Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Coincidence or a reason to feel extra guilty?

Over the weekend I had over four days straight to spend with Jacob, for the first time pretty much since my maternity leave. Sad, isn't it? Alas, the realities of being a working mom. Anyway...it seemed to me that he was really aware and more active than ever before, and that feeling has continued since the weekend. Whether it was his non-stop stream of smiles and laughs on Sunday, or his increased grabbing at things, or just a generally heightened awareness of his surroundings, it seemed like all of a sudden he was a whole new baby. Maybe it's a coincidence that he happened to cross this threshold over the weekend...or maybe not.

As I've thought about it in the last few days, I've been trying to figure out if it was just that I had never had a chance to string individual occurrences together as a trend because my time with him is limited, or if those four days with Craig and me (and the rest of our families) gave him such a jolt of interaction and stimulation that all of a sudden he started coming out of his shell. Either way, it leaves me feeling a little guilty. If I just never noticed, then shame on me. I'll admit it's tough sometimes. I try to play with him as much as possible during the limited time we have, but maybe our play activities never allowed him to show his new skills. If the increased activity helped him along, then I feel bad because me being at work prevents him from getting full days like that on a regular basis. I think day care is giving him sufficient care and interaction, but Mommy and Daddy are definitely different. It's just unfortunate that we can't afford to have either of us stay home (at least, not if we want to maintain our savings and have a shot at giving Jacob and any future kids a hand with college), and neither job is made to be part time. Definitely a tough spot. I can't wait until I have a full week or so off at Christmas!

I swear I had another point to make on this, but for now, enjoy these pictures from the weekend. The shirt was a gift from godmother Lori, and the pants were a clearance rack find at Baby Gap...Jacob's first pair of cords! These pictures are yet another piece of proof that Jacob is a boy of many looks...I think he looks so different in all three pictures! Such a big boy, isn't he?

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