Muddling Through

Well, so much for that fresh start.  We're now nearly three weeks into the school year and we seem to be hitting a bit of a wall.  I still think it's probably a lot better than the challenges of the free-for-all that was summer around here, because there's a lot less yelling and not as much frustration with how certain people are spending their time.  But Jacob has been complaining about being tired all week (to the point that I'm asking him if I need to take him for a COVID test or a boatload of bloodwork), I had another rough week of work, and I already feel like two days a week in school for Carter is not nearly enough.  

I'm a little worried about Jacob, but he has no other symptoms and it's possible that the early mornings have started catching up with him after months of sleeping in.  Of course he won't go to bed earlier, so I'm feeling at a bit of a loss on how to proceed.  He still has enough energy to play some basketball, however, so whether it's just a ruse to get a day off ("But mom, the other kids are staying home for a day...") or whether there's more to it, I just don't know.  He said he felt better after sleeping in a bit this morning, but we'll see how he's doing after his game today.  He seems to like school a bit better this year, definitely on the days where most of his friends are in his class, and he seems unphased by all the COVID changes so far.  I periodically see these flashes of a mature, responsible kid and it's pretty amazing...until he forgets to do homework until after bedtime or complains about something that just isn't changing.  It's very much a roller coaster with him.

Carter's learning is going reasonably well, all things considered, but I know he gets more out of in-school days and two days of that doesn't seem like enough.  Right now Wednesday and Thursday when he's home feel like they take forever to pass before he goes back to school.  It all just feels very choppy and inconsistent.  His days at home essentially consist of two short live video meetings (but only one on Wednesday) and a handful of at-home assignments through their learning app.  The app is a pain but we're slowly adjusting to the best ways to use it.  We try to give a lot of breaks in between assignments to manage his attention span and the wiggles.  Sometimes it's very hard to get him to focus on a task, but we're managing, especially if there's two of us, but it normally takes a full-on work break for me to get him through an assignment, because otherwise the questions and problems are endless.  As such, it took a while to get caught up on all of the stuff that got assigned last week and it took effort to stay on target this week.  I think it's hard because either his attention span, patience, or skill level get the best of him.  He's a great reader but if the passage is too long he instantly feels overwhelmed.  His spelling is iffy and when you add a lack of typing skills to that, writing takes forever.  He's also still not very good at being creative with what he writes or how he completes certain activities, so there's a lot of prompting to get him to answer with some effort.  For example, we had to do this cool name thing (had to be as long as him!), and while he was able to do some of it, he needed a lot of guidance for understanding which materials might work best for each letter and how to use certain materials to form the letters properly, because those visualization skills are still coming along.  It's just hard at this age to do the work independently.  I truly believe that peer pressure in class is a key contributor to getting challenging kids to stick with things, and right now that's lacking three days a week.

Pardon the picture quality - we took it (awkwardly from the steps) on his laptop so it was easier to upload to the app, and the laptop camera quality is not great and the image is opposite what you think so positioning is hard!  He used a Slinky (and figured out on his own to anchor it with balls), Hot Wheels cars, magnetic tiles, Pringles cans, stuffed animals, and a mini bat and baseballs.  His teacher liked it so much she highlighted it during a live meeting!

Even with two days a week with fewer interruptions, doing my work from home is still hard.  I had a ton of work to do this week, and while I got it done eventually, I know on home school days in particular I'm a shadow of my former self.  In-school days are better, but there are still distractions and I've decided my entire mindset is simply different in the office.  At bible study on Wednesday, someone mentioned that at-home church just doesn't evoke the same emotions for them that being in church does, and I think it's much the same with work.  It's partly the process--the work and dedication that it takes to get yourself there and sustain yourself all day--and also being in a distinct space where your body and brain are simply trained to function differently.  Home has so many distractions in either case, and it's just not a space where you typically tune home stuff out and focus strongly on something else.  It's both a physical and mental thing, and it's still hard to overcome six months later.  Maybe I should start dressing up and see if I can trick myself?

I think I'm compensating for the stress by controlling whatever I can in other areas.  Last weekend was a major project-based one, from finally getting a middle support for some sagging curtains and setting up fall decor to cleaning up clutter piles and creating a set of hooks for our masks.  I bought new masks at Old Navy for me and for the kids (I wasn't sure who they'd fit better--turns out Carter, but Jacob could wear them if he had to), and the additions made a single hook of storage no longer an option.  We didn't have a lot of spots to hang them near the door in our line of sight, so I needed to create something that would work with that same single hook we'd been using.  It had to fit between our coats and bags.  I saw a really funny saying on Pinterest that I wanted to include, and with a vague design in my head, I ventured out to the Walmart craft department to see what I could find.  The end result used two wooden box "canvases" (hollow boxes without backs) that I knew I could screw little eye hooks into to create a tiered hanging base.  I already had those little screw-ins (the kind you use on picture frames you hang with wire) on hand, and figured I could connect everything with twine or ribbon.  This was the end result:

Since the fronts of the boxes weren't thick like the edges, I decided screw-in hooks for the masks themselves wouldn't work.  I picked up some Command hooks, grabbed some twine, and called it good.  I had paint on hand at home and used a silver Sharpie and a gold gel pen for the lettering.  It says, "Not today, COVID.  Not today."  I lettered our names by each set of masks so Craig wasn't constantly asking whose masks were whose.

It's simple, but it gets the job done.  It's very satisfying to get ready to leave the house and know whose masks are where, or to have a quick reference on whether masks need to be washed or not.  I'm very happy with how it turned out.  Like I've said, it's the little things right now.  I went to Target Wednesday night after bible study, on the off-chance the fifth time would be the charm and I could finally get another set of Jacob's masks after weeks of false "in stock" statuses in the app.  Not only did they finally have the all-black set, but I randomly found a pair of super cute casual slip on shoes (Vans-style, in a beige quilted pattern) for about $7.  I repeat, the little things.

After a very rough day on Wednesday (work and school), all I really wanted was to finish up work and go enjoy the gorgeous day outside.  Craig took both boys to Jacob's basketball training since they wouldn't be home before I had to leave for bible study, so I had a few minutes to sit outside and soak up the sun.  Aside from the creepy discovery earlier in the day of a dead skunk in our yard (and the fact that something subsequently moved it and tore it to pieces), I was very much enjoying the foliage and the warmth.

At the same time, Craig caught this great picture of Carter...

Speaking of Carter, he lost one of his front side teeth (second from center) last night so his smile is officially starting to turn into that awkward bigger kid smile full of odd spacing and teeth of varying sizes.  He had his school picture prior to that last week but told me he forgot to take off his hoodie, so perhaps the "new" smile will end up immortalized if I feel I need to have him do retakes.

I guess the only other thing of note is that fall seems to be arriving a bit more rapidly than usual.  Cold nights and a dry summer are apparently accelerating the leaves changing.  The other day I saw a lovely red tree, and it sort of took my breath away, but not for the reason you'd think.  It really hit me in that moment that fall is here, and an entire summer went by without the usual fanfare.  No trips, no beach, no reunions, few parties, and barely any mini golf or ice cream outings.  Around here we wait so long for summer to arrive and we use the heck out of it, but this year was a bit of a lost opportunity.  I mean, it's odd because my furloughs meant that we were all home and I spent lots more time outside--in the pool, on the porch, tending to my flowers and garden--which was way better than most years where I'm inside almost all day until after dinner.  But the quality of the memories made is different.  We just didn't have those "wow" moments or the continuation of the traditional events we're used to.  So seeing the fall leaves really drove it home that summer has passed and we have a whole nine months to wait again...and who knows if things will be back to normal by then or not.  It's hard.  I had to stop at my office the other day to pick up a shirt from the 5K I participated in, and it broke my heart a bit to see certain areas on the commute that I know turn gorgeous colors in the fall, because I know that I won't see them this year, definitely not daily and likely not at all.  I hope we'll be able to do the pumpkin patch this fall so we salvage at least a few traditions, but we're still not sure what Thanksgiving might look like or how everything else might be affected as the weather gets cold.  Now that schools have been open more than a couple weeks and cases haven't skyrocketed, I'm hopeful, but the bigger test will be when everyone needs to take their meals and parties indoors more regularly.  It's not going away, at least not until a vaccine and natural immunity combine enough to reduce its chance of finding a host, so we still can't let up.  I've definitely made my peace with masks, now more than ever, as it still seems like the best chance we have of living normal lives until things can really get back to more of an "old normal".  If I can do 80% of what I could before, that's okay to me if it means keeping us safe.  I miss work, I wish Carter could go to school more, and I know everyone is still missing movie theaters and mask-free gym time.  We're actually going to try (masked) church tomorrow.  But much more about life feels normal right now than it did four months ago, so for that I am grateful.  

That said, October is less than a week away and I'm sort of in shock over that.  I saw a meme the other day that said, "January, February, Quarantine, December" and that's basically how this year feels--a couple normal months followed by one big block of weirdness.  It's crazy to think how all these months have passed with so few milestones and highlights.  You'd think all of the other changes we've been through would help with the passage of time, but instead it's all just a bit surreal.  One day we left work and school, and things were never the same again.  I hope that means we'll all appreciate normal whenever we get back to something that resembles it--like how kids seem to appreciate being back in school again--but it all seems so far away still.  One day at a time has definitely been my mantra, and it's still true.  But I guess for now we'll try to load up on cider, donuts, and pumpkins, and hope for the best.