I did, however, remember how difficult it is to have a kid who's not quite literate and isn't exactly an artist, but who wants to just do his own thing. I wanted Carter to write all the things he needed to write, which meant me spelling things for him. He's still having a tough time with writing, though slowly but surely he's getting better. He can recognize letters and even sounds, but when it comes to writing them himself it's a bit more challenging. He needed reminders on how to do a few, and even then it wasn't a given he'd do it right. "S" is a challenge, for example. He'll get there, but I'm keeping a close eye in case more is going on. In the meantime, we were picking and choosing friends' names to include in the "Friends" section because I wasn't sure I wanted to attempt names with eight letters in such a tiny space! Trying to let him write without making a mistake was nervewracking.
When it came to drawing, I tried to let him take the lead. In some cases I needed to ask questions to prompt him on what might be appropriate to draw. For example, in his "I want to be..." section, he wanted to do a chef, so we talked about kitchen things that might be more obvious to draw than a chef hat (which would be a rectangle). We talked about his favorite activities and how he might draw those objects (a soccer ball, army guy, and phone). I observed, but for the most part I let him go. I wanted it to be clear it was his work, and have him get the benefit and pride of doing it himself.
We did have a little struggle with going "above and beyond", which was always a thing with Jacob, too. There were stars and other little things that he could color to make it look nicer, and initially Carter wasn't interested. He finally did the stars in yellow and colored the silverware in the food section gray, but it wasn't until the other day that he looked at it again and added color to the plants in the fishbowl in the animal section. I wonder how much of that was him, and how much was comparing to his classmates. See, the one thing that made this different than Jacob's was that the kids were presenting their poster, and a pretty big deal was being made of it. Parents were invited, even! Each kid had a "special day", and at the end of the day they'd present. Well, Carter was the second-to-last kid to go. They started the Tuesday after school started and today was the last one. Carter had a lot of other kids to watch, and I wonder how much of what he did was a result of all he's seen in the past three weeks or so. I felt bad for the first few kids. Not only were they doing it cold, but they had to have their posters done quickly. We had weeks...and thank goodness. I'm probably worse about homework than the kids most of the time...though it's not like I don't have a million other things in my head!. As it was I was having a hard time remembering to have him practice his presentation!
Craig and I both managed to make it in to see him, and I'm so glad we did. First, it was fun to get a glimpse of the end of the day preparations in a Kindergarten classroom. His teacher is a saint! But Carter did amazing! He was so sweet explaining very simply what each section represented.
During his practice runs he kept forgetting one section or another, or blanking on what something was, but this time he did them all perfectly! I loved every second of it! When he was done, his friends got to raise their hands with questions or comments. It was seriously the cutest thing ever watching him call on each person. Their comments were pretty comical, with most of them saying that they liked his poster, and a few saying that they liked the same things he does. One mentioned that he knows his brother from Educare (the afterschool program)...haha!
He did so great and we were so proud of him. Seeing him in that classroom was yet another reminder of the big kid he's becoming, and I got a little misty on the way back to work thinking about it. Initially it was just because he's not my baby anymore and he's grown into such a cool, sweet kid. But then I got to thinking about Jacob and all we went through with him. I contrasted where we are with Carter and where we were with Jacob at this age. I marveled at the relative ease with which we've gotten here with Carter, particularly compared to all we went through with his brother. It's incredible to think about, truly.
Jacob was in the hospital for a week when he was born. He got bronchiolitis when he was a couple months old and had a cough for nine months afterward. He probably had a sensitivity to my milk, and had acid reflux. Because of the reflux he had to have some weird test to monitor his digestion, in addition to a traumatic x-ray he received while in a tube (as it's the only way to immobilize babies). He was on multiple medications for the first few years of his life and had to go to a pulmonary specialist for years. His daycare closed when he was 18 months old. He had a mole removed from his leg. He was a behavior challenge from the moment he became mobile. He wasn't potty trained until he was 3-1/2, and wasn't dry at night until he was five (almost six, as I recall). He was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. He has been in therapy since he was five. He had a bone cyst necessitating major surgery. And all along the behavior stuff has been a constant challenge, culminating in an ADHD diagnosis. I'm probably forgetting stuff, too.
Compare that to Carter. He had to stop nursing at six weeks because of a sensitivity to my milk and had reflux, but since we already knew Jacob had issues, he didn't have to go through any major testing aside from a super quick reflux check, which was actually negative. Even still, symptoms remained so he was on reflux/respiratory meds for years and had to go to the same pulmonary specialist, though we were done a lot sooner. We thought he had a rice sensitivity, but whatever it was passed much quicker than expected. He had molluscum contagiosum, but even that wasn't that bad. He had a stutter, but it wasn't deemed speech therapy-worthy. Even with the awful daycare shakeup a few years ago, he was relatively insulated by being with the two teachers who stuck around. While his interactions with his brother are challenging, it's clear his behavior is far more typical. So, while it all still seems like a lot, each individual issue was so much less horrible than Jacob's. He's been so fortunate.
Anyway, when I think about all that we've been through with Jacob--all of the really tough stuff he's had to endure--and compare it to Carter's smooth ride, it's shocking. I know that with Jacob being our first and us being typical overreactive first-time parents, some of what he went through was probably overkill, or at least felt more stressful for us. Some of what he went through paved the way for his brother when the same issues came along, which made Carter's journey much smoother in comparison. It just shocked me when I thought about the differences, that Carter's first five years have felt so much less traumatizing, and almost downright peaceful, compared to Jacob's. On one hand it feels unfair that Jacob has had to go through so much, but selfishly I'm so grateful that we didn't have a repeat because I'm not sure I would have mentally survived. I wouldn't wish most of this on anyone, but at the same time I'm grateful for all I've learned about not judging other parents and understanding special needs kids a bit better. I've learned I'm stronger than I thought, even though I don't always love this worn-down, stressed-out version of me.
I'm so thankful for Carter and how he was the perfect kid to come into our lives at the perfect time. He was the baby that helped me stop doubting myself as a mom and gave me something to smile about when smiles were hard to come by. And now, I'm so proud of the little boy he's become, and can't wait to see what amazing things are in store for him.
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