You may recall that when I found out Carter was a boy, I was pretty torn on the whole subject. I mean, I was super relieved that his ultrasound showed he was healthy, but the boy thing was tough for a bit. It meant I'd most likely never have a daughter, and that made me sad. I value my relationship with my mom, and I felt like I'd be missing out on something by not having that with my own daughter. After all, when boys grow up they "leave" their mom and their wife becomes the most important woman in their life (and if that's not the case, it gets awkward), but for girls, their mom can always be their best friend and it's completely socially acceptable. Eventually losing that connection with my boys definitely bummed me out.
The thing is, I know I'm probably a better boy mom than I would be a girl mom. I loved dolls as much as anyone when I was a kid, but now some dolls are weird and little girl stuff is oversexualized, so I think I'd have a hard time with toys and clothes. I was never good at hair or makeup, so I'd be lost there. I only liked shopping trips with my mom because I got to hang out with her alone. The actual clothes part was miserable. Buying bras was awkward enough the first time around, and giving a period talk probably makes me more nervous than any of the stuff I had to discuss with Jacob a few weeks ago. My never-solved low self-esteem issues as a tween/teenager leave me at a loss to help anyone else through that era. I feel like I'd be completely clueless. Empathetic, but clueless.
I'm probably wrong, but for whatever reason, boys seem harder to screw up. I've still probably managed to do just that with Jacob anyway, but with a girl with a fragile ego or a (completely foreign-to-me) independent streak still seems harder to wrangle. I'm not sure anyone can truly keep up with the energy of little boys, so I can't really be judged on that, but otherwise I don't feel like boys are as hard. Or at least, if I take Jacob out of the equation as he has to be an exception for so many reasons, Carter has been infinitely easier than I would imagine any girl would be. Dressing boys is easier and toys seem way less complicated. They are probably defiant but tend to have a lower level of sass, which would probably drive me nuts coming from my mini-me. Lower drama and lower maintenance are both right up my alley, but as my kids get older, I'm discovering my next challenge.
I'm finding it very hard to relate to my kids right now. I'm sure a girl would bring her own fair share of issues-- i.e., who is this crazy person and what did she do to my daughter--but I'm finding myself having less in common with the boys as time goes on. Luckily Carter is still pretty cuddly so I'll always take some quality snuggle time, but I know my time is limited in that realm, too. But when it comes to quality time and conversations, it's getting so much harder. When they were little, we talked about simple things--their day, their toys, simple TV shows, or other familiar things. Our playtime was simple, and we had lots of cuddle time. But now...they're both in school all day, and the stories that come out of there are far more complex than anything at daycare. Keeping track of which friends they're cool with and which friends aren't friends is very hard, considering it can change on a day-by-day basis. I also don't know these kids, or at least not well, and playdates just haven't been a thing--in either direction--and honestly, I'm not sure when we'd have the time anyway.
They both gravitate toward screens, and I admittedly have little-to-no interest in what they're doing. Carter plays every random, weird game possible, and Jacob spends his time watching weird YouTube videos and searching shopping sites for basketball equipment and sneakers. Carter's TV choices are getting far less educational and far more like brainless entertainment. Both of them talk about this stuff all. the. time. And because none of it interests me--and because it is so constant--it's so hard to really pay attention to the degree that I need to. I'm constantly multitasking, be it around the house because I have to or flipping through my phone because I need a mental break, and you'd be shocked how hard it is to truly pay attention to something that you're just not into, to the degree of detail the conversation might necessitate. I know that parental wisdom dictates that I should be into their stuff no matter what because it's their stuff, but that only goes so far. Here's the thing--my brain is full. On any given day, between home and work, I already have so much on my mind. And when you've been "on" all day, sometimes you just want quiet, which makes it extra hard to listen. There's only so much detail I can absorb about every type of basketball shoe or ball, or this player or that team, or how you play this weird app or who the character is in this weird cartoon. And when it's all coming at me at once, it's impossible. My brain literally blocks it out sometimes.
I try to play with them as much as I can, be it shooting hoops with Jacob or racing Carter, but when I'm home I usually have an endless to do list, so it takes some effort to set that stuff aside (and not end up in a deeper hole). When we're not outside (like all winter), options are limited. Carter needs to be forced to play with real toys, and Jacob considers himself too old for any of that stuff. I can't even relate to him on music because our tastes are completely different, and even food has been a sore subject lately because Jacob is tired of our limited gluten-free options for meals at home, meals out, and snacks. Add in the fact that I'm constantly yelling at the kids to stay away from each other, and you can see I'm not the most welcome conversation/play mate right now. We're just not connecting on anything, and I can't help but wonder where we go from here?
I wish I had an answer. I feel overextended and overwhelmed by life in general, and unfortunately I know my kids feel that. The fine line between self-care and selfishness is a tough one some days. I need to make time for my kids, but mentally sometimes I can't process another random detail. I want to stay in shape, but is it selfish to take 30-45 minutes every other day to squeeze in a workout when so many other things need to be done? I can't say no to housework forever (it's bad enough even with what I manage to get done), and we can't eat out that often so I have to take the time to shop and cook. Maybe if I cut out evening TV and social media time I could go to bed earlier and wake up refreshed, but that cuts into time alone with Craig and I won't get much done during the little "me time" I have. I know I'm not alone in this struggle--most moms feel it--and I really do know that I have a good life. I have all I need and I am blessed. For real. But I still have struggles and it's still something I need to work through, not just for my sake, but my kids'. They need to know they're loved and feel connected, and right now I'm not sure that's happening. I'm hoping next week when I'm off with the kids it's an opportunity to make some new connections, but I fear it will just be more time than usual for me to tell them to get off electronics and stop bugging each other. Sigh. We shall see...
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Sunday, April 7, 2019
Life and Death
Last week was a bit of an odd one. On one hand, I had babies on the brain. On the other, my thoughts were at the exact opposite end of the spectrum--death.
My co-worker is a month out from her first baby, and it's been a long time coming. It took so much just to get pregnant and some very good luck to stay pregnant, and now they're in the home stretch. It's so exciting, and we finally got to celebrate her this past week. It was fun sitting around the table and reminiscing about babyhood. It's shocking to realize how far out we are from that phase now. When I think about how Carter is six, it blows my mind. My cousin's baby shower is this coming week, so it will be more of the same.
I tried to figure out why I get so excited about babies, particular first babies. They're exciting, no doubt, but why do I find it darn near intoxicating? I think it's because it's the beginning of a total game-changer. You're in the final home stretch of your time as just a couple, with so many "new" things ahead. The entire dynamic changes. And while it can go very bad--which is probably one of the factors that always makes me a little anxious on others' wedding days--there is just something unique about that first baby experience. Trying to figure it out together, to find your new normal, to see another side of your spouse come out, to relive your childhoods together through this new little person...it's life-altering. To see someone in the final stages before all of this probably seems novel to me now. As spring was in the air this week I was thinking about this time of year when I was pregnant with Jacob. I had a few months to go, we had showers coming up, and we were starting our childbirth and parenting classes. Oh, and there was also the complication of a car accident and new car buying, but that's another story. There was so much happening and it was all so new and exciting. Hard to believe that was 11 years ago now.
This week also sent my thoughts to the other end of the life cycle. On Wednesday I found out that an old co-worker of ours had passed away. She was only 43. We worked with her for a year or so early in our days with the Amerks. She was a couple years out of a very successful college hockey career, and had already beat Hodgkin's Disease. She was such a positive, energetic person--always smiling. That was pre-Facebook, so when she left we lost touch, but Craig saw her a year and a half ago at a lacrosse tournament, and last summer she swam across Canandaigua Lake with a former co-worker of mine from my last job, who had become a great friend of hers. But apparently in January she started having some health concerns, and it turned out to be a rare form of liver cancer. She battled it so hard, but near the end she went septic, and I have to think that hastened things along. She left behind a husband and four kids. It's truly heartbreaking, and she's been on my mind a lot.
Then a couple days ago, my high school friend's dad passed. He'd had cancer, but it seems that he must have gone downhill fast because he was doing okay just a few weeks ago. I didn't really know him--we'd met maybe a few times--but he was a pastor at a church in my hometown, so he was pretty visible. But he was too young for this and it's just a shame. He was beloved by so many people and it hit hard to see him go.
Lesson learned, yet again...life is short. Maybe that's why I woke up on Saturday like a woman on a mission. I was determined to finally patch and paint the area around our thermostat--the thermostat that was changed out with our central air almost three years ago. Oops. There was a patch of white wall behind it as it was much smaller than our old one, and the thought of trying to figure out how to sand it and paint it just left me panicked. And yet, I woke up and had to do it. So I did. It was a solid effort but not without drama. I didn't get it as smooth as I would have liked, and then I accidentally picked the wrong paint color. Who knew that our fireplace wall (that I knew was "Latte" from a previous patch job) was an accent wall, and all of our other walls are a shade lighter ("Beige")? All this time I thought it was how the light hit, but now that I've seen it, I can't unsee it. Drama aside, it's done. Maybe someday I'll try to do it better, but it's done. Then I put out eight bags of mulch. I did a load of laundry. I dragged the boys out to three errands--to pick up my new smoothie blender that I ordered last week and now need because the one that was on its last legs officially bit the dust that morning; to the dollar store to check for a couple things; and to Walmart to pick up some stuff for my big organization project. Oh, and in the middle of all that, I decided to try cleaning some mini-blinds in the shower. Ours are filthy--dusty, oddly sticky--and I've been meaning to do it for months...or maybe years. But I finally pulled down one set, rigged it up in the shower, and did some trial and error to figure out how to clean them (scrub brush with shampoo, change the venting and flip for essentially four rounds of scrubbing, rinse with the handheld shower attachment). I ended up finishing three sets. Four more to go--six if I dig into the basement office.
Speaking of the office, that's next up. I changed out Jacob's bookshelf today with one we bought last night, so his tiered cube shelf is going to the office. The desktop computer will be packed away, the desk tossed (it's been falling apart for years and it's so big), and I'm going to reorganize all the rest of the stuff that's in the desk. I also used a couple underbed storage bags to hide gift bags and tissue paper under the couch in the office. In an unrelated move, I also bought a giant bin to put all of our photo albums in, which is supposed to free up space in our dining room shelf/cabinet for extra food and/or appliances. Turns out the bin weighs about a million pounds, so it will be going back to the store in exchange for two smaller ones. I also need to buy an external hard drive to put all of our digital photos on that will be staying at my parents' house. Since Flickr was my backup of choice and they changed their policy, I need a new backup, and I figure having everything in two locations is all I can do.
So, yeah, whether it was the urgency of death or the springing of spring or a perceived lack of control, I have no idea. But it feels good to get things done. There are probably a million more other things that should be more important (plumber, tree service), but when the mood strikes, I'll take it. I also fit in a run and some races with Carter, and did a lot of kid separating. So it was a full weekend. Hopefully we'll have some fun ahead next weekend, and even more the following week for spring break and Easter, but I have a lot of work days to get through first. I'm sure I'll be wishing them away, against my better judgment, but it's hard not to when we get a little break from the usual! I can't wait!
My co-worker is a month out from her first baby, and it's been a long time coming. It took so much just to get pregnant and some very good luck to stay pregnant, and now they're in the home stretch. It's so exciting, and we finally got to celebrate her this past week. It was fun sitting around the table and reminiscing about babyhood. It's shocking to realize how far out we are from that phase now. When I think about how Carter is six, it blows my mind. My cousin's baby shower is this coming week, so it will be more of the same.
I tried to figure out why I get so excited about babies, particular first babies. They're exciting, no doubt, but why do I find it darn near intoxicating? I think it's because it's the beginning of a total game-changer. You're in the final home stretch of your time as just a couple, with so many "new" things ahead. The entire dynamic changes. And while it can go very bad--which is probably one of the factors that always makes me a little anxious on others' wedding days--there is just something unique about that first baby experience. Trying to figure it out together, to find your new normal, to see another side of your spouse come out, to relive your childhoods together through this new little person...it's life-altering. To see someone in the final stages before all of this probably seems novel to me now. As spring was in the air this week I was thinking about this time of year when I was pregnant with Jacob. I had a few months to go, we had showers coming up, and we were starting our childbirth and parenting classes. Oh, and there was also the complication of a car accident and new car buying, but that's another story. There was so much happening and it was all so new and exciting. Hard to believe that was 11 years ago now.
This week also sent my thoughts to the other end of the life cycle. On Wednesday I found out that an old co-worker of ours had passed away. She was only 43. We worked with her for a year or so early in our days with the Amerks. She was a couple years out of a very successful college hockey career, and had already beat Hodgkin's Disease. She was such a positive, energetic person--always smiling. That was pre-Facebook, so when she left we lost touch, but Craig saw her a year and a half ago at a lacrosse tournament, and last summer she swam across Canandaigua Lake with a former co-worker of mine from my last job, who had become a great friend of hers. But apparently in January she started having some health concerns, and it turned out to be a rare form of liver cancer. She battled it so hard, but near the end she went septic, and I have to think that hastened things along. She left behind a husband and four kids. It's truly heartbreaking, and she's been on my mind a lot.
Then a couple days ago, my high school friend's dad passed. He'd had cancer, but it seems that he must have gone downhill fast because he was doing okay just a few weeks ago. I didn't really know him--we'd met maybe a few times--but he was a pastor at a church in my hometown, so he was pretty visible. But he was too young for this and it's just a shame. He was beloved by so many people and it hit hard to see him go.
Lesson learned, yet again...life is short. Maybe that's why I woke up on Saturday like a woman on a mission. I was determined to finally patch and paint the area around our thermostat--the thermostat that was changed out with our central air almost three years ago. Oops. There was a patch of white wall behind it as it was much smaller than our old one, and the thought of trying to figure out how to sand it and paint it just left me panicked. And yet, I woke up and had to do it. So I did. It was a solid effort but not without drama. I didn't get it as smooth as I would have liked, and then I accidentally picked the wrong paint color. Who knew that our fireplace wall (that I knew was "Latte" from a previous patch job) was an accent wall, and all of our other walls are a shade lighter ("Beige")? All this time I thought it was how the light hit, but now that I've seen it, I can't unsee it. Drama aside, it's done. Maybe someday I'll try to do it better, but it's done. Then I put out eight bags of mulch. I did a load of laundry. I dragged the boys out to three errands--to pick up my new smoothie blender that I ordered last week and now need because the one that was on its last legs officially bit the dust that morning; to the dollar store to check for a couple things; and to Walmart to pick up some stuff for my big organization project. Oh, and in the middle of all that, I decided to try cleaning some mini-blinds in the shower. Ours are filthy--dusty, oddly sticky--and I've been meaning to do it for months...or maybe years. But I finally pulled down one set, rigged it up in the shower, and did some trial and error to figure out how to clean them (scrub brush with shampoo, change the venting and flip for essentially four rounds of scrubbing, rinse with the handheld shower attachment). I ended up finishing three sets. Four more to go--six if I dig into the basement office.
Speaking of the office, that's next up. I changed out Jacob's bookshelf today with one we bought last night, so his tiered cube shelf is going to the office. The desktop computer will be packed away, the desk tossed (it's been falling apart for years and it's so big), and I'm going to reorganize all the rest of the stuff that's in the desk. I also used a couple underbed storage bags to hide gift bags and tissue paper under the couch in the office. In an unrelated move, I also bought a giant bin to put all of our photo albums in, which is supposed to free up space in our dining room shelf/cabinet for extra food and/or appliances. Turns out the bin weighs about a million pounds, so it will be going back to the store in exchange for two smaller ones. I also need to buy an external hard drive to put all of our digital photos on that will be staying at my parents' house. Since Flickr was my backup of choice and they changed their policy, I need a new backup, and I figure having everything in two locations is all I can do.
So, yeah, whether it was the urgency of death or the springing of spring or a perceived lack of control, I have no idea. But it feels good to get things done. There are probably a million more other things that should be more important (plumber, tree service), but when the mood strikes, I'll take it. I also fit in a run and some races with Carter, and did a lot of kid separating. So it was a full weekend. Hopefully we'll have some fun ahead next weekend, and even more the following week for spring break and Easter, but I have a lot of work days to get through first. I'm sure I'll be wishing them away, against my better judgment, but it's hard not to when we get a little break from the usual! I can't wait!
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
So many things...
I feel like lately my mind is just full of stuff that I keep ruminating on over and over. Some of it's indecision, some of it is timing, some of it is the time of year. Here's just a sampling:
1) Babies - Not mine, thankfully. My co-worker is a month away from her due date and my younger cousin's baby shower is next week. I'm so happy for both of them as this is the first time for each of them. Neither had an easy road, so seeing them this close to the end is exciting. Looking at shower gifts for my cousin and putting together a must-buy list for my co-worker (she's not having a real shower prior and has no local family so I put together a must-have, recommend, and nice-to-have/later list for her, that she can use to strategize once we give her a generous gift card tomorrow) definitely took me back. This, after all, was the time of year when my showers were, and I remember just how exciting/terrifying those last couple months were. We were readying the house, had a room full of baby gifts, were attending birth and parenting classes, and watching my belly get bigger and bigger. And it was spring, which made it even better, and there was just so much to be excited about. As crazy as it felt at the time, I miss the simplicity of those days! We had no idea what was ahead, and it was fun to have such a big event ahead!
2) Spring - We are all just craving spring like crazy. The weather has given us a few very brief, barely-there peeks of spring--enough for two outside runs for me--but that's been about it. No extended pleasant weather, unless you count a solid week of sun we had when it was super chilly outside a few weeks ago. We have seen more sun, and I think our grass is getting a little greener, but aside from some crocuses, it looks like real spring is still a ways away. Jacob wants to shoot hoops, Carter wants to run, and I think we all just want to feel some legit warmth!
3) House Stuff - We have so many things that need to be done around the house. We're months overdue on getting a plumber in to do a number of things, including replacing a pressure regulator valve, fixing our shower diverter, replacing our bathroom sink, and fixing the kitchen faucet and disposal. We just don't know who to hire, so I keep putting it off. We need to replace the side door to our garage since the window in it broke this winter. It's still intact in the frame, but the door is old and probably needs to be changed out. We have diseased trees in our yard that need to be looked at. My dated kitchen (the one that was such a breath of fresh air when we moved in) is starting to frustrate me, but that's a whole huge can of worms I should not open just yet. I also picked up an order from Lowe's tonight that had a new smoke detector (one of ours only beeped quietly), a new toilet fill valve (ours is getting stuck so the toilet won't refill properly), and eight bags of mulch (because the flower beds need it). All of that needs attending to, but I did get the smoke detector installed tonight. On the smaller side, I'm finally ready to pack away our old desktop computer, which means I can ditch our giant office desk and reorganize the storage in the office. I'm currently stuck on just how I want to do that, but I'm eager to move that along--even though we're barely even in that room. Still, it felt good to clean items off the old computer and take one step toward simplifying something in our lives!
4) Coming Attractions - We have some fun stuff coming up in the next couple weeks, and I'm in one of those modes where time essentially can't move fast enough to get us there. It doesn't help that I'm actually in a lull at work. While this is a welcome first lull in about two years, I'm getting antsy because part of the break is waiting on other people and I know there will be a crush coming soon. But in the meantime the days are dragging a bit, which makes the wait even harder. The kids actually have a random day off on Monday (Craig is staying with them), and then I have to leave work early on Friday to pick up the kids (and possibly my aunt) and head to Buffalo for my cousin's shower. Craig will be on the road, so the plan is to stay for a bit on Saturday and hopefully hit up an Easter egg hunt somewhere, or even try to go to the Broadway Market in Buffalo for a bit. The kids are off the entire next week. Craig will be with them Monday and Tuesday, and I'll be off with them Wednesday through Friday. I'd like to go to Buffalo on Thursday and take the kids to the science museum, since I haven't been there in ages and they currently have a Lego exhibit. We'll stay for all of the usual Good Friday family/church stuff, and while we could go home Saturday, Craig encouraged us to just stay the weekend and he'll meet us on Sunday morning after his Saturday night home game. It's always a toss up between a lot of back-and-forth vs. having two cars there on Easter. Carter really wanted to do the breakfast at my parents' church, so we'll see if the plan to stay sticks. We'll actually be back in town the following weekend, too, for my cousin's daughter's first birthday. It's a lot of driving, but it's all good stuff so even though these stretches are tiring, they're worth it. I still have some stuff to do to prepare for Easter, so I shouldn't be rushing it, but I'd really like to get the show on the road.
5) Kid Stuff - As usual, the kids keep my mind preoccupied constantly. There's always the normal frustration with them not getting along. Jacob's been mouthy and Carter has been a bit pesky, and both of those things have made Craig and me crazy. But when they start turning on each other--Jacob making fun of Carter and Carter bugging Jacob for no reason--it just gets exhausting trying to get them away from each other. My bigger issue right now is technology. Jacob either plays basketball (in his room or outside), plays Xbox, or plays on Craig's phone. There pretty much is nothing else. He has no desire to read, doesn't really watch TV, and is otherwise bored when any of those first activities aren't happening. He wants his own phone, which is tempting given how much he complains about it--and yes, he'll probably need one next year at least to listen to music on the bus--but if he has one there's nothing stopping him from being on it all the time. And Carter will have a screen in front of his face unless he's expressly banned from it. He has a ton of toys and plays so nicely with them when he does play, but it's rare unless we force him to. Otherwise, he's either watching a show or playing on the tablet or Craig's phone. All. The. Time. And yes, I know that's our fault, but I end up being the main enforcer and it gets tiring. Last night I made Carter do a giant stack of sight word flash cards before he could play, and I think we need to keep that up because his reading isn't quite where I'd like it to be. But between the two kids, the complaints when electronics aren't in the mix are intolerable and yet I almost want to ban everything outright for a bit just so they realize there is more to life than a screen. I just need to have the willpower to deal with the misery.
Normal life is challenging enough most of the time and it's so hard to find room to deal with the rest of this stuff on a daily basis. I know this is the small stuff, truly, and we're so blessed, but some days it's pretty overwhelming. One way to deal with a lot of this stuff is to just DO it so it can be crossed off the list, but it takes some effort to take those steps, and some days it just isn't there. But day by day...one thing at a time...
1) Babies - Not mine, thankfully. My co-worker is a month away from her due date and my younger cousin's baby shower is next week. I'm so happy for both of them as this is the first time for each of them. Neither had an easy road, so seeing them this close to the end is exciting. Looking at shower gifts for my cousin and putting together a must-buy list for my co-worker (she's not having a real shower prior and has no local family so I put together a must-have, recommend, and nice-to-have/later list for her, that she can use to strategize once we give her a generous gift card tomorrow) definitely took me back. This, after all, was the time of year when my showers were, and I remember just how exciting/terrifying those last couple months were. We were readying the house, had a room full of baby gifts, were attending birth and parenting classes, and watching my belly get bigger and bigger. And it was spring, which made it even better, and there was just so much to be excited about. As crazy as it felt at the time, I miss the simplicity of those days! We had no idea what was ahead, and it was fun to have such a big event ahead!
2) Spring - We are all just craving spring like crazy. The weather has given us a few very brief, barely-there peeks of spring--enough for two outside runs for me--but that's been about it. No extended pleasant weather, unless you count a solid week of sun we had when it was super chilly outside a few weeks ago. We have seen more sun, and I think our grass is getting a little greener, but aside from some crocuses, it looks like real spring is still a ways away. Jacob wants to shoot hoops, Carter wants to run, and I think we all just want to feel some legit warmth!
3) House Stuff - We have so many things that need to be done around the house. We're months overdue on getting a plumber in to do a number of things, including replacing a pressure regulator valve, fixing our shower diverter, replacing our bathroom sink, and fixing the kitchen faucet and disposal. We just don't know who to hire, so I keep putting it off. We need to replace the side door to our garage since the window in it broke this winter. It's still intact in the frame, but the door is old and probably needs to be changed out. We have diseased trees in our yard that need to be looked at. My dated kitchen (the one that was such a breath of fresh air when we moved in) is starting to frustrate me, but that's a whole huge can of worms I should not open just yet. I also picked up an order from Lowe's tonight that had a new smoke detector (one of ours only beeped quietly), a new toilet fill valve (ours is getting stuck so the toilet won't refill properly), and eight bags of mulch (because the flower beds need it). All of that needs attending to, but I did get the smoke detector installed tonight. On the smaller side, I'm finally ready to pack away our old desktop computer, which means I can ditch our giant office desk and reorganize the storage in the office. I'm currently stuck on just how I want to do that, but I'm eager to move that along--even though we're barely even in that room. Still, it felt good to clean items off the old computer and take one step toward simplifying something in our lives!
4) Coming Attractions - We have some fun stuff coming up in the next couple weeks, and I'm in one of those modes where time essentially can't move fast enough to get us there. It doesn't help that I'm actually in a lull at work. While this is a welcome first lull in about two years, I'm getting antsy because part of the break is waiting on other people and I know there will be a crush coming soon. But in the meantime the days are dragging a bit, which makes the wait even harder. The kids actually have a random day off on Monday (Craig is staying with them), and then I have to leave work early on Friday to pick up the kids (and possibly my aunt) and head to Buffalo for my cousin's shower. Craig will be on the road, so the plan is to stay for a bit on Saturday and hopefully hit up an Easter egg hunt somewhere, or even try to go to the Broadway Market in Buffalo for a bit. The kids are off the entire next week. Craig will be with them Monday and Tuesday, and I'll be off with them Wednesday through Friday. I'd like to go to Buffalo on Thursday and take the kids to the science museum, since I haven't been there in ages and they currently have a Lego exhibit. We'll stay for all of the usual Good Friday family/church stuff, and while we could go home Saturday, Craig encouraged us to just stay the weekend and he'll meet us on Sunday morning after his Saturday night home game. It's always a toss up between a lot of back-and-forth vs. having two cars there on Easter. Carter really wanted to do the breakfast at my parents' church, so we'll see if the plan to stay sticks. We'll actually be back in town the following weekend, too, for my cousin's daughter's first birthday. It's a lot of driving, but it's all good stuff so even though these stretches are tiring, they're worth it. I still have some stuff to do to prepare for Easter, so I shouldn't be rushing it, but I'd really like to get the show on the road.
5) Kid Stuff - As usual, the kids keep my mind preoccupied constantly. There's always the normal frustration with them not getting along. Jacob's been mouthy and Carter has been a bit pesky, and both of those things have made Craig and me crazy. But when they start turning on each other--Jacob making fun of Carter and Carter bugging Jacob for no reason--it just gets exhausting trying to get them away from each other. My bigger issue right now is technology. Jacob either plays basketball (in his room or outside), plays Xbox, or plays on Craig's phone. There pretty much is nothing else. He has no desire to read, doesn't really watch TV, and is otherwise bored when any of those first activities aren't happening. He wants his own phone, which is tempting given how much he complains about it--and yes, he'll probably need one next year at least to listen to music on the bus--but if he has one there's nothing stopping him from being on it all the time. And Carter will have a screen in front of his face unless he's expressly banned from it. He has a ton of toys and plays so nicely with them when he does play, but it's rare unless we force him to. Otherwise, he's either watching a show or playing on the tablet or Craig's phone. All. The. Time. And yes, I know that's our fault, but I end up being the main enforcer and it gets tiring. Last night I made Carter do a giant stack of sight word flash cards before he could play, and I think we need to keep that up because his reading isn't quite where I'd like it to be. But between the two kids, the complaints when electronics aren't in the mix are intolerable and yet I almost want to ban everything outright for a bit just so they realize there is more to life than a screen. I just need to have the willpower to deal with the misery.
Normal life is challenging enough most of the time and it's so hard to find room to deal with the rest of this stuff on a daily basis. I know this is the small stuff, truly, and we're so blessed, but some days it's pretty overwhelming. One way to deal with a lot of this stuff is to just DO it so it can be crossed off the list, but it takes some effort to take those steps, and some days it just isn't there. But day by day...one thing at a time...
Thursday, March 28, 2019
The Talk
I was hesitant to write about this here for fear that someday Jacob will read this and be mortified, but I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to my parenting experience if I left this out. It appears we're getting to the point of parenthood/tweenhood where we have to confront everyone's least favorite topic: S-E-X.
Uuugggghhhh...I'm seriously not ready for this. I know he's getting the "official" school sex ed sometime between now and the end of the school year, which is fine--I'm okay with him knowing the basic facts. He should know how it works, what body parts are going to do what, and that sort of thing. I still remember learning it in fifth grade myself--mortifying as it was. We watched some awkward video, or maybe even had a filmstrip? Either way, it was bad. I was still a good 2-3 years away from most of puberty at that point, but other girls certainly weren't so I suppose it was important. My most vivid memory was the mad dash back into the classroom to hide our maxipad sample in our bookbags before the boys could see them. Awkward.
The thing is, we've already gone through some of the puberty/sex stuff with him--just as things came up. Whether it was about how babies were made, or that girls have periods, stuff has just come up and we've tried to handle it as much as we could without getting into graphic detail--partly because I'm not sure what he can mentally process and be okay with it, and partly because I didn't want inappropriate fodder for the lunch table. I mean, if you tell a kid that a girl can bleed for a week, I can see that going really badly if the boys tell each other and decide to gang up on a girl who may or may not actually be menstruating. Even insinuating it could be disastrous for that girl. Boys are stupid at this age, and when things are happening to girls before they happen to them, let's just say that the empathy may not be there just yet. No need to add fuel to the fire or give him any extra ammunition.
But last week Jacob was sort of hinting that he had come into some new information on the topic, and miraculously he shared a bit with me on the way to basketball practice. I won't get into detail, but essentially it sounds like at least one or two of his friends have significant (read: all the way) experience with the topic. He shared a couple details he learned that were accurate--as well as one that made me laugh as it was essentially true but very much a 5th grade take on it. Regardless, I pretty much wanted to crawl into a hole and die at the mere thought of fifth graders getting it on. I mean, WHY? Being naked in front of a boy at that age would have been my biggest nightmare, not something to shoot for. The parts can't all be that attractive or functional at this stage, can they? I mean, puberty takes a few years to do its thing, and even if they started last year (which I think would have mostly been a girl thing as they go first), it seems like it would all be a bit premature.
Being that I was much older before this was a thing in my world, I have so many questions of my own. Do condoms even fit right? What kid that age has the nerve to go buy extra smalls at the store? And if they do, who took them there? And where the heck do these kids find the time to do it alone? I would have to think positioning would be awkward without a few years of random sex scenes in TV and movies as a guide (because I know I hadn't seen many, if any, at that age), but I guess YouTube or a single Google search probably takes care of that these days, eh? #losingbattle ðŸ˜
And look, I know this is probably way more common than I want to believe and there are probably pregnant tweens everywhere (or so a friend of mine who works in a city school insinuated on Facebook), but I just can't figure out why any 10 or 11-year-old thinks this is a good idea. Hormones should not be pumping that hard yet, right? Part of me wants to hope these kids are embellishing a bit, or are just insinuating that they've done things to get attention, but I know that's probably wishful thinking. I just find the whole thing distressing and sad. To me that just seems to set the stage for an all-around unhealthy relationship with sex--too many partners over time, going too far before understanding the full consequences (mental, emotional, physical), overemphasizing the role of sex in a true relationship, or even how sexualizing a tween body could impact sexual fantasies/deviancy as a grown adult.
Jacob and I talked a bit about condoms, as he correctly knew they were important, and he was shocked to hear that his father and I have actually used them. I don't know why he was surprised, but there have certainly been times where we didn't want a baby and the pill was not a valid option (mostly related to antibiotic use, which negates the effects of the pill, or when I was off the pill to get pregnant but we needed to stop trying for a while to strategically avoid the Disney trip that ended up getting scrapped anyway). Now he really wants to see one, and I'm tempted to just show him so he can get that out of his system now. In fact, we currently have bananas in the house, so I could even give him the stereotypical school lesson on use (for reference, watch the movie "Never Been Kissed"). Hahaha...but we'll see. But we also talked a bunch about pregnancy and how condoms aren't 100% effective. He wondered what would happen if a 10-year-old had a baby, and I proceeded to explain how many lives it would negatively impact. Of course, he's the boy so truth be told it would probably impact him way less, but I tried to emphasize the burden it puts on families and how awkward it would be to have a dependent, half-grown child when you're just getting out on your own yourself as a young adult. The conversation mercifully ended as we got to practice, and we've only revisited it briefly a few times since.
I've surmised that it's not like he wants to do anything imminently, which is good, but he does still want a girlfriend. It sounds like it's more because everyone else has a significant other (and who am I kidding, so did I at that age), and it seems like he just wants that special friendship. At least, he got this disgusted, "no way" look on his face when I insinuated it might have something to do with what his friends are doing, so I'm hoping that was genuine. His friend did tell him it was "fun" so I definitely have some damage control to do. We haven't really gotten into STDs or the emotional toll or even really the religious aspect of it, so all of those things will need to be discussed at some point. For the record, while the religious thing should be important, I also feel like it's the easiest point to disregard when hormones are pumping, so I'm leaning a bit more heavily on the practical reasons why it's a bad idea. I hope to work in that God intended it for a committed relationship like marriage, and that's really where it works best and is of the highest quality. If I can communicate all that and keep Craig's and my respective histories out of the picture (it's not really any of his business, and who really wants to know that kind of info about their parents, anyway? Talk about fodder for future therapy.), I think it will be a win.
Due to a scheduling snafu, I was able to have some extended one-on-one time with Jacob's therapist to discuss all of this. I figured the professional perspective might be helpful. Even she seemed a bit surprised with how early this was popping up, but she said that everything I'm doing so far sounds just right. She seemed very pleased with how he was responding and said to keep it up. That was validating, at least, but I still feel like I'm feeling my way through a very dark, very cluttered room every time it comes up. There seems to be an infinite number of things to trip me up while blindly navigating this new realm.
The thing is, I want to keep those lines of communication open. I'd rather he talk to me than his friends. Or he could talk to Craig, for that matter, but he seems less willing to do that for some reason. I want to be as honest as I can without going beyond what he needs at this point. I need him to trust me, and hopefully through that I can gauge where he's at and be there when the temptations and decisions start coming. I doubt it will work out that way because tweenhood and teenagerhood suck, but I'll try for a decent foundation, at least.
But it still blows my mind that he has friends doing this stuff...and yet I know it's only going to get worse. Kids just don't understand that they're not invincible, and that these seemingly small decisions can have some major consequences they're not expecting. Not just babies or diseases, but real emotional and mental consequences that can impact their relationships forever. As tempting as it is to value your current happiness over anything else, kids tend to forget they have a long life ahead and the things they do now can have a ripple effect on all of it. Their decision-making skills aren't great at this age, and "you don't know what you don't know", so making what is actually a major life decision without all of the details can be problematic. Jacob tends to think he's basically an adult (ugh) so I have no doubt he'll think he's equipped to make big decisions long before he actually is. He'll learn his fair share of lessons on his own (although learning from his mistakes is not his strong suit), but the stakes are high on this one so I feel like a little extra guidance wouldn't be the worst thing. But I'll be walking on eggshells with every single conversation, and just praying I say the right thing at the right time.
My co-worker's kid tried to bite someone today, and as she told me the story, I realized I've officially hit the stage where the big kid problems make the "huge" little kid problems seem like child's play (pun intended). And this is just the beginning.
Hold on tight, folks...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Uuugggghhhh...I'm seriously not ready for this. I know he's getting the "official" school sex ed sometime between now and the end of the school year, which is fine--I'm okay with him knowing the basic facts. He should know how it works, what body parts are going to do what, and that sort of thing. I still remember learning it in fifth grade myself--mortifying as it was. We watched some awkward video, or maybe even had a filmstrip? Either way, it was bad. I was still a good 2-3 years away from most of puberty at that point, but other girls certainly weren't so I suppose it was important. My most vivid memory was the mad dash back into the classroom to hide our maxipad sample in our bookbags before the boys could see them. Awkward.
The thing is, we've already gone through some of the puberty/sex stuff with him--just as things came up. Whether it was about how babies were made, or that girls have periods, stuff has just come up and we've tried to handle it as much as we could without getting into graphic detail--partly because I'm not sure what he can mentally process and be okay with it, and partly because I didn't want inappropriate fodder for the lunch table. I mean, if you tell a kid that a girl can bleed for a week, I can see that going really badly if the boys tell each other and decide to gang up on a girl who may or may not actually be menstruating. Even insinuating it could be disastrous for that girl. Boys are stupid at this age, and when things are happening to girls before they happen to them, let's just say that the empathy may not be there just yet. No need to add fuel to the fire or give him any extra ammunition.
But last week Jacob was sort of hinting that he had come into some new information on the topic, and miraculously he shared a bit with me on the way to basketball practice. I won't get into detail, but essentially it sounds like at least one or two of his friends have significant (read: all the way) experience with the topic. He shared a couple details he learned that were accurate--as well as one that made me laugh as it was essentially true but very much a 5th grade take on it. Regardless, I pretty much wanted to crawl into a hole and die at the mere thought of fifth graders getting it on. I mean, WHY? Being naked in front of a boy at that age would have been my biggest nightmare, not something to shoot for. The parts can't all be that attractive or functional at this stage, can they? I mean, puberty takes a few years to do its thing, and even if they started last year (which I think would have mostly been a girl thing as they go first), it seems like it would all be a bit premature.
Being that I was much older before this was a thing in my world, I have so many questions of my own. Do condoms even fit right? What kid that age has the nerve to go buy extra smalls at the store? And if they do, who took them there? And where the heck do these kids find the time to do it alone? I would have to think positioning would be awkward without a few years of random sex scenes in TV and movies as a guide (because I know I hadn't seen many, if any, at that age), but I guess YouTube or a single Google search probably takes care of that these days, eh? #losingbattle ðŸ˜
And look, I know this is probably way more common than I want to believe and there are probably pregnant tweens everywhere (or so a friend of mine who works in a city school insinuated on Facebook), but I just can't figure out why any 10 or 11-year-old thinks this is a good idea. Hormones should not be pumping that hard yet, right? Part of me wants to hope these kids are embellishing a bit, or are just insinuating that they've done things to get attention, but I know that's probably wishful thinking. I just find the whole thing distressing and sad. To me that just seems to set the stage for an all-around unhealthy relationship with sex--too many partners over time, going too far before understanding the full consequences (mental, emotional, physical), overemphasizing the role of sex in a true relationship, or even how sexualizing a tween body could impact sexual fantasies/deviancy as a grown adult.
Jacob and I talked a bit about condoms, as he correctly knew they were important, and he was shocked to hear that his father and I have actually used them. I don't know why he was surprised, but there have certainly been times where we didn't want a baby and the pill was not a valid option (mostly related to antibiotic use, which negates the effects of the pill, or when I was off the pill to get pregnant but we needed to stop trying for a while to strategically avoid the Disney trip that ended up getting scrapped anyway). Now he really wants to see one, and I'm tempted to just show him so he can get that out of his system now. In fact, we currently have bananas in the house, so I could even give him the stereotypical school lesson on use (for reference, watch the movie "Never Been Kissed"). Hahaha...but we'll see. But we also talked a bunch about pregnancy and how condoms aren't 100% effective. He wondered what would happen if a 10-year-old had a baby, and I proceeded to explain how many lives it would negatively impact. Of course, he's the boy so truth be told it would probably impact him way less, but I tried to emphasize the burden it puts on families and how awkward it would be to have a dependent, half-grown child when you're just getting out on your own yourself as a young adult. The conversation mercifully ended as we got to practice, and we've only revisited it briefly a few times since.
I've surmised that it's not like he wants to do anything imminently, which is good, but he does still want a girlfriend. It sounds like it's more because everyone else has a significant other (and who am I kidding, so did I at that age), and it seems like he just wants that special friendship. At least, he got this disgusted, "no way" look on his face when I insinuated it might have something to do with what his friends are doing, so I'm hoping that was genuine. His friend did tell him it was "fun" so I definitely have some damage control to do. We haven't really gotten into STDs or the emotional toll or even really the religious aspect of it, so all of those things will need to be discussed at some point. For the record, while the religious thing should be important, I also feel like it's the easiest point to disregard when hormones are pumping, so I'm leaning a bit more heavily on the practical reasons why it's a bad idea. I hope to work in that God intended it for a committed relationship like marriage, and that's really where it works best and is of the highest quality. If I can communicate all that and keep Craig's and my respective histories out of the picture (it's not really any of his business, and who really wants to know that kind of info about their parents, anyway? Talk about fodder for future therapy.), I think it will be a win.
Due to a scheduling snafu, I was able to have some extended one-on-one time with Jacob's therapist to discuss all of this. I figured the professional perspective might be helpful. Even she seemed a bit surprised with how early this was popping up, but she said that everything I'm doing so far sounds just right. She seemed very pleased with how he was responding and said to keep it up. That was validating, at least, but I still feel like I'm feeling my way through a very dark, very cluttered room every time it comes up. There seems to be an infinite number of things to trip me up while blindly navigating this new realm.
The thing is, I want to keep those lines of communication open. I'd rather he talk to me than his friends. Or he could talk to Craig, for that matter, but he seems less willing to do that for some reason. I want to be as honest as I can without going beyond what he needs at this point. I need him to trust me, and hopefully through that I can gauge where he's at and be there when the temptations and decisions start coming. I doubt it will work out that way because tweenhood and teenagerhood suck, but I'll try for a decent foundation, at least.
But it still blows my mind that he has friends doing this stuff...and yet I know it's only going to get worse. Kids just don't understand that they're not invincible, and that these seemingly small decisions can have some major consequences they're not expecting. Not just babies or diseases, but real emotional and mental consequences that can impact their relationships forever. As tempting as it is to value your current happiness over anything else, kids tend to forget they have a long life ahead and the things they do now can have a ripple effect on all of it. Their decision-making skills aren't great at this age, and "you don't know what you don't know", so making what is actually a major life decision without all of the details can be problematic. Jacob tends to think he's basically an adult (ugh) so I have no doubt he'll think he's equipped to make big decisions long before he actually is. He'll learn his fair share of lessons on his own (although learning from his mistakes is not his strong suit), but the stakes are high on this one so I feel like a little extra guidance wouldn't be the worst thing. But I'll be walking on eggshells with every single conversation, and just praying I say the right thing at the right time.
My co-worker's kid tried to bite someone today, and as she told me the story, I realized I've officially hit the stage where the big kid problems make the "huge" little kid problems seem like child's play (pun intended). And this is just the beginning.
Hold on tight, folks...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Sunday, March 24, 2019
That's a Wrap!
It was a big week, one where we wrapped up two of Jacob's sports! We almost won't even know what to do with our time!
Before we got to that, I want to share this adorable picture of Carter with his late-arriving birthday present from Craig's parents. He has wanted this for so long, and finally got it! And for his picture, of course he hopped right in the box! He was sort of hanging out in the box after that and it unexpectedly broke, which led to a hilarious moment of him falling out backward...which he then wanted to re-enact with me videoing it. Silly boy...
Friday night Jacob had his last lacrosse game for his Storm team. I figured I should take a couple pictures to commemorate the occasion, since he no longer wants to play with them.
They lost yet again--which made three complete seasons without a win. Last spring and this fall and winter were all duds...not a single win, and barely even close in any game. He did what he could, usually chipping in a goal every game or two, but losing that much definitely sucked the life out of him a bit. Still, it was a bummer to see it end, if only because we have met lots of great families over six years in this league, and we're not sure if we'll ever really associate with them anymore unless it's outside lacrosse itself. He's not planning on going back, but we're hoping he'll consider a new team in the fall.
It snowed Friday night (again) and we woke up to an inch or two of snow on Saturday morning. But this was blooming in my kitchen, so it must mean spring is coming!
Then, Saturday afternoon was Jacob's last basketball game. It seems like we waited forever for the tryout night (October), then forever for the team assignments (December), then forever for the first practice and game (January), and now here we are at the end of the season. It's been a bit of a mixed bag. Jacob still loves basketball, but they ended up with a 2-5-1 record and he got no points in the last two games after scoring at least a few in every game prior. He just wasn't getting the ball much, and Saturday's game was against one really tough player who scored almost all of his team's points. That kid was slick, and the first thing I told Jacob is that if he wants to go to the NBA, that's the kind of kid he's going to contend with. He was so good.
He did have to take a couple foul shots. I got the second one on video. The sun was totally in his eyes so it probably wasn't a fair shot.
Sunday was the season-ending celebration for basketball, held at the church where they played half the games.
It was amazing to see a large church overflowing with players and families, especially since we only saw a small percentage of them during the course of the season. There was a juggler named Forrest Davis who did the entertainment, and it was pretty awesome.
I remembered to take video once the plate was up and he started juggling clubs...
Then he went up on a unicycle and juggled knives!
Jacob wasn't that excited about going, but I'm glad we did! Bonus points for him that it set our whole schedule off and he got to miss his travel lacrosse practice. We're still more than two months from training camp and his first tournament, and practice is at a terrible time (Sunday evening, completely through the dinner hours), so we're not super concerned about him missing it, but we have to try to keep him on track now that this will be his only sport for a while. It's our last gasp with lacrosse as a whole, so hopefully we can find some magic in there somewhere to remind him how fun it can be. But he's anti-contact right now ("I don't want to get hit!") and still bitter about being downgraded from his previous team, so it might take a lot to get him to buy back in, even to get through these last couple tournaments.
We still have some figuring out to do for his next steps in basketball. He doesn't want to play in this league again next year because he hates the half-court games. They'd end when he hits 7th grade, but between now and then we will undoubtedly be checking out as many camps and team options as we can find. Travel is a possibility, but might not be a valid option just yet. He's got a whole plan in his head to play with a friend of his, but we need to figure out what he's capable of. I wouldn't be surprised if we were back to this next year, but we'll see!
So, now that all of Jacob's weekday sports are done, it's time to start working on Carter. Track and field seems to be his spot, but there aren't many options for Kindergartners in that realm, so we're going to try martial arts first. We have a couple places to check out, and hopefully then we can make a decision on which place and which type, which probably will be influenced by price and time. I'm excited to see him try something new, and I think he needs that kind of outlet. I'd also like to find a soccer league for him as he's been playing it around the house much more lately, but we really need to figure that one out quickly. He's so much more of a wild card, so I think we have some exploring to do to find his niche!
I guess it's a "change is in the air" time of year. Let's hope spring joins in the fun soon!
Before we got to that, I want to share this adorable picture of Carter with his late-arriving birthday present from Craig's parents. He has wanted this for so long, and finally got it! And for his picture, of course he hopped right in the box! He was sort of hanging out in the box after that and it unexpectedly broke, which led to a hilarious moment of him falling out backward...which he then wanted to re-enact with me videoing it. Silly boy...
Friday night Jacob had his last lacrosse game for his Storm team. I figured I should take a couple pictures to commemorate the occasion, since he no longer wants to play with them.
 |
| I even got a shot of him taking a rare faceoff--they were shorthanded so he played midfield for a bit! |
It snowed Friday night (again) and we woke up to an inch or two of snow on Saturday morning. But this was blooming in my kitchen, so it must mean spring is coming!
 |
| I've had this plant since Halloween, and it probably stopped blooming a couple months ago. It still looked healthy and had new growth, so I kept it around. One bloom popped last week, and now there are two more! |
Then, Saturday afternoon was Jacob's last basketball game. It seems like we waited forever for the tryout night (October), then forever for the team assignments (December), then forever for the first practice and game (January), and now here we are at the end of the season. It's been a bit of a mixed bag. Jacob still loves basketball, but they ended up with a 2-5-1 record and he got no points in the last two games after scoring at least a few in every game prior. He just wasn't getting the ball much, and Saturday's game was against one really tough player who scored almost all of his team's points. That kid was slick, and the first thing I told Jacob is that if he wants to go to the NBA, that's the kind of kid he's going to contend with. He was so good.
He did have to take a couple foul shots. I got the second one on video. The sun was totally in his eyes so it probably wasn't a fair shot.
Sunday was the season-ending celebration for basketball, held at the church where they played half the games.
It was amazing to see a large church overflowing with players and families, especially since we only saw a small percentage of them during the course of the season. There was a juggler named Forrest Davis who did the entertainment, and it was pretty awesome.
 |
| Here he's balancing on a ball and holding a spinning plate that's going to go on his head momentarily. |
We still have some figuring out to do for his next steps in basketball. He doesn't want to play in this league again next year because he hates the half-court games. They'd end when he hits 7th grade, but between now and then we will undoubtedly be checking out as many camps and team options as we can find. Travel is a possibility, but might not be a valid option just yet. He's got a whole plan in his head to play with a friend of his, but we need to figure out what he's capable of. I wouldn't be surprised if we were back to this next year, but we'll see!
So, now that all of Jacob's weekday sports are done, it's time to start working on Carter. Track and field seems to be his spot, but there aren't many options for Kindergartners in that realm, so we're going to try martial arts first. We have a couple places to check out, and hopefully then we can make a decision on which place and which type, which probably will be influenced by price and time. I'm excited to see him try something new, and I think he needs that kind of outlet. I'd also like to find a soccer league for him as he's been playing it around the house much more lately, but we really need to figure that one out quickly. He's so much more of a wild card, so I think we have some exploring to do to find his niche!
I guess it's a "change is in the air" time of year. Let's hope spring joins in the fun soon!
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Time Keeps On Slippin'...
This morning I had a random but startling revelation. I was dropping Jacob off at school, and as I looked at the front door I had a flashback to last June. I was coming out of school--possibly after his field trip on his birthday, which was the last full day--and all of the graduating 5th graders were coming into the school together, maybe after a ceremony elsewhere. Or maybe there were just a lot coming into school first thing in the morning, and you could tell who they were because they were dressed up. Regardless...it hit me at that moment that Jacob would be one of them in another year. It felt blissfully far away at that point, even though I knew that the year would inevitably go so fast. And sure enough, this morning it hit me that in about three months, that year will be over and he'll be done at that school. In fact, three months from today he'll be turning 11! It seems like yesterday that we were playing on the school playground right before he was starting there as a third grader. The same thing happened with the three years at his last school--from Kindergarten to the second grade moving up ceremony, just like that. And yes, I know it'll be the same for Carter. We just got our next-to-last report card for both kids, so we're two-thirds of the way through the year. I know Carter has come a long way, but I can barely believe we're here already.
I freaked out even more this morning when I realized how fast three months can go. I figured out that three months ago we were preparing for Christmas, and that doesn't seem like that long ago at all. The first few months of the year typically drag because of the weather and a general lack of highlights aside from Carter's birthday. But I suppose this year, between the surgery and all of Jacob's sports, things have kept moving right along. So in that same amount of time moving forward from now, we'll be at the end of the school year, in the thick of the awesome summer weather, and prepping for a very big year for Jacob. Crazy. It's going to be here so fast!
Mind you, the weather is still making it feel like we're in the thick of winter. It was over 50 today on the first day of spring, but it's snowed pretty much every day this week, and after a two-day respite we'll be back at it Friday and into next week. It'll be April before we get any decent weather, apparently. Easter is late this year, too, so I feel a bit like we're all just sitting here waiting for spring in any form, and by the time those triggers get here, we'll practically be launching head-first into summer. Whenever I think about April being 10 days away and realize that we've done absolutely nothing spring-ish because of the weather, I get a little nervous about how quickly it's going to happen when it finally does--and I'll have to change out closets and fill Easter baskets and clean out the flower beds all at the same time. I know that once the good weather hits, we'll be keeping busy outdoors on weekends and have more activities going on, and time is going to fly even faster. Of course, yesterday I had the realization that we never really played in the snow this year--mostly because it either melted too fast or the weather was too cold or windy to stay out and enjoy it--and I quietly bemoaned the loss of memories that were never made. They're only little once, and we only get so many winters to play.
Lately I've had a lot of those moments where I see an old picture of Jacob or think about something he did and realize that Carter is now way older than Jacob was in that moment. Carter definitely seems younger than Jacob--his size, baby face, and laid-back personality all contribute--but when I think that at this age Jacob had already been playing youth lacrosse for over a year, or that Carter's only a couple months shy of a year older than Jacob was when we went to Disney, it blows my mind. We're planning on signing Carter up for martial arts at some point soon, so I won't feel like we're so behind on the organized sports thing. With Jacob, getting him into sports was a priority, but Carter is so much more laid back that it fell off the radar a bit. Sometimes I feel like we get so busy with daily life that we forget how on-the-ball we may have been with something years ago when we had less to juggle. Funny how priorities can shift, I guess...or maybe I'm just that tired.
Speaking of lacrosse, this Friday will be Jacob's last house lacrosse game, maybe ever. He's more than ready to quit the sport entirely, but he has to slog through another few months of travel since we're already paid up for that. He's gone through three complete house seasons now without a win (Friday should not change that), and it's definitely taken its toll. Add in not getting playing time over the summer and then not making his same travel team, and it's pretty clear that any confidence he had is gone. It's just not fun anymore (not that "fun" is really in his vocabulary for sports, per my previous post), but it's still a sad end of an era. Five and a half years of time and money and effort...and while I'm sure he learned a lot along the way, it all feels a bit empty now. I really thought he'd play lacrosse forever...or at least into young adulthood. That's what made all of our efforts worth it--we were building something important and long-lasting. And maybe someday he'll go back, but I very much doubt it. Basketball has taken over, seemingly forever (again), but with a very competitive high school team in his future, who knows where that will go? Either it'll go well, or we'll find ourselves in a very similar situation in a few years when this sport loses its luster. Let's hope not, though.
Anyway, time is flying by. The days are long but the years are short, as they say. Daily life keeps us busy and I find myself wishing away time to get through work, only to struggle through tough evenings with the boys and a house full of chores. Rinse, repeat, and hope for the weekend. But all that wishing away is dangerous. I remember a story in a book I once read (in the context of physical purity in a pre-marital relationship) about a magic ball where you could pull out a string to fast-forward time. The person in the story used it to forward through the "boring" parts, but suddenly they found themselves with no more string and life was over. They had missed so much of life because those insignificant moments actually added up to something significant. I feel like that's my problem right now, too, so I'm trying to appreciate our family moments when I can--the few peaceful ones we have, anyway. It's all going fast enough even without a magic string, and I know it won't be slowing down anytime soon. I just need to settle in and enjoy the ride.
I freaked out even more this morning when I realized how fast three months can go. I figured out that three months ago we were preparing for Christmas, and that doesn't seem like that long ago at all. The first few months of the year typically drag because of the weather and a general lack of highlights aside from Carter's birthday. But I suppose this year, between the surgery and all of Jacob's sports, things have kept moving right along. So in that same amount of time moving forward from now, we'll be at the end of the school year, in the thick of the awesome summer weather, and prepping for a very big year for Jacob. Crazy. It's going to be here so fast!
Mind you, the weather is still making it feel like we're in the thick of winter. It was over 50 today on the first day of spring, but it's snowed pretty much every day this week, and after a two-day respite we'll be back at it Friday and into next week. It'll be April before we get any decent weather, apparently. Easter is late this year, too, so I feel a bit like we're all just sitting here waiting for spring in any form, and by the time those triggers get here, we'll practically be launching head-first into summer. Whenever I think about April being 10 days away and realize that we've done absolutely nothing spring-ish because of the weather, I get a little nervous about how quickly it's going to happen when it finally does--and I'll have to change out closets and fill Easter baskets and clean out the flower beds all at the same time. I know that once the good weather hits, we'll be keeping busy outdoors on weekends and have more activities going on, and time is going to fly even faster. Of course, yesterday I had the realization that we never really played in the snow this year--mostly because it either melted too fast or the weather was too cold or windy to stay out and enjoy it--and I quietly bemoaned the loss of memories that were never made. They're only little once, and we only get so many winters to play.
Lately I've had a lot of those moments where I see an old picture of Jacob or think about something he did and realize that Carter is now way older than Jacob was in that moment. Carter definitely seems younger than Jacob--his size, baby face, and laid-back personality all contribute--but when I think that at this age Jacob had already been playing youth lacrosse for over a year, or that Carter's only a couple months shy of a year older than Jacob was when we went to Disney, it blows my mind. We're planning on signing Carter up for martial arts at some point soon, so I won't feel like we're so behind on the organized sports thing. With Jacob, getting him into sports was a priority, but Carter is so much more laid back that it fell off the radar a bit. Sometimes I feel like we get so busy with daily life that we forget how on-the-ball we may have been with something years ago when we had less to juggle. Funny how priorities can shift, I guess...or maybe I'm just that tired.
Speaking of lacrosse, this Friday will be Jacob's last house lacrosse game, maybe ever. He's more than ready to quit the sport entirely, but he has to slog through another few months of travel since we're already paid up for that. He's gone through three complete house seasons now without a win (Friday should not change that), and it's definitely taken its toll. Add in not getting playing time over the summer and then not making his same travel team, and it's pretty clear that any confidence he had is gone. It's just not fun anymore (not that "fun" is really in his vocabulary for sports, per my previous post), but it's still a sad end of an era. Five and a half years of time and money and effort...and while I'm sure he learned a lot along the way, it all feels a bit empty now. I really thought he'd play lacrosse forever...or at least into young adulthood. That's what made all of our efforts worth it--we were building something important and long-lasting. And maybe someday he'll go back, but I very much doubt it. Basketball has taken over, seemingly forever (again), but with a very competitive high school team in his future, who knows where that will go? Either it'll go well, or we'll find ourselves in a very similar situation in a few years when this sport loses its luster. Let's hope not, though.
Anyway, time is flying by. The days are long but the years are short, as they say. Daily life keeps us busy and I find myself wishing away time to get through work, only to struggle through tough evenings with the boys and a house full of chores. Rinse, repeat, and hope for the weekend. But all that wishing away is dangerous. I remember a story in a book I once read (in the context of physical purity in a pre-marital relationship) about a magic ball where you could pull out a string to fast-forward time. The person in the story used it to forward through the "boring" parts, but suddenly they found themselves with no more string and life was over. They had missed so much of life because those insignificant moments actually added up to something significant. I feel like that's my problem right now, too, so I'm trying to appreciate our family moments when I can--the few peaceful ones we have, anyway. It's all going fast enough even without a magic string, and I know it won't be slowing down anytime soon. I just need to settle in and enjoy the ride.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
A Really Great Show (with a Side of Mom Guilt...and Bonus Daughter Guilt!)
Months ago, one of my favorite bands (and pretty much THE favorite of my college roommate Mary) announced their latest tour schedule. Much to our dismay, the tour was coming nowhere near upstate New York. We've seen Needtobreathe in Buffalo twice and Niagara Falls once (and Mary saw them in Syracuse another time I couldn't), but this tour was nowhere close. However, they were coming to Lancaster, PA, which is less than an hour from Mary's parents' house. She hatched a plan to head down there, but Craig had two games in two nights so my involvement would necessitate my parents' help. I was concerned about it but figured I'd just leave it be until after we got through Carter's surgery and reassess then.
Well, we got through the surgery and it was time to decide. Even though Jacob had two games during the time I'd be gone, my parents were up for it, so we put the plan in place. On Friday I sent the boys off in the morning and hopped in the car by myself. Of course, I had a million things to do just to get to that point--packing, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cleaning, setting out pillows for my parents, even two burned out light bulbs...the list seemed endless! I got out the door just on time and started my drive to Mary's apartment in Syracuse.
It was a fun drive on that leg, particularly in the beginning when the sun was shining. It had been warm on Thursday (over 65--between that and Pi Day at work, it was a great afternoon!) and Friday was cooler but pleasant, so driving in that with 80s power ballads blasting was a lot of fun! Pretty sure I couldn't have looked any more like the escaping mom relishing her freedom! I got to Mary's around 11am and we headed off to pick up two friends of hers who were coming as well. We stopped to pick up a quick lunch to go, and then we were officially on the road!
It was a long drive, and we only had a couple stops--one for gas and another for a bathroom break, at which point we were able to enjoy the 75 degree weather in Pennsylvania! It was sunny but windy, and the temperature felt so perfect! We made it to Mary's parents' just before dinnertime. As we were getting ready for dinner, it randomly poured outside, thunder and all. Fortunately, while it cooled off as a result, it was still pleasant and we didn't even need jackets when we left for the show!
As we got driving, it was still raining on and off, but was sunny in another direction. That, of course, is the perfect recipe for a rainbow!
The rainbow was short to begin with, but it was periodically a double and then eventually stretched all the way across the sky! It was especially scenic when we crossed over some water...
...but by then it was apparent that we were driving back into some real rain. The skies were dark in the direction we were heading. And yet, the rainbow held out, and behind us was an amazing sunset. This picture sort of captures all of it...
As we got closer to Lancaster, it really started coming down. It was hardcore, to the point where we had to slow way down and could barely see. There was lightning and wind. It was intense! And of course, our thoughts turned to how we'd get into the venue in driving rain without an umbrella! Then, as we got to the theater, we saw their sign that said, "LOT FULL". UGH. We were already running late due to the weather, and now we had to figure out parking. Luckily, it seemed like everyone was just going to the strip mall across the street and parking there, so we did too. And just as we parked, the rain let up to a light drizzle, so we made it into the theater mostly unscathed!
We literally walked into the theater itself as the band was coming on stage. Whew! The show was AMAZING. It always is, but this show had an "acoustic" theme, so we weren't sure what to expect since their shows are usually pretty rockin'. They sat in chairs for most of it, but it wasn't entirely unplugged. The volume was a bit lower than usual for most of it (so, perfect--no ringing ears!), but the energy was still very much intact! The lead singer's voice is so awesome, and it sounds just like it does on albums...if not better!
Near the end of the show they did unplug completely and sing without microphones or amps. They've done it before and it's always pretty cool as it makes the audience stay very quiet and their voices sound so pure. They actually sang my favorite song that way, which was a complete opposite of how they performed it during their last tour. That time it was loud and bold and super high energy, so hearing it quiet and slow this time was actually a neat contrast!
We had such a great time at the show, but all too soon it was over. We had a 45 minute drive back to the house, so we stopped at a Wawa gas station to pick up some late night snacks. They had so much stuff that I felt a little like Mavis in Hotel Transylvania 2 when she goes to the place like 7-Eleven and sees the wall of "Slur-pays"! I opted for an Icee (cherry and cola mixed) and then found out that Wawa's soft pretzels were supposedly outstanding, so I grabbed a half a pretzel (they were packaged that way), and was a very happy camper!
I was quite tired by the time we arrived back at the house, and we quickly figured out sleeping situations - one twin bed, three air mattresses, three different rooms - and settled in. I was perfectly comfortable on my air mattress, but I could not sleep at all. I don't know if it was the wind hitting the house, the sugar and/or caffeine from my Icee, or sleep aids gone wrong, but I could not sleep. At least I was very comfy and relaxed. I think I got some after about 2am, but people were up and about by 6:30 so I didn't do much more than doze until a little after 7am when I gave up. So, not much sleep, but luckily adrenaline got me through, as I wasn't the least bit sleepy by the time I had to drive home myself!
We had a nice, slow morning. Mary's mom made some breakfast (a French toast bake and pop-open can cinnamon rolls--oh, how I miss those!), and we all eventually got ourselves dressed before spending some quality time with the animals and Mary's parents. Their dog Charlie is the sweetest thing. He's quiet and affectionate, and has such an endearing face! He just loves people so much and was apparently a little mopey after we left!
We ventured out into the now-cold and windy weather to meet the horses. Mary and her mom are horse people, and the barn on their property is the perfect spot to let two old horses retire. One of them was actually Mary's horse when we were in college, and they got a chance to reacquire her a couple years back, so I finally got the chance to meet her. The other horse, Coop, was hilarious. He's very social and was right over the fence to say hi!
However, when he realized we had no treats, he took to eating the fence and pawing at the grass. He cracked us up.
The area where they live is out in the country a bit, but it was beautiful. They're a bit elevated, so the views in every direction were really pretty. You might be able to see if you zoom into this picture and look in the distance. It was a great setup for the horses, though!
After spending a couple hours just chatting with her parents (which was very entertaining), it was time to head out. We stopped somewhere around Hazleton, PA to get a late lunch, and while we waited for everyone to get their food, I checked my phone. I had a message from Craig that was telling me that he was leaving later than expected for his trip to Toronto, and then he dropped in the small detail that my mom almost BROKE HER TOE. Seriously?! So of course I had to call him and get the story. It appears that the night before, the light to our basement didn't turn on (it may have been that it's a CFL bulb that took a second to turn on, so she thought it didn't work--but I guess we'll never know) and she missed a step at the bottom. Her big toe curled under her foot. She iced it and tried to make the best of it overnight despite the pain. She actually didn't even wake up my dad, aside from him hearing the noise she made when it happened and asking if she was okay, only because he'd have worried about it all night. So she didn't sleep much, and in the morning they went to urgent care to get it x-rayed. It wasn't broken, but perhaps sprained. She spent most of the day icing it before they headed out to Jacob's basketball game later in the afternoon. Once they came back from a post-game dinner, the ice went back on until they went home. Anyway, I was feeling guilty enough when a Facebook comment from my dad indicated the kids were being a bit of a handful, so when I found out about this, I felt awful. Bad enough to have the mom guilt of essentially shirking my responsibility as a mom for something fun, but now I had daughter guilt for my parents' babysitting stint turning into such an ordeal! Ugh. I guess I'll be sticking close to home for a while!
The trip home was otherwise long but relatively uneventful. Despite the previous day's 75 degree weather, we hit patches of snow throughout the trip. Nothing to complicate driving, thank goodness, but just enough to make us curse winter yet again. Just as we got to Syracuse, however, the snow got considerably heavier, and suddenly we noticed it visibly accumulating along the side of the road! It snowed like that for probably 5-10 minutes, but miraculously, less than five minutes from where we had to drop the two other girls off, we drove out of the band and it was fine again. I ran into much the same on my drive from Syracuse to Rochester, where one minute it was sunny and gorgeous, and the next minute I was driving into snow. Thankfully, again, it never impacted the roads, but it definitely kept things interesting. I figured I'd be really tired on my drive, but I think the skies were entertaining enough that no more than a little candy was needed!
The sunset was a little more understated than I'd hoped based on the picture above, but in the end I was just happy to be close to home by the time it happened! I was very relieved to get home despite the sad scene that awaited me there--my mom's elevated foot, the usual house chaos, and a kid who (for the first time ever) didn't score in his basketball game. I should note that he actually didn't even play in his lacrosse game the previous night because he had a headache (and refused medicine for some unknown reason), and then he didn't get a basket in his basketball game on Saturday. So...not a particularly stellar weekend all around on the home front. I was hoping that the time away would be energizing, but between the long trip, the lack of sleep, and all that I had to deal with when I got home, I can't say it turned out that way. But I'm still happy I did it. The concert was awesome and the time with Mary is always important. Having a little adventure for myself is good for the soul, and not having to yell for a couple days was a nice bonus. I can't say I'll do it again anytime soon, but I'm thankful for this one and grateful for all who made it possible.
Now if spring would just get here...that'd be great.
Well, we got through the surgery and it was time to decide. Even though Jacob had two games during the time I'd be gone, my parents were up for it, so we put the plan in place. On Friday I sent the boys off in the morning and hopped in the car by myself. Of course, I had a million things to do just to get to that point--packing, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cleaning, setting out pillows for my parents, even two burned out light bulbs...the list seemed endless! I got out the door just on time and started my drive to Mary's apartment in Syracuse.
It was a fun drive on that leg, particularly in the beginning when the sun was shining. It had been warm on Thursday (over 65--between that and Pi Day at work, it was a great afternoon!) and Friday was cooler but pleasant, so driving in that with 80s power ballads blasting was a lot of fun! Pretty sure I couldn't have looked any more like the escaping mom relishing her freedom! I got to Mary's around 11am and we headed off to pick up two friends of hers who were coming as well. We stopped to pick up a quick lunch to go, and then we were officially on the road!
It was a long drive, and we only had a couple stops--one for gas and another for a bathroom break, at which point we were able to enjoy the 75 degree weather in Pennsylvania! It was sunny but windy, and the temperature felt so perfect! We made it to Mary's parents' just before dinnertime. As we were getting ready for dinner, it randomly poured outside, thunder and all. Fortunately, while it cooled off as a result, it was still pleasant and we didn't even need jackets when we left for the show!
As we got driving, it was still raining on and off, but was sunny in another direction. That, of course, is the perfect recipe for a rainbow!
The rainbow was short to begin with, but it was periodically a double and then eventually stretched all the way across the sky! It was especially scenic when we crossed over some water...
...but by then it was apparent that we were driving back into some real rain. The skies were dark in the direction we were heading. And yet, the rainbow held out, and behind us was an amazing sunset. This picture sort of captures all of it...
As we got closer to Lancaster, it really started coming down. It was hardcore, to the point where we had to slow way down and could barely see. There was lightning and wind. It was intense! And of course, our thoughts turned to how we'd get into the venue in driving rain without an umbrella! Then, as we got to the theater, we saw their sign that said, "LOT FULL". UGH. We were already running late due to the weather, and now we had to figure out parking. Luckily, it seemed like everyone was just going to the strip mall across the street and parking there, so we did too. And just as we parked, the rain let up to a light drizzle, so we made it into the theater mostly unscathed!
We literally walked into the theater itself as the band was coming on stage. Whew! The show was AMAZING. It always is, but this show had an "acoustic" theme, so we weren't sure what to expect since their shows are usually pretty rockin'. They sat in chairs for most of it, but it wasn't entirely unplugged. The volume was a bit lower than usual for most of it (so, perfect--no ringing ears!), but the energy was still very much intact! The lead singer's voice is so awesome, and it sounds just like it does on albums...if not better!
Near the end of the show they did unplug completely and sing without microphones or amps. They've done it before and it's always pretty cool as it makes the audience stay very quiet and their voices sound so pure. They actually sang my favorite song that way, which was a complete opposite of how they performed it during their last tour. That time it was loud and bold and super high energy, so hearing it quiet and slow this time was actually a neat contrast!
 |
| Unplugged |
We had such a great time at the show, but all too soon it was over. We had a 45 minute drive back to the house, so we stopped at a Wawa gas station to pick up some late night snacks. They had so much stuff that I felt a little like Mavis in Hotel Transylvania 2 when she goes to the place like 7-Eleven and sees the wall of "Slur-pays"! I opted for an Icee (cherry and cola mixed) and then found out that Wawa's soft pretzels were supposedly outstanding, so I grabbed a half a pretzel (they were packaged that way), and was a very happy camper!
I was quite tired by the time we arrived back at the house, and we quickly figured out sleeping situations - one twin bed, three air mattresses, three different rooms - and settled in. I was perfectly comfortable on my air mattress, but I could not sleep at all. I don't know if it was the wind hitting the house, the sugar and/or caffeine from my Icee, or sleep aids gone wrong, but I could not sleep. At least I was very comfy and relaxed. I think I got some after about 2am, but people were up and about by 6:30 so I didn't do much more than doze until a little after 7am when I gave up. So, not much sleep, but luckily adrenaline got me through, as I wasn't the least bit sleepy by the time I had to drive home myself!
We had a nice, slow morning. Mary's mom made some breakfast (a French toast bake and pop-open can cinnamon rolls--oh, how I miss those!), and we all eventually got ourselves dressed before spending some quality time with the animals and Mary's parents. Their dog Charlie is the sweetest thing. He's quiet and affectionate, and has such an endearing face! He just loves people so much and was apparently a little mopey after we left!
We ventured out into the now-cold and windy weather to meet the horses. Mary and her mom are horse people, and the barn on their property is the perfect spot to let two old horses retire. One of them was actually Mary's horse when we were in college, and they got a chance to reacquire her a couple years back, so I finally got the chance to meet her. The other horse, Coop, was hilarious. He's very social and was right over the fence to say hi!
However, when he realized we had no treats, he took to eating the fence and pawing at the grass. He cracked us up.
The area where they live is out in the country a bit, but it was beautiful. They're a bit elevated, so the views in every direction were really pretty. You might be able to see if you zoom into this picture and look in the distance. It was a great setup for the horses, though!
After spending a couple hours just chatting with her parents (which was very entertaining), it was time to head out. We stopped somewhere around Hazleton, PA to get a late lunch, and while we waited for everyone to get their food, I checked my phone. I had a message from Craig that was telling me that he was leaving later than expected for his trip to Toronto, and then he dropped in the small detail that my mom almost BROKE HER TOE. Seriously?! So of course I had to call him and get the story. It appears that the night before, the light to our basement didn't turn on (it may have been that it's a CFL bulb that took a second to turn on, so she thought it didn't work--but I guess we'll never know) and she missed a step at the bottom. Her big toe curled under her foot. She iced it and tried to make the best of it overnight despite the pain. She actually didn't even wake up my dad, aside from him hearing the noise she made when it happened and asking if she was okay, only because he'd have worried about it all night. So she didn't sleep much, and in the morning they went to urgent care to get it x-rayed. It wasn't broken, but perhaps sprained. She spent most of the day icing it before they headed out to Jacob's basketball game later in the afternoon. Once they came back from a post-game dinner, the ice went back on until they went home. Anyway, I was feeling guilty enough when a Facebook comment from my dad indicated the kids were being a bit of a handful, so when I found out about this, I felt awful. Bad enough to have the mom guilt of essentially shirking my responsibility as a mom for something fun, but now I had daughter guilt for my parents' babysitting stint turning into such an ordeal! Ugh. I guess I'll be sticking close to home for a while!
The trip home was otherwise long but relatively uneventful. Despite the previous day's 75 degree weather, we hit patches of snow throughout the trip. Nothing to complicate driving, thank goodness, but just enough to make us curse winter yet again. Just as we got to Syracuse, however, the snow got considerably heavier, and suddenly we noticed it visibly accumulating along the side of the road! It snowed like that for probably 5-10 minutes, but miraculously, less than five minutes from where we had to drop the two other girls off, we drove out of the band and it was fine again. I ran into much the same on my drive from Syracuse to Rochester, where one minute it was sunny and gorgeous, and the next minute I was driving into snow. Thankfully, again, it never impacted the roads, but it definitely kept things interesting. I figured I'd be really tired on my drive, but I think the skies were entertaining enough that no more than a little candy was needed!
 |
| Driving into snow, although it's harder to see than it was in person. That bright dot is the sun filtered by the snow. Two minutes later, it was still snowing but the sun was visible again, and two minutes after that I drove back out of the squall. |
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| After the snow, the skies were pretty magnificent between the sun, wispy clouds, and snow clouds. The snow cloud is off to the left. |
Now if spring would just get here...that'd be great.
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