Escape to Paradise - Day 2

On our second day, Sunday, we were eager to get the lay of the land a bit more.  We slept in, but I did wake up early having to go to the bathroom and checked the sunrise prospects, but nothing looked intriguing so I went back to bed for a few more hours.  We finally dragged ourselves out of bed sometime after 9am and ended up at breakfast at the same buffet where we went to dinner the night before.  Once again the options were a little hit or miss.  It was fine, but I didn't know what a lot of it was.  There were so many things, but I tended to gravitate to the same stuff and Craig wasn't into much of anything.  Eventually Craig figured out he needed to wait in line for an omelette, as that was best for him.  I tended to eat French toast, waffles, and an assortment of egg items, from scrambled with veggies to fried to some sort of ethnic option.  I also loved their breakfast sausages for some reason.  They had an entire "wall of gluten" as I referred to it, and I sometimes grabbed a pastry off that spread.  Craig usually grabbed a donut for lack of anything better.  It was okay, but we discovered later in the trip that we should have been utilizing the sit-down restaurants more!

Dining room of the buffet restaurant

After breakfast we took a little walk to see what the sister resorts were like and track down the gym.  We walked through one of the lobbies and they had a Love sculpture.  Seemed appropriate to snap a photo:

There was a spot called Caribbean Street that linked the other two resorts and had some shops, a sports bar, and a casino.

There were also two macaws in a cage nearby.  I hope they get out sometimes.

This was outside the sports bar.  We only went to the one at our resort, so we're not sure what this one was like.  The sign on the left listed all of the MLB games for the day.  We wondered if they were available to watch there.  Had we had more days we probably would have checked it out further.

This was the view on Caribbean Street.  It was really pretty, but boy was it hot that day!

This was a courtyard at one of the other resorts.  They all looked weirdly similar in style but with slight differences.  This one had lighted shapes and terra cotta statues.

There was a spot between the resorts labeled as the Mangroves.  We found out it was just a lot of foliage, but fortunately the bridge across it got us back to our resort more directly. While we were walking we heard a noise, and we realized it was a giant green lizard, probably a foot or more long, climbing through the foliage.  I wish I could have snapped a picture!

I did manage to get a picture of a pretty butterfly when we got back to our resort.

We had found the gym on our walk (though, as it turns out, there was a closer, possibly better one right near our lobby), so we changed our clothes and went back for a workout.  I couldn't have asked for a better view while doing my curved treadmill workout.

We decided to grab lunch near the beach as there was another buffet there.  Again, food wasn't ideal but we found some things.  Craig discovered that they maybe don't de-bone their salmon there quite like we do, so that was frustrating and turned him off of his beloved salmon most of the rest of the trip.  But you really couldn't beat the view!

We were originally going to go to the beach, I think, or at least check it out, but we ended up running into other folks from our group who said they were going to one of the pools.  They also recommended a drink, so of course we got one of those from the beach bar.  Highly recommend it.  We think it was called a Banana Mama--at least the bartenders knew what we meant when we said it--and it was a winner.

The beach did look fabulous, though, and I was going to make darn sure we went the next day.

We made our way over to the pool of choice and discovered the joy of swim-up bars.  The pool we were in was SO warm, almost too warm for the 90 degree day. But we had a great group of folks there--again, lots of old school Knighthawks folks, as well as some of the staff/family from the three-peat era.  There were little nooks along the side and some stools at the bar that we all sat at for hours!  The drinks just kept coming--from other frozen ones to strawberry mojitos--so it was a really fun afternoon with the whole group.  Eventually I needed a break so I went to a cabana nearby where I took these pictures (and got an annoying sunburn on my upper thigh on the side where the sun was--ugh!).

Looking over at the bar

Looking down as the pool just seems to keep going...though there was actually a break around the corner before another one that went all the way to the other end of the buildings.  The pools were huge!

I was so happy in that moment, just taking it all in and feeling immensely grateful for the entire opportunity.  It was a huge opportunity to just rest and focus on something other than kids and work.  I wished I could just bottle that feeling up and bring it home with me.  Aside from the heat, I could have sat there forever.

That night was an event off-site that we had chosen not to sign up for, as we were not comfortable going out of the safety of the resort.  But then we were told there were tickets available for us, and I think the insinuation was sort of that we should go.  Not wanting to seem ungrateful, we relented, so we hopped out of the pool in the late afternoon, ordered room service for an early-ish dinner, and got ready to go out.  Our food took forever, but finally arrived just in time to eat quickly and go.  We were taking a group photo in the lobby beforehand, and while we were waiting we took pictures of another couple and they took pictures of us:

Not my best angle, but whatever!

While we were waiting for the bus, we got this fun picture of Craig with the crew of coaches, all of whom were with the 2007 team, too.  The guys on the end were players with that team (coaches now), second from left has been an assistant coach all along, and the middle guy was head coach of the 2007 team and an assistant coach for the three-peat.  Great group of guys!

As we were waiting, we found out that earlier that morning, the one assistant coach above and one of the wives (who's a cop in real life) were called into action because a woman across the way from them was having a medical emergency.  Apparently she'd had chest and back pain overnight, took some aspirin and went back to bed, but stopped breathing at some point.  They managed to do CPR and use a defibrillator to get her heart restarted, but she died en route to the hospital.  I was absolutely gutted to hear that, especially once we heard she wasn't much older than us and apparently had kids at home (per the pleas of her husband that she had to be saved to go home to them).  They were there with a bunch of other couples from California.  It pretty much validated every fear I had about taking this trip, that God forbid something happened and I never went home to my kids.  I can't even fathom how awful that had to be for that husband and the kids he had to go home to.  Craig and I were both so impacted by that story, especially since he'd had some discomfort working out that morning that he attributed to the heat and his asthma, and I've been nervous to do anything intense for months because my heart rate goes higher than I'm comfortable with.  Needless to say, we both have it on our agendas to get those things checked out.  It was so horrible to think about.

Chandeliers at night in the main lobby entrance

The show we were going to was Coco Bongo, which is apparently a pretty famous thing in a couple other tropical tourist locales.  We had done a little research to better understand what it was and whether it was safe, and we could only imagine what to expect based on the variety of reviews we read.  We figured that with a group that large we had a bit of a buffer at least, and I have to think that with all the tourists and all of the people they have at each show, if there were concerns the internet would have made them more apparent.  We were a little nervous as we heard the show could go long into the night, but the plan was to have a bus there at midnight regardless.  So, onward we went and hopped on the bus from the resort to the venue, probably about 15-20 minutes.  They handed us a drink right off the bus (I barely sipped it--I have trust issues), so that was a sign of things to come.

We weaved through a VIP line and got seated high above the floor, which was at least more comfortable than the giant standing crowd down below.  Even though we had decent seats, I found myself looking around thinking of all of the hazards and how hard it might be to get out if there was a fire or shooting.  It felt like one of those typical third world nightclub tragedies waiting to happen.  But we had to just hope for the best.  It turned out to be a mix of a dance club, Vegas-style performances, and a Cirque du Soleil performance.  There were lots of music videos with scantily clad live dancers (lots of butt cheeks and cleavage--plus one video that plainly put full boobs on display), some movie spoofs, lip syncs with impersonators of various singers, and some amazing acrobats.  I guess I should have known we were in for quite a show when a little person dressed like The Mask showed up early on.

They actually had a full-sized Mask walking around, putting his hat on women and taking pictures with everyone, with the idea being that they came back later trying to sell you the photo and a souvenir frame.

The show used a couple large video screens and a stage hidden behind them, as well as a stage in the middle of the floor that periodically got converted to a bar where girls were encouraged to stand and dance.  The cameras were always looking around at the crowd.  Early on at one point it panned the entire crowd and I had my phone ready to covertly take our picture when it got to us.

The show itself was something else.  As I mentioned, it went from dancers with music videos to the various impersonators or movie segments.  There were massive confetti drops, streamer guns, massive blown air jets, and lasers.

Confetti and air blowing down from the ceiling

One of the odd things was that a lot of music and videos were Spanish-language songs that we didn't know, but with a very international crowd, there was still a full crowd of people singing right along.  They did a thing with flags to get people to cheer (the US flag got booed...ouch) and there were definitely a lot of Puerto Ricans there, among other Hispanic countries.  But it was such an odd feeling to have a whole room of people who knew songs you didn't, and it felt a little like I had missed a whole swath of pop culture.  They did have a lot of American stuff, so it was fine, but it was a really strange dynamic and one of those things that reminds you you're in a foreign country.  

For the performances, we were hoping for real impersonators, but they were really just dancers made up to look like celebrities who were lip syncing to the music.  The performances were good, pretty high production values in general, but the best was the acrobats.  They swung on wires and ropes and silks.  It was really impressive, if even a bit scary.  It was Cirque-type stuff in a small venue with very little safety backup.  At one point one of them grazed the crowd (they did have handlers to push them back toward the stage) and apparently a woman got kicked in the face.  But for the most part they were pretty much on target. 

Here are some examples of what we saw, starting with the early dancing.  There was a lot of this throughout the night, but the floor definitely filled up later.

One of the acrobatic performances:

Part of the Beetlejuice portion:

More acrobats and lasers:

This was one of the crazier acrobat segments:

A streamer blast:

What it looked like when they gave the entire audience balloons (the type you shape):

This was a really cool Spiderman segment:

We knew things could get a little funky as the night went on, and while we'd heard a bit about girls lifting their tops, we didn't really see that.  We did see the little person in the Beetlejuice outfit trying to engage a really sexy woman into his little skit (which felt super awkward).  There was one time when a girl on a dancing platform got air blown up her skirt to show her undies and butt (definitely not in America anymore, eh?).  Near the end of the night, there was an old guy dancing on a platform who stripped down to his underwear before mooning the crowd.  We also saw the camera pan to two old guys who were with a couple young women who quickly turned away from the camera, and we're pretty sure they were escorts of some sort.  I can see how it would become quite the party as the night goes on and the drinks flow freely.  We also got a second drink as a part of our package, but I didn't touch that one and just stuck with round 3, the bottle of water.  Craig had a beer, but for the most part I wanted to keep my wits about me and use the bathroom as little as possible.  I guess it was fun to see a lot of people having a good time, but part of me was having a definite "I'm too old for this stuff" moment.  There were a lot of young people there, including some sort of senior trip that was called out on the screens, and I can't imagine sending my teenager to a situation like that.  But I guess other cultures have different perspectives. 

The biggest problem for almost everyone was that the show was SO long.  It was entertaining, but sitting there for four hours was a lot.  It was loud and overstimulating.  I think the consensus was that it was cool and definitely an experience, but that it would have been much better had it been shorter.  It could have been condensed a lot.  We walked out in the middle of a Michael Jackson segment at midnight when the bus arrived, and while I wondered what we might miss, I had been ready to leave for about an hour and a half at that point, and I think everyone else was pretty much on the same page.  It was mostly a sleepy bus ride, but right near the end, some of the guys (namely a pair of brothers) got into some silly shenanigans in the back of the bus.  But considering the chaos we left, it was probably pretty tame.  It was quite a relief to get back to our room, but it was such a late night!  I gave myself a free pass to sleep in the next morning, even though I hated wasting so much of our time sleeping!  But relaxation was also part of the gig, so sleeping in was a must!

Escape to Paradise - Day 1

As I mentioned in my last post, the lead-up to leaving was a bit crazy.  The entire week was just one thing after another--from the mostly-unplanned medical stuff with the kids, to tracking down a last-minute haircut for me, to figuring out how to finish my work and get packed, even though I wasn't really confident we'd make the trip at all if anything cropped up with the kids' medical tests.  It was truly maddening and miserable.  I guess it makes the lead-up excitement a non-factor.  As much as I wanted to be one of those "countdown on my phone" people, my anxiety made that decidedly unwise. I'm not sure I believed we'd actually make it on this trip until we hopped in the van.  

On Friday I worked three extra hours beyond what I wanted to, and Craig was running Jacob around to his last final exam and a bunch of medical tests.  That just seemed to set everything back.  My parents were leaving Buffalo as I was leaving my office, which I didn't know until I talked to them, as there was a chance we'd drop the kids at their house on our way through.  So, it ended up they just sat around on their devices and chatted with Carter (and sometimes shouting to me) while I wrapped up work and packed for a couple hours.  Luckily I had a packing list mostly figured out, but I'd been hesitant to really start pulling things into my pile because it would be demoralizing to have to put those things away again if we didn't go.  But by this point my work was done, my parents were there, and by all accounts this was happening.  I was quite nervous but slowly coming to peace with things, especially once Jacob's tests came back okay--other than them deciding that maybe it was reflux.  Carter, by the way, was fine.  His face wasn't getting any worse, and still no pain.  We started hydrocortisone and an anti-fungal cream (and later added in an antibiotic when the swab came back positive), but a full week later the jury's still out on whether anything is helping.  The sore on his mouth seems to be healing a bit but the swelling remains.  Ugh.  But at least he seems fine.  Anyway...

We finally wrapped things up and got on the road later than we'd have liked, but at a not-unreasonable time for the three hour trip to Toronto.  Customs was completely clear and we had a beautiful sunset for most of the trip.  We stopped in Niagara Falls on the Canadian side for dinner because they had a Firehouse Subs.  It was actually in a pretty cool touristy area away from the Falls.  I'd like to go back there and explore some time.  The view along the way was really pretty, and we got to the hotel once darkness had pretty much fully set in.  

Toronto is in the distance there somewhere

Craig picked a hotel with a park-and-fly option, so the van would just stay there and we'd take a shuttle to the airport in the morning.  We got upgraded on our hotel room for the night, which of course we could not enjoy because we really just needed to get to bed.  Our room had a bathroom with a toilet and jacuzzi tub, a living room, and a king bed...with a full view of a rainfall shower in the corner of the room.  Wait, what now?  Yup.  Open shower in full view of the bed.  Maybe that's why they gave us that room, because it doesn't actually work for families unless you're really comfortable with nakedness.

We had to be up and out early since you're supposed to get to the airport a full three hours ahead for an international flight.  The 4:45 alarm sucked.  On the bright side, the sun comes up so early right now that it wasn't dark for long and once we were up it was easy to forget how early it was.  Craig was a little annoyed right off the bat because I just made it to the shuttle on time.  Look, I have no concept of how long it takes me to get ready when I don't have kid stuff to do, and when it's that early I'm hesitant to go any earlier than needed.  I was happy to be on time and not actually late.

The shuttle was super quick as the sun rose, and just as we arrived we ran into other people from our group.  We had some minor issues with the check-in machines reading Craig's passport, and then we ended up having to check our carry-on suitcases because that airline was extra picky about it.  Mine has been fine (or at worst gate checked) on every other flight I've been on with it, so that was a bummer.  But I had packed my backpack to be reasonably decent in the event something went wrong, so I at least I was prepared.

We continued to run into people from our group as we grabbed breakfast and headed to the gate.  We also saw this guy...
 

The gate was probably the nicest one I have ever been at.  There were nice tables and outlets everywhere.  Tons of space!  Good thing, since security was super fast and we had a lot of time to kill.  Our flight wasn't leaving until 9am, and at one point I looked at my watch and it was only around 6:45.  But the more people that showed up, the more we passed the time talking and catching up.  I knew some of the old school folks that had been around since the 2007 team (mostly three of the current coaches, a former coach/GM, and Amerk legend Jody Gage and his wife), and knew some of the players in passing, but I barely knew any of the wives.  But everyone was really nice and we had a good time seeing all the reunions.  It's a little strange being in the airport and on a flight with lots of people you know, but that was pretty much the theme for the week, running into people you know everywhere you go.

Craig and I were across the aisle from one another for the flight.  I wished I had a window, or that more people left their window shades open, but thankfully the plane had phone-based entertainment and I was able to watch "Wish"--one less thing to worry about before the next Disney trip.  I wore a mask--I definitely didn't need anyone's COVID, flu, or cold--and I felt a little weird about it until some guy a few rows up starting puking (or was at least getting fanned as if he did), at which point Craig asked me for one.  Not so weird, now, am I?  Otherwise it was pretty uneventful.  I just started to see some mountains out other people's windows as we descended, and then lots of green and water.  I was grateful when we finally arrived as three-plus hours feels like a lot these days.

The airport looked like...well, what I guess you might think a tropical airport looks like.  It actually made me think of a Disney resort like the Polynesian because it had a thatched roof.  You also have to get off the plane on the tarmac, go down a glass enclosed ramp (which is like a greenhouse), and board a bus to the terminal.  

View from the ramp coming off the plane.  You can see the roof in the background.

Inside was just as "fake rustic".  The baggage claim ceiling was thatched and open air.  They had giant fans to circulate the air, but it was hot.  I find it amazing they do it like that because they get hurricanes there and I feel like you'd have to redo the entire baggage claim every time a storm blows through.

We were obviously eager to see our bags and thankfully they arrived pretty early.  We tried to get into happy vacation mode with a selfie.

It was a hot walk from the terminal to the hotel bus, and of course people were selling water and beer when we got there.  I couldn't drink anything until I ate, as it was mid-afternoon and I hadn't had much since first thing in the morning.  The drive to the resort was interesting.  Some areas looked modern and new (including a Taco Bell across from the airport), but there was also a lot of what you would expect--half built buildings, run down shops, etc.  There was a definite mix.  On the way into the resort we saw a giant set of water slides, but alas, that was the resort next door.  There was another smaller one when we got closer, which was actually part of our sister resort, but it looked pretty kid-based so I never tried to visit.  But upon arrival, ours looked pretty nice.

Looking out from the open air lobby

The lobby was very pretty.  There are actually three seamless resorts on the property.  You have access to all three and they all look similar but with slightly different theming.  The setup of the lobby is nearly identical in all three, but different chandeliers and color palettes.  Ours was my favorite.

This taken from the stairs in the lobby building overlooking the bar.

There was a snack spread near the check-in area and one of the first things I found was the Country Club soda I was looking for.  We had tried it at Club Cool in EPCOT and loved it.  However, I realized that the one we had there might be a slightly different version because the one at the resort looked just like orange Fanta.  The Club Cool one was called "Country Club Meringue" and was supposed to taste "tropical", whereas the bottled ones were noted to be "Naranja", which means orange.  I did see another flavor in the airport (grape, I think) at the Pizza Hut where I ate on my way out, but I'm not sure where you find the Meringue version.  But it made me happy to find it there anyway.  

We got shown to our room, which was amazing.  We had a half bath just inside the door (Craig's bathroom), a full living room with a desk, couch, TV, hightop table, minibar, and stocked fridge...

...and a gorgeous bedroom with a full lighted wardrobe, soaking tub, and double sink.  There was one glass door to a toilet and another to the shower.  It felt very luxurious.  

And of course, both rooms had sliding glass doors out to a giant balcony patio.

Panorama view of the balcony

The balcony had a couch, table and two chairs, and a jacuzzi tub!

We had to wait around for our luggage for a long time.  We had an assigned butler who eventually did track it down for us.  We changed into our suits and got ready to dive into resort life.  We walked past the pools and eventually walked to the beach, which looked amazing.

Restaurant near the beach

We ended up at the bar near the beach chatting with people, and finally got drink #1, a strawberry daquiri.

The bracelet was our room key

We eventually walked to a pool with a few other couples from the old school Knighthawk crew and spent an hour or so drinking and enjoying the very warm pool water.  It was nice to just talk to other people.  It didn't really matter who you knew or didn't, because everyone just bonded over being together at this resort and the conversation flowed from there.  The poolside conversations were pretty much the best part of the trip.   

The pools unfortunately closed at 6pm because of the challenges of staying safe in the dark, so we walked back to the room, had a quick shower and headed to dinner.

The grounds were so beautiful.

Sunset was a bit earlier there because we were closer to the equator and we were actually an hour off from home--although the time zone was the same because they don't observe the time change.  So in the winter it would be an hour earlier, but when we move our clocks ahead in the spring it's back to even.  I caught a pretty view from the balcony as the sun went down.  The tall palm trees were amazing.

I couldn't help but take pictures of the foliage on our walk to dinner.  These flowers lined all of the walkways.  They were so pretty.

These fan palm trees were so cool.  They were huge!

This was the fountain outside the main lobby and buffet restaurant.  One day when it was thunderstorming we saw a guy cleaning the pool with a skimmer, standing in the water and holding a giant metal pole.  Probably not the best idea!

We went to the buffet for dinner that night since we hadn't really psyched out what needed reservations or nicer dress yet.  We ended up eating with the Gages and had some great conversations.  The buffet itself was a bit hit-or-miss.  The buffets tended to have quite a bit of local/ethnic cuisine, which didn't appeal to some people.  The food that was there was decent, but the buffet was so giant and had some made-to-order options, so it seemed like most buffet food got too cold by the time you were done wandering around.  I was impressed by the churro bar and the giant spread of breads.  

After dinner we ended up at the sports bar where all of our fellow travelers (mostly Canadians) wanted to watch the Stanley Cup Final game.  It was off the courtyard, which was near the theater, a few stores, the coffee shop, and another restaurant.

Inside the sports bar was a giant baseball.  I realized after that there was part of a bat there, too.  But I liked this picture better!

It had been a very long but amazing first day, so after an order of wings for Craig to offset his smaller buffet dinner, we headed back to the room for the night.  I almost couldn't fathom that this was our life for the next few days, and I couldn't wait to explore more the next day.

Final Countdown

When I first started writing this post, it began, "So, in a few days I will be all packed up and ready to leave on this crazy trip.  Today is not that day, and I am FREAKING out.  I have so much to do."  However, it now IS that day, I am still freaking out, and I still have so much to do.

Before I get into all of that, a funny little story.  I was looking at the date on Monday--June 10.  It struck me like it was significant, but I couldn't put my finger on it.  Later, I was looking at my calendar and noting Jacob's birthday in 10 days, which made me think back to another busy time, 16 years ago, when we were in the last 10 days of our life as a family of two.  I did a deep dive into the blog to read where my brain was back then, assembling furniture, dealing with 90 degree heat, and hitting my limit on pregnancy questions from random people.  It was such a different time, but one I remember oddly clearly.  It just made me smile at the irony of this week being crazy for an entirely different reason, in such a completely different phase of life, but still ultimately relating back to that baby who was kicking me from within 16 years ago this week.  Time is a thief and it never ceases to blow my mind thinking of the stages we've been through and how fast it all went--even when it felt slow.  I guess when I really sit and think about it, the passage of time seems fair.  We've been at this a long time now.  But I think we all sort of expect that the kid phase will feel like forever, because it did when we were kids.  But life gets busy and poof, those kid years are winding back down all of a sudden.  Nearly every parent ever has had this same odd realization--how fast it goes and how hard it's going to be to let go in a few years.  I'm seeing it again now with all of my friends whose kids are graduating one level or another--whether it's high school to college or college to the real world.  It's coming fast for us too.  But this week, those blog posts were pretty surreal.  Almost hard to believe there was ever a time where it was just the two of us.  But God willing, for the next five days, for the first time in forever, that's the plan again.

If you'd have told me 16 years ago (or heck, nine months ago) that I'd be prepping for a Dominican Republic trip, I'd have thought you were maybe a little crazy.  I mean, on one hand I'd probably have hoped that was part of a trend and we were world travelers by now, completely comfortable with leaving our kids for more than a few days to get time on our own.  My parents did it relatively often, after all, so why not us?  But the Dominican sounds pretty exotic, so I'm not sure I would have had that on my bingo card regardless.  The reality, of course, is that we haven't been on a real vacation on our own since Jacob was the size of a ping pong ball in my belly.  We've had overnights and weekends, including one very fun championship trip, but it's never lasted more than a couple days or nights.  Part of me wishes we'd have ripped the band-aid off sooner, but at the same time, it's becoming pretty clear why we didn't.

This week has been completely overwhelming.  Work alone would have been enough.  I had one unexpected delay with one of my projects and it made me crazy because I was originally shaping up so nicely to be in a good spot heading into vacation.  I crossed a bunch of stuff off my list this week, but this one thing was hugely unhelpful.  It finally got resolved on Thursday and I pushed through to get it in a good spot for Friday, but Friday ended up being challenging on its own, necessitating an extra three hours of work, mostly to leave my intern in a good spot for the week.  Packing is obviously overwhelming since we're not entirely sure what to expect other than very warm, humid weather, probably comparable to Orlando the last two years.  But how much will we dress up?  What will we be doing besides the pool or beach?  I wanted to stick to my carry-on, but would everything fit?  I had a full packing list ready, maybe aside from a couple last decisions, but it took me until dinner time Friday to have it all packed...and luckily everything fit.  

The bigger challenge has been prepping for what we're leaving behind.  I wanted the house to be relatively clean when my parents got there, so I really needed to do a once-over.  It took me until after baseball Wednesday night to do some dusting, and then a quick vacuum Friday.  They'll be sleeping in our bed so I needed to change the sheets on Friday amidst all the last minute prep.  I needed to track down some sort of guardianship form for the kids, so I typed up one of those Tuesday night.  Our basement is a bit of an issue because the dehumidifier I got last week as an in-warranty replacement wouldn't even turn on, so our basement has been damp and making laundry smell if it hangs to dry.  I got some baking soda and we took old friends up on an offer (via Facebook comment on my frustrated post) to borrow their extra one until the replacement's replacement gets here.  I typed up a three-page document for my mom with day-by-day info for the kids, their activities, drop-off times, details about each event and stuff around the house, plus a bunch of suggestions for food.  I had to revise it daily.  The boys' baseball schedules have been completely up in the air--Jacob's sort of split between two teams right now and the new team he'd prefer to play for has no schedule yet, despite the coach pushing for it.  Carter's team got shorted two games because of rainouts and they were supposed to extend the schedule into next week but it never happened and Wednesday's game was treated as the last.  That actually felt like a bit of a relief so we didn't overwhelm my parents.  But of course, it couldn't be that easy and they scheduled three more games--two while we're gone and the third when we're supposed to be in Pittsburgh next weekend.  So much for easy.  But I guess it's good for the kids.  Even if the baseball is pretty bad, it's still fun for the kids.  They are 8-1-1, and Carter got what we thought was the last winning run of the season thanks to some actual stolen bases (not just pass balls!).  He made a couple really nice plays at first in the last few games, so that seems to be a good spot for him.

As if all of that wasn't enough, the kids threw a couple health issues in the mix.  We went to a routine med check on Tuesday, and Jacob's blood pressure was oddly high, like 142/70 or something like that.  We were a bit confused, but a second try at the end of the appointment was only slightly lower on the bottom number.  The doctor wasn't super concerned, but said to keep an eye on it, maybe going to the machine in the pharmacy or whatever.  Well, later that night we asked if he'd had any lightheadedness, and he said he sort of did, but it could be sinus stuff from the cold he was getting over.  Then he said that he had a little chest discomfort during his workout the previous day.  Like, you couldn't have mentioned that when we were at the doctor wondering why your BP was high?!  Our concern ramped up his concern and soon it was like an all-out panic attack, so we frantically tried to find an urgent care that would take our insurance and was open past 8pm, as an all-night ER visit didn't sound great since he had tests this week.  We mostly just needed to get him an EKG.  It came out clear and his BP was down in the 130 range there, so we were thinking maybe his body was just reacting to the remnants of the cold?  He seemed better after that, but when he was still having chest pain, Craig had to get it figured out so Friday was spent taking Jacob between bloodwork, his last final, and a few other tests.  There was some arguing and frustration about how this felt like it had gotten completely out of whack, but in the end, all came out fine but they suspect maybe reflux at this point.  Maybe it's all stress.  We'll see.

At the same med check, we had the doctor look at the sore on the corner of Carter's mouth.  It's been there for months, no matter how much cream we put on it.  He suggested using hydrocortisone, which seemed to help a bit.  But Wednesday night after Carter's game, as I was putting it on, I noticed his face looked a little swollen on that side.  I looked in his mouth and the inside and outside of the lower cheek was definitely puffy.  I agonized about it overnight, wondering what on earth was happening.  He had loose teeth over there but nothing looked red or infected, although the back of his mouth near where molars will be coming in looked...off.  So first thing in the morning we called the dentist and were able to get him in at 10:30 (it could have been earlier but he had a Flag Day assembly that he didn't want to miss).  The hygienist and dentist both took good looks at him and were stumped.  X-rays and all, they didn't see any dental issues or infection, and there was nothing that would have caused trauma to the area.  It was too localized for an allergy, so they suspected something viral.  But they recommended going to the pediatrician again, so I called and got a 1:30 appointment, meaning he'd miss the rest of the school day.  The ped focused more on the sore itself rather than the swelling.  I think he's assuming it's coming from there, which is possible.  So he took some swabs (they will take a few days) to look for bacteria or fungus, and suggested doing an anti-fungal cream with the steroid cream for now.  Luckily it didn't seem to get any worse overnight, but it's unnerving leaving both kids with medical mysteries as we're about to leave the country.

I'll be honest, for a while I think we didn't think the trip would happen.  Too much was going wrong, there was too much to do, and everything just felt impossible.  I had some very sad, very desperate moments this week, ranging from fear to jitters about being away from the kids to exhaustion to about a million other emotions.  It was not a good week at all.  

But, as I wrap up this post I'm now sitting in our upgraded hotel suite in Toronto less than 10 hours from boarding a plane to Punta Cana.  I'm not sure how it all finally fell into place, and saying goodbye to the kids was tough, but here we are.  First time in 16 years we'll be away from the kids for more than a couple nights...and in paradise no less.  So much more to come, obviously.  But for now I need my four-and-a-half hours of sleep!

Baseball Life

We are definitely in the thick of this baseball season now.  It has pretty much taken over and might only get worse for a bit with two kids playing now.  Craig and I will get a break via the Dominican Republic, but I feel a little bad transferring it over to my parents for a few days!

Ironically, Carter's season was supposed to be nearly over by now.  Our last scheduled game is next Wednesday, but the league told us they were extending the season for a week due to rainouts.  We haven't seen additional games come through, which is only making me crazier because that would be the week we're gone and I need to know what my parents will need to cover.  It's hard to believe how fast the season has gone, especially since early on it felt like it just couldn't get going due to a pretty brutal run of weather.  I think we've settled in pretty well, though the weather has still been unpredictable.  The team is playing well, really only struggling against the one team that has an ace pitcher who strikes out nearly everyone he faces.  Luckily the last time we played them he barely got to pitch--we suspect he played significantly the previous game--but of course they brought him in for the last inning of a tie game to secure the tie.  That's actually pretty shady if Carter actually did overhear the coach say that he was impressed with how the kid threw despite throwing 92 pitches the last game.  I find that hard to believe--maybe it was an exaggeration--because they have very specific pitch limits at this age, but who knows.  I'm sure the temptation to overuse him is massive.  We have one clearly strong pitcher as well, and God knows it's usually a relief to see him pitching--and yet he's nothing like this other kid.  We're a bit more balanced, for sure.  Carter has struggled a bit more lately with strikeouts, but he's been retooling his swing a bunch so that's probably part of it.  But his fielding is stronger and he's still really enjoying it.  I'm really proud of him.

Last game we had a scary moment when he got hit by a pitch.  I happened to catch it on video since Craig was at Jacob's game and I was recording his at-bats.

He teared up a bit and the wind got knocked out of him, so his coach had him walk it off a bit.  He stayed out there, and sure enough he stole a couple bases and ended up scoring that inning.  Then shortly after that he got run over at first by a baserunner!  It looked pretty bad, but that one was fine.  But for his mama, it was a tough game to watch!  Shockingly he didn't end up bruising.  He's still sore, but he's good.

As I mentioned, Jacob had a game that night too.  He actually had his first game Saturday against a city team.  We weren't sure what to expect on either side, but it turned out that even though practices looked a little rag-tag, the team actually wasn't half bad.  Now, the other team WAS pretty bad, and in the end Jacob's team won 24-2.  Jacob got a hit and played overall pretty well.  This was the hit:

He did have one minor fielding issue, but he recovered well and was instrumental to ending the game.  It was fun to see him back out there after all these years, although now he looks like a giant!  His second game, the same night Carter got beaned, ended up a tie (just like Carter's game).  Jacob got a double in that game, but he also got his first strikeout, maybe ever, but definitely one of very few.  Jacob almost always got on base when he was little.  I'm sure there were a few ground outs and things like that, but it was rare that he ever didn't get on base.  So, striking out this time was a little surprising!  There's probably more of a learning curve than he thought, but on pure talent alone I think he's a couple steps up from a lot of these kids.

As a whole I think both teams struggle with the same issues, albeit at slightly different levels.  What we can surmise at this point is that most of the good players have moved on to travel baseball or are playing for school in the spring and choosing not to do Little League.  What's left is a bunch of mediocre players, which isn't a bad thing as it gives the players like Carter a shot at fitting right in despite their lack of experience.  Both teams struggle with fielding and especially pitching.  Sometimes you see a kid that can't even bat, but I don't think that's much different proportionally than the earlier stages--there were always one or two who just couldn't get the hang of it and probably are happier playing music or creating art these days.  Fielding being a problem surprised me at both levels--lots of bobbles, missed grounders, and off-target throws.  I don't remember it even being this bad during Jacob's last year, but that was also before they played travel at that age so there were probably enough good kids still around to keep it tolerable.  I would argue that a good catcher is an underrated help as wild or uncaught pitches account for probably 90% of runs, especially at Carter's level.  They always steal bases on pass balls, and when your pitcher is iffy and your catcher can't catch either, there's a lot of those.  It wasn't bad when they couldn't steal home early on, because once bases were loaded, it meant they would either walk someone in or at least be forced to do some fielding if there was a hit ball.  But once they could steal home, they usually do that so often that half the time the bases empty out on one bad series of pitches to one batter, before there's ever another hit.  We hit a lot of inning run limits now as a result. 

Speaking of which, more than anything, pitching is a huge issue and a major game changer.  If you have one above-average pitcher and a couple decent pitchers in relief, you will likely win.  Most pitchers can't do more than two innings because of pitch count limits, so if you can get an edge on the other team through two innings and just stay even with them the rest of the way, you're in good shape.  As I mentioned, Carter's team has one kid that's emerged as the go-to guy.  He seems like a really sweet but sensitive kid.  He gets a good number of strikeouts, but sometimes gives up more balls than he'd like.  The other night he came over to his parents on the verge of tears after the first inning.  Even though he'd struck out two batters, he was upset he'd given up enough balls for them to get a few runs, which is not at all uncommon.  At the end of the game I made sure to tell him that he was already better than a bunch of the pitchers we saw in Jacob's first game, despite them being so much older.  I hope that reassured him.  

As I mentioned, the team we were playing Monday had a dominant pitcher.  The kid throws hard and accurate, and he's almost unbeatable.  It's unlike anything I've seen so far in any other game.  When he came in for the last inning, he struck out all three of our batters in a row (including Carter) to preserve the tie.  Last time we played them, he killed us--we lost 11-2, our only loss of the season.  We feel like he pitched more than he should have in that game, but I guess it's tough to tell because he can likely keep his pitch counts low by throwing a lot of strikes, which means he can probably last more than the typical two innings.  We were surprised he barely pitched in the tie game, but it almost had to be previous game pitch counts.  Truthfully, I'm guessing any coach would strongly consider bending the rules to get him in for an inning in a situation like that to salvage the tie, but it was pretty suspect.  That kid should probably be playing travel (for everyone's benefit, including his own future prospects, considering how good he is).

The pitchers and catchers at Jacob's first game were only slightly better than most of what we see in Carter's games--our team, at least.  The other team was probably no better.  Overall they had more legit hits and fewer stolen bases since the field is big(ger) enough that there's not always enough time to steal on a pass ball.  That made it better baseball overall, but I'd still say a good number of the 24 runs were actually walked in.  Ouch.

Both teams' games go longer than they should.  Carter's have a two-hour limit and we've generally made it through four innings at that point.  Jacob's first game was a little faster in general, but I think that first one got called on a mercy rule, but only after they got through four innings.  The last one got called due to darkness, but at least they made it to the fifth inning in that one.  But generally they are slow.  It makes me jealous of the t-ball kids on the other side of the complex, just happily running around the field and wrapping up after an hour.  I can't say that was great baseball with the rules they used, but it was blissfully short and therefore tolerable.  Coach pitch was the best of the worlds - better rules, decent pitches, and a good number of hits.  Kid pitch is when it gets ugly, and in fact I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason Jacob quit when he did.  Yes, lacrosse was his focus by then and the idea of doing travel lacrosse was exciting, but I think it was only able to leapfrog baseball because baseball got super boring when he hit kid pitch.  We knew what we were getting into with Carter coming back into the next age group up, but I don't think we expected it as much with Jacob's current group.  It's fine, we're making it work, and truth be told I'll probably be a little sad when the season is over.  Because, honestly, who wouldn't want this view?

So, anyway, we're just really proud of the boys for taking this on this summer, and it's been (mostly) enjoyable to watch.  I miss having easier dinner planning and my workouts are taking a hit, but it only lasts so long and there are few things better than a nice day at the field watching your kid do what they love.  I don't see either of them giving it up anytime soon, so we're along for the ride as long as it lasts.

Battling My Brain

Anxiety sucks.  In less than two weeks Craig and I will be driving to Buffalo, dropping off the kids, and driving on to Toronto to take an early Saturday morning flight to what seems to be a tropical paradise.  I should be so excited.  Instead I am a bundle of nerves.

This feels a lot like last spring when we were planning out the epic week-and-a-half Midwest odyssey that ended up turning into two long weekends.  I was losing sleep and was completely on edge for a solid month or more.  This time it's manifesting a bit differently, but it's no less stressful.  Once in a while I am up late thinking or have a dream that wakes me up with some "awake for no reason" ruminating, but most of the time there's just a troubling undercurrent to everything I do.  I'm working and thinking about how I don't want the trip to put more pressure on my co-workers while I'm gone.  I'm prepping for year-end school activities and worried about what we're missing.  I'm looking at the boys' busy schedule and wondering if my parents will be able to manage it all.  I'm cooking dinner and wondering how my mom will figure out how to feed Jacob for five days.  I'm doing things around the house and think about what would happen if something went wrong and I'm not around to do those things.  I realize that's a bit extreme, but I don't make it a habit of traveling internationally away from my kids for a reason.

I want to be excited about it, I really do.  I've never gone anywhere like this and you know how much I love seeing new places and experiencing new things.  A fancy suite, luxurious resort, and tropical beach...I mean, that sounds amazing.  And Craig and I haven't had more than a weekend away alone since before Jacob was born.  He turns 16 right as we get back, so...yeah, we're probably due.  I've talked before about how my parents went on trips pretty frequently (in comparison, anyway) when I was a kid.  They went to Disney World without us, for Pete's sake.  But it was different because we had grandparents and aunts and uncles on both sides to spread out the responsibility.  We were local, we were pretty low maintenance, and there were a couple layers of backup if something were to go wrong.  We just needed a place to sleep and eat, and someone to shuttle us around.  All of our cousins went to the same schools, so at worst our rides were covered, and my one uncle had no job, so in theory he was always around to help.  I enjoyed the time with my grandparents and the inevitable spoiling, even though I missed my parents and worried endlessly like the good little undiagnosed anxious child I was. 

As we've talked about wills and guardianship options, I'm envious of how many options my parents had to pick guardians for us in their will, because my dad had multiple siblings that lived locally and already had other kids and certainly would have been willing to take us on if tragedy struck.  If God forbid anything happened to us, my kids' entire lives would be uprooted, far above and beyond the already jarring loss of parents and their home.  They'd have to move to a new city and leave everything behind because we don't really have options here.  We're not very comfortable with pretty much any option, to be honest, for lots of different reasons ranging from finances to lifestyle to age.  Our kids may be older at this point, so it's not like handing someone an infant to raise for the next 20 years, but still...it feels quite impossible to us.  We had some plans to work something out before we left, but that stalled and I'm stuck in analysis paralysis and not sure what to do now.

The other night I climbed into bed and Craig was watching the beginning of "Couples Retreat".  I don't know if that was on purpose or not.  But hoo-boy, there were a lot of parallels.  We pretty much are the Vince Vaughn-Malin Akerman couple.  We're overdue for a solo trip, don't get out much, burned out on our kids, and probably in need of a relationship recharge.  When they meet with the counselor in the movie, they talk a lot about "getting through" things together pretty well, and that's probably about how we'd describe ourselves too.  We're more "survive" than "thrive", and while we've probably survived things a lot of other couples would not have, we've probably lost a lot of ourselves individually and as a couple over the years.  Our pre-kid travels definitely had a different vibe.  Things change, and that's fine, but I suppose we're quite overdue.  I'm often derided by Jacob for being too serious and not fun, and yet I think I was pretty fun back in the day.  But when you have to be the one who feels the pressure to keep the train from flying off the rails (in multiple different ways), sometimes the humor and fun get lost a bit.  It's not that I'm incapable of fun, it just usually has to take a backseat to managing all the things, and by the time I do what I have to do, there's probably no energy left for anything else.  My hope is that once I'm in a tropical paradise experiencing something I never thought I would, I'll let go of the anxiety of what I left behind and just live in the moment.  FaceTime and Messenger should be a helpful aid, just in case, to stay connected and ensure all is well.  I would have loved to have that when I was a kid and my parents traveled, because the reassurance they were okay would have been comforting.  

I'm planning on taking my personal laptop and checking my work email there.  I don't want to actually work, but it helps to log in, clear out junk, and keep things moving, so I'm less likely to come back to hundreds of emails after the trip.  I'll only have one full work day that week (and maybe a couple hours on a vacation day Friday) to get myself caught up, so I think checking in once a day is a little bit of insurance against extra stress on anyone else, or on me when I get back.  I'm trying to get as much done ahead as possible, as well, so that part is less concerning at the moment.  I will say that pretty much every colleague I tell about the trip is pretty much like, "Yes, you should definitely go," and my big boss was like, "What can I do to help?" because she has kids and gets it.  So I don't think anyone's holding it against me, but they probably think I'm a little nuts about being so hesitant. 

Even though I know my parents are capable humans, they are older and more comfortable in their own element.  I know they want to be able to bring the kids back to their house at some point, but given the baseball schedules and school schedules, I don't know that it will work.  Jacob wraps up exams on the day we leave, but Carter has school Monday and Tuesday.  Carter will likely have baseball on Saturday, and maybe Monday and Wednesday, and Jacob could have 2-3 games in there as well, and his may be in other towns.  Luckily Carter's early mornings are done by then, but Jacob may need some training or treatments during the day when Carter is at school.  Food is a whole other issue.  My mom is a very capable cook, but she'll have to do it in my kitchen and have to figure out gluten-free meals for five days.  They can go out a bit, but there are only so many places Jacob can eat.  So I'm wondering if I need to make a meal plan, if I need to buy food, and how much I need to prepare.  I'm at Wegmans twice a week, so I either need to buy a ton ahead or hope my mom can figure it out with Jacob in tow.  And then there's the whole accommodation situation.  Would it be weird if I changed our sheets so they could sleep in our bed?  A basement air mattress seems like a bad idea, and couches work for a night but not days on end.  So what is going to work best there?  And amidst all the trip prep and packing, I will also feel compelled to clean my house.  I know my mom would insist I don't, but let's face it, the filth we ignore on a daily basis is more than they're used to.  Ultimately I know my mom is willing to do whatever, maybe because she knows their parents did it back in the day.  My dad was actually mad we weren't staying the whole time, but at the same time he hates being away from home so his ability to help may be limited.  They're also both in their 70s, which wasn't the case with my grandparents until I was a teenager, and by then I mostly just stayed with my grandma across the street.  All she had to do was feed me dinner, provide me a bed, and probably get me to school, because I could run back and forth between houses to get ready in the morning or have access to my stuff.   This is a lot more labor intensive, and despite best intentions, I worry this could get tiring and stressful for them.  I have such a complex about not wanting to burden or disappoint other people, and this trip is hitting that particular nerve repeatedly.  

I also keep finding things to be nervous about.  Weird things happen on tropical islands.  Less so at nice, five-star resorts, but still.  I'm not planning on leaving the resort, which seems safest, but things can go wrong anyway.  We don't know for sure that the water is safe and we don't know how controlled the mosquitos are (especially because they love me).  I did send my doctor a message to see if there are shots or anything that I should make sure to have, but she just directed me to a list most appropriate for those going to less controlled rural areas.  A Facebook inquiry revealed a lot of people have not done anything prior to going.  We don't know how trustworthy our charter flight there, the airport shuttle, or even the staff will be.  And what happens if weather becomes an issue, especially when I'm alone at the airport on the way home?  I haven't eaten or drank quite like this place will allow for a long time, and not that I'll be out of control, but sometimes fun takes over when you haven't had much action recently, right?  Over the weekend I was researching the resort and discovering the whole tipping of the staff thing will be yet another thing to figure out.  I just feel like such a fish out of water, and it makes my whole desire to plan ahead nearly impossible.  

It's also more uninterrupted time together than we've had in a decade and a half, so I'm slightly concerned that could have unexpected challenges--like those stories you hear about people who have been so invested in their kids that they have nothing else to talk about later, or even, shall we say...unequal expectations about how we should use that alone time?  There's a certain level of pressure there that everything needs to go smoothly for so many reasons.  Jacob has a whole other level of concern, and while Carter doesn't say much, I know this could be hard for him, too, because we've probably been away from him less than Jacob.  I dread coming home and hearing Jacob's commentary on what didn't go well, because he tends to take a lot of things personally, even if people were putting in their best effort.

I always battle against the fears that something will prevent us from going altogether--sickness, maybe a hurricane, or some other last-minute crisis--because I don't want to get my hopes up like I did for some canceled trips in the past.  Unfortunately, the COVID and hurricane issues that threatened our last Disney trip did nothing to ease those concerns for future trips, and here we are.  But I almost think I have so many other concerns this time around that those haven't ramped up as crazy just yet--but rest assured it will get worse once we hit the "deal breaker zone" where anything that crops up that week prior could have an impact.  A lot of days recently I've had that thought that I just shouldn't go at all.  Years ago I had a revelation that when you're feeling stress from trying to cram in too much, eliminating the most complicated thing usually means the rest of the things will go smoother.  That applied to things like weekends where we had a ton of plans and were trying to cram in a gratuitous Buffalo trip, or planning for a party and stressing about one element or another, meaning I need to simplify something.  Usually I've done my best to let go of the hardest thing and be okay with it, and as a result there have been many moments with this trip where it's like, "Why am I doing this to myself?  Not going would solve so many problems."  But truth be told, it's sort of jerky to drop out now, and not going would be so depressing, especially since Craig would probably go regardless because it's his former employer and colleagues.  Being stuck at home with the day-to-day struggles and stresses while he's in paradise?  Ugh, not great.  And honestly, if I put it off now, how much harder will it be to do it again on our own terms later once the precedent has been set that leaving the kids has been established as a cause for concern?  It could only get harder.  And this time most of our expenses are paid.  We will have to pay for a pre-airport hotel in Toronto and long-term parking, as well as airport shuttles and our flights back because we're both leaving early, plus the aforementioned tips, but there's no way we could afford this resort ourselves so it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I'd regret missing out on.  Assuming all goes smoothly, later on it will seem crazy to have worried and I'm sure we'll come back with lifelong memories regardless, but that still feels like a big "if".  I'd never forgive myself if something went wrong because it will inevitably feel selfish to have gone, even if all reasonable logic wouldn't blame us for taking advantage of a great situation that's long overdue.

I'm trying to get myself excited, but it's hard. Last weekend Craig went shopping to get himself a couple things for the trip, like a nice short-sleeved button down shirt that feels beach-appropriate.  The other day I was eyeing up floppy beach hats at Aldi that only cost $5 but figured I wouldn't have room in my luggage.  But the next Aldi trip they still had one and it seemed pretty packable.  But then I decided it looked a bit silly because it was so big and floppy, but I did get a new bathing suit.  They had ones for $12.99 and all the people online were raving about them, to the point one gastric bypass person lauded it for managing her extra skin just fine.  If it worked for her, it had to work for me, right?  I loved the one style, and my store happened to have it in my size.  It's a simple teal one-piece with a ruffle around a very deep-cut neckline.  I figured it was just the right amount of practical vs. sexy--fine to wear in our pool or on this kind of vacation (but maybe not a waterpark or local beach), but showing enough skin that Craig would be on board.  Sure enough, he was a big fan--even mentioning it to me again the next morning to make sure I was bringing it with us.  Ha.  I might also throw in my tiniest bikini, my beloved H&M find from probably 2004 that I haven't been able to part with all these years later.  I am not skinny enough to wear it in public or even in front of my kids, but in our personal patio hot tub for Craig's enjoyment?  Perhaps.  I see other people's tropical photos and think about that "Couples Retreat" scene where they get to the resort - where one character exclaims, "This looks like a screen saver!" and others marvel about the holes in the floor to see the fish - and want to experience that.  I want to feel excited and have a countdown on my phone like most people, but I am also terrified.  I feel so weird being so hesitant about something that should be awesome, but I just can't shake the worry.

So, with less than two weeks to go, I have about a million things to plan and prepare, and in the midst of it are a number of other events and challenges.  Carter has his Jr. Olympics and his orchestra Seabreeze field trip this week, although weather could impact both of those things as well as baseball for both boys on Wednesday and maybe Saturday.  Carter has a field trip and picnic next week, and both boys have a doctor appointment.  Jacob has a randomly early Regents exam tomorrow, and wraps up the rest next Friday.  He needs to be done as he has reached max capacity right now mentally and physically.  He's still dealing with leg issues, and then a stupid moment between the boys last night hurt his thumb, so now that's on the radar as well.  Getting him up every day is a struggle.  He is just over it.  And honestly, I get it...I pretty much am as well.  It's torture to drag myself out of bed most days, and work is a haul right now.  So I totally understand why he's struggling, but if I'm honest, part of life is just figuring out how to push through when you hit a wall like this.  I'd say we're lacking a bit in sympathy, though. because he's facing down two-plus months of no school in two weeks, whereas we have a mere few days off coming up and otherwise no end in sight.  I was thinking this morning about that feeling of summer vacation, and man, did that make me wish I could go back in time!  That feeling of freedom was unreal--the world was your oyster, the possibilities were endless (sort of, anyway), and it just felt so freeing to be done.  I could watch TV all day, play with my toys, read for hours, or ride my bike to Heather's, my cousins', my grandparents', or the library.  Maybe I'd get to go out to lunch or go shopping if my mom was home.  I could sleep in and didn't have to rush to get ready.  I wasted a lot of good time doing mindless stuff, but it worked for me.  He will get that break, too, but he just needs to push through these couple weeks.  Carter, on the other hand, still needs some camps scheduled, but that's yet another thing I can't seem to wrap my brain around.

I have no doubt these couple weeks are going to go fast.  Normally they go fast enough, but when things are complicated it's even faster.  I have plenty to fill my days and that's usually a sure-fire way to run out of time!  And in three weeks, it'll all be done and hopefully we have nothing but good memories to look back on.  But don't mind me over here fighting my brain to get there.