I figured it's been a while since I did a bit of a "State of the Union" kind of post. I guess it's good that we've had enough fun things happening that I've been able to post about cool stuff instead of complaining about life in general. But I like to keep it real around here. It's not all sunshine and roses around here, but it's not terrible either. We're sort of in a little so-so bubble and I guess that's okay. It could always be worse.
The boys are still challenging. The week and a half of them being home together was a bit of a mixed bag. Sometimes they'd find a way to play video games together, but Carter still has a really hard time with losing and Jacob honestly isn't a whole lot better at times. I found out not long ago that there's an element of ADHD called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It basically means that some ADHD people process rejection or criticism differently and it causes a severe emotional response beyond what normal people would generally do. I think both of my kids have it in different ways. For Jacob, I think it explains why we've spent so many car rides home from tournaments playing psychologist and therapist, trying to talk him down from feeling inadequate or trying work through seemingly unjust treatment by a coach or teammate. A few weeks ago when Jacob had a rough game, it took a couple days for him to stop talking about quitting or switching schools (again). But it was just one iffy game with a somewhat negative response from his coach, and I think he took longer than most people to be okay with it and move on. Until that point it was a full-on obsession. For Carter, his comes out primarily in losing games or getting criticism at school. The school thing was made very clear during the pandemic when he'd get angry every time we or his teacher would try to help him through something he wasn't understanding. At home he's always been a sore loser, and lately it's been worst with video games (specifically FIFA soccer), to the point he throws his controller nearly every time. It's been exhausting when either kid gets upset about the video game stuff, because as a parent I am wired to react when my kids are in distress, and there's constant overreaction from them that causes a reaction in me. Same thing goes for when they battle physically and I hear pain or struggle noises. So for those couple weeks around Christmas, there was a lot of that stuff and it made me (and Craig) rather crazy. I still maintain they're just not compatible--Jacob is not patient with Carter and delights in pointing out his shortcomings, and Carter endlessly annoys Jacob with the things he says and does since it doesn't usually jive with Jacob's super-literal, super-serious point of view.
Meanwhile I'm over here just trying to get them to stay away from each other, speak nicely to each other, and be responsible for themselves and their stuff. I know they have ADHD and their executive function stinks, but is it too much to ask to have them clean up their stuff with some regularity? The clutter and garbage and toys and constant array of crumbs and kitchen spills has my anxiety on edge most of the time. I'm tired of cleaning up after everyone and living among clutter and scattered toys. Jacob leaves clothes everywhere even though his laundry basket is literally a couple steps away. Carter leaves random toys and other items in the oddest spots. But I also don't have the energy to fanatically clean up after them. It's pretty exhausting and I probably need a cleaning lady to do a major sweep, because something about the pandemic has exhausted something in me that has a hard time going above and beyond to deep clean anything. Maybe it's just the constant, thankless Sisyphean task that's been on repeat for nearly three years. We had a lot of time in the house and therefore more opportunity to make it messy, and our perception of time got a bit warped during that time and we never had people over, so I think I got out of whatever cleaning routines I had as a means of simplifying my mental burdens at the time. But it's been so hard to get back into any sort of groove and I'm beginning to wonder if it's a tiny hint of a depressive tendency that I just can't handle that one more thing. Ugh. I just try to hit up one task at a time but probably not in quick enough succession to have everything semi-clean at the same time.
In other ways winter break was a nice mental break and a time to catch up on sleep, but the re-entry to life has been interesting. Sometimes it felt like I had been a little refreshed, and other times I wondered how to get out of bed and function. Luckily it was a quiet work week to catch up on projects before the rush of Q2 reporting and a boatload of January tasks. Being home two of those days felt like a godsend to catch up on things that were hard to do with all of us in the house all the time, like my laundry (Jacob's seems to hog the drying rack constantly) and washing all of the throw rugs. We eased back in with one basketball game, one where Jacob got only five points but played well and scored on a really nice drive. They beat the other team handily, which probably kept him from getting too much opportunity to shoot out the lights and drive up the score. He did have a three rim out, too. Big games this week--his former school and game #2 against their big rival.
Carter also starts basketball this week...or he would be starting had he not picked up a cold at some point over the last few days. He has a couple practices before his first game in a couple weeks. This is the same Upward league Jacob played in in 5th grade and that Carter was playing in when the pandemic shut everything down. We'll see how it goes. Carter has honed his skills a bit in the last few years, but I'm guessing some kids have done even more, so I'm guessing he'll be among the better middle-ground kids--not the best kid but far from the worst, since there are always a few that can barely dribble or shoot. So we'll see. He has been really focusing on wanting to be a soccer guy lately, but I hope he enjoys this in the meantime. Sports is not an all-consuming passion for him like it was for Jacob so I just want it to keep him moving and have it be fun and rewarding. But that will be our Saturday afternoons for the next couple months.
After that, our weekend lives immediately get CRAZY. The weekend after Carter wraps up, there's a possibility I could go to Las Vegas with Craig for a Knighthawks game. I've been wanting to get back to Vegas (mostly to see all the new stuff (and the Chihulys) since we were last there in 2004), and this seemed like a good opportunity to get away without the kids for a couple days. But the flights are absurd--both in price and travel time--so I'm not sure that's a wise move. I don't know when it got so hard or expensive to travel to Vegas. Our flights and hotel combined for like five days were less than just the flight now, and the flight times are awful. It's bizarre and frustrating.
Not to mention that for the weeks that follow I will be going on an insane series of basketball trips with Jacob. We got his schedule for his new team--same organization as the fall, but on a New Balance circuit team--and he'll be traveling all over the place. We're going to places like Springfield, MO; Oklahoma City; Pittsburgh; Wichita; St. Louis; Albany; Boston; Houston; Spooky Nook, PA; and Lincoln, NE. I have NO idea how we're pulling this off. It's possible some trips we will just put him on a plane with his team, but obviously that's not ideal and I don't know how it would work for hotel rooms and a minor traveling without parents. But the stress of the travel is a lot, to the point I keep waking up early in the morning and start obsessing over it and can't fall back to sleep. I've never done 12 hour drives but I guess I'm inspired to try given how expensive and stupid flights are right now. I'm mostly just sad that the one I was really excited to do happens to be Easter weekend. Oklahoma City seems like a weird place to want to go, but there's a massive Chihuly exhibit there (largest outside of Washington, I believe) and this seems to be my chance to see it, even if I just sneak away for an hour or two. I also wouldn't mind checking out the Federal Building bombing memorial. I have to do the trip since Craig has a game that weekend, but it will mean being away on Easter. If it didn't suck enough missing Christmas night, now I will miss prunes and noodles with the family on Good Friday, not to mention church on Good Friday and Easter, which are among my favorites. I'm a little crushed about that, and I don't even know if the Chihuly thing is going to be feasible to make up for it. I don't feel quite ready for all of this but I know this is basically what Jacob needs to be supported and move forward in his aspirations. Stay tuned for a lot of awkward travel blogs, I guess.
This week promises to be a busy one. Tonight was supposed to be Carter's first practice but he ended up skipping it due to his cold. We almost went so he could meet his coach and team and at least watch practice, but he seemed to think watching would be more awkward than catching up next week after everyone else already has a practice under their belts. Oh, well...we tried. Jacob has a game against his old school Tuesday, Carter's first chorus concert is on Thursday, and Jacob's other game against their big rival is on Friday. Something tells me Wednesday will either be a night of rest or a night where all the things have to get done. I have a belated work holiday gathering on Thursday afternoon, which will likely bring back memories of all the times Jacob's daycare Christmas program fell on the same day as my work Christmas party and I came to daycare smelling like wine, even if I had long ago sobered up. Mom of the Year, right here.
Speaking of Carter's musical exploits, he's still plugging away at the viola. He finally just got to start using the bow, so hopefully that keeps him content for a bit. Plucking was getting really old and he was getting frustrated, so I'm glad he may start enjoying things a bit more now that he actually learns how to do more than just pluck. I suppose I should be bracing myself for those loud and painful practice sessions, but we're not quite there yet that I can tell. The concert later this spring should be a doozy, though, with only a few months of actual playing under their belts. In the meantime he really seems to be enjoying chorus.
I probably should have taken down my Christmas stuff this past weekend but it oddly seemed a little soon despite being after Epiphany. I usually aim for around the 10th, but that falls smack in the middle of the week this year so it was either early or late. I actually feel a little awkward still having Christmas stuff up and lit--not for myself but more because the neighborhood lights are mostly gone and trees have disappeared rapidly this week. But I like my decorations and I'm not feeling the urgent urge to simplify and organize this year that usually prompts me to get it done. I figured next weekend might be a little easier since it's a long weekend anyway and I'll have an extra day to finish or recover since the takedown is exhausting and takes most of the weekend--but without the bliss you feel as a reward when you spend so much time putting everything up and finally sit down admire your hard work. Sometimes I feel a nice minimalist joy when the Christmas stuff comes down and the blue and silver winter stuff takes its place, but sometimes it feels a little extra empty. We haven't even had snow to make winter feel all pretty, so I'm feeling a little blah about a gray and brown January. Even if sports will make it go quickly (and before we know it, mid-February will be here with Carter's birthday and the end of the high school season), I generally hate this time of year...almost as much as that period of March and early April where you're desperate for sun and warmth and green and the weather just sits in the 30s and 40s with a constant gray and brown backdrop. I don't really want to drive in snow, but I'd like some to play in with Carter and it would be nice to have something pretty outside instead of this muddy crud right now. I did realize yesterday that we could use our little-used red, white, and blue Christmas tree lights for the Bills game, so now I'm thinking maybe I'll take down the ornaments and leave the tree up through next Sunday's playoff game. If they win it might need to stick around a bit longer, but at least it will be well-positioned to come down during the game if the luck seems off!
Speaking of the Bills, it's been a very emotional week around Western New York and the whole country. Last Monday night, just as I was writing my last post, Damar Hamlin from the Bills collapsed early in their Monday Night Football game. It turned out that he had cardiac arrest and needed to be resuscitated on the field, both via CPR and an AED device. It was shocking and scary. It appears to be from the impact he took from a block but they're still running tests. Obviously everyone was traumatized, particularly the players on the field, and the game was called. Due to the time of the season, the NFL later canceled it. It eventually meant that the Bills mostly lost their chance to be the #1 seed in the AFC (the lost game meant their winning percentage couldn't match the Chiefs once they won their 14th game), and our opponent Cincinnati was in a similar boat, but it would have been almost impossible to ask those players to play again. Fortunately, Damar Hamlin has made a steady, miraculous recovery. His first question once he woke up was whether the Bills won the game! He's still in the hospital and will have a lot of recovering to do, but the fact he's alive, breathing, and has full neurological function despite being down so long is amazing and a testament to the Bills' training staff and the first responders. The most amazing part is that prayer became a very public, completely normalized practice from the moment it happened and through the week that followed. On the field that night, to a commentator on ESPN, to fans everywhere...everyone was praying for him. And ever since, there's been a strange series of things happening with his #3. In the Sabres' first game after the incident (remember the Sabres and Bills have the same owner), one of the Sabres players, Tage Thompson, scored three goals--the third of which was an overtime winner at exactly the three minute mark of overtime, which was 3-on-3. It was his third hat trick of the season and marked his 30th goal of the season. Like...what?! Then, in last night's Bills game, the first play of the game ended up being a touchdown on a kickoff return. You couldn't have written that story line better...except that the Bills' last one of those was three years and three months ago! The same guy got another TD on a punt return later in the game, too, which is super rare. The Bills had three touchdowns, had three interceptions, and even gave up three turnovers. The numbers are just wacky and you can't make it up. It was very clear throughout the game that everyone's hearts and minds were with Damar, and even Josh Allen admitted in his post-game interview that the first play felt very spiritual and it demonstrated to him that God is real because you couldn't script it any better than that. It was such an amazing thing--he was clearly so touched. I don't personally like to think that God brings tragedy on someone He hand-picked just to make a point or teach a lesson (I mean, I guess he did it plenty back in the Bible, but hard to say if He works that way now), but I do think He can use situations and people once those things have happened. So many lives have been touched and so many of the crazy signs have been out there that there's all a higher power in the midst of this. It's been pretty nuts. So now, on to the playoffs and we'll see how far emotion can take them.
I guess that's the bulk of things here. My life is busy, boys, and basketball. Could be a heck of a lot worse...
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