, and an early morning. Craig got up extra early to go into work early and I let Jacob sleep until 8am before getting us up for yet another treatment. We switched off home duties at lunch.
My parents are coming tomorrow because Craig's off on a roadtrip and I really can't miss more work. We have a followup appointment at 8am tomorrow, so I should get some answers then about what caused these problems (the strep, a different infection, bad genes, etc.), and what the implications might be (asthma, future things we have to watch). It scares me to think what might have happened had this not been caught when it was. It's been such a crazy week that I can barely begin to wrap my brain around it all. I'm so relieved that Jacob appears to be doing better. I'll be even happier when thing whiny, demanding, shrieky randomness that's overtaken him this week goes away, but for now I'll take better breathing by a long shot. Still, probably the thing I will most take from this experience is the absolute gut-wrenching pain that I felt when I didn't know what was going on. Oh, and the thing that really set me off? When I saw all the comments on Facebook from my friends who were praying for him (per a request in my status)...the mere sight of them almost solidified the fact that something was truly wrong, and I lost it for a few minutes. The helplessness and worry were overwhelming. More than any other time in his life--even among the problems he had at birth or the issues he had in his first year--I was so desperately worried about the state of his health. I hope I never have to feel that way again. Ever.
Even still, keep us in your prayers. If there's anything I've learned from parenting, it's that you just never know what's next. I pray he only continues to improve, but suffice it to say that my confidence is a bit shaken. My faith, however, is intact, and I'll be holding on to that until further notice...
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Work-Home Balance
I know this post isn't really going to say anything that hasn't been said--either by me on this blog or by dozens of other folks in the blogosphere--but today proved to me, more than ever, that the conflict of the working parent is eternal. The primary thought that popped into my head, was, simply:
There is no way that a working parent can have true balance. Each will always suffer at the hand of the other.
There is no getting around it. No matter how careful you are, no matter how hard you try, it's going to happen. Work will suffer because of your home life, and your home life will suffer because of work. Just by virtue of being at work the home life takes a little hit...I mean, the long-held ideal is to raise your child in your home, so being a working mom means that I'm not getting nearly as much time with Jacob as would be ideal. I've said before that I wouldn't be a great stay-at-home mom, but if I could have more of a balance--working part-time--I'd feel like I'd be a better person and a better mom. I'd have more home time which would hopefully mean less stress about getting things done there. However, working part-time means that I'd get less work done, so maybe my stress would be higher there. Again, can't win.
I feel like I'm in a tough spot in my job because I'm the only one in my department who has a child. No matter how everyone might think they understand, I don't think they truly do. I can't stay late at work, nor is it easy to come in early. Most of the time I need to leave work in time to get Jacob at daycare by closing time. I don't want to leave extra early in the morning because that means I need to wake Jacob up extra early so he's ready on time. I could enlist Craig to get up earlier or pick Jacob up more, but he's got his own commitments and it's not necessarily fair to "punish" either of them because of my issues. Maybe I need to stand up more, but it's not easy.
This week Jacob has been sick. This is one of the busiest weeks of Craig's season--the week before the first game of the season. He had a meeting yesterday and a press conference today. I had a doctor's appointment first thing yesterday, but came home to take over Jacob's care right after so Craig could make his meeting. Even though I was planning on coming in later, my boss told me to stay home--probably to make sure I wasn't spreading germs either. Craig took the morning shift at home today, but I had to take over for the afternoon...which means that in the last two days, I've been in the office for less than four hours. That, on top of a four-day week last week, and a week off before that, and an inconsistent schedule for a few weeks before that. I'm way behind on everything, and it's driving me nuts. Today I wasn't able to get something done that my boss needed, and she sent me a rather unhappy email about it, basically wanting to know why I didn't get it done even though it was communicated to be a high priority. It's hard to explain why, I suppose, but a couple other projects also noted to be "ASAP" took a while, and then the little things--responding to emails, moving projects forward, etc.--just took long enough that the other thing couldn't get done. And I simply couldn't stay to do it. Oh, and my work laptop simply will NOT work at my house.
I don't think people fully understand how limited your schedule can be once you have a child, and having a spouse with an unconventional schedule isn't easy either. The road trips start this weekend, so that's even less often that I can alter my schedule. When you have a child, you can't just do things for yourself. It's one thing to impact your spouse, a grown adult who could fend for himself if needed. It's another to mess with the schedule of a child who craves structure and routine, and who only gets a limited amount of time with you as it is. And when they're sick? Yeah, all bets are off. We can't send him to daycare with a fever, let alone as the sad, whimpering boy he's been the last couple days. Ultimately, we both need to sacrifice, and as it worked out, I've had to do more time-wise this week. But considering the week it is, Craig's time is probably more valuable. How can you choose?
Tomorrow I get to work all day, I think. We're hoping Jacob's fever breaks overnight, though I reluctantly gave him medicine tonight because the fever really seemed to be bugging him. I wanted to let the fever do its thing, but a good night's sleep and his general comfort seemed more important this time around. If the fever doesn't break, Craig will be staying home. Let's hope it doesn't come to that, though. Even if it does break, I'm not sure his energy level will be quite where it needs to be, but it'll be worth a try. It has to be.
There is no way that a working parent can have true balance. Each will always suffer at the hand of the other.
There is no getting around it. No matter how careful you are, no matter how hard you try, it's going to happen. Work will suffer because of your home life, and your home life will suffer because of work. Just by virtue of being at work the home life takes a little hit...I mean, the long-held ideal is to raise your child in your home, so being a working mom means that I'm not getting nearly as much time with Jacob as would be ideal. I've said before that I wouldn't be a great stay-at-home mom, but if I could have more of a balance--working part-time--I'd feel like I'd be a better person and a better mom. I'd have more home time which would hopefully mean less stress about getting things done there. However, working part-time means that I'd get less work done, so maybe my stress would be higher there. Again, can't win.
I feel like I'm in a tough spot in my job because I'm the only one in my department who has a child. No matter how everyone might think they understand, I don't think they truly do. I can't stay late at work, nor is it easy to come in early. Most of the time I need to leave work in time to get Jacob at daycare by closing time. I don't want to leave extra early in the morning because that means I need to wake Jacob up extra early so he's ready on time. I could enlist Craig to get up earlier or pick Jacob up more, but he's got his own commitments and it's not necessarily fair to "punish" either of them because of my issues. Maybe I need to stand up more, but it's not easy.
This week Jacob has been sick. This is one of the busiest weeks of Craig's season--the week before the first game of the season. He had a meeting yesterday and a press conference today. I had a doctor's appointment first thing yesterday, but came home to take over Jacob's care right after so Craig could make his meeting. Even though I was planning on coming in later, my boss told me to stay home--probably to make sure I wasn't spreading germs either. Craig took the morning shift at home today, but I had to take over for the afternoon...which means that in the last two days, I've been in the office for less than four hours. That, on top of a four-day week last week, and a week off before that, and an inconsistent schedule for a few weeks before that. I'm way behind on everything, and it's driving me nuts. Today I wasn't able to get something done that my boss needed, and she sent me a rather unhappy email about it, basically wanting to know why I didn't get it done even though it was communicated to be a high priority. It's hard to explain why, I suppose, but a couple other projects also noted to be "ASAP" took a while, and then the little things--responding to emails, moving projects forward, etc.--just took long enough that the other thing couldn't get done. And I simply couldn't stay to do it. Oh, and my work laptop simply will NOT work at my house.
I don't think people fully understand how limited your schedule can be once you have a child, and having a spouse with an unconventional schedule isn't easy either. The road trips start this weekend, so that's even less often that I can alter my schedule. When you have a child, you can't just do things for yourself. It's one thing to impact your spouse, a grown adult who could fend for himself if needed. It's another to mess with the schedule of a child who craves structure and routine, and who only gets a limited amount of time with you as it is. And when they're sick? Yeah, all bets are off. We can't send him to daycare with a fever, let alone as the sad, whimpering boy he's been the last couple days. Ultimately, we both need to sacrifice, and as it worked out, I've had to do more time-wise this week. But considering the week it is, Craig's time is probably more valuable. How can you choose?
Tomorrow I get to work all day, I think. We're hoping Jacob's fever breaks overnight, though I reluctantly gave him medicine tonight because the fever really seemed to be bugging him. I wanted to let the fever do its thing, but a good night's sleep and his general comfort seemed more important this time around. If the fever doesn't break, Craig will be staying home. Let's hope it doesn't come to that, though. Even if it does break, I'm not sure his energy level will be quite where it needs to be, but it'll be worth a try. It has to be.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Well, it WAS a good weekend...
The weekend started out with a gorgeous sunset as seen from my office. It was breathtaking. The sky was doing this crazy ripple thing in one spot. I've seen clouds do this before, but these ripples were so tiny! It was awesome. This picture almost looks blurry, but it's not.
And toward the other direction, it was doing this:
And later, this:
Friday night we went out to a local restaurant where the Knighthawks' dance team was doing their official calendar release party. The girls loved Jacob, and the players that were there couldn't help but laugh at how shy Jacob still is. He's seen them a bunch, but he still shies away every time. We had fun, though, and headed home so he could go to bed and I could start packing for our weekend trip to Buffalo.
Saturday we had hoped to get a quick start, but it just didn't happen (as usual). We took off after a quick lunch at home, did some quick shopping, and stopped at my parents' for a little bit since it was my dad's birthday. After dinner, we headed out to a big event: Jacob's first NHL game! He's been to a preseason game, but this was the first real thing, and it was exciting for all of us. Not the least of which me, since I hadn't been to a Sabres game in probably five years. This from a girl who spent a lot of time at Sabres games back in the day. We had great seats and although Jacob was quiet when we got there, he was definitely taking it all in.
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| Pregame photo op with Daddy...the best I could do! |
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| And one with Mommy...again, the best we could do! |
And the requisite popcorn shot...
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| At least the full mouth helped him to stop asking to go out and play hockey...yep, great seats, but he still wanted to go play. |
On the way out, we snapped this random picture in the old Aud seats outside the Pour Man's Aud Club. Random, yes...totally us, yep.
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We got him into the bathroom for the next round, and he freaked out a bit when it was all over. Luckily he didn't have much in his stomach since he didn't eat much yesterday, but it was still pretty awful to watch. He threw up once again after a couple sips of water, but that ended up being it for the day. On the bright side, everything was pretty easily cleaned up, and puking in our bed spared his million stuffed animals. Best idea ever was to put down an old comforter on the living room floor to keep a comfy safe-zone for him. He seemed better around lunch time, asking for food and keeping it all down, but he slowly became more lethargic and his fever came back. He fell asleep out of the blue around 5:30, after a fitful nap full of sleeptalking earlier this afternoon, but still went right down at bedtime. I always worry a bit about dehydration even though he was peeing normally and crying tears. He just seemed so miserable at times, whining about random stuff and staring off into space. He said his belly still hurt, but everything stayed down. Not sure how things will go tomorrow--or for Craig and me for the rest of the week, both health and work-wise--but at least I got all of my Christmas stuff taken down today. A little bonus for me, I guess.
So, it was a good weekend...but today was not the best kind of Monday. Wish us luck...
Saturday, January 7, 2012
From the outside...
A few weeks ago, just before Christmas, one of my best friends from college had a baby. I posted back in November about my trip downstate for her baby shower, and she ended up having her baby about 10 days early (much like I did!), coincidentally on the same day as my niece's birthday. It's her first baby, a boy, and I couldn't be happier for her.
For myself, though...I'm a bit sad. No, not because I want to have another baby. I think it's easy to get jealous of acquaintances and feel a little bummed when you see a pregnant woman you don't know, but when it comes to close friends and family? I think happiness is a far easier emotion to feel. Maybe if this goes on for many more months I'll feel differently, but when you truly care about people, I think you can't help but feel joy for them when they receive such a precious gift.
So why am I sad? Well, it's because we've grown apart. As I alluded to in my baby shower post, we had sort of fallen out of touch for a while. I can't blame it all on her, by any means, but I do think that in the nearly five years that have passed since our college trio last had a fun, non-event-based weekend together, I've been the one trying the hardest to get together again. Then again, I was the one who had a baby first, and the first year or so after Jacob was born was hard--I was nursing, I was tired, I was hesitant to leave him--so for a while there I wasn't trying that hard either. I'll admit that I was hurt when neither of my two best friends saw me pregnant, but I chalked it up to crazy schedules all around and tried not to let it bother me. And I think that's part of the reason I was so determined to make it down for the shower--I wanted to make the effort because I knew how crappy it was to not have my friends to share the experience with.
In the interim, I've certainly seen my college roommate more. A couple concerts, day trips and dinners here and there have solidified the fact that our friendship is still an important element of my existence. It weathers times of less communication relatively well. She's also been awesome with Jacob.
I know that my friend who just had the baby has a full plate. She has a demanding job and a full personal life. Since meeting her husband she got very involved in his (now their) church, and they're super-involved with the youth group there. Between that and family commitments, they had things going on nearly every weekend, so it was always tough to find one that worked--let alone one that worked with all three of our schedules. In addition, I suppose that Facebook makes it easier to not bother with a big email, since you know and share enough random details that it doesn't seem necessary. It was a gradual change that turned into total lack of communication, and by the time I went to her shower, it didn't exactly feel like I was seeing one of my best friends from college...it was more like hanging out with a good acquaintance. Catching up on three years of stuff was just...odd. It was fine but not nearly as comfortable as it was before. That alone was a bit of a bummer.
In the middle of everything, when I found out she was pregnant via a slightly premature Facebook post by her husband, he ended up de-friending me, and I had no idea why. I asked while I was there for the shower, and the reasoning had something to do with the fact that he posted that status before she was ready to tell people...even though I had already seen it and commented. The whole thing was just weird. Knowing, however, that he posts on Facebook far more than her, I told him that I was going to re-friend him, if only to keep up on baby stuff. Good thing I did, too, because pretty much the day I did it, he posted a picture of their new little boy about an hour after he was born. And he's posted pictures nearly every day since.
The pictures are super cute and I'm so happy for them. But I can't help but feel a little sad. I mean, up until a few years ago, or maybe even the last year, I imagined how great it would be when my friends and I were having kids. I pictured fun visits, holding newborn babies, and even our kids playing together someday when we got together for one event or another. Considering none of us live close I knew that it wouldn't be a frequent thing, but I still envisioned that we'd have plenty of opportunities to enjoy one anothers' brood over the years. I fully expected that I would know my best friends' children, and they would know mine. But so far, that isn't how things are shaping up. And every time I see that sweet little baby, there's a twinge of sadness knowing that I may never know him like that. The way things are going, it's pretty apparent that visits would be few and far between at best. And maybe that should be enough...but I can't help but wish for more.
There's a point in a waning friendship when you wonder if it's worth the work. You wonder if it's better to cut and run and move on, or push through the frustration and perceived rejection in hopes that things will improve down the road if circumstances change. While pretending everything's okay doesn't really appeal to me, neither does giving up on a friendship in which much has been invested. I guess for now I'll continue to enjoy the baby pictures and consider any sadness as further investment in a friendship worth saving. Love at your own risk...
For myself, though...I'm a bit sad. No, not because I want to have another baby. I think it's easy to get jealous of acquaintances and feel a little bummed when you see a pregnant woman you don't know, but when it comes to close friends and family? I think happiness is a far easier emotion to feel. Maybe if this goes on for many more months I'll feel differently, but when you truly care about people, I think you can't help but feel joy for them when they receive such a precious gift.
So why am I sad? Well, it's because we've grown apart. As I alluded to in my baby shower post, we had sort of fallen out of touch for a while. I can't blame it all on her, by any means, but I do think that in the nearly five years that have passed since our college trio last had a fun, non-event-based weekend together, I've been the one trying the hardest to get together again. Then again, I was the one who had a baby first, and the first year or so after Jacob was born was hard--I was nursing, I was tired, I was hesitant to leave him--so for a while there I wasn't trying that hard either. I'll admit that I was hurt when neither of my two best friends saw me pregnant, but I chalked it up to crazy schedules all around and tried not to let it bother me. And I think that's part of the reason I was so determined to make it down for the shower--I wanted to make the effort because I knew how crappy it was to not have my friends to share the experience with.
In the interim, I've certainly seen my college roommate more. A couple concerts, day trips and dinners here and there have solidified the fact that our friendship is still an important element of my existence. It weathers times of less communication relatively well. She's also been awesome with Jacob.
I know that my friend who just had the baby has a full plate. She has a demanding job and a full personal life. Since meeting her husband she got very involved in his (now their) church, and they're super-involved with the youth group there. Between that and family commitments, they had things going on nearly every weekend, so it was always tough to find one that worked--let alone one that worked with all three of our schedules. In addition, I suppose that Facebook makes it easier to not bother with a big email, since you know and share enough random details that it doesn't seem necessary. It was a gradual change that turned into total lack of communication, and by the time I went to her shower, it didn't exactly feel like I was seeing one of my best friends from college...it was more like hanging out with a good acquaintance. Catching up on three years of stuff was just...odd. It was fine but not nearly as comfortable as it was before. That alone was a bit of a bummer.
In the middle of everything, when I found out she was pregnant via a slightly premature Facebook post by her husband, he ended up de-friending me, and I had no idea why. I asked while I was there for the shower, and the reasoning had something to do with the fact that he posted that status before she was ready to tell people...even though I had already seen it and commented. The whole thing was just weird. Knowing, however, that he posts on Facebook far more than her, I told him that I was going to re-friend him, if only to keep up on baby stuff. Good thing I did, too, because pretty much the day I did it, he posted a picture of their new little boy about an hour after he was born. And he's posted pictures nearly every day since.
The pictures are super cute and I'm so happy for them. But I can't help but feel a little sad. I mean, up until a few years ago, or maybe even the last year, I imagined how great it would be when my friends and I were having kids. I pictured fun visits, holding newborn babies, and even our kids playing together someday when we got together for one event or another. Considering none of us live close I knew that it wouldn't be a frequent thing, but I still envisioned that we'd have plenty of opportunities to enjoy one anothers' brood over the years. I fully expected that I would know my best friends' children, and they would know mine. But so far, that isn't how things are shaping up. And every time I see that sweet little baby, there's a twinge of sadness knowing that I may never know him like that. The way things are going, it's pretty apparent that visits would be few and far between at best. And maybe that should be enough...but I can't help but wish for more.
There's a point in a waning friendship when you wonder if it's worth the work. You wonder if it's better to cut and run and move on, or push through the frustration and perceived rejection in hopes that things will improve down the road if circumstances change. While pretending everything's okay doesn't really appeal to me, neither does giving up on a friendship in which much has been invested. I guess for now I'll continue to enjoy the baby pictures and consider any sadness as further investment in a friendship worth saving. Love at your own risk...
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
News & Notes
- We now have a date for the Disney trip, which means we have a self-imposed deadline for one last try before taking a baby-making break. Not that we're even trying in the traditional sense...it's all just a shot in the dark at this point. I haven't seen one positive ovulation test yet. Not that I've been consistent, but I guess things have been that far off. On one hand it seems asinine to let a trip get in the way of creating our second child, but then again, there are a lot of people involved in this trip (eight not counting us) and it's a huge thing for Jacob, so I guess we'll target five years apart instead of three (and then four). I have to do some calculating to see when we can at least try again without risking the trip. That would mean another trip without rides, but I suppose that's among the best case scenarios here, since it means we'd be on our way to another baby. It's bothering me a lot but I'm trying not to worry about it, because that will only make things worse.
- Have I mentioned that Jacob is pretty much potty trained? Day trained, at least. Of course, posting it here means that he will start peeing his pants right about...now. I don't know when it happened, but it just did. He started to be really good about going to the potty without us asking. He'd had very few accidents at daycare. And most importantly, the wet spots on his undies became fewer and smaller. I had long suspected that his bladder just wasn't ready yet, and perhaps now it is. Or maybe it was his brain all along. Either way, things appear to have caught up. He's been dry for naps at home for a while, but night is still going to be a while yet. Still, this has been awesome and I'm so excited he finally gets it. It's like having a real big boy.
- This weekend we're taking Jacob to his first Sabres' game. The Sabres were a huge part of both Craig's and my life growing up (my parents had season tickets, Craig even went to Sabres' hockey school), so it's neat to share that with him. Amerks' games have been old hat his whole life, but Sabres' games are a whole different ballgame. He's already been to the arena for a Bandits-Knighthawks game, but it's exciting to take him there for the sport I know best. It's been far too long since I've been to a game. Craig's been to a couple here and there through work, but I think it's been five or six years since my last one. That seems like so long ago, but I think that's the case. Considering how often I went to games when I was a teenager (thanks to my late Uncle Bink's work connections--it was the best thing ever when my cousin Kim and I could go there by ourselves! Ironically, she works there now!), it's actually a little sad that it's been this long. Hopefully it's a good game and Jacob enjoys himself. We'll see if our connections to players on both teams are able to enhance the experience. There's a chance...
- This coming weekend marks the official end of the off-season. The Knighthawks first game, a road game, is the following weekend, and there are games every weekend from then through the end of April with the exception of one weekend. I know I shouldn't complain because there are about 20 hockey games Craig hasn't had to work this year, but it's never easy when it starts. Jacob and I do fine, but it's always nice having Craig around. One of my favorite bloggers writes about her husband's work trips quite a bit, and she's got three kids (including a newborn) so she's got plenty more to complain about. She always says that the anticipation of the trips is worse than the trips themselves. I think she's probably busy enough to not wallow in self pity once he leaves, but I can relate to the whole anticipation thing. Knowing that you're going solo for a few days, you have time to think about all of the things that can go wrong and worry about how you'd manage if they did. In reality, if something goes wrong, you just deal. It may not be easy, but you do. The bright side is that Jacob loves going to games (and so do I), and it provides some extra incentive for my parents to come visit now and then. We'll miss Craig when he's traveling or working a 14 hour day, though. Speaking of which, he's probably on his way home from Canada right now after a full work day and a trip north for Knighthawks practice. Time to get to bed so I can sleep deeply enough to not wake up when he gets home. I was awake with Jacob at 4:30 this morning (not sure if he really wasn't feeling great or just wanted to play) and I never really went back to sleep after that, so I need to get whatever sleep I can. Getting back to the grind this week has been tough (though routines have their perks), but thank goodness for a four-day week!
- Have I mentioned that Jacob is pretty much potty trained? Day trained, at least. Of course, posting it here means that he will start peeing his pants right about...now. I don't know when it happened, but it just did. He started to be really good about going to the potty without us asking. He'd had very few accidents at daycare. And most importantly, the wet spots on his undies became fewer and smaller. I had long suspected that his bladder just wasn't ready yet, and perhaps now it is. Or maybe it was his brain all along. Either way, things appear to have caught up. He's been dry for naps at home for a while, but night is still going to be a while yet. Still, this has been awesome and I'm so excited he finally gets it. It's like having a real big boy.
- This weekend we're taking Jacob to his first Sabres' game. The Sabres were a huge part of both Craig's and my life growing up (my parents had season tickets, Craig even went to Sabres' hockey school), so it's neat to share that with him. Amerks' games have been old hat his whole life, but Sabres' games are a whole different ballgame. He's already been to the arena for a Bandits-Knighthawks game, but it's exciting to take him there for the sport I know best. It's been far too long since I've been to a game. Craig's been to a couple here and there through work, but I think it's been five or six years since my last one. That seems like so long ago, but I think that's the case. Considering how often I went to games when I was a teenager (thanks to my late Uncle Bink's work connections--it was the best thing ever when my cousin Kim and I could go there by ourselves! Ironically, she works there now!), it's actually a little sad that it's been this long. Hopefully it's a good game and Jacob enjoys himself. We'll see if our connections to players on both teams are able to enhance the experience. There's a chance...
- This coming weekend marks the official end of the off-season. The Knighthawks first game, a road game, is the following weekend, and there are games every weekend from then through the end of April with the exception of one weekend. I know I shouldn't complain because there are about 20 hockey games Craig hasn't had to work this year, but it's never easy when it starts. Jacob and I do fine, but it's always nice having Craig around. One of my favorite bloggers writes about her husband's work trips quite a bit, and she's got three kids (including a newborn) so she's got plenty more to complain about. She always says that the anticipation of the trips is worse than the trips themselves. I think she's probably busy enough to not wallow in self pity once he leaves, but I can relate to the whole anticipation thing. Knowing that you're going solo for a few days, you have time to think about all of the things that can go wrong and worry about how you'd manage if they did. In reality, if something goes wrong, you just deal. It may not be easy, but you do. The bright side is that Jacob loves going to games (and so do I), and it provides some extra incentive for my parents to come visit now and then. We'll miss Craig when he's traveling or working a 14 hour day, though. Speaking of which, he's probably on his way home from Canada right now after a full work day and a trip north for Knighthawks practice. Time to get to bed so I can sleep deeply enough to not wake up when he gets home. I was awake with Jacob at 4:30 this morning (not sure if he really wasn't feeling great or just wanted to play) and I never really went back to sleep after that, so I need to get whatever sleep I can. Getting back to the grind this week has been tough (though routines have their perks), but thank goodness for a four-day week!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Nothing like the real thing...
If there's one thing that I learned this week, it's the value of doing things the right way...you know, the old fashioned way. In this era of shortcuts and any attempt to make life easier, it's easy to forget that there's still same value to the way it used to be done.
Case in point, my kitchen floor. Friday afternoon while Jacob was napping and Craig was working, I did some housecleaning. I vacuumed the kitchen floor and brought out the Swiffer Wet Jet to clean up the non-vacuumable messes. Our kitchen floor is a light gray linoleum that's made to look sort of like stone. There's a definite texture to it, with small nooks and crannies, and each tile is made to look different. Over the 20 or so months that we've lived here, I'm ashamed to say I've never gotten on hands and knees to scrub it. In the five years we lived in our other house, I probably only did it a handful of times there--more often once Jacob was crawling than early on in our time there. However, that floor got visibly dirty more often because it was where we entered the house. Salt, mud, and the design of the tiles all made it much easier to see the dirt. Well, here the kitchen is only used as a kitchen, not a pass-through, and the Swiffer Wet Jet seemed to be doing the job. The pad was dirty every time I cleaned and the visible spills were cleaned up. I noticed in some spots the nooks and crannies were a little darker than others, but no matter what I did with the Swiffer, the spots didn't seem to change...and I never got around to trying anything else. Well, Friday when I was cleaning up a stubborn mark on the floor, I used a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, and oops...the haze on the floor and the dark spots cleaned right off. Crap. Turns out the floor was filthy and every single one of those dark areas cleaned up. Mom FAIL right there. So, I put away the Wet Jet, filled a bucket with water and Mr. Clean, and started scrubbing the floor with a good, old-fashioned scrub brush. I'd scrub the dirt up, use a sponge to soak up the dirty water, and do one last rubdown with a towel to speed drying. It took a while, but man, was it worth it. The floor now looks more white than gray, and the dark spots are gone. And now I know. I either need to find a new day-to-day cleaning method, or I need to commit to scrubbing it more often. And it apparently can't be a modern shortcut, because that just didn't cut it.
Same goes for quality time with Jacob. In this age of countless toys and ever-present technology, nothing really gets the job done quite like sitting down and spending good, quality time with him. He's a great solo player, and it's easy to just let him go to it. Interestingly, electronic toys have never really grasped his attention. It took a long time before he really noticed the TV, and even now that he loves movies, he never really sits and focuses on them for long. Many of the toys he got for his first birthday and Christmas involved batteries, and only a couple of them were ever really big hits with him. In fact, I just took most of them down to the basement to make room for his new toys, and I had to take batteries out of most of them. I think I could count on one hand the toys he plays with now that involve any meaningful battery use. The toys he loves most are his hockey guys, baseball guys, and most recently his new Batcave and Daddy's old Legos. Good, old-fashioned action figures and imagination all around. While it warms my heart to see that, it's still pretty apparent that Jacob thrives off one-on-one attention. Nothing beats it. The Play-Doh and coloring book time we spent last week brought out a great side of him, and over the weekend he and Craig had great times in the basement playing with Craig's Legos. Jacob was such a good boy for all of it. It might also explain why he's such a good boy when we visit my parents--because with at least three adults around, there's always someone to keep him company. So while technology and an everlasting supply of toys may help keep him occupied, nothing replaces one-on-one time.
I'm definitely grateful for modern conveniences and all (hello, I'm blogging for goodness sakes!), and there are plenty of instances where older isn't better. Cars beat horses and washing machines beat a rock. But some things just can't be replaced. Sometimes when things just aren't working like they should, it's probably a good idea to take a step back, think about how it may have been done way back when, and see if any old school methods might work. I used to bemoan the arrival of the video scoreboard to sporting events, because it seemed like they always lulled the audience into a stupor that they only emerged from when the scoreboard told them to "Make Noise!" Gone were the days when music or a good PA announcer could pump up the crowd better than anything. I think many things in life are much the same--we're so tuned into the easy way that it's hard to see past to what might be a better way. Maybe this is a flawed concept as I can't think of another prime example right now, but it just struck me that sometimes the better way might be easier than it seems.
Case in point, my kitchen floor. Friday afternoon while Jacob was napping and Craig was working, I did some housecleaning. I vacuumed the kitchen floor and brought out the Swiffer Wet Jet to clean up the non-vacuumable messes. Our kitchen floor is a light gray linoleum that's made to look sort of like stone. There's a definite texture to it, with small nooks and crannies, and each tile is made to look different. Over the 20 or so months that we've lived here, I'm ashamed to say I've never gotten on hands and knees to scrub it. In the five years we lived in our other house, I probably only did it a handful of times there--more often once Jacob was crawling than early on in our time there. However, that floor got visibly dirty more often because it was where we entered the house. Salt, mud, and the design of the tiles all made it much easier to see the dirt. Well, here the kitchen is only used as a kitchen, not a pass-through, and the Swiffer Wet Jet seemed to be doing the job. The pad was dirty every time I cleaned and the visible spills were cleaned up. I noticed in some spots the nooks and crannies were a little darker than others, but no matter what I did with the Swiffer, the spots didn't seem to change...and I never got around to trying anything else. Well, Friday when I was cleaning up a stubborn mark on the floor, I used a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, and oops...the haze on the floor and the dark spots cleaned right off. Crap. Turns out the floor was filthy and every single one of those dark areas cleaned up. Mom FAIL right there. So, I put away the Wet Jet, filled a bucket with water and Mr. Clean, and started scrubbing the floor with a good, old-fashioned scrub brush. I'd scrub the dirt up, use a sponge to soak up the dirty water, and do one last rubdown with a towel to speed drying. It took a while, but man, was it worth it. The floor now looks more white than gray, and the dark spots are gone. And now I know. I either need to find a new day-to-day cleaning method, or I need to commit to scrubbing it more often. And it apparently can't be a modern shortcut, because that just didn't cut it.
Same goes for quality time with Jacob. In this age of countless toys and ever-present technology, nothing really gets the job done quite like sitting down and spending good, quality time with him. He's a great solo player, and it's easy to just let him go to it. Interestingly, electronic toys have never really grasped his attention. It took a long time before he really noticed the TV, and even now that he loves movies, he never really sits and focuses on them for long. Many of the toys he got for his first birthday and Christmas involved batteries, and only a couple of them were ever really big hits with him. In fact, I just took most of them down to the basement to make room for his new toys, and I had to take batteries out of most of them. I think I could count on one hand the toys he plays with now that involve any meaningful battery use. The toys he loves most are his hockey guys, baseball guys, and most recently his new Batcave and Daddy's old Legos. Good, old-fashioned action figures and imagination all around. While it warms my heart to see that, it's still pretty apparent that Jacob thrives off one-on-one attention. Nothing beats it. The Play-Doh and coloring book time we spent last week brought out a great side of him, and over the weekend he and Craig had great times in the basement playing with Craig's Legos. Jacob was such a good boy for all of it. It might also explain why he's such a good boy when we visit my parents--because with at least three adults around, there's always someone to keep him company. So while technology and an everlasting supply of toys may help keep him occupied, nothing replaces one-on-one time.
I'm definitely grateful for modern conveniences and all (hello, I'm blogging for goodness sakes!), and there are plenty of instances where older isn't better. Cars beat horses and washing machines beat a rock. But some things just can't be replaced. Sometimes when things just aren't working like they should, it's probably a good idea to take a step back, think about how it may have been done way back when, and see if any old school methods might work. I used to bemoan the arrival of the video scoreboard to sporting events, because it seemed like they always lulled the audience into a stupor that they only emerged from when the scoreboard told them to "Make Noise!" Gone were the days when music or a good PA announcer could pump up the crowd better than anything. I think many things in life are much the same--we're so tuned into the easy way that it's hard to see past to what might be a better way. Maybe this is a flawed concept as I can't think of another prime example right now, but it just struck me that sometimes the better way might be easier than it seems.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year!
And so another year begins...and while it barely seems possible, this is the sixth year in which I will have blog posts! I started late in 2007, and now here we are in 2012! Last night Jacob tried to stay up until midnight. Craig had been telling him they could camp in the basement sometime, and I guess last night was the night. We hung out in the basement (home of our own personal "Legoland", where the boys have been building quite the little town) and watched a movie. I spent part of the movie attempting to Skype with both my brother and my parents. There were some odd issues on both counts, though my brother's iPhone saved the day! I rejoined the boys in time to catch the end of the movie, but then Jacob had a couple rough spells, and it became apparent by about 11:30 that he was way overtired, so he was in bed by 11:40. We watched the last few minutes of our movie, then turned the TV to New Year's Rockin' Eve to catch the annual painful countdown from Dick Clark (poor guy). We watched some of the post-midnight festivities before heading to bed ourselves. The good news is that Jacob slept until about 9:30 this morning.
We headed to church to start out the year right, and then came home for a relatively lazy day. I did do some laundry and some cooking, but other than that...not much. Jacob was a little on the obnoxious side today--mostly just having some attitude and pushing buttons on purpose--which I'm sure is a direct side effect of the late night, even if he did sleep late enough to compensate. Being off-schedule definitely has its own issues.
I'm thanking my lucky stars that I have off tomorrow, if only because it's supposed to snow and I don't really feel like dealing with both a day of work and a snowy commute on the same day, first day back. Jacob's daycare is closed and I managed to carry over one vacation day to cover it. That means I'll come back behind after the extra day off, which sort of stinks, but I don't have the same anxiety about that as I do when thinking about how I'd feel going back tomorrow. It's been a long break, which has been amazing...10-1/2 days away. Heavenly. It'll be hard to go back, but I suppose that I'll be busy enough to distract myself.
Anyway, a new year is upon us. I'm not quite sure what to expect this year, but I'm hopeful. The whole baby-making thing is getting increasingly complicated. My cycle still isn't on track, and now we have our big Disney trip in the fall, which is freaking me out a bit. I mean, I totally can't wait to go, mostly because I can't wait to see Jacob's face. However, there are a couple scenarios in which I may not be able to go at all, which would kill me. Best case scenario at this point is that I get pregnant very soon and we have a couple-month-old baby by the time we go. If I don't get pregnant for a while, I could end up doing exactly what I said I never wanted to do again--go to Disney while pregnant. I don't know how I'll survive walking past all the fun rides again. But that's still a far better scenario than a) being too pregnant to fly; or b) having a brand new baby and it not being safe or comfortable for either of us to travel and/or spend a week walking around amusement parks. This is all assuming I get pregnant, of course. The ever-widening gap between kids is starting to freak me out a bit, and the longer it goes, the harder it might be to even get pregnant. Fortunately I have an appointment with my doctor next week (scheduled annual visit), so at least I can talk through some of this stuff and get feedback. They usually don't do much on the infertility front until you've been trying for a year, but considering we can barely try at this point, I don't know what their response will be to that.
I'll admit that there are times when all of this drives me nuts. At the same time, there are moments where I have some peace with the whole thing, like it'll happen at some point and God's got better plans than I could ever have. Deep down I know that, but my own internal planning is hard to ignore sometimes. Particularly now that the Disney thing is a newly imposed "deadline" of sorts that we need to work around. I told Craig that if things don't work out in the next couple months, we'll have to take a break to strategically avoid the two scenarios above that would prevent me from going altogether. It would KILL me to know the boys are there and Jacob's getting his first taste of Disney without me being there to see it. But this is obviously a very special, very generous gift from Craig's parents, and it's not like we can dictate how it should go or turn it down. And under all other circumstances, we never would. It may all be a moot point (let's hope), but it's certainly in the back of my mind for now.
We headed to church to start out the year right, and then came home for a relatively lazy day. I did do some laundry and some cooking, but other than that...not much. Jacob was a little on the obnoxious side today--mostly just having some attitude and pushing buttons on purpose--which I'm sure is a direct side effect of the late night, even if he did sleep late enough to compensate. Being off-schedule definitely has its own issues.
I'm thanking my lucky stars that I have off tomorrow, if only because it's supposed to snow and I don't really feel like dealing with both a day of work and a snowy commute on the same day, first day back. Jacob's daycare is closed and I managed to carry over one vacation day to cover it. That means I'll come back behind after the extra day off, which sort of stinks, but I don't have the same anxiety about that as I do when thinking about how I'd feel going back tomorrow. It's been a long break, which has been amazing...10-1/2 days away. Heavenly. It'll be hard to go back, but I suppose that I'll be busy enough to distract myself.
Anyway, a new year is upon us. I'm not quite sure what to expect this year, but I'm hopeful. The whole baby-making thing is getting increasingly complicated. My cycle still isn't on track, and now we have our big Disney trip in the fall, which is freaking me out a bit. I mean, I totally can't wait to go, mostly because I can't wait to see Jacob's face. However, there are a couple scenarios in which I may not be able to go at all, which would kill me. Best case scenario at this point is that I get pregnant very soon and we have a couple-month-old baby by the time we go. If I don't get pregnant for a while, I could end up doing exactly what I said I never wanted to do again--go to Disney while pregnant. I don't know how I'll survive walking past all the fun rides again. But that's still a far better scenario than a) being too pregnant to fly; or b) having a brand new baby and it not being safe or comfortable for either of us to travel and/or spend a week walking around amusement parks. This is all assuming I get pregnant, of course. The ever-widening gap between kids is starting to freak me out a bit, and the longer it goes, the harder it might be to even get pregnant. Fortunately I have an appointment with my doctor next week (scheduled annual visit), so at least I can talk through some of this stuff and get feedback. They usually don't do much on the infertility front until you've been trying for a year, but considering we can barely try at this point, I don't know what their response will be to that.
I'll admit that there are times when all of this drives me nuts. At the same time, there are moments where I have some peace with the whole thing, like it'll happen at some point and God's got better plans than I could ever have. Deep down I know that, but my own internal planning is hard to ignore sometimes. Particularly now that the Disney thing is a newly imposed "deadline" of sorts that we need to work around. I told Craig that if things don't work out in the next couple months, we'll have to take a break to strategically avoid the two scenarios above that would prevent me from going altogether. It would KILL me to know the boys are there and Jacob's getting his first taste of Disney without me being there to see it. But this is obviously a very special, very generous gift from Craig's parents, and it's not like we can dictate how it should go or turn it down. And under all other circumstances, we never would. It may all be a moot point (let's hope), but it's certainly in the back of my mind for now.
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