- We've been dealing with a lot of pest issues. A couple weeks ago I discovered tiny ants in our kitchen, which tends to happen every other year or so. That issue is nearly done, after a couple weeks and a combination of homemade traps and store-bought ones. Just a couple stragglers left, if that. We've had an ongoing minor carpenter ant issue. We've killed maybe a dozen and a half in the last couple months. Clearly they're around somewhere, but given that they've showed up in almost every room of the house, we have no idea where they're coming from, which makes them even harder to treat. Then we also had a week or so where we killed three or four giant wasp-looking yellow jacket things. Might be a type of hornet, but no, not the murder hornets that are apparently a thing now. While it's been stressful thinking about these things, the last pest has literally kept me up at night. Four times in a week, I woke up in the night and could hear noises in the attic. It sounded bigger than a mouse, but I knew we didn't have any major holes where a bigger rodent could get in. I would lay awake for a couple hours just worrying about what damage it might be doing. We had a couple exterminators in this week and it turned out to be mice after all. They had made some pretty good trails up there, and while the one guy played it up a lot to clean up the poop and nests by replacing the insulation (same thing that happened when we had mice at our old house--and how did I not blog about that? I was pregnant at the time and totally freaked out!), we ultimately just had a guy lay baits and plug holes on Thursday. Hopefully that will be the beginning of the end and I can get better sleep at night.
- I'm still having a lot of trouble processing all of the racial tensions in our country right now. I worry about my own response, the government's response, all the tensions in our society, and the people that don't seem to care. I have learned so much about systemic racism and white privilege over the past couple years, and I've appreciated a lot of the memes and videos that have been posted recently. I want to teach my kids well, but it's hard to know what to say when they're growing up among a rainbow of kids and don't know why anyone would ever be racist in the first place. I know we need to do a better job about explaining white privilege to them, but I know both (especially Jacob) would advocate for their friends. I just keep looking at the boy across the street and worry about the day he goes from a sweet little boy to a man who people fear. I worry about the backlash against cops while at the same time worrying about issues within law enforcement that allow bad cops to remain on the job. I'm annoyed that rioters and looters took away from the message of real protesters. I'm mostly annoyed at my Facebook friends that are posting things that take away from the movement--including isolated black perspectives that don't represent the larger population. I want to tell them off (and early on I did) but I don't want to ruin friendships by constantly nagging on their views (especially since we were fine for a long time). It's just frustrating to see closed minds that refuse to consider that things might slant toward white people here and there. One posted about how cops don't bother you if you don't break the law, but we all know from history that plenty of black people have been killed by cops (or gun owners) without doing anything wrong. How blind can you be? People that insist that affirmative action or diversity quotas have evened the playing field just don't seem to understand how micro-aggressions (offhand comments or bullying) or simple social burdens (like knowing a white neighborhood might not be welcoming) could build up over time and cause the anger and frustration that's been coming out in the recent protests. Why it's so hard to just care and be considerate of people no matter their color, I don't know.
- Coronavirus is still a thing, and it's starting to weigh on me in different ways. We've moved into phase three, which means that restaurants can have indoor dining at 50% capacity and nail salons can open. As things loosen up, I worry people will let up on their distancing and their mask usage. Facebook photos are confirming that theory, as I've seen a lot of pictures of jubilant groups of friends getting together for parties and drinks and golf. No masks, all squished together for a group picture. I know that outdoor activities are safest, so maybe they're fine, but long durations of time can still be dangerous. I have no desire to go to a restaurant, church, or even a store. Wegmans in a mask is fine (and necessary), but I'm not sure about something like clothes browsing. Churches are starting to open (thankfully not ours), but those are already known to spread the virus, so it's nervewracking that things might spread more readily. Many other areas that have opened up with fewer restrictions have seen surges again, which is disheartening. I'm starting to worry about school in the fall, because I can't figure out how it will ever work. I wonder how all these professional sports will go when everyone's gathered together and swapping bodily fluids. I'm worried about the holidays, when we once again need to be indoors and shouldn't be gathered together. There's an off-chance there could be a vaccine by then, but it's probably not going to happen, so it could be a lonely Thanksgiving and Christmas. Jacob has been frustrated because his basketball season went off the rails when most of his teammates decided not to play, but it seems like there's a glimmer of hope now to at least be on a team. I'm happy for him, but it worries me. We can't live like this for a year (or can we?), so we need to find a way to live with this. Masks seem to be the only option (assuming they do work), but it's intimidating to think about all of the limitations we could have moving forward.
- The last two weeks of work have been exhausting. Beyond our big giving day getting completely blown to shreds last week, this week we had to clean up that mess and my boss was on furlough, so it made for a challenging week. I had two major data projects that both had complications, and I was also trying to keep multiple other projects moving and attend to my units and a couple of my boss' units. It was exhausting and I didn't even shut down my computer until 9:30 last night because I was trying to wrap up one more project (so my boss wouldn't have to) and write up an email updating her on everything I did and what she might need to follow up on. It was a lot to process. I woke up earlier this week with a rash all over my face. It's almost like hives, and I wondered if the stress from work and mice and the kids came out in that way. Oddly enough, this morning I woke up and parts of it were much better, so maybe furlough this week will be the relief I need. On the bright side, our big boss did send my boss an email last night singing my praises, so that was nice. But I won't lie, these two weeks took a lot out of me. And even better than getting a week off is that I can finally get back to some house projects and get those long-standing monkeys off my back, which will lighten my overall load, too.
- This list wouldn't be complete without mentioning the kids. Things may be worse than ever, for a lot of reasons. It should probably be its own post. But the stress of that is putting me close to the edge most days. Between Carter's challenges and Jacob's reaction to him, it's a recipe for disaster. And after being stuck in this house for nearly three months, we as parents are having a harder time figuring out how to deal with it all without making us all even more nuts. But suffice it to say it's a contributing factor. More on that soon.
So among all of those things, it's been a heck of a ride lately. But I think I'm ready to get off! I really do hope this week off is helpful to get a few things worked out. And maybe I'll get a little more sleep, too.
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