Sooo...lately I seem to be having a problem with select reality TV shows. Specifically, I'm having a jealousy issue. It's completely ridiculous, irrational, and short-sighted. It's the epitome of "the grass is always greener." But darn it, it's bugging me, and this week it's been worse. I'm jealous of the giant families on reality TV, namely the Duggars and Bates. And yes, I know this is nuts, but hear me out. I have legitimate reasons. And while I know there are many real-life reasons to counteract the ones I see on my side of the screen, just indulge me for a couple minutes, OK? Here are the reasons I'm jealous of these two mega-families:
1) They are close in age and have things in common - My brother and I are four years apart. It's not a lot, but I think it's sort of a pivotal span for a couple reasons. First, we were never in high school or college at the same time. He was leaving, and I was coming in. Even when we were in the same school from K-8, usually K-4 did their thing and 5-8 did theirs. It was rare that we had major shared experiences outside of life at home. Also, I feel like four years is enough to have significantly different lives, but not enough of a span to have a mentor-type relationship. You know, you hear about the families with a 10-year-old whose best little buddy is their baby sibling because they can teach them everything. I think particularly because we're different genders and our gap was smaller, it just didn't work out that way. To this day we're not close. We don't have any specific issues, but we just live very different lives aside from both having kids that are similar ages. Geography, interests, general way of life...all just different. It is what it is. We should do better, and maybe someday we will. But for now I'll just be jealous of these families with lots of kids close in age, all living a very specific kind of life and having to band together for support in a society that's decidedly different from them. They need that moral support, and luckily they have an army of siblings (and friends--including the other family) to do that. They have such a unique shared life experience, and that alone has to bond them more than a typical set of siblings.
2) They're all getting married and having babies together - I know there was one who started earlier, but they're still having babies, too. There will be many more down the line, too, but with groups this large, there's bound to be overlap for pretty much everyone. And that's pretty awesome. I grew up with a bunch of cousins within a few years of me on one side of the family, and that was the best! Alas, of all of my cousins within that span, I'm the only one with kids. Of the ones outside that realm, the kids are either out of town or older. My eight-years-younger cousin is due in a month, but now Carter is already five years older than that baby. Long story short, my kids don't have a lot of cousins on my side to grow up with, and Carter's sort of out of luck on the other side, too. But within the Duggars and Bates, they have more cousins than they know what to do with. Most of them will always have someone close in age, and that's really cool. And it's awesome for them as parents, too, since they have people to commiserate with, pass their kids off to for a playdate while they have date night, or to double date with. It would just be nice to know you have multiple options for all of it, and your kids will always have built-in buddies.
3) They're young and innocent - Last week was the Joseph and Kendra Duggar wedding episode. It was actually a little weird watching it and knowing they're now halfway through their first pregnancy, but it was clear how young and excited they were then. To be in your late teens and early 20s with your whole life ahead of you...it's such a special time. But to be madly in love and getting married? Forget about it. Best thing ever. I feel like they're also in a unique position because they seem to be comfortable financially, which isn't usually the case at that age. I assume it's because of the shows and that many of the boys work with their dads, but since there's no expectation for the women to work, there's no doubt they're cool. Add in that they seem willing to have kids right away and they're clearly more advanced than most people their age. But they're still so wide-eyed and excited at the same time, and it's sweet. And from my perspective, so many years removed from that stage, that sounds so nice. Also, knowing how hard I tried to be good back when I was in college in particular, I can relate to their "no kissing before marriage" thing and how hard it is. I can't imagine what it's like to not kiss your spouse until you're married to them, nor can I imagine what happens when it's time to move right on to sex immediately! But it's cute to see them be all nervous about it, and that whole first kiss feeling was pretty great, so good for them! I guess when you feel like you're stuck in a challenging rut, it's nice to live vicariously.
4) Their faith is central to their lives - I'll admit I'm jealous of how dedicated they are to their faith. It's at the core of everything they do, and it's clear how fulfilling it is for them. I wish that I could be like that. I have a hard time finding the time to do a daily devotional, and it's not always easy to bring my faith into my daily life--at least, not when I spend most of the day focused on work and the rest frustrated by my kids. I should do better. We do pray at meals and bedtime, and go to church and Sunday School, but clearly that's not enough. Our first instinct should always be faith and prayer, and that's simply not always the case. But with these families, there is no question. It is the focus of their lives from birth. Of course, based on Josh Duggar, it's not perfect--there are some issues that need attending to--but I admire people that have such a strong faith that will carry them through whatever life brings.
5) They seem very content - For all these reasons above, it just seems like they're all in this peaceful, content stage of life. They're excited about marriage, excited about kids, and just cool with life in general, whatever it may bring. Like I said, I feel like I'm in a bit of a frustrating rut--challenging kids, hardly any adventure, lots of obligations--so seeing people who seem genuinely joyful about daily life is inspiring.
Look, I know that behind every one of these stories is a shaken faith, bratty child, sleepless night, sick kid, or (at least in one case) an unfaithful spouse. And their lives are clearly much different than mine even on the best day, and who knows what that's really like. But apparently there's nothing like unbridled excitement and optimism, and when it's so blatantly obvious in watching someone, it's hard for that to not make you long to have the same thing. Particularly when your day-to-day life is, shall we say, not so optimistic. Maybe it's escapism, but for now it seems harmless. I'm happy for all of them and I wish them nothing but continued joy. Hopefully watching them will bring back memories of when we were in those stages and it'll give me a new appreciation for how far we've come. I'll take what I can get.
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