Friday, October 19, 2012

The one thing I don't care about...

Despite obsessing over this gender stuff, and probably countless other things about pregnancy, there's one thing I realized I don't really care that much about this time.  I don't really care about looking fat.  To be clear, though, I still don't want to look frumpy or sloppy, but I don't really care if people think I've just put on a few pounds as long as what I'm wearing still looks presentable.

My big issue before we went to Atlanta was that nothing fit that criteria.  I tried on countless outfits and had a lot of options that just didn't work because I looked messy.  Fortunately I found a few that were good enough, but I just didn't want to look sloppy, particularly knowing I'd show up in some pictures here and there. 

I've definitely popped a bit in the last week or so.  My belly is definitely looking a little rounder (especially minus clothes) and it's getting harder to the touch.  I had no trouble trying on maternity clothes last weekend, which was a far different experience than my early shopping last time.  I still have a long way to go and nothing's really rounded out enough for my liking.  The bottom of the bump is still a little beer-belly-ish, my belly button is a concave hole in the middle, and my maternity shirts are still mostly all too big.  So, in the meantime I'm switching among the following:
  • Maternity shirts that fit
  • Non-maternity shirts with empire waists
  • Non-maternity shirts that cover things up a bit (i.e., cardigan sweaters)
The other day I "embraced the bump" and wore a black fitted cami with a non-buttoning cardigan sweater.    The black camouflaged things a bit, but the bump was out there.  Today I'm wearing a fitted maternity t-shirt with 3/4-length sleeves.  Today I wore a hoodie over it since the weather's a little in-between, and that helped cover it up.  I'm not sure I'd wander around in public without the hoodie on or tied around my waist, but a) in the office pretty much everyone knows I'm pregnant so I don't feel the need to cover up; and b) out in public with the hoodie on I definitely look a little chubby but I really don't care.

I'd like to think not caring is more "I'm comfortable with my body" than the typical "mom giving up on how she looks" (a la the affliction behind the success of "What Not to Wear"), but I suppose some days it's hard to differentiate.  I will say that a good pair of maternity jeans go a long way toward making me feel at least slightly put together even on an off-day like today when the t-shirt and hoodie were a last grasp at getting out of the house on time. 

So while I'd prefer to not look fat at all, I feel like I'm embracing my shape a lot more than last time around.  It was more of a curiosity then, and now it's just this amazing thing my body knows how to do, and I'm just trying to appreciate it as much as I can.  Of course, I was a little thrown off when I stepped on the scale last night and saw how much I've gained in the last few weeks.  Granted, two of those pounds were gone this morning, but it made me ponder a bit how I'm trending and whether I should be paying more attention to what I'm eating to ensure I don't go way beyond where I did last time.  I think I'm OK, but it definitely caught me off-guard since I haven't seen that number since, oh, the last time I was pregnant...or maybe for a split second when my post-nursing weight came back on and I instantly decided I needed to do something about it.  Ultimately, though, it doesn't really bother me since I know that I'm fine with how I look.  And it's an added bonus that I'm comfortable enough with that to not care (much) what other people think.  It's refreshing.  Might as well enjoy it now before it's back to just being fat and the love affair wears off. 

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