Time

I suppose time has always been a bit of a crazy thing to wrap my mind around, but I think the pandemic made it a lot harder in many ways.  Now that we're heading into the post-pandemic era (or so all this reopening and unmasking would make you think), I find myself pondering the past 14 months and figuring out what normal used to look like vs. what our new normal should be.  This post is about my struggles with two things--the passage of time, and how we're spending it.

It's becoming more and more apparent to me that time goes more quickly the older you get, and that is both problematic and mind-blowing.  Most days I marvel when I look in the mirror and see my 42-year-old self.  I mean, I generally don't think I look that old, but I also don't feel all that far removed from my much-younger self (especially now that I'm again rocking long hair that I've probably only had a few times since it was at its longest in my early teens).  But here I am, 42 with an almost-teenager and my youngest graduating from the first half of his elementary school career.  I'm not quite sure where the time went, even if the baby years seem far away in many ways (but not that far in others).  I've been around a lot of babies lately--my godson, and multiple littles belonging to various cousins on both sides--and it really hits home how life has changed since that was our reality.  

When I realize other things, like living in our house 11 years or already being at my current job 2/3 of the time I was at my last one, all the years start to run together.  When I was collecting items for the garage sale and realizing how long certain things had been in the house, unused, it was shocking.  Time just flies.  And, of course, having much of life on hold for an entire year has been a bit sobering, as things that we intended on doing long ago, like vacations or house stuff, have waited even longer.  It's definitely made me a bit more impulsive in certain areas, or at the very least more thoughtful about purposefully weighing options and making timely decisions where I can.

My cousin turned 50 last week.  He's not my first cousin to do so, but I guess it's the first one we've celebrated, and maybe it's weirder because my main memories of him were as a high school basketball player I watched once or twice a week for a few years.  And now his oldest child is older than that, having just completed his first year of college.  More than half of my generation on my dad's side is now 40+, and therefore probably older than the "peak" of my memories of my aunts and uncles.  The aunts and uncles are now grandparents themselves, and after a slight break, my generation is once again popping out kids.  My dad marveled the other day that his brother's family will soon have 12 people by itself.  Before my generation started getting married, that side of the family had just more than double that across all three generations.  Now just one branch of the family covers half of that!  It is pretty amazing to realize how big we are now, even after having lost a few along the way.

As odd as this sounds, two TV shows have also thrown me for a loop.  A few weeks back I watched the Real World reunion series on Paramount+.  It brought back the original members of the first Real World cast that lived in a New York City loft in 1992.  It really was the first official reality TV show, and much like the first season of Big Brother or Survivor, everyone went into it clueless and it made for psychologically interesting TV because everyone was just figuring it out.  There was no strategy, no real conscious thought that any action would be "great TV" or anything like that--they just lived.  It didn't revolve around parties or out-of-control behaviors.  They had verbal fights, but they were real social discussions and not for show.  Well, it turns out that almost 30 years later they still had lively discussions (someone even left early), but it was truly fascinating to see them as relatively well-functioning adults with spouses or kids or careers or even just crappy life experiences that matured them.  They were the same people they were 29 years earlier, but more evolved and a little grayer.  It was amazing to me to compare and contrast 29 years ago to now--it almost felt like seeing the future.  And, of course, I can say the same thing for the much-hyped Friends reunion.  Those actors have been a bit more visible all along, of course, but seeing them all together on the same set--grayer and heavier and/or facially edited (props to Lisa Kudrow, who seems to have aged perfectly appropriately and yet still looks amazing)--really felt strange.  You see their younger selves on the original show, which we have of course continued to watch all along, and then you suddenly see what 50-something looks like in the next frame.  It's a lot to take in, mostly because it means you've aged during that time as well and aren't that far behind!

It would be one thing if it was 10 years or so, but 20 is crazy and 30 is worse.  When you have fully formed memories that are 30 years old and you barely feel that old yourself, it's pretty mind-blowing.  My prom was 25 years ago the other day, for example, and I already felt like mostly an adult by that point.  So for that to be two-and-a-half decades in my rear view, that's crazy.  There's a meme floating around social media that talks about how the sitcom The Wonder Years went back 20 years (from the late 80s to the late 60s), and if that same sitcom happened today, it would only be going back to the early 2000s.  That doesn't seem possible.  Obviously how the world has evolved has changed a bit, but then again, if you upped it to 25 years ago, you would be going back to an entirely different generation where cell phones, internet, and other technology were not nearly as ubiquitous as they are now.  

It seems like every day there's some little detail that makes me pause and realize how fast time is moving.  Some days it's Jacob being taller than me and hearing his ever-deepening voice.  Some days it's an old picture of baby Carter that pops up in my memories.  The other day it was realizing that my new curly hair (thanks to my CHI Spin N Curl) is the hair I really wanted nearly 30 years ago in my early teens--badly enough that I tried a body perm (which didn't really take) to give my hair some life.  It was painfully straight (which wasn't popular back in the perm era) and I just wanted some wave or soft curl.  Curling irons did what they could for years until I went short (and then at least straight hair was "in"), but this new hair is what I really was looking for all that time!  Time changes a lot, but apparently not everything!

The big question, though, is what we're doing as time is flying.  What is filling all that time?  Daily life seems to overtake it all, just getting through one workday, one busy evening--or a full week of both at a time--just to get to a weekend that zips by in the midst of errands, yard work, lazy mornings, and whatever other fun or rest we can cram in.  Rarely do weekends end up feeling as fulfilling as we'd like them to, and then we're right back to wishing the week away and hoping for more fulfilling things to fill them with.  As blah as the last year was for the most part, I found myself amazed as I scrolled through my photo app the other day.  There were hikes and flower gardens and the zoo and sunsets and other little outings and adventures that we had throughout COVID.  While there certainly weren't enough of them and their "wow" factor was generally on the lower end, I still found myself pleasantly surprised with what we did manage to see and do under the circumstances.  But the fact is that we sort of live for those bigger moments, especially now that we've been deprived of so many for so long, and the daily life that fills the in-between feels pretty unexciting and unfulfilling.  We know we should be savoring as much as we can of the in-between, but admittedly, with two incompatible kids and jobs and that darn nightly dinner obligation, it gets hard.  I want to enjoy it more, but it usually doesn't work that way, so I find myself waiting for the next big thing, enjoying that in the moment, and then looking back fondly on the pictures trying to mentally transport myself back.  I want those moments that differentiate from the daily grind, and it's probably bad that it often feels like there's never enough of them.  Life can't be full of them (or else they lose their significance, too), but I'm tired of feeling stuck at home and not having enough stuff to look forward to.  Our calendar is slowly filling back up--hopefully a couple basketball trips, a bridal shower, two weddings (plus another next year) already scheduled, and hoping for some family events to come back, and maybe a couple trips for ourselves--so hopefully that starts quenching that desire a little.  

Long story short, I feel like COVID has left me confused about how much we should be doing.  Should we be making up for lost time?  Should we find smaller ways to scratch that itch?  Should we try to find the joy in being home?  I feel like the big pause made me extra aware of the passage of time and what it feels like to go through a year feeling like you're accomplishing so little.  I want to take advantage of the time we have, and we certainly seem to do better making memories than driving one another nuts at home.  I don't want to feel like we hesitated too much or didn't take advantage of the chances we had to live more fully.  But most days I guess I'm not sure how to make that happen.  I just know time is flying by and I don't want to be left behind.

Focusing on the Good

In an effort to remain positive, you will once again see a lot of nature in this post.  Some days that's the only thing that keeps me sane and focused on the beauty in the world, rather than all the stuff that can drag me down.  The car goes in Thursday, Carter will hopefully get meds by the weekend, work is crazy, Jacob is always a roller coaster ride, and I'm just sort of hitting that school-year-end wall.  It's just a lot to process, and I'm tired.  But instead of things easing up around here once school is over, it only gets more complicated since the kids will once again be around the house as I'm trying to work.  I think part of me is oddly jealous of last year me that was on furlough the week before Memorial Day and getting all sorts of stuff done.  As challenging as five weeks of furlough was, it was so nice having five weeks during good weather where I was simply not allowed to go on my work computer.  Now I'm going to have to fight for every bit of vacation I take because not getting my stuff done due to vacation reflects on me, rather than a very crappy situation.  But to keep my sanity all summer, I'm going to need it.

With another round of warm weather last week and into the weekend, I was determined to get more stuff done around the yard.  I was thrilled to discover mid-week that all of the seeds I had planted the prior weekend were already sprouting!  They've been coming along really nicely!  My azalea has been in full bloom, too, which always amazes me because it never gets much bigger and gets a fungal disease every year but still hangs in there, with more blooms than ever!

I have to admit, with warm weather, full leaves on most trees, and tons of stuff in bloom, most of the time now it feels like full-fledged summer.  It's funny, because some of the stuff I'm seeing in my memories from last year seemed like they were so much further along into the season, so apparently the lines blur a bit this time of year.  It has also helped that we now have two nights a week outside for soccer, and aside from our first game it's been warm.  (Never mind that tomorrow night could be cool and it's supposed to be in the 40s on Friday.)

 

I spent Saturday morning running around and gathering the last of my stuff to plant.  I picked up all my garden plants (and seeds) plus two packs of annuals to finally give some color to the cruddy empty flower bed under our front tree.  I planted the garden in the morning before we left for the next round of Jacob's basketball tournament.  His tournament was three days this past weekend, which meant three hour-long drives out to Lyons, where one of his earlier tournaments was.  Friday night was a rough game.  They were just completely overmatched.  While we were there on Friday, we wandered over to the garden next to the community center.  It was far from peak but there were some pretty spots.

On Saturday, we came equipped because Carter noticed the GaGa Ball court nearby and wanted to play.  I've heard of GaGa Ball since Jacob was in elementary school, but I'll be honest--I never knew what it was or how it was played.  So before the game on Saturday, Carter taught us how to play.  I can see it being a little more effective with more than two or three people, but at least it was a good reason to be outside for a bit.

Saturday was a mixed day for basketball.  Jacob's team had a great game against much lesser competition, but because they won by so much he was told to stop shooting.  He ended up not getting the ball much and came home really discouraged.  He's been frustrated with this team for a while, for multiple reasons.  He's definitely having a "grass is greener" moment about almost any other team he could possibly play for, but can't seem to understand that this team is his only option right now.  He can't play in nationals with them because he's too old (they reclassified earlier in the season), but he may have an opportunity to hop onto an older team with the same organization to finish out the season.  But mostly he's already looking ahead to August when his favorite coach ever is planning on getting a group together.  He was insisting he didn't want to play on Sunday, and it generally made Saturday evening pretty frustrating.  On the bright side, I managed to finish planting a few more things in the yard, including my morning glory seeds, my Mother's Day geranium, and my experimental pumpkin patch.  I battled mosquitos while I did it because it had gotten humid and rainy while we were gone, but I only ended up with a few bites.  Now to see if it will work!

We drove back to Lyons bright and early Sunday morning, and while we waited for the game to start, Carter and I played more GaGa Ball and checked out the pond in the garden.  It was full of frogs...and tadpoles!

Its coloring was so beautiful in the sun!

If you click and zoom in, you can see three frogs here!

This is the first frog, after he hopped in for a swim!

There were so many tadpoles in the water!  Everywhere you looked there were tons of little swimmers!

Jacob's team won their first game easily, and Jacob felt better after contributing nine points.  In the second game they played the team he wishes he could be on, with the kids he has trained with previously.  We knew they didn't have a shot to win, but it got worse when Jacob went up for a shot and came down on an opponent's foot.  He collapsed awkwardly and then limped off the court.  We could see him on the sideline with his shoe off, trying to move it around and then walking it off.  But by the time Craig went to grab ice, he insisted he was fine and was ready to go back in.  He scored one more three-pointer (to add to a foul shot earlier), but he definitely wasn't at the top of his game.  By the time he got in the car it was clear he was in pain and very worried.  Craig happened to take video of the shot, and when he zoomed in, the image was horrifying.  Jacob's ankle was turned and touching the ground.  It was very much like those plays that SportsCenter tells you to look away from.  Oddly, it wasn't his ankle that hurt, but the side of his foot.  He could barely walk by the time we stopped at our lunch spot--another round of chicken and waffles!--and we knew we had to take him in for an x-ray.  I convinced Craig and Jacob to just wait and go into a real orthopedic office on Monday rather than deal with all the cost and potential pitfalls of urgent care.  But the rest of Sunday was spent with a very upset kid who was blaming us for making him play, since he didn't want to in the first place.  Sigh.

He was still tentative about putting weight on it when he woke up Monday, but he said it didn't really hurt.  I took that as a good sign.  In fact, by the time he left for the doctor, he realized he could walk on it pretty normally.  It was mostly just the lateral movement he had trouble with.  Even still, he went in first thing to have it looked at and fortunately, there was no break and no bad damage.  When the doctor saw the shot Craig had of the play, he was shocked Jacob hadn't broken his ankle.  He was very lucky indeed!  He had some bone and tissue bruising, but the ankle was fine and he could resume activity as his pain level allowed.  So that was very good news since he was sure he was going to be out for months.  But by that afternoon he was already out (carefully) taking shots.  Can't keep a kid away from something he loves, I guess.

Of course, now we have the challenge of deciding when he should play again.  He is taking this week off from practice, and there is not a tournament this week.  Next weekend is the Binghamton tournament, and after that we're supposed to be in Pennsylvania.  The prevailing opinion right now is to skip Binghamton (much to my dismay as I would like to visit my friend and godson) and try for Pennsylvania, but Jacob just wants to skip it all because he doesn't want to play for the team anymore.  But we've also floated the idea of going to Binghamton and just trying to slowly get him back into game shape--not playing a ton, perhaps, but playing in real game mode here and there to see how he feels.  He insists practice is fine for feeling that out, but I think games are just different.  Normally I'd balk at driving 3+ hours for limited playing time (see my lacrosse posts from three summers ago for reference), but if I already have other reasons to go, it's easier to make it feel worthwhile.  We'll see how his recovery goes and whether we can make it work.

So, it was a bit of a crazy few days, but much like the car accident, things could have been so much worse.  So, amidst the busyness and the decisions and all the other stuff that keeps us on our toes, we'll just keep looking for the bright sides and the blessings (and the blossoms, for that matter), and keep on chugging.  

Winding Down...or Are We?

So, in the midst of all my car drama, something else pretty important happened this week.  Most of the COVID restrictions in New York were discontinued.  Most of the capacity and masking regulations went away or were decreased considerably, and with it a lot of stores decided to do away with their requirements, primarily for vaccinated people.  For some people, this is groundbreakingly exciting.  For us, it honestly doesn't change much.

On one hand, we have unvaccinated kids.  Jacob is eligible, but I'm still a bit torn on letting him get vaccinated.  He had COVID and likely has some immunity as it is, and his case was so mild that I feel like he's not at serious risk.  While the vaccine is likely safe, on the off-chance that some of these conspiracy theorists have any valid points, I'd rather spare my kids those issues if I can since their risk either way is low.  The one thing that might change my mind is if it ends up impacting their ability to attend school (or attend unmasked by fall), as the benefit balance may then swing the other way.  But because our kids are currently unvaccinated, we need to protect them.  When we're with them, we will wear them for emotional support.  When we're not, we will likely stay masked just because anything we bring home can still go to our kids.

The other problem is that I don't trust people.  The fact of the matter is that places are not going to check vaccine status, and there are passionate anti-mask folks out there that think all of it (masks, vaccines, checking vaccine status, the virus itself) is wrong anyway, so I know they are definitely going to take advantage of the removal of mask mandates.  If they're not masked and not vaccinated, they have a greater chance of catching the virus and passing it along.  And while passing someone in a store likely won't be enough to catch it, it's still enough of a concern that masking feels important to us.

On the bright side, I went to Wegmans last night and 98% of the people I saw were still masked.  I didn't expect that, so it was a pleasant surprise.  The garden center today was on the other end of the spectrum, which was fine in the outside or partially enclosed areas, but a bit more disconcerting in the store part.  It'll be interesting to see how it plays out elsewhere.  Craig saw someone in the gas station store without one, and they didn't lift their store mandate so he got questioned.  I think the variations in rules is going to be confusing and many people are just not going to care.

I try to keep in mind that cases are low, so the odds of ending up near one of those careless people (aside from the fact that many more might be asymptomatic) is relatively slim.  I feel fortunate that things seem to have retreated for now and that we can be outdoors more often.  It definitely makes things feel a bit more normal, even if all of these other returns to normalcy don't help us a lot.  

Honestly, as much as I still feel a bit weighed down by this pandemic, I suppose I'm running out of reasons for that to be the case.  We have one kid home from school for one day each week.  Sports are back up and running for both kids.  We go pretty much anywhere we please.  We feel comfortable seeing our families.  I don't wipe down my groceries anymore.  We ate in a restaurant twice in the last week.  But ultimately, we still mask and we still work from home, and those are biggies.  Otherwise, most areas of life seem very close to what they once were.  If nothing else, it is night and day compared to where we were a year ago, even if it's still not quite where it was before all this started.  

The work part is this giant conundrum for me.  On one hand, I miss the office and the relationships it offers.  I can feel very isolated and distracted here, which is hard.  On the other hand, being home allows me to sleep in, skip the commute, keep up with laundry and dishes, eat what I want, and wander into the yard to visit my flowers whenever I want.  All of those things are great, and the flowers alone have been a much needed mental boost, so I sometimes wonder how I will function once I no longer have them and need to go back to the same old routine.  I mean, things were fine then, but now that my eyes are open to all the other advantages, will it be that much harder to go back?  Quite possibly.  

A year ago we could only dream of starting to come out the other side of this.  We hoped it would be sooner rather than later, of course, and thank goodness we didn't know how long all of this would go on.  But now that things are starting to happen, it's harder than I imagined and it's a lot more to process than I expected.  It's not so much a fear as it is a simplification of life for us and a desire to keep others safe.  I worry so much less about the virus itself and more about just making smart choices so we don't have to worry about the virus or things like quarantine.  For a long time it wasn't clear what those smart choices were, so after all this time that part is a little easier.  I still worry about Jacob playing basketball, maybe more than anything else, but the benefits seem to outweigh the risks.  School is a slight worry, but not enough to keep them home.  We're not afraid to eat in restaurants, but where the kids are involved we're still keeping it to when it's truly convenient or needed.  Particularly now, we don't have time to be quarantined, so if we can avoid that (and the virus), I'll take a couple extra steps to up our chances of staying safe.  It's not a big deal for us.  Others may feel differently, but for now we're okay.  But reopening is definitely a lot different than I thought it would be.

I'm definitely trying to keep perspective on life these days and be grateful where I can.  The accident felt pretty big, obviously, but even within that there were a lot of things to be thankful for.  I'm safe, I was alone in the car, the car can be driven until we can get it in for repairs, and we have insurance that should take care of everything relatively cheaply (compared to what the repairs would be, anyway).  I've been on the worse end of things before and it was horrible, so in comparison this seems much more manageable.  If that wasn't enough, I had extra doses of perspective this week, too.  On Thursday I took Carter to his therapy appointment, and as I waited in the waiting room, I saw multiple parents with kids who clearly had far more severe issues, ranging from non-verbal and immobile to likely somewhere on the mid-functioning spectrum.  It makes our problems seem tiny in comparison, since our kids mostly seem normal from the outside.  We can at least fake it, but those parents have 24/7 hard jobs they probably didn't willingly sign up for.  Our stuff feels hard, but nothing like that.  Then today, as we were driving to Jacob's tournament, I saw that my former co-worker--one who got let go the same day I did and who I enjoyed seeing at Knighthawks games periodically--announced that her 13-year-old daughter has cancer.  She's only about seven months older than Jacob.  She's an adorable girl who thought she had a pinched nerve, but instead has sarcoma.  I don't know the prognosis, but it's still cancer and it's still scary to know she'll be going through all that treatment.  She's so young to live with the side effects, the life-long worry, and the risk of death.  It's heartbreaking, even though it's clear she's going to fight it like crazy.  She's a tough martial arts girl, so hopefully she can kick cancer to the curb.  That alone makes our day-to-day stuff seem so simple.

On the brighter side, I'm almost done with round 2 of planting--my garden went in today along with our experimental pumpkin garden and some morning glory seeds that I'm going to try to have climb our lamp posts.  I planted my Mother's Day geranium in the ground and last weekend's plantings are starting to grow little sprouts.  If the weather holds out tomorrow after basketball I hope to lay down some mulch and plant some vinca flowers under our front yard tree.  It only pops up shoots and weeds inside the edging, so rather than be annoyed all the time, I'm going to dig out what I can and camouflage anything else that comes up by having flowers already there.  Some of this feels excessive (and expensive!), but I figure if we're still going to be spending a lot of time here, the least I can do is enjoy watching things grow again.  Oh, and since we're having no luck finding a deck builder for our pool, we got lucky yesterday when my mom found a neighbor selling a nice pool ladder for cheap!  We were hesitant to buy new stairs for this summer (after ours broke for good last year) since we'll likely need something else for the deck, but that temporary problem got solved for $20 (assuming we can fit them in the van)!  So, much like it's been for the last year, it's the little things that brighten our days and keep us chugging along.

Speaking of chugging along, Memorial Day is next weekend, Jacob has just two four-day weeks left of school, and Carter is down to 4-1/2 weeks.  Carter potentially has medication (!) and (voluntary, remote) summer school coming his way in the weeks ahead, and there are two basketball trips on the horizon for Jacob, so we won't be chilling out much at all coming up.  After a quiet year, I suppose we're up for it all, but we're still taking things one day at a time.  Some days that's all we can handle, but it's amazing how quickly they add up in the midst of it all.  Even if all of this hasn't been the way we planned it, we have a lot of life to live.

Almost Normal (But Somewhat Out of Practice)

This past weekend felt weirdly close to a normal, pre-COVID weekend, probably as close as we've been since it all began.  In fact, it marked the first time we stayed in a hotel as a family since the middle of October 2019, more than 18 months ago when we went to the then-defending NBA champion Raptors' preseason game and saw the championship trophy in person the same day.  Now the Raptors are out of the playoffs, so it's clearly been a while.  It seems crazy that it was our first hotel stay in a new decade that's nearly a year and a half old already.

Heading into the weekend we were basking in the glory that was finally getting into the sunny 60s we should have been having for a couple weeks now.  Everything is exploding outside, from the pretty stuff you want to see, to the stuff you don't (stupid weeds are already out of control).  I took a little walk around the yard on Friday during lunch, which was one of the things that kept me sane last year.  This is what I found...  

This entire azalea is now in bloom.  It's not the healthiest thing--it gets a fungus every year--but it had a ton of buds this year and they are gorgeous!

Found these cute wild violets in the way back near where I want to plant pumpkins.

The weather wasn't the only thing making me absolutely restless on Friday afternoon as I finished off work for the week.  We found out literally Friday morning that Jacob's tournament that was supposed to be in Buffalo that weekend was now going to be played in Syracuse on Sunday, which meant getting a last minute hotel.  So between that, getting my new hair curling tool (!), and the weather, I was definitely distracted!

On Saturday morning, I wanted to get out for a run before a busy few hours prior to getting on the road.  It was a solid three miles of distance but with a couple short walking stints.  Hopefully now that the weather is better I can get more consistent and get my bike up and running, too.  But at the end of my run I captured this sort of ethereal photo of the crab tree next door against the bright blue sky.

After my run I ran out to Five Below, Old Navy, and both Lowe's and Home Depot because Lowe's didn't have what I needed.  I needed to pick up a bunch of miscellaneous things at Five Below, I tried to get a new set of masks for Carter at Old Navy because a few of his went missing (no luck, oddly), and I mostly needed shepherd hooks from Lowe's but figured I'd pick up mulch and garden soil if I was going to be waiting in line anyway.  They didn't have any hooks, though, so I went to Home Depot, which was an absolute madhouse.  But I braved it and got what I needed.  That meant I could come home and try to work on the yard a bit before we left for Syracuse.  

I put potting soil in two hanging pots I got from the dollar store weeks ago and hung them on their hooks where our two trees used to be.  I put soil in our rectangular planter that held my beloved zinnias last year, then decided I overbought on seeds (they were so cheap at the dollar store and appeared to be the same brand as I had last year) so I brought out an old hanging pot and another pot I had kept on the patio last year and filled those, too!  I had a mix of zinnia seeds--some from last year's packet, some that I tried to preserve from my favorite blooms last year, plus a couple new packets of zinnias and a pack of something called cosmos.  So now I have all sorts of pots planted and just have to wait!

This coming weekend I hope to have time to plant my garden, put down some mulch, and attempt two other experiments--planting morning glory seeds in the soil under our lamp posts in the back (in hopes they'll climb up) and throwing down some garden soil in a patch in our way-back to plant all of our crazy pumpkin seeds from last year.  I'm not sure it will get quite enough sun, but I think it's worth a shot!  More critters back there, I suppose, but we'll see how it goes.  Anyway, I wrapped the planting up as quickly as I could and scrambled to get things together to leave.  I feel like we're a little out of practice for these weekends.  My list is still good but the last-minute stuff felt harder this time. 

 

We wanted to get on the road before 4pm so we could make it to our dinner destination, FLX Fry Bird, the same place we discovered a few weeks back when we were out that way for a tournament.  We were supposed to have another tournament nearby this spring and wanted to go back, but that one got changed so we figured this was a good opportunity to try again since it was only about 10 minutes off the Thruway.  Ironically, we just found out today that we'll be back at the same spot as the first tournament, so we could return again--haha!  The kids will ask, trust me!  Anyway, dinner was great!  We took some pictures in our joy upon arrival...

Carter was very excited about his chicken and waffle with syrup.  Look at that happy boy with his giant piece of chicken!

This was my meal--basically the same except I tried gravy this time instead of the "loaded" one I had last time with burger toppings like lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles and a secret sauce.  This was really good, though--nice peppery gravy!

We were really in great spirits once we left and finished off the last 45 minutes to Syracuse.  The hotel was decent, especially considering we got it that day.  It was close to the highway, close to the gym, and close to the mall!  We ended up going out to the giant mall in the evening just to keep ourselves awake and check out a few things.  Jacob ended up getting a couple things and we browsed (and once again no luck at Old Navy on the kid masks, which was so weird) until most things were closed (as it seems they close before the mall due to COVID now--probably staffing).  

We headed back and pretty much just started getting ready for bed, but not much sleep was had that night, by any of us.  The kids flopped around, and Craig and I dealt with elbows and kicks.  Craig was worried about Carter falling out of bed, and I just couldn't sleep deeply for anything, for no other clear reason, despite taking sleeping medicine.  Morning came too early and it was hard to drag ourselves out of bed.  I finally got up and showered, but in the end it wasn't soon enough--everyone followed behind me and we ended up running late.  Again, out of practice!  Breakfast was limited but we did what we could to grab items before leaving.  We just should have packed before that and eaten in the car.  Oops.  On the bright side, before all that I did get to curl my hair with my new CHI Spin and Curl, which curls my hair SO good!  I have lost my touch with curling irons, and now that my hair is so long, I was ready to try something fun and different.  This makes it so easy and it looked really cute.  I loved seeing it in the mirror looking so pretty and different than how straight it is 99.9% of the time.  One of those little things that can make me happy when things get complicated, I guess!  I won't do it often, but maybe once in a while when I need a boost.  And maybe when that gets boring I'll finally cut off a couple inches!

Even though we were running late, only part of the team was there when we arrived.  So in the end it wasn't a big deal.  We got out to a great start, and Jacob scored 7 of the first 9 points to put the team out to a big lead.  But then things got more challenging and eventually the lead slipped away.  They ended up losing by four points in overtime, which was a bummer.  Carter and I ran out for a caffeine fix for me and a donut for him in between games, and then we watched game 2.  Jacob ended up with only two points in that one but he played really well and his team squeaked out a win.  Because there wasn't a deciding third game, if they could have won that first game, they'd have won the tournament, so that first loss was a big bummer.

Streaking toward the hoop (in black)

We stopped at the outlets on the way home and I finally found masks for Carter at Old Navy #3!  We looked at Nike and Under Armour and the big boys got breathable masks for working out.  We stopped in Victor for a late lunch (Chipotle for the boys and wood fired pizza for me!) before heading home.  After unpacking and starting laundry, I managed to summon enough energy to hack my way overgrown burning bushes, too!  It was so needed because I couldn't really see anything off the porch!  All in all, it wasn't a bad 24 hour trip, and it felt like a very complete, well-rounded weekend, even if we're not the smoothest travelers at the moment.

The beginning of the week has been a story of highs and lows.  Last night Carter had his second soccer game, and he rocked it!  After not scoring in his first full season (other than maybe a shared goal), he got THREE goals!  It was awesome.  He said his coach said to move out of the pack, so he did and it worked!  It was so cool to see!  His team is really good, too, so it's been fun to watch.

   

Tuesday was not so good.  I had to go to the doctor's office for the follow-up to the sinus CT scan I had last week, but on the way I got in an accident.  Much like my last accident that happened when I was pregnant with Carter, this one started with a swerve.  A dump truck was changing lanes and didn't see the car that snuck into the exit lane behind them, and that car swerved when the truck almost hit it, which set off a few swerves that made it over to me two lanes over.  I ended up hitting someone in the side and banging up my front driver side, which I think might have saved me from getting hit harder in the front by a different swerving car.  Fortunately it was driveable and I wasn't hurt, but the driver of the car I hit has a sore back and neck, unfortunately.  And the worst part?  None of the vehicles that started it all apparently had any damage because all of them (including one that ended up turned the other way) left before the cops arrived.  So I'm guessing I'll end up liable, which sucks.  But I'm thankful it wasn't worse.  The ironic thing is that my past accidents have both happened while pregnant and I totaled my car both times, so in comparison this seems simple.  But I'm still frustrated.  It just complicates everything, costs money, and will probably screw up our insurance.  And I know this probably just makes me look like a terrible driver, but I'd really appreciate if people would stop swerving in front of me!  Adding insult to (near) injury, I couldn't reschedule my appointment until July 1, which puts off this part of working on my smell issues and also puts off getting a first opinion on the issue I'm having with the pulsating noises in my right carotid artery.  I guess I can work on acupuncture in the meantime and look into smell training, but it really just sucks all around.  Oh, and we had a weird outbreak of carpenter ants in our bathroom today after seeing a few here and there in the last month, so that was concerning as well.  I need to talk to my friend who works for the company that treated our mice last year, but it's not going to be cheap.  Pretty sure they're coming from around our toilet, which probably has the wood they like courtesy of water seeping under the toilet when it overflows.  That might mean we need to remove the toilet to find the nest (we need a new one anyway), but I think we probably need to replace our valve, too, since it leaked the last time I touched it.  Everything just keeps adding up.

So, not the best day today, but hopefully we can work through this stuff quickly and get back on track soon.  

News and Notes, A Long Time Ago and Far Far Away Edition

We've once again reached that time of year that I can't help but reminisce about Knighthawk championship games and trips.  Last year on this blog I recounted the trips I took to Phoenix and Washington/British Columbia, plus the fun days we had on Knighthawk home championship games.  Even two months into the pandemic, those trips were so bittersweet, let alone now when we're 14 months in and haven't done anything of real interest in ages.  In the midst of our less-than-exciting weather lately (stuck in the lower 50s when it should be in the mid-60s), I was reminiscing about the day I left for Phoenix when it was a gorgeous 70 degrees and I took the most lovely bike ride with my new bike.  I think back to my other trip, too, when it was super warm and humid as I ran on the New Westminster river walk and stood out in the warm sun before going into the arena.  Without that kind of weather and without a trip on the horizon, those moments feel so impossible these days.  Not to mention that all those games took place in full arenas when social distancing wasn't even a real term.

This past weekend was Mother's Day weekend, and we ended up doing our Buffalo swing on Saturday.  We stopped in at my parents for a little bit (since I just saw them a bunch last weekend) so I could drop off flowers, and then we headed to Craig's family because we were having the "remote" version of the fundraiser dinner we had a couple years ago when I won the amazing Mixtape Tour concert tickets.  It really hit home again with this event's return how far removed we are from life when we last attended.  Not only could we not imagine being in the same room as a couple hundred other people right now, but the concert itself would be unthinkable.  Sitting near a dozen people I don't know, unmasked?  Yikes!  We just didn't know how good we had it, and we never could have imagined what the next year held.  Even still, I have to admit that the take-home dinner was delicious!  Salad, rolls, charcuterie-to-go, filet, mashed potatoes with a brown gravy, tiny carrots, and cheesecake with strawberries, all in a cooler bag with insulated wine tumblers and a bottle of wine for each couple.  And the way they prepared the meat, it heated up perfectly at home, so it was just as good as it was in person.  We missed the dressing up and browsing the auction items in person, but it was still a fun evening hanging out with family.  We drove home pretty late, stuffed to the gills!  

Sunday was a bit of a mixed day.  I woke up still feeling a little full and still tired (which I think was the product of the ongoing very long week, starting with the garage sale, into the Confirmation, and ending with my work Day of Giving and the hangover from that).  Jacob had basketball training in the morning, so it was just Carter and me going to church.  We're now choosing to sit in the gym for the foreseeable future since the main worship center is optional masking while seated.  I'll admit it's a bit disappointing.  There was definitely an older crowd in the gym.  I was a little bummed that Jacob missed his first Sunday to take communion, but hopefully soon.  Carter picked out a carnation for me on the way out of church...

 

And he made this cute flower for me in Sunday School...

 

When we got home, he eagerly gave me his gift from school, which he'd been excitedly talking about all week.  Even his teacher mentioned what a good job he did.  And it was really pretty great.

It's hard to get him to write more than a line or two, so when I saw this letter, I was super impressed!

He also made me this tissue paper candle.  I have a similar one in different colors from Jacob, probably from around the same age but without the words or photo.

It wasn't too exciting of a day after that.  I tried to nap and relax a bit, especially while Craig took the boys out to buy Carter's new soccer cleats.  As dinner approached, I ended up frustrated again (just like last year) because all of the restaurants we wanted to order from had shut down their online ordering.  It appears that a lot of businesses just don't have the staff right now.  With there being extra unemployment payments right now, a lot of low-wage jobs just can't get people.  But the thing is, while I know there are probably some "lazy" people out there that just prefer not to work, most people go where the money is.  That probably means that the people who would otherwise take those jobs can't afford to take them--whether unemployment simply pays more (which probably means businesses need to pay a living wage) or working means paying out too much in child care due to school not being fully in session, I don't know.  It's a terrible, impossible situation right now.  We just ended up making do with leftovers and a frozen meal I had been saving for a "special occasion".  Sigh.  We watched E.T. to finish off the evening.  Not the best Mother's Day, but also not the worst.

Monday was Carter's first night of soccer!  It had been weird leading up to it because we signed up at the very last minute a couple months ago and then mostly heard nothing.  A couple weeks ago I got an email with a schedule change--though I hadn't seen a schedule to begin with--and then we got an email that our coach was unable to continue.  We didn't hear anything else, so the other day I emailed the league and asked what was happening, at which point the head person emailed me back and sent something out to the team about Monday and who would be coaching.  We're still not sure about practices or anything like that, but at least we got Monday's game in.  It was rather chilly--only around 50 degrees and breezy--but at least the sun was out until it set behind the clouds.  We tried to layer up, but as Carter stood in goal I could tell he was cold!  We were pretty chilly ourselves, but it was manageable compared to some of Jacob's sports over the years!

I was a little nervous about how this would go, for so many reasons.  Carter hasn't been too into much of anything over the past year other than screen time, so I wasn't sure he'd really be on board for this when the time came, even though he said he'd do it when we signed up.  He's sometimes skittish around other kids because he hasn't had the best experience at school this year, and doing organized activities as dictated by an authority figure hasn't been his strong suit.  But the kid still loves to run, so I was hopeful he'd at least be into that part.  And he was!

The best part was that as people were showing up and getting their uniforms, I heard the name "Ben" come up, and sure enough, one of Carter's best buddies who was on his last soccer team two years ago is on his team again!  I think that probably gave him an extra level of comfort.

He did well--he definitely moves and gets up the field when he needs to, and isn't afraid to get a little physical.  I had a fear it would be obvious he'd spent most of his time on screens in the last 14 months, but he really seemed to fit in pretty well!  The team as a whole was really strong--their opponent barely got over midfield!  We were treated to a fabulous sunset as we sat, so I couldn't resist getting a shot of Carter with it postgame!

He's been really into it ever since, asking to practice in the yard every day and wanting to know when his next game is.  It's so great to see him into something other than his games, and I think maybe he sees this as his moment to shine because it's something he's good at that Jacob isn't.  It's definitely interesting but I'm so proud of him for giving it a shot and working hard.

So, here we are in the midst of another week.  Tomorrow is another CT scan for me in the quest to chill out my sinuses and find a solution for my smell and taste.  It's probably just a waste of money as I'm more likely the victim of a different 11-years-ago coronavirus, but sometimes in processes like these, you just have to do the next thing.  Acupuncture will be the thing after this!  I don't know if this is allowed, but I'm going to ask the radiologist if they'll capture any images (purposely or incidentally) of my carotid artery that's been giving me lots of pulsating sounds lately.  It appears that a CT scan can see blockages so if they can get a view that might capture something there, it would help me know if it's worth talking to my doctor (or at least having something ready to go if I do call about it).  So maybe it'll be worth it in a different way than I'm expecting.  

Jacob has a one-day tournament in Buffalo this weekend, hopefully the first one I get to see in a while!  I also need to try to set aside some time to get out in my already-overgrown yard and treat plants that are getting diseased a month or so earlier than usual.  It looks like the weather might finally be turning a corner so I'm excited to start planting where I can!  Seeing my seed packets (and our crazy pumpkin seeds from the fall) in the garage got me excited for my flowers all over again!  I can't wait to see what might grow.  It's usually the highlight of my lunch or work break to venture out into the good weather and check them out.  We've got a long way to go before anything grows, but it's nice to know it's finally getting closer to reality as the temps look to stick in the 60s.  Now if I can just make the most of it with some runs and bike rides!

I guess that's the bulk of what's been going on lately.  Same old, same old with work, Jacob has less than a month left of school, and Carter has only five more at-home days himself.  It's hard to believe we're not that far from Memorial Day and all that summer has to offer...hopefully, anyway!

2 for 2

Well, it's official.  Carter has ADHD, too.  To be honest I would have been more surprised if they told us he didn't have it, so it's not like it really changes anything at the moment.  The therapist was probably shocked when we didn't do more than nod and shrug, but between having been through it with Jacob and being nearly positive that Carter's behavior was a textbook case, it was sort of a "been there, done that" moment.  

So now what?  Well, we start therapy.  I'm honestly not sold on this therapist yet.  He's pretty new, sort of a low talker, and so far hasn't shown signs of really relating to Carter.  I felt like the evaluation was really by the book--like literally, he was reading us descriptions and explanations right out of the paperwork.  We filled out a few evaluations, his teacher did a set of scales and the school psychologist provided some insights from observations, and beyond that he basically observed Carter in passing while he was reviewing paperwork with us for two sessions.  How you can diagnose someone without talking to them at length, I'm not entirely sure.  I don't think the numbers are wrong, mind you, but it struck me as different than what happened with Jacob.  Jury's out, but we'll see.

Next up, the therapist checks in with the school and we maybe consider a 504 plan to ensure he gets whatever help he needs, which would probably still be on a pretty low level.  Maybe a different seating arrangement, maybe a little more time or an extra break.  He might try out some social skills classes at the therapist's office.  And yes, we're trying to start the process toward medication.  Maybe that seems quick, but we've been dealing with symptoms for long enough that it's clear behavior modification is hard, and at the very least will take awhile.  It's not like we haven't been trying already.  We saw medicine make such a huge difference for Jacob at school.  He went from hating school and disliking his teacher to liking school and loving his teacher.  While Carter may not have the same immediate change (they are SO different, after all), even the thought of taking some of that school burden off him sounds so huge.  He has struggled for so long, and the idea of being able to even the playing field a bit, to calm all that's rushing through his brain, and to give his body a break could make a huge difference for him.  I want all of this to be easier for him, and I really think we need to take the edge off before anything else can start to work.

The problem is that we don't have a timeline on the medication.  Apparently we get put in a queue.  I don't know if that will be short or long.  If it goes more than a couple weeks, I will likely see if I can check in with our pediatrician to get him started.  Unless someone has a very specific plan, I feel like we'd start with the one Jacob took since he didn't have any negative reactions to it (and genetically that seems safest, no?), so I feel like it doesn't have to be a big to-do if that's set up to be our starting point.  Just find the right dose and let's get it started.  My urgency is that I'd like to get him started while school is still in session, since his teacher will definitely have feedback if she sees a difference.  We'll see him at home, too, particularly on Wednesday, but school is a whole different animal in many ways, so I know her feedback is essential.  On top of that, it would give me serious peace of mind to know before the end of school if it's working so we can either make changes over the summer or simply be comfortable we can start third grade on the best possible note.  I don't want him getting a rough start, getting that negative reputation, and then having to try to make a comeback in the midst of much harder school work.  Third grade is what broke Jacob, essentially, as he had never struggled academically until then.  That was our sign that he needed more help.  Carter has never been at that same level academically, so the more we can do to help him, the better.

Interestingly, he did not score on the anxiety scale we filled out, but did come out "above average" for the sensory one.  He's shown a little anxiety here and there (like when 4-day school was restarting), and he obviously has some concern over self-esteem and how he presents himself, but his was nowhere near what we have seen with Jacob, and even he never had an anxiety diagnosis.  But the sensory thing is interesting.  If you look at some of the symptoms of Sensory Processing Disorder, he definitely fits the bill in many ways.  He has had minor issues with foods and clothes--he still can't eat mashed potatoes, or really any non-fried potatoes without gagging--and he has complained many times about music or other background noise bothering him.  He complained a couple weeks ago about his new, full classroom of kids being distracting, too.  His motor skills are hit or miss--he can run like the wind but his balance is iffy, and while screens and games have always come naturally to him, writing and drawing have always been a struggle.  I think in many cases, it's hard for him to take what's in his brain and translate it to paper.  Anyway, the therapist seemed to indicate we could dig into that later.

In the meantime we'll focus on reducing impulsivity, hyperactivity, and lack of focus.  We'll work on the sibling rivalry and the disrespectful talk.  We have plenty to think about, that's for sure.  But of course, since we pretty much knew this was coming, it doesn't change much other than to be another vivid reminder to be mindful of what he can and can't control.  It's hard to realize both our kids were dealt different versions of the same crappy hand, but Jacob is proof that functionality is possible.  We definitely have our challenges with him, too, but we are SO much more functional as far as he's concerned than we were years ago.  Now we have teenage stuff to deal with, which is a whole different ballgame anyway.  I've always feared both together, and while we have our moments, so far we're okay.  We sort of always knew he was going to be a challenge (from 18 months on, anyway), but Carter was more of a surprise since he seemed pretty typical right up through around four.  Something seemingly went off the rails at that point, but it's hard to know what.  Was the beginning of reading and writing too much?  Were his daycare teachers inadequate at managing him or were the kids bad influences?  Did all of the bullying from his big brother hurt his self-esteem and ultimately encourage him to hide in his room with a non-judgmental device?  Was the pandemic a major player, or just the straw that finally broke the camel's back?  His brain definitely works in a very specific, quite rigid way right now, and it's a far cry from the laid back, sweet kid he once was.  That part hurts more than anything.  But we'll fight to find that kid again, as I think he's just buried in there somewhere under the rapid-fire brain and body.  I hope so, anyway....for all of our sakes.

From Surviving to Thriving - A Wonderfully Wild Weekend

What. A. Weekend.  

Or more accurately, what a crazy five days.  Things really got going Wednesday when Jacob had his Faith Fair and rehearsal for this weekend's Confirmation.  As I mentioned in a previous post, his Confirmation had been a bit of a struggle.  We made a pretty good comeback--though not without a lot of angst--in order to get him ready for everything.  He finished his video learning sessions a few weeks ago, last week was the final weekly gathering, he got up to around 14 hours of community service, and last weekend we got moving on his Faith Fair board.  It's sort of like a science fair, stand-up boards and all, but for faith.  We got started the previous Saturday but then he ended up getting a chance to play basketball in Erie on Sunday (and did well playing for essentially a JV team!), so we had to finish it in the evenings on Monday and Tuesday.  In the end it all came together well--I think even he was surprised when he started gluing things on the board and it looked good!

The board included his name, his assigned Bible verse, explanations of the six symbols (three personal and three spiritual) on his stole (to the right in the photo above), and six statements he had to complete based on the five G's that our church abides by - Give, Grow, Go, Gather, and Gospel - as well as one about "Next Steps".  It took a little coaching to get him there on some, but in the end he did a nice job.

Wednesday evening all of the boards got hung in the church along the windows so they were on display that night, for Sunday church, and for the service itself on Sunday.  It was neat to see everyone's boards--such variety!  One even had lights!

Obviously going through all of this masked and somewhat distanced made things much different, but the kids were troopers.  They had a lot of stuff to take in that night, to figure out how they would go up to get confirmed, to take communion, etc., all with keeping distance.  It brought back a lot of memories of my own Confirmation and first communion (oh, the awkwardness), and Jacob and I shared a few snickers about it all.  It was interesting to learn that night as they talked about communion that Jacob had something in common with the youth pastor and his wife--they're all gluten-free!

Jacob is second from the top left

Thursday was an absolutely CRAZY day.  We had an appointment for Carter in the morning, and then I had a ridiculous amount of work to do by 5pm.  In a perfect world I would have taken the afternoon off to get ready for my mom's garage sale, but the work was urgent and plentiful so I had no choice.  In the middle of it all I spent my entire lunch trying to load the van (with all the seats folded down) with everything I was taking, and it was super stressful.  I could barely fit my suitcase!  The biggest problems were the kid table and chairs, the tricycle, the crib, the wagon, and the big wheel.  Beyond that we had a lot of boxes that couldn't stack and a couple bags of soft stuff like bedding.  It was essentially the Tetris game from hell, but eventually we got it figured out.  I sped through a ton of work stuff until 5pm, when I got as close as I could get to finishing, then got going on dinner.  The boys had to leave around 6:30 for training, and I crammed in my luggage and a couple last minute items and finally took off around 6:45...only to have to turn around and come back 15 minutes later because I forgot my phone!  I was pretty demoralized at that point, just overwhelmed from a tiring day and knowing there was still a lot of work to do once I reached my destination.  I already didn't have time (or energy) to waste, so it was pretty frustrating.  All week I had felt short on time and sleep, burning the candle at both ends while keeping work afloat, everyone where they needed to be, and get the house clean and plans squared away for the weekend.  It was a very rough moment but I tried to just push through once again.  I was back on the road at 7:15, and to my parents shortly after 8:30, at which point my mom and I unloaded most of the van in the rain and tried to place whatever we could on tables, which were already nearly overflowing at that point.  We left the big stuff in and only brought it out in the morning once the rain stopped (just before we opened, thankfully).  Unfortunately, it was cold (40s) and rather windy, which made that day pretty miserable as a whole.  But at least it wasn't raining!

A lot of the stuff was my parents', but my mom had rescued some items from the leftovers of the estate sale at my late aunt and uncle's house that had some value, which added more.  My stuff definitely rounded out the variety but it also nearly got us to the point where it was hard to process what you were seeing because there was so much piled on tables.  I spent much of that day trying to stay warm, chasing down baskets as they blew out of their boxes, and rearranging items on tables to spread them out as things sold, along with a few stints as money-taker.  My aunt came to help us, and admittedly it was wonderful to be with my mom and aunt (and my dad after hours) without worrying about masks.  We were all vaccinated and outside, so it was the safest I'd felt around family in ages.  

 

We had pretty steady business all morning and parts of the afternoon on day one, and were steady pretty much all day Saturday, when almost everything was half-price and the weather was much more tolerable (still cold but sunny and far less wind).  While there were twinges of sadness as bits of my life and my kids' childhood sold off, I knew it was important and really good to clear things out so those items could find new life with someone else.  The baby bedding, the big wheel, the bubble mower, the LeapPad tablet, and a handful of other items brought back a lot of memories, but it was time.  We had visits from lots of church friends (new and old) and a couple family members (I finally got to meet my cousin's seven-month-old son!), and slowly but surely cleared things out.  We were optimistic when Friday went well despite the wind and cold, particularly knowing we had half price day coming up on Saturday.  And sure enough, Saturday we really moved a lot of stuff!  Even things like stuffed animals sold.  In the end, we did REALLY well!  It felt so good after so much craziness over the past weeks trying to gather things around my house and price them, then pack them up and transport them.   

 

When things finally ended on Saturday around 2, I stuck around to help my mom pack up the rest to donate.  There were still a good number of boxes and stand-alone larger items, but it was a small fraction of what we started with and very manageable.  I brought home the crib (darn it--need to find a Buy Nothing page here), and a box and bin of stuff.  Most of it was stuff I brought that didn't sell--but only things that I figured I could save for my sweet godson or try to sell at consignment.  I brought a few little trinkets--two ornaments and two other small Christmas items that held memories for me--and one old toy that I thought Carter might like to try.  But that was it.  And when I walked in my empty office for the first time in close to a year (between donations and things I was going to try to consign and never did), it was amazing!  Beyond that you can't see much difference in the visible part of the house, but the garage, linen closet, kitchen cabinets, toy bins, and crawl space all got a little relief.  And at my mom's house, the eventual task of downsizing (or hopefully way down the road, cleaning out the house when my parents are gone) got a lot easier.

 

I came home tired but somewhat euphoric that I had survived so much action on Thursday, all of the garage sale tasks Friday and Saturday, and made money and cleaned stuff out, all in a weekend.  But there was no rest for the weary.  Before I even finished unpacking, I was baking two round cakes for Sunday!  Obviously a big gathering still doesn't feel wise, but we figured if we pared it down to grandparents and godparents, everyone would be vaccinated, so that's what we decided to do.  And since we never got to have a proper birthday party for Carter (and he already got his gifts separately), I thought we could take this opportunity to sing to him and finally get him his special 8th birthday cake!  Don't worry, I knew Jacob wouldn't care about his thunder being stolen if it meant more cake!  He wanted cupcakes, which were easy, so it all worked out--chocolate cake for Carter and Funfetti cupcakes for Jacob!  I managed to get the two cake layers baked and mostly frosted and the cupcakes baked by the time I went to bed on Saturday night.  Oh, and in case you were wondering how I was managing to get other food together in a short period of time, well...after much thought and consideration, I decided to give myself a break and give Jacob a special treat--we did Chipotle catering!  It was comparable in price to what we'd spend on catering anywhere, and Jacob loves Chipotle.  And honestly, once you work in what you'd spend on meat, side dishes, etc., it really wasn't a prohibitive amount more.  And given the weekend I'd had, I felt quite justified--especially once the sale made more than enough to pay for it!  

Letting someone else handle the food meant I only had to decorate Carter's cake on Sunday morning, and that was doable!  Decorating actually went super smoothly--although it helped that I bought a bunch of pre-made icing packs so I didn't have to mix up frosting colors as I went.  But I have to be honest, there were so many times over the course of the weekend, at least after I forgot my phone, where I felt like God had His hand on the whole thing and was setting me up for smooth sailing.  There were so many things that could have gone wrong or been harder than they had to be, and each time, they just weren't!  I was nervous about the drive to NT because of all the stuff in the van, and despite downpours most of the way, it was fine.  I was nervous about the sale and overflowing tables and the wind and rain, and aside from a couple minor issues, it was fine.  I was worried about ending up with so much unsold stuff, or being extra sad about things we were selling, but all of that worked out in the end, too!  And when Sunday went smoothly (right down to finishing the cake with about 15 minutes to spare to get ready for church--which was still enough despite last minute bathroom cleaning!), it was such a relief and it all felt heaven-sent.

At church, we did one more photo with his Faith Fair board before taking down his stole for him to wear.

The service was nice.  It was wonderful to have a bunch of family in attendance.  Jacob did have a bit of a freakout in the middle of it because he wasn't clear that the Confirmation part and the communion part were separate.  He was worried when no one was going to the communion basket and our communication about it (quietly, through masks) was not going super well.  Eventually I got him to understand that he'd get confirmed first and then go back up for communion, and things went better from there.  Taking communion was an interesting experience.  He did not enjoy the gluten-free bread ("like a cracker without salt!") and the wine was a bit of a new flavor for him, but all went well.  It actually got a little emotional for me at times.  Seeing a video compilation of the confirmands' photos all together (particularly since they've been behind masks all along) and just thinking of the lives they have ahead of them made me think back to my own Confirmation and those I was confirmed with, some of whom I am still friends with.  Then I thought back to Jacob's baptism on that same altar almost 13 years ago, and it was a lot to take in knowing how far both of us have come over the years!

After church, I dispatched Craig to Chipotle and had my parents drive me back to the house so I could let everyone in and start getting ready for us to eat immediately!  It was so slick to have two boxes of Chipotle walk in the door about 10 minutes later, get them all set up with bowls and utensils provided, and have everyone grab food quickly and easily.  And it was SO good!  Not to mention that we've had a couple days of leftovers so far, which has been delightful during a busy week, as well!

As for the cake, we'd gone back and forth on a theme for months--from Roblox to Minecraft (again) to whatever else.  But when I was poking around on Pinterest, I found a cool Mario Kart cake, which made sense because he got the game for his birthday.  I can't remember exactly, but my search may have been prompted by seeing at Target that Hot Wheels had a Mario Kart line.  Upon further searching, I found a set that had Mario, Luigi, Dry Bones, and Donkey Kong, which was nearly perfect since the first two have to be there, and the last two are two of Carter's favorites.  Admittedly it wasn't cheap, but they'd be fun and he'd get to keep them in his Hot Wheels collection, so it still beat spending a ton of money on a gluten-free bakery cake.  I decided that since we already had cupcakes and I was using the best, fluffiest box mix out there (King Arthur is the bomb), I could get away with only doing one layer.  That meant less fuss and less frosting!  In the end, I chopped off the end of each circle to make the "8" and used the two slices to create a hill on the cake!  I made a faux tunnel (thank you Pinterest, for the tunnel inspiration), did road lines and grass, then started adding some of the obstacles and power-ups.

From the top-down: Finish line, turtle shell (right), power-up box (left), star (right), banana peel (right), walking bomb (center), and mushroom (left)

From the back

At the finish!

Better view of the bomb and banana (which I sort of got to be 3-D) and the elevation

I am kicking myself that I didn't take better pictures of all the little stuff, but it really came together nicely (and I love my new star tip that I did the base scalloping with)!  Again, every weird experimentation I did worked out so well, and it was almost fun to do instead of purely stressful!  I did almost have one car hanging off the side of the cake since that's usually me (and Craig) in the game--forever falling off cliffs and ledges!

One other complication for the day was that Jacob had a basketball tournament!  He had games the previous day (solid contributor as usual), but his game Sunday was basically right in the middle of the party.  Even worse, with transportation there and having to be there a bit early, it wouldn't even leave time to eat.  So, despite Craig's best efforts to figure out how to get him to play, I had to put my foot down and say no--Confirmation happens once and it had to take priority over one game in one of many tournaments, particularly since they were playing a team that would beat them soundly with or without Jacob (but it was also a team he loves to play because he knows all the kids).  Well...Saturday night we found out the game got moved to a venue at least 15 minutes closer, and we decided that if we let the coach know he'd get there last minute, we could make it work.  So, once we ate, we had to quickly take some pictures with us, the grandparents, and the godparents...

Always good to get a family picture!

Plus one with the cupcakes that totally DID NOT turn out like I envisioned...

I thought the gold sprinkles and yellow letters ("God Bless Jacob") would look better together, but in the end they looked more like deviled eggs (doh!)

And then we sang to Carter!

And with that, Jacob was off!  But it worked since we had plenty of time to honor him and then the birthday boy got to "take over" a bit as we enjoyed his cake.  Jacob ended up hitting two long three-pointers in a pretty rough loss, but he was happy he got to play.  My parents were the last to leave around when he got back, and that was pretty much it for the weekend.  It was a lazy rest of the evening after that, just getting up to snack once the Chipotle and cake finally digested!

Since then it's been another busy week, mostly because my work's Day of Giving was today.  Thursday's urgent work was the first round of preparations, and then it was full speed ahead doing data for about three dozen emails over the past two days and into today.  It has made for long days, and in fact, as I typed this I was waiting for 11pm to hit so I could do one last check of work emails before going to bed!  It was all worth it as we had an amazing day, but it is tiring!  It was extra hard going into this week knowing it would be a continuation of the crazy from the weekend, but here I am, almost through the worst of it!  And you know what, not only am I still standing, but I feel pretty good about it all!  I have accomplished an amazing amount of stuff over the past week, personally and professionally.  Am I tired?  Absolutely.  But rather than breaking me down like so much of the past 14 months has, I came out feeling empowered and proud and amazed at what I could accomplish.  I can't guarantee that feeling will stick, but it's been a nice distraction from the usual pandemic blahs.  And while all that was happening, today I looked at my calendar and realized that Jacob has less than a month left of school and Carter only has seven more weeks (which means only seven more days of homeschooling!).  I have no idea where this school year went, considering it seemed so endless for so long, but here we are.  And one of these days, the weather will get with the program and spring will be in full swing (aside from the flowers and trees, which already got the message).  I am really, truly hoping a better summer is ahead for all of us because we've been waiting a long time for it!  I'm trying not to wish time away, but I think we're all ready for a little more of the "good" action to return and summer is pretty key to that.  But in the meantime, I think we have just enough to keep us busy.  Now on to the next thing...