Not My Favorite...But...

This was a tough Halloween.  As I alluded to in my last post, we got some very bad news on Monday night.  My cousin Lisa, who is the daughter of my uncle who passed away a little over a year ago, lost her 13-year-old son to an ATV accident.  He was a very sweet boy, and while we never got to spend much time with him since they live in Kentucky, it is clear what a terrible tragedy this is.  I can't even fathom what they're going through.  He leaves behind two sisters, one very close in age.  The family has strong faith and a good support network, but this is still unthinkable.  They've been on my mind constantly and it made for a rather rough Halloween day.  I didn't sleep well overnight, and I'm in the middle of a very tough stretch at work.  So, between my sadness and my workload, it made enjoying the Wizard of Oz wonderland inside our office suite (courtesy of the other departments--ours is too swamped right now) pretty difficult.  Carter decided to stay at his daycare party instead of coming to my office this year, and without a costume myself, it just wasn't a very remarkable day.  I just felt so terrible that someone (actually multiple someones, but specifically my cousin who I've known forever) was living a nightmare at that moment, and I'm just sitting there at my desk doing my normal thing like nothing's wrong.  It felt indulgent to even be able to do a manageable job of that, but inside it was killing me. I had a couple teary moments (like when their Facebook posts announcing things went up), but I tried very hard to focus.

On a side note, it's funny how the brain processes these things.  From the moment I heard, my brain went into overdrive, and every single thought about it was so deeply heartbreaking.  It kept me up a good chunk of the night.  Over the course of the day, I could tell that my brain was processing it further, but I sort of feel like it throws up some coping mechanisms (almost like rationalizing some stuff or subconsciously assuming things) to make it hit me less dramatically.  Clearly the situation hasn't changed and it's still gutting to think about, but I truly think my brain is rewiring itself a bit to force me to not think as deeply right now.  I have to function normally right now, even though a part of me wants to spend every second crying and mourning with them.

Anyway, once I got home it was time to get in trick-or-treat mode.  I had to get the pumpkins ready to go on the porch...

Here's the white one, now carved!

And after dinner I rushed around getting myself and the kids changed and ready to go out.  I had to figure out how to layer Carter for the low-40 degree weather, find gloves and hats, and finally a second candy receptacle since we only have one pumpkin.  Perhaps I will have to check Target for clearance this week, as you just can't beat the pumpkin bucket.  Bags are too hard to open with gloves on, FYI.

Finally the boys were ready.  I opened up Carter's accessory, his dollar store glow stick sword that Jacob and I saw when we stopped there last week.  Of course we had to take a couple pictures...

Goof balls!  Jacob's gun is a wooden one he got at Old Fort Niagara.  Not exactly period appropriate, but he was good with it.

And a nice smiley picture...yay!

Once the pumpkins were lit, it was time to head out!

I would consider this our best year of trick-or-treating yet!  Both boys were into it, they were relatively well-mannered, and they actually didn't do anything stupid to each other while we were out.  Jacob could have been a little more courteous and concerned for his brother instead of running ahead, and maybe Carter could have rung a few more doorbells if he wasn't lagging behind, but for the most part they were great!  I even took this picture because it's so rare to see them acting like real brothers who love each other.  It all felt so...functional.

Our route took us around to the next street over, on which I had noticed a super decorated house.  But we hit a good chunk of eligible houses along the way, so the boys did rather well in the process of getting there.  And sure enough, when we finally got there, it did not disappoint

I can't even begin to count how many things they had, from a dragon to ghosts to a pirate ship to a minion...and lots of stuff in between.  And there were lots of lights projecting on the house.  People were even taking pictures in front of stuff!

By the time we got there, Carter's feet were starting to tire out, so we headed back home.  Jacob emptied his bag and he and I went back out, this time hitting up our street on both sides.  By the time we got back to our house, Jacob needed a bathroom break, but then we went back out one more time to try to hit up the one house around the corner I remember having full-size candy.  We hit up about five houses on that leg, and while that house didn't do full-size, they did do a bag of multiple pieces, so Jacob deemed it worthwhile.  By then it was 8:30 and we headed home.

And this is Jacob's haul...

Of course, then we had the task of clearing out the gluten and trading him our leftovers, and it was a pretty significant pile between the Twizzlers, Twix, Nestle Crunch, Whoppers, Kit Kats, and Milky Ways (darn you, malt).  Luckily we had a lot of leftovers and I had overbought with his favorite stuff just in case, so he made out pretty well.  So did Carter, even with a shorter walk. 

All in all it was a nice evening and it really picked up the slack from the rest of my rough day.  I'll admit I felt guilty for having fun while my family is suffering, but I know they'd never begrudge us that fun and would probably tell us to soak up every possible moment.  So we did.  My heart is so sad and I'm not going to be able to make the funeral for multiple reasons, so all I can do is pray and hug my kids a little tighter.