Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thoughts on Thanksgiving

I won't lie, there have been times this Thanksgiving that I've had trouble being thankful.  I know full well that I am blessed beyond belief.  I have a fantastic extended family (both sides), a loving husband, two kids, a beautiful (albeit messy) house, a good job, and a relatively comfortable lifestyle.  We got a nearly free trip to Disney this year.  Carter is the best baby I could have asked for.  We live in a place generally devoid of natural disasters (though the lake effect snow falling outside right now is a little more intense than I'd like for November).  My parents' 43rd wedding anniversary is today.  They're spending it in Portland with John and his family, so while I didn't get to see them, I'm happy their other grandkids are getting the chance to spend the holiday with their only grandparents.  We are so fortunate.  I know that. 

But it's been a tough year, no doubt.  Carter's birth was by far the highlight, but between a tough end to my pregnancy, the angst over stopping breastfeeding, Jacob's behavior and Celiac diagnosis, Carter's rice intolerance, and Craig's dad's open heart surgery, this year has been one challenge after another.  So while I know we have so much to be thankful for, the issues we've been going through have taken a little of the joy out of our day-to-day existence.  Nothing seems easy anymore.  Even something as simple as going out to dinner is a challenge now, for multiple reasons.  The new diet hasn't really helped Jacob's behavior, and we haven't made a lot of progress using other means.  Carter's intolerance being of the very thing that we're eating a lot of these days has not helped my stress level at all.  I feel like a lot of things in our lives are out of sync, and I just don't know how to fix them. 

It's not that I'm not thankful--I am--but all that we're dealing with has sucked a lot of the joy and simplicity out of our daily lives.  Thanksgiving is a lovely holiday, but there are so many things that we're harder about today because of Jacob's issues.  On top of it Carter had a rare bad day today--guessing it's either teeth or his lack of poop--so there were a lot of things on my mind this holiday.  I know my stress level won't be going down anytime soon, either, because my long to do list just got doubled with all of the Christmas decorating and shopping to come.  I'm tired, and it's not going to get any better anytime soon.

Still, I know we're blessed.  I'm thankful that Craig's Nana made it to this Thanksgiving, and that I could capture this picture a couple weeks ago:

Despite my annoying with the snow and the danger it poses, it was truly beautiful out my office window yesterday.

And, of course, I love my kids, even if I don't always know how best to manage them.  This little Indian boggles my mind in so many ways every day. 

We have so much to appreciate this Thanksgiving, but that's not going to stop me from wishing for a Christmas miracle.  We need one in the worst way.  God has been good, but  I miss our sense of pure joy. 

Happy Thanksgiving to our family and friends out there.  May this year give you many things to be thankful for.  And us, too.

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