News & Notes, No News is Good News Edition

I realized that it's been over a week since I posted and I better post something before the past couple weeks are lost in my brain.  I mean, we've been home both weekends so there isn't a lot to report, but I always feel like I should check in regardless.  I guess it's not a bad thing that things are generally a bit more calm, since things will likely only get busier from here!

Two weekends ago, it was pretty quiet as a whole.  I spent a good chunk of the day Saturday doing yard work since it was reasonably cool.  I really needed to start hacking away at bushes on the side of the house--many of the ones that I'd like to pull out when we get someone here to take care of the dead one (and its neighbors) in the front--but they were out of control and needed attending to until we figure out our plans.  I really hacked away at them with the electric clippers, taking off basically as much as I could without stripping areas bare.  Check out the little friend I found while trimming the evergreens near the giant rhododendrons!  I have no idea where it came from but the picture doesn't do it justice--it was so silvery and vivid sea green!

Then I decided to try to clean up parts of our massive rhododendrons, and then had to do two bushes flanking our patio with the manual clippers because our outlets back there don't like the electric one.  After all of that, I still needed to clear out baby trees and dead branches from our way back.  It gets easily overgrown and I need to cut what I can while the trees are skinny enough for our branch cutter.  Apparently the utility company cut away branches from the wires a while ago but never cleaned up.  It was a mess and you could see all the dead leaves caught in the other foliage.  I kept adding to the pile here and there in the next two weeks before town brush collection, wounding myself with scratches and gouges, including when I finally dragged it out to the curb over half a dozen trips.  And of course, when the town finally came and got it, they left a huge hole in our front lawn trying to pick up the last few branches.  Ugh.

You can't really tell, but the pile is about eye level to me!

Even with cooler weather it was exhausting and that seemed to knock me out for most of the weekend.  I didn't even make it in the pool Sunday because I was just too tired!  But the work I did was really important to keeping our house decent.  There's still the matter of the bushes on the other side of the house, but I can't really reach those anyway, so...those will wait until a day when it's cooler again and my brain can think through some options and how to make them presentable.

Carter's soccer team finally won a game on Monday.  They played against the other team from our same organization (all the other games had been against teams from other organizations and towns), which included Carter's school buddy Ben that he played with last year, and miraculously they finally won!  It was fun to see and of course we ended up going out for ice cream after with his teammate and longtime friend Elias.  Winners get ice cream, after all!

Carter has been doing well with his summer camp program.  He's enjoyed the field trips to the Rochester Museum and Science Center (the one we went to in April) and Strong Museum.  Some of the stuff on other days is predictably "boring" but it's still better than the screen time battle at home.  He's currently a little upset because he didn't keep up with his online summer school during week one and is insisting that between soccer, camp, and Jacob hassling him to play FIFA Soccer on the Xbox, it's all too much.  But soccer will be slowing down and I think if he's intentional about spending some time a few evenings a week, he'll be fine.  We both agreed that it was helpful heading into the school year last year, so I'd like to see him see it through.

Jacob has been dealing with some injuries over the past couple weeks.  First he got hit in the head with an errant half-court shot that might have given him a mild concussion based on some minor recurring headaches afterward, and then he tweaked his knee.  We're currently waiting on an MRI to make sure nothing tore, but he's been taking it easy lately since it still gets sore when he does a more strenuous workout.  That's been frustrating since there are camps we'd like him to be attending (both for his sake and mine as I work from home), but we don't want to put too much strain on it and camps are usually pretty intense.  Dealing with him all day is not my favorite, if I'm being honest.  I miss having full control of the TV and not getting annoyed by his odd meal times and the mess he leaves behind.  It is probably the biggest motivator for getting back to the office with some regularity.

We started back to two days a week at work after the holiday and I did manage to work two days in the office last week.  It helped that they had the poutine truck there one day and we had our new boss in town the next day, but it was definitely more tiring than it used to be and I still question how valuable it is if we're all there on different days or not doing things together like meetings when we are there.  But a little bit of normalcy was nice, and it was good to see people, even if it was harder than I expected to make it through the full day.  I will admit that I prefer to use my screen breaks for useful things like laundry and dishwasher loading, or maybe plant watering, and I miss that at the office.  Of course, yesterday morning I woke up sneezy with a bit of a drippy nose so who knows if I will make it in this week.  I was hoping it was allergies after a long day outside on Sunday, but it's hung in there just a bit and I suppose it could be anything after all that human contact last week!  I tested negative this morning and have been trying to keep it at bay with zinc.  I've actually been wondering if I'm fighting something off because for the last week--ever since I did the bushes--I've been having trouble finding the energy to work out.  We have had a couple busy evenings between soccer and errands (and the boys' Xbox use monopolizing my basement workout space), so that didn't help.  I have also picked up an enjoyable but probably unwise cold brew coffee habit that might be contributing.  I think I mentioned I bought a brewing pitcher at Aldi recently and it has been really nice having iced coffee most days, but it has left me wondering if I'm giving myself a caffeine problem--either getting addicted in the morning or having trouble when it wears off later.  I might switch to decaf for my weekly pitcher brew and keep the caffeinated stuff for Japanese cold brew on demand when I need it.  Japanese cold brew is made by pouring hot (but not boiling) water over coffee grounds directly on to ice, cooling it immediately.  It can be made a cup at a time in about 15 minutes so that might work better to keep the caffeine for only when I need it, and do it cheaper than my Starbucks Frappucino bottles that I've previously kept on hand for that purpose.  Regardless of the cause, I'm definitely going through yet another phase where functionality isn't my strong suit.  I suppose I'm desperately in need of a vacation, but there's still a whole half of summer standing between me and that--and that probably won't be that restful either.

I'm currently stressing over the Disney trip as it's becoming more apparent that Disney has changed significantly from our last trip and you now get nickel-and-dimed at every turn.  Apparently you can't ride most things without paying extra for additional services to time your rides and beat the lines.  It's all overwhelming to me and I know I need to get a Disney Travel Planner on the case but I'm currently burying my head in the sand.  I did finally post about it on Facebook and I think one of my friends can help me soon, but that means I need to get our priorities straight.  I also have to get working on Jacob's school uniforms and Carter's viola rental as well, so I am not adulting very well at all right now.

I took an unplanned half day on Friday because I didn't have enough work to do...or at least didn't want to do the leftover random tasks I've had sitting on my list for a while.  My boss did the same thing.  We were waiting on reporting we need for our year-end tasks but it hadn't arrived yet.  I didn't do much with the time--I watered my flowers, harvested from my garden, and picked up Carter a little early so we could swim before dinner--so nothing too exciting, but I guess it wasn't a bad start to the weekend.  I guess I'll pick this spot to add some gratuitous flower shots:

One of the first pretty zinnias!

A new flower!  This is nasturtium, and despite planting it in multiple pots, this is the only plant that is flowering.

The light pink astilbe we have is pretty but the red is stunning--my aunt once told me this was one of my grandma's favorites.

The front porch hanging plants that I cobbled together have been so-so.  I think they look pretty from afar but they have been inconsistent--sometimes they look a little sparse and then they make a comeback.  They got attacked by aphids early on and the verbena like the one above never seemed to recover in one pot.  It's alive but not flowering.  So I appreciate when the other ones do!  

A lot of what's in our way back seems to be dying off, most likely from the black walnut that apparently poisons things around it, but these day lilies are still hanging in there!

My hydrangea surprised me by having blooms this year (I suspected it was an every-other-year bloomer after it was a dud two years ago), and while it's not quite as full of them as last year, what's there is lovely.  Can you tell some of them are blue and purple? 

The blue blossoms mean a lot to me because I had them in my bridal flowers and they were also prominently displayed at the Bellagio on our honeymoon.   I can't wait to put some coffee grounds out there and try to bring more blue next year!

I love when they get that perfect "crown"

I have mixed feelings about bachelor buttons.  The picture on the front of the seed packet always sucks me in.  Their greenery looks a little weedy but the flowers are pretty cool.  I don't think I had this bright pink color last year.

We had two soccer games this weekend for the annual "Soccer Fest", which feels a little like a tournament but less intense.  We had one game per morning and while it wasn't super convenient to get moving early-ish both days, it was nice not being held hostage all day like regular tournaments.  Both days were quite warm and sunny, even at 10am.  They played the team they previously beat on both days, and they ended up tying the first game and winning the second.  Carter came up big in the second game, helping to set up a play that led to the first goal and then getting taken down by this giant kid as he went in on goal, which led to a penalty kick that they scored on.  He didn't get to take the kick, which was a little bit of a bummer, but we were just happy they got a goal out of it and it helped them win.  

Most of the team minus Carter's friend Elias who missed the game and another kid who ran off before it was clear a picture was happening

We had another game last night (a rather ugly loss that started very rainy) and another tomorrow to wrap up the season.  I can't say I'm sad about that, but I do wish fall soccer was an option to keep him in soccer mode.  For that season only, the U10s get lumped in with the U13s and that is definitely not a good idea when your U10 is slightly undersized.  I originally wasn't sure I wanted him to play next spring since he seemed to be struggling so much early in this season, but it turns out it was mostly his position--defense is not his strong suit but he does better at midfield.  I think his play since he convinced the coach to switch him has warranted giving it one more season.  It will probably never be a "thing" for him like basketball is for Jacob so I think we ride it out until it's clear other kids are putting in more time and effort than he's willing to give, and it shows in his play.  I never want him to be the weak link, so as long as he's at least in the middle of the pack (or willing to start putting in extra effort to improve), we can keep going.

After the game on Saturday, we grabbed lunch for the road and drove to Buffalo.  Craig's dad has been in the hospital and he wanted to go see him.  We were just going to wait in the van.  There is a monkeypox case in the hospital and with COVID and masking and whatever else, we just figured we'd wait out there.  At least we had a DVD player there!  After a few minutes in, Craig suggested we drive around and kill some time that way, so we did.  I figured we could go check out the Japanese garden near the art and history museums, then drive around the Buff State campus for Jacob's inevitable critique of their facilities.

The garden was lovely.  There were two wedding parties there taking pictures, so we just walked the path past them and I grabbed pictures when I could.  

I asked for a picture of them and it took multiple asks to get better than this.  But we can pretend it was a nice, thoughtful moment and they weren't directly disobeying me...haha.

Not bad...

On our walk back, we wandered up to the back of the history museum.  The boys went there with their cousins years ago but I somehow have never been!

Had I known what the rest of the day would look like, I probably would have tried to stay there and visit!  Maybe someday.  Buff State is right across the street so we drove through the campus (not very photogenic, for sure) and then passed by the art gallery under construction across the way.  I last visited that gallery on my 36th birthday and it's been closed for a couple years for a major renovation and expansion.  I can't wait to go there when it's done next year.  What's there now already looks really interesting and the whole property will be pretty transformed (complete with a new name) by the time it's done.  

We went back toward the hospital but ended up taking a detour to McDonald's first.  I figured some slushies might help pass the time, and in fact we ended up in a drive-thru debacle that rivaled the Ithaca Taco Bell disaster--more in wait time than order issues, but it was frustrating when one vehicle sat at the window for a solid 10-15 minutes with no activity.  Then we went back to the hospital, but the entire rest of the afternoon into dinner time became one wait after another, waiting for this specialist or that procedure.  Craig's mom appreciated him being there just in case his dad had a rough time with any of it, which has been known to happen.  Admittedly, as much as we knew the importance of what he was doing, by the end we were getting pretty stir-crazy.  Had we known from the beginning we could have done any number of other things to kill the time, but we kept thinking he was almost done (and at one point he had taken our parking ticket to pay it on his way back out so we were sort of trapped there), so we didn't want to get into something else only to have to come back right away.  We shouldn't have worried.  Ugh.  When he was finally done, we stopped on the way home to grab dinner and got home just in time to decompress and go to bed!

Sunday was soccer game #2, and we wrapped that up, ran home, ate some form of quick lunch, and then hopped back in the car to drive to Brockport to see our nephew play in the championship game of a baseball tournament.  It's nice when they're playing nearby and we can go watch their sports.  It was a hot day but we managed with Craig's canopy chair and our chair umbrellas left over from our lacrosse tournament days.  The good news is that we got to see our nephew hit a three-run double to give his team the lead and the eventual win!  

The bad news is that Carter ran out of screen time, got bored, refused more screen time or Craig's phone (I don't know why--he doesn't like his screen time average to get too high but it's rare he refuses Craig's phone since that doesn't count), and made himself a nuisance kicking around the rocks and dirt under our chairs.  He refused to stop and just kept complaining, so of course he eventually lost his phone for the week, which only made him more miserable.  I tried to encourage him to get a hold of himself because continued bad behavior would eliminate the possibility of negotiating an earlier end to his phone ban, but we've been struggling ever since with him basically having a big kid tantrum over losing it.  It's like a return to his pandemic self, which has not been fun.  Add in frustration with remote summer school and his usual battles with Jacob and it's been a bit of a rough couple days.  I told him that if I saw an improvement on Tuesday we could consider Wednesday, but Monday night was rough for a few reasons and I'm just not sure I want to reinforce the behavior I've been seeing thus far.  I know it's hard for him, but learning a little patience and grace under distress would go a long way.  Jacob has been getting on him for crying about things lately--from the phone issue to losing at FIFA, and while I don't love that that's how he expresses his frustration at this age, I keep reminding Jacob (and myself) that people express anger and frustration differently and we need to patiently try to work through that.  Telling him to suck it up and stop being a baby isn't really helpful.  I'm trying to adjust little things at home to make him more independent and empowered, which isn't easy given some of his ADHD challenges, but I feel like learning how to do those things will give him some extra big kid confidence.  I also think Carter and I are due for some better quality bonding time via a new adventure, since that's what usually seems to settle him a bit and remind him that I have his back.  When he feels that sort of security, he's usually happier kid.  I feel bad that he's struggling right now but I don't think he even understands why so it's hard to fix.

We did sneak in some pool time after the game, but as usual the weekend never feels long enough.  Hopefully with a hot week ahead we'll get some additional pool time during the week.  The next couple weekends have some fun plans, so now I just have to hope these cold symptoms hold off so this weekend happens as planned.  I'm trying really hard to not wish away summer, but a couple lackluster pandemic summers make me want to cram in as much action as possible this year.  A couple weekends at home--useful as they've been--make me antsy to do more, but work and my post-pandemic energy level are throwing wrenches into that plan.  I still want to do something else before our big trip, maybe a long weekend somewhere, but good luck cramming that in.  But if I have to watch another "Family Guy" marathon I think I might run away anyway, so...  

When Your Brain Needs to be Retrained

Despite the pandemic feeling mostly over--new antibody-evading COVID variant aside--I still struggle to feel normal, and lately I've been pondering why that's the case.  I rarely mask aside from church or basketball tournaments.  The kids had full school years and Carter's back at summer camp.  Craig's been mostly in the office all year and had a normal travel schedule.  We've seen family a lot and gotten back to a lot of normal things, like school and work events.  Most of our summer stuff, like reunions and festivals, are back on the schedule once again.  Illness is still in the back of our minds but two of the four of us have had COVID, I have antibodies, and cases don't seem too serious now, so that's less of a worry (well, aside from what it might do to our Disney trip).  Sure, I'm not back at the office much yet and product shortages and high prices are frequent reminders that something is still amiss, but for some reason my brain is still in this weird pandemic mode where I am absolutely desperate for little daily joys, fixes, and events to look forward to.  It's almost like my brain was so deprived of positives and activity for so long that I'm trying to make up for lost time.  Or maybe I've created a habit of feeling like I always need a pick-me-up after so much time where the little joys were the only things to brighten my day.  We had so few things happening for a while and I think maybe I looked at what little we had with such desperation and anticipation that now I feel an absence when we don't have things going on.  Maybe it's all of the above.  

During the pandemic, we had months where we didn't go anywhere and had to make the best of it at home.  We missed out on a lot of holidays and gatherings, and I think I developed a bit of FOMO as a result.  Like, I never want to miss an opportunity to do anything again because it sucked missing out on things then, so I will go out of my way for family parties or fun outings.  Additionally, while we were stuck at home with nothing on the calendar to look forward to, and with two kids who were constantly battling, we had to find ways to brighten our days.  That's why I started planting flowers and that's what spawned our weekly night of take-out dinner.  I've spent a lot of the last two years justifying stops for slushies (Taco Bell Happy Hour Freezes or my no-longer-$1 Speedway Freeze-turned-$1.50-Slurpee) when out and about, just because it makes things more tolerable or more fun.  I like having new clothes or jewelry (mostly Kohl's clearance or Aldi, so still keeping them cheap) even though I have few reasons to dress up, just because it's nice to get excited to wear something new.  I started making cold brew coffee at home this week because a specially-made iced latte at work last week made me irrationally happy.  And anything that can make my daily life easier or give it better scenery, inside or out, feels important.  I think even my long hair falls into this category, as I like being able to do something different with it from day to day, when my short hair always looked the same.  And when we don't have anything special happening on the weekends, it's slightly depressing and feels wasted--even if I'm probably tired and could use the rest or have a bunch of stuff that needs to be taken care of at home.  It's like I constantly need something to spice up my day or it feels blah.  I wonder if I got so tired of days looking and feeling the same that I'm overcompensating to make each day feel important, productive, or special.  

I know that some of this falls into the category of wanting to control things when everything else feels out of my control.  During the last couple years, when my house has been constantly messy and my kids are making me nuts and working from home has had challenges, I appreciate things I can keep up with or fix.  That's why laundry currently feels okay to me (it's something I can accomplish for the week) and I tend to buy products that help me fix a nagging frustration--like the flower bed edging I just bought (to stop mulch migrating out of the bed) or the fact that I finally replaced my weed whacker batteries that barely worked anymore (because the state of my yard was frequently stressing me out).  I appreciate stuff that makes life easier, like better storage or kitchen gadgets.  I appreciate running errands more now because I usually buy things that are needed to replenish something or fix a problem, and also because it allows me to mentally (or physically) check things off a to-do list.  When I finally have the energy to tackle one of those big things that feels overwhelming (like cleaning the house or accomplishing the massive amount of yard work I did today), I definitely appreciate it and love feeling like I accomplished something.  But the problem with those things is that they are all too easily undone--the house is instantly messy again or the weeds and branches grow back.  That is depressing and starts the lack of control cycle all over again.  So the easy stuff above generally feels more impactful and longer lasting.  

Easing back out of these habits--of "buying happiness" or having to be active to be happy--is proving harder than expected, and not just for me.  Craig has always been one to spoil the kids in little ways, way more than me, at least.  I grew up rarely getting snacks at the movie theater and never at a gas station, and the only toys I usually got outside of birthdays and Christmas probably came from my shop-a-holic, spoiling grandma.  That impacted how I was as a parent, especially since rewarding Jacob tended to backfire most of the time, so I've mostly tried to be careful not to spoil my kids either.  But this has been a major difference between us as parents--Craig has always been the one to buy dollar candy at the store or get a special treat from the mall kiosk or pick up a snack postgame for Jacob even if they're coming right home.  During the pandemic it got easier to be okay with it when we were out, since we weren't going out much, spending money on activities, or having much in general to get excited about.  So if we got to go out, well, sure...they can get a little something.  But now trying to ease off that isn't easy.  I might consent to getting candy or a drink at the gas station before a trip (I love my roadtrip Slurpees!) but now I might draw the line at later that same day or weekend getting pretzel bites and frozen lemonades at Auntie Anne's at the mall.  We rarely did both of those things in close proximity during the pandemic, so now that we do, there's some retraining to do, for us and them.  It can't happen every time anymore.  Of course, I say that and what did we do tonight after dinner out at Red Robin?  We stopped at Wegmans and bought a bunch of stuff for make-your-own sundaes.  Sigh.  But I suppose an ice cream parlor would have cost similar and what we bought can be used more than once, so there's that.  Baby steps.

The pandemic has been one heck of a mind-warping experience.  It changed our behaviors and our brain chemistry.  Carter's screen-driven ADHD behavior was our first sign, but this whole issue has proved it again.  Lifelong habits have been altered, possibly forever.  I had to work a full day at the office yesterday and it felt like a prison.  It didn't help that no one was there, but I found myself missing the quick walk out to the yard or accomplishing a household task during a screen break.  I worked in an office every day for almost 20 years barely thinking twice (I mean, aside from pre-vacation or holidays or Friday afternoons), but two years later it's suddenly hard.  But even my office is seemingly doing the same thing in trying to soften the blow, hence the aforementioned fancy custom coffee (and donut battle!) last week and a series of every-other-week food truck lunches meant to entice us back to the office, get us to interact, and generally make it more fun.  So I guess it's not just me!

But I do feel like I need to find a happy medium long-term--keep seeking out and appreciating simple pleasures but do it a little less (unless it's calorie-free and/or cost-free) and not feel like a day is wasted without one.  I feel like it's going to be a long process as it is, and I'm still not sure when the pandemic will feel "over" or when I will feel "healed" from the traumas of this experience.  I keep hoping a real vacation will help, but who knows if this one will be clouded by COVID again.  Getting back to the office more in the coming months might regain some old-school-style normalcy, but that will likely up our daily functional stress level, at least for a while.  It's been a weird evolution of phases, habits, and changed behaviors over the last 2-1/3 years.  Some of it I'm grateful for, some of it has created new challenges.  It's just been interesting to realize how this has molded our lives on a long-term basis and realizing that now is probably the time to start molding them back to a more permanent post-pandemic place.  Ideally we'll keep the good stuff, eventually exclude the bad, and finally emerge as more fulfilled, grateful humans with a clearer picture of what makes us happy and gives our lives worth.  God knows we need some sort of positive to come out of this experience, so maybe that's it.  Only time will tell.

News & Notes, July 4th Edition

Between procrastinating on writing my last post, a busy week of three soccer games, and trying to fill our extra-long holiday weekend with fun, I have a lot of catching up to do.  

Our 19th anniversary was last Tuesday.  The good news is that the kids are now old enough that we felt confident we could leave them for a couple hours and go have dinner.  Only took us nearly 3/4 of our marriage to get there...haha.  I was a little disappointed right off the bat, though, because I was hoping to go out to Victor on our way and pick up my repaired wedding ring, but due to an extra long wait at the Wendy's drive-thru to pick up Carter's dinner, we didn't get on the road soon enough to get to the store before it closed.  My ring had a prong sheared off at some unknown point, and I noticed it a couple months ago when part of the ring felt rough.  The jewelry store is a full half hour away so it was hard to make it convenient to get there for drop-off or pick-up, so I was wearing a fake ring for a couple months.  It was the same cheap one with three fake diamonds that I bought right after we got married when my real rings were getting soldered together and didn't want a "naked" finger.  For whatever reason that one never felt fully comfortable like my real ring so I desperately wanted to get my ring back and our anniversary would have been perfect timing.  I was bummed it didn't work out, but we made the best of the night.  Craig picked up the ring for me a few days later, although I'm not thrilled with the alignment of the wrap to the solitaire so I may need to stop back one of these days.  Anyway, Craig did get me some gorgeous anniversary roses!

Although I sometimes wish that we had fancier palettes and ate at more interesting places, we ended up at a very pedestrian restaurant--Cheesecake Factory!  I hadn't been there in ages.  I couldn't even remember the last time--maybe I was still at my old job as we celebrated there a couple times?  But I was craving my favorite meal, so off we went.  We had a very nice dinner on the patio on a lovely night.  
 

We finished off the night with a trip to Trader Joe's across the parking lot to stock up on mac and cheese (Jacob's and mine), snacks, and wine before heading home to the boys, who I'm glad to report did not kill one another.  

As I mentioned, it was also a busy week of soccer.  I haven't mentioned soccer much because it's been a rough season.  We're more than halfway through, and Carter's team still hasn't won a game.  They've tied two, at least.  He's been stuck on defense most of the season, so no goals yet.  His coach is an older dad who's never coached youth soccer and makes it pretty obvious.  At least the coach's kid is a decent player so I can't get mad when he plays him a lot.  The team as a whole is tentative and isn't really good at passing the ball to anyone in particular--and in fact they have a tendency to do a throw-in right to the other team.  The one night last week they had an offensive explosion and were up 8-4 at one point, which was crazy since many games they barely score, but this other team wasn't great but had one kid that clearly should be playing travel instead and ended up scoring a ton (we think all but one of their goals), and the game ended in an 8-8 tie.  It was heartbreaking, and it's been a tough season as a whole.  Jacob and Carter like to play one-on-one after games, and somehow they don't seem to argue when they do that, even if Carter does get frustrated when he can't score.

I got bored waiting for them to finish one night and noticed some flowers nearby.  I have really bright pink coneflowers in my front flower bed, but I had never noticed these gorgeous flowers under the scoreboard at the soccer field.  I just love them so much because of how the petals on the first and third ones perfectly offset the center!  And that second one is just...wow.  Would it be bad if I stole a few spent ones to let them go to seed and plant them in my garden? :)

This one is so odd.  At first I thought it just wasn't fully open, but now I'm not so sure.  I saw a fading one whose petals were a bit more open, but not by much. 

I took off Friday through Tuesday for the long weekend, and it was much needed.  I didn't start it out well because I had all sorts of big plans to work out, clean, run errands and be productive, and it just didn't happen.  I had an extra lazy morning and it just set me on a rough path for the day.  But we did end up going to the drive-in Friday night to see the new Minions movie, which was fun.  The weather was a bit more threatening than we would have liked, but we had already pre-ordered our sheet pizza from the gluten-free place around the corner so we had to make it work.  It did rain for a while after we ate dinner in our parking spot, and then again a bit during the movie, which made for some close quarters in the back of the van, but we probably dodged a bullet as the distant lightning indicated it could have been worse!  We almost stayed for the second movie but we knew it would probably rain (we'd have turned around and watched from our seats) and we knew we'd appreciate sleep more, so we left--which was probably smart.

Staying dry in the back of the van!

On Saturday morning I was determined to right the wrongs of my laziness on Friday, so I worked out in the morning and then dragged Carter out for some afternoon fun.  We needed to go to the library to get him some new books and I wanted to stop at Aldi for a couple things, but I greased the wheels a little bit with a new playground!  A friend of mine posted about this one a week or so ago, and then the town posted about it a couple days later.  It's new-ish but I think it's been around for a number of months.  It's right up near the lake and it was amazing!

 

See that climbing structure in the background in the photo below?  That was literally the hardest playground thing I think I've ever done.  That top horizontal log was probably a solid 5-6 feet off the ground, so there was a little bit of terror if you fell off.  I almost fell myself and had visions of broken bones for both of us!  But the ropes helped and it definitely felt like a victory to conquer it!

Carter liked being spider prey on the big web!

 
It was in the loveliest little spot along a little waterway going between Long Pond and Lake Ontario.  It was so pretty and peaceful.  Ironically, there was a house nearby (off to the far right, out of the picture) that got hit by a vehicle pretty severely back in March and the vehicle ended up in that water.  I remember seeing at the time that the affected house was on a little offshoot from the main road and suddenly it occurred to me that the house next to the playground that was missing some siding was that house!  But aside from that bit of knowledge, it seemed like such a peaceful spot.

There was a pedestrian bridge nearby to go to the little strip of land sandwiched by the channel and the lake.  It was such a pretty view from there.

This is looking toward where it empties into the lake

 

This is the view looking back inland toward the pond

 
Every time I go to spots like that it makes me want a boat, a kayak, or a paddleboard.  I had another moment like that on Monday (more in a minute).  I love having outside things to do--I'm not good at creating my own outdoor fun, so I appreciate our pool and playground time, but when I go to a peaceful spot like that, I long to do active outdoor stuff on the water.  I swear, if the paddleboards currently at Aldi get cheap, I might just have to buy one to keep until I figure out where to launch it!  Water like that creeps me out a bit but just keep your mouth closed and your life jacket on!

Carter and I enjoyed playing tic-tac-toe on the playground...

 
...and had to take a celebratory picture to celebrate climbing the structure I mentioned earlier, once we were safely on the cargo net!

Now how do we get ourselves back down?!

Carter loved his seat as King of the (Rock) Hill!

 
Back at home, we spent a lot of time over the weekend in the pool.  It was rather warm and mostly sunny, which was needed since the pool still felt oddly chilly.  I also did some massive weed removal from the cracks of our patio and some scrubbing of the siding around the back of the house to remove the algae that tends to grow in the areas that don't get a lot of sun.  Those tasks helped me get warm enough to swim!  The boys play a lot of basketball and I float.  Carter can now touch the bottom pretty easily but is doing great with his swimming as well. 

On Sunday night we went for our first round of mini golf for the summer.  It was a bit of a challenging visit because Jacob is getting serious about golf and was really frustrated that he wasn't doing better.  Craig and I also had really good rounds, which didn't help.  We all played well, even if Carter felt bad because he was a bit further behind the rest of us--but he actually did great with only a couple mulligans along the way.  Jacob asserted his dominance back in the arcade, though--he beat the record on the basketball machine 3 or 4 times!

This was the first one--he got it up well into the 80s and could have gone higher, but he'd stop as soon as he beat it so it was easy to beat again!

I got to try a new axe throwing game and got a couple bullseyes!  The boys played a giant Hungry, Hungry Hippos game!

Over the course of the last couple years, aided by Jacob's basketball records and a couple generally successful trips, we have amassed close to 10,000 tickets!  I've never even been able to look at the top tier of prizes with any amount of seriousness, so it's been fun to know at some point we can buy something pretty cool!  I was slightly obsessed with the giant stuffed sloths in hoodies but clearly that is not something we need--but it's fun to let my inner teenager dream!

On 4th of July morning, I wanted to go for a bike ride.  It was perfect weather for it.  I wanted a mindless ride, so I decided to go along the canal path.  My goal was Spencerport, but when that ended up feeling too short, I went a couple miles beyond that to Ogden.  My goal is to someday make it all the way to North Tonawanda via the canal path, which could take a couple days' worth of three 10-15 mile stints.  If only I had a partner to do it with me!  It's so peaceful and I'd love to see the entire route of locks and towns along the way.  On the way back home, I ran into the lift bridge in Spencerport lowering back down after one of the rental houseboats (also on my bucket list) passed underneath.  It was pretty cool, and I'm not sure I knew that this bridge raised and lowered in one piece as opposed to the ones that split down the middle and lift in an "A" shape.

My parents came in for the afternoon of the 4th.  We were hoping for good pool time but probably a half hour after we got in the sun went behind the clouds and never really came back out.  It got a bit chilly in there so we probably only lasted an hour or so!  Still, we had a nice time on the patio and ordered dinner in, then had a pie my mom brought.  They left before dark and we spent the night watching a movie and checking out the fireworks that neighbors a street over were shooting off.  I'm happy we weren't any closer--they were big and would have freaked me out anywhere near my house!  My parents left behind a partial box of sparklers they randomly found at the event they went to the prior night, so Carter and I went out before bedtime to light them.  

 
We had one more day off on Tuesday, and I snuck in another workout and some errand running.  I definitely have an Aldi problem--I've bought two maxi dresses, denim leggings, workout leggings, a cold brew coffee maker, six pairs of underwear, a phone holder for my bike and an amazing planter (some of it on clearance) in the past few weeks--but when it's cheaper than elsewhere and fills a need, why not?  Could be worse--the most popular impulse purchase right now is a $200+ wicker egg chair!  I think I need a break, though!  Otherwise, Jacob had some basketball stuff and Carter taught me how to play checkers (and promptly regretted it since I beat him--oops), and it was generally a quiet, somewhat dreary day to end our break.  

This week starts our journey back to summer normalcy.  Carter started his summer program on Wednesday, basically a summer camp version of the after school program.  I think he needs the daily stimulation and break from the screens, and so far he seems to be enjoying it.  Jacob had a half day basketball camp for three days this week, but ended up skipping Wednesday because he got hit on the top of his head with an errant half court shot on Tuesday during training and we're sort of monitoring his headaches.  If that wasn't enough, Craig hurt his finger blocking a shot in the pool on Monday so we seem to need our own medical ward right now!  I'm supposed to start going back in the office twice a week now but I'm finding it challenging to work around random life stuff.  It seems whenever I try to go into the office there's something that cuts my day short or makes me switch it.  I'll go in Friday, and I think my days are basically set next week with a couple events (food truck and meeting our new boss), but let's see if we can do them without life intervening.  

Basketball seems to be done now (this week's injury saved us a trip to Watertown when there were no hotels available), and Jacob already seems to have a team for the fall with his favorite coach.  Soccer has a couple more weeks left.  Most weekends have something planned through the end of the month, then we hit a couple family reunions and suddenly it will be into August and we'll have a mere couple weeks until our big trip!  Wait, did I even mention that here?  We officially booked flights and accommodations for Disney for the last week of summer break, but have literally done nothing since because meal plans aren't available and I'm nervous about buying park tickets without knowing weather and all that.  I'll have to bite the bullet at some point but it's all a little overwhelming and I probably just need to ask a Disney planner what else we need besides an airport shuttle.  It's exciting but scary, especially with a new strain of COVID lurking.  I've told Carter he doesn't need to wear his mask at camp (he still is at times, by his choice) because if he gets it ahead, we'll all be a little safer when we travel, but he might have to actively mask for the last week of camp so he doesn't get it then.  I'm a little worried about it all, and I know I'll procrastinate and panic if I don't hurry up and get started (I thought the same thing about uniforms the other day, too--and school supplies can't wait long either), so the end of summer might be a little nuts.  Time to start working through everything on our summer to-do list now, but at least I feel like we're making a good effort already on the fun side.  And my flowers are blooming and my garden is close to a first harvest so we are definitely hitting peak summer.  It's as close to normal as we've been in years, despite some lingering struggles, so I want to enjoy it as much as possible.  Let's give it a try...

 

Split Decision

I feel like I've been avoiding this post all week, but I still feel compelled to write it so I will.  I also feel like I've had to write too many like this, where real life outside our household gets to be a little too much and this blog serves as therapy to get it all out somewhere safe-ish.  A little over a week ago, the Supreme Court reversed Roe v. Wade, which turned abortion laws back over to individual states.  As things go in this very divided country, that means that about half of the states now have strict laws banning and criminalizing abortion.  Despite being a Christian, there is so much about this that doesn't settle well with me.

On one hand, my heart feels completely split down the middle because as a Christian I do believe abortion is wrong--it is ultimately a form of murder.  Left alone and even minimally cared for, that embryo/fetus will become a living, breathing baby.  Every baby is special in God's eyes, and playing god over that doesn't feel quite right.  I don't love that our society doesn't take sex more seriously.  It can be a big deal with serious consequences, and because birth control isn't perfect, technically every encounter is risky and should be treated with such seriousness.  Having a little self-control isn't such a terrible thing to ask, but I get it--I've been there and it's hard, but it's still important to be responsible as much as humanly possible.  I also wish our society didn't seek out abortion as often as it does.  I know Hollywood might be an extreme case, but it seems like everyone has a story of when pregnancy "wouldn't have been the right time".  In fact, I was watching a Real World Reunion show for the LA season, and I think at least three of the four women there had had one--even though the one that did it on the original show basically walked through it alone.  Either everyone is terrible at birth control, or they have terrible luck, or they're just plain irresponsible.  That is the one part of this that frustrates the heck out of me.  It should be needed less--and while I know for some women it is empowering, it should still never be a happy event.  And I don't love that some of the techniques used are painful for the baby--burning it alive via saline or dismembering it.  I'd be fine if those methods had to go away--unless of course there's something I don't know about why those methods are used.  But at the moment, those still make me very uncomfortable.  I wish it was easy to have every unwanted pregnancy taken to term so that baby could be adopted, but sadly that's not how the world works, which I'll get into in a bit.  

But even though I personally don't like abortion, I am left very uncomfortable with the Supreme Court decision.  Why?  Because it was made under false pretenses, it is making Christianity part of legislation, it sets a terrible precedent, and it is not my place or anyone else's to make reproductive health decisions for other women.  I may not get an abortion myself, but it is not my place to say another woman shouldn't be able to because it is usually a very personal, very difficult decision.

For the court to go back on 50 years of settled precedent to take away an established right is almost unheard of, and in fact there is video footage of pretty much every judge from their confirmation hearings saying that Roe v. Wade is settled and there should not be any concern for it to be overturned.  But suddenly anti-abortion judges are in power and that goes out the window.  As such, it appears they all lied under oath, which to me should be grounds for dismissal.  They convinced Congress that was not something they would do on the court, and then they did it.  And while we're at it, why is the court get so political in the first place?  Why can't we have an even court, or better yet, not make major decisions based on personally colored interpretations of texts written 200 years ago, before anyone could imagine what our society would be like now.  To make matters worse, the day before they struck down a decades-old law in New York that makes carrying a gun much easier.  And in the week that has followed, a number of other interesting rulings have come through that are making their political persuasions quite obvious.  

One could argue that abortion is morally wrong on the grounds that even non-Christians would say murder is wrong.  But the problem is that science isn't totally settled on when a baby becomes a person, and even different religions differ on that topic.  You could argue the embryo becomes a baby when it is conceived, or when its heart starts beating, or when it can feel pain, or even at a certain day or week of gestation.  But most agree that "life begins at conception" is a decidedly Christian stance.  In many cases states ban all abortions or those less than six weeks, and to be honest, unless you're a crazy person with fertility issues like I was, you might not even know until six weeks (remember that two of those weeks are actually pre-conception, dating from your last period).  I knew right away with Carter but I didn't know until probably right around six weeks with Jacob and I was trying to get pregnant (but had temporarily given up hope).  Those restrictions are super limiting.  And not every state covers rape, incest, and/or medically needed abortions, which is already causing issues a week later.  Anyway, all this to say that many states are following a very Christian guideline and we are not a religiously-based government.  Not everyone in this country believes the same things about life and conception, and as I said, science is still a bit vague about it all.  But those state regulations that are based on that religous belief is what even non-Christians are forced to follow.  What's more, it gets very dicey when you try to assign personhood to a special-but-still primitive clump of cells.  It cannot survive on its own and early on it cannot feel pain or have clear cognitive activity, but these laws essentially give it as many rights, if not more, than a full-grown, living, breathing, established human.  I have a practicality problem with that.  Having a child is a very personal decision, very challenging physically and emotionally, and to ask anyone to go through with that--from a child to someone who has mental illness (and probably can't be on their meds) to someone who has physical issues that could be deadly in pregnancy--that is just not something I could do.  They made a mistake, yes...but should they have to deal with that forever?  That's a lot to ask.

A 10-year-old girl was just denied an abortion in Ohio.  It came from abuse and she now needs to go out of state to get the abortion.  She should have never been put in that situation in the first place, of course, but that's the thing with pregnancy--once the mistake has been made, there are very real consequences and very real humans and feelings involved.  If a 10-year-old girl can't legally vote, drive, or adopt, how is it OK to make her go through a pregnancy, childbirth, and potentially either young motherhood or the emotions of adoption?  I know abortions come with trauma of their own, but having gone through pregnancy and childbirth twice, I can say that doing that as a 10-year-old would cause some severe trauma itself.  When we were talking about it and Carter heard the age of the girl--a year older than him--the look on his face spoke for itself.  It's unfathomable for a girl to have to go through any of it, but the complex emotions of childbirth and motherhood (in person or managing the idea of adoption) is a lot.  And for her sake, she probably wishes all of this had never happened--and sadly abortion might be the easiest means to that end for her.  It's a scar she will forever live with, but it might be a smaller one if she doesn't have to go through nine months and full labor.  And keep in mind not everyone will have the means to travel to a state where they can have it done safely.  But they will now be forced to pay for their medical expenses regardless of whether they keep the baby or not, which is a whole other burden.

This isn't even getting into the fact that there are people who medically need abortion services or mentally should have the right to them.  Not every state has exceptions for miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, when the fetus is not viable and/or miscarriage is not happening on its own.  Ectopic pregnancies can be deadly, but the laws either prevent women from having them removed or the laws are still so unclear that medical providers are hesitating to provide proper care for fear they will be prosecuted.  Some women need medications after a spontaneous abortion to ensure the body delivers all of the pregnancy components, and pharmacies won't fill the needed prescriptions because they could be charged with aiding an abortion.  There are fears women could be accused of causing a spontaneous miscarriage when abortion isn't available and charged with murder, even if that was not what happened.  And then there's obviously the fear of returning to the back-alley, coat-hanger abortions that killed so many women before Roe v. Wade came along.  And honestly, for a woman who has a much-wanted pregnancy and knows that her baby won't survive, she should have the choice how to deal with it.  If she wants to carry it, great, but if she doesn't--either because the emotions and physical reminders are too painful, or because she'd rather deliver a living baby and hold it for as long as she can--that is definitely something that should be her personal decision along with her doctor.  No one should be able to take those rights away from her at such an emotional time.  There's so much to this that was not well-thought-out, and women are going to be paying the price in countless ways.  Funny how Republicans insist gun laws won't stop gun violence but allow for these laws even though it's been proven they don't work either--and in fact, cost additional lives. 

As I said, I don't like that some women use abortions as birth control.  I may understand why they do, but it makes me sad.  The problem is that we can't necessarily pick and choose which ones to allow, but as long as there are ones needed like above, the right should be there.  I'd prefer we find additional ways to prevent the need for pregnancy, but ironically, the Republicans fight against most of those, too.  Universal health care and birth control alone would be hugely helpful to preventing pregnancy and the need for abortion, and social programs like subsidized child care could help women feel more comfortable keeping a baby, or at least carrying one to term.  But if it's going to cost them $10,000 to deliver under their health plan or $15,000 a year in child care, how are either of those things motivating?  That could lead women to financial ruin, which is especially concerning if they already have kids.  And don't even get me started on how men have no responsibility in any of this.  There is nothing wrong with birth control, and yet the Republicans equate it with abortion and fight against it.  In my mind, anything that reduces the net number of abortions is good, but banning them outright only leads to other problems.  I also find it ironic that a lot of people seeking out abortions are daughters of religious families who fear not being accepted.  The church is still not particularly welcoming to babies out of wedlock, and that guilt is part of the problem here.

This ruling also sets a terrible precedent for other rulings, as it falls under the same category as a number of other important cases, including birth control, gay marriage, interracial marriage, and even what happens in your own private bedroom (because gay sex was previously considered sodomy).  Justice Clarence Thomas specifically mentioned revisiting these cases (well, all except the interracial marriage one, which he has taken advantage of), so now there are serious concerns that those hard-fought battles will need to happen again.  And you know what pisses me off even more?  If you didn't already have enough proof that religion is clouding these decisions, anything related to the gay issues will clarify that completely because outside of a religious perspective, there is no reason gay people shouldn't have the same rights as straight people to marry and love who they want.  Religion is the only reason people should have any issue with those things (aside from their own weird insecurities, I guess), so if laws go back into effect preventing it, it's obvious their beliefs are clouding those decisions.  As with this decision, the laws would fall to the states, but the judges are making these rulings knowing that some states support their personal preferences and will take away rights from people who deserve them.  There's no reason these cases need to be "reinterpreted", especially when it means people will lose rights, rather than gain them.  

And I don't know about you, but I don't like what happens when Middle Eastern countries bring their religion into their laws, so I really don't want to see it here when this country is multicultural and has freedom of religion.  It's really making Christians look like controlling, overbearing jerks, and if Christians don't realize that this is doing more to drive people away from the church than anything, they're blind.  I've said here before that as a person who does not have the perfect knowledge and gentleness of Jesus, I do not feel comfortable calling people out on their sin.  It is not my place to judge, so I default to the most important of Jesus' commands, to love one another.  I will lead with love because running around convicting people will not show them Jesus' love and has no chance of bringing them to Christ.  Loving them in spite of things that might turn other Christians off?  That might give them a better picture of what Jesus' love is all about and give them a fighting chance to come to faith.  I can't fully understand how gay people fit into the church (though I did have a great conversation with a religious academic that suggested that scholars believe the sexual immorality references in scripture were aimed mostly at pedophilia that was common at the time, and that the mentions of "homosexuality" were only added years later in other translations.  I haven't verified but it was good food for thought.), but I do know I could never ask someone to deny that huge a part of themselves and forego a loving, fulfilling earthy relationship because *my* faith tells them to.  I just can't.  If God wants to tell them that, great.  But I don't feel like that message could ever confidently come from me.  So, anyway, my heart breaks for people like my cousin whose marriages (which may be almost as long as mine) may no longer be federally protected.

Someone posted something on Facebook aimed at Christians that said, "You're feeling powerful and vindicated because you didn't want someone to do something and acted your will on them.  Your joy isn't about God; it's about making yourself feel just."  And while I'm sure there are people excited about the lives that will be saved, ultimately it does come back to them wanting to force something on other people that don't believe the same thing, because it makes the Christian feel better about themselves.  And those little saved lives will face struggles of their own--from foster care, to improperly cared for pregnancies, to parents with severe mental health issues and financial struggles.  How many women will commit suicide, or how many partners will murder the mother of their unwanted child?  We already have so many foster children in this country.  I'm not saying it would better for them all to be terminated instead, but when you multiply that by the thousands, that's a huge burden on our society that we don't have the infrastructure for.  And while many of these infants will be adopted quickly and maybe never have to go into foster care, you better hope there is a massive pipeline of adoptive parents who can afford the tens of thousands of dollars it takes to adopt.  Maybe legislators should work on THAT problem.  Make adoption less expensive so everyone can do it and not just the rich.  Speaking of problems, women can likely get more jail time for an abortion than their rapist can get for raping them.  That is just plain wrong.  And can men be charged for causing an unwanted pregnancy if women can be charged for ending one?  These are valid questions that currently may not have very satisfactory answers.  

Let me put it this way: if this ruling had come with universal health care, birth control protections, child care subsidies, and other supports for pregnant women and new mothers--while also protecting the rights of women who physically need access to approved medical procedures that could save their lives--maybe I would have felt a little more joy and relief.  But we have taken away bodily autonomy without providing any additional supports for the women who will now have to go through nine long months of stress, medical bills, and a roller coaster of emotions.  Women will die--and often take their babies along with them--due to suicide, domestic violence, botched terminations, medical emergencies, and all the other things that already make our maternal mortality rate dismal.  I desperately wish we had a society that didn't need abortion.  But legislating it away is not going to solve those problems--it is only going to make them more complicated.  There is no true winner here aside from babies that may or may not get a happy ending, but there are definite losers caught in the middle that should have been taken care of on a federal level.  This decision is disappointing and life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness just got a little bit harder for one gender--never mind that we're supposed to be treated equally in the eyes of the law and that's clearly not the case either.  Up until about 15 years ago I never imagined this is how I'd feel about this topic, but parenthood and others' stories have a way of opening your eyes to realities you never imagined.  I am not pro-abortion--but I'm also aware that truly being pro-life is about more than birth and the babies that result.  Motherhood is too big a deal to go into it unwillingly or through a traumatic experience.  I hope people will take even more precautions now to prevent the need for abortion, but things need to change or even more lives--women who had full lives ahead of them who are loved by so many others--will be lost.  This is a step back for our country without any true steps forward...and the rest of the world knows it.