Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Deconstructing Life

Well, we're really in the home stretch now. We're down to less than three days before the big move. I still have more packing to do in a couple rooms, but most of the big stuff is done. I'm still using the kitchen too much to pack it all, but hope to pack less used stuff tonight. Jacob's room will be taken care of on Friday, and I guess Friday night will be some disassembly and last minute finishing touches. Other than those two rooms, I'm pretty much to the point where I can throw the remaining odds and ends in boxes and bags and be ready to go fairly quickly. That might not make for the most efficient move, but if that's how it works out, that's how it works out. I'm dreading the next few days for a lot of reasons--namely, handing over a big check, working out schedules, moving all of our earthly possessions from one spot to another (and unpacking it all), and going back for that last cleanup...which as I mentioned before, is probably one of the most torturous things going. At least it's not a big deal...just making things a tiny bit easier (and less gross) for our buyer. I know I'd be ticked if the house we moved into was overrun by dust bunnies, crumbs and fingerprints. Our house hasn't been lived in in a while so it was fairly clean, but there were some rather gross discoveries once we moved in. I still gag a little thinking of the unidentifiable crust I cleaned off of the bathroom fixtures. So, yeah...I'd like to leave it reasonably neat, for my own self-respect.

The other night I started taking down the remaining knicknacks and all of the photos hung on the walls. As much as things had been emptying out in the past couple weeks, that really started to make the house feel a bit more empty, and almost foreign. When you get used to something being in a certain place for nearly five years, and then it's suddenly not there anymore, it messes with you a bit. It was almost hard to navigate a darkened house because I didn't have as many "landmarks" on the walls to guide me. Such a strange feeling! But more than anything, it's just a strange feeling to deconstruct the home environment that you worked so hard to create over the past few years. Every picture that was hung with much thought and care, every little project that we were so proud of, every little quirk we liked when we bought the house...all of it will be going away (or at least changing) in the next few days. While our house wasn't our first home as a married couple, it was the house where we became a family...Jacob's first home, first bedroom, the place where I stayed up with him during late-night feedings, the living room where he learned to crawl, the front door where he loved to stand and watch the cats and dogs run by...a lot of memories in just a short period of time. I guess I should be grateful we spend all major holidays elsewhere, because at least we don't have those memories to attach to our old house! It's just a little sad when you remember putting a picture up, and now have to take it down and start over somewhere else. On one hand the fresh start is exciting, but it's also a big task to take on and it's always a little nervewracking to think about setting up an efficient, friendly, comfortable household for your family, somewhere where Jacob will have the space to be an active, happy kid and to access toys and other materials that will enhance his learning experiences. As I mentioned in another recent post, I'm looking forward to the opportunity to get in some good, new habits. And I hope to set up our house in a way that will lead to more opportunities to enrich Jacob's life...to allow him to access his toys without much help, to set up a good place for him to be messy and crafty without me freaking out about it, good space for him to play inside and out, etc. It was one thing to set up a household for just the two of us...but now that I have to do it with Jacob in mind, it's a little more intimidating.

But still, packing up all of our stuff and taking apart all of the bits and pieces of the place we've called home for the past few years has been a little sad. And I'm sure I'll probably shed a tear or two as we leave for the last time. Heck, I did that just listening to a song or two on the way into work today, so something really sentimental...oh boy. Though I may be too tired by then to have any emotion, but even still...later it'll hit me. It's been an eventful run. And it's a little sad to see this era of it come to an end. There's more good to come, I'm sure, but any sort of ending comes with a little bit of nostalgia and sadness for what will be left behind. Should be an interesting few days!

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