So...Jacob is off to a new school. Again. Next week. This all sort of happened quickly and crazily, and while it's not the most ideal of circumstances, we're making it work.
He's been miserable at his current school for a while. I think he fought through some of his issues there because of basketball, wanting to make things work. But it's been a struggle--the kids tend to be a little immature--lots of food throwing and general pestering, for example--and he's had a really hard time bonding with anyone and making friends. Even on the basketball team it could be a struggle at times, and he didn't even have any of those guys in his class. He never really adjusted to the full schedule of classes every day and the full dose of homework every night. We weren't thrilled with some of the curriculum as it was super focused on a Christian perspective and that doesn't always translate properly to the mainstream academic setting he will likely encounter later in life. Basketball was fine--the sectional championship was amazing--but we knew he still had one more year before he'd be fully trusted to do his thing, and there were rumblings that at that point other players might be moving on. Any one of those things would not have been a reason to leave, but all together he was so unhappy.
And then his coach that he's known and trusted since he was 11 got the head coaching job at a charter school that happens to fall within our district. With all of his unhappiness, the wheels started to turn and a little investigation turned up that, in theory, he could transfer without having to sit out a year of basketball because he was coming back into our district. I think once that seed was planted it was hard to convince him otherwise. The biggest problem was that he'd have a bad lottery number to get into the school for next year, but he could transfer in this year and bypass that. We were hoping he could finish out the year at his school since it finishes earlier and then spend the last week or so at the new one, but apparently there's some sort of transfer deadline that's next week. So that plan went out the window, and it's been a whirlwind of calls and paperwork and awkward conversations ever since.
We went on a tour of the middle school last week, and it's in the city in an old Catholic school. It's not fancy but it works. He'll only be there for about 2-1/2 weeks, which should be an interesting experience for him. Not a lot of academics at that point in the year, thankfully, so he should get a chance to make friends a bit more naturally. It's a little odd because his classes wouldn't match up for exams since he took 9th grade classes this year, but at least he has 8th grade credit from last year anyway so not finishing the year at his current school shouldn't be an issue. We're starting him fresh in 9th grade on a Regents track. Even though he took 9th grade classes this year, we figure most of it will not match up since his school didn't do Regents and the curriculum was so faith-focused. It sounds like he'll have a little more free time to do homework and get help, which will be helpful for him. Oddly, the academic stats at this school are better than his current school. That's impressive since most of these kids come from the city and may not have the same parental support. But 90% get a Regents diploma and a high percentage get accepted to college. So, we're hopeful that will be a good fit.
I think the city kids will be a little more than he bargained for, but the vibe was definitely more his style when we toured. The high school will be different, but it's also at a former Catholic school (but a suburban one) and they do have some new facilities (including that new gym with the elevated seating and sunken court that I mentioned when he played this school earlier in the year). It's a little farther from home (but not as far as his previous school) and not as convenient for a commute, but it'll be okay. I'm a little nervous about him making friends and being very much in the minority of white kids, but he does fine being the only white kid on a basketball team so I'm hoping that will translate to the classroom.
As we were touring the middle school, we met the health/gym teacher and he suddenly realized he recognized Jacob. It was the outgoing varsity coach, and he vividly remembered Jacob scoring five threes on his team and then getting some clutch points in another game to help defeat his team for the first time in two years of regular season games, and then contributing again when we beat them in sectionals. He was very excited to see Jacob considering attending even though he won't be coaching anymore! It feels odd considering how badly we wanted to beat this team this year, but we'll see how it goes.
Of course, he's leaving in his wake some disappointed people. He was going to be a central part of the team at his old school in the coming years and I think the athletic director is very disappointed he's leaving, for a lot of reasons. It's not what we hoped for, certainly, but sometimes you have to do hard things to keep your kid sane. Apparently the increased interest in Jacob and other kids transferring in sparked a meeting with Section V to make sure there wasn't any recruiting happening, but I think it's really just a testament to the new coach and how respected he is by his players. And I won't lie, the money savings doesn't hurt either. But it still doesn't feel particularly good, and I feel like something's wrong with us that most people try to get their kids out of city schools and into the suburbs, and here we are actively putting our kid into what amounts to a city school. I'm nervous, especially because he's pretty much out of options if this doesn't work out--prep school would be about it--but we got to a point where we didn't really have a choice because his mental health was so strained.
This is yet another one of those situations where I worry about his "grass is greener" mentality. Every time something doesn't feel quite right, you can't just leave and move on. So are we pushing him enough to find solutions? Are we not teaching him resilience? He's definitely a more challenging kid so I'm not sure we can look at this from a regular kid perspective, but it's hard to find a balance when your kid is struggling and you're seemingly fighting against whatever they see as a "solution", because they see you fighting against them. We're still talking about getting him in to see someone to manage some of the emotions he's dealing with, because he ends up feeling trapped by certain difficult scenarios and we don't know how to help him manage that. Life ends up being full of those things, and the sooner you learn to function through that stuff, the better. We've done our best but we're not sure how to help him past a certain point. So we try to be supportive, and that's what all of this is ultimately about. He feels good about it, though I could never have left school at this point in the year and gone to a completely new place. And now he's done it twice in a year. It's a lot to process, even for us. We have a lot of mixed emotions and regrets, but we don't really see any viable path that involved staying at that school because of the struggles he's had most recently. I guess we just hope for a fresh start (now and at the high school in the fall), and hope for the best.
So that's taken up a lot of our brain space (and Craig's time) over the last couple weeks. So this past weekend's trip to St. Louis couldn't have come at a better time to give us a little bit of a distraction. It was much needed and ended up being pretty incredible. It's going to take multiple posts to do it justice, so stay tuned!
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