Savoring the Moment

Lately Jacob says at least once (or maybe a dozen times) a day that he can't wait until Christmas and just wants it to be here now.  I, on the other hand, am in a quiet panic about Christmas being two weeks away.  We still have a lot of gifts to get and I need to start thinking about things like food to bring with us, when I need to drag out wrapping paper, and any last minute stuff I just haven't remembered to think of yet.  It's going to be here so fast.  But it's clearly not fast enough for him.  He wants it here and done so he can have his presents and start playing with them.

As we were working on the gingerbread houses the other day, it hit me that his hardcore focus on the presents is really such a fleeting thing.  I mean, let's face it--every kid is like that.  We all wanted Christmas to hurry up--the advent calendar windows couldn't be opened soon enough, all because we couldn't wait for presents.  I remember the struggle.  And yet, as much as I loved my presents, you know what day I probably disliked the most?  December 26.  I hated waking up on the 26th and realizing it was over.  Yes, I was thrilled to play with my toys and that always softened the blow.  But the 26th always bummed me out.  Now that I'm a grown-up, I totally understand why.

The best part of Christmas is the build-up.  The anticipation of what presents you might get, seeing the light displays, hearing the music, all of the Christmas pageants and parties, so much good food--everything is simply more sparkly and exciting this time of year, and all of it pretty much peaks before Christmas even happens.  And yes, the day itself is awesome, but the days before are where the fun really gets cranking.

As you grow up, presents for yourself become a lot less prominent in the Christmas landscape.  They're nice, yes, and Christmas wouldn't be the same without those exchanges.  But particularly as a parent, you start deriving more joy from watching other happy people open your gifts than anything else.  It has never bothered me that there are no Christmas presents under the tree for me on our Christmas (Eve) morning...well, aside from some charming homemade craft from the kids.  I'm so excited to watch them get excited about their gifts that I don't even miss having some of my own.  Maybe part of that is just respect for the institution of parenthood and being proud to take on the same observatory role my parents did all those years.  It's probably also my aversion to "stuff" that I've talked about here before, but oddly that doesn't stop me from enjoying the kids--at least not at our house!  But I think it's really just the joy of watching them get so excited.  Nothing else compares.

Because presents become less important, other things need to step up.  I think that's where traditions come in.  As you get older you have so many great memories to look back on that fill that void just fine.  I think that's why so many of us try like crazy to get our kids into holiday traditions--whether it's visiting Santa (ummm, never been a thing for us, though) or making gingerbread houses or driving around to look at lights.  For me, it was spending a lot of time at church and a lot of time with family.  We had a lot of school traditions too, from Advent programs and making a gift for our parents, to Christmas caroling to shut-ins and the inevitably awkward class gift exchange.  All of those things did a decent job of filling time before the big day, but who knew that those would be the things that mean the most now.  The gifts were great and I have wonderful memories of a handful of precious ones I received.  But I remember the setting around those gifts more than anything--the chaos of cousins at Grandma and Grandpa's, the mess of wrapping paper and smell of cinnamon rolls at our house Christmas morning, or the excitement of doing our Christmas party at school and knowing Christmas break was just hours away.  Heck, the other day I was even recalling the lack of Christmas spirit I usually felt this time of year at college when I was studying like a maniac for exams and all we could muster for Christmas spirit was some dorm room décor and Christmas carols on the oldies radio station in the evenings.  It all becomes something special all these years down the road.

That's why I have been trying to impart to Jacob that he should start focusing a little less on the presents and try to embrace other traditions.  Try to enjoy the Sunday School Christmas program, do the Advent calendar, look at the ornaments on the tree, be patient when we drive to see Christmas lights, and especially enjoy these years while you still have all your grandparents and time with your cousins.  Someday the gifts you had to have will fade away--either be sent to off to charity or be packed away only to reemerge for your own kids--but those memories will stay.  I know it's normal for a kid to be obsessed with the gifts, so I try to be patient, but I hope some day he understands and appreciates all we try to do this time of year.

Another thing I realized is that all my worrying in early parenthood about whether my kids' memories of Christmas itself would be as good as my own has slowly faded away.  I do still worry (see above) that they're probably not getting the same saturation as I had as a kid when it comes to school or church activities, or even some home traditions (they're boys, for one), but now that we've been at this parenting thing for 11 Christmases, my concerns with our odd Christmas schedule have faded away.  I was always sad my kids wouldn't have the same kind of Christmas morning memories that I did, because we never wake up in our own house on Christmas day.  But you know what?  We've now made our own memories, and they seem to be just fine with the kids.  I'll admit I'm not sure how it would have gone had we continued to try to do gifts on the afternoon of the 23rd when the kids came home from daycare/school, in an effort to get to Buffalo early.  But now that we've comfortably settled on waking up on the 24th to morning presents and cinnamon rolls, it's clear the kids love it.  After a couple hours of fun, we aim to get on the road by lunchtime, hit up church in the late afternoon (if we didn't already cover it at home, which we did the last two years), and then start the family time with Aunt Marie's house first, followed by our exchange with Craig's immediate family to finish off the evening.  Then it's early afternoon Christmas Day with my parents and later with my dad's extended family.  This year we should actually be staying at my parents' house for Christmas Eve, which I haven't done since before I got married!  There may not be a treeful of gifts Christmas morning, but I might still make my kids sit in their pajamas at the top of the stairs, just because that's what we used to do in that house.  Or maybe I'll sneak an extra gift there for each of them as motivation!  Another new tradition in the making? :) 

Anyway, it amazed me to realize that we'd been at this long enough that we've officially blazed our own trail.  This is the stuff that's going to be the kids' Christmas traditions to look back on, and it's becoming just as special to them as my traditions are to me!  All that worrying for nothing--ha!  I know I can't force my kids to stop fixating on presents--we've all gone through it--but I do hope that they take a few moments here and there to realize that there's more to Christmas if they can look up from the presents for a moment.  Remember the family time, the lights, the sounds, and the joy that just seems to envelop the holiday.  Santa's great, but it's that stuff that truly make it magical!