Thursday, April 11, 2013

Things I Haven't Figured Out Yet

We're nearly two months into this baby thing again, and there are a handful of things I have yet to figure out:

1) How we can put a man on the moon but can't create formula powder that won't clump when added to water.  Those clumps, mind you, are industrial strength, so perhaps they should be used as some sort of industrial adhesive. Smushing blobs with a baby spoon is not how I want to spend five minutes of my morning.  On a related note, I find it very frustrating that this special formula is so much more expensive.  It can't cost THAT much more to make and I think it's crappy to penalize people who can't help the fact that their kid can't handle the regular stuff.  I know everyone's out to make a buck, but it seems so unfair.  I felt the same way during the dairy-free week about all those specialty foods.  Why do they have to cost so much more when many people have no choice but to use them?  It just adds insult to injury.  Oh, and one more thing...Why is it so hard to find the formula we need?  We found it in a couple places in the smaller can, but the big can is MIA at both Walmart and Target. I ordered four online last night, but we're probably going to need some before those arrive.  Annoying, mostly because you can't use coupons when you're ordering online.  Grrrr.

2) When my body is going to be itself again.  I know that I have to get back in the gym in order to get back into all of my old clothes, but there are still a couple other things that aren't quite back to normal.  Last Tuesday I woke up and felt nearly normal for the first time in months.  My chest had finally started to chill out and not have engorgement issues, and I was able to wear a normal bra for the first time.  My little chest is back, but I am still having odd sensations periodically, and I can't figure out if the "insides" are still adjusting, or if the skin is still a bit sensitive after all that trauma and the sensations I'm feeling are caused by rubbing against the bra fabric.  It could be both.  I'll miss the cleavage, but I'm much happier with how things fit otherwise.  Still, it would be nice to feel entirely like myself again.  And this belly can get out of here ASAP.

3) What Jacob really thinks of his little brother.  He seems completely uninterested at home, but whenever people ask him about being a big brother he acts like he's into it.  Daycare people have even used the term "excited" at times.  He's actually gone down to visit Carter in his new room at daycare this week.  I told him that his brother might like to hear his voice.  Who knows if that did it or if he's just been encouraged by everyone there to do it and felt he couldn't say no.  I know his bigger beef is with us most of the time (or rather, me), but it's hard to tell what's running through that head of his.

4) How to calm Carter.  I haven't stumbled upon a secret weapon for rocking him to sleep or calming his crying.  When he's hungry or getting his diaper changed, he's inconsolable.  Even daycare was shocked by the diaper thing!  But there hasn't been some sort of position or rocking technique that seems to work for him.  Thankfully I haven't had to do much middle-of-the-night rocking yet, as he usually goes down content, if not asleep, but I know those days are probably coming.  But as of yet, I haven't found his sweet spot that calms him down immediately.  Darn.

5) What to do with him when he's awake.  When he's awake and content, I could just stare at him for hours.  He's got these gorgeous eyes and kissable cheeks, and sometimes he makes the most amazing noises.  I talk to him, kiss him, and let him grab my fingers, but he's still not responding too much so a lot of it feels...I don't know, forced?  Wasted?  I know that ultimately it's good for him to hear me talk, and I suppose the kisses, hugs, and other touches let him know he's loved...but sometimes I wonder if he's sitting there thinking, "Geez, could she just leave me alone?"  A couple times I've brought out soft rattles or an O-Ball (a hollow, holey ball toy) to see if he could grip them or respond to the rattle noises, but it didn't really seem to work.  He doesn't respond directly to smiles or tickles yet, either.  So, in the end I'm sitting there talking to myself and wondering if I'm bothering him more than anything.  But if I don't do those things, I feel like I'm ignoring him.  If I pick him up and cuddle him or put him in his swing or seat, I feel like that will make him go to sleep and I don't always want that to be how I "deal" with him.  At least when he's eating we have a real activity!  Suffice it to say I'm eager to get into the phase of grasping at toys and smiling at stimuli.  That makes entertaining him much easier! 

6) Where Carter's coloring came from.  Right after he was born, I asked where the Italian kid came from.  His hair was dark and his body was full of hair.  I know that babies have hair in utero, so I suppose it wasn't entirely a surprise, but I think the dark color of it surprised me.  He had hair on his forehead, sideburns, shoulders, back, legs, and even the back of his ears.  I fully expected it all to fall out within a few weeks (since he was early and babies generally lose that hair (lanugo) around the time they're born), but from what I can tell, most of it is still there.  Jacob's hair was lighter, and Craig and I both had lighter hair as kids, so I fully expected another fair child.  And not only did Carter have dark hair, but his skin was a bit darker.  Not that he looks like another race or anything, but he definitely seems a little more "tan" than we'd have expected from two pasty parents.  All I can figure is that the little patch of genes from my mom's side of the family (still fair skinned in general, but they tan well) somehow made its way out.  Beyond that I have no idea.  Many people have mentioned it and I'm at a loss.  I'll be really interested to see what happens as time goes by.

7) Whether or not Carter looks like Jacob, or either of us.  Initially I didn't think they looked anything alike.  I knew what Jacob looked like when he was born and didn't feel like Carter looked anything like that.  The coloring may have been part of that, but even still...he looked different.  I decided at that time that he looked more like Craig, since I didn't see any resemblance to what I looked like as a baby.  Perhaps I thought that about Jacob, too, but he certainly evolved to look a lot like me.  I'm less convinced Carter will.  In the meantime I spend a lot of time comparing pictures of Jacob when he was Carter's age to what Carter looks like now, and it's hard to tell.  Sometimes I see faces that look similar, but other pictures don't look alike at all.  It's hard to know what's genetics and what's just the baby phase. 

I'm sure there are more things, but these are the big ones that float through my mind most frequently.  Parenthood is full of little mysteries...

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