TEN!

Dear Carter,

How are you TEN?  I know I ask this sort of question almost every year, but this year it's even crazier because it's a full decade.  You've hit double digits!  It's pretty mind-blowing to know 10 full years have passed since the last time I was pregnant, the last time I gave birth (thank goodness), and the last time I had a newborn baby to snuggle.  Those years have gone by so incredibly fast, despite the challenges we've had along the way.  I can't get over how quickly you went from baby to toddler, then from toddler to Kindergarten, and now all of a sudden your last year of elementary school is in sight.  Admittedly, the pandemic made your K-2 time a bit warped.  You only had one fully normal year in that school, so while it felt like your time there went fast, it was hard to judge because our entire sense of time was messed up and almost half of the time you were there you weren't physically in the school.  But now you're officially halfway through your time at your current school, too, and before I know it you'll be graduating there, too.  I remember how fast it went for Jacob, too, to go from dropping him off on the first day of third grade and seeing those big fifth graders, to picking him up from his last day of fifth and realizing we were done there for a while.  It all happened in the blink of an eye, and it's happening all over again with you.  Only this time it's my baby, and there isn't another kid coming behind you to soften the blow of how fast you're growing up.  

Of course, there are major advantages to the big boy you've become.  There are lots of little kid challenges I haven't minded leaving behind.  Babies and toddlers are tough and tiring, and now that we worked through a few of your behavior issues, this big kid thing feels a little easier to manage on a day-to-day basis.  And even better, we have such a fun time together going on our adventures.  I know the playground era will be winding down soon, but the amusement park era is just getting started.  But I love our nature walks too, and I hope that no matter what tweenhood throws at us, we still keep this bond and you're not embarrassed or annoyed by doing stuff with your mom.  I relish the fact you still give me hugs all the time, and while I know our bedtime snuggles will probably be ending soon, I appreciate that you're still sweet and affectionate.  I will miss that a lot if you go the way of your brother, who hasn't willingly given me a hug in...well, probably since around when you were born, but he was never as affectionate as you and I hope we find a happy medium somewhere between sweetness and awkwardness (haha) as you get older.

We do still need to work on independence a bit.  You're better than your brother at things like putting dirty clothes in the hamper and cleaning up your dishes, and you're good with doing bathroom stuff and bedtime (other than still preferring company as you fall asleep), but we need to work on things like picking out clothes, getting your own snacks and breakfast (though you're getting there with the snacks), and not leaving a mess behind at the table.  And cleaning up...oy.  You are still infamous for leaving random things in random places.  Maybe not bottles, dishes, food packaging, and clothes like your brother, but the random school papers and toys and candy that are left in your wake are still pretty maddening.  It's like your brain switches gears and you drop whatever you're holding right then and there.  "Clean" definitely means different things to you and me (that is one of the few traits you and your brother share), but I guess we just need to work together a bit more to help you understand that it's more than shoving things into a pile in a different part of the room.  We'll get there.

You're also still struggling with voluntarily getting away from screens--you tend to go from your phone (whose screen time limits you complain about weekly) to the Xbox to The Simpsons on a pretty regular rotation while your toys sit waiting.  Yet you're still hesitant to have them packed up despite not using them much.  Maybe you're just a collector at heart and simply like knowing they're there...or maybe we just need some better habits to remind you what's there to play with.  I know how much random creativity is in there--I still have great memories of how you used to play with a little of everything when you were two and we were home together a lot when I wasn't working--and I just wish it came out in that form more often.  I think that level of playing probably takes more effort than your screen-loving ADHD brain wants to put in some days, especially when pieces are scattered or things are buried in piles.  Trust me, I get it--I have much the same relationship with my phone after dinner most days where I just want a little brainless downtime.  But darn you, instant gratification and your dopamine rushes, you're too hard to resist.  I think over the next year we'll have to make some tough decisions with the toy situation, though.  You are definitely growing up! 

In fact, I've been thinking lately that we should get you a desk for your room so you can do homework there in peace, since you tend to find me (and even the most uninteresting TV show) too distracting most of the time when you're at the dining room table.  It'll still need to have storage for the toys that are left, but I think that's one of those big next steps into the big kid era.  We tried it with your brother around this age, but it turns out that a comfy chair and lots of background noise works better for him, which is apparently a known ADHD thing.  I think you seem to be the opposite (shocking, what else is new?) so the desk might be a big help.  And from there we'll get into that toy and room organizing, I hope. 

Speaking of school, you have been a trooper this year.  Last year you had a perfect match for a teacher, and this year...not so much.  Your teacher had such a hard time with you earlier in the year, and you with her, but I think a tweak of your medication (because you grew like a weed over the last year) took the edge off and things have been much better since--not only good behavior recommendations, but amazing scores from your mid-year evaluations.  You're right at grade level for math (which hadn't been that way early in the year), and you're already reading well beyond.  I'm so proud of the hard work you've done despite the teacher situation being challenging this year.  You've also taken on new things with chorus and orchestra, which has meant early mornings and a lot more stuff to remember, and you've done well with it.  I think the jury's still out on how long the orchestra thing will last, but I'm hoping something clicks a little more soon since I know it's been a little slow getting going so far.  But you take such pride in doing well at school and are so responsible with your homework, so you're basically years ahead of your brother on that at this point!

As for your brother, the battles continue because there's just a fundamental difference between how you see the world and live your lives.  For example, it's so frustrating to get your brother to understand your relationship with sports.  In fact, it's probably one of the main things that causes friction between you.  He's always been so focused on sports, and can't fathom a world in which you just like them but don't feel the need to immerse yourself in them.  He sees it as laziness, but you just see them as something you do for fun.  So what if you're not itching to practice all the time?  You're still excited to play soccer again this spring and keep talking about wanting to play it right on through high school.  I think this year will be a make-or-break year, honestly, since next year you would be playing with 13-year-olds and we want to make sure you'll be playing at a high enough level to do that safely and effectively.  Fingers crossed for a good coach that knows how to use you, unlike last year.  Basketball has been interesting--you surprised us by suddenly being one of the best dribblers on your team this year, and while the rest has been a struggle with shots scarce and wins even harder to come by, we're so proud of you for getting out there and playing hard.  We really need to get that "sore loser" thing worked out, but we love watching you play and hope you find your place, whatever sport or activity that happens to be.

You are totally my little wild card--I'm never quite sure what you will say or do, or what you will become, which probably reminds me a lot of myself.  I never felt like I had a clear career path in life or very defined interests (at least until hockey came along), and nowadays, while I generally have the career thing figured out, it's totally different than what I expected and my list of hobbies and interests is still a bit lagging--mostly because you and your brother ARE my hobbies most of the time.  I wish I had advice on that front on how to find your "thing", but I don't because I feel like we just need to fall into it by chance.  I never needed to worry about it with Jacob because he's always been laser focused on where he's going.  So you are providing a unique challenge to guide you through finding your "thing", because even though I went through a similar path, I never quite figured out how to do it better.  It'll come, but for now we just do our best to support whatever your interest is for the moment and see where it goes.

But what stands out to me most from this past year is simply our bond.  It's unlike anything I could have imagined or asked for when the ultrasound tech told us you were a boy.  I could have easily envisioned a strong bond if I was having a girl, but knowing how things had gone with Jacob, I suppose I wasn't confident that things would go much better with you.  But I did pray that God would give me peace with it and I prayed that you would be the exact boy I needed in my life, and sure enough, here you are as my roller coaster and adventure buddy!  I have had so much fun with you over these past couple years checking out playgrounds, nature trails, and now roller coasters.  That time and attention is definitely your love language--you feel so happy and loved when we do those things and have that time together.  I have this whole precious collection of selfies on my phone with just the two of us, which is usually my way to savor that moment and signal to you that I love that we're there together.

Disney was a special favorite and something I will remember forever.  We had so much fun riding as much as we could and staying at the parks long after Dad and Jacob left to cram in all the crazy rides.  I loved sharing every last moment of my birthday--quite literally--with you at Magic Kingdom, making up for what the rain screwed up and experiencing a slightly quieter version of Disney magic well past bedtime!  We battled blisters, the heat, tired feet, rain, and those darn ponchos, but we still had fun because we were doing it together!  It was so amazing having that experience with you.

And we have so many adventures ahead and I can't wait to share those with you, too.  You will find out today that we have season passes for Darien Lake this year, which means you WILL conquer the Ride of Steel (FINALLY--fourth time's a charm, I hope!), even it means we need to go there every single day until we catch it open!  We still need to figure out our Cedar Point plan, which was a must-do this year until we found out that Top Thrill Dragster won't be ready this summer after its overhaul.  While I hope we get to go there a few times in the years ahead, it's just a tough call if we should do it now anyway, or if we should try to fill our summer with other parks in the meantime and plan for 2024 instead, when we'll be able to ride everything.  There's plenty of other options - Waldameer in Erie with their water coaster, Hersheypark, and even Canada's Wonderland, which I sort of forgot about since I haven't been there since I was a teenager, but has vastly improved!  We have so many choices and I can't wait to do as many as possible with you.

When you were a baby and a toddler, you were my little ray of sunshine--you brought joy everywhere you went with just the smile on your face.  Random strangers could see it and it always amazed me.  That bright light dimmed for a while there, but it's back (most of the time, anyway!) and it makes me so happy to have such a sweet, loving, endearing kid.  That last word is a different one, but it sums you up so well--you're just so energetic and lovable and it's clear you want to do the right thing and bring joy to others.  I couldn't have asked for a more loving kid, and I'm so glad you're mine.  And I still can't believe you've been around for ten whole years now!  Happy 10th Birthday Carter!  Our world is a better place with you in it, and we love you so much!

Love, 

Mom