Milestone or false hope?

So...I just bought my first maternity clothes. I didn't go out intending to buy them, but I hadn't been shopping in a while so I figured I'd look around a little bit, even just at normal clothes, to see if there were any styles that might work for this in between time. I went to Target to look at a couple things, and figured I'd stroll through the clearance racks. I'm well aware of their Liz Lange maternity line, because half the time I'd pull something cute off the clearance racks, I'd look at the tag and realize it was maternity. Disappointing, because seriously, that stuff was cute! The last time I browsed the racks I was pregnant, but it was so early that I couldn't bring myself to buy any of the cool stuff I found.

Today I felt "legal", so I figured I'd give it another shot. I found a pair of pants, a couple really cute dressy tops, and a dress to try on. The dress was a no-go (but it was less than $7!), but everything else had promise. I was ready to buy the other three pieces, but then realized the pants were not clearance priced (though I swear I've seen them on the clearance racks before, and I didn't see them in the regular maternity clothes...but they scanned full price). The pants were a size 2 (nice to know that transfers to maternity clothes) and were a little loose in the belly (duh), but overall, they fit pretty well. I'll hold off for now, though. I can keep checking and find other pants some other day. They do have the cutest pair of cargo pants there, though :) The two tops were less than $6 each, and again, despite not knowing what my body's going to do in the next few months, I think the fit was good enough to risk it. I have 90 days to change my mind and take them back, so I think that's reasonable.

Let me just say, it's really tough to dress a body you don't actually have yet! As ok as things seemed to fit today, I have no idea what my body (all of it, not just the belly) is going to do in the next couple months, so who knows? However, the clothes that are out there are pretty cute, and I'm probably the least afraid of maternity wear than I've ever been, so this is good timing. Nice to know that there are some clothes out there that will potentially fit me when the time comes, and I haven't even tried the thrift store route yet. Crazy, but I'm cool with it so far!

Have a good weekend, and go Knighthawks!

Let's Limbo!

A while back I mentioned how timing is such a major element of this whole process. Limbo is another. Obviously this whole experience puts your life in a bit of limbo, merely because you have no idea what your life is going to be like once that baby is born. Vacations, big purchases, your will to even leave the house...like the commercial says, "Having a baby changes everything." But you really can't worry about the long term stuff. When certain things feel right again, you'll know, I guess.

Right now it's the little things that are getting to me. Originally it was living this "double life", where we had this major secret but weren't telling anyone. "What's new?", they ask. "Oh, nothing," we reply...but inside it was like, "Holy crap, you won't believe what we just saw on the ultrasound!", etc. Most of that awkwardness is done now, since almost everyone knows. Best friends have finally been told, word is trickling around work, and random people are finding out from sources even we're not sure of. It's just wondering if they've heard or not when you walk up to someone you haven't seen in a while. Easy in comparison.

Even before the pregnancy, I was feeling sort of funny about shopping for clothes. Why buy something if you have no clue if it will fit you by the next time that season comes around? That issue is still with me now. I could probably go out and buy some nice flowy tops and stuff, but then I have to look at all the "normal" clothes, too. Pants and skirts are what's really getting to me. My pants still technically fit, but by mid-afternoon when I've been sitting at my desk and the gas bubbles from lunch start cropping up (I know, that's gross...but seriously, that's pregnancy), those pants are feeling a tad tight. And yet, I'm not at the point of maternity pants. And really, I'm not letting myself enter the world of non-maternity elastic waist pants. I just don't want them around as my safety net afterward. I probably need to pull out my fat pants from about 10 pounds ago and see if they feel better, but the whole thing is just weird...really takes what little fun there was out of shopping. That will get better soon, though, I hope. I will have a whole wardobe to replenish!

The other tough thing is the baby prep stuff. It still feels too early to run out and buy a baby name book, or even start looking up sites online. What about the baby's room? As I mentioned, we're trying to figure out the best way to rearrange our office to include at least one twin bed, but at what point do we actually make the switch? I don't know if it's a superstition thing, or not wanting to look too eager, or what. I'll admit that I've always wondered about people who lose a baby late in pregnancy or as a newborn to SIDS, and what that empty nursery must do to them. It's got to be torture. And not that I think that'll happen to us, but week 15 of 40 seems too early for a lot of that stuff. However, my fear is that things will get busy--Craig is now working weekends even more with the start of lacrosse season tomorrow, eventually I'll start getting less mobile--and suddenly we'll be a month or so out and have a million things to do. Good thing the Amerks probably won't make the playoffs, eh?

Still, I'm just trying to enjoy every moment. It's not always easy, but we've got some exciting months ahead of us!

Time Check

I had a scary realization last night while enjoying the lovely weather (seriously, I'm not being saracstic...it was in the 60s the last two days...of course today we have 60mph wind gusts instead). I was thinking how nice it was to walk out of the grocery store and not shiver while loading my bags, and came to the sad conclusion that I might not experience that again until at least April, but maybe as late as May. And by then, I'll probably be waddling out of Wegmans, big as a house. Yikes. A good "yikes", but a "yikes" nonetheless.

As I thought about it further, I started thinking about Easter. It's early this year, and even though winters here tend to drag on, I have this feeling that it'll be here before we know it. It's only 2-1/2 months away. And then, imagine my shock as I realized that only three months after that, we'll have a baby! Whew. I know it will be like anything else. Time will fly sometimes, and other times, we'll wonder why it's going so slow. We were on a similar timeline back when we got married--our 5th anniversary is two days before the due date. I remember back then that that last month dragged quite a bit...but in retrospect, those 10-11 months of planning went so fast! I'm sure here it will be the same thing. That last month (when I'm huge and it's hot) will probably drag, but my hope is that we'll be busy enough getting things ready that it'll speed it up a bit. Another thing I remember from our wedding is that when we got back from our honeymoon at the end of the first week of July, it didn't seem possible that the 4th of July (the peak of summer in my mind) had passed and summer was already on its downswing. I'm sure the same thing will happen this year...all of the hubbub surrounding the birth and getting settled, and all of a sudden it'll be heading toward the end of July and we'll be saying, "Where has summer gone?" Wishing away the days all through June does that!

My only solace in that is that I will be off on maternity leave for a good chunk of the summer, so I should have plenty of opportunity to enjoy the weather. Lots of walks, relaxing outside (baby in the shade, of course)...it's something I've wanted to do since I started working full time...and now I'll get to do it...for the best reason possible!

But thank goodness we still have about six months left...we have a LOT to do! Issue #1 - Figuring out how to fit the contents of our guest bedroom into our office...without taking much out of the office. Hmmm...

Pregnancy in the Internet Age

It's been occurring to me a lot lately that being pregnant now is so much different than it was, say, when I was born. Ultrasounds (and the resulting effect of knowing your baby's gender) weren't around back then, and I'm sure there are thousands of products out there now that cater to pregnant women and their various wants and needs. And sometimes I wonder how registries ever worked back in the day, before bar code scanners and self-serve kiosks. Heck, were there even registries for baby showers back then?

Obviously one of the more important inventions since my birth is the Internet. And more and more I'm realizing how it makes pregnancy in this day and age different. Take this blog, for example. Back in the day you had to talk to people on the phone or mail them letters and photos if you wanted to keep them up to date. Now I just post on here and voila! I've reached however many people, and done it all for free. And yes, I will get around to posting photos when there's something to show, I promise.

Then there's the book, What to Expect When You're Expecting. I've been pondering buying it with a Barnes and Noble gift card I have, but I'm not sure I need it considering the vast amount of pregnancy info on the net. I may still pick it up as an easy reference, or just as another (official) source, but with so many sites out there, I'd have to think it's ubiquity amongst pregnant women has gone down a bit. With or without it, it's nice to know I can hop on Yahoo Answers or any number of pregnancy sites' community forums and look up whatever questions I have. Even if they're not official answers, you tend to get enough "My doctor said..." or general experience answers to figure out what tends to be the trend.

One element I've been enjoying so far is the weekly email that I get from one site. Each week it tells me what the fetus is doing this week, whether it's getting taste buds or seeing light or growing like a weed. It also gives you a common object to compare your baby's size to. Last week it was a lemon, this week it's an apple. Always makes me wonder what the next week will bring? Will week 16 be a grapefruit? Or will we graduate from fruit to some other genre? It's quite entertaining and something to look forward to every week.

I'm sure there are more, but that's enough for now. Pretty crazy to think about, but let me tell you...there's one invention I'm glad exists now, and it has nothing to do with the Internet...two words....disposable diapers!

P.S. - I found out today that two other women in my office are also pregnant. They're sisters, and both have already been through this before, but we're all due within a month or so of each other, so this could get interesting :)

A good old fashioned update

No philosophical thoughts today, so I'll just give you a basic update. We're nearing 15 weeks, and I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. All is well, heartbeat is good, and the baby moved a lot while we were listening in, so that makes me wonder what it will actually be like when I can feel all that movement! My ribs and bladder are already bracing for kicks!

To the casual observer, I'm not showing yet, but I think I've officially decided that the little bulge below my belly button isn't just the result of eating freely (compared to my normal eating habits, anyway). While eating may have contributed a bit to its size, it seems pretty solid so I'm thinking that's got to have a baby behind it somewhere. Eventually the bulge will head north, to right behind the belly button, but in the meantime I'll probably just look fat for a while. It'll stay hidden ok behind clothes for a bit, I think, but based on how I think it's changed in just the last week or so, I'm wondering how long even that will last.

I keep noticing even this little belly getting in the way periodically, like when bending over during my exercise class, or when I lay at certain angles trying to fall asleep. I can technically still lay on my stomach, but it's more comfortable if I'm slightly angled to the side. But I can only imagine what the real belly will be like. It's a little scary, but hey, when else can you watch your body do something so bizarre and know it's actually a GOOD thing?

But so far so good...and thank God for that!

"Is This Good for the Baby?"

Have you ever seen the movie "Office Space"? You know how the Bobs come into the office to evaluate employees and find ways to cut costs? They put up this banner that says, "Is This Good for the Company?" to remind workers to rethink their decisions and make sure they're doing their best to contribute to a healthy bottom line. Well, having a baby is a lot like that...there might as well be a banner strung across me somewhere saying, "Is This Good for the Baby?" Not that I need it, mind you...but that thought, in those words or not, goes through my head dozens of times a day. From the things I eat and drink to how I'm laying on the couch, it's never far from my mind.

Most people think it's just giving up alcohol and smoking, but that's just the beginning. Did you know pregnant women aren't supposed to eat cold cuts? You can if you cook them, but some bacteria in the cold version isn't good. So...no turkey subs at Subway for a while. Caffeine and artificial sweeteners are ok in moderation...which has been the hardest part for me. I used to drink a lot of diet soda...no calories, after all. Well, now I've had to alter my beverage selection. I still allow myself one serving of diet soda per day, to keep my sanity. I drink water during the day at work, but I get sick of it by the time I'm home. So...now I dilute juice or have milk, generally mixed with either Hershey's Syrup or Strawberry NesQuik. They're obviously more calories, but I'm allowed a few extra these days...and milk is obviously a good use of those calories thanks to the calcium and vitamins. There's questions about nuts now, too. The doctor says they're good for the baby, but research came out recently that they could lead to peanut allergies, just as if you gave peanuts to your baby outside the womb. And I thought I felt guilty eating a Snickers bar before. Fortunately, I have been pretty content snacking on carrots and clementines, so that's been nice. But don't get me started on how pricey some of the nutritional supplements are...oy.

I'm deathly afraid of getting sick, not just because of the effects on the baby, but because I won't be able to take anything to ease my symptoms. Pregnant women aren't supposed to lay on their backs for long periods of time because the weight of the baby cuts off blood flow to certain things, so now I have to learn to sleep on my side and find alternate ways of doing ab exercises. Doing cardio is a whole other issue, with having to keep my heart rate down below 140. Not always easy, especially as I watch my waist expand (not sure it's actually baby yet...doh!) and I realize there isn't much I can do to stop it. Even when I'm sitting at work I hope that the way my pants fit on my waist isn't constricting anything.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not worrying about this stuff constantly, even though it does pass through my mind a lot. I still freak out a little bit every time I get the least bit of discomfort, hoping that everything's ok...but generally it seems to be. (Honestly, most of it ends up to be cleverly disguised gas pains...did I mention the digestive system gets cranky while you're pregnant?) It's just a new way of life, and I'm happy to do it because I know the end result is worth it. In the meantime, that silly banner in "Office Space" will make me laugh for more reasons than one :)

I've think I've grown up...

First and foremost, since I was a slacker and didn't post for a couple days, Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a nice holiday and that you're settling back into work, etc. I've been a little all over the place all morning, though I'm sure the hour-long chat that evolved from my sit-down with my bosses to give them the good news didn't help. All went well, mind you...we just turned into a group of women and chatted about randomness for an hour :) It was fun, but obviously not helpful for getting back in the groove!

Anyway...back to my original topic...I'm sure I still have much more growing to do, but I had this realization on Sunday night that in many ways, I've grown up a lot in the past few years.

I went to the Amerks game because I hadn't been to one in a while, and I figured Sunday was a good pick because I didn't have to go to work on Monday. Despite the loss, it was fun...of course word is starting to get around about the pregnancy, so there were congratulations coming from everywhere...even from people who we have no idea how they found out. After the game, we went out for a bit, mostly to grab dinner and keep an eye on the postgame party (Craig's client was the host). We sat with a group of staff, all younger than us but a good group of people. Listening to the talk of partying, getting drunk, doing shots, etc., I started feeling really old. It was funny, because 1) I'm not that far removed from all of that; and 2) Feeling old wasn't a bad thing. I guess pregnancy has a way of making you realize alcohol isn't necessarily the pinnacle of fun. It's fine--I don't look down on anyone for drinking it, but when your entire purpose is to get wasted for no particular reason, that's where I start getting lost. Outside of a couple isolated experiences, I've never been like that. But for some reason the insanity of it hit me even more that night.

Later on, a few of the hockey players came over to say hi. The ones that knew our news congratulated us as well (including one that said something to the effect of, "Congratulations! I'd buy you a drink, but, well...you know..."). We sat there for a bit chatting and listening in on conversations the players were having with another part of the group, and I couldn't help but laugh at some of the machismo and flirting that were going on. On the way home I realized a couple things: First, the Amerks are a very young team, practically devoid of married guys, let alone guys with kids. As a result, they probably don't deal with pregnant chicks too often. Even if someone in their family falls into that category, they don't live near home enough to really appreciate it all. Even though I look young, I wondered if they looked at me as "old", or some version of it. Second, I look at these guys as the kids they are...they're in their early 20s (if that), and honestly, they act like it. Nothing wrong with that. But it was quite a switch from even a few years ago where it was sort of cool to have the players come over and chat. Hockey players are interesting personalities, and even though I've been happily married for years, being in the players' presence was always a little extra interesting. But now, these guys barely register on my radar...they're kids!

I don't know if I'm explaining this quite right, but in the end it was just a crazy realization that mentally I've just moved on to another place in life. That's not to say I won't regress once in a while...but so much of who I am now is vastly different from who I was even a few years ago. It was fun while it lasted, but I'm sure I'm heading into another fun phase in life. "Fun" may have a different definition, but as the commercial says, "Having a baby changes everything."