Just sitting at the computer while pumping part of one of Jacob's feedings tomorrow. He's been sleeping since about 20 min. into the drive home from NT, and I figured I'd take the opportunity it pump. I have a lot to get ready for tomorrow still, but pumping is increasingly important so I needed to take the time. We had a great weekend in NT, visiting with family at a reunion in East Aurora, showing him off to more people at church, and then hanging out again with more family at my uncle's retirement party tonight. Everyone loves holding a little baby, so Jacob was pretty much the most popular person around! He did pretty well, though he's a pretty gassy baby right now. No idea if it's remnants of formula making him nuts or just some extra gassiness from his crazy weekend schedule. I probably burped him less than usual when I nursed in public because it's so awkward to pull him out from under the blankets and do it without exposing myself. He seemed pretty content while feeding anyway, and I hated to interrupt him. In the next chapter of the formula vs. breast milk saga, he refused a formula bottle last night. We tried for about an hour, to no avail. That's got me a little nervous for tomorrow, but hopefully he'll be just thrown off enough by the new setting, the lack of mommy's milk machine, and being just plain hungry that he'll take the formula he's offered. The gas issue may be a whole extra problem. We'll see. This whole schedule could take a lot of tweaking over the next week or two, from when Jacob goes to bed and wakes up, to when I pump, what he eats, etc. Adjusting to going back to work and having to look presentable, and being and employee AND a mom, are scary things. It's a whole new ballgame from here on out. Tomorrow morning could be chaos. Hopefully my bosses will be their usual understanding selves for a while here, because I will probably need it until I settle into all of this. I might be a brain-dead space cadet for a while, between sleep deprivation and Jacob deprivation. So much of my job was based on instinctive stuff, getting used to systems and finding ways to apply them, and I'm afraid I'll have lost some of that in these last seven weeks. Heck, even the day I went in before delivering I felt a little scatterbrained. We shall see. Hopefully I'll have an update at lunch tomorrow.
Well, I got a total of 4 oz., so that's good for a feeding. It'll get me through tomorrow with some frozen milk I already have, so I have another day to work out pumping and see how it goes moving forward. Wish me luck :)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Day care
Yesterday afternoon Jacob and I went to spend some time at day care. It was an interesting experience. Not having gone through day care myself (I'm not sure I knew anyone that did when I was a kid, actually), I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. I mean, we got an initial impression of day care when we did our tours, but we didn't really spend any significant time anywhere to see how things worked on a day to day basis. As a whole, I came out feeling equally happy and sad about sending Jacob there on Monday.
Miss Sandy, the infant room "teacher", is really nice. She's a grandmother, so she absolutely loves babies, and was tickled to have a little baby like Jacob coming in. The other three babies in the room look like they're somewhere between 4-6 months. All three were adorable, smiling, playing, and rolling around. One was a little Italian girl with an impressively long name (and we thought Jacob would always have that claim), one was an adorable little Asian girl, and the other was a little boy with terribly problematic acid reflux, a throaty cry, and a killer smile. While we were there, the babies were fed, changed, and put down for naps. In between, they played...which pretty much means they sat on the floor supported by Boppy pillows and picked up toys. I will say my biggest reservation about any day care is the sharing of toys. Everyone knows that babies explore with their mouths, and I can see a long winter of colds and ear infections coming right up. Ugh.
Soothing music played in the background. Everything was very well organized, from the diaper storage to bottle storage to everything being written down in log books. They have a no shoes policy in the room, and everything seemed very clean. The babies seemed very content and everyone just seemed to love them like crazy...to the point that one of the preschool teachers comes in on her lunch to play with and feed the babies.
I have no doubt that Jacob will have a good time there and will be well taken care of. I didn't see any red flags while we were there, so that's good. Originally I figured that taking my six-week old baby (now seven, since I took my extra week of vacation) to day care would be heart-breaking. As I neared the end of my time off, I started to think it would be more of a relief. I've come to the realization that I may not be full time stay-at-home mom material. If given the chance, I'm sure I could do it, but I would definitely need to put a major effort into finding things to do, groups to join, etc. I could definitely do it part time, though. Anyway...after weeks of being home alone with Jacob, I was thinking day care would be a bit of a relief, getting me back to some variety and making my evenings at home with him that much better. In addition, I figured that any stimuli that I wasn't giving him here, he'd get there, which will make him a more well-rounded baby. However...the longer I was there, the more I realized how much I'd miss him, how much it would kill me to miss his smiles and not be there for him when he cried. I've always cringed at the thought of someone else spending more time with him than me, in some cases practically raising him. An hour in the morning and a couple hours in the evening just doesn't seem like enough, does it? And considering his penchant for just wanting to eat all evening now, I'm not really getting the best version of him then. Oh, and did I mention that his second go-around at formula made him extra gassy and I'm worried about that becoming a major problem? It's not fun to see him in pain, so now I don't know what to do about the feeding situation.
I'm trying not to think about it all too deeply, because the truth is sobering. I'm just trying to stay on the surface, where I know that this has to happen, that I'm still his mother, and that it'll be a good thing for him to learn and interact in a different way. But in the meantime, I'm going to hug him a little more, keep him close in his carrier a bunch, and try to savor every last minute of today, my last weekday home with him. We have a fun weekend ahead of us, but I think I'm going to be a little haunted by the craziness that awaits on Monday morning--getting up early, getting both of us ready, and getting out the door by 8:30 or earlier. At least I've already got his bag of stuff ready to go (minus the daily bottle supply), and have labeled all of his (clean) clothes and most of his bottles. I may drop most of it off today if things work out. And most importantly, I've already emailed myself one of Jacob's smiley pictures to put as my wallpaper at work. I'm hoping it'll make me smile, but I'm hoping it doesn't make me miss him that much more. Only time will tell...
Miss Sandy, the infant room "teacher", is really nice. She's a grandmother, so she absolutely loves babies, and was tickled to have a little baby like Jacob coming in. The other three babies in the room look like they're somewhere between 4-6 months. All three were adorable, smiling, playing, and rolling around. One was a little Italian girl with an impressively long name (and we thought Jacob would always have that claim), one was an adorable little Asian girl, and the other was a little boy with terribly problematic acid reflux, a throaty cry, and a killer smile. While we were there, the babies were fed, changed, and put down for naps. In between, they played...which pretty much means they sat on the floor supported by Boppy pillows and picked up toys. I will say my biggest reservation about any day care is the sharing of toys. Everyone knows that babies explore with their mouths, and I can see a long winter of colds and ear infections coming right up. Ugh.
Soothing music played in the background. Everything was very well organized, from the diaper storage to bottle storage to everything being written down in log books. They have a no shoes policy in the room, and everything seemed very clean. The babies seemed very content and everyone just seemed to love them like crazy...to the point that one of the preschool teachers comes in on her lunch to play with and feed the babies.
I have no doubt that Jacob will have a good time there and will be well taken care of. I didn't see any red flags while we were there, so that's good. Originally I figured that taking my six-week old baby (now seven, since I took my extra week of vacation) to day care would be heart-breaking. As I neared the end of my time off, I started to think it would be more of a relief. I've come to the realization that I may not be full time stay-at-home mom material. If given the chance, I'm sure I could do it, but I would definitely need to put a major effort into finding things to do, groups to join, etc. I could definitely do it part time, though. Anyway...after weeks of being home alone with Jacob, I was thinking day care would be a bit of a relief, getting me back to some variety and making my evenings at home with him that much better. In addition, I figured that any stimuli that I wasn't giving him here, he'd get there, which will make him a more well-rounded baby. However...the longer I was there, the more I realized how much I'd miss him, how much it would kill me to miss his smiles and not be there for him when he cried. I've always cringed at the thought of someone else spending more time with him than me, in some cases practically raising him. An hour in the morning and a couple hours in the evening just doesn't seem like enough, does it? And considering his penchant for just wanting to eat all evening now, I'm not really getting the best version of him then. Oh, and did I mention that his second go-around at formula made him extra gassy and I'm worried about that becoming a major problem? It's not fun to see him in pain, so now I don't know what to do about the feeding situation.
I'm trying not to think about it all too deeply, because the truth is sobering. I'm just trying to stay on the surface, where I know that this has to happen, that I'm still his mother, and that it'll be a good thing for him to learn and interact in a different way. But in the meantime, I'm going to hug him a little more, keep him close in his carrier a bunch, and try to savor every last minute of today, my last weekday home with him. We have a fun weekend ahead of us, but I think I'm going to be a little haunted by the craziness that awaits on Monday morning--getting up early, getting both of us ready, and getting out the door by 8:30 or earlier. At least I've already got his bag of stuff ready to go (minus the daily bottle supply), and have labeled all of his (clean) clothes and most of his bottles. I may drop most of it off today if things work out. And most importantly, I've already emailed myself one of Jacob's smiley pictures to put as my wallpaper at work. I'm hoping it'll make me smile, but I'm hoping it doesn't make me miss him that much more. Only time will tell...
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Special gift
Yesterday my friend Heather came into town to meet Jacob. I have known Heather for nearly 25 years, since the first day of Kindergarten. We were both always the smallest people in class and have a ridiculous amount of random memories from all those years together. Random example from yesterday...We were at Panera for dinner and Craig's sandwich came with Gouda. He asked me what Gouda was like, and I said I didn't know because I hadn't had it since second grade...and Heather knew right away that I was referring to this cheese-tasting party we had in class. While broadening the horizons of second graders is great, it was a little too much cheese at once. But yeah, it's sort of like that...random memories dating back through 25 years of school, kiddie play dates, and summer afternoons hanging spent with her doll house (awesome), computer (Commodore 64!) and our infamous Hot Looks doll obsession (Heather, make sure you check out that link and see the dolls and clothes that were never released!!). At the ripe old age of 29, that's a rare thing to have for such a long time.
We had a nice day, just sitting and chatting as usual. We probably could have gone out and done something even more fun, but unfortunately I was stuck waiting for the cable guy to come and take care of our digital phones (Note: For those of you who are thinking about getting it, be aware that you need the tech to come out to your house to make your phone jacks work with digital phone service. The self-install only allows digital phones to work without your phone jacks, and one of those has to be by your modem. Other than that, it's cool. Free long distance within NY, caller ID that shows up on TV, call waiting...all for just a tad more than my old phone bill (long distance not included)). Anyway, we had a good time just talking and watching Jacob. He is, after all, quite entertaining, especially when he gets in a smiley mood. She came bearing a gift, which is pictured below:
It's already hanging up in Jacob's room. Between Heather and her mom, they are very talented people. Heather's mom gave us a quilt that was custom designed to go with the Snoopy & Family theme in the nursery. It has all three puppies on it, sleeping with blankets pulled up to their necks. It's so cute. Both gifts are so awesome and so appreciated. It's so nice to get homemade gifts like that. My mom did a sweater, booties, and hat for Jacob, and her good friend Sandy (a grandma-t0-be and faithful blog reader, along with her adorably pregnant daughter--hi Laurie!) made a beautiful blanket that's been a staple of our middle of the night feedings (mommies get cold too!). We've also gotten some homemade bibs from a couple of people. Good thing we have those kind of folks around, because I definitely do not have that talent!
Yesterday we also got a gift from Uncle John and Aunt Kristin, a Baby Bjorn carrier. It is awesome! While it will come in handy out in the real world, it's already been a nice addition to our home life. When Jacob is cranky and doesn't want to be put down but I have a lot to do around the house, I can just strap him in and do it. This morning he fell asleep while I was sitting at the computer. It's nice to give him that close contact but not feel handcuffed or risk dropping him. So cool!
We leave shortly to go for our prep day at daycare. Should be an interesting visit. I'm sure I will have more thoughts on the daycare thing in the days to come, both regarding the physical preparations for it and my thoughts on actually sending him there. Hopefully I will have a report on today's visit tomorrow!
We had a nice day, just sitting and chatting as usual. We probably could have gone out and done something even more fun, but unfortunately I was stuck waiting for the cable guy to come and take care of our digital phones (Note: For those of you who are thinking about getting it, be aware that you need the tech to come out to your house to make your phone jacks work with digital phone service. The self-install only allows digital phones to work without your phone jacks, and one of those has to be by your modem. Other than that, it's cool. Free long distance within NY, caller ID that shows up on TV, call waiting...all for just a tad more than my old phone bill (long distance not included)). Anyway, we had a good time just talking and watching Jacob. He is, after all, quite entertaining, especially when he gets in a smiley mood. She came bearing a gift, which is pictured below:
It's already hanging up in Jacob's room. Between Heather and her mom, they are very talented people. Heather's mom gave us a quilt that was custom designed to go with the Snoopy & Family theme in the nursery. It has all three puppies on it, sleeping with blankets pulled up to their necks. It's so cute. Both gifts are so awesome and so appreciated. It's so nice to get homemade gifts like that. My mom did a sweater, booties, and hat for Jacob, and her good friend Sandy (a grandma-t0-be and faithful blog reader, along with her adorably pregnant daughter--hi Laurie!) made a beautiful blanket that's been a staple of our middle of the night feedings (mommies get cold too!). We've also gotten some homemade bibs from a couple of people. Good thing we have those kind of folks around, because I definitely do not have that talent!
Yesterday we also got a gift from Uncle John and Aunt Kristin, a Baby Bjorn carrier. It is awesome! While it will come in handy out in the real world, it's already been a nice addition to our home life. When Jacob is cranky and doesn't want to be put down but I have a lot to do around the house, I can just strap him in and do it. This morning he fell asleep while I was sitting at the computer. It's nice to give him that close contact but not feel handcuffed or risk dropping him. So cool!
We leave shortly to go for our prep day at daycare. Should be an interesting visit. I'm sure I will have more thoughts on the daycare thing in the days to come, both regarding the physical preparations for it and my thoughts on actually sending him there. Hopefully I will have a report on today's visit tomorrow!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Had to share...
Over the weekend Jacob started smiling a bit. As I've mentioned before, he only ever smiled when falling asleep or passing gas. Now he started smiling while awake, albeit unprovoked. I still think it's more of a reflex than anything at this point, but it's super cute anyway. I've been dying to get a picture of one, and I had a bit of success this afternoon. First, here's a picture from last week that I've been meaning to post. He had been fussing like crazy and finally fell asleep like this:
Ok, so on to today. Jacob was finally well-fed and awake, so I spent a good chunk of time trying to get him to smile while holding the camera. Finally, no thanks to me, he started smiling! They're tough to catch on camera because they're generally quick and the flash probably throws him off a bit, but here's what I got. Maybe it's just me, but the pictures get progressively cuter...here's the first one...
And the second one...
And the third one...
He looks chubbier in the last one than he actually is, but at least in the last two you can see the infamous single dimple! I definitely look forward to the day where we can get thse smiles almost on command, but these pictures will probably keep me smiling for days to come. I've decided that when things are going well, Jacob is the best thing in the world. It's a really peaceful feeling when everything seems under control and he's happy. It's not that I love him any less when things are out of control, but a whole host of other emotions get in the way. Fear, confusion, and uncertainty have a way of making things seem so much harder than they probably are, and I hate that they tend to get in the way of me enjoying such an awesome little person. But little by little I have these good moments, sometimes when he's feeding contentedly...sometimes when he's just been screaming, stops the instant I pick him up and snuggles into my shoulder...sometimes when he's smiling like in the pictures above...all seems right with the world. Watching some of my baby shows on TV and realizing all of the things that could have been wrong with him but weren't, it makes what he went through look like a piece of cake, and it makes me that much more grateful for the healthy little boy he is today. He's a pretty amazing little guy...
Ok, so on to today. Jacob was finally well-fed and awake, so I spent a good chunk of time trying to get him to smile while holding the camera. Finally, no thanks to me, he started smiling! They're tough to catch on camera because they're generally quick and the flash probably throws him off a bit, but here's what I got. Maybe it's just me, but the pictures get progressively cuter...here's the first one...
And the second one...And the third one...He looks chubbier in the last one than he actually is, but at least in the last two you can see the infamous single dimple! I definitely look forward to the day where we can get thse smiles almost on command, but these pictures will probably keep me smiling for days to come. I've decided that when things are going well, Jacob is the best thing in the world. It's a really peaceful feeling when everything seems under control and he's happy. It's not that I love him any less when things are out of control, but a whole host of other emotions get in the way. Fear, confusion, and uncertainty have a way of making things seem so much harder than they probably are, and I hate that they tend to get in the way of me enjoying such an awesome little person. But little by little I have these good moments, sometimes when he's feeding contentedly...sometimes when he's just been screaming, stops the instant I pick him up and snuggles into my shoulder...sometimes when he's smiling like in the pictures above...all seems right with the world. Watching some of my baby shows on TV and realizing all of the things that could have been wrong with him but weren't, it makes what he went through look like a piece of cake, and it makes me that much more grateful for the healthy little boy he is today. He's a pretty amazing little guy...Growing Boy
We had a good morning. Jacob seemed to come through his first formula experience last night unscathed. Of course, he hadn't pooped yet, which led me to believe he might end up with some constipation issues, but a little while ago while he was sleeping and stirring I heard a couple massive farts. They sounded drier than his usual explosiveness, so I'm hoping that's the formula poop and he's ok. I guess constipation happens more with formula, and formula-fed babies poop less anyway, so nothing is out of the question. Regardless, he fed well at 4:15am (not bad considering he went down for bed by 11:30) and again a couple times this morning, so the bottle and the formula apparently haven't messed with his ability to breastfeed. He almost seemed to enjoy his bath, until I pulled him out into the harsh, cold world. He fussed a bit while we did a little fashion show, trying on some of his bigger clothes to see if they fit yet...and you know what? They're getting really close! Seeing as he's going off to daycare soon, I'm thinking he might have to expand beyond his current world of onesies (and if not, fall will do that soon enough) so the 3-6 month clothes will be a welcome change.
Once he was dressed and fed we headed off to the mall. I needed to do some swimsuit shopping, because my stomach is not bikini-appropriate anymore and we'll probably be swimming next weekend. No luck, though, so I might have to opt for a t-shirt over my old suit. I also did a little Jacob shopping since Bon-Ton had Carter's clothes on sale and they have the cutest line of Moose clothes (Craig and I are addicted to moose, for those of you unaware). There was a 20% coupon in the Sunday paper in addition to the 40% off, so that was a good deal. We also went to Target armed with a gift card to pick up a couple things in preparation for daycare (extra bottle nipples and a box of wipes) as well as some essentials to make up for a little stupidity on my part. I put a couple wet things into Jacob's hamper last week, and they grew mold...all over quite a few things. Who knew? So, I got some new burp cloths, receiving blankets and onesies (3-6 months, since the 0-3 seem to be getting a little tight) to make up for the ones I couldn't salvage. The good news is that they're cool blue ones with a sporty theme instead of the gender neutral ones I registered for. I'm slowly forgiving myself for the mess.
Well, Jacob is screaming now and is probably hungry! He's definitely a growing boy!!
Once he was dressed and fed we headed off to the mall. I needed to do some swimsuit shopping, because my stomach is not bikini-appropriate anymore and we'll probably be swimming next weekend. No luck, though, so I might have to opt for a t-shirt over my old suit. I also did a little Jacob shopping since Bon-Ton had Carter's clothes on sale and they have the cutest line of Moose clothes (Craig and I are addicted to moose, for those of you unaware). There was a 20% coupon in the Sunday paper in addition to the 40% off, so that was a good deal. We also went to Target armed with a gift card to pick up a couple things in preparation for daycare (extra bottle nipples and a box of wipes) as well as some essentials to make up for a little stupidity on my part. I put a couple wet things into Jacob's hamper last week, and they grew mold...all over quite a few things. Who knew? So, I got some new burp cloths, receiving blankets and onesies (3-6 months, since the 0-3 seem to be getting a little tight) to make up for the ones I couldn't salvage. The good news is that they're cool blue ones with a sporty theme instead of the gender neutral ones I registered for. I'm slowly forgiving myself for the mess.
Well, Jacob is screaming now and is probably hungry! He's definitely a growing boy!!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Feeding time
First off, sorry it's been a while since I last posted. It was a pretty good weekend (complete with a visit from my parents and a nice walk through the Park Ave. Festival here in Rochester), though it has been trying at times because Jacob appears to be going through one nasty growth spurt. He's been keeping me busy, either eating all the time or being a little cranky in between. Or, less often, I'm trying to catch up on my sleep because he's on some wacky schedule right now that's been keeping me up until 1 or 2 every morning. We try to put him to bed after his 11ish feeding, but he's been waking up again by 12 or 12:30 wanting to eat again, and generally stays awake for a while afterward. He only gets up once in the night after that (generally one span of 3-1/2 or 4 hours somewhere in there), which is great, but staying up that late isn't going to work next week when I go back to work.
He's been feeding every two hours during the day, and nearly every hour in the evenings. In addition, he's had a couple marathon feedings where he sits there contentedly for an hour or two. I switch sides periodically to make sure he's still getting something, but eventually it gets a little painful and I have to pull him off, full or not. In addition I've been trying to pump (tough when the feedings are that close together and he doesn't sleep long in between), but I've been having a lot of trouble with that still. I only get something for the first 10 minutes, and even then it's probably only an ounce or two. Definitely not enough to have enough for him all day at daycare, at least not if I'm just pumping a couple times while at work. I think it's just a mental thing, that I can't get the same letdown as I do when I'm feeding him. I have tried relaxing, tried making a pumping bra (cheaper to try with an old one of mine than buy a real one--mixed results) to let me do other things while I pump, looking at Jacob's picture...and nothing is working right now. I figured that between his marathon feedings and my attempts to pump, my supply would go up and inevitably I'd get more milk in, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Jacob's still hungry after most feedings, despite going longer than 30 minutes at a time sometimes.
As a result, it's forced me to consider supplementing with formula, at least while he's at daycare. I'll still be pumping so my supply shouldn't go down, which is one of the negatives that usually goes along with supplementing. As much as I didn't want to have to do that, I guess I don't have a choice. Here's my plan...Because I am grossed out by the smell of formula spitup and don't want to experience stinkier poop, I'd like them to give him the formula bottles early, and switch to breastmilk in the afternoon. They can deal with the icky spitup and diapers, and I'll get him back smelling like usual :) He'll still get probably half or 2/3 of his feedings as breast milk, so I guess that's not bad. He's taken to the bottle fabulously, so that's good too.
Partly out of preparation and partly out of necessity, tonight we did formula feeding #1. He'd been feeding for an hour or so and was still hungry (trying to latch on to everything and crying), so I decided that there was no time like the present. I pulled up one of the sample canisters of formula that had been sitting in our basement, and made up a 5 oz. bottle for him. Four oz. is the standard, but at some point soon he is supposed to be moving up to 5 or 6 oz. so I figured I'd see if he'd take it. He did well with the formula and sucked down the first 4 oz. pretty good. It took a little bit but eventually he seemed a little hungry again and ate the last ounce. He was still quite awake afterward, which was disappointing, but he was content and did fall asleep in his vibrating chair a little later. I just put him in bed and am hoping he stays asleep for a while. I've been hearing noises, but he's just a noisy baby, as those of you who have heard his grunts are well aware. I'm a little nervous about how his tummy will react to the formula, and how stinky his diaper will be when I get up for his next feeding, but so far so good--he ate, seemed full, and fell asleep.
I think a call to the lactation consultant is probably something I should put on my agenda tomorrow. I don't know why he's never satisfied with breastfeeding right now and why I can't pump much. It's driving me nuts. I've invested a lot of time (and now money) into breastfeeding and would hate to see it all fall apart now. I guess using just a little formula is better than using it exclusively, and since it's so darn expensive, breastfeeding and pumping is still worthwhile.
I guess this is the next step of my formula acceptance, dating back to my issues during Jacob's week in the hospital. I didn't want him to have formula then, but eventually accepted that he'd have to have some. The circumstances just weren't working in my favor with him in the hospital, between my milk not coming in quickly enough and not being able to be there for him all the time. I didn't need to put that kind of pressure on myself. Similarly now, I can't help the fact that I don't seem to be producing enough (or if I am, a growth spurt and my apparent mental block with pumping are derailing me anyway) and the physical separation that going back to work presents are the newest set of extenuating circumstances that are causing me to fall back on formula again. I've been doing everything in my power to keep breastfeeding going, and will continue to do so, but this appears to be another instance of having to accept less-than-ideal circumstances just because it's my only option if I want to keep myself sane. Arg.
In other news, this week has some interesting high points. My friend Heather has finally worked out her transportation issues (thanks to her wonderful father-in-law) and will be coming in on Wednesday to meet Jacob. On Thursday Jacob and I are going to his day care to spend some time in the infant room. It's mostly to help them find out his idiosyncrasies and presumably to put my mind at ease about things. Should be interesting. We have another road trip this weekend to Buffalo, which is great, but it means that Friday will probably be spent getting everything together for daycare--gathering up diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, and whatever else they request he have, and labeling it all. Yuck. I'll be on my own Monday morning (Craig's on the road), so I'll have to have it all as ready to go as possible so I can get him to daycare and get myself decently put together and to work on time. Could be an early morning!
Lots to keep you posted on in the next week, eh? Should be interesting...
He's been feeding every two hours during the day, and nearly every hour in the evenings. In addition, he's had a couple marathon feedings where he sits there contentedly for an hour or two. I switch sides periodically to make sure he's still getting something, but eventually it gets a little painful and I have to pull him off, full or not. In addition I've been trying to pump (tough when the feedings are that close together and he doesn't sleep long in between), but I've been having a lot of trouble with that still. I only get something for the first 10 minutes, and even then it's probably only an ounce or two. Definitely not enough to have enough for him all day at daycare, at least not if I'm just pumping a couple times while at work. I think it's just a mental thing, that I can't get the same letdown as I do when I'm feeding him. I have tried relaxing, tried making a pumping bra (cheaper to try with an old one of mine than buy a real one--mixed results) to let me do other things while I pump, looking at Jacob's picture...and nothing is working right now. I figured that between his marathon feedings and my attempts to pump, my supply would go up and inevitably I'd get more milk in, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Jacob's still hungry after most feedings, despite going longer than 30 minutes at a time sometimes.
As a result, it's forced me to consider supplementing with formula, at least while he's at daycare. I'll still be pumping so my supply shouldn't go down, which is one of the negatives that usually goes along with supplementing. As much as I didn't want to have to do that, I guess I don't have a choice. Here's my plan...Because I am grossed out by the smell of formula spitup and don't want to experience stinkier poop, I'd like them to give him the formula bottles early, and switch to breastmilk in the afternoon. They can deal with the icky spitup and diapers, and I'll get him back smelling like usual :) He'll still get probably half or 2/3 of his feedings as breast milk, so I guess that's not bad. He's taken to the bottle fabulously, so that's good too.
Partly out of preparation and partly out of necessity, tonight we did formula feeding #1. He'd been feeding for an hour or so and was still hungry (trying to latch on to everything and crying), so I decided that there was no time like the present. I pulled up one of the sample canisters of formula that had been sitting in our basement, and made up a 5 oz. bottle for him. Four oz. is the standard, but at some point soon he is supposed to be moving up to 5 or 6 oz. so I figured I'd see if he'd take it. He did well with the formula and sucked down the first 4 oz. pretty good. It took a little bit but eventually he seemed a little hungry again and ate the last ounce. He was still quite awake afterward, which was disappointing, but he was content and did fall asleep in his vibrating chair a little later. I just put him in bed and am hoping he stays asleep for a while. I've been hearing noises, but he's just a noisy baby, as those of you who have heard his grunts are well aware. I'm a little nervous about how his tummy will react to the formula, and how stinky his diaper will be when I get up for his next feeding, but so far so good--he ate, seemed full, and fell asleep.
I think a call to the lactation consultant is probably something I should put on my agenda tomorrow. I don't know why he's never satisfied with breastfeeding right now and why I can't pump much. It's driving me nuts. I've invested a lot of time (and now money) into breastfeeding and would hate to see it all fall apart now. I guess using just a little formula is better than using it exclusively, and since it's so darn expensive, breastfeeding and pumping is still worthwhile.
I guess this is the next step of my formula acceptance, dating back to my issues during Jacob's week in the hospital. I didn't want him to have formula then, but eventually accepted that he'd have to have some. The circumstances just weren't working in my favor with him in the hospital, between my milk not coming in quickly enough and not being able to be there for him all the time. I didn't need to put that kind of pressure on myself. Similarly now, I can't help the fact that I don't seem to be producing enough (or if I am, a growth spurt and my apparent mental block with pumping are derailing me anyway) and the physical separation that going back to work presents are the newest set of extenuating circumstances that are causing me to fall back on formula again. I've been doing everything in my power to keep breastfeeding going, and will continue to do so, but this appears to be another instance of having to accept less-than-ideal circumstances just because it's my only option if I want to keep myself sane. Arg.
In other news, this week has some interesting high points. My friend Heather has finally worked out her transportation issues (thanks to her wonderful father-in-law) and will be coming in on Wednesday to meet Jacob. On Thursday Jacob and I are going to his day care to spend some time in the infant room. It's mostly to help them find out his idiosyncrasies and presumably to put my mind at ease about things. Should be interesting. We have another road trip this weekend to Buffalo, which is great, but it means that Friday will probably be spent getting everything together for daycare--gathering up diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, and whatever else they request he have, and labeling it all. Yuck. I'll be on my own Monday morning (Craig's on the road), so I'll have to have it all as ready to go as possible so I can get him to daycare and get myself decently put together and to work on time. Could be an early morning!
Lots to keep you posted on in the next week, eh? Should be interesting...
Friday, August 1, 2008
Out in the world...
Today is Jacob's six-week birthday...amazing how time flies, but how it feels like he's been here forever! I decided it was time to take him out and show him off a bit, so we took a trip into the city to my office. It was funny driving there after six weeks away. I was interested to see the progress on the major construction project on 490. I was interested to explore my new parking arrangements, as well. Since I left, Midtown Plaza, a rundown downtown mall and the home of our previous parking ramp, has closed. They're planning on demolishing it for the new corporate headquarters of PaeTec. We'll see if it ever happens. It's a shame, because it was the nation's first urban indoor mall, and it could have been cool had someone taken on the job of converting the many attached office towers into residential space. But anyway...the mall is closed so we could no longer walk through it to get to our building. The parking ramp is closing soon as well, and we finally got high enough on the waiting list to get into another ramp that's attached to our building. Of course, it's the one whose helix exit ramp collapsed a couple years ago, but that was just some bad engineering. The rest is fine and they've been doing construction on it now anyway.
So...complete with Jacob in his stroller, I managed to find my way from the ramp to the office. I stopped by to say hi to my bosses, then headed down to the cafeteria for lunch with my normal Friday lunch buddies. When I came back up to the office, Jacob was desperately hungry so I fed him a bottle (my first, his third). He took it really well, sucking down over 4 oz. without a problem. Whew. After showing him off to the rest of the office (rave reviews, of course), I headed off to Craig's office to drop off a shirt he forgot this morning. That led to another long stop as all of the folks in the Amerks office admired him :) He was perfect, though, so all in all it went well.
When we got home I decided to do a little experiment. Jacob was hungry so I decided to nurse him on one side while I pumped the other. If getting the milk to let down with a pump was the problem, that would solve it. It was a bit of a balancing act (literally), but I managed to pull it off. And sure enough, nearly 4 oz. after 15 min. on one side! After 15 min. I decided to switch sides to see if Jacob could stimulate the pump side further and to see if the pump could still squeeze more out of the other side. It didn't get much more, but Jacob seemed content for the full 30 min. feeding. That doesn't really help me for pumping effectively at work, but we'll see if my body adjusts. Let's hope. But anyway, it was a relief to get the full 4 oz., because that gave me something for tonight when we're heading off to the Rattlers game with my cousin (and one of Jacob's biggest fans), Lori. I'll keep doing that process as much as is convenient, though.
As a whole, today has been a great day. It was nice to get out into the world a bit and be out of the house for a while. That was the longest I'd been out of the house since Jacob came home five weeks ago. Crazy, isn't it? Not quite a usual summer, but next year should be pretty cool, I think! Well, time to get him fed again and get ready to go to the game. Have a nice weekend!
So...complete with Jacob in his stroller, I managed to find my way from the ramp to the office. I stopped by to say hi to my bosses, then headed down to the cafeteria for lunch with my normal Friday lunch buddies. When I came back up to the office, Jacob was desperately hungry so I fed him a bottle (my first, his third). He took it really well, sucking down over 4 oz. without a problem. Whew. After showing him off to the rest of the office (rave reviews, of course), I headed off to Craig's office to drop off a shirt he forgot this morning. That led to another long stop as all of the folks in the Amerks office admired him :) He was perfect, though, so all in all it went well.
When we got home I decided to do a little experiment. Jacob was hungry so I decided to nurse him on one side while I pumped the other. If getting the milk to let down with a pump was the problem, that would solve it. It was a bit of a balancing act (literally), but I managed to pull it off. And sure enough, nearly 4 oz. after 15 min. on one side! After 15 min. I decided to switch sides to see if Jacob could stimulate the pump side further and to see if the pump could still squeeze more out of the other side. It didn't get much more, but Jacob seemed content for the full 30 min. feeding. That doesn't really help me for pumping effectively at work, but we'll see if my body adjusts. Let's hope. But anyway, it was a relief to get the full 4 oz., because that gave me something for tonight when we're heading off to the Rattlers game with my cousin (and one of Jacob's biggest fans), Lori. I'll keep doing that process as much as is convenient, though.
As a whole, today has been a great day. It was nice to get out into the world a bit and be out of the house for a while. That was the longest I'd been out of the house since Jacob came home five weeks ago. Crazy, isn't it? Not quite a usual summer, but next year should be pretty cool, I think! Well, time to get him fed again and get ready to go to the game. Have a nice weekend!
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