Well, Jacob's back to his uncooperative self. He hasn't gotten the check next to "Cooperative" for most of the week, and we've been getting those notes on his daily sheets about not listening. I know he's been spending some "timeout"-ish time in the office, which is really the best way they can get him away from the trouble and the situation, which is what timeouts should do. We discussed how he doesn't like being away from the group and being excluded from things (hence why he usually comes running when I say that Daddy and I are going to eat dinner without him and eat up all the food). We've also had horrible issues at bedtime (most nights this week, all except Wednesday), which could potentially be partially the fault of Craig's birthday cupcakes, which we've been having for dessert most nights. He's been up late, throwing out his animals, and being just generally difficult. I've been wracking my brain all week trying to figure out what's different from last week when he was being so good. I haven't figured out anything specific.
Tonight is another hockey game, and once again I'm debating whether or not we're going to go. His behavior may not warrant it, but he's usually good once we're there, it gives us an excuse to have dinner out (I only have so many ideas for "Jacob and me" dinners--we've already had two this week), and it kills a few hours. Usually we'll leave after the second period to get him home for a reasonable bedtime, so it's not a bad way to spend the evening, but if his behavior at daycare today is bad, we might just have to skip it. It'll make for a simpler yet potentially more frustrating evening for me, but there are pros and cons on both sides. I could get a head start on cookie baking, perhaps, or finally catch up on one of my Biggest Loser episodes on DVR, do some online shopping, or maybe even go to bed early. But at the same time, I do want to give Jacob a night he will enjoy whenever possible. It's a tough balance, made tougher by demands of the holiday season and his recent behavior.
I want to be consistent with discipline, but at this age it's hard to know your child's limitations. I mean, what is he cognitively able to control and what isn't he? One thing that kids take a while to acquire (and this is scientific--I read an article about it once) is impulse control. They have no filter, so when they want something--whether it's a desire to say something or do something-- they do it. It takes a long time to learn to restrain those actions. And I guess in the meantime it's up to the authority figures in their lives to teach them what isn't appropriate and should be restrained. But until they actually get that, it's hard to find the line between teaching them when they go wrong and punishing them when they willfully misbehave. I find myself thinking about this stuff a lot--not simply to give Jacob an excuse, but more to reframe my thinking of how I deal with his misbehavior. Sometimes it's a knee jerk reaction to yell and punish, but when you step back from the situation and think, "Did he really understand what he was doing?", it makes you stop and rethink things. Here's a simple example--Kids have to learn the simplest of concepts from scratch, like when you drop something, it falls. That's why dropping things off the high chair tray is so fascinating for babies. But when things fall, not everything responds the same. Most things babies have in their possession just fall. Maybe they make a noise. But if they drop something of mommy's, it might do something different, like break. So when your child is young enough to still be experimenting, and not old enough to realize that what they're touching will break, it's hard to really punish them for dropping and breaking something. They just didn't know. But if they've been constantly told not to touch that object, have the understanding to get what that means, and still disobeyed, it gets more complicated. Should they be punished because they knew something was wrong and still did it, or is it that impulse control issue, that they simply can't hold back? I truly have no idea how you know.
Lately I've been thinking a bit about how it felt to have a new baby. Like I mentioned the other day, two of my friends just became first-time parents in the last week or so, and another is welcoming baby #2 (baby #1 will be two in February--yeah, they're daring) tomorrow. And while I know about a million other thoughts and emotions cloud your thinking when you have a newborn, there's one thing that I've decided is truly special about that time. When you have a new baby, they've never done one thing to knowingly wrong you. Sure, they may keep you up for hours at a time, or be a fussy eater, or scream through a diaper change. But all of that stuff is just instinct. It's unavoidable and it's certainly not on purpose. They would probably rather be cooing happily, but when something in their world isn't right, crying is how they tell you. So no matter how frustrating and hard it may be when your baby communicates like that frequently, they're not doing it to make you crazy. I suppose things get less clear as you go along, for example, understanding that when they cry you come to help, and knowing to milk that for all it's worth. But until your child starts knowingly disobeying, they're still your little angel most of the time. However, once that obvious disobeying begins, you start bringing the emotions of disappointment, distrust, and anger into the relationship. It's a sad moment, quite frankly, because this perfect (albeit stressful) relationship that you've had experiences a big change that pretty much lasts forever. Those sweet, innocent days become fewer and fewer. Some days I get conflicted with Jacob. I love him beyond words and always will, but there are some days, after a particularly rough battle or bad night, that it's hard to look in his face and see that perfect baby. I see a touch of mischief in those eyes or in that smile, and it makes me sad. I miss the days of looking at him and thinking he's the most perfect thing on the planet. Do I still look at him and marvel at the amazing creation he is? Of course. But I get many vivid reminders that he's not perfect, and they take me even farther from the sweet days of his infancy, challenging as they were in their own right. At the end of the day I still love him so much, and I think that the "hard" feeling I feel goes beyond his behavior. I worry about what that behavior indicates about what he's feeling inside, I wonder what it means for his future (behavior and otherwise), and I probably beat myself up for whatever flawed parenting may have caused it all. Would more or less or different discipline have changed things? Should I not have drunk all of those Nutrasweet-laden beverages when I was pregnant? Have all these months of daycare finally turned him into a rebellious child? You just wonder what has caused it all, and how you got so far from the sweet baby you brought into the world. And in true parental form, you just want to make it all better.
Don't get me wrong. We're doing okay. It's a challenge but it's more or less what we signed up for. Every day is an opportunity to figure it all out, and that's what I will try my best to do. He's worth the effort.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Remember this? (And NO, this is NOT an announcement)
I just realized that three years ago today we had our first ultrasound. I knew it was right around this time, but when I checked the images, I saw that they were dated December 7th. Crazy.
Somewhere in there you'll see a tiny Jacob. I will never forget sitting there watching it all happen, being absolutely shocked about how formed the baby was. I expected an amorphous blob, and here was a real actual baby. He even moved around while we were watching, which was unreal to see. Little arms and legs that I never expected would be there yet. I remember leaving there on this incredible high, so excited about our future but still scared out of my mind. We were leaving in a few days for our Florida trip, so that made things even more unknown. But I was so excited anyway, and sort of dying inside that we couldn't tell anyone until Christmas!
It is so amazing to look at that picture and know that it's Jacob. What a difference three years has made!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Christmas and Life Lessons
Before I get to the main topic of this post, I wanted to say that we had a really nice weekend. Jacob was actually really well-behaved. That's not to say we didn't have our moments, of course, but in the grand scheme of things he at least acted his age...rather than just some crazy version of it. He was downright pleasant at times, saying "thank you" a lot when I'd give him something and even behaving at church. It was really, really nice. Even on Saturday when my parents and my aunt came into town, Jacob was great. We pretty much just showed my aunt our house, and then all of us (minus Craig, who was working) went to dinner and the Amerks game. Jacob ate his dinner very well, and then was a very good boy at the Amerks game, our first in about a month. Grandma took him to play knee hockey with the other (bigger) kids in the corner of the concourse during intermissions, and apparently he held his own...though I guess he needs some brushing up on the rules since he was scoring on himself when he played goal, then high fived everyone. Yeah, not exactly. But overall it was a very pleasant experience to have a normal relationship with my child for a few days...minimal yelling, not a lot of threatening, and lots of smiles and hugs and snuggles. Fantastic. Oh, and a very happy birthday today to Craig! I was hoping to celebrate with singing and cupcakes tonight, but he has to work. I guess last night's dinner out with a big celebratory sundae at the end will have to do for now.
Anyway on to today's main topic. I feel like this Christmas season has been a bit of a conundrum for me. We have this awesome little boy who is really starting to understand Christmas this year. I want to make sure it is magical and fun for him, and I'm sure that regardless of anything else that goes on, it will be. He has many years to refine his appreciation for the simpler points of the holiday, but I know that at this point it's pretty much all about the gifts. And between us, both sets of grandparents, and his aunts, uncles, and godmother, he will be well taken care of. Beyond well, I'm sure. But I worry. Why? Well, on one hand, for a kid Christmas is the one time of year where dreams come true. You get presents, you get to eat treats, AND you get time off from school to enjoy it all. But on the other hand, when you're dealing with an impressionable toddler, how much is too much? As a parent, where do you draw the line between making your kid feel the magic yet making sure they come back down to earth appropriately after it's all over?
For months Jacob has been making a mental Christmas list. On it is pretty much any piece of sporting equipment you can imagine...even if he's already got a few scattered among his toys. Skates, hockey gloves, helmet, pucks, sticks, balls, you name it. He also wants a hockey net and (thanks to a couple prompts from us--either purposeful or accidental) a new hockey rink for his "hockey guys". He's getting both of those last two items, and he's also getting a real hockey stick and probably a mini goalie stick (since he doesn't have one of those among his many sticks, and he likes being a goalie). We're also hoping to get hand-me-down skates sometime soon. At this point I know he's not doing it out of greed. He just knows he wants it and that's it. I know he'll be thrilled with all of what he gets, but I do still worry that when all is said and done, he'll be sitting there asking us where his hockey gloves and helmet are. I'm sure we'll blame a little of it on Santa ("Sorry, buddy, he must not have been able to fit it on the sleigh..."), but I don't want to do so much of it that we turn him against Santa. After all, Jacob strikes me as a kid who will remember come next year, and he'll probably bring his hockey stick when he goes to see Santa next December, ready to rough him up and make sure it doesn't happen again! All kidding aside, I'm left wondering if this is really the best time of year to make the point that we don't always get what we want. He'll certainly learn that as he gets older, but is now the time to start the tough lesson? I just don't know. We've definitely covered a lot of his bases, so I suppose I'm also a little worried that he'll start thinking that if he asks for something from Santa, he's going to get it. I'm not a big fan of that lesson, either.
The thing is, I know he's only two so I don't want to go all out. But I also don't want to feel like we're chintzing out and not taking advantage of the holiday enough to give him some great stuff. We've gotten him some good things already, but I'm constantly trying to think of other things we could get him. I feel like I haven't been all that creative, but then again, with a kid who just plays sports, sometimes it's tough to think of anything else. I mean, on one hand I don't want a bunch of toys sitting around that he won't use. If he spends 90% of his time playing sports, is it worth getting him anything else? But at the same time I want to use this opportunity to encourage him to do other things. I want him to get some cool new toys that will capture his imagination and potentially give him new things to do so sports doesn't need to be everything. All sports all the time is particularly tough this time of year, because he can't go outside to play and is limited to what he can do in our living room. Now would be the perfect time to divert his attention to some other things, if at all possible. He's getting a bunch of Duplo blocks (the big Legos), which I know he plays with at daycare. There had been some talk about getting him a little table and chairs set, and I think that might be fun for him, too, because he could sit and color or play with his Legos. But I'm sure there are other things he'd enjoy, too, if only I could figure out what. But he really doesn't need that much, because he's really not home that much. Between daycare, naps, meals and errands, his time is limited. Still, I want him to love what he gets, use it, and be grateful for it.
What might scare me most is the aftermath. Will he be spoiled by the influx of presents and decide he wants everything in every store? Will he think Christmas is going to come again and again, and start listing off a batch of new wants? I'm strong enough to not buy him everything in sight, but I also don't feel like dealing with meltdowns every time we go to a store. But maybe none of this will happen. Maybe he'll be happy with what he gets and won't need anything else until we start getting close to his birthday. As a side note, I must say that I appreciate having his birthday and Christmas exactly six months apart, because it always allows for a "Maybe you'll get it for your birthday," or "Maybe you can ask Santa" response when he asks for something, since one big day or another is less than six months away.
When I think back on Christmases as a kid, I was spoiled. Not in an obscene way, but I was treated very well. I had two grandmothers that liked to shop, and my mom was always great about getting good stuff and having plenty for us to open. We usually got a big gift from my parents every other year or so, and plenty of medium and small gifts. When my cousin Lori and I discuss those crazy Binkley Christmases where the grandkids got spoiled, we came to the conclusion that at the time we knew we were making out well, but aside from normal childhood greed--I think it's unavoidable, to some degree--I think we understood that we were very lucky kids. And I think that's what I want for Jacob--for him to feel spoiled, but to also know that he is. I think that there's a fine line with spoiling. It's one thing to be spoiled, not realize you're spoiled, and just assume that it's what you deserve, and another to be spoiled, know you're spoiled, and know you're a fortunate child to be spoiled. I don't want Jacob to have everything he wants, because that's just too easy. I want him to long for certain things, maybe even for years, so he appreciates them when he finally gets them. I want him to know that he's fortunate and that it's important to give back at the holidays to show that thankfulness. And most of all, I want him to feel that magic of Christmas, each and every year. As long as he has that, I suppose the life lessons can wait for another day...
Anyway on to today's main topic. I feel like this Christmas season has been a bit of a conundrum for me. We have this awesome little boy who is really starting to understand Christmas this year. I want to make sure it is magical and fun for him, and I'm sure that regardless of anything else that goes on, it will be. He has many years to refine his appreciation for the simpler points of the holiday, but I know that at this point it's pretty much all about the gifts. And between us, both sets of grandparents, and his aunts, uncles, and godmother, he will be well taken care of. Beyond well, I'm sure. But I worry. Why? Well, on one hand, for a kid Christmas is the one time of year where dreams come true. You get presents, you get to eat treats, AND you get time off from school to enjoy it all. But on the other hand, when you're dealing with an impressionable toddler, how much is too much? As a parent, where do you draw the line between making your kid feel the magic yet making sure they come back down to earth appropriately after it's all over?
For months Jacob has been making a mental Christmas list. On it is pretty much any piece of sporting equipment you can imagine...even if he's already got a few scattered among his toys. Skates, hockey gloves, helmet, pucks, sticks, balls, you name it. He also wants a hockey net and (thanks to a couple prompts from us--either purposeful or accidental) a new hockey rink for his "hockey guys". He's getting both of those last two items, and he's also getting a real hockey stick and probably a mini goalie stick (since he doesn't have one of those among his many sticks, and he likes being a goalie). We're also hoping to get hand-me-down skates sometime soon. At this point I know he's not doing it out of greed. He just knows he wants it and that's it. I know he'll be thrilled with all of what he gets, but I do still worry that when all is said and done, he'll be sitting there asking us where his hockey gloves and helmet are. I'm sure we'll blame a little of it on Santa ("Sorry, buddy, he must not have been able to fit it on the sleigh..."), but I don't want to do so much of it that we turn him against Santa. After all, Jacob strikes me as a kid who will remember come next year, and he'll probably bring his hockey stick when he goes to see Santa next December, ready to rough him up and make sure it doesn't happen again! All kidding aside, I'm left wondering if this is really the best time of year to make the point that we don't always get what we want. He'll certainly learn that as he gets older, but is now the time to start the tough lesson? I just don't know. We've definitely covered a lot of his bases, so I suppose I'm also a little worried that he'll start thinking that if he asks for something from Santa, he's going to get it. I'm not a big fan of that lesson, either.
The thing is, I know he's only two so I don't want to go all out. But I also don't want to feel like we're chintzing out and not taking advantage of the holiday enough to give him some great stuff. We've gotten him some good things already, but I'm constantly trying to think of other things we could get him. I feel like I haven't been all that creative, but then again, with a kid who just plays sports, sometimes it's tough to think of anything else. I mean, on one hand I don't want a bunch of toys sitting around that he won't use. If he spends 90% of his time playing sports, is it worth getting him anything else? But at the same time I want to use this opportunity to encourage him to do other things. I want him to get some cool new toys that will capture his imagination and potentially give him new things to do so sports doesn't need to be everything. All sports all the time is particularly tough this time of year, because he can't go outside to play and is limited to what he can do in our living room. Now would be the perfect time to divert his attention to some other things, if at all possible. He's getting a bunch of Duplo blocks (the big Legos), which I know he plays with at daycare. There had been some talk about getting him a little table and chairs set, and I think that might be fun for him, too, because he could sit and color or play with his Legos. But I'm sure there are other things he'd enjoy, too, if only I could figure out what. But he really doesn't need that much, because he's really not home that much. Between daycare, naps, meals and errands, his time is limited. Still, I want him to love what he gets, use it, and be grateful for it.
What might scare me most is the aftermath. Will he be spoiled by the influx of presents and decide he wants everything in every store? Will he think Christmas is going to come again and again, and start listing off a batch of new wants? I'm strong enough to not buy him everything in sight, but I also don't feel like dealing with meltdowns every time we go to a store. But maybe none of this will happen. Maybe he'll be happy with what he gets and won't need anything else until we start getting close to his birthday. As a side note, I must say that I appreciate having his birthday and Christmas exactly six months apart, because it always allows for a "Maybe you'll get it for your birthday," or "Maybe you can ask Santa" response when he asks for something, since one big day or another is less than six months away.
When I think back on Christmases as a kid, I was spoiled. Not in an obscene way, but I was treated very well. I had two grandmothers that liked to shop, and my mom was always great about getting good stuff and having plenty for us to open. We usually got a big gift from my parents every other year or so, and plenty of medium and small gifts. When my cousin Lori and I discuss those crazy Binkley Christmases where the grandkids got spoiled, we came to the conclusion that at the time we knew we were making out well, but aside from normal childhood greed--I think it's unavoidable, to some degree--I think we understood that we were very lucky kids. And I think that's what I want for Jacob--for him to feel spoiled, but to also know that he is. I think that there's a fine line with spoiling. It's one thing to be spoiled, not realize you're spoiled, and just assume that it's what you deserve, and another to be spoiled, know you're spoiled, and know you're a fortunate child to be spoiled. I don't want Jacob to have everything he wants, because that's just too easy. I want him to long for certain things, maybe even for years, so he appreciates them when he finally gets them. I want him to know that he's fortunate and that it's important to give back at the holidays to show that thankfulness. And most of all, I want him to feel that magic of Christmas, each and every year. As long as he has that, I suppose the life lessons can wait for another day...
Friday, December 3, 2010
Knock on wood...
Jacob has been ever so slightly better this week. I'm not sure if it's because I've developed better coping strategies, or because some random discomfort isn't bothering him anymore, or if the four day Thanksgiving weekend got him out of a rut, but I will take it. And, of course, writing this will probably come back to bite me--never fails--but for now, I do think it's been better. And I hope it stays that way. As I've mentioned before, I'm not looking for perfection. He's two and it's a tough age. But if we can avoid tantrums about everything, or at least confine them to "convenient" times, or deal with them in a civilized, routine way, then that's acceptable to me. I'd prefer to avoid public meltdowns, random punches, drama over putting on his coat, food thrown on the floor, and the constant use of "jello legs", but I know it's not entirely possible. It's just learning to minimize and manage them.
I've had fairly good luck with timeouts. No, Jacob doesn't like to sit there and I have to plop him back on every ten seconds or so at times, but after it's over and we chat about why he was there, usually he's much easier to deal with. He gets out of his spastic tantrum and moves on. Hence the point of timeouts, I suppose. The only problem is that they're tough to do in public. I also think a good night's sleep works wonders. I've been trying to put him down a little early lately in case I make it out of bed early enough to head into work early (I am trying to make up some extra time for our holiday flex time, so I can use less vacation over the holidays and take an extra day beforehand), but as long as he falls asleep and stays asleep (unlike last night where he was wide awake for two hours in the middle of the night), I think he'll benefit from a little extra. Some mornings when he's dead asleep when I come in to wake him, I feel bad and wonder how much more sleep he could really use, and how it might impact his day. But with our schedule, any earlier of a bedtime means almost no playtime after dinner. And really, I think good playtime helps as well. When he's engaged and gets some good attention, he's a lot of fun to be with. He'll generally stay out of trouble and play nicely. The hard part is finding the energy sometimes, but I have to keep telling myself it's worth it in the long run. Even just threats of timeouts or losing privileges seems to help a bit, at least to change his course for a bit. And yes, they have to be threats that I'm willing to go ahead with. That's not always easy, but as long as I'm consistent, I think he'll get the idea eventually.
He's gotten "Cooperative" checked on his daycare sheet most of the week, which is such a nice thing to see. Seeing negative notes every day for a week or two was getting really old and really frustrating. I don't know if all of the talking-tos that we've done with Jacob are finally setting in, or if this week's activities are just more stimulating for him or less conducive to boredom or misbehavior. I'm hopeful it's the former. Eventually he'll learn that the more he cooperates, the easier things go in general. No, maybe he won't get exactly what he wants right this second, but he'll probably avoid punishment and get something just as good later. And really, who wants to spend every waking moment battling other people?
In other news...Jacob is really getting big. He's probably still only 30 pounds and just under three feet tall (far cry from the less than seven pounds and 21 inches he was!), which only puts him in the 50th percentile, but I'm pretty sure he's moved into 3T clothes, at least on top. Bottoms are a different challenge since he's so skinny--he'll sometimes grow out of pants in length before they ever really fit him in the waist, so thank goodness for adjustable waist pants!--but tops are suddenly not fitting him. Jacob is definitely his father's son in that he's a skinny kid with long arms. The thing that's perplexing me, though, is that Jacob seems to have a really long torso. Neither Craig nor I do, so that's a bit of an oddball thing to me. So many of his shirts (even 2T ones, some of which are still big width-wise) are too short for him, both in the body and the arms. I feel bad sending him to daycare in shirts that are too small (ok, they're "fitted" right now, if nothing else), but it's going to take time (and Christmas) to rebuild a wardrobe that had been seemingly well-stocked with hand-me-downs. This morning I pulled out a bunch of 3T shirts I had put away for him, mostly cheap clearance buys from last winter. Some look a little big, but not all of them! They'll fill in the gaps when I put away the officially too small stuff, and then I'll have to see how he fares at Christmas. Beyond that I'll fill in the blanks (and restock the reserves) with after-Christmas clearance. I just can't believe how quickly he outgrew the 2Ts!
I couldn't help but laugh the other day when I picked up Jacob out of his crib infant-style, like I was about to rock him. He wouldn't come out of the fetal position and I needed to get him up, so that was the only way to get him. But when I did it, it really hit home how big he is. I think he's nearly a full pair of legs longer than he was when he was born! It's amazing to look at the walking, talking little boy he is these days. It's a far cry from the less than seven-pound, 21 inch long infant we brought home!
I've had a couple friends have babies in the last week, talked to an instructor at the gym who found out she's having a girl (after a boy a couple months older than Jacob), and read a blog from a pregnant blogger who's due any day, and it's all gotten me thinking a bit about potential baby #2. Specifically, I've been wondering if I will bond more with baby #2 in utero than I did with baby #1. I think I will. For one, we'll find out the gender of baby #2, so halfway through the pregnancy we'll have an image in our heads and maybe even be able to call it by name. We'll start picturing our future--whether we'll be breaking up wrestling matches in the living room, or saving a tea party from a foul ball. Last time around everything was such an unknown that my brain couldn't even go there. All I could focus on was the present. And I think having gone through this process, we'll have a much longer term view. We'll be able to better comprehend that the tiny little baby will someday turn into an active toddler. I think there were times that we forgot that with Jacob--that we were so caught up in taking care of a baby that it barely occurred to us that times would change and he would turn into a little boy with a big personality. I mean, obviously we knew it was coming, but we couldn't even fathom what it meant at that point. Next time around I hope we can keep that in mind, so even on our worst days we remember that everything is just temporary. If we can make it through the tough stuff, we'll be rewarded in the end with an awesome kid.
Of course, the problems never really get better...just different and more complex. But one of the mysteries of parenthood is how fast time goes, and inherent in that is that things will change. Children will grow, they'll go through phases, and before you know it, you're on to the next step. Nothing ever lasts too long, including your child's childhood! I'm just trying to remind myself to appreciate these moments, because they're both fleeting and special. Our time will never be quite the same again, for better or for worse. Things are always changing, but at least that means there's never a dull moment.
I've had fairly good luck with timeouts. No, Jacob doesn't like to sit there and I have to plop him back on every ten seconds or so at times, but after it's over and we chat about why he was there, usually he's much easier to deal with. He gets out of his spastic tantrum and moves on. Hence the point of timeouts, I suppose. The only problem is that they're tough to do in public. I also think a good night's sleep works wonders. I've been trying to put him down a little early lately in case I make it out of bed early enough to head into work early (I am trying to make up some extra time for our holiday flex time, so I can use less vacation over the holidays and take an extra day beforehand), but as long as he falls asleep and stays asleep (unlike last night where he was wide awake for two hours in the middle of the night), I think he'll benefit from a little extra. Some mornings when he's dead asleep when I come in to wake him, I feel bad and wonder how much more sleep he could really use, and how it might impact his day. But with our schedule, any earlier of a bedtime means almost no playtime after dinner. And really, I think good playtime helps as well. When he's engaged and gets some good attention, he's a lot of fun to be with. He'll generally stay out of trouble and play nicely. The hard part is finding the energy sometimes, but I have to keep telling myself it's worth it in the long run. Even just threats of timeouts or losing privileges seems to help a bit, at least to change his course for a bit. And yes, they have to be threats that I'm willing to go ahead with. That's not always easy, but as long as I'm consistent, I think he'll get the idea eventually.
He's gotten "Cooperative" checked on his daycare sheet most of the week, which is such a nice thing to see. Seeing negative notes every day for a week or two was getting really old and really frustrating. I don't know if all of the talking-tos that we've done with Jacob are finally setting in, or if this week's activities are just more stimulating for him or less conducive to boredom or misbehavior. I'm hopeful it's the former. Eventually he'll learn that the more he cooperates, the easier things go in general. No, maybe he won't get exactly what he wants right this second, but he'll probably avoid punishment and get something just as good later. And really, who wants to spend every waking moment battling other people?
In other news...Jacob is really getting big. He's probably still only 30 pounds and just under three feet tall (far cry from the less than seven pounds and 21 inches he was!), which only puts him in the 50th percentile, but I'm pretty sure he's moved into 3T clothes, at least on top. Bottoms are a different challenge since he's so skinny--he'll sometimes grow out of pants in length before they ever really fit him in the waist, so thank goodness for adjustable waist pants!--but tops are suddenly not fitting him. Jacob is definitely his father's son in that he's a skinny kid with long arms. The thing that's perplexing me, though, is that Jacob seems to have a really long torso. Neither Craig nor I do, so that's a bit of an oddball thing to me. So many of his shirts (even 2T ones, some of which are still big width-wise) are too short for him, both in the body and the arms. I feel bad sending him to daycare in shirts that are too small (ok, they're "fitted" right now, if nothing else), but it's going to take time (and Christmas) to rebuild a wardrobe that had been seemingly well-stocked with hand-me-downs. This morning I pulled out a bunch of 3T shirts I had put away for him, mostly cheap clearance buys from last winter. Some look a little big, but not all of them! They'll fill in the gaps when I put away the officially too small stuff, and then I'll have to see how he fares at Christmas. Beyond that I'll fill in the blanks (and restock the reserves) with after-Christmas clearance. I just can't believe how quickly he outgrew the 2Ts!
I couldn't help but laugh the other day when I picked up Jacob out of his crib infant-style, like I was about to rock him. He wouldn't come out of the fetal position and I needed to get him up, so that was the only way to get him. But when I did it, it really hit home how big he is. I think he's nearly a full pair of legs longer than he was when he was born! It's amazing to look at the walking, talking little boy he is these days. It's a far cry from the less than seven-pound, 21 inch long infant we brought home!
I've had a couple friends have babies in the last week, talked to an instructor at the gym who found out she's having a girl (after a boy a couple months older than Jacob), and read a blog from a pregnant blogger who's due any day, and it's all gotten me thinking a bit about potential baby #2. Specifically, I've been wondering if I will bond more with baby #2 in utero than I did with baby #1. I think I will. For one, we'll find out the gender of baby #2, so halfway through the pregnancy we'll have an image in our heads and maybe even be able to call it by name. We'll start picturing our future--whether we'll be breaking up wrestling matches in the living room, or saving a tea party from a foul ball. Last time around everything was such an unknown that my brain couldn't even go there. All I could focus on was the present. And I think having gone through this process, we'll have a much longer term view. We'll be able to better comprehend that the tiny little baby will someday turn into an active toddler. I think there were times that we forgot that with Jacob--that we were so caught up in taking care of a baby that it barely occurred to us that times would change and he would turn into a little boy with a big personality. I mean, obviously we knew it was coming, but we couldn't even fathom what it meant at that point. Next time around I hope we can keep that in mind, so even on our worst days we remember that everything is just temporary. If we can make it through the tough stuff, we'll be rewarded in the end with an awesome kid.
Of course, the problems never really get better...just different and more complex. But one of the mysteries of parenthood is how fast time goes, and inherent in that is that things will change. Children will grow, they'll go through phases, and before you know it, you're on to the next step. Nothing ever lasts too long, including your child's childhood! I'm just trying to remind myself to appreciate these moments, because they're both fleeting and special. Our time will never be quite the same again, for better or for worse. Things are always changing, but at least that means there's never a dull moment.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Preparing for the Holidays
Being a mom around the holidays is challenging. It takes a lot more planning than it did in my single days or married without kids days. Granted, back in those days I worked more (and on weekends!) so it was still a challenge, but parenthood means less control over everything and more that I'd like to have control over. You have the responsibility of making sure your kid gets a great holiday experience--presents, attendance at their events, exposing them to Christmas traditions--while also making sure that social obligations are taken care of, gifts are bought and wrapped, and child care is secured for any non-kid holiday events or crazy shopping trips.
These first few days of the Christmas season have been a bit odd for me. I was very excited about decorating the house and pulling out the Christmas music, both of which I have certainly enjoyed. Jacob has been learning Jingle Bells at daycare for their Christmas program, and I've enjoyed helping him practice at home. He's learned a bit about Frosty the Snowman and is taking interest in the manger scene and the tree, and he loves Christmas lights on houses. Incidentally, we had a casualty last night--I went out to get the mail and came back to Jacob holding a tiny little hockey net that he'd pulled off of an ornament. Luckily it wasn't one of my really good Hallmark ornaments, and I was able to superglue it back on, but he certainly got a stern talking-to (again) about not touching the tree.
The weather has put a bit of a damper on my holiday spirit, though, as moderate temperatures, lots of rain, and brown-green grass everywhere doesn't really scream "Christmas" to me. We've actually been a little short on snow in December the past couple years, and it is a bit of a bummer since this is the one time of year that I enjoy snow. A little white stuff makes everything just seem a little more picture perfect. And I'm actually hoping the weather forecast holds out and we get a little snow next week. As long as we get enough to cover the grass and it's cold enough to stay there for a while, that's enough. While I do enjoy a little snow on Christmas Eve and Christmas to enhance the mood, in reality we have far too much traveling to do and snow just complicates that. But as long as the ground is white and the roads are clear, that's perfect.
In general, I've been waiting for some big intro to the Christmas season, and it just hasn't come. Other than the decorations around the house and the influx of emails in my inbox, I'm not sure I'd even notice it was Christmas season at this point. And it IS only November still--for another few hours, anyway--so I'm not sure what I'm expecting. Maybe it's because I haven't done any real shopping (wandering the mall without a purpose for an hour on Saturday doesn't really count), or maybe it's because I haven't pulled out the Charlie Brown Christmas specials. Maybe it's because we haven't made any holiday-ish plans, or any that we know of seem so far away that I don't even want to tempt myself thinking about them.
I will say that the whole holiday shopping thing is bugging me a bit. I feel like I'm missing out on great deals by not going out on Black Friday or scouring the Cyber Monday ads to get stuff. But quite frankly I'm lacking inspiration on what to buy people this year, and all of the stuff I'm seeing in ads just seems to fall into a few categories--cheesy, expensive, unnecessary, or just plain crap. I usually do start out the season feeling uninspired, and slowly come up with ideas for gifts, but by then we're short on time, things get sold out, or we can't find what we're looking for. I'd love to get all of my shopping done now, before I get busy with Christmas parties and activities, baking, Christmas cards, and whatever else. I know it gets busy and the Christmas season flies by, and I hate that end-of-the-season crunch. It sucks the spirit right out of you. So I'd much rather get that stuff done early and enjoy the end of the season more, but it's just not happening. I tend to panic the closer we get, as I know that each shopping trip is that much more important. That if I don't find something this time, my future opportunities are limited. I wonder if I'm getting a good price and think I should go home and research more, but then it means another trip out to buy it later. Opportunities tend to be so limited as it is that it's a tough call. Do I take Jacob along and risk a meltdown? Do I head out alone when Craig is watching him, or worse, late at night after Jacob's in bed? It's certainly quicker in general without Jacob, but I HATE being out all night and coming home just in time to go to bed. Usually it's already late and then my sleep suffers, and then I'm tired the next day and not wanting to do anything in the evening, and on and on and on. I end up getting anxious about my time management and getting everything done by the end with even a little time to spare to enjoy things. There's nothing worse than getting gifts in the last-minute rush, then coming home and wrapping them, only to have all of five minutes to put them under the tree and take a picture before packing them all up to put in the car. But welcome to my life for the past few years!
Each year I swear I'll plan better, utilize my evenings better, and get really creative with gifts, crafts, and baking. And it mostly never happens. I get tired, I get busy, and shopping trips and big ideas never go as planned. I did do the gingerbread ornaments last year, and I may do them again this year, so I guess there is a shred of craftiness in there somewhere. I'd like to do real cutouts this year (yay, I have a stand mixer to help with that now!), and I'd really like to have more presents bought and wrapped earlier than ever. The last minute gifts we usually run out and get less than a week before Christmas? I really want to do those NOW. However, Craig has a lot of busy weekends this month, so it's going to be a challenge. We have all of two Saturdays and a Sunday to make it happen, and only weekday evenings beyond that. Yikes. As a parent you have to plan much more than ever before, so you'd think I'd have carried that over to Christmas, but not so much. I try, though. I just fail. I try not to be beat myself up about it, though. After all, I'm still pretty new at this and the responsibilities change a bit each year. I know I need to keep learning, and I'll have nearly mastered it just in time for my kids to no longer care :) Just kidding. But I do think it will take a long time to get comfortable with it all. My mom has always seemed to be a master--nice gifts, individually wrapped stocking stuffers, cookies, advent calendars, etc.--and it's a lot to live up to! Or at least, let's just say I'm used to the best. I want to give that to Jacob as well. I'm definitely using these years where he doesn't know any differently as my practice runs. Hopefully one day he'll appreciate it as well.
I'm still looking forward to this Christmas season, but with a list as long as Santa's, it'll be a challenge!
These first few days of the Christmas season have been a bit odd for me. I was very excited about decorating the house and pulling out the Christmas music, both of which I have certainly enjoyed. Jacob has been learning Jingle Bells at daycare for their Christmas program, and I've enjoyed helping him practice at home. He's learned a bit about Frosty the Snowman and is taking interest in the manger scene and the tree, and he loves Christmas lights on houses. Incidentally, we had a casualty last night--I went out to get the mail and came back to Jacob holding a tiny little hockey net that he'd pulled off of an ornament. Luckily it wasn't one of my really good Hallmark ornaments, and I was able to superglue it back on, but he certainly got a stern talking-to (again) about not touching the tree.
The weather has put a bit of a damper on my holiday spirit, though, as moderate temperatures, lots of rain, and brown-green grass everywhere doesn't really scream "Christmas" to me. We've actually been a little short on snow in December the past couple years, and it is a bit of a bummer since this is the one time of year that I enjoy snow. A little white stuff makes everything just seem a little more picture perfect. And I'm actually hoping the weather forecast holds out and we get a little snow next week. As long as we get enough to cover the grass and it's cold enough to stay there for a while, that's enough. While I do enjoy a little snow on Christmas Eve and Christmas to enhance the mood, in reality we have far too much traveling to do and snow just complicates that. But as long as the ground is white and the roads are clear, that's perfect.
In general, I've been waiting for some big intro to the Christmas season, and it just hasn't come. Other than the decorations around the house and the influx of emails in my inbox, I'm not sure I'd even notice it was Christmas season at this point. And it IS only November still--for another few hours, anyway--so I'm not sure what I'm expecting. Maybe it's because I haven't done any real shopping (wandering the mall without a purpose for an hour on Saturday doesn't really count), or maybe it's because I haven't pulled out the Charlie Brown Christmas specials. Maybe it's because we haven't made any holiday-ish plans, or any that we know of seem so far away that I don't even want to tempt myself thinking about them.
I will say that the whole holiday shopping thing is bugging me a bit. I feel like I'm missing out on great deals by not going out on Black Friday or scouring the Cyber Monday ads to get stuff. But quite frankly I'm lacking inspiration on what to buy people this year, and all of the stuff I'm seeing in ads just seems to fall into a few categories--cheesy, expensive, unnecessary, or just plain crap. I usually do start out the season feeling uninspired, and slowly come up with ideas for gifts, but by then we're short on time, things get sold out, or we can't find what we're looking for. I'd love to get all of my shopping done now, before I get busy with Christmas parties and activities, baking, Christmas cards, and whatever else. I know it gets busy and the Christmas season flies by, and I hate that end-of-the-season crunch. It sucks the spirit right out of you. So I'd much rather get that stuff done early and enjoy the end of the season more, but it's just not happening. I tend to panic the closer we get, as I know that each shopping trip is that much more important. That if I don't find something this time, my future opportunities are limited. I wonder if I'm getting a good price and think I should go home and research more, but then it means another trip out to buy it later. Opportunities tend to be so limited as it is that it's a tough call. Do I take Jacob along and risk a meltdown? Do I head out alone when Craig is watching him, or worse, late at night after Jacob's in bed? It's certainly quicker in general without Jacob, but I HATE being out all night and coming home just in time to go to bed. Usually it's already late and then my sleep suffers, and then I'm tired the next day and not wanting to do anything in the evening, and on and on and on. I end up getting anxious about my time management and getting everything done by the end with even a little time to spare to enjoy things. There's nothing worse than getting gifts in the last-minute rush, then coming home and wrapping them, only to have all of five minutes to put them under the tree and take a picture before packing them all up to put in the car. But welcome to my life for the past few years!
Each year I swear I'll plan better, utilize my evenings better, and get really creative with gifts, crafts, and baking. And it mostly never happens. I get tired, I get busy, and shopping trips and big ideas never go as planned. I did do the gingerbread ornaments last year, and I may do them again this year, so I guess there is a shred of craftiness in there somewhere. I'd like to do real cutouts this year (yay, I have a stand mixer to help with that now!), and I'd really like to have more presents bought and wrapped earlier than ever. The last minute gifts we usually run out and get less than a week before Christmas? I really want to do those NOW. However, Craig has a lot of busy weekends this month, so it's going to be a challenge. We have all of two Saturdays and a Sunday to make it happen, and only weekday evenings beyond that. Yikes. As a parent you have to plan much more than ever before, so you'd think I'd have carried that over to Christmas, but not so much. I try, though. I just fail. I try not to be beat myself up about it, though. After all, I'm still pretty new at this and the responsibilities change a bit each year. I know I need to keep learning, and I'll have nearly mastered it just in time for my kids to no longer care :) Just kidding. But I do think it will take a long time to get comfortable with it all. My mom has always seemed to be a master--nice gifts, individually wrapped stocking stuffers, cookies, advent calendars, etc.--and it's a lot to live up to! Or at least, let's just say I'm used to the best. I want to give that to Jacob as well. I'm definitely using these years where he doesn't know any differently as my practice runs. Hopefully one day he'll appreciate it as well.
I'm still looking forward to this Christmas season, but with a list as long as Santa's, it'll be a challenge!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thanksgiving Weekend
No matter how long a break you take from work, it seems it's never easy to go back. If it's too short, it's not enough of a break, and if it's too long, you get so comfortable in non-work life that you just don't want to go back. There may be a middle ground in there somewhere, but I haven't found it yet. I was actually surprised at how easy this morning's daycare drop-off was. Jacob barely looked back. Maybe he missed it. Hopefully he proves that by being a delightful child today. Oh, how I wish.
Our weekend as a whole was pretty good, even though Craig worked for a good portion of it. We left for Buffalo on Wednesday night, and Thursday was busy and full of food, as expected. We did church and lunch with my parents (joined by my grandma for the meal), and an early dinner and evening with Craig's family. We stayed overnight there and came back Friday morning, just in time to avoid the lake effect snow heading into the area. Jacob seemed to enjoy his day. He was manageable at church and didn't eat much at my parents', but it was about naptime so I think that was part of the problem. During his nap we hopped on the webcam with my brother and his family, and that got me even more excited for all of us being together at Christmas. Jacob didn't eat much better with Craig's family, but he did have a great time playing with his cousins. Here's a shot of Jacob getting a piggy back ride from big cousin Maddy :)
After two big meals, iffy sleep and some travel, I was beat and ended up staying upstairs in bed after putting Jacob down. At first it was just to keep him calm, but eventually I just didn't want to get up either! Here's a quick shot--the only other picture of the weekend--from bedtime. Jacob found these glasses among the toys in the room we stay in, and he thought they were funny. I can't help but agree.
Once we got home on Friday, I started working on Christmas decorations. I put away all of the Thanksgiving/fall stuff, then gave the crawl space its first real test as far as hauling out bin after bin of stuff. And happily, it wasn't too bad. I don't miss the eternal walk up our old basement steps (only seven in this house) or the close quarters of our old storage room (yes, the crawl space is short, but it's roomy otherwise). It was a pretty quick process of getting the stuff out, but a much longer process of placing it. Five bins and a Christmas tree makes for a lot of stuff. The tree went up quickly, but didn't get decorated until yesterday. But in the free time I had, I managed to get 99% of the decorations up over the course of the weekend. Just a couple more things I'm pondering at this point. In between decorating, I tried to be productive. I played with Jacob, read days' worth of newspapers, and tried to make the house look presentable amidst all of the stuff. I could have used another day or so, but it's not bad.
Jacob was hot and cold all weekend. When he was good, he was great. When he was bad, he was very difficult. Even still, I appreciated the opportunity to have such a lengthy period of time to spend with him so I could try to understand him. We definitely had some difficult moments and a few timeouts, but all things considered, I was sadder to leave him at daycare this morning than I sometimes am after a rough weekend. And since I had four days of time to get totally annoyed with him and it didn't happen, I felt like it was progress. Of course, I swear he came thisclose to breaking my nose twice yesterday. He was battling me at one point during church (he was so good for the first half or so, then freaked out because he wanted a certain pen, and then because he wanted other paper besides the five different pieces from the bulletin, and then because he wanted (as usual) to play baseball and run around the room), and at one point he moved in a way where his head suddenly went across my nose. I swear I thought it was broken and I was waiting for the blood to gush. It hurt. And of course, it hurt Jacob's head, too, but try getting him to understand that both of our pain was caused by him fighting me. Then we were playing in the evening, having a good time. He took our fun a little too far, though, and suddenly it happened again. Ouch. Needless to say my nose hurts today. I don't think there's any visible damage--maybe a small mark, maybe a tiny bit of swelling--but doing anything to my nose today hurts. As a whole, meals were a little iffy and Jacob is still "Mr. No" about almost everything. He refused to pick up a mess he made on Friday, and as a result, we missed another Amerks game. We haven't been to one in weeks, partly because he's misbehaved beforehand and partly because his general behavior makes me not want to expose him to any more "nasty hockey guys" who he so enjoys emulating. He'd been good enough on Thursday and Friday up until that point to give him a chance, and then it all fell apart.
Still, we did have a good weekend. Jacob is starting to notice the Christmas decorations a bit more. He noticed a bunch of hockey ornaments on the tree, and he LOVES the various Hallmark plush music-makers that we've gotten as gifts over the years. We have a snowman that plays a piano, a plush Snoopy's doghouse, a plush Snoopy playing the piano, and a stuffed Snoopy, all of which play music and have flashing lights. Jacob plays them on repeat, sometimes two at a time. He played with two of them throughout my entire shower on Saturday morning. Nice that I knew right where he was :) It's a bit of a challenge corraling his sports enough to protect breakables and explaining to him that he can't touch the tree, but he's been pretty good so far. And I must say, decorating the house was pretty neat. While it didn't flow quite as nicely as the routine in our old house, where I knew where things went from year to year, I am very happy with the end result. The placement of the tree is perfect, and made for interesting decorating since I had to decorate it with a bit of a 360-degree view. I made use of the stairs and the landing to hang ornaments all over the tree, and it's neat to enjoy the tree from so many different angles. And I finally have a railing to put lighted garland on, so that's cool. A few years back I bought a lighted wreath and added my own touches to it. I wanted something to add drama to the red wall in our living room, and it was really pretty. I was concerned about where I would hang it this year since it's heavy and I'd have to use a certain hook (and probably leave it there all year). Fortunately, I had a brilliant idea to hang it on the railing! Below are a couple views of the finished product. The second picture was only taken in a landscape orientation to avoid Jacob's toys, but one of these days I will move them out of the view and take a picture that captures the essence of what sold us on the house the second we walked in. But still, other than not seeing the cathedral ceiling in that picture, it gives you the idea. It's fun to have a mantel, too!
Our weekend as a whole was pretty good, even though Craig worked for a good portion of it. We left for Buffalo on Wednesday night, and Thursday was busy and full of food, as expected. We did church and lunch with my parents (joined by my grandma for the meal), and an early dinner and evening with Craig's family. We stayed overnight there and came back Friday morning, just in time to avoid the lake effect snow heading into the area. Jacob seemed to enjoy his day. He was manageable at church and didn't eat much at my parents', but it was about naptime so I think that was part of the problem. During his nap we hopped on the webcam with my brother and his family, and that got me even more excited for all of us being together at Christmas. Jacob didn't eat much better with Craig's family, but he did have a great time playing with his cousins. Here's a shot of Jacob getting a piggy back ride from big cousin Maddy :)
After two big meals, iffy sleep and some travel, I was beat and ended up staying upstairs in bed after putting Jacob down. At first it was just to keep him calm, but eventually I just didn't want to get up either! Here's a quick shot--the only other picture of the weekend--from bedtime. Jacob found these glasses among the toys in the room we stay in, and he thought they were funny. I can't help but agree.Once we got home on Friday, I started working on Christmas decorations. I put away all of the Thanksgiving/fall stuff, then gave the crawl space its first real test as far as hauling out bin after bin of stuff. And happily, it wasn't too bad. I don't miss the eternal walk up our old basement steps (only seven in this house) or the close quarters of our old storage room (yes, the crawl space is short, but it's roomy otherwise). It was a pretty quick process of getting the stuff out, but a much longer process of placing it. Five bins and a Christmas tree makes for a lot of stuff. The tree went up quickly, but didn't get decorated until yesterday. But in the free time I had, I managed to get 99% of the decorations up over the course of the weekend. Just a couple more things I'm pondering at this point. In between decorating, I tried to be productive. I played with Jacob, read days' worth of newspapers, and tried to make the house look presentable amidst all of the stuff. I could have used another day or so, but it's not bad.
Jacob was hot and cold all weekend. When he was good, he was great. When he was bad, he was very difficult. Even still, I appreciated the opportunity to have such a lengthy period of time to spend with him so I could try to understand him. We definitely had some difficult moments and a few timeouts, but all things considered, I was sadder to leave him at daycare this morning than I sometimes am after a rough weekend. And since I had four days of time to get totally annoyed with him and it didn't happen, I felt like it was progress. Of course, I swear he came thisclose to breaking my nose twice yesterday. He was battling me at one point during church (he was so good for the first half or so, then freaked out because he wanted a certain pen, and then because he wanted other paper besides the five different pieces from the bulletin, and then because he wanted (as usual) to play baseball and run around the room), and at one point he moved in a way where his head suddenly went across my nose. I swear I thought it was broken and I was waiting for the blood to gush. It hurt. And of course, it hurt Jacob's head, too, but try getting him to understand that both of our pain was caused by him fighting me. Then we were playing in the evening, having a good time. He took our fun a little too far, though, and suddenly it happened again. Ouch. Needless to say my nose hurts today. I don't think there's any visible damage--maybe a small mark, maybe a tiny bit of swelling--but doing anything to my nose today hurts. As a whole, meals were a little iffy and Jacob is still "Mr. No" about almost everything. He refused to pick up a mess he made on Friday, and as a result, we missed another Amerks game. We haven't been to one in weeks, partly because he's misbehaved beforehand and partly because his general behavior makes me not want to expose him to any more "nasty hockey guys" who he so enjoys emulating. He'd been good enough on Thursday and Friday up until that point to give him a chance, and then it all fell apart.
Still, we did have a good weekend. Jacob is starting to notice the Christmas decorations a bit more. He noticed a bunch of hockey ornaments on the tree, and he LOVES the various Hallmark plush music-makers that we've gotten as gifts over the years. We have a snowman that plays a piano, a plush Snoopy's doghouse, a plush Snoopy playing the piano, and a stuffed Snoopy, all of which play music and have flashing lights. Jacob plays them on repeat, sometimes two at a time. He played with two of them throughout my entire shower on Saturday morning. Nice that I knew right where he was :) It's a bit of a challenge corraling his sports enough to protect breakables and explaining to him that he can't touch the tree, but he's been pretty good so far. And I must say, decorating the house was pretty neat. While it didn't flow quite as nicely as the routine in our old house, where I knew where things went from year to year, I am very happy with the end result. The placement of the tree is perfect, and made for interesting decorating since I had to decorate it with a bit of a 360-degree view. I made use of the stairs and the landing to hang ornaments all over the tree, and it's neat to enjoy the tree from so many different angles. And I finally have a railing to put lighted garland on, so that's cool. A few years back I bought a lighted wreath and added my own touches to it. I wanted something to add drama to the red wall in our living room, and it was really pretty. I was concerned about where I would hang it this year since it's heavy and I'd have to use a certain hook (and probably leave it there all year). Fortunately, I had a brilliant idea to hang it on the railing! Below are a couple views of the finished product. The second picture was only taken in a landscape orientation to avoid Jacob's toys, but one of these days I will move them out of the view and take a picture that captures the essence of what sold us on the house the second we walked in. But still, other than not seeing the cathedral ceiling in that picture, it gives you the idea. It's fun to have a mantel, too!
I still wish we could do a Christmas morning in our house with kids bounding down the stairs, but considering how important family is, I can't complain about our current setup spending it in Buffalo with family all around. We'll just have to get creative and get some new traditions set up to enjoy our wonderful picture-perfect Christmas house. Oh, and might I mention it was nice to put out decorations, no matter how tacky, after a year of censoring our decor for house showings? Fantastic. Yes, there is kitsch, but it's fun :)
It's not easy to recover from a holiday weekend, despite the break from work, and now that we're heading into the holidays the pressure is on. Hopefully I'll blog more about that later...but in the meantime, I hope everyone had a great holiday!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thankfulness
I know I've been complaining/venting a lot lately. Jacob's behavior issues have certainly been at the forefront these days, consuming my thoughts a good portion of the time. I don't know why he's being so difficult, what might be causing it or where we may have gone wrong, and I'll admit it's making me a little crazy. It's like when your child is sick--you just want to take away their pain and fix everything. And until you do, you feel a little helpless. You keep pondering what might help and do everything you can in the meantime to make things better. But oh, if only Tylenol could fix this one...
However, despite my frustrations, I know that we are still incredibly blessed. Maybe that's frustrating me even more--that everything else is so good, but this one big issue is dragging the rest down. And I do know that our situation could be so much worse, in about a million different ways. We could have a sick child, no home, or be unemployed. We have none of those issues, so regardless of everything else, we are blessed. Here's what I'm thankful for:
1) Two meals - While having two meals just hours apart on Thanksgiving isn't the easiest thing to stomach (literally), it is really a special thing. Not only is the food fantastic at both meals, but having two means that we have two sets of family members who we get to spend time with. Some people won't even have one meal on Thanksgiving, and we have the opportunity to stuff ourselves silly at two. And we're certainly lucky to have two families within a reasonable distance of our home and each other so we can spend time with both of them in the same day. We don't have to travel far, nor do we have to choose one over the other each year. Every year we have with our families is a blessing, particularly as everyone gets older. I think of all of the holidays past with family members who are no longer with us, and I know that I should savor each and every holiday while everything is as it is. It's special.
2) A healthy child - Yes, Jacob's behavior is driving us nuts and may be indicative of bigger problems. Yes, he has a cold right now that will probably usher in his perma-cough that shows up all winter, every winter. But he's alive and well, running around and talking up a storm. He's smart, he's passionate, and when he's not being a crazy child he can be really sweet and fun. And he's a good sleeper, which does a world of good for my outlook on life each day. When I'm tired, the whole world is a few shades darker. Overall, we're just blessed to have him. There are so many people out there who can't have children or who have lost children. They'd probably give up important body parts to be in our position right now.
3) A beautiful house - We went through so much craziness in the last year, deciding out of nowhere to sell our house and trying like crazy to find a good one. And we did, on both counts. I never thought I'd survive the selling process or the moving process, but somehow I did. We had great family that came out to help with the move, and all of it got done (with the help of movers as well) in a matter of hours. Well, the settling in process took considerably longer, but eight months later we're happily settled in our home. As I've mentioned before, there are so many things about our house that make it absolutely perfect for us. A fall without leaf raking and a front porch conducive to trick or treaters are just two of the newest discoveries. And the mere fact that (knock on wood) we don't have any pressing repairs or improvements is such a massive load off our minds. We have a lovely home that we can enjoy for years to come, and we won't have to worry about cramming another baby in when the time comes...there's plenty of space now.
4) An extra year to enjoy our lives as we know them - Yes, in my grand plan I wanted to be pregnant right now. I wanted to be well on our way to having two kids three years apart. Well, that's not how things have worked out. I'll admit it's been a little hard to watch people who had kids around the same time that we did move on to another baby. I can think of four off the top of my head, actually, and part of me really wishes that I was one of them. However, it's just not a smart move financially right now, and we're hoping that by this time next year we'll be in a better spot. We do have reason to hope, but that may still be a long way off. It's looking to be a smart move as well because of Jacob's current issues. The stress alone would be bad for a growing fetus, let alone the physical struggles of dealing with Jacob right now. We can use this year to hopefully get him figured out a bit, and enjoy our last bit of time where he's the sole center of attention. Maybe we'll even have the time and money to take a fun trip somewhere cool. Or maybe Craig and I will have a chance to get away alone for a bit while there's just one child to ship off to the grandparents. There are plenty of things to fill the year, including getting Jacob potty trained and adjusted to a big boy bed, and to start getting our spare bedroom ready for him to move in someday. The time really isn't a bad thing.
5) Two jobs - With so many people losing their jobs around us, it's nice that both of us have managed to keep ours. While we'd both like to be making more, and while I still have my dream of working part time, at least for now we're both employed and bringing in enough money to live comfortably. And I'm extra thankful that there's a true prospect for improving things...in the short term and long term. More on that later, if anything comes of it. And while we both have our share of difficulties with our jobs (who doesn't?), we both have a lot of things that we like about them. Craig is fulfilling his dream of working in sports, and I have a job that has turned me into a Microsoft Excel nerd :) And it pays me better and demands far less hours than my previous job, which did have the benefit of fulfilling my dream of working in sports. I also got a husband out of the deal, so that wasn't bad, either ;-)
6) We're still happily married - We probably don't get to hang out or talk to each other as much as we'd like, since by the time evening hits and Jacob's in bed we're both too spent to do much more than watch TV, but when we do have the time to hang out, we still enjoy each other's company. And despite the stresses of work, parenthood, and home ownership, we're still happily together. And that means that much more this week, after hearing about marital infidelity by a friend of ours. It was disappointing and pretty shocking, and makes me that much more grateful that we've made it this far without feeling the need to resort to stupid, selfish behavior like that.
However, despite my frustrations, I know that we are still incredibly blessed. Maybe that's frustrating me even more--that everything else is so good, but this one big issue is dragging the rest down. And I do know that our situation could be so much worse, in about a million different ways. We could have a sick child, no home, or be unemployed. We have none of those issues, so regardless of everything else, we are blessed. Here's what I'm thankful for:
1) Two meals - While having two meals just hours apart on Thanksgiving isn't the easiest thing to stomach (literally), it is really a special thing. Not only is the food fantastic at both meals, but having two means that we have two sets of family members who we get to spend time with. Some people won't even have one meal on Thanksgiving, and we have the opportunity to stuff ourselves silly at two. And we're certainly lucky to have two families within a reasonable distance of our home and each other so we can spend time with both of them in the same day. We don't have to travel far, nor do we have to choose one over the other each year. Every year we have with our families is a blessing, particularly as everyone gets older. I think of all of the holidays past with family members who are no longer with us, and I know that I should savor each and every holiday while everything is as it is. It's special.
2) A healthy child - Yes, Jacob's behavior is driving us nuts and may be indicative of bigger problems. Yes, he has a cold right now that will probably usher in his perma-cough that shows up all winter, every winter. But he's alive and well, running around and talking up a storm. He's smart, he's passionate, and when he's not being a crazy child he can be really sweet and fun. And he's a good sleeper, which does a world of good for my outlook on life each day. When I'm tired, the whole world is a few shades darker. Overall, we're just blessed to have him. There are so many people out there who can't have children or who have lost children. They'd probably give up important body parts to be in our position right now.
3) A beautiful house - We went through so much craziness in the last year, deciding out of nowhere to sell our house and trying like crazy to find a good one. And we did, on both counts. I never thought I'd survive the selling process or the moving process, but somehow I did. We had great family that came out to help with the move, and all of it got done (with the help of movers as well) in a matter of hours. Well, the settling in process took considerably longer, but eight months later we're happily settled in our home. As I've mentioned before, there are so many things about our house that make it absolutely perfect for us. A fall without leaf raking and a front porch conducive to trick or treaters are just two of the newest discoveries. And the mere fact that (knock on wood) we don't have any pressing repairs or improvements is such a massive load off our minds. We have a lovely home that we can enjoy for years to come, and we won't have to worry about cramming another baby in when the time comes...there's plenty of space now.
4) An extra year to enjoy our lives as we know them - Yes, in my grand plan I wanted to be pregnant right now. I wanted to be well on our way to having two kids three years apart. Well, that's not how things have worked out. I'll admit it's been a little hard to watch people who had kids around the same time that we did move on to another baby. I can think of four off the top of my head, actually, and part of me really wishes that I was one of them. However, it's just not a smart move financially right now, and we're hoping that by this time next year we'll be in a better spot. We do have reason to hope, but that may still be a long way off. It's looking to be a smart move as well because of Jacob's current issues. The stress alone would be bad for a growing fetus, let alone the physical struggles of dealing with Jacob right now. We can use this year to hopefully get him figured out a bit, and enjoy our last bit of time where he's the sole center of attention. Maybe we'll even have the time and money to take a fun trip somewhere cool. Or maybe Craig and I will have a chance to get away alone for a bit while there's just one child to ship off to the grandparents. There are plenty of things to fill the year, including getting Jacob potty trained and adjusted to a big boy bed, and to start getting our spare bedroom ready for him to move in someday. The time really isn't a bad thing.
5) Two jobs - With so many people losing their jobs around us, it's nice that both of us have managed to keep ours. While we'd both like to be making more, and while I still have my dream of working part time, at least for now we're both employed and bringing in enough money to live comfortably. And I'm extra thankful that there's a true prospect for improving things...in the short term and long term. More on that later, if anything comes of it. And while we both have our share of difficulties with our jobs (who doesn't?), we both have a lot of things that we like about them. Craig is fulfilling his dream of working in sports, and I have a job that has turned me into a Microsoft Excel nerd :) And it pays me better and demands far less hours than my previous job, which did have the benefit of fulfilling my dream of working in sports. I also got a husband out of the deal, so that wasn't bad, either ;-)
6) We're still happily married - We probably don't get to hang out or talk to each other as much as we'd like, since by the time evening hits and Jacob's in bed we're both too spent to do much more than watch TV, but when we do have the time to hang out, we still enjoy each other's company. And despite the stresses of work, parenthood, and home ownership, we're still happily together. And that means that much more this week, after hearing about marital infidelity by a friend of ours. It was disappointing and pretty shocking, and makes me that much more grateful that we've made it this far without feeling the need to resort to stupid, selfish behavior like that.
7) A special month - Earlier this month Craig's Nana turned 91. Saturday my grandma turns 86, and Sunday my parents celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. It's truly a blessing to have those things happening in our world...from the fun stories Nana shared during dessert today to the great example my parents have set with their marriage. I still remember my grandparents' 40th anniversary party, held under a tent in our old backyard. I was nearly four years old at the time. Looking back at pictures, my grandparents already looked old, but despite being in the same general age group as my parents are now, I think my parents look so much younger! Scary to think I'm pretty much the age now that my parents were then! I also know a number of other people with birthdays this month. Seriously, I think almost every day I had three or four friends on Facebook with birthdays. Something special about this month, I guess!
8) Anticipation for a great holiday season - I'm excited to decorate our new house, excited to see how Jacob reacts to everything this year (please God, don't let his current issues ruin everything!), excited to have 10 days off of work, and excited to see my brother and his family at Christmas. We talked with them today on the webcam (primarily to reveal my parents' anniversary gift), and it was awesome to see my niece Kate being such a big girl--talking, drawing, looking adorable--and I can't wait to see the two kids together. They're probably actually really close in abilities right now, so it should be fun to see if they talk to each other or play together. Let's hope it's all good! Regardless, it will be so good to see everyone together for the first time in a year and a half.
9) Potty training - While the whole process still freaks me out a bit, I'm excited that it's getting started earlier than I thought. We still have a long way to go, but it's a start. And amidst all of this frustration with Jacob, it's given us a little bright spot of pride every time he manages to go n the potty. Little victories, folks.
10) This blog - For nearly three years it's been a constant in my world, documenting my thoughts, feelings, and happenings for posterity. The blog has had its moments, but I really do appreciate it's presence in my life. I like looking back and seeing how we've progressed and what we've done. It's the most in-depth baby book possible, and I am grateful for the way it has documented our lives. It can be a great place to vent or sort through my feelings, a great creative outlet, and the cheapest form of therapy there is. And just one glance through it reminds me how lucky we are, how blessed to have so many good (and not-so-good, but life-enhancing nonetheless) experiences filling our world. And on this Thanksgiving, I am grateful for them all.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)