A Walk in the Park, The Sequel

Last year in late April I dragged Carter to Highland Park so I could see all of the beautiful spring flowers.  He wasn't thrilled initially, but lots of flowers, two playgrounds and some turtles later, he seemed to enjoy it.  The foliage was a bit delayed this year in comparison, but last weekend I knew things were starting to bloom there and I really wanted to go.  Unfortunately, Jacob's tournament schedule and the weather prevented that from happening.  But Monday night he had practice and the weather improved over the course of the day, so I decided Carter and I should make a visit after dinner. It wasn't the warmest night, but it was pleasant enough and we had a really nice walk.

The daffodils and flowering trees were peak, the azaleas, magnolias, and tulips were coming right along, and the lilacs were just starting to open, but barely.  The daffodils are always fun because there are so many different varieties.  These were two of my favorites...   

I love this spot.  The tree hangs over the walkway so beautifully.

We wound our way up through the azaleas, most of which were in bloom.  My favorite one, a melon colored one, wasn't open yet, but this light pink one was so pretty!

One of my favorite spots in the park is up on the hill where you can look out and see for miles.  In one little spot, there is a flowering tree that fascinates me--it has two colors of blooms!  I have no idea how it happened, but it's so neat!  It's hard to get a good picture of it because the blooms are small and the sky is usually too bright.  For example:

But here are a couple shots to illustrate how cool it is: 

Not just two colors on one tree, but also on one blossom!  Look at that pink stripe!

Here you can see the white and the pink intermingling.  It's so cool!

Everywhere you look it was beautiful!  There were families all over the park with their hired photographers!

We made our way up to the reservoir...

...and then started walking down toward the magnolias.  I wish this photo captured the colors of everything like it was in real life.  It was stunning!

I always think of my grandma when I see magnolias because she had a tree in her yard.  Hers were pink, but the yellow ones may be my favorite...

Some were starting to lose their petals, but others were just starting to open.  It was so pretty.

We finally got to the first playground, and Carter had it all to himself!  He climbed and slid to his heart's content.  We raced each other on the rock wall (timed, one at a time) and he found a way to make the slide feel faster.

It was getting closer to sunset so I encouraged him to wrap it up so we could keep moving. We still had a couple more spots to hit!  Unfortunately, we couldn't go in the Lamberton Conservatory because it was closed for the night.  We loved our walk through there last year, where we saw tiny quail, turtles, tortoises (one of whom roams free), and a ton of cool plants.  Hopefully next time we'll go and it will be an entirely different season!  

We did stop and sit on the big swing.  It's usually busy but that day it was empty.

Then it was off to the tulips!  I knew they wouldn't all be open, but I wasn't sure I'd get back before they were all spent, so we made do with what was there.  I just had it pop up in my memories when the deer ruined them during the early pandemic (apparently when they were coming up was in the thick of the stay-at-home push, and the deer got brave), but it was nice to see them thriving again this year.  I love these ones with the fringe.

So beautiful!  Especially those pinkish ones in the front!

I love that these ones are a different shape,  And their color was so bold!

There were lots of different colors and types.  I loved these, too, and the bed they were in was gorgeous.

As we walked toward the other playground, we walked through the Poet's Garden.  I noticed a couple flowers I haven't seen before.  I guess this one is a Lenten Rose.  

My plant app identified this charming little one as a chocolate lily.  I was obsessed.  It was so cute!  

  

I flipped it over to see the inside, and it was so pretty!

Then for some reason I got obessed with getting an underside shot by pointing my phone camera up at it.  It took a few tries but I was pleasantly surprised with this result!

While we were walking, Carter found a daffodil that had been detached from its stem somehow--not sure if it was a person or an animal.  He had wanted to pick one earlier and I didn't let him, but with that one I let him keep it.  We hoped to get it hope and revive it a bit, and while it did get a little beaten up in my purse (I didn't want people thinking we picked it), it did revive for quite a few days.  Carter is such a sweet, silly boy, and he does this thing when we're walking somewhere pretty where he does the whole movie scene thing, like, "Would you make me the happiest man in the world and do me the honor...", basically a proposal, and this one was extra cute with a flower!

 

Who could say no to that?

We finally got down to the natural playground, and once again, we had it all to ourselves.  That never happens with this one!  We balanced on logs and hopped between rocks, and Carter did his favorite part:

Those things are so tricky and he does really well with it!

We sat on the bench...

...and Carter got in the little tree trunk throne!

He worked so hard to get up on this log that I had to take a picture, but just before this I totally bit it trying to take a picture.  I backed up to get the whole log in the picture and there was a rock behind me that caused me to lose my balance and basically spin to the ground.  I hit the wood chips like a ton of bricks.  Carter was concerned, but thankfully I was mostly fine.  I think my pinky got a couple slivers, but otherwise I was lucky.  My arm muscles were pretty sore the next couple days so I must have somehow strained them in the process, but I was lucky.    

By that point it was starting to get dark and as we were just about ready to leave, I got a call from Craig that he and Jacob were going to either urgent care or the emergency room...again!  Ugh.  He stepped on someone's foot near the end of practice and twisted the same ankle he hurt a few weeks ago.  Darn it.  Thankfully, the emergency room was fast and he should be good within a couple weeks.

It was a bummer of an ending to a nice night, but I'm so happy Carter and I got to have that time, especially before the Lilac Festival took over this weekend!

How My Sports Career and Parenthood Killed My Fandom: A Retrospective

One night last week I watched the third period of the Buffalo Sabres game because it was the last broadcast for their longtime broadcaster, Rick Jeanneret.  He's been with the team for 50 years, and his voice has narrated big moments for most of their history.  It was fitting that they won the game in overtime, which made his last goal call a big game-winning one.  They celebrated him a few weeks ago by raising his initials to the rafters with the retired numbers.  He's 79 years old and his retirement is well-earned.  Watching the highlight reels during both nights brought back a lot of memories of a very special time of my life.  My Sabres' fandom literally set the stage for the rest of my life.  It made me want to work in sports, which led to my Amerks internship, which is how I met Craig and got my first career.  It was such a passionate time and I feel sort of guilty that I haven't been an avid fan in years.  On one hand I miss it, and on the other I know that I don't have the emotional energy to be a fan right now.

The Sabres have been terrible for years.  They haven't made the playoffs for an NHL-record 11 seasons.  They haven't won a series since 2007, weeks before the Knighthawks won their first championship of the four during Craig's tenure.  It went from bad to downright embarrassing.  It stayed that way through a good chunk of this season, in fact, and it just started looking up near the end.  They finally traded the guy who was supposed to be the savior of the franchise who had been injured for a while, and somehow, a switch flipped.  They played very respectable hockey after that, and you could just see the team coming together and having some fun with it for the first time in ages.  It's brought a lot of hope to the fanbase, and Rick Jeanneret's retirement sort of rekindled all of those good memories and brought people back out of the woodwork.  I'll be honest, it was enough to make me vow to keep a closer eye on them next year.

How my fandom actually faded away is the result of multiple factors.  First, they made a number of personnel moves that alienated a lot of fans and made players hesitant to even play there, let alone play well as a team.  There were times where they'd lose and it would be like, "Well, sort of serves them right."  That also coincided with the departure of most of the players we knew from their time with the Amerks.  After that it was downright depressing to watch them and be disappointed all the time.  When life is already a bit stressful, which if you've been here for a while you know that's been our norm for a long time, adding sports to that just felt foolish (at least ones we didn't have a personal connection to).  Not only did sports' importance pale in comparison to the seriousness of what we were dealing with, but I didn't need the added stress and sadness.  So, over time I just stopped watching.  

I'm sure it didn't help that Craig was still working in sports and probably one of the last things he wanted to do at home to unwind was watch an organization that passed him over for a job and made a lot of questionable moves over the years.  We often watched what the kids wanted to while they were awake, and then once they were in bed we focused on our DVR recordings.  So, it just sort of fell off our radar.

After I left sports but before we had kids, I went to Amerks games whenever I felt like it.  It felt like something to do on weekend nights when Craig wasn't home, but on weekdays or Sundays when it was easier to just hang at home, I did.  Once I had Jacob, it was a way to get out of the house a bit, and when he ended up liking the games, sometimes it was the easiest way to get a well-behaved night out of him since that was the one time he usually sat still.  Where most kids (including Carter) want nothing more than to get up and walk during games, Jacob loved watching the games and sat transfixed.  But once there were two kids and Craig no longer worked for the Amerks, we stopped going.  And honestly, by that point I suppose that after working in sports for six years and going to games for probably five or six more, it was probably okay to spend time another way.  I was sort of an oddball fan anyway.  While I did still cheer on the Knighthawks pretty strongly, spending 40+ nights a year in the booth focused on work definitely tamped down my goal reactions and made me more focused on arena promotions and signage most of the time.  It just sort of changed my fan experience and I went to more of a casual observer than an actual fan.  I think, too, that once you've known guys on the team personally, watching a bunch of guys you don't know just feels different and less important.  It almost feels wrong to let it be as dominant as it once was, but I also feel weird not being enough of a fan.

Anyway, there's a part of me that misses it, even if I know it's not realistic anymore.  That was such a special, exciting time of my life that's chock full of memories that are core to the person I am today.  My kids may roll their eyes when I tell stories, but they don't really understand how all of the stories are part of a joyous time, and one that brought me to where I am today.  My fandom was special, and my time in sports was life changing and a dream come true in many ways--even if it was exhausting and eventually led to some of the burnout that drained my fandom.

Last weekend, the Amerks miraculously claimed the final AHL playoff spot for the season.  They needed to win and then have another team not get a single point in their last two games, and somehow it happened.  Craig and I both said right off the bat that we wanted to go to the one home playoff game for this series.  Not only has it been forever since we've been to one, but it's been a long time since any local hockey team has done anything of significance in the spring.  They hadn't won a playoff game since 2014 (per the internet), and they haven't won a series since 2005, which is when I still worked for the team.  I've been gone a long time--two lengthy careers spanning 16 years--and Craig left the Amerks back in 2011.  We haven't missed much, sadly.  But now that there was something to maybe get excited about, it felt like the thing to do.  So on Wednesday evening, off we went.

Being there brought back a ton of memories.  The building was fuller than I've seen it in years, especially for hockey.  The Knighthawks did a good job filling the building for their championships, but hockey and lacrosse crowds have severely dwindled since.  The Amerks' average attendance is now in the sad realm of what the small market teams did 20 years ago.  But the building was hopping that night and it brought back so many memories of passionate playoff crowds from my heyday.  

Mind you, games now are a significantly different experience.  Game production is a far cry from where it used to be--the scoreboard is fancier, there's a ribbon scoreboard at the one end of the arena, the promotions and PA announcers are different.  The music guy is still a holdout, and the building workers are familiar, but the rest of the staff is different.  The whole mood is different in the front office, too.  We were workhorses, driving ourselves nuts for 50+ hours a week, going weeks without days off, making terrible money, and we were all very close from going through so many ups and downs.  We were each others' social lives for the most part, stretching our energy further by going out hard after games.  It was the epitome of "work hard, play hard".  Now, everyone sort of does the bare minimum.  It's not unheard of to miss games, which we never did.  Craig watches it all go down and marvels at what they get away with now.  It's a different type of career these days...unless you're Craig, I guess.

 

The game didn't go so well, as the Amerks trailed 3-0 after two periods.  I was hopeful they'd get a goal since the crowd was so ready to explode.  Jacob was asking to leave by the beginning of the third period, but it's the playoffs!  Then the Amerks scored...and scored again...and then with four minutes left, they scored again.  Tie game!  Despite not being die-hards, I'll admit that the playoff nerves kicked in.  It's been so long since that was the case for hockey, so it was strange but oddly familiar.  I could feel the shakiness and elevated heart rate just like the old days, even if the stakes didn't feel as high as they did when we worked there and always had a good chance to win the Cup.  

The Amerks went to the Finals when I was an intern, but we lost in six games.  I will never forget standing at the fax machine sending out the scoresheet to the media, crying and listening to the other team celebrating on the other side of the wall.  You could smell the alcohol and the cigar smoke.  We had somewhat unexpected early exits three years in a row, and then two very exciting runs.  We had amazing comebacks, big OT wins, played games at the arena in Buffalo, traveled to Hamilton by limo, and partied a lot.  So many memories in those two years alone!  

Anyway, in the midst of all of that comeback, Carter got a puck!  It flew a row or so behind us and the guy who got it gave it to Carter.  Even though he wasn't a big hockey fan, he was so excited!  He was fascinated by how cold it was, that it was Made in Canada, and that it had chunks taken out of the rubber.

We were excited when the game went into overtime, but admittedly, it presented us with a dilemma.  The kids had school the next day and I had my biggest day of the year, our Day of Giving.  That's usually a 13-14 hour day at the office and the last thing I needed was a short night's sleep leading into that.  But it was playoff overtime and you can't leave in the midst of that!  But playoff overtime can also go on for a while, so that was concerning.  I knew we'd need to make the call sometime, but I just hoped the Amerks scored soon enough that it wasn't an issue!  

As a side note, our seats were pretty good!  Despite all this time in sports, it's not too often that I've sat down that low.  I don't love that I can't clearly see the other end of the ice, but that's what the scoreboard is for, right?  If nothing else, we had a great view of some massive checks!

And we also had a great view of the game-winning goal!  It was incredible that the Amerks completed the comeback, and it felt so amazing to see them win.  It definitely felt like old times!

And yes, we were rather tired the next morning (Jacob pretty much napped in the car on the way to school, and I came to work armed with caffeine), but I still think it was worth it.  Then tonight as I finished off this post, they won Game 2 in overtime again and took the series!  I'm so happy for them and hopeful that we might get a little more playoff action around here this spring.  It's long overdue.

Watching the Sabres' last game, being at the Amerks' game, and then hearing the winning goal tonight sometimes makes me think I want to be a fan again.  Subconsciously I wonder if I'm just trying to throw it back to a time in my life that was much simpler.  Realistically I doubt there's space in my life for fandom the way I feel like it should be, but part of me hopes I can try.  As bandwagon-ish as this sounds, if they win, it makes it way more fun and way easier to make space for it.  Even though parts of life are less stressful than they once were, admittedly I'm not sure I have the space yet to let myself get dragged down by that kind of disappointment if they don't continue to improve.  But if nothing else, I'll enjoy it while it lasts now.  Hockey is such a foundation of my life, and it brings back so many good memories.  And I'll take whatever good I can get right now.  The playoff game felt good, and I hope there's more to come.

Consolation Prize

Saturday Carter and I were going to take advantage of the pleasant weather (still only mid-50s but sunny) and finally get to another playground.  I wanted to drop off old expired medication at an event at a Wegmans near us so I decided we'd check out the playground across the street.  We went there four years ago and had fun, almost as much on the playground as we did when we did a hike in the woods nearby.  Well, it's been four years and the playground was significantly less exciting than it was when Carter was five.  Not only was it not as big as it seemed before, now that Carter's a big kid, but one slide (I think) had been completely removed.  They just had some boards blocking off one end of the equipment where something had clearly been removed.  We played for a few minutes, but it lost its lure pretty quickly.  

Carter remembered the fun from our hike (mostly where he dropped a rotted log and ants spilled out), and he was happy to go for another one.  It was a different feel since it was still mostly bare trees and just very early growth elsewhere, but it was neat.

It's hard to see in this picture, but in the middle is a woodpecker!  We watched it peck for a bit and I tried to follow it to get a better picture but no luck!  

We walked along the creek for a bit.  It was so peaceful, aside from the rustling of leaves from tons of chipmunks!  

Just like last time, there were so many trees down.  We've had a lot of windstorms lately so I'm sure that didn't help.  A lot went completely across the creek but I'm not sure if they were moved that way on purpose or not.

This one amazed us because there were two trees down but one of them was still blooming!  If you click on the photo you can probably see it better.

This tree's trunk looked so different.  It almost made me wonder if it was one of those trees where the bark just peels off like paper.  

There were tiny purple violets scattered everywhere!

We chased this butterfly for a bit, too.  It's hard to see and you can't see its coloring at all, but you can make out its silhouette in the middle of the picture, stuck to the tree trunk.

We noticed a few instances of fungi.  This was a pretty big one on a fallen tree.

This tree looked like it had exploded!

This tree was completely hollowed out.  I couldn't tell if it had just rotted out or was struck by lightning.  It had quite the splintering break further up and it looked a little burned, but someone might have lit this little hollow on fire, too.

More cool fungi.  I saw this green one on the side, and then Carter pointed out some crazy colored stuff on the other side...

...which then led to the discovery on the end of this other log next to it.  It was a rainbow of colors!

Finally, we took a selfie on the bridge on the way back out of the trail.  We had a really nice little walk!

I felt bad that the playground was a bust, but at least the walk was a nice consolation prize.  Despite our best efforts we didn't make it to a playground on Sunday because Jacob's tournament was at the worst possible time and by the time we got home it was starting to rain.  I really wanted to go to Highland Park to see the tulips and flowering trees, but that wasn't happening in the rain.  I'm hoping the weather cooperates one of these evenings before all the trees are spent, but we'll see.  At least the 40s are out of the forecast for now, which gives me a little hope, even if it does appear to have been replaced by rain.  Arg.  As far as basketball, it was not a successful weekend on any front.  No wins, no points, very little playing time again.  There is a glimmer of hope that cropped up today, but it's going to take a few things to make it a reality, so we'll see.  Carter spent the weekend falling back in love with soccer, which should be starting any time.  The basketball venue had two giant fields and he had a blast kicking around his soccer ball, especially when there were other kids out there.  He's got quite a shot now, so it will be interesting to see how things go once the season starts.  We did find out today that at least one of his best buddies is on his team, so that was exciting.  Still waiting on his other friend who he's played with twice before.  But it will be nice to get him back into that groove even if it makes our weeks a little crazier!  Otherwise, it's going to be an interesting week since my work's big day is coming Thursday.  A 12+ hour day on tap for me, plus a lot of other prep work and wrap-up, followed by a massive amount of data coming next week for our last big mailing.  But Craig's season is over now, so that's really good timing.  I know we'll all be happy to have him around more, especially on weekends.

May is here (!), and the stretch run has begun!  Jacob has one month of school left and all the fun year-end stuff is coming for Carter.  But for now, off we go to another week!  

Too Tired to do Better

Last weekend I had one of those times where I just sort of ended up paralyzed by indecision and general frustration.  I know I should go do something, but the prospect of actually doing it proves to be too much for some unknown reason.  Sometimes it's just energy level, sometimes it's too many options, sometimes it's just complete mental paralysis.  

Lately when the weather has been decent--not particularly warm but decent--Carter has wanted to go to a playground.  But I'm sort of bored with the ones we've been to a lot, and I'm generally more motivated by checking out a new one or going to one that has a bonus for me, like a trail or somewhere nearby we need to go.  But most new ones are a little farther away from our usual radius, and if the weather isn't great, I don't want to drive 15 or 20 minutes just to be there for 10 minutes and realize it's a little too chilly to climb on the metal bars or be outside for much longer than that.  Last weekend, I couldn't decide on one that didn't feel overdone, so we went nowhere.  And so it went for most of the week when the kids were on break.  Carter was trying to recount parts of his break for his weekend journal, and I'll be honest--aside from Good Friday, Easter, and the outing the kids had with Craig while I was at my cousin's bridal shower last Sunday, there wasn't a whole lot.  There was a lot of screen time, unfortunately, especially since I had to work a couple days.

We didn't even really play with toys much because the living room got to a point where I texted Craig that Friday night after his game that he needed to prepare for toy reorganization the following day.  Our living room is a perpetual mess--partly because the kids have elaborate setups that they use a few times a week to "battle" and partly because Carter simply has too many toys.  He's a very lucky boy, but unfortunately he's also a "lazy player".  If the toy isn't sitting out in front of his face, ready to go, he's probably not going to play with it.  He doesn't have the focus to find missing pieces or even open drawers or doors to remind himself what he has.  He'd rather just go back to his screen and do that because it's easier (and more fun, he says).  Well, I was getting super frustrated because there were broken Lego builds everywhere, toys mixed up in different bins, and abandoned setups all over the room, many of which hadn't been touched in weeks.  If it's not easy for him to grab and play, he won't, so it was just wasting space.  All of that mess made it hard to play with anything, and I just didn't have the time or mental capacity to do a cleanup myself.  Part of that was because there are countless pieces of Lego, Playmobil, or Imaginext stuff mixed in, and I knew Craig would know better which were which and could help in getting it organized.  And sure enough, we did make some progress the next day.  I can at least sit in the room now without it making me nuts, and if we wanted to build something, there's now room to do it.  We cleared out a few things, reorganized some spaces, and put like items back together in different bins.  There's still another round that needs to happen that involves looking at the bins in Carter's room compared to what's in the living room, because some of those should be reunited, and after that figuring out if any of the Imaginext or Playmobil toys should be packed away or given away.  Craig has promised he'll do that soon, but I can't say I'm hopeful.  This weekend marked the beginning of three weeks of tournaments, so not much will get done in that time.  I guess I have to be okay with baby steps, but in the meantime I'm pondering another screen ban for Carter because he's become far too reliant on them again and I can tell it's impacting his focus.  He can be such a diligent, dutiful, loving kid these days, but he can't so much as put on his pajamas without getting sidetracked at least three times.  If I don't watch him closely, he will be fully immersed in something else (or end up right back on the screen he was on) even though he originally ran up to his room to get changed.  I truly think the screens are making it worse.

As a whole I think we've just gotten stuck in this frustrating state where we know things need to be done better, but we just don't have the energy or mental capacity to do it most of the time.  I handle most of the housework--not well, mind you, but more than anyone else--and I know I should do better, but it takes a lot of psyching up to convince myself to do anything extra.  But I have a hard time asking for help because I don't have the energy to battle the kids on another thing (that will likely need to be fixed anyway) and I know Craig is struggling, too.  Things that he used to do without me asking sit undone because I know he's tired, but rather than just assume he's being lazy, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's as mentally spent as me.  I try to nudge, but the line between nudging and nagging is thin, especially when you're tired.  He basically works, taxis Jacob around to basketball, works out, and watches TV.  By the time I'm done with my housework that has to be done (dishes, wiping down the kitchen, trying to clean up the piles), I can't muster much more than phone time, or maybe a workout if I remind myself how much I want to continue to eat food and not gain weight.  And by the time one of us puts Carter to bed and inevitably falls asleep with him, and we finally convince night-owl Jacob to go to bed, there's basically no quality time for us there at all.  We're fine, but it's clearly not ideal.  

Add into all of this that Jacob keeps guilting us about a vacation, and while I know we desperately need one (both a full family one and either a couple one or ::gasp:: a solo one), I'm not sure I have the mental energy to plan one.  He will basically only accept the long-promised Disney trip at this point, and that's even more overwhelming than most.  Can we use Craig's parents' accommodations?  Will COVID get bad there?  Can we handle going in the summer when it's crazy hot and humid?  Do we pull the kids out of school, or can I even miss work any time soon?  If we don't go this summer, then what do we do instead?  It completely overwhelms me, even though I know how desperately we need it.  It all just feels impossible.  I look at other people traveling and sort of marvel that they could go to those far-off, often exotic places.  But truth be told, so could we--there's no reason we couldn't--but I still struggle to fathom it actually happening.  It's just a giant mental block--first because finances concerned me pre-COVID, and now that finances concern me less after a couple raises, it's like COVID has made me completely paralyzed and paranoid that anything we plan won't happen.  I'm out of practice on the practical side, and my fragile temperament can't take more loss in the event something goes wrong.

As I mentioned, my cousin's bridal shower was last weekend.  I was thrilled for her, happy to get some solo time and see some family (minus my mom, who was on her college friends trip down south).  But yet I realized my excitement level was lacking--maybe because of COVID concerns as cases rise here, maybe because I half expected something to get in the way and didn't want to get my expectations too high.  I think I'm just scarred from all of the things that were canceled or postponed these last couple years, especially at the last minute like Christmas was a couple years ago, or like many of my extended family events have been since.  I don't know why this sort of low-level trauma persists as nothing's been completely devastating--just mildly sad or frustrating--nor do I know what it's going to take to fix it.  I just hate that we've basically been in survival mode for two years.  It has definitely evolved and changed through all these different phases and stages, but it's still there.  Thinking back on how hard things were at the beginning, I think it just wiped us out and it's been hard to make our way back from it.  Even as some things have gotten easier or more routine, there were no reserves left to start building any sense of normalcy back.  I've mentioned here before that I'm not sure what the "reset button" might be, whether a real vacation might do it, or whether it would take a more significant return to normal routines.  Sometimes I think that my remote work is just prolonging the trauma somehow, that every day I'm home (even if it's easier in a lot of ways) is a reminder of how things are just different.  That might never go back to normal, and I'm not sure I want it to (laundry and keeping up on mindless background TV shows is so much easier!), but I hope if I am having a trauma response, it will dull with time.

I don't have any answers, and I'm not doing this to complain, but rather to just document yet another step in this crazy pandemic experience.  One step, one day at a time, and maybe one bit of healing, too.