Monday, June 4, 2012

So....huh. That's why...

This morning I had my appointment with the fertility doctor.  I feel a little funny even saying that, because comparing my "infertility" to the hell that some women have had to go through seems downright laughable.  After all, I have a baby already.  I have periods and no obvious symptoms of greater issues like cysts or endometriosis.  My cycle was nearly perfect for years, but appears to have gotten confused after life with the pill, because anytime I've been off it--including prior to getting pregnant with Jacob--it's been wonky.  But there are worse things in life than a crazy cycle...until you're trying to have a baby and can't seem to track it for anything. 

Case in point--I neglected to mention in the midst of the Knighthawks' championship celebrations that earlier on championship day I had what I believe was my first-ever positive ovulation test.  Over the past many months, I'd done a lot of them.  Not religiously, mind you, but quite a few.  And during the times I wasn't strict, we were taking action just in case :)  Obviously nothing happened, and there were multiple times (including one involving a blood test from my doctor) where it just seemed like I simply wasn't ovulating.  Which is pretty problematic when you need an egg to make a baby.  Anyway, I had an idea of where my cycle was that morning, and while it didn't really matter because a) I wasn't sure we'd have time to do anything about it; and b) I didn't really want to start trying yet anyway, I figured it would be good to know going into my appointment where things stood.  Sure enough, it turned out positive.  I was shocked.  I was happy to know it was possible, but more surprised than anything.  However, my period showed up only a week later, which still indicates that something isn't right. 

So, off to the doctor I went this morning.  I wasn't quite sure what to expect, or even what to ask.  I guess I was just looking for some sort of direction--a better way to track my cycles, what the causes might be, what my options are--so I'm not just sitting around waiting for something to happen.  The doctor was actually pretty great.  She took the time to listen to my history, explain what's probably happening, and offer a solution.  She was pretty straight to the point, but still friendly.  And then she suggested doing an ultrasound right then and there to get an idea of what might be happening.  Wow.  Ok.  Not every day someone asks you on a moment's notice to step into this room and take off your pants.  Alrighty then.

On a side note, I was actually interested to experience a transvaginal ultrasound (sorry squeamish folks, no happy little code word for this one).  You may have heard that recently a law passed in Texas making it mandatory to get a transvaginal ultrasound prior to getting an abortion.  Critics of the law were likening it to rape.  I get the spirit of the law, that perhaps the woman should see what she's aborting.  It's amazing to see even a tiny baby moving around on that screen, but I'm with the critics that it doesn't need to be so invasive.  A regular old ultrasound like the rest of the pregnant women in the world receive is just fine.  So, anyway, I was interested to see how it was.  It was really fine.  Not painful, just a slight discomfort.  And hey, it's really interesting to see your uterus and ovaries from the inside.

Much to my surprise, my ovaries show some evidence of polycystic ovary syndrome.  It basically means that egg follicles start to form, but crap out somewhere before they're released.  They gather along the edges of the ovary, and show up as little black circles on the ultrasound.  Usually this leads to ovary enlargement, but that hasn't happened yet in my case. 

Anyway, that was a little discouraging to hear, but nothing that can't be overcome.  The doctor had a plan of attack ready to go--and I mean READY.  As in, starting today.  When she said something about no sense waiting around, she meant it.  Ultrasound--done.  Start of the plan--now.  I still had a few hours after the appointment before needing to put the wheels in motion, and I certainly had some food for thought today. 

Is it odd to say that setting things into motion today all felt a little sudden despite already logging nearly 11 months of trying for another baby?  Well, odd or not, it was.  While I had envisioned getting "lazy" over the next couple months, I guess I didn't assume we'd have much of shot at making anything happen so soon.  And suddenly I'm panicking a bit about all the stuff I should be doing before I'm pregnant.  We still need new carpet in two bedrooms and still need to figure out how to rearrange things for Jacob's future room.  I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the thought of the things I need to give up if pregnant--cold cuts, allergy meds, running, that bottle of wine I should really drink now.  I'm thinking about how the possible two-month schedule shift might impact things--Craig's schedule, my maternity clothes, our Florida vacation, the seasonality of the hand-me-down baby clothes, changeable weather, etc.  I'm just trying to take last-minute stock of everything and make sure that jumping into this a little early isn't screwing up anything major.  Long story short, I'm admittedly surprised at how caught off-guard I am.  You'd think after all this time I'd be more than ready.  Maybe all of this just tells me that the "you're never really ready" statement isn't just a first-baby phenomenon. 

I read back in the blog earlier and relived the early weeks of June before Jacob was born.  Given my June 30th due date, I never could have imagined that less than three weeks into the month we'd have  a baby.  Similarly, I can't quite wrap my brain around the fact that a year from now we might have an infant.  Reading those posts got me a little excited, though.  I remember parts of that time so vividly.  The fear, anticipation, the horrific heat, the random details I had to take care of...it was just so much to handle, and part of me can't quite imagine how I'll do all of that again, but with a little boy preoccupying a good portion of my time.  But the end result is so amazing that it's hard to not get excited. 

I won't go into the details of the "plan" yet (I need to have some secrets, right?), but it's pretty much what I expected with a couple safeguards that I didn't anticipate.  We've got a handful of months to give this a shot, and if things don't progress, we'll try something else.  I'm not going to worry about those steps or further costs yet...one step at a time.  But at least now I know why things haven't been working, and I'm happy to have a path to start down.  We'll see how it goes.  Let's hope this is the beginning of a fantastic journey...

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