Hard to believe! We've come such a long way. It's been almost a year and a half since I started this blog, and this marks post #300. Not only has this blog gone through 2/3 of a pregnancy, but now we've almost made it through the first year of Jacob's existence! Time has flown and so much has changed. I can't believe we're just a month away from having a one year old!
Yesterday I stayed home from work and cleaned the house. It really needed it badly and I did some things that I haven't done in ages (or ever!). It felt so good to let Jacob crawl on the kitchen floor last night knowing that it was clean and disinfected! It was sorely needed and I just knew it wasn't something I could tackle over a series of evenings. So, for my own sanity, I just took the day off and got it done (or mostly done--I still have to dust a few rooms, but that's easy). Jacob still went to day care because I knew I'd get nothing done if he was home. It killed me to take a day off of work and not be able to spend at least a little time with him, but it had to be done, and ultimately it was for his benefit. It was a little funny being home alone, and on such a beautiful day...definitely a little reminiscent of the weekends I spent getting ready for Jacob, if not some of the quieter times of my maternity leave (minus the desperation to take a nap!). What struck me, though, is how I felt about all of the baby shows on TLC. I've mentioned a couple other times how my feelings about those shows have morphed over the past year or so. Originally those shows helped me get comfortable with the whole concept of delivery. Unlike some people, they didn't really worry me...I just took in the things I saw and filed them away. Just having seen so many deliveries in process gave me some concept of what to expect, from a technical perspective, anyway.
Once I'd had Jacob, I watched those shows almost non-stop during my maternity leave. I don't know if it was therapeutic, or what. I could relate to the women in labor and the new parents at home with their babies, and considering I didn't have a real support system of new parent friends, I guess that took its place. A few months ago I saw the shows for the first time in a while, and felt some degree of distance...understanding, but distance. I recall thinking it was how I felt about watching "A Wedding Story" after I got married. It was an interesting and fun experience, but I was happy to have survived it and moved on. Yesterday when I saw the shows, so much of that stuff seemed like a lifetime ago. I have a huge appreciation for everything I went through, and even more appreciation for how far we've come. We now have this amazing little boy who crawls and laughs and has his own wacky little personality, and it's such a far cry from those early days where he just sat there and stared, or in his more active moments, ate, slept, pooped (ahhh, projectile poop), and cried. We still get a lot of that, but at least we get some entertainment in between!
I may still not be completely comfortable with parenthood, but little by little some things get easier. I know there are plenty of things that will only get harder from here on out, but like everything else we'll just have to take it as it comes. I've been reading Parents magazine lately, and I keep getting insight into the stages to come. Just reading about it gives me anxiety, and those issues may still be 2, 4, or 6 years away! Still, I am trying to keep things in check and just deal with the issues we have right now...and there are plenty. I ponder my own childhood and wonder how my parents got me to be a relatively intelligent and reasonable child. I mean, I know they did a ton to make me a good kid, and I know I still had my moments. But I swear there were things I was never taught or talked to about, yet when the time came, I did the right thing. I always get so sad when I hear about senseless tragedies like all of the college kids that died this year. What little detail was missing from their brains that told them that whatever they were doing was a bad idea? We've probably all had close calls at one time or another, where we did something we shouldn't have and came out unscathed, and those guys just weren't as lucky. But I just hope and pray that we bring Jacob up to be intelligent and to do the right thing...that he just knows it deep in his heart and sticks to it. I know that times like that are still pretty far away, but right now we're building a foundation and I want it to be a good one. He's the most important thing in our world and I want that smile to be a part of my life each and every day, forever. And only one more month until we finish that first year. Unbelievable.
Oh, and just so you know...we're planning to have Jacob's party on his birthday, a Saturday. It's most likely going to be here in Rochester unless we can think of a good, cheap, neutral site in Buffalo. It would have to be about halfway between the northtowns and southtowns, but I'm stumped so if anyone has any suggestions, let me know. Otherwise we're going to make everyone schlep here to keep it fair and minimize the amount of travel we have to do with a gifts, a cake, etc. Keep your calendars open :)