Why is it that whenever I try to get Jacob to roll over when we're playing, he won't, and when I don't want him to--when he's in his crib--he does? The second we put him in his crib, particularly when he's upset, he flips himself over. He did it a number of times last night, and it's making us nuts. It took some good sucks on a pacifier last night to get him to settle down (my absolute last resort--I figured it was worth a try when he tried sucking my face, then my fingers when I was checking him for teeth!), and even then the best we could get was him sleeping on his side. By 5am he was over a little further, and by 6:30 he was all the way over on his belly. As if the fear of SIDS wasn't enough when we were doing everything right, now it's going to make me crazy because Jacob just won't stay put and inevitably ends up with his head right up against a side of the crib in some sort of contorted position. Even the other night, when he went down without a fight and slept through the night without much more than a peep, he was still in a weird position when I went in to get him.
I don't know if he's figured out he's more mobile than he thought and wants to keep exploring that, or if there is something physical that's bothering him and it's making him want to move. It's just so odd how sometimes he just won't go into his crib and fusses like crazy whenever we try to put him in it, no matter how long we've been holding him or how sleepy he is. But then again, some nights he's fine. I know being overtired can contribute to bad sleeptime behaviors, but unfortunately, we only have so much control over that since we're not with him all day. Maybe it's gas?
He's still not that controlled with his movements, obviously, and my fear is that he's going to work himself into a corner and be unable to get his head into a good position for breathing. I hope he's with it enough to know to cry if he's uncomfortable like that or is having trouble breathing. And I hope I'm with it enough at that time of night to remember that he's gotten into these bad habits and I need to go check on him. I have been placing him further down in the crib and further over to give him more room to move, in hopes he just won't get far enough to get stuck somewhere....to no avail.
I know that kids slept on their bellies for ages with minimal issues, but I just don't want Jacob to be the exception. I don't even want to take the chance. It's agony to even think about it. He's got a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I will be interested to see if they have any suggestions. I have a handful of other questions on the agenda so far, from his bedtime issues to whether or not he needs a Vitamin D supplement (per things I've been reading and a story in the paper recently). I'm also going to check in about his cough (better, I think, but he's still got it), and ask about flu shots. He can't get one until he's six months, but I'm guessing it would be a good idea for Craig and me to get them...as long as it's ok when breastfeeding. On the bright side, we'll get another weight check and length check, I assume, and will see where Jacob falls on those percentile charts. My guess is he'll be about on track for weight (if not a bit light--tiny waist on that kid, based on the fit of his pants) and a little longer than average. Should be interesting. I'm off for an evening alone with Jacob while Craig goes to a dinner in Canada for work. Let's hope he's on his best behavior or it could be a long night!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Hmmm....
Over the weekend on our date night, I was debating whether or not I should have a second beer. I was free from nursing for at least another few hours and thought I'd just try to relax and feel like my old self a bit while I could. Beer was never my drink of choice, but it was there and it was easy. While I was debating with myself, a woman that I've known for a while came over to the fridge. While the conversation that followed didn't surprise me, it made me shake my head a bit regardless. I explained my dilemma and she basically said, "Ugh, breastfeeding...I never even bothered with that. [Drinking] was the first thing I did after I had my baby. I wanted my body back!"
While I understand what she was talking about, and have even felt like that periodically, the whole thing couldn't help but bug me. Maybe it was just the tone of her voice, how flippant she seemed about it all. On the surface, it just struck me within the same vein as my beef with all of the other anti-breastfeeders out there. I know it's not for everyone, but I've long felt like every woman owes it to their baby to give it a shot. It's good for the baby, and despite some early frustrations, it can also be good for the mother. It's a new thing for every new mother and every baby, so it's going to take some getting used to. While I get that it's not the most comfortable thing sometimes (be it due to physical difficulties like engorgement or mental blocks about the ickiness of breastfeeding (for lack of a better term)), I still think it's worth a shot. You never know if you'll end up liking it, even if it's merely only tolerable for the sake of convenience or financial savings. So while I get that some women have legitimate concerns about breastfeeding, I still feel like it's worth trying. After nine months of discomfort, what's a little more if it means your baby will get a little extra nutritional boost?
The more I thought about the statement, though, the more it struck me as sad. I mean, isn't having a baby all about giving of yourself for this new little life? Pregnancy isn't easy, and I've even said before that I'm in no rush to do it again because I'd like to have my body be my own again for a while. It's a scary thing to always worry about what you're putting into your body because of what it might do to your unborn child. Nursing does continue that trend, though there are small differences here and there (like being able to work a drink or two into the mix without much risk to the baby). But I've decided that the drawbacks aren't strong enough to make me want to give it up anytime soon.
But what really struck me about this whole thing is that once you have a child, your body is NEVER really 100% your own again. From a stubborn little potbelly to the perpetual drool on your shoulder, from thinking about your baby 24/7 to having your heart practically hardwired to your child, your life is never just your own again. Between some random thinking the other day and the concert the other night, I was a little sad to realize that no vacation or shorter activity apart from Jacob (or any future children) will be quite as purely enjoyable as it was before kids, because part of me will always be somewhere else, thinking about him, wondering what he's doing, feeling a tad guilty for not being there with him, etc. I know that stuff is necessary for my sanity, but still. Worrying about that little fetus on our trip to Florida last December seems to pale in comparison to the emotions I'll feel on our next husband-wife vacation, whenever that finally happens.
Being a parent isn't for the selfish. If alcohol was such a tough thing to give up for this person, it makes me wonder what other sacrifices she's begrudgingly made (or not). I don't want any non-breastfeeders out there to take offense at this post, but I guess as a whole I just felt like she was so dismissive of the concept, despite the good it could have done for her child, and it just seemed like it might be a smaller symptom of a larger issue. It just bugged me. Anyway...enough about that.
Side note after a long bedtime fight last night: I've decided that the moment your baby finally closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep is much like the moment the sun goes below the horizon. Your baby's eyes close ever so slowly, and in an instant you can tell when they're really asleep, whether it's because they go limp, their mouth hangs open, or you can just feel a peace about them. Like the bright sun disappears below the horizon, your baby drifts off to sleep. The day's excitement is over and there's a serene beauty that follows...whether it's the fantastic post-sunset color palette (lovely last night as well) or the sweetness of a sleeping baby. Jacob fought us for a good half hour or more (which he did most of the day when it came to sleep) and after sitting quietly for a while I got up to put him down. He stirred a bit and whined a little when I put him in his crib, but as he turned on his side like he usually does when he fusses, he just...stopped. His face relaxed and he quieted down, fast asleep. Ahhh....peace. Now if only he would have stayed asleep until 6am and stayed in one spot...ugh.
While I understand what she was talking about, and have even felt like that periodically, the whole thing couldn't help but bug me. Maybe it was just the tone of her voice, how flippant she seemed about it all. On the surface, it just struck me within the same vein as my beef with all of the other anti-breastfeeders out there. I know it's not for everyone, but I've long felt like every woman owes it to their baby to give it a shot. It's good for the baby, and despite some early frustrations, it can also be good for the mother. It's a new thing for every new mother and every baby, so it's going to take some getting used to. While I get that it's not the most comfortable thing sometimes (be it due to physical difficulties like engorgement or mental blocks about the ickiness of breastfeeding (for lack of a better term)), I still think it's worth a shot. You never know if you'll end up liking it, even if it's merely only tolerable for the sake of convenience or financial savings. So while I get that some women have legitimate concerns about breastfeeding, I still feel like it's worth trying. After nine months of discomfort, what's a little more if it means your baby will get a little extra nutritional boost?
The more I thought about the statement, though, the more it struck me as sad. I mean, isn't having a baby all about giving of yourself for this new little life? Pregnancy isn't easy, and I've even said before that I'm in no rush to do it again because I'd like to have my body be my own again for a while. It's a scary thing to always worry about what you're putting into your body because of what it might do to your unborn child. Nursing does continue that trend, though there are small differences here and there (like being able to work a drink or two into the mix without much risk to the baby). But I've decided that the drawbacks aren't strong enough to make me want to give it up anytime soon.
But what really struck me about this whole thing is that once you have a child, your body is NEVER really 100% your own again. From a stubborn little potbelly to the perpetual drool on your shoulder, from thinking about your baby 24/7 to having your heart practically hardwired to your child, your life is never just your own again. Between some random thinking the other day and the concert the other night, I was a little sad to realize that no vacation or shorter activity apart from Jacob (or any future children) will be quite as purely enjoyable as it was before kids, because part of me will always be somewhere else, thinking about him, wondering what he's doing, feeling a tad guilty for not being there with him, etc. I know that stuff is necessary for my sanity, but still. Worrying about that little fetus on our trip to Florida last December seems to pale in comparison to the emotions I'll feel on our next husband-wife vacation, whenever that finally happens.
Being a parent isn't for the selfish. If alcohol was such a tough thing to give up for this person, it makes me wonder what other sacrifices she's begrudgingly made (or not). I don't want any non-breastfeeders out there to take offense at this post, but I guess as a whole I just felt like she was so dismissive of the concept, despite the good it could have done for her child, and it just seemed like it might be a smaller symptom of a larger issue. It just bugged me. Anyway...enough about that.
Side note after a long bedtime fight last night: I've decided that the moment your baby finally closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep is much like the moment the sun goes below the horizon. Your baby's eyes close ever so slowly, and in an instant you can tell when they're really asleep, whether it's because they go limp, their mouth hangs open, or you can just feel a peace about them. Like the bright sun disappears below the horizon, your baby drifts off to sleep. The day's excitement is over and there's a serene beauty that follows...whether it's the fantastic post-sunset color palette (lovely last night as well) or the sweetness of a sleeping baby. Jacob fought us for a good half hour or more (which he did most of the day when it came to sleep) and after sitting quietly for a while I got up to put him down. He stirred a bit and whined a little when I put him in his crib, but as he turned on his side like he usually does when he fusses, he just...stopped. His face relaxed and he quieted down, fast asleep. Ahhh....peace. Now if only he would have stayed asleep until 6am and stayed in one spot...ugh.
Four Months
Jacob is four months today. He celebrated that by waking up right around the time he was born (about 3am) screaming and hungry. Hmmm. That after a tough time getting him down for the night...about an hour long process, at least. This morning when I went in to get him, he was sleeping with his head tucked in the back corner of the crib, nearly face down between the mattress and the bumper.
The good news:
- Jacob officially rolled over from his back to his front.
- He's obviously quite mobile now, since he turned himself about 90 degrees and moved up about two feet to get himself in that position.
- We have breathable bumpers.
The bad news:
- The fact he can roll over and plant himself face down in his crib is going to make me a nervous wreck.
More later...
The good news:
- Jacob officially rolled over from his back to his front.
- He's obviously quite mobile now, since he turned himself about 90 degrees and moved up about two feet to get himself in that position.
- We have breathable bumpers.
The bad news:
- The fact he can roll over and plant himself face down in his crib is going to make me a nervous wreck.
More later...
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Date Night
Tonight Craig and I had our first real date night. The only other time we'd left Jacob with a baby sitter to spend time together was when I was in Lois' wedding and we took my cousin Lori with us for the weekend. Tonight Craig had a work function, going to see Sugarland and Kellie Pickler (of American Idol fame) in concert. Lori and my Aunt Lynne tag teamed the baby sitting, with one taking the early shift and one the late shift. Thank goodness for local family, because I don't know or think I could trust some teenage girl from the neighborhood. Since we leave Jacob at day care all day, a baby sitter (particularly family) probably isn't that much traumatic, except that it's in your own house so ultimately you're responsible for the rules. It was a bit of a rush to get home from work, pump, get a bunch of notes together about where things are, what to do if he freaks out, etc., get ready, and get out the door. We finally did it (albeit 15 minutes late), and ended up having a really good time at the concert. We ate too much, drank a bit (two beers...hours ago, so the pumping I just did (desperately needed) should be a-ok), and hung out. It was nice to just be out as a couple again.
However, I REALLY missed Jacob. I thought about him all night, texted Lori a few times to check in, looked at his picture on my phone, talked about him a bit, and just generally missed him like crazy. I think under normal circumstances an evening away would be fine. It's just that when I haven't seen him all day, missing an evening with him is tough. Every day I wait to get out of work so I can go home and see him, and today I got about 30 seconds of quality time among my rushing around after work. I went in to kiss him good night when we got home, but I didn't want to linger too long or caress him too much for fear I'd wake him up. I couldn't help but laugh, though, that his hand was somehow up in the air from the elbow up. Who sleeps like that?
It makes me wonder if we're ever going to be able to take a romantic vacation alone without our minds constantly drifting back to Jacob. It's hard enough getting over the fear of leaving him in someone else's care for an extended period of time...worried about him getting cared for as you would do it, hoping he doesn't forget you or resent you...but the emotions involved in not being involved in his life every moment make stuff like this tough. Tonight was probably the first night since the hospital where I haven't put him to bed. I think even with the wedding he was up for a late feeding when we got back.
I guess I didn't anticipate missing him that much, but I really did. The good news is that I have two full days with him coming up. Of course, I will have to share him on Sunday since my parents and a bunch of family members are in town for our family Oktoberfest, but we should still get a significant amount of time together. I can't wait. But first I need a good night's sleep...apparently you can get out of practice of being out late. I am beat!
Have a nice weekend!
However, I REALLY missed Jacob. I thought about him all night, texted Lori a few times to check in, looked at his picture on my phone, talked about him a bit, and just generally missed him like crazy. I think under normal circumstances an evening away would be fine. It's just that when I haven't seen him all day, missing an evening with him is tough. Every day I wait to get out of work so I can go home and see him, and today I got about 30 seconds of quality time among my rushing around after work. I went in to kiss him good night when we got home, but I didn't want to linger too long or caress him too much for fear I'd wake him up. I couldn't help but laugh, though, that his hand was somehow up in the air from the elbow up. Who sleeps like that?
It makes me wonder if we're ever going to be able to take a romantic vacation alone without our minds constantly drifting back to Jacob. It's hard enough getting over the fear of leaving him in someone else's care for an extended period of time...worried about him getting cared for as you would do it, hoping he doesn't forget you or resent you...but the emotions involved in not being involved in his life every moment make stuff like this tough. Tonight was probably the first night since the hospital where I haven't put him to bed. I think even with the wedding he was up for a late feeding when we got back.
I guess I didn't anticipate missing him that much, but I really did. The good news is that I have two full days with him coming up. Of course, I will have to share him on Sunday since my parents and a bunch of family members are in town for our family Oktoberfest, but we should still get a significant amount of time together. I can't wait. But first I need a good night's sleep...apparently you can get out of practice of being out late. I am beat!
Have a nice weekend!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
New Things
Jacob has picked up some new habits in the last few days. I'm sure I'll be saying that pretty much every week at one point or another for months and months to come, but it's just amazing to see him pick up new abilities out of the blue.
A few days ago I caught him craning his neck trying to see out of his carrier. It's now a full body craning, which Craig refers to as Jacob working his abs :) I think it's more of a curiosity thing than him wanting to actually get out of the carrier, but I'm sure that's not that far down the road. For now he's still pretty content in there unless he's cranky and wanting some attention.
Last night we noticed Jacob actually grabbing for the toys on his baby gym. He'd swatted at them a bunch before, and seemed to get more coordinated in that effort in the last few weeks, but last night he was actually grabbing things and holding them for a bit. He even got the music to play once (you have to push a big orange button on one of the fish toys) and Craig swears that Jacob did it on purpose, actually holding it and pressing the button.
Last night he was also talking up a storm! His noises have been getting cuter and more frequent in the past few weeks, but last night a couple times he got really vocal and was making a wide variety of noises for a significant period of time. They were hilarious! It was almost as if he knew exactly what he was saying and was trying to have a normal conversation with us...complete with intonation, facial expressions and a variety of sounds. It was so funny and extra adorable since he was smiling and bright-eyed for the whole "conversation".
One of my least favorite new habits has to do with this whole rolling over thing. When he's in his crib he tends to roll on his side a lot and he sometimes buries his face in the mattress. I'm not sure what purpose the face burying serves for him (maybe he thinks it'll feed him?), but it makes me incredibly nervous. I just don't want him rolling, getting stuck, and inadvertently blocking his airways. I usually listen to the monitor like a hawk when he's falling asleep, in case any of his noises sound panicked or muffled. Chances are he'll be fine, but it scares the crap out of me.
Jacob is back to waking up fairly early (if not in the middle of the night--though this morning he did make it to 6am). I think now it's basically the result of his cough waking him up and while he's awake he decides he's hungry. In case I hadn't mentioned it yet, we just have to wait this cough out. It usually takes a while to go away after bronchiolitis, unfortunately. It pains me all night every time I hear him cough...both because I hate to hear him have to go through that and because I'm worried he's going to start crying and one of us (or both) will have to get up...and man, I'm tired these days as it is! At least he's going to sleep happier these days...and I know he can't help it at this point when he does wake up. I just worry about when we have to draw the line and let him cry it out so he doesn't get in the habit of getting fed in the middle of night. Tough call.
Still, he's such an awesome kid and I can't help but smile every time I think about him. We are truly blessed.
A few days ago I caught him craning his neck trying to see out of his carrier. It's now a full body craning, which Craig refers to as Jacob working his abs :) I think it's more of a curiosity thing than him wanting to actually get out of the carrier, but I'm sure that's not that far down the road. For now he's still pretty content in there unless he's cranky and wanting some attention.
Last night we noticed Jacob actually grabbing for the toys on his baby gym. He'd swatted at them a bunch before, and seemed to get more coordinated in that effort in the last few weeks, but last night he was actually grabbing things and holding them for a bit. He even got the music to play once (you have to push a big orange button on one of the fish toys) and Craig swears that Jacob did it on purpose, actually holding it and pressing the button.
Last night he was also talking up a storm! His noises have been getting cuter and more frequent in the past few weeks, but last night a couple times he got really vocal and was making a wide variety of noises for a significant period of time. They were hilarious! It was almost as if he knew exactly what he was saying and was trying to have a normal conversation with us...complete with intonation, facial expressions and a variety of sounds. It was so funny and extra adorable since he was smiling and bright-eyed for the whole "conversation".
One of my least favorite new habits has to do with this whole rolling over thing. When he's in his crib he tends to roll on his side a lot and he sometimes buries his face in the mattress. I'm not sure what purpose the face burying serves for him (maybe he thinks it'll feed him?), but it makes me incredibly nervous. I just don't want him rolling, getting stuck, and inadvertently blocking his airways. I usually listen to the monitor like a hawk when he's falling asleep, in case any of his noises sound panicked or muffled. Chances are he'll be fine, but it scares the crap out of me.
Jacob is back to waking up fairly early (if not in the middle of the night--though this morning he did make it to 6am). I think now it's basically the result of his cough waking him up and while he's awake he decides he's hungry. In case I hadn't mentioned it yet, we just have to wait this cough out. It usually takes a while to go away after bronchiolitis, unfortunately. It pains me all night every time I hear him cough...both because I hate to hear him have to go through that and because I'm worried he's going to start crying and one of us (or both) will have to get up...and man, I'm tired these days as it is! At least he's going to sleep happier these days...and I know he can't help it at this point when he does wake up. I just worry about when we have to draw the line and let him cry it out so he doesn't get in the habit of getting fed in the middle of night. Tough call.
Still, he's such an awesome kid and I can't help but smile every time I think about him. We are truly blessed.
Monday, October 13, 2008
One more thing...
I forgot to add to my "Things that occurred to me over the weekend" list that I gained even more of an understanding as to why moms let themselves go. I already understood the time thing, that women don't always have time (or want to take the time) to work out. I definitely see myself wanting to run home more often to see Jacob than wanting to run off to the gym. I have to force myself to go, and that's why I'm only going once a week...but at least I'm still going. But anyway, the realization this weekend came when I was planning on running to the mall on Sunday afternoon. By the time I was ready to go, I realized Jacob would be hungry again soon and really needed to take a nap as well. I figured I'd give it some time and see if I could go again later. Alas, I was really tired and ended up taking a nap myself. By the time we would have been ready to go again, it was close to closing time for the mall and I just wasn't in the mood anyway. My thinking for women as a whole is that it takes too much coordinating to get to the mall to shop...between feeling like going, getting kids in the right frame of mind to shop, and getting far enough down the priority list that you have the time to do it. It's just not worth the effort sometimes, and if that feeling continues over a number of years, suddenly the mom hasn't been shopping in years and she's let herself go. This is a really simplistic way of looking at it, but it was just how I felt this weekend. I'll get shopping one of these days...I hope.
Things that occurred to me over the weekend...
Things that occurred to me over the weekend:
1) I was probably pregnant about this time last year. Though we never did exactly pinpoint when it all happened last year, it was somewhere in the first couple weeks of October, I guess. I still think it happened the weekend before I went to the doctor to see what was up...and that I hadn't been pregnant long enough by that Monday for the pregnancy test to come back positive. I think if I were pregnant any longer, though, it would have shown up. So yeah, funny to think that all of this started a year ago, and I didn't even know it. And I wouldn't know it for another month!
2) I have moved into a new phase of parenthood where I actually have some experience. I can talk to more experienced parents with some degree of knowledge, and might actually have some wisdom to impart to more recent members of the parent club. Yesterday I saw a new mom at church putting formula into a bottle from a baggie. I have my handy dandy sectioned formula dispenser that works pretty well. It has three sections that you can premeasure powder into, then just dump into the bottle. Seemed a lot easier than a baggie, and it was only a few bucks. I would have mentioned it to that couple if I would have had the chance (they skipped out early). Then last night at Wal-Mart the clerk asked me how old Jacob was. He said that he's got one that's five weeks, and I groaned a bit thinking back to the sleep deprivation. We chatted about that for a few seconds, and it felt funny to be past that part of this whole experience, but it was pretty cool.
3) I said it in yesterday's post, but I'll repeat it again...there is nothing better than having your baby look at you like you're the coolest and most entertaining person ever. When Jacob flashes me the biggest smile for no apparent reason, it automatically makes me smile back. I can't even describe it. He just completely cracks me up.
4) I sort of knew this already but I confirmed it pretty soundly this weekend--this frog toy that Jacob has on his carrier makes him stop crying. When he's screaming in the back of the car and there's nothing I can do about it, I reach back and try to make the frog toy ribbit...and sure enough, it makes Jacob stop crying...at least momentarily. That thing is magic.
I'm sure there's more, because weekends with Jacob tend to be pretty thought-provoking, but that's all I can muster for now. Happy Monday!
1) I was probably pregnant about this time last year. Though we never did exactly pinpoint when it all happened last year, it was somewhere in the first couple weeks of October, I guess. I still think it happened the weekend before I went to the doctor to see what was up...and that I hadn't been pregnant long enough by that Monday for the pregnancy test to come back positive. I think if I were pregnant any longer, though, it would have shown up. So yeah, funny to think that all of this started a year ago, and I didn't even know it. And I wouldn't know it for another month!
2) I have moved into a new phase of parenthood where I actually have some experience. I can talk to more experienced parents with some degree of knowledge, and might actually have some wisdom to impart to more recent members of the parent club. Yesterday I saw a new mom at church putting formula into a bottle from a baggie. I have my handy dandy sectioned formula dispenser that works pretty well. It has three sections that you can premeasure powder into, then just dump into the bottle. Seemed a lot easier than a baggie, and it was only a few bucks. I would have mentioned it to that couple if I would have had the chance (they skipped out early). Then last night at Wal-Mart the clerk asked me how old Jacob was. He said that he's got one that's five weeks, and I groaned a bit thinking back to the sleep deprivation. We chatted about that for a few seconds, and it felt funny to be past that part of this whole experience, but it was pretty cool.
3) I said it in yesterday's post, but I'll repeat it again...there is nothing better than having your baby look at you like you're the coolest and most entertaining person ever. When Jacob flashes me the biggest smile for no apparent reason, it automatically makes me smile back. I can't even describe it. He just completely cracks me up.
4) I sort of knew this already but I confirmed it pretty soundly this weekend--this frog toy that Jacob has on his carrier makes him stop crying. When he's screaming in the back of the car and there's nothing I can do about it, I reach back and try to make the frog toy ribbit...and sure enough, it makes Jacob stop crying...at least momentarily. That thing is magic.
I'm sure there's more, because weekends with Jacob tend to be pretty thought-provoking, but that's all I can muster for now. Happy Monday!
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