My Buddy

As is pretty evident here on the blog, Carter and I spend a lot of time together.  Craig tends to micromanage Jacob's basketball career (as much as he can with a busy career full of travel), and by default that means Carter and I have a lot of time to kill together.  Craig prefers to be there for basketball because he likes to see for himself how things go, since what he sees and what Jacob experiences can be different.  Inevitably he needs to talk Jacob down or use what he sees to help make decisions for his next steps.  There are times I wish he would let me do more for Jacob's basketball, for a couple reasons.  First, I always end up feeling a little awkward when I do make it to his stuff (mostly games) and no one knows me.  It would probably be better if I had more opportunities to interact with parents and know who the kids are more quickly, and that's why last week's breakfast and yesterday's practice/scrimmage were important--even if it didn't really do me much good yesterday when I felt more comfortable socially distancing on the other set of bleachers since the one set was already pretty full.  The other issue is that Carter always gets left with me and I don't want him getting a complex.  Craig does spend time with him in other ways--sitting with him to watch TV, playing mobile app games with him, and doing bedtime with him every other night, but Carter and I definitely end up alone together far more often.

I think for a while it bugged him more.  When I was dragging him with me all the time during the pandemic on our little hikes, or more recently to the store on at least a weekly basis, he would always be like, "How long is this going to take?" or "Why do we have to do this?" or "Why do I have to go with you all the time?"  But sometimes things need to get done, and sometimes we both need a break from screens and sitting around the house.  He still doesn't love the errand-running, but he's gradually gotten better about it.  It probably doesn't hurt that I try to include a playground or something else fun as much as possible.  If it's not outdoor season, maybe it's a treat, but I try to be a little careful with those because I don't want him expecting them.  Even still, he's really good at expressing his gratefulness whenever he does get something, so at least there's that.  

But in the middle of all of this time together, he's definitely become my little buddy.  It's so sweet now, too, because he takes pride in the stuff we both like and can't wait to do new things with me.  Whether it's food or playgrounds or our love of roller coasters, he gets so excited talking about things we can do together.  He is desperate to get back to Darien Lake and talks about how that was his favorite day ever last summer, and he is already looking forward to a trip we're planning (hopefully next year) once he is tall enough for all the coasters at Cedar Point!  He's already planning how to get Jacob on the waterslides at Darien Lake this year and what our route might be for Cedar Point.  He's already so excited, even though he's still a couple inches short of the big trip.

I think what makes this even crazier is that we were having a VERY hard time mid-pandemic.  I can't say it should have been surprising since most of our time together was spent with me nagging him to get off a screen or to do his school work.  He seemingly got used to hearing a nag or scold come out of my mouth most of the time and assumed the worst no matter what I said.  We struggled a lot and he stopped expressing nearly any affection for me.  It was heartbreaking and reminded me of how Jacob distanced himself from me once Carter was born.  I feel so fortunate that we were able to rebuild that trust and our bond, and I'm so amazed at what a good student he's become along the way.

The goal for every kid is to make them feel loved, and he definitely does.  I feel a little bad that he's becoming a bit of a mama's boy by default, because we know how mama's boys tend to go, but we'll cross that problematic bridge when we come to it.  For now, I'll just enjoy my little pal and be grateful for him being more willing to hang out with me.

We took our buddy-hood to a new level this past week because we were both sick together.  After I came down with Jacob's cold last Saturday, Carter woke up sniffly on Sunday.  That turned into three days home from school.  Much like the rest of us, his first few days were rough.  He almost went to school on Wednesday but things were draining into his throat and he was worried the coughing would be a problem.  So, we had one sick day together Monday, and then he periodically came to check in with me while I worked the other two days.  Since I had gotten Jacob a lunch of his choice out the previous week while he was home, I got Carter Taco Bell on Monday (he loves Nacho Fries and they're back for a while), which he thanked me for countless times.  As miserable as we were, the coolest thing about it was that we could hang out together and not worry about getting each other sick.  That's always one of the hardest things for me--if I'm sick I keep having to remind him not to come near me, and if he's sick I'm definitely more hesitant about laying with him at bedtime or snuggling him while we watch TV.  This time, we could just be together and not worry, which was a nice bright side to a crappy sickness.

Thursday was my first day home alone in over a week, and it was a glorious day at that.  It was up in the 60s and I took a walk at lunch before grabbing my laptop to do some work on the porch to finish out the day.  Most of the time I'm chained to my monitor because I need it for giant spreadsheets, but I was just writing a letter that day so why not sit on the porch?  I made myself a smoothie (my new specialty uses Wegmans Mango Pineapple Passionfruit juice, half a frozen banana, a few strawberries, a little stevia (the juice is lower sugar and because I can't taste I need sweet), some ice, and a little xanthan gum for texture) and it was pretty darn lovely for mid-March.   

Jacob and Craig came home mid-afternoon and immediately took off for Buffalo because they were going to the NCAA March Madness games with Craig's parents.  But fear not--Carter and I had big plans of our own!  We were going to Olive Garden for his first time!  Being the brother of someone with dietary restrictions is tough.  There are just restaurants we don't go to.  And if it's just me and Carter for a meal, we have other places we tend to go out of habit.  I can't say an expensive restaurant is usually a first choice when it's just you and a toddler, so we got into the habit of going to Taco Bell or Perri's Pizza (with the slice as big as his head).  Then he got into Domino's, and of course we loved Carmine's (those rolls!) before it sadly closed a few months ago.  But lately he's been asking to go to Olive Garden.  Since I'm not sure how lactose-intolerant Craig will do with an Italian place (turns out the salmon would probably be fine), I figured maybe the boys' night out would be our chance.  So, we made it a date!  I even changed my clothes and curled my hair, and off we went into the lovely evening!  We had to wait a few minutes to get our table, so we took a selfie!

At the table, we placed our order and Carter was excited for his big moment when the breadsticks arrived!  He was so eager to try them for the first time ever! 

They were a hit!

He really enjoyed them, and we had the waiter keep the baskets coming!  We both enjoyed our meals and ended up getting one last basket to wrap up with our leftovers.  Carter was so cute, because he grabbed one from that last batch and wanted to split it with me, so he held it out for me to pull off my half.  He also wanted to "toast" our breadsticks!  Such a funny kid.  We had such a nice dinner together.

Our plan was to grab dessert at the new Donuts Delite location down the road, but it turned out they closed at 6pm, so no dice.  But we were so full I don't think it mattered anyway!  We did have a backup plan we didn't end up doing either because we just didn't want to go to Wegmans--but one of these days I'm going to get their little individual serving of cannoli chips for us to snack on!

Another development from our night out was that just up the side street that borders Olive Garden, Carter noticed two playgrounds at a charter school. We'd never really noticed them before and that school had previously been a middle school so it never occurred to me that there might be a playground there.  But there were two--one older one on one side of the parking lot, and a newer looking one closer to the school.  We drove over after dinner to get a closer look, but I wasn't really dressed for a playground so we just checked it out quickly from the car.  Otherwise we probably would have stopped since it was still a nice night, but I promised we'd get back there soon.

When the big boys got home around 2:30am (don't worry, Jacob had Friday off), I could hear Craig sniffling, and sure enough, he confirmed he was coming down with the cold the rest of us had had.  I felt terrible because he had to travel the next day, and given how miserable we all had been, I couldn't imagine how he'd do his broadcast on Saturday, let alone function in general.  But off he went Friday morning, and while I know he didn't feel well at all, he seemed to get through the trip just fine.  But that left me with the boys all weekend, and it was basically shaping up to be a chauffeur weekend for Jacob--he had training on Saturday morning, a team building event at Lasertron Saturday night, and practice with a scrimmage on Sunday afternoon.  So, of course, more Carter and mom time!

My highlight from Friday and probably the biggest victory of the entire weekend (in the midst of all of Jacob's stuff, multiple loads of laundry, a batch of meatballs, a cake I needed out of the pantry, and a nice dinner, among other things) was probably finishing off my latest puzzle.  I bought this one last year at Five Below thinking it might be a fun one since Carter loves crystals and rocks, but it turned out this puzzle was not well cut and pieces fit together even when they weren't supposed to, so I wouldn't even let Carter touch it because he can mess that up even with a good puzzle.  This one was incredibly detailed, and while I finally got the hang of each individual element of the puzzle, the in-between stuff was hard and the last few pieces didn't end up fitting.  That meant I had to go back through and scan the puzzle for any pieces that were slightly "off", either in fit or in color, and make a couple swaps.  I think I got it in the end but I'm still not 100% sure all those in-between pieces are right!  But it definitely felt like a victory.

As I mentioned, Jacob had training at 10:30 on Saturday, and in the past when we've had to go out in the morning for that, Carter and I have often gotten a little breakfast treat.  We ended up stopping first at the gluten-free bakery to pick up some treats for Jacob--two cupcakes and a cinnamon roll--and then headed to Dunkin' where Carter got his favorite breakfast snack wrap and the best chocolate milk he ever had (Fairlife) and I got a frozen coffee.  Then it was back to grab Jacob.  We had our Olive Garden leftovers for lunch, and hung out at home for the afternoon.  I think I ended up taking a little nap at one point, and when I woke up, it was gorgeous and sunny out!  It had been drizzly all morning, and I knew possible thunderstorms were coming that evening (just ended up being rain), so this was unexpected.  The weather was nice and warm again--low 60s--so I hustled Carter into the car so we could sneak in a little playground time!  Back we went to the one near Olive Garden! 

It was a little muddy in spots around the mulch and some of the monkey bars and slides were drippy, but Carter was loving getting to play and we made it work. 

I got wet thighs going down the straight slide, but Carter really wanted me to do the twisty one so he went down it himself a few times to try to dry it off a little more--such a gentleman!  Of course, my butt is bigger than his so I ended up just using my black hoodie as extra protection.  We played for probably 30-45 minutes before the clouds came rolling in.  We checked out the older, smaller playground across the lot for a few minutes, but we started to feel drops so it was time to go.  But I'm glad we got a little playground time and were able to enjoy the weather for a bit.  And Carter thanked me for taking him, too.  After that, we drove down the road for our belated trip to Donuts Delite, just as it began to pour.  The new location is so cute.  You may remember the original one from this post--but it's neat to have a new one closer to home!  We had to wait in line for a little bit, but ended up picking out two apple fritters, one chocolate glazed, and one Snickers.  Alas, the amazing HoHo donut that I discovered a couple years ago and had been craving since was not in stock!  Maybe another day.  

I made lasagna for the boys, by request, and after that it was off to drop Jacob at his event.  Carter and I made a stop at Target on the way home and then had a little time to kill before heading back out to pick him up so we just went home.  Carter may be my little buddy but I didn't think we could kill two hours without a revolt from him since he's still not a fan of errands and I couldn't figure out anything fun that I felt like tackling that late at night.

We did church and lunch Sunday before heading to Jacob's practice and scrimmage.  We did a couple quick errands while he was at practice and then arrived in time for the scrimmage.  He did fine, especially considering it's a 9th grade team, but he's definitely still getting in his groove with this team.  His coach is a varsity assistant with his new school, so it's important to make a good impression.  We came home and I made dinner just before Craig got home.  Another week has begun, and the bright spot from my evening of shuttling Jacob to and from practice was finding a new playground Carter and I need to check out in the city, just down the road from the art gallery.  Now if the weather would just cooperate, that would be great.

Anyway, I'm just so grateful that Carter and I have this bond because I think it's something we both need right now especially.  Between the pandemic and how much Jacob has stuff going on, we both need someone to go through it all with.  He needs to be loved and accepted and engaged, and I need lots of hugs.  It's a win-win.  And I'm a lucky mom.