I've been trying to get a post written for a week now, and time and brain space have not been my friends. But I felt compelled to post about something different for today.
Today is September 11. Obviously that right there strikes a chord in most people. Twenty-four years ago our world changed forever. It's hard to believe more years have passed now since than day than the number of years I was actually alive when it happened. I had just turned 23, entering year two of my adult life. Craig and I had just started seeing one another (in secret because of work), and I was his date for his brother's wedding the following weekend. I will never forget that day, from walking into work a few minutes late and hearing about a plane into the World Trade Center, to hearing about a second one, then finally seeing the holes and realizing what was happening, to watching the first tower come down. Then the Pentagon, and Pennsylvania, and wondering what might happen next. We've been trying to explain that to the kids lately, that it was such a horrible day not just because of the massive loss of life, but because we just didn't know what more might happen. Everything felt so out of control.
I was supposed to go to a Stevie Nicks concert with Mary a day or two later, and that got canceled as I was driving home on that picture perfect, clear blue sky day. Craig and I went out to dinner that night, as I was way too spent to cook. We chose the new Ruby Tuesday that opened up down the road from my apartment the prior day. In the years that followed, up until it closed a number of years ago, I always remember there being a plaque on the wall commemorating their opening day with the September 10, 2001 date. We watched rescue footage on the TVs as we ate, which probably shows just how out-of-it we were, that we could even stomach that.
That was also probably one of the least productive weeks I've ever had. We had a golf tournament at work the day before (and our foursome pictures had the wrong date imprinted on them--9/11/01, of course--ugh), and then Tuesday we did almost no work as we watched the events unfold. The rest of the week involved delayed decisions and frozen budgets among our corporate sponsors, whose sponsorship elements I was supposed to be collecting ahead of the hockey season. I later heard a story from one of my contacts who worked in New York about watching the smoke from his office and then walking across the bridge to New Jersey, so clearly they were on hold and there was so much uncertainty all around. We were also all in some sort of PTSD shock haze for a while after that. I watched footage all evening for days, until I had to stop myself in order to maintain my sanity and will to live. I just couldn't bear the thought of such a terrible way to die, nor the pain all of the families and children were feeling.
As I said, it's come up a few times recently with the kids, and it's hard for them to picture a time when that wasn't our reality. They've always known a world with that in the history book, and can't quite grasp what a game-changer that day was for almost everything, from visiting cities or being in a high-rise to flying on planes and our general sense of security. And the united patriotism that we saw in the days that followed is an incredibly far cry from the divided country we are now. I've wondered before what would happen now if something like that occurred? It would be an instant blame game and there would likely be immediate violence against any group tied to it--whether racial, ethnic or political. President Bush's statements were strong but comforting, yet I can only imagine what President Trump would say--though presumably it would be far less eloquent and include some form of name-calling or unfounded speculation. Why do I think that? Well, that's pretty much how it goes with any smaller tragedy these days.
Case in point, today is also oddly emotional because yesterday was another dark day in our history. In Utah a conservative political activist was murdered during an outdoor speaking engagement at a university. I never really liked Charlie Kirk, if I'm honest. Jacob watched a lot of his videos, and while we may have shared a similar faith on paper, his take on elements of it were very different. He tended to share things that could be construed as racist, homo- and trans-phobic, playing into stereotypes, and generally just cruel. He called black women stupid, wouldn't trust certain people to fly his plane, said that he'd make his (hypothetical) 10-year-old daughter bring a pregnancy caused by rape to term, and that empathy is a new-age term that's a waste of time and detrimental to society. He also said that a certain number of gun violence deaths each year were a valid price to pay to keep the 2nd Amendment in place. Well, turns out he's one of those deaths, as he was sniped from the top of a building. Even more ironic, he was talking about trans people as shooters and inferring gun deaths were mostly gang related in the moment before he died. Even though I disagree with him on almost everything, it's tragic and political violence should not happen in a democratic nation. It was shocking to see such a prominent young voice gunned down out of the blue. Discussion and fair debate are so important, and apparently he was pretty good at that considering his strong views. We've lost sight of that in recent years, and it's led to this dehumanizing violence. I always come back to the book I read before the 2020 election, Love Your Enemies, by Arthur Brooks. It gives a lot of insight into how we got here--how each side has dehumanized the other side through name-calling and discrediting, which leads to a lack of respect for their views, their humanity, and ultimately their life. This perspective turns humans into animals, just survival of the fittest and only one of us can survive. If we can't visualize their humanity--the life, family, and friends behind them--they become merely a target, be it of hate or violence. It happens in almost all walks of life, from school hallways to war-torn nations to political debates. We don't value life or mutual respect, and it shows. Violence like this is the direct result.
And of course, maybe guns are the problem, or maybe mental health is. Likely both. As noted above, we've set the stage for some unhinged person to believe they have a right to exterminate their opponent. We've taken away mental health care while also doing away with gun laws that would flag people as threats. You can't blame mental health and then take away resources. So many of us have been wanting common sense gun laws to bar mental health risks from getting them, but while this administration wants to legislate everything from reproductive health to banned books, apparently guns can't be regulated or it infringes our rights. Mmm, 'kay. The hypocrisy on some of this stuff is staggering. A Democratic Minnesota lawmaker and her husband were gunned down at their home a few months ago and Trump didn't bother even calling the Democratic governor. But for this? Flags at half-staff immediately. The difference is striking and just plays into this us vs. them mentality that creates these situations even more--"They're not worth our time or energy", which to the unhinged translates to "Maybe they don't even deserve to live."
The other sad thing that happened yesterday was another school shooting. On top of another school shooting a couple weeks ago. In this one only the shooter died and two were injured. In the other one, two little kids were killed while praying in church and many more were injured. Lots of thoughts and prayers were sent, of course, but no action. So people get all up in arms about this assassination (as well they should), but don't show the same energy or compassion for children that were killed while praying in their school's chapel. And when two similarly tragic things happen on the same day and get far different treatment, it's hard to ignore. It's why so many of us feel disenchanted with everything right now--how Christianity responds, how the government responds (or doesn't)--it's exhausting. Next week we have our big reunion/homecoming weekend at work and will have a number of guest speakers on campus. I'm not sure any are as political as Charlie Kirk, but it does give me pause about what would happen if that happened here. It's scary.
Anyway, the fact remains that a wife has lost her husband and kids have lost their dad, which is just awful no matter who you are (although as many have pointed out, if he was anti-empathy, how sad should we feel?). But no one should die for their free speech. Full stop. This country is supposed to be better than that. They still don't know who did it or what their motivation was, though the conspiracy theories and rumors are all over the place. Supposedly the ammunition had transgender and anti-fascist messaging, but was that a plant to throw everyone off-track? There's debate over whether it was the perfect shot of a marksman or an accidental "lucky shot" of an amateur who should have been aiming for the head or chest. If it was a planned hit, why? And there's even some speculating that Trump himself (or someone on his team) set it up to distract from the growing pressure to release the Epstein files, which have probably been the only thing in the past 10 years that both sides can almost agree on. It could expose some very prominent names as having done some very sketchy (even criminal) stuff, and while Democrats are voting for it (even though there are Dems in the files), every single Republican is voting against release no matter how many people on both sides want it. That's not suspicious at all...or not. Who even knows what to believe anymore? And will the truth on this even come out? These days it seems like everything is a cover-up for something, or a very blatant attempt to make people look bad. It sucks to feel so unsure of reality all the time. A co-worker of mine even said yesterday that's hard to focus properly on work with all of this (not just yesterday, but everything that's happened in the last eight months, let alone the last five or ten years), and he's right. It's just so much sensory input, and being an empath in the middle of it all is exhausting.
Twenty-four-years-ago me could never have fathomed where we are today. Frustrated with Christianity, sitting a tad left of center politically, unsure I want to fly a flag outside my house, a disgraced celebrity running the country, and civil liberties and constitutional rights being infringed upon left and right. Back then we had a common enemy outside of our borders, and now the enemy could literally be our next door neighbor (judging by the houses around the corner with competing Trump and "No Kings" signs). Everything about this sucks. All while the rich get richer and the poor pay for the tariffs. What a freaking mess. I'd like to hope that when we hit the 25th anniversary next year, something will be better, but I can't say I have any reason to believe it. I pray God has mercy on us and finds a way (hopefully gently) to right the ship, because this storm is just not sustainable.
No comments:
Post a Comment