Thursday, April 6, 2017

Current Mood: Sad

Ugh, today is just sort of a bummer all around.  Today was supposed to be the first day of our vacation, yet here I sit at my desk post-lunch starting this post.  And like every other day I will go home, make dinner, wrangle a couple crazy kids until bedtime, and then veg out in my chair until my own too-late bedtime arrives, probably finishing up this blog post then.  Instead I'd hoped to be basking in 80 degree temperatures by the pool, eating fabulous food, and luxuriating in a gorgeous hotel room on the other side of the country.  I'd be doing all of it with the love of my life, away from the kids for more than a couple nights for the first time since there have been kids to be away from.  But it was not to be.  And between the loss of the adventure and much-needed bonding time and the mental break we both so desperately needed, I'm just sad about it.  It could have really been a great thing for us.  But recreating it on our own is not really in the budget at the moment.  Could we?  Possibly, but I don't really like the thought of taking an unplanned chunk out of our savings for something like that.  It may become necessary down the road (as I decided last year, about every 10 years we really should), but at the moment--if only because we're told there's a chance it could still happen--we just can't.

As I climbed into bed last night, I thought about how it should have been a night of frantic last-minute packing and planning, and how I actually would have welcomed being more stressed out--only if it meant jetting off to a few days of luxury.  But instead I climbed into bed as usual and got up for a day of work.  It was miserably rainy and cold here--and will probably snow tonight--which just adds insult to injury since it was in the 80s in Vegas.  I drove by the airport twice thinking about how, for weeks, I enjoyed the thought of flying out of there soon.  All of the plans I held off on for so long but ended up having to start making--like the list of notes for my parents or some shopping for "fun" clothes--were for naught after all.  It's all just a lot of wasted energy and excitement, and it's just a bummer to lose out on a chance to do so many things I rarely get to do. 

And as awful as I felt about all of this today, nothing compared to the sadness in my heart as I kept seeing the pictures in the news with the Syrian father and his nine-month-old twins who died in a recent chemical attack.  His wife and many other members of his family died, which makes it even worse, but the pictures of him holding his babies absolutely crushed me, much like the little refugee boy who washed up on the beach a few years ago or the other little boy who was photographed looking shellshocked while receiving medical attention after surviving some sort of attack.  These poor, innocent kids and their no doubt tortured parents are stuck in hell in their own country.  And now we're bombing Syria, which I'm not sure will make anything better.  I'm just so sad for those people, and seeing faces like those beautiful little babies who looked like they were sleeping but will never wake up, and that dad who is now all alone,  I just can't even.  It physically hurts.  It seems far away, but with our current president at the helm, I sort of feel like all bets are off and I wonder if there's any chance that someday we'll have attacks like that on our own turf and be the ones trying to figure out how to flee violence like refugees.  It may not be imminent, but it's not like it's impossible...and that thought is sobering.

So, yeah, everything about this day was pretty darn sad.  From the news to the weather to what could have been, it just sort of sucked.  I tried to put a little bit of good back in the world by giving blood for the first time in months.  After being turned away last time because my veins are a little temperamental, this time I had to go through two iron tests but eventually was able to successfully donate.  I feel like it's my duty as someone with O Negative blood and a mom who was saved by blood donation to give back, and it's not easy...but I'm trying to do it anyway.

Looking toward better things, we're heading to Buffalo for the weekend and will hand over the kids to my parents on Saturday morning before heading off for 24 hours alone.  It will be a nice break and I'm looking forward to spending time alone with Craig doing whatever we want.  We will probably go to the Broadway Market, get a nice dinner, and enjoy a night at the same hotel where we spent our wedding night.  Hopefully we can pick up the kids on Sunday and do something fun (ha...if only).  I was hoping for the Buffalo Science Museum, but the weather is going to be glorious, so we may need to rethink that.  But hopefully we'll be rested and relaxed and ready for another week with the kids.  But at least it's a short week that ends with Easter!

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