Channeling Pat Benatar

In case you want to know what the last week has been like...I give you the immortal words of Pat Benatar, in the form of her song "Anxiety (Get Nervous)":

Get nervous, get nervous
Get nervous, get nervous
Get nervous, get nervous
Get nervous, get nervous
Get nervous, get nervous
I feel a little shaky, I can't control my nerves
I know you think I'm fakin', but can't you feel the curves?
I swear to you I feel it, it scares me half to death
It gathers in my throat and it gathers up my breath

Anxiety, got me on the run
Anxiety, yeah, I just need someone
Anxiety, can't get nothin' done
Anxiety, spoils all the fun

I'm picking up the telephone, there's no one I can call
I need somebody bad tonight, can't find no sleep at all
I wish I could relax, I just can't stop my mind
I wish I could collapse but my body's not that kind

Anxiety, got me on the run
Anxiety, yeah, I just need someone

I've known this song for 20+ years but it's been stuck in my head for the last week, especially those two bolded lines.  Admittedly, some of the nerves I've had for the past few months chilled out once the flights got booked, but I am still a bundle of nervous energy most of the time.  I start thinking about elements of the trip and I get a nervous stomach flip-flop or my lower digestive tract goes into hyperdrive (yes, TMI, but I admit I am a nervous pooper--it's the first thing my body does when something stressful happens).  

The nerves were made worse when Carter got sick last week.  He came home from school on Tuesday sniffly and sneezy.  At first I was nervous he caught Jacob's COVID, but he tested negative Wednesday morning.  We kept him home anyway, but he felt fine other than the congestion and he stopped being a sneezy mess after that day and wanted to go back to school on Thursday.  The congestion has hung in there a bit, but it was significantly more tolerable after the first could days.  And then Jacob woke up sniffling on Thursday, which made me wonder if he was having a bounce-back case of COVID.  But we didn't really have time to test that morning and it seemed to fade by the afternoon so we let it be.  The bounce-back theory was probably only a thing in my head because I had "COVID headaches" most of the week.  They were the same low-level, full-headed, annoying ones I had when I got the vaccine or was exposed, the ones that only respond so much to pain killers and make me feel like I have a fever.  I tested myself Saturday morning before heading to a family bridal shower, just to be sure.  I don't know why I was still having those headaches a couple weeks after Jacob had recovered, but my theories are that a) Jacob had a bounce-back case and was spewing COVID again for a couple days; b) Carter actually did have COVID but tested negative initially despite heavy symptoms at the time (and I didn't re-test because by the time I made the connection he would have been out of quarantine anyway); or c) that coughing, sniffly woman I sat in front of at church last week actually had COVID.  Could be any of the above, I suppose.  But the headaches have waned a bit over the past couple days so hopefully we're in the clear.  But between all of those illnesses and a minor knee injury Jacob suffered in gym class on Friday, I've been convinced this trip is doomed.

Then on Friday, Craig left for the airport at 4:30am and texted me around 7:30 when I was leaving to drop the kids at school that they still hadn't left.  The plane had a mechanical issue and they ended up having to cancel the flight.  He couldn't get rebooked until 5:30, so he came home, napped, and left again mid-afternoon, not getting to Vegas until 1:30am our time.  That was a long day.  Of course it made me hope the following Friday's travel would be smoother, but yikes, that was a vivid reminder of how crappy travel can be.  I was still a little sad to not be going to Vegas with him.  When the schedule came out I had pinpointed this trip as one I really wanted to go on--for the first time in ages--but between terrible flights and all of the travel coming up, it just wasn't happening this time.  I was doubly bummed when we found out my niece and nephew were there with their mom for little getaway!  I would have loved to see them.  And I would have had more time to catch up with them than Craig did.  He did get them tickets for the game, so it was cool they got to see lacrosse while they were there, but they just couldn't match up their schedules to get together.  He had some time to wander around the strip on Sunday and take some cool pictures, but I really wished I could have been there myself.  It's been almost 20 years since we went there two years in a row and I haven't been back since.  So much has changed, too.  Hopefully someday.

 

Instead, I was back at home shuttling Jacob to and from practice first thing on Saturday, and then leaving the boys for the afternoon to go to Craig's cousin's fiancee's bridal shower in Buffalo.  It was a rainy, windy trip, but the shower was very nice.  After I left there, I stopped at a Kohl's nearby because I was on a hunt for a clearance dress I couldn't find in my size at home.  I didn't have any luck there.  I then stopped at the Broadway Market downtown because it was the first day of their Easter season, and I was jonesing for new Polish eggs.  I found a few I couldn't pass up and wandered around the rest of the place, ultimately leaving without any chocolate or other treats.  But it was still nice to be back.  I headed back home, stopping at Pembroke to get some caffeine via a Slurpee and then stopping again in Batavia when I remembered there was a Kohl's there.  I still didn't find the dress I was looking for, but found a different one for only $10!  I think it will work for the wedding in June.  I also found some PJ pants for Carter for next winter.  While I was in the store, I could hear the pouring rain outside, but by the time I checked out it was sunny with blue skies.  The wind was ramping up, though, and by the time I got home the clouds had moved back in.  We did dinner out since it was already getting late.  But it was a good, full day.  

Sunday was pretty uneventful.  I spent most of the day getting things prepped for the trip.  I pulled out spring clothes since the weather looks like it will be mostly in the 60s, did a bunch of laundry, and got my packing list together.  I still have a few things to figure out, but it's getting there.  Thursday night is going to be very stressful as I'm trying to get it all together and figure out where everything fits.  

My bigger stress is starting to be what I'm leaving back home.  It's hard enough leaving Carter (and Craig--but I'm more used to him not being around from all his travel) for this long, but I worry about how they'll function while I'm gone and what I'll come back to.  I handle the vast majority of domestic tasks around here--I'm usually the one who remembers to bring in the mail or take out the garbage, I wash the dishes and load and run the dishwasher, I am wiping down the kitchen constantly, I handle all the cooking.  I'm trying to think of ways to decrease the number of times they'll need to eat out, and ways to document things that may need to take place while I'm gone.  Luckily there's no school so he won't need to regularly pack lunches or be aware of Carter's orchestra/chorus schedule past this Friday.  They're trying to think of fun things to do while we're gone since Carter doesn't get a lot of solo time with Craig, but I worry that they'll be so busy keeping busy that I will come home to piles of dishes and laundry, an empty fridge, and things like that.  It's not that Craig is irresponsible, but it's just not habit for him and I have a feeling all of the stuff he will need to take on will feel like a lot, which means some things will fall through the cracks.  I want to be helpful because he's at such a disadvantage from not having to do a lot of these things on a regular basis, but I have enough stuff on my end that I'm trying to prepare for that I'm not sure how much time or bandwidth I have to go above and beyond for this.  My nerves went up an extra notch when I saw a graphic from a news station in Buffalo predicting 70+ mph winds for Buffalo on Saturday.  It's still early and that was only one model (both of my weather apps are saying 50mph or so), but it's just one more wrinkle I didn't need.  Carter will be there from Friday night to Monday morning staying with my parents while Craig is in Philadelphia for a game, and it concerns me that there could be damaging winds or power outages while he's there.  It's hard enough to be away from him, let alone in a situation where I'd be extra protective if I was there.  Ugh.  I'm just struggling with finding the right balance of what I can leave to Craig to handle and what would be asking too much.  Maybe typing up some cooking instructions or day-by-day suggestions will be my task on the plane when my brain can finally relax a bit...maybe.  

I'm now starting to work through some of the other logistical stuff--where the gluten-free restaurants are, how we're spending our free time and work time, what other hotels we'll be staying at in between tournament hotels, and the like.  There are still a lot of things to work out.

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So, I took a break last night as I was finishing this post, and in that period of time, Jacob had a complete freak-out about staying the whole week.  I think he hadn't been shooting well this week and realized that he won't be able to go to practice at home next week, and he is concerned about when he will be able to practice or even put up some shots, and a switch flipped.  His concerns with being able to eat properly for all these days was weighing on him, too, which only made it worse.  He accused me of not telling him enough about the trip--costs, what we're doing--but I did tell him, repeatedly.  I can't help if he didn't think through things or internalize them.  I asked him point blank before I booked if he was sure he was OK with being in a hotel room a lot while I worked in the mornings, and he said yes.  So what more should I have done there?  He's just back to the same crap I dealt with at the Jersey Shore, before we left for Disney, and after the overbooking debacle in Cleveland, where he doesn't trust me and thinks I screw up travel all the time.  I knew his good mood was probably too good to be true, and here we are.  I was up past midnight working through scenarios to change our travel, but it would be quite expensive and there honestly just isn't enough time or brain space to work through all of the logistics again.  We simply have to make it work.  Luckily Craig contacted his trainer today as he knew he was staying in Branson all week with a bunch of the older players, and he said he definitely wanted Jacob to hang out with them as much as possible.  That should help him get some playing time in.  So hopefully I can drop him off, get some work done, and then pick him back up later.  We still need to figure out what might happen when they're together during meal times, but at least he perked up a little at the prospect of being with them even if he's still super negative about the trip as a whole.  I agree it's not going to be easy--there's a lot we have to figure out on the fly and there are a million moving parts.  We will miss home and our beds and Craig and Carter.  But he needs to learn some resilience, how to have patience, and how to have backup plans and make eating on the road work.  He seems to be convinced that he won't need those skills later despite being hopeful about college basketball, but he more than likely will at some point in his life.  

Anyway, I'm down to the last bits of packing.  I have only a handful more things to add to my bag before I'm down to anything I still need to use tomorrow.  I packed Carter's bag tonight.  Jacob's...is a work in progress.  Things are tense around here and at this point I'm dreading this experience for a bunch of different reasons--Jacob's stress, missing Carter, bad weather--it's a lot. Stay tuned for what is sure to be an eventful few days...