As if we didn't have enough going on to help contribute to the usual fall funk that hits post-Halloween that I mentioned in my last post, the last couple days have given us a solid shove into it a couple days early. As if the cold, rainy weather all week wasn't enough...
Jacob was home sick almost all week. He started sniffling and sneezing on Monday night, and by Tuesday morning it was clear we couldn't send him to school like that. COVID aside, just dealing with a super runny nose with a mask would have been a nightmare. But under these circumstances, there was no way. Well, one day turned into four. On Thursday we took him for a test, figuring we'd at least know by his game today. But alas, that didn't happen. I don't know if testing is slower since cases are up significantly this week, or if it's more that he's a minor and couldn't have his own portal access, so we seem to be at the mercy of the lab to manually send results. Their customer service sends back essentially the same message in questionable English every time, no matter what question I ask. It has to be relatively local so I'm not sure why. Hopefully we get something tomorrow so he's OK to go back to school Monday! Of course, today was Halloween, so that made it a bit more of a bummer.
Thursday was Carter's parent-teacher conference. We knew it could be a rough one, and sure enough, it wasn't great. Maybe even worse than I expected. We knew focus was an issue. We knew his overreactions to any sort of correction were an issue. But I don't think we realized the degree to which the correction issue was happening at school, and we definitely didn't expect to hear that his manners at school have been pretty bad. He tends to not say please or thank you, like when asking someone to open something in his lunch. He gets defensive when someone tries to help him with his work, but also gets mad when he needs to redo something because he wasn't paying attention or wouldn't accept the help that was offered. We see that a lot at home, and unfortunately didn't have much advice to offer the teacher. I know he was having a few minor issues in first grade, but I feel like being away from the school setting for so long made him completely forget how to behave. It felt a little like our Kindergarten conference for Jacob, but at least this teacher tried to be positive and I know she's trying to figure out how to help him rather than just shoving him in a corner. But it was hard not to have much to offer because we don't have any luck at home either. We did let her know that we'll probably be moving toward an ADHD evaluation and shared what we've been through with Jacob, so hopefully she tries to see him through an ADHD lens, rather than just a normal high energy boy lens. I'll admit I felt a hint of PTSD as I relived some of Jacob's struggles in my mind and tried to figure out how to make this better more quickly. I had visions of the endless scales and questionnaires. Of more appointments and doctors. Of the decisions and fears surrounding medication. I barely survived it all the first time around and now have to do it again. I'm sad that this is our reality again because Carter seemed so much more typical as a toddler. With Jacob, we knew early on something was up. With Carter, the issues have only been in the past few years. Maybe it was too much screen time. Maybe it's all the taunting and bullying from his brother. Maybe it's bad parenting. Something changed and I don't know what it was. It all makes me so sad, and this conference made it all the more real. Home school is definitely making the issues more apparent--both because we see them and because he's lacking the consistency of the in-school rules and routines--but it's officially something we need to take action on now.
On the heels of that, yesterday morning I went into the crawl space--in part to survey my cast-off electronics to see if it was worth going to my work's annual e-cycle event, and partly to track down a hand-me-down winter coat for Carter--and I noticed a wet spot on the floor. The last time this happened was six years ago, almost to the day. That time was the day after Halloween, when we had the double doozy of finding a similar crawl space puddle and discovering our garage door spring had broken (actually happened the night before) on the same day. That was an extra rough weekend since we were trapped in our garage for three days. Well, this new puddle seems to have a similar source, right under the dishwasher, at least judging by the puddles on top of the bins under it. I have no idea how long it's been like that, but judging by the corrosion on the bins and the black spots on the floor (mold? mildew? dust? junk leeching out of the floor?). Luckily we now have a go-to plumber to call, who will be here on Monday, but with shortages on almost everything right now, who knows how long it will take to get fixed...or figure out whether we should just finally buy a new one since ours is broken in multiple spots that luckily don't affect its functionality. It's over 10 years old (it came with the house and didn't look particularly new then) so I'm sure it doesn't have long to go. So that sucked.
Add in the election and a rise in COVID cases--not just nationally but locally for a change--and it was a tough week. I was crazy busy at work, and I could tell I wasn't in much of a Halloweeny mood. I guess I felt better when my co-workers all also admitted on a call that we were not feeling any urge to participate in the office-wide costume contest. We were so into it last year with our Mario theme, and this year, nada. It would just be one more thing to stress about. But it sucks we're all feeling this way.
I've had moments recently where this reality gets to me a bit. Like, if you would have told me a year ago that this would be our life--wearing masks, working from home, schooling partly from home, virtual everything, that we'd gotten through multiple months with malls closed, that I'd only have eaten in a restaurant once since March, and that every holiday could be affected...not to mention that we'd live like this for a year or more, and that it's been so heavily politicized that no one can agree on how to manage it...I'd have thought you were literally insane. And yet here we are, stressed out but shockingly well adapted. It's sort of mindblowing if you think about it too much. And yes, it totally stinks that this is our existence, but it honestly could be so much worse. Heck, tonight I read about all the new lockdowns in Europe, and yet people here have the nerve to 1) insist this is just about the election; and 2) complain even though almost everything is open, even if it's not to capacity. I know this has caused hardships. Businesses have lost a ton. It stinks weddings have to be small, restaurants are only at 50%, and theaters are even less (now that they just opened after seven full months), but what's the alternative? Letting things run amok again and shutting down more? No, the death rate isn't what it was but it is still killing people and it's still causing long-lasting health impacts. We'll live our lives as much as we can, but we're not going to be reckless because we don't know what might happen. If you don't care, that's fine, but wear your mask in public because I don't want you endangering me or my family. It's like the difference between seatbelts and DWI. There are laws for both, but only one impacts the safety of others in addition to yourself. By all means, go out to eat, don't sanitize, make fun of masks in your own house if that's your thing...but if your actions can impact me, please at least be considerate in public and wear your mask and try to keep your hands clean. It's not that hard and it's not the beginning of some slippery slope of loss of freedom. I'd have hated to see those people during rationing back in the war years! I'd love to see the kids back in school more than anything, but beyond that, where things are now seem pretty livable to me. But the fact we all carry these weights at all is hard to think about, and it's only going to make this "darker" part of fall a bit harder to manage.
This post took me an extra day to write, so Halloween is just going to have to wait a day or two. More soon--hopefully with COVID test results in hand!
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