I hate to put this in writing because it'll probably change immediately, but I feel like I'd be doing this blog a disservice if I didn't mention that the eternal battle between the boys really seems to have hit a much more peaceful era. They're actually trying to be friends, people!
Baseball has probably been the biggest turning point. Carter wanted to play it, Jacob wanted to help and really got back into it himself, they both wanted to play MLB The Show on Xbox, and both enjoy watching YouTube videos about baseball. Craig has provided the assist with helping them with their ball hitting sessions--driving them to fields as needed and generally keeping the peace when Jacob's throws go off course. It's given them something in common and a couple common goals to work toward, which I think is extra important for getting Jacob on board.
That's not to say they don't argue anymore--they definitely do. They have plenty of disagreements on what to watch or what to do with their video game team. Jacob still makes comments unfairly critiquing Carter and putting him down for a variety of reasons, but he insists he's mostly joking with him. I keep explaining that those jokes only fly when you have a certain mutual trust, but I think he's realizing the ways he needs to improve that, and things have gotten significantly better overall. I think I probably yell at them more these days for things they're doing while getting along--like things they shouldn't do in the house or risking injury by playing something where they're not evenly matched--but I guess that beats having one kid fully terrorizing another.
Not long ago I came back across blog posts from our trip to Toronto in 2016, which was at a time where their relationship was getting even worse. Carter was big enough to actively bother Jacob, and Jacob was old enough to be a full-on jerk. I even mentioned in one post how Jacob said something about how bugging Carter actually made Jacob feel happier, which pretty much sums up how much of a battle we had on our hands back then--one happy-go-lucky kid who was constantly squashed by a bully big brother who had zero guilt about it. Times have definitely changed, and this might be one of the first times in my entire parenthood experience, at least since Jacob started acting up around age two, that I feel like I'm not constantly on edge. Not only that, but I swore off vacations for a bit after that one, and now vacations are generally times where they're even easier to manage. It's quite the switch and a welcome relief.
As a whole I can see Jacob maturing in a lot of ways. He's still a mess with cleaning up his space, being proactive with his homework, managing his food making and eating, and getting ready on time, but there are certain things he says and does that surprise me with their maturity. It's almost like all of the stuff we've been trying to hammer home to him for years is finally clicking. He's being nicer to his brother and realizing they CAN get along. He actually enjoyed hanging out with my extended family on Good Friday, after years of being bored there, because he realized talking to people is way more fun. He seems to be taking his faith more seriously, including considering how it could impact his relationships and where he wants to go to college. Speaking of college, he seems to have a pretty good path planned out at the moment. He wants to go to school for physical therapy, which would be an amazing fit for him, I think. Lord knows he's done enough of it over the past year, and it fits right in with him wanting to stay fit and active once his basketball days are done. He's back on his "I want to go to Oral Roberts" kick from last year, which may be in part because his coach apparently has a connection there, which makes it seemingly more doable. I can't say the thought of traveling to Oklahoma again (let alone regularly) thrills me, but he'll probably change his mind few dozen more times before we get to that point. Still, it's nice to see him taking something of substance seriously.
He's supposed to be going to the prom this spring, as his coach recruited him to be a date for someone. Who that person is has changed a couple times and is currently up in the air, but it still seems to be happening. It's ironic because he pretty much swore he'd never do stuff like that, and here he is doing it as a freshman. We're at a bit of an impasse, though, because he wants to buy a suit and I think he should rent this year. He seems to be very close to being done growing, so I'd rather he rent now and get the suit when he'll fit in it for an extended period of time, ideally closer to when he might need it for interviews, another prom, or something else important. We'll see who wins that battle. He still insists he might not go to his own prom, but I keep telling him it's fun to go with a group of friends. He seems to have it in his head that that means he wouldn't have a date or something, like it would be a whole group going stag, but hopefully we can clarify that. He has gravitated toward the older kids at his school at the moment--he says his own grade is super immature and annoying--so maybe he won't find a group he's comfortable with, but I hope he can find a good one for once those kids all graduate. He seems pretty confident about being smart about it and avoiding a lot of pitfalls, but it still makes me nervous since a lot of these kids don't have the best home life.
I think part of the peaceful streak here is actually thanks to missing four days of school before break and having a nice respite from basketball. It has probably allowed his anxiety to chill out a bit, makes him less snippy with us, and gives us fewer things to battle him over. I might still have my work cut out for me on Monday when we need to go to his annual brain study appointment. He gets paid well, but he always resists going. It'll fortunately be a shorter day than usual because of the eclipse (we have an evening Zoom appointment Thursday to finish it off), but it's never a favorite thing. We'll be more than halfway through the full study after this year, which is pretty crazy. Heck, I remember thinking at the time of the last partial eclipse here in 2017 that my kids would be SO OLD by the time we got the full eclipse in 2024, and boom...here we are. I didn't realize at the time that about half of it would be spent in a pandemic, so I suppose that once again warped time a bit more than would be expected, but it's amazing how quickly we got here.
Anyway, I know things could ramp up again next week when he's back in school, but I'm enjoying the peace for now. It's also a good reminder that when stress and anxiety aren't creeping up on him, he can be a pretty darn pleasant kid so we should always strive to uncover that again when it gets buried. In the meantime I'm just amazed at how much they're working together and spending time together. I almost never thought it would happen, since Jacob's frustration with his brother's mere existence and his perception of our favoritism toward Carter seemed to be pretty deeply rooted. It still flares up once in a while when we give him grief or call him out on going a little too far with his comments. You can see him go from 0 to 60 very quickly so it's still a sore spot, for sure. But he seems to be realizing his brother wasn't simply put on this earth to make him miserable, and just as he learned with talking to my family, if he puts the effort in, it can even be a good thing. Little steps, but we're getting there.
Carter seems to be enjoying the camaraderie as well, and takes his part in their video game exploits very seriously. He's also trying hard on the real baseball front. I think it's taking some effort for Jacob to stay patient with him, but it's been a good group effort. Carter got his team for the summer, by the way--he's going to be an Expo, which suits us just fine! I was an Expos fan way back during my obsession with all things Quebec, and Jacob went through an Expos phase for a while, too--possibly after we went to a minor league game for the affiliate of the Nationals, who were previously the Expos, and Jacob got a hat. We somehow make all of our different favorite teams work here--Craig is still a Braves fan, Jacob is a Pirates fan, and Carter is a Blue Jays fan--but as long as they're not playing one another we are all supportive! And lucky for Carter, we'll be seeing his team soon! Hopefully this trip to Toronto is much more successful than the one eight years ago! And I have a feeling this summer will have a lot more baseball than the past few!
So, anyway, this blog post has been about 11 years in the making, but I finally got to write it. I'll pray and cross my fingers and toes that it sticks, but for this moment at least, I'm so grateful for a bit of a truce in the endless sibling wars.
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