Back to Lax

Saturday marked our return to the lacrosse field with Jacob's one tournament of the fall.  This was our organization's host tournament, but instead of being about 25 minutes away south of Rochester, it was 40 minutes away in Batavia, on fields we've passed a million times and mostly only ever seen soccer on.  The good news is that it made for a shorter trip for my parents, so they were able to join us for part of the day.

While we're happy Jacob has a team to play for within the organization, we're actually a little disappointed in the schedule for his team for the coming nine months.  The last two years, his team played in this tournament and then went to the one in Maryland on Veterans' Day Weekend.  We absolutely loved that we were able to go into Baltimore that weekend last year, though if you'll recall, it was super freezing for the tournament.  This year Jacob's team (because he's essentially with a different caliber of team) is only playing in the host tournament in the fall, and will probably only play in two in the spring, maybe three if the coach decides to look into more.  While the financial savings is nice, it's pretty disappointing that they'll have all this practice time together in the winter and will only get a couple chances to put it all together at a tournament.  It takes time for teams to gel, and when you don't have much time, will it really ever happen?  Jacob generally hates practices, so having so many in proportion to real playing time seems like we may have a challenge on our hands keeping him engaged.  We'll miss the adventure of the Maryland trip, but I won't miss potentially freezing, nor will I miss the mostly dark, very long drive home.  But after this weekend, I do wish we had more time in the fall!

Saturday was a very cold, cloudy day, with a high around 50 and blustery winds.  We were lucky in that our schedule changed at the last minute and we didn't have to play until noon, which meant we missed the morning rain.  However, even without it, it was a little damp and very chilly at the fields.  The temps hung in the upper 40s for the most part.  When the sun came out it was almost tolerable, but when it went behind the many clouds, it was cold and breezy.  And of course I was out of my groove for cold weather packing, so I forgot to track down mittens for Carter, or grab our usual blankets, or find the hand warmer packets.  #momfail

So...we were cold.  Hot chocolate, hands in sleeves, hats and hoods, and glove sharing only went so far.  But we hung in there.  We had three games, basically every other time slot, from noon until 4pm.  My parents came for the last two.  They ended up playing one team twice, which was probably good because it was probably the team closest to them in skill level.  Jacob's team is a combined team of 10 and 11-year-olds, and for the most part they're essentially the rejects from the tryouts for the elite Navy teams at each age level--like the team Jacob was on for two years.  And when the elite teams take the best players at each position, you sort of end up with a mish-mash of leftovers...so some positions are stronger than others and there aren't a ton of subs.  That, of course, is good news for Jacob who was starved for playing time this summer.  Anyway, they played the same team--an inner city team--twice, as well as one of two teams at the same age level from another organization.  These were all teams with players a year older than Jacob, so it was going to be a challenge no matter what.

Photo credit: Craig

Photo credit: Craig (his phone takes nice pictures, doesn't it?)

I should also mention that on our way to the first game, we saw the tent of Jacob's former teammates.  We stopped to say hi to a bunch of parents, all of whom mentioned that their kids miss Jacob.  And let me tell you, we miss them.  It struck me how Saturday could have been this awesome family reunion of sorts, with getting back with the families we spent a full month of weekends with, but instead it was a bittersweet moment to see all of the people we'd like to be hanging out with, only to have to walk away to our new reality.  It was great to see them, but it sucked.  Truly.  Everyone was hopeful Jacob could make it back next year, but like Jacob, I'm not convinced his old coach will ever see a place for him there again, especially since they now have two new attackmen.  All we can hope is that someone will decide it's not for them and Jacob will do well enough to make him tough to refuse.  But maybe it's just not meant to be, since he's not that hot on lacrosse anymore anyway.  We're just taking it day-by-day now.  Tryouts are a long way away and a lot could change by then.  His old team dominated pretty solidly, by the way, winning all three games--two by pretty good margins. 

I should mention that it's not like we're all alone on this new team.  I don't think there are many (if any) who are in Jacob's situation of being with the upper level team previously, but they're all in the same boat of ending up here after other tryouts didn't go as planned, and we do have more connections than expected.  One kid played with Jacob every other year (due to their age difference) on their old house team.  Another teammate is his friend from church (whose mom was Jacob's lunch monitor) and who he'll play with on their house team this winter.  And then I discovered that one of his teammates was a daycare friend of his for years!  Small world.  So, at least there are familiar faces here and there.

It was nice seeing Jacob out there again, particularly since he was out there a lot more than we were used to.  He had a nice normal shift (so probably about half the game).  He played well in the first couple games but wasn't getting many chances.  They won the first game by one goal.  The inner city team was actually pretty good.  They had a lot of size and were clearly athletic.  I think lacrosse is newer to most of them, but they did well despite the loss.  Jacob's team then lost pretty decisively to the team they only played once.  That was tough to watch.

I was hoping the fall colors would be a little more photogenic that day, but we're a bit behind schedule here (not a bad thing) so the ethereal skies would have to do to distract us from the cold.  I was constantly willing the sun to come out and join us.  Alas, its visits were short!

By the third game, we were just eager to finish up and get warm, but we were pleasantly surprised as Jacob had a great game!  He scored two goals and added a beautiful assist!

I tried to take a picture but looked up and accidentally moved the camera since I could tell Jacob had a prime chance...and this was the result.  Jacob's just off to the left, having just taken a shot.  But see that ball even with the crossbar on the left?  It went in!

They won that last game pretty handily, but that was the other team's fourth game of the day and they were no doubt exhausted!  Despite taking two wins, both teams gathered together at the end for a picture and a prayer!

Pretty cool, isn't it?

We were eager to get into the van and warm up.  Those heated seats felt great!  We grabbed some dinner at the Five Guys nearby, and then headed home.  It was all about snuggling in for the rest of the night!  

All in all, it was a successful day.  Jacob even ended the day more positive than I've heard him in months!  He seemed to like his teammates and wished they were able to go to another tournament this fall.  He still misses his old teammates but said he wouldn't want to give up his playing time.  That was really good to hear.  It's just a shame that it'll be so long before they play together again.  But it made me hopeful that eventually we'll find out what the reason was that he ended up on this team.  It hasn't been an easy journey, but I hope there's a good ending!

So much to do, so little time...

On Sunday, despite being exhausted, we all got up and out for church.  We drove separately because afterward Carter and I had to rush off to a birthday party!  His classmate Avery turned five on the same day Carter did his "About Me" poster at school.  He got invited to her party, said he wanted to go, and then promptly freaked out about it after I RSVPed.  Sigh.  We still managed to get him to pick out a present on Saturday, and with a little convincing he got back on board to go...but wasn't happy about it.  The party was at Michael's, the craft store, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

We came in a few minutes late (church ran long) and everyone else was hard at work on decorating crowns with gems, stickers, and markers.  I helped Carter get some gems glued on his crown, and then after some convincing, we moved on to slime!  I have never done slime, which probably makes me a bad parent, but hey, if they're not asking, I'm not offering!  I don't need to go on hunts for glue or contact solution, or risk dyeing our house or finding something gooey in the crack of the couch.  We first made foamy slime with shaving cream, and then moved on to this one with clear glue...

Those white things are little foam balls to give it texture.

After slime making, the kids got to decorate their own cupcake in a cone (I loved those as a kid!), and then they did a saran wrap ball, where you unwrap for a certain amount of time before passing it along to the next person.  The kids did well with sharing and encouraging each other, and Carter was happy with his prizes.  As we left he admitted that he had a great time and was happy he went.  Yay!

We headed home just in time to have some lunch and see Craig and Jacob off to lacrosse practice.  By that point I was yawning non-stop and decided I had no choice but to let electronics babysit Carter for a bit so I could nap.  I literally had to rest.  So I did.  It wasn't a quality rest, but at least when I got up I could function!  I had to drag myself out of bed to start dinner, because dinner had to be prompt so we could get on the road on time to our evening destination: Strong Museum!

It was time for our annual free night at the museum through an organization that I have an investment with (courtesy of my grandma).  It's hard to cram everything into 2-1/2 hours, but we try!  Jacob and Craig mostly play video games and pinball games, but Carter and I tried to see as much as we could.  There was one new area that we hadn't seen, so we were sure to check that out.

Our first stop was this new climbing structure with a rocket ship theme.  Those two glowing balls inside were the coolest pendant lamps.  I marveled at how easily Carter maneuvered through there, after remembering how he got a bit stuck the first time he tried to do another one of these elsewhere in the museum.

There was also this really fun area where you could shoot foam "shingles" up a tube with some serious air flow, then add them to the roof up above. 

Putting in a shingle

The view from the top looking down

Once you were done you could put the shingles down a chute to be used again.  There was a button on the wall to make a light flash, which is what Carter is so excited about here!

We moved on to the cool spaceship area near a revamped helicopter that both boys have enjoyed.  This was pretty fun, though.  Three different seats, and lots of different buttons to press. Some of them seemed to do stuff :)  There was a "window" to see out into space, and sometimes there would be asteroids or something to see.  Carter took his pilot job very seriously!

It is wrong that this was my favorite part?

I have always loved stuff that responds to your touch like that!

We moved on to a special exhibit on astronauts, and in this one you got to land a space ship or drive a rover.  It was pretty challenging but very cool! 

We wandered around to try to get in to the butterflies, but no luck, so we walked upstairs toward the big boys.  On our way we did all of our usual favorites, like controlling the giant Mr. Potato Head and putting Slinkies down stairs (Carter was pretty impressed!) before getting to this giant screen where you could virtually pop bubbles!  We had a lot of fun.  You can see me taking the pic in the background.

We used a similar virutal screen where you could "play" with toys on shelves.  Amazing what technology does now.  In the meantime, the big boys were in the video game section, and eventually we joined them.

Foosball!

Giant angry birds game!

I'm only including this because pics of me are rare!  This was a weird basketball game where you'd hit the basketball on the console to propel a small basketball into hoops. I could get it high enough but not at the right angle!

Carter and I headed back downstairs to the storybook area, where we climbed on the ship...

...then checked out the electronic harp (no strings, just lasers) and giant chess.  We also built a mini castle on an earthquake (giant footsteps) table.  Carter also handled with ease the other climbing structure I mentioned earlier, the one he got stuck on when he was little.

On we went to the pinball room, and everyone had fun with the games there. 

This one was free and Carter loved it!  I played the little Super Mario one next to it.

Carter loves the Berenstain Bear room, with the fruit conveyor belt and the diner and half a dozen other activities.  I think he could spend all day in there.  But of course our future chef would love the diner!

We were running out of time so we started heading back toward the front.  Another new feature was this tiny stage with a working light and sound board.  Jacob had fun "announcing" Carter, and then Carter would come out to lights and applause.  It's a little blurry, but check out the joy on his face!

It was extra funny when he told a joke (perfectly, I might add), and Jacob ran the laugh track!

We headed to one last space before we left, and I had to get a pic of the funny mirrors in the midst of a bit of a whiffle ball war among all three of the boys.  Normally this is a toddler area, so they were lucky it wasn't busy!

The last thing we did was the coolest thing I've seen in a while.  There was table full of kinetic sand (which is really cool, by the way).  It was fun enough to play with dinosaurs in it, but notice the colors.  Those are elevations!  As you build the sand higher, it recognized the elevation of the sand, both on the table and on a map projected on the wall.  The wall projection also recognized where you moved sand to create new landforms or "water".  It was so cool to watch it change as you created something new!

We were sad to leave, but it was a fun night!  I said it last year and we never did it, but it's just a reminder that we need to pay to go there sometime so we have much more time to play with!  There were so many things that we didn't get to do, even in two years of visits!  Carter is at such a great age, though, so it would be fun to go back--but just maybe on a day that not every district has off!

Anyway, it was a great day, but a very busy one!  Monday was a struggle after so many busy days, but that's the price you pay for special days like we had!

First Raptors Game!

Before we get to our busy Sunday, I wanted to share a few pictures from Craig and Jacob's trip to Toronto.  I would have loved for this to be a family trip, but I had to work and Carter would have been way too antsy for one parent to deal with, so it ended up just being the two of them. 

This is a custom jersey maker.  If you look closely you can see the last name has been customized.

Wahlburger's before the game!  Gluten-free deliciousness!

New arena name = new scoreboard - so long, Air Canada Centre.

This is not where they sat, though it would have been cool if they did!  They were about 19 rows up.

Who is this big kid, anyway?!

Nice view!

The Raptors won by a bunch, and they had a great time.  Jacob even got a couple autographs - one from an Australian player, and one from a Raptor, which he was really excited about! 

They're already hatching a plan for us to go back, probably with a little help from Aunt Kristin who has some NBA connections!  We'll see how it goes.  Without traveling for lacrosse this fall, I guess we have options! 

I'm glad they had fun and that Carter had a good time with Grandma and Grandpa, too.  He did some geocaching and playground time, and was a very good boy overall.  It's nice when everything works out!  The boys drove home late and got back to my parents' around midnight.  They all headed back around midday and awaited my arrival from work.  We all enjoyed a Chick-fil-A dinner, and then it was on to Sunday!

Working for the Weekend

This past weekend was quite a crazy one for our foursome.  It actually started on Thursday, when we headed to Carter's open house at school.  I'm not sure who was more excited--Carter the tour guide, or Jacob the big man on campus!  We had a great time checking out Carter's classroom and seeing all of his projects.  Our personal favorite was his drawing of his favorite nursery rhyme, which was Humpty Dumpty "because he loves scrambled eggs"!  His teacher had some cute touches around the room, and it was so nice to visit knowing he's doing well and learning a lot.

Jacob was excited to visit his old teachers--well, not his Kindergarten teacher who (of course) was unavoidable since she was directly across the hall.  Awkward smiles and hellos were exchanged.  We said hi to his second grade teacher, who now teaches Kindergarten, and she remarked how tall he's gotten (which was a constant refrain earlier in the day when Jacob came with me to my office).  We said hi to the school counselor, who he spent a lot of time with, and the principal, who I finally got to thank in person for the teacher switch.  She was as thrilled as I am that it has worked out so well!  We finally visited his first grade teacher, the woman I credit with saving his educational career after such a rough Kindergarten run.  She was so sweet and willing to work with him, and couldn't say enough good things about him, which was such a switch from the previous year.  She was so happy to see him, and when we talked about Carter being in Kindergarten, I said that we're crossing our fingers for next year.  She said, "I think we can make that happen!"  So let's hope she's right!

On Friday morning, I headed off to work and the boys drove west.  They stopped in NT to drop Carter at my parents' house, then Craig and Jacob continued on to Toronto for Jacob's first Raptors' game, a preseason match against an Australian team.  He was so excited!  I'll share more about that soon, I hope, assuming I can get pictures from Craig.  In the meantime, I had a very busy couple days ahead.  It was our big homecoming/reunion/family weekend at work, which meant a jam-packed schedule.  Unlike most years I had no late shifts, but the shifts I had were non-stop action!

I worked an hour at our annual giving table, then three hours checking people in at registration.  That shift was particularly busy and went fast!  Then I had three hours working a general information table at registration, at which point I took this picture of the flags above as the sun blinded me...

Because the boys were out of town, I was having a hard time deciding what I was going to with my evening.  I could eat anywhere I wanted!  I ended up hanging out for an extra hour just because the company was good and I was indecisive.  At that point I stopped back at my office, checked my email, grabbed a delivery, and finally headed out on the first part of my evening adventure.  As I was on my way, I noticed that the sunset looked promising and made a last second decision to head up to Cobbs Hill to see if I could catch a pretty sunset shot of the city.  When I was about four minutes away, the sky was breathtaking.  Purples and pinks and oranges!  But by the time I got up the hill, it looked more like this:

As I drove away, there was a spot on the way down the hill where the sky had this amazing orange glow, but it was a single lane and a car was behind me so I couldn't exactly hop out and take a picture.  But it was a fun little attempt, anyway!

My next stop (and original destination) was the Memorial Art Gallery.  This wasn't my main attraction, but I had to take a shot of it anyway--because how could I not?

But that was just en route to my actual destination, the Meliora letters!  Multiple campuses around the University had their own versions, and I'd never seen these in person.  They were worth the trip!  So pretty.

I continued my walk to go see a new addition to the sculpture garden.  I've taken pictures of the giant sculptor girl before, but apparently her stone was breaking apart so they replaced her with a new bronze version that matches a lot of the smaller sculptures in the park.

It was actually pretty magical as I walked around in the early evening light.  It was rather chilly (low 50s) but it was peaceful and pretty.  The walkway back to the parking lot--a favorite of mine since the time Carter and I visited--was sort of dreamy with its strings of lights.

Despite big plans to grab dinner out somewhere, I was tired enough to just head home, make leftover tacos, eat an IKEA cinnamon roll (from my frozen stash), and drink a glass of wine in front of the TV.  That was just fine with me!

I had to be up bright and early the next day, and woke up to a dreary morning.  I packed up a poncho, umbrella, and a change of clothes, then headed to work with an iced cappuccino in hand.  As I got on the shuttle to campus, it absolutely downpoured.  That is not what you're looking for in the middle of Meliora Weekend, that's for sure.

My first event was the keynote address with journalist Soledad O'Brien.  I was manning the handicapped seating and later ended up scanning tickets.  I wish I got to hear more, but duty called!  As we waited through the event, the rain miraculously cleared, and the temperature jumped about 20 degrees!  By the time I took a minute to step outside and appreciate the architectural details of the building we were in, the sky was clear and blue.

After the address was finished, I headed over to the staff hangout room to grab some lunch and change my clothes for my next shift, and by the time I finished that, the clouds had moved back in and looked threatening again, just in time for my outside shift on a golf cart!

My three hour shift was a little better than last year's, with far more riders and far less downtime.  I met some lovely people, and even got kissed on the cheek by a grateful Indian mother who spoke very little English.  She could only tell me "Computer science", and after a look through current events I determined she just needed to go to the computer science building.  We ended up taking a rather roundabout route there, but when she saw and recognized the building, she was so happy she grabbed my head and kissed me on the cheek!  She then thanked me profusely with her limited English.  It was cute and definitely gave me a laugh.  I did one run with an entire cart wedged full of musical instruments for a band that was performing, and took one family whose little girl was in tears because her cart ride last year was a highlight and she wanted another one.  You just never know what you'll get!

Once I finished up--dry, thankfully--I had a goal: I needed to ride the ferris wheel.  Two years ago they had a ferris wheel for the first time and I really wanted to ride it.  But between my assigned shifts, the weather, and whatever else, it never happened.  And it didn't happen last year either.  But this year, darn it, it needed to happen.  I had a half hour to get on before it closed for the night, and by luck my boss--who had also been trying to ride it--found me just in time and we got to go on together.

Heading up!

At the top!

Looking out over the food trucks and big tent

Looking at I.M. Pei's Wilson Commons

The ride was fabulous and marked a great way to end the day!  I walked over to the Eastman Quad to get my requisite picture of the Meliora letters there (new banners in the background this year)…

...and then it was time to head home to my boys.  I only had one day to enjoy my weekend, and boy, was it going to be a busy one!

The Presenter

When school started, Carter came home with a big poster that he needed to decorate with things all about him.  Jacob had one in Kindergarten, too, and it was basically torture to get him to work on it.  So when I saw Carter's, I cringed a little.  I shouldn't have worried.  Carter was excited to work on it, though he actually had to wait on me so I could print him some photographs for his picture and our family, along with a couple of the "favorite" categories--animal (snake) and place (Seabreeze).  Once we got those, he was eager to work on it.  What a difference!

I did, however, remember how difficult it is to have a kid who's not quite literate and isn't exactly an artist, but who wants to just do his own thing.  I wanted Carter to write all the things he needed to write, which meant me spelling things for him.  He's still having a tough time with writing, though slowly but surely he's getting better.  He can recognize letters and even sounds, but when it comes to writing them himself it's a bit more challenging.  He needed reminders on how to do a few, and even then it wasn't a given he'd do it right.  "S" is a challenge, for example.  He'll get there, but I'm keeping a close eye in case more is going on.  In the meantime, we were picking and choosing friends' names to include in the "Friends" section because I wasn't sure I wanted to attempt names with eight letters in such a tiny space!  Trying to let him write without making a mistake was nervewracking.

When it came to drawing, I tried to let him take the lead.  In some cases I needed to ask questions to prompt him on what might be appropriate to draw.  For example, in his "I want to be..." section, he wanted to do a chef, so we talked about kitchen things that might be more obvious to draw than a chef hat (which would be a rectangle).  We talked about his favorite activities and how he might draw those objects (a soccer ball, army guy, and phone).  I observed, but for the most part I let him go.  I wanted it to be clear it was his work, and have him get the benefit and pride of doing it himself.

We did have a little struggle with going "above and beyond", which was always a thing with Jacob, too.  There were stars and other little things that he could color to make it look nicer, and initially Carter wasn't interested.  He finally did the stars in yellow and colored the silverware in the food section gray, but it wasn't until the other day that he looked at it again and added color to the plants in the fishbowl in the animal section.  I wonder how much of that was him, and how much was comparing to his classmates.  See, the one thing that made this different than Jacob's was that the kids were presenting their poster, and a pretty big deal was being made of it.  Parents were invited, even!  Each kid had a "special day", and at the end of the day they'd present.  Well, Carter was the second-to-last kid to go.  They started the Tuesday after school started and today was the last one.  Carter had a lot of other kids to watch, and I wonder how much of what he did was a result of all he's seen in the past three weeks or so.  I felt bad for the first few kids.  Not only were they doing it cold, but they had to have their posters done quickly.  We had weeks...and thank goodness.  I'm probably worse about homework than the kids most of the time...though it's not like I don't have a million other things in my head!.  As it was I was having a hard time remembering to have him practice his presentation!

Craig and I both managed to make it in to see him, and I'm so glad we did.  First, it was fun to get a glimpse of the end of the day preparations in a Kindergarten classroom.  His teacher is a saint!  But Carter did amazing!  He was so sweet explaining very simply what each section represented.

During his practice runs he kept forgetting one section or another, or blanking on what something was, but this time he did them all perfectly!  I loved every second of it!  When he was done, his friends got to raise their hands with questions or comments.  It was seriously the cutest thing ever watching him call on each person.  Their comments were pretty comical, with most of them saying that they liked his poster, and a few saying that they liked the same things he does.  One mentioned that he knows his brother from Educare (the afterschool program)...haha!

He did so great and we were so proud of him.  Seeing him in that classroom was yet another reminder of the big kid he's becoming, and I got a little misty on the way back to work thinking about it.  Initially it was just because he's not my baby anymore and he's grown into such a cool, sweet kid.  But then I got to thinking about Jacob and all we went through with him.  I contrasted where we are with Carter and where we were with Jacob at this age.  I marveled at the relative ease with which we've gotten here with Carter, particularly compared to all we went through with his brother.  It's incredible to think about, truly.

Jacob was in the hospital for a week when he was born.  He got bronchiolitis when he was a couple months old and had a cough for nine months afterward.  He probably had a sensitivity to my milk, and had acid reflux.  Because of the reflux he had to have some weird test to monitor his digestion, in addition to a traumatic x-ray he received while in a tube (as it's the only way to immobilize babies).  He was on multiple medications for the first few years of his life and had to go to a pulmonary specialist for years.  His daycare closed when he was 18 months old.  He had a mole removed from his leg.  He was a behavior challenge from the moment he became mobile.  He wasn't potty trained until he was 3-1/2, and wasn't dry at night until he was five (almost six, as I recall).  He was diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  He has been in therapy since he was five.  He had a bone cyst necessitating major surgery.  And all along the behavior stuff has been a constant challenge, culminating in an ADHD diagnosis.  I'm probably forgetting stuff, too.

Compare that to Carter.  He had to stop nursing at six weeks because of a sensitivity to my milk and had reflux, but since we already knew Jacob had issues, he didn't have to go through any major testing aside from a super quick reflux check, which was actually negative.  Even still, symptoms remained so he was on reflux/respiratory meds for years and had to go to the same pulmonary specialist, though we were done a lot sooner.  We thought he had a rice sensitivity, but whatever it was passed much quicker than expected.  He had molluscum contagiosum, but even that wasn't that bad.  He had a stutter, but it wasn't deemed speech therapy-worthy.  Even with the awful daycare shakeup a few years ago, he was relatively insulated by being with the two teachers who stuck around.  While his interactions with his brother are challenging, it's clear his behavior is far more typical.  So, while it all still seems like a lot, each individual issue was so much less horrible than Jacob's.  He's been so fortunate.

Anyway, when I think about all that we've been through with Jacob--all of the really tough stuff he's had to endure--and compare it to Carter's smooth ride, it's shocking.  I know that with Jacob being our first and us being typical overreactive first-time parents, some of what he went through was probably overkill, or at least felt more stressful for us.  Some of what he went through paved the way for his brother when the same issues came along, which made Carter's journey much smoother in comparison.  It just shocked me when I thought about the differences, that Carter's first five years have felt so much less traumatizing, and almost downright peaceful, compared to Jacob's.  On one hand it feels unfair that Jacob has had to go through so much, but selfishly I'm so grateful that we didn't have a repeat because I'm not sure I would have mentally survived.  I wouldn't wish most of this on anyone, but at the same time I'm grateful for all I've learned about not judging other parents and understanding special needs kids a bit better.  I've learned I'm stronger than I thought, even though I don't always love this worn-down, stressed-out version of me.

I'm so thankful for Carter and how he was the perfect kid to come into our lives at the perfect time.  He was the baby that helped me stop doubting myself as a mom and gave me something to smile about when smiles were hard to come by.  And now, I'm so proud of the little boy he's become, and can't wait to see what amazing things are in store for him.